1. As You Sleep by GryffindorGoddess
I’d like to be able to say I don’t have any regrets about my life. I wish I was one of those people who, when asked what they would change about their life if they could go back and do it all over again, would honestly say that they wouldn’t change anything”and mean it. But those people are only kidding themselves. Everyone wants to change something they’ve done or said, or something they should have done or said and didn’t.
My biggest regret is not telling Hermione I loved her while I still had the chance.
Nothing really seemed more important than fighting Voldemort at the time, so that’s what she, Harry and I spent the majority of our time thinking and talking about. Everything else, no matter how crucial it actually was, just got pushed to the back of our minds during the war.
I realize now that fighting Voldemort was not the most important thing I had in my life. I know that I should have paid more attention to Hermione rather than focusing all my energy on our goal of defeating those who threatened to tear apart our entire world, because it really wouldn’t have been so difficult.
But it’s too late for that now.
During what should have been their seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, along with his sister Ginny, took it upon themselves to find the remaining Horcruxes that housed the fragments of Lord Voldemort’s soul. The tasks that awaited them bordered the impossible, but together the four managed as best they could. Their years of education at Hogwarts armed them with the critical knowledge they would need to solve the mystery and cheat death.
In the beginning their search seemed promising; arriving at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place that summer afforded them with the lucky encounter of Salazar Slytherin’s locket. Harry knew exactly what it was and forthwith purged it of Voldemort’s soul. Only then did the locket open to reveal a tiny, folded piece of parchment.
Here, a note from Regulus Black gave detailed information about everything he knew of Voldemort’s Horcruxes, including the exact location of Helga Hufflepuff’s cup. The rest Harry and his friends would have to figure out and locate on their own.
Months and months went by as they traveled all over England and Scotland searching for any sign of hope. After only a few months the crew became wary and exhausted, but still they pushed themselves to the edge. More than a few times one or all of them had wanted to give up and go home.
It was on one of these missions to the end of the world when a conversation (or rather a frustrated argument) between Hermione and Ron had given Harry the answer.
“I don’t know, Ron! All I’m saying is that there’s a possibility!”
“Yeah, let’s go all the way back to Hogwarts to look all through that giant castle for something that we don’t even know is there! That’s just brilliant! Or maybe you think the Sorting Hat could tell us where the Horcrux is, huh?” Ron’s angry sarcasm caused hot tears to well up in Hermione’s eyes and she made to storm out of the room.
“That’s it!” Harry yelled, jumping up from his chair. “The Sorting Hat! Is there any possibility the hat is a Horcrux? I mean, it’s been in Hogwarts’ possession for centuries, so the historical significance Voldemort always wanted is there…plus the connection to Hogwarts…”
Hermione and Ron completely forgot about their row and listened to Harry’s raving intently, trying to work out for themselves how this could work.
“…always said never trust anything if you can’t see where it keeps its brain. Yes, I’m sure of it…” Harry trailed off.
“So you’re saying the Sorting Hat is a Horcrux? The hat that sings rhyming songs every year at the start-of-term feast, a piece of an evil wizard’s soul? Harry, I think you’ve finally gone nutters,” Ron said sympathetically.
“It does make sense, though,” Hermione defended. “Having his soul in the Sorting Hat would ensure it would be protected as long as Hogwarts remained, not to mention the fact of its link to the school.”
She stopped to consider and Harry looked right pleased with himself. “Not that I really enjoy you two bickering all the time, but for once it actually accomplished something,” Harry teased.
It took them nearly three days to get back to Hogwarts, going the slow and safe route, always covering their tracks.
Classes had resumed that September, but the scarce population of students who still attended made the school seem all but deserted. Even in such a short amount of time the state of their former school was not what it used to be, despite Hagrid’s earnest attempts to keep the grounds tidy. It seemed the fear and desperation that shook the wizarding community had penetrated even the most solid of fortresses.
“Harry,” Ginny whispered, taking his hand. “Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to go in. You could wait outside with Hagrid, if you wanted.”
He kissed her forehead and thanked her but promised he would be all right. “This is something we have to do, and I need everyone’s help.”
They entered the castle on their guard, timing it perfectly so the few students who attended Hogwarts were in class, and used the Marauder’s Map to avoid Filch on their way to Professor McGonagall’s office. It occurred to them that they didn’t know her password and that she probably didn’t follow Dumbledore’s tradition of naming it after sweets.
