---

‘It’s not Potter.’

The glow of the lamp from beside her bed illuminated Lily’s simple features. The excitement and glee and most surprisingly, worry, that stretched across her face was enveloped in a beautiful glow.

Marie grinned ear to ear, playing with the stem of the flower in her fingers. Sitting on her bed- which Lily had adopted as her own during such exciting times as this- she could not have been happier for her friend. Dubious, but happy.

Lily grinned despite her nervousness. ‘Really? You don’t think he’s gone too far this time?’

Marie shook her head. ‘No… Potter is blindly in love with you. But he’s not the flower type. He likes to impress you with his manly strength and Quidditch skills.’

Lily laughed. ‘Well, yes, he does. But are you sure?’

Marie touched the velvety softness of the lily Lily had been sent. ‘No. Definitely not. Black, maybe. Remus… possibly. Peter? Never.’

‘How about Severus,’ giggled Lily, giddy with happiness. ‘Is he the flower type?’

‘Oh darling,’ said Marie, batting her eyelashes, ‘I’m sure he would search the deepest lakes and bogs for the best mosses and herbs for you, but a flower?’ She sobered quickly, and considered.

‘No, Lily. This guy’s got style.’

*

Marie yawned. ‘Cereal, please.’

Lily, not moving her eyes off the Daily Prophet, passed her the cereal container. She stared at the black and white text, as though she believed it would jump to life, like the gesticulating picture above it.

‘What’s so interesting about the paper, Lily?’

Lily didn’t answer. Her eyes scoured the paper again, and she flipped it sideways, scrutinizing the text. ‘Listen to this:

‘Lakewater Lily expert, Herbologist Herbert Mucus, Investigates the effects of Murtlap Essence when dripped over the flower itself, rather than the root.
‘The Lily didn’t wilt,’ he said excitedly, ‘It flourished! It seems that in the light of this new found discovery, ‘You’ll be wanting to take my Lily away for examination!’
Mucus, who founded the Lakewater Lily Lovers of Lantana…’

Marie rolled her eyes. ‘Now you’re paranoid. You receive one lily from a random boy, and, may I add – it was left at the common room portrait, so we don’t even know what house he’s in – and now you’re on a coincidence rampage!’

‘It’s not a coincidence,’ she pressed. ‘Look for yourself!’ She pointed Marie to the first letter, in every second line of the text in the newspaper.

‘Holy… Lilies…’

Marie grabbed the paper off Lily who sat there next to her in shock. Reading each line carefully, she read aloud:

‘Lakewater Lily expert,
Herbologist Herbert Mucus,
Investigates the effects of Murtlap Essence
when dripped over the flower itself, rather than the root. ‘The
Lily didn’t wilt,’ he said excitedly, ‘It flourished!
It seems that in the light of this new found discovery, ‘
You’ll be wanting to take my Lily away for examination!’
Mucus, who founded the Lakewater Lily Lovers of Lantana…’

She whistled. ‘Boy, he’s good.’

*

‘Lily!’

A little girl came thundering up the stairs. ‘Lily Evans!’ her bright blue eyes sparkled from underneath a heavy dark chocolate brown fringe. ‘This was at the portrait hole, addressed to you!’

‘Thank you, Michelle. Did you see who dropped it off?’ Lily took the envelope in her hand cautiously. It simply said, ‘Lily’ on it in flowing, neat script. She snorted. It definitely wasn’t anyone she knew. All her friends’ writing was terribly messy. She should know; she corrected it enough.

‘Is it a secret admirer?’ Michelle’s eyes were wide open with curiosity as she stood in the doorway of the seventh-year dormitory.

‘You could say that,’ Lily said quietly, a small smile playing across her lip. She glanced over at the bedside table her lily was resting on. Well, not resting. The perfect crystal vase she had made from a scrap of broken glass reflected the moonlight coming in through the window, holding the flower upright and allowing it to dip its edges in the glow outside of the window.

‘That’s so incredibly romantic,’ Michelle sighed, and flitted out of the room. Lily smiled softly and opened the envelope.

‘I say green.

You say, grass.

I say your eyes.

You say, to see.

I say, to be led blindly.

You say you need independence,

And I say, should you come with me, you’ll finally have independence.’

