All day, the threat of rain has hung overhead; all day, the clouds have remained black with this promise, and yet still it has not come. A solitary figure can be seen walking through the streets of London, his eyes fixed in front of him, completely unaware of the sky. He passes shops and people and bustling Underground stations, yet his mind is somewhere else; he left his mind at Hogwarts, all those hours ago.





Now, as he walks through Muggle London, oblivious to those who stop and stare at the man with sandy-coloured hair and dead eyes, his unusual robes moth-eaten and worn, he hardly hears what they whisper as he passes.





It doesn’t seem to matter now he thinks, walking out too soon in front of the traffic, only to be met with angry toots from the drivers. He smiles apologetically before moving on, ignoring the expletives that the cab drivers shout. Their words are pointless; they don’t seem to reach him.





He turns down the alleyway; the walls are sprayed with graffiti. Many Muggles would be scared to venture here alone with nothing but the dim, orange streetlamp to light their way. As if afraid, his hand grasps inside his robes and closes around his wand tightly; the feeling of it comforts him slightly as he walks. As he turns into the street which holds his destination, the sky begins to break.





He continues to walk; the rain softly caresses his tired face, drizzling down over his back as he narrowly avoids being splashed by a bus. For the first time in miles he raises his face to the sky, his eyelashes catching the water which is falling in mists all around, as he inhales deeply. He knows he will be there soon.





He thinks and it appears, squeezing its way out between the two houses either side, their Muggle occupants completely unaware of what lies next door. With heavy feet he climbs the steps and pushes the front door open and, without even glancing back, he closes the door behind him, and the house disappears.











Remus presses his back to the door and buries his head in his hands. Grimmauld Place would never be the same for him now; it has lost the only thing that had ever made it bearable to live in. Now he can’t stand to be here; surrounded by nothing but cold, empty darkness. Sadness has fallen like a shroud over everything. Yet as Remus opens his eyes to gaze upon the dimly lit corridor, he feels his heart lift as he senses him…his trace…his touch…in everything.





As he walks to the kitchen Remus knows that it will be empty; he seems to be the only member of the Order who uses Grimmauld Place now. Of course, it is still their headquarters, but after the events of the past few months many are unwilling to enter a place that had, if only for a short time, been the residence of the one they have lost. The Weasleys have returned to The Burrow; Molly had never liked the place much, and after everything her family had been through she had decided that staying at The Burrow would be best. Tonks has been to visit more than the others; often she has turned up unannounced and scolded him for spending so much time on his own. He has welcomed her interference; sometimes the house has proved too much, its solemnity is draining.





Remus puts the kettle on the stove and lights the gas with a flick of his wand, leaning back against the sideboard to stare at the wallpaper which is yellowing; the mildew obscuring its pattern. As he stares he once again hears Snape’s cruel, hard voice in his headPerhaps not…she was not exactly to your tastes, was she?





The kettle whistles and steam rises from the spout and without taking his eyes from the wall, Remus mutters under his breath in its direction, causing the water to pour into the cup he has set out; the teaspoon begins to stir. Snape had tried to hurt him, saying those words in that cold, distant voice - and it had worked. He had known just what to say to make him remember the pains of his past…the pains of years long gone. Remus sits down at the kitchen table, the cup hovering towards him; and as he takes it he winces at the memory of the question Harry had asked;I want to know Remus…I want to know what Sirius and my dad fought about that night…





Suddenly the cup falls from Remus’ hand and smashes on the floor, sending the light golden liquid oozing across the tiles. Harry had asked him and he had feigned ignorance…he had acted as if he hadn’t known…as if it hadn’t happened. Remus can feel the familiar surroundings swim, his head becoming heavy as he blinks slowly, trying to rid himself of the black shapes that seem to float across his vision. He hadn’t even meant to do it he thinks to himself, rubbing his face with his hands, blinking again to steady his gaze. Harry had just assumed…it hadn’t really been a lie…

Remus ignored another piece of parchment, which had been neatly folded and enchanted to flutter down beside him. He knew that if he turned round he would see Sirius scowling at him, flicking his head in the direction of the note in an attempt to make Remus look. Oh no, he thought to himself as he once again read the same sentence over in his textbook; he wasn’t going to fall for that trick today.

Beside him Peter sat, anxiously looking down at the three squares of parchment that Sirius and James had sent and, after waiting for McGonagall