Ron suggested they just try to break in, much to Hermione’s horror. “You can’t break into her office, Ronald! It’s wrong.”
“What can she do? We’re not her students anymore.”
“You two stop fighting!” Ginny demanded. “Someone could hear you!”
“And so someone has,” came McGonagall’s voice as she rounded the corner. “Hello again. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
Harry indicated that he wanted to talk to her in private in her office. “We came to borrow something.”
Professor McGonagall said her password (“Diligence”) and the gargoyle sprang open, revealing the spiral staircase. Once in the headmistress’s office, Harry recounted the whole story from beginning to end, explaining every detail he could to justify his reasoning behind the Sorting Hat being a Horcrux. At first it didn’t seem as if McGonagall believed him and was quite reluctant to let him tamper with such a legendary piece of Hogwarts’ history, but she finally decided to take it into consideration.
“I’ll get in touch with our necessary contacts and see if we can’t get an expert in magical artifacts to take a look at it. For the time being, I want you all to relax and let us handle it. You’ve done great work, you four. I always knew you would. Good day,” she said with a decided finality in her tone.
“But””
“Good day, Mr. Potter.”
“Good day, Professor,” they all chimed back.
After stopping briefly at Hagrid’s hut, the two witches and two wizards trudged down to Hogsmeade in low spirits. Harry should have expected that Professor McGonagall wouldn’t have seen the matter as urgent as Harry did, but still he felt that some other active measure should have been taken. He was disappointed and anxious…and scared. What if nobody believed him?
“Don’t worry, mate. They’ll understand soon enough,” Ron assured his best friend.
“So what do we do now? We can’t just leave, can we?”
Hermione and Ginny discussed their options quietly as a small group of middle-aged wizards passed their table at the Three Broomsticks.
“I want to stay to find out what happens,” Hermione said.
“Me too, but not at Hogwarts,” Harry added. “I say we stay here. Madame Rosmerta’s got rooms to let upstairs and I’m sure she’d give us a fair price for the night.”
Ginny looked around uneasily. “Is it safe to stay here?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? She’s not under the Imperius anymore, remember? It can’t be more dangerous staying here than anywhere else.”
Harry was right; though the rooms on the second floor of the Three Broomsticks weren’t as well protected as Hogwarts, who would think to look for Harry and his Voldemort-fighting friends in a place like this? Besides, it would just be for one night. He paid for the only room left unoccupied, making Madame Rosmerta absolutely delighted that they would be staying with her.
There was one small bed in the room, but fortunately Hermione had become very skilled at conjuring large objects and summoned another one. It made the tiny room seem even tinier, but at least this way everyone could have a bit of something soft to sleep on.
Hermione fell asleep first on the bed closest to the window, and Ginny followed on the other bed. Doing his best to inch Ginny over without waking her, Harry laid down on top of the covers right beside her, making sure not to get too close and make Ron uneasy.
“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Harry asked him. Ron sat on the windowsill just beside Hermione’s bed and silently watched her sleep.
“I think someone ought to stay up and stand guard, don’t you think? With the girls here and all… Something could happen.”
“Ron, nothing’s going to happen, and you’ll feel like hell tomorrow if you don’t get some rest. Just get in the bed and go to sleep.” Harry rolled over and lifted the blankets before crawling in. He tried to ignore how Ron looked at him and just urged him to do the same. Ron waved him off in a gesture that said, “In a minute.”
Not ten minutes later, Harry’s breathing became steady and deep, and Ron was finally able to relax. He kneeled down at the edge of Hermione’s bed and stroked her hair out of her face as she slept.
“I know I’ve never really been nice to you,” he whispered. “I know all I do is cause you pain and grief, but you have to know you’re my best friend besides Harry, and I really c-” He stopped at this point to swallow a sizable lump in his throat. “I really care about you, honestly. If I was brave like Harry, I could tell you this when you’re awake…but that’s just not going to happen. If I tell you I love you I know you won’t believe me, but I promise you it’s the truth.”