At that moment, Marie burst through the door. ‘What’s that?’ she asked when she noticed the letter in Lily’s hands. ‘From your family?’

Lily blushed and hugged it to her chest. ‘No. Of course not.’

Marie’s eyes widened. ‘This guy is capable of writing a secret message in the Prophet, and delivering a love letter in the middle of the night, without any one seeing him? Lily pudding, what did you do to attract this man?’

Lily spluttered. ‘I did nothing! I feel sorry for the guy when Potter finds out though.’

‘If he finds out, you mean.’

‘What?’

‘Well,’ said Marie, in a tone that suggested it was quite obvious, ‘Don’t let Potter find out, and your lover boy will be safe for you to meet.’

Lily folded up the letter and sank onto her bed. ‘You know, I just don’t get Potter.’

Marie laughed and jumped onto her bed. ‘What’s not to get? The boy is in love with you. He thinks he’s a god. He knows he’s a god at Quidditch,’ she added, laughing. ‘But,’ she continued, ‘He’s also loyal. He’s also a royal pain in the arse. He’s a show off. Self absorbed. He plays mean tricks on people, he’s smart, teases Snape-’ She ticked them off, both positives and negatives on her fingers until Lily interrupted her with a filthy look.

‘Yes. The way he treats Severus.’

‘Lils. You may not have noticed, but Severus Snape? Fool. Asshole. Complete and utter racist. How can you feel for that piece of squirmy grime?’

Lily shrugged. She put up with a lot of talk back from people. She always would. ‘Look, I just feel sorry for him because James always takes it out of him. I don’t like him, but I don’t like James, either.’

Marie raised her eyebrows and sunk back into Lily’s pillows, reading the note. ‘Whatever. Just please say you like this guy, whoever he is.’

Lily smirked and turned away. ‘Maybe I do. Maybe…’

*

‘Wonder what amazing gift the admirer will have for the admired today,’ said Marie dryly as they entered the Great Hall.

Lily winced at the sarcastic tone in her friend’s voice. ‘Are you alright, Marie?’

Marie blushed and turned swiftly to sit at the Gryffindor table. ‘Well, maybe, I’m a little, teensy little bit jealous. But only because I haven’t got one of my own, or a Black of my own.’

Lily raised her eyebrow. ‘Sirius?’

Marie choked on her toast. ‘Regulus,’ she confirmed, turning bright red. Lily clucked her tongue disapprovingly. She wasn’t one to meddle in what people’s families were like, and she tried to judge people by their own personality, and merits. The Black boys weren’t evil. She wasn’t sure Snape was, either. She refused to listen to the rumor mill when it came to such matters.

‘Lily? Lily? Snap out of it.’

‘Oh, sorry.’ Lily had been staring into space. A space it turned out was currently occupied by one Sirius Black. She threw him a filthy look. He threw her back a fairly suggestive one, and she sighed and dug into her pocket for the letter.

Marie, on the other hand, angled her neck so that her jaw and right eye were clearly visible to one boy on the Slytherin table. Noticing Lily, Marie dropped her toast and hissed, ‘Are you serious? You’re bringing it out here? At breakfast?’

Lily blushed again, to the tips of her lovely red hair. She lowered her green eyes and read the flowing script again, and it blurred as it was snatched out of her hands by one James Potter.

‘What’ve you got here, Evans?’ he asked, taking the parchment, speaking loud enough for everyone around to hear.

‘Give that back right now, Potter,’ she hissed, swiping at it.

‘Now why would I do a thing like that, Lily?’ he teased.

‘Potter, I’m warning you, I’ll–’

‘You’ll what? Take points off me? Off your own house?’

Lily sat there dumbstruck. Marie sat poised in her seat, and shrugged away when Sirius came to sit next to her. Sirius seemed entertained, Marie tense.

‘Potter. I swear-’

‘I say green, you say grass… oh how very romantic,’ James began to read loudly so that his voice carried over to the other tables.

Lily sat there boiling until James reached ‘…you’ll finally have independence. Aww, ladies and gentlemen… isn’t that sweet?’

‘I’ll never forgive you, James Potter,’ she hissed, snatching her letter up and walking erectly towards the Great Hall doors. No one laughed, no one dared, but they all bowed their heads in conversation. Small irrelevant giggles began to break out in the Hall as normal conversations started up again.

‘Stay away from us,’ Marie threatened James. He shrugged and gave her back the envelope Lily left behind. Marie shot Sirius and James a dirty look, and smiled at Remus who smiled back apologetically.

‘I think you blew it, Prongs,’ said Remus over the top of his book.

‘I’ll fix it,’ he said, confidently.

*

‘Bloody… James Potter!’ shouted Lily into the open corridor. Her right hand balled into a fist, while her other cradled the letter.

Marie scuttled closer to her. ‘You forgot this,’ she said quietly, giving Lily the envelope.

Lily accepted it from her, and shivered as a cold wind passed her. ‘Did you feel something?’

‘No.’

‘It feels like a window’s open.’

‘I didn’t feel anything,’ Marie said, confused. ‘Anyway. Let’s go back up to the common room. Maybe he’s left another note. He had to have seen that.’

Blushing, Lily nodded and followed her friend up the stairs to the common room.

*

‘You’re joking.’

‘Oh snap, this guy’s got style. Another letter?’

‘Directions,’ Lily paled. ‘He wants me to go to The Hog’s Head. Marie, that’s in Hogsmeade.’

‘I know it’s in Hogsmeade. I also happen to know we’re not allowed out. I’m guessing you won’t be seeing this boy,’ she said hopefully.

‘What?’ said Lily absentmindedly, leaning against the wall outside of the portrait hole. ‘Of course I’m going.’

‘That’s good – What? You’re going to go out after hours?’

‘Well… if this is the boy that’s game enough to stand up to Potter, then yes, Marie, I’ll be going out.’

Marie stared dumbfounded at her friend. ‘You’re seriously considering breaking the rules?’

‘I enforce the rules, Marie. Doesn’t mean I can’t break them myself.’

Marie opened her mouth and closed it again. ‘Not a word,’ said Lily dangerously. ‘I’m going to meet this guy… at ten o’clock, inside the pub, it says.’

‘And HOW are you going to get there?’

‘Remus,’ she smirked. Lily smiled devilishly. ‘He admitted he knew a way out, a place to study during the night. There’s a small alcove near the base of the Astronomy Tower he finds quite pleasant for studying during the night. He gave me the location of a tunnel that’ll get me there.’

‘You’re taking the word of a guy who’s best friends with Potter? You’re seriously going to meet a boy you don’t even know is real’

‘Marie, I’m taking the word of Remus. And I don’t know this boy, but he seems perfectly alright. And besides, maybe it’ll convince James that there really is someone else out there for me.’

Marie sighed, and gave the password, ‘Nitwit.’

The Fat Lady glared at her reproachfully. ‘I think you’re being very stupid, girls, plotting to leave the castle.’

The girls exchanged glances, and Lily tucked away her letter. ‘Please let us in?’

The Fat Lady harrumphed, but opened her portrait. ‘But I’ll tell you this, girls, I think you’re being the nitwits.’

*

Lily made her way through the snow in the front of the Hog’s Head. Icicles hung from the sign, preventing it form swinging eerily like it usually did. All around her, lights glowed in windows, and a warm feeling emanated from the dingy pub in front of her. Wishing that her admirer had chosen The Three Broomsticks instead, she stepped into the pub.

She looked over in the corner and saw a lone figure. She figured it must be him. The only other man in the pub was the dirty old graying barman, who was sorting through his cupboards and pulling things out, left right and centre.

Lily stepped graciously over to the table in the corner. It was lit by one low burning oil lamp in the middle of the table, but the man’s face was hidden in deep shadow. She nervously pulled out a chair and settled herself into it.

‘Well… hello,’ she said uncertainly.

He tipped the glass he was holding towards her, ‘Drink?’

Her nose wrinkled. ‘What is it?’

He laughed. Her brow furrowed. She recognized that voice, that laugh, but from where? He offered her the glass again. A green crystal liquid sloshed around in it warmly. ‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, Lily.’

‘Absinthe?’

‘A Muggle drink, I thought you’d know that.’

She sputtered, putting her hands on the table cautiously. Who was he? ‘Of course I know that. But why are you drinking it. You’re a wizard.’

