It took every ounce of self-control not to run up the stairs. As soon as Ginny was out of everyone's sight, she broke into a run for her room, slammed the door shut behind her, locking it magically, and flung herself onto her bed, sobbing hysterically.

She had walked in on Ron and Hermione kissing. After a great deal of blushing and some muttering, Ron escaped the scene, and Hermione confirmed what she had suspected for a few days now: Ron had stopped being a prat, and they were together.

A year ago, she would have been happy for her. A month ago, she would have been ecstatic. And now all she could do was burst into tears. What a great friend I am.

But now�”now there was Harry. There was the Harry that she had finally, finally gotten, and now the Harry that Voldemort and his stupid Horcruxes had taken away.

It wasn’t fair.

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know

Harry’s dreams…his nightmares. They were worse than ever lately. He would thrash around in his bed, screaming, and Ginny would run to his side, and hold his hand, and comfort him. And he never knew. He never knew she was there. He never once woke up.

But she was the only one who could comfort him.

He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold

She didn’t care! She didn’t care if he was damned! She didn’t care if Voldemort was after him, and if he was destined to kill or be killed… He was Harry �“ and that was enough for her.

And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Her thoughts vacillated back and forth between wanting to beg him to let her come along on the search, and wanting to just keep her life as normal as possible.

Before Hermione had started disappearing constantly together with Ron, she had discussed the breakup with her.

Hermione had thought Harry was being absolutely stupid. “But Ginny, that’s not going to help anything! Harry must know that. Just because you’re not physically close doesn’t mean you don’t love each other still. Voldemort can still use you �“ not that he will,” she added, seeing the look on Ginny’s face. “But he could! It’s not keeping you safer for him to distance you. If anything, it’s putting you in more danger. Love is Harry’s only weapon now.”

But that only made it harder. That meant that…that she had to go. She had to go. She had to turn her entire life upside down, put herself in mortal danger, go once more through the terrors of the Chamber of Secrets…

And she wasn’t ready. Oh, why couldn’t Harry just be a normal person?

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what he’s after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He was a beautiful disaster. She loved him more than anything �“ but his life was such a mess. Was she ready to join her life to his?

And would that even change anything?

Would that really save him?

Or would it just make everything worse?

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe

The myths surrounding him! Every day there was a new theory in the Daily Prophet. Who had been on the other broom in the tower, what had been the cause of Dumbledore’s death, why Dumbledore and Harry had been seen from a second story window in Hogsmeade that night. But this summer, none of the stories seemed to affect Harry in the slightest. And she had spoken with Hermione about that too.

“He has this new strength in him now,” Hermione had said thoughtfully. “It’s as if he’s focusing everything on his mission. I think it’s his way of repaying Dumbledore.”

Yes, he was as strong as she had always believed him to be.

A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see

His story was really tragic. It seemed unreal �“ how could anyone still be living after all that damage? But Harry was different, had always been different. He had seen more damage at age sixteen than most people had seen in their entire lives �“ but he kept going. He kept fighting.

And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

“So I could never get him to change his mind about going,” Ginny had concluded miserably.

Hermione shook her head sympathetically. “No. I don’t think anything is going to make him turn back now.”

The strength that she loved and admired in him was also the strength that she sometimes hated. He had told her that the prophecy was only significant because Voldemort had made it so. But he was acting on it anyway �“ largely, she suspected and Hermione had agreed with her, out of a desire for revenge.

Couldn’t he just be normal? Couldn’t they just live a normal life together?

“So what should I do?” she asked Hermione in desperation. “He won’t let me in.”

“That’s because he’s scared,” Hermione cut in. “It’s not because he doesn’t love you, you know. He loves you more than anything. But he’s scared to let his resolve down.”

“But I’m the only one who can help him.”

“I know you are. And somewhere, he knows it too. Just hold on and don’t let go. Hold on tight.”

I’m longing for love and the logical
But he’s only happy hysterical
I’m waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

There was a soft knock on the door. Ginny didn’t make a sound. Maybe the person, whoever it was, would just go away…

It was just so unfair. Hermione would be with Ron forever, and they would have each other during this war, and she would be alone, and sending Harry off to his death…

Hermione came in.

“What do you want?” Ginny asked dully.

“I’m sorry, Ginny.” She sat down at the foot of the bed. “I really am. I didn’t mean for you to find out like that. We should have told you earlier, we just didn’t know, we still don’t know, how we’re going to tell everyone…”

“It’s not that I’m not happy for you. It’s just that seeing you and Ron together just makes it hurt even more that me and Harry are never going to be toge-”

“Don’t say that!” Hermione cut her off angrily. “It’s not true! I know you think that he’s just going to his death. But he really has a better chance than you think he does.”

“Not without me, you said.”

“Even without you he still loves you.”

“Sometimes I just wish he was normal. Why can’t we just have a normal relationship? Like you and Ron?”

Hermione was silent. What could she say?

“I mean, I’ve been hoping for this for years! It’s been six years, Hermione! And I know that you’ve been waiting at least half that time for Ron, but you have him, and he’s normal! And Harry’s never going to be normal again. You think that it’s so easy to recover after you kill someone? Even if that someone is Voldemort? He’s not a killer, Hermione. He doesn’t have it in him. Even if he does survive, and he does kill Voldemort, it’s not going to be the same.”

She knew it, and Hermione knew it. And neither of them could do a single thing about it.

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

“Hermione, no matter what happens, I’m never going to be able to just have a normal, happy life with him.”

He was such a disaster. Such a beautiful disaster.