Ron shifted on his knees to keep them from aching as they resting on the hardwood floor, and his elbows pressed down on the mattress to supporting his weight. Hermione sighed heavily in her sleep and reached out for Ron, whose hand slipped down to her cheek. Ron felt himself being pulled slowly towards her like an unstoppable force and kissed her timidly. Whether Hermione knew Ron was kissing her or whether she thought she was dreaming of someone else, Ron couldn’t be sure; what he was sure of was that she had definitely kissed him back.
Everyone woke with the sun the next morning”all except Ron, who slept soundly as he leaned his head on his arms and propped himself against Hermione’s bed. Harry wanted to wake him but Hermione demanded they let him sleep until he was ready. She was feeling particularly generous towards Ron that morning.
He never mentioned anything about his late night confession again, and Hermione never let on that she had any idea it had happened. Ron vowed that maybe, just maybe, if everything with the war turned out all right that he’d work up the courage to try again”except this time do it when she was coherent enough to understand.
But Ron never had that chance.
They entered Hogwarts that night under Harry’s invisibility cloak, using charms to light their way and mask their scent from Fang, Hagrid’s beloved boarhound. The ground was wet from dew, which made their trek up to the castle even more dangerous. They couldn’t afford to make any mistakes tonight, especially by being carelessly loud.
Harry should have known his Alohamora charm wouldn’t work on the great doors of Hogwarts, and Hermione was positively furious that he had no other plan to get in. She would have yelled at him had it not been necessary to remain absolutely silent; Ron had never been more thankful for a no-talking rule.
“Don’t you know any spells that can open this door?” whispered Ron to Hermione.
“Shh!” she whispered back. “Of course I don’t! Dumbledore’s magic is so powerful… Did you really expect four underage wizards and witches who didn’t even finish school would be able to outsmart the greatest wizard who ever lived?”
“Well, you’re Hermione. I just figured.”
“Both of you, quiet!” Ginny whispered in a yelling manner. “It’s no use arguing now! We have to just wait until morning when whatever students actually go here head down to Hagrid’s hut for Care of Magical Creatures. Just shut up and be patient.”
“Yes. Patient and quiet,” Harry added. “Can’t be more than four or five hours now until daylight, then maybe””
Just then Ginny slapped her hand over Harry’s mouth and shoved herself and her friends to the side of the door. A sliver of candlelight flooded through the widening crack and out stepped Argus Filch, looking disheveled and alert. The four of them held their breath, hoping to Merlin he wouldn’t take another step closer as he stared out into the distance and right through them.
Filch closed the door gently behind him and slinked off down the hill towards the main gate. He covered his candle with his hand to keep himself out of sight, and even well trained eyes couldn’t see him so far away in the dark. It wasn’t until he returned ten minutes later”with candle still under hand”that they saw six hooded figures that followed him.
Ron nearly had a heart attack, but the other three kept their wits about them and gripped their wands tightly. It was all Harry could do not to curse the intruding Death Eaters right there, but they were outnumbered and had to be smart. So they waited…and listened.
“Our master appreciates your compliance,” one of the hooded-figure’s sinewy, soft voice said. “He has been waiting for this. It is no longer safe to keep at Hogwarts.”
Filch’s voice shook in his reply, though still retained its slimy hatefulness. “H-happy to oblige, Mrs. Lestrange. And Mr. Carrow, you will make sure…?”
“Yes,” sighed another voice, clearly tired of answering this question. “The Dark Lord will repay your deeds,” then he added a discreet aside to the one standing next to him, “though I still say once a squib, always a squib.”
“Right,” Filch said, taking one more opportunity to search the entranceway for unwelcome intruders. “Follow me.”
After the last Death Eater had entered, Harry saw their chance and they quickly slid through the closing door. Ginny was the last one in and barely managed to squeeze herself in without getting a nasty pinch. They all moved forward together, following closely behind the Death Eaters, yet Hermione felt strange all of a sudden. She glanced down and saw her whole body completely unprotected by the invisibility cloak! Ron reached his arm out and dragged her back under it before anyone in the other party had a chance to notice.
“Bloody door!” Ginny whispered as she yanked the piece of cloak out of its grip. The whiplash effect threw her elbow into Ron’s side, who stumbled into both Harry and Hermione and sent them toppling to the floor. The cloak got tangled and brought Ron down on top of them, followed by Ginny.
The banging and shrieking noises were unavoidable, and no sooner than it happened that the six Death Eaters, along with Filch, came running back to the entrance hall with their wands poised and ready. Ginny and Ron scrambled to their feet, each pulling up Harry and Hermione, who held the cloak with a death grip. She threw it over Ginny and Ron while pushing Harry to get under it, but they all knew there was no time and no point to be fooling with that now.
Even in the dark spells could be seen flying at them from all angles. Bright bursts of flames and blinding, searing lights shot at them with intent to kill. They really had no idea where to aim their own spells, exactly, so anywhere in the general forward direction had to suffice. Harry used his best stupefying curse while Ron focused on freezing charms and shot them continually.
The hardest part about this battle was that the complete pitch black that surrounded them made it not only impossible to see their enemy, but also to see each other. Dodging and diving from curses could never be successful when they kept running into their friends. When they did happen to find each other in the dark, however, both Ron and Harry shoved the girls to the back and continued their curses.
“Ron, stop!” Hermione yelled at him as she leapt in front. “You need me! Incarcerous!” A thick stream of white light raced from her wand and instantaneously formed into equally thick strands of rope. They were unsure if the netting had captured its intended Death Eater, but the resulting howl they heard made it likely so.
Ron had no time to argue with her. He shot a curse of his own into the darkness and heard a resounding yelp; he was sure his Levicorpus jinx had hit its target and successfully suspended a Death Eater in mid-air. He was probably flailing about and, unable to aim properly, shot spells in any which way he chose. Apparently that was a bad idea.
“You idiot!” one of the Death Eaters yelled from his new position on the floor. “Get down from there and make yourself useful!” The angry man waved his wand at his floating crony, who fell more than ten feet and landed on his head. He would cast spells no more.
Lights and incantations and screaming continued to bounce all around the stone entrance way, and in the darkness it took Ron very long to realize that much of that screaming was coming from Hermione. He ran to her and held her wrenching body in his arms as she thrashed about in pain.
“AAAAAGGGGHHH maaaake iiiiit stoooooppp!!!” she cried, the pain from the Cruciatus Curse ripping through her body.
He had to let her go and kill the one who did this to her. Only then, he thought, could he make it stop. “YOU!” Ron yelled in rage, pointing his wand into the black. “ALL OF YOU! I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU!” He rambled off every single hex, jinx, and charm he could possibly think of, not even bothering to cast protective shields over himself.
Ginny had created the best barrier she could manage around Hermione before joining her boyfriend and brother in the fight. But even with as many spells as she and Harry cast, Ron’s rage made him twice as productive as either of them. She could hear over the sound of his spells the sobbing which he was unable to hold back. Green lights flashed past his face, and all around the entire great doors, until finally the opposing side ceased to cast light or sound.
The only movement now was Ron’s persistent wand, still casting as many hexes as he could manage into the distance. Eventually he collapsed on the floor next to Hermione’s deathly still body and wept.
All four of them spent days in St. Mungo’s traumatic care unit, resting and recuperating, though Hermione’s recovery held little hope. Her body had suffered incredible anguish and strain, especially for so young a person. She slept in a comatose state for nearly thirty hours after Ron carried her into the hospital”just long enough for her family to say goodbye”and then she went.
Hermione had fought nobly and took down some of the most prominent Death Eaters with her. Upon her death she was awarded the Wizard’s Crest Medal for bravery, which was presented to her parents at the funeral. At the ceremony Ron was present in body, but hardly so in spirit, for he was so heartbroken he completely detached himself from the world.
Holding Hermione’s body in his arms was the most painful experience he could have ever imagined, something so horrible it hardly seemed real. The battle and its consequences never left Ron’s mind after that, and though he continued on fighting with Harry, he couldn’t forget that it was Voldemort’s war that claimed the love of his life. And it was his own insecurity that kept his love at arm’s length for so long.
I know it’s too late to make any kind of difference now, but I visit her grave often and never hesitate to tell her how much I still love her. Sometimes I think maybe she can hear me, like on those still and calm days when I’m there alone and suddenly a gust of wind comes blowing out of nowhere. But it’s probably just wishful thinking.
Out of everything that happened during the entire war, I can honestly say the very worst part is knowing I could have done something and didn’t. War consumed me so completely that I ended up making the worst mistake of my life. If I could go back and change anything, I would have made sure she was awake.
Fin.