He chuckled again. The disembodied laugh was starting to irritate her. ‘Why can’t you just come out of the shadows and tell me who you are?’

He rocked back in his chair. Annoyingly, the shadow seemed to follow his face, permanently settled there. She cursed herself for not thinking of it earlier. Clearly, he’d made sure it was impossible for his face to influence her.

She reasoned with herself. ‘If… if I try your silly Muggle drink, will you tell me who you are?’

The chair and the person in it paused in mid-rock. ‘Well,’ he mused, ‘I think perhaps that could be in order.’ He pushed the crystal glass towards her, and she lifted it to her nose in toast.

‘To my secret admirer,’ she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Tipping the glass she sipped a little, and felt her tongue tingling most unpleasantly.

She spluttered, and scowled. ‘What’s in that foul drink?’

The man laughed, and continued to rock. ‘Well, Wormwood. You should know that.’

Lily felt like hitting herself over the head. What had made her come out on this whim, to meet this stranger?

Oh, right, James.

‘Well,’ she admitted. ‘I should have known that. But I thought you said it was a Muggle drink?’

He stood up, kicked his chair in and leant against the window. ‘Well, Lily, Muggles aren’t as ignorant as we give them credit for. They do use some of our herbs… and Wormwood is quite popular, in spirits.’

‘Spirits?’

He snorted. ‘Not a drinker? What did you think it was, cordial?’

She blushed. She was infuriated that he could see her expressions, and yet she could only hear the incredulity and scorn in his. ‘Well…’ she trailed off. In truth, she had been feeling quite daring, quite bold.

‘Well?’

‘Well,’ she said, playing with her fingers, ‘I thought that perhaps I could… persuade you. You’ve been so… kind to me. I’d like to know who you are.’

‘Lily Evans, persuading me? Now, why, that’s different and completely unexpected!’

Lily frowned and tossed her red hair over her shoulders. There was something unsettling about this boy. He seemed too confident. More confident than any one she’d ever known; more confident than James, or Sirius.

‘Are you going to hold up your end of the bargain?’

‘My end?’ he seemed confused. ‘What bargain?’

She stepped closer, trying to see deeper into the shadows. ‘You said if I drank that you’d tell me who you were.’

‘No, actually you said it.’

‘You agreed to it.’

‘That I did.’

‘So,’ she said, as he picked up the glass and conjured an identical, full counterpart, ‘Who are you?’

‘I’m the person you’d least expect,’ he said, pushing the glass into her hand.

She pouted, but took the glass. She swayed, feeling freer and closer to the edge, nearer to the brink of insanity than ever before. Who cared that she’d never drunk in her life? Who really cared about the fact she’d never been like this before? She felt coy, calculating… flirtatious.

She needed a break from the woes of James Potter.

‘I’ll take that.’ She took the glass and swallowed another mouthful. She shuddered as the bitter liquid burned down her throat. Lily glared reproachfully at the man who shook silently with laughter.

‘You forgot to dilute it.’

‘I forgot nothing, dear admirer. I wanted it straight.’ Never any harm in pretending you were right all along, she noted to herself.

‘The great Lily Evans, drinking spirits straight? I’m impressed. Just remember, I’m not walking out of here with you on my arm, and having you plant your face in the mud.’

Something about the last couple of lines registered in her mind. They seemed familiar. The tone; the casual air that it was said with was all too familiar.

He eased into the chair next to her.

‘I’ll ask you again. Who are you?’

He leaned forward, the shadow still on his face. He splayed his fingers across the table, and Lily saw that they were slightly webbed. ‘I’m the person that’s going to take your mind off things.’

Suddenly cautious, Lily only rose the glass to her lips. Her admirer, however, downed another glass. He grinned, and his white teeth sparkled in the dim light.

Lily looked around nervously, suddenly all the more aware of the fact that she really didn't know the person in front of her. Swiveling around to look at the bar, the old grey man was standing in the shadows, shifting various boxes from side to side, but still, he was watching them. Looking around at the other tables, there was no one else there. It was only her, and her admirer.

'I... I have to go,' she said, grabbing her things.

His chair dropped to the ground with a thud as he jumped up and cried out, 'No! Lily!'

She faltered, swung around and screwed her face up in anger. 'James Potter!'

He sighed, and dropped the shadows around his face. He looked tired, disappointed and genuinely sad. Lily softened. She took in his pleading eyes, his earnest expression and the down turned mouth.

'You sent me all those things?'

He frowned. "Lily. I didn't get Peter to think of them off the top of his head, if that's what you think.'

Lily blushed. She squared her shoulders and tossed her long red hair over her shoulder impatiently. The old graying man in the corner of the bar had moved a little closer, and was reaching under the bar for something.

'No, Potter.' She noticed he winced at the use of his last name. 'James. Did you personally write and really mean everything you said to me in that letters?'

He nodded, gulping. She backed away form the table as he tripped over his chair. 'Lily. I meant every single word. I meant every single, bloody word, Lily. I really like you.'

'Why should I like you James? You tease and taunt me. You’re rude and arrogant. You know, I even thought that this person - you as it turns out - had been scared away after the Great Hall incident?'

He had the good grace to blush and pick himself up off the ground. He walked slowly over to the other side of the table.

'Look, Lily, I admit that was to throw you. It may have been-'

'MAY have been? James! You made a fool of me, and evidently, of yourself! Except you, unlike me, were able to hide under your cloak-'

'What cloak?' he asked, confused.

Lily exploded. 'There was no cloak! it was an expression! You didn't get paid out, James! You weren't humiliated! You didn't have to sit there while you teased me about the one person that could have actually cared about me.'

'But I do care about you, Lily,' he said seriously, coming closer again. Now he was eye to eye with her. She tilted her chin up, and tears leaked from her eyes.

'I hate you, James. I hate you. You humiliate me. You make me feel like a fool. Hell, Potter, what I just said just then - it confused the hell out of me. You confuse me. You make me so angry I feel like I could pummel you in the face. Listen to me! I was talking about you like you were a separate person! But you're not, James. You're not that person that sent me the flower, or the poem, or the letter - you're not him, James. That's not you.'

'But it was me, Lily,' he said quickly, reaching down to grab her small hands. She struggled against his hold, but he tightened his grip, keeping an eye on the barman out of the corner of his eye. 'It was me, and it's still me. How can I prove that to you?'

She looked downward, away form his face. 'It doesn't matter, James. Let go of me. You brought me here-'

'Well, you came, I didn't force you.'

'Thank you for pointing that out, James,' she said bitterly. 'But still. you convinced me to come here tonight, and you pretended you were someone else. I wouldn't have come if it was James Potter.' She pulled her hands out of his grasp and walked stiffly towards the door. The barman slammed a glass down angrily on the bar and glared at James. Hopelessly, he followed her out the door into the blustery snow.

'But I am James Potter, Lily. I was, and I am. I'm the person that sent you flowers, and the letter.' He was speaking furiously now, wading through the knee deep snow. She was walking briskly her wand out in front of her, siphoning away the ice and crunching the snow underfoot. He stumbled in his haste and fell onto the snow, face first.

Spitting out snow, he shouted at her back.

'I'm the person that loves you.'

She turned around and James could see her green eyes were brimming with tears. Her face was blotchy and said miserably, 'You don't love me James. I don't love you.'

‘But Lily!’ said James desperately as he fought his way to his feet, ‘Hate is but love that lost its way.’ He stood there and waited for Lily to come back to him.

She turned slowly, walking towards him. James’s heart leapt in his chest, beating an erratic rhythm against his sternum. His heart fell when Lily raised her hand and gave him a good, hearty slap on the side of his cheek. He did nothing except register the sting on the right side of his face.

‘Hate is just love that lost its way,’ he repeated again. Lily stared into his eyes, hers dissolving into tears again. She pressed herself against him and sobbed.

‘How could you do it, James? How could you fool me if you really loved me?’

‘I had to show you that I wasn’t just a fool, Lily, that I wasn’t just someone who was crazy about you with nothing to back it up. It’s for real.’

‘For real?’ she tilted her face up to his again, and wrapped her frozen hands around his neck, delighting at the warmth she found there.

He lowered his lips to hers and brushed them softly. ‘It’s for real,’ he whispered into her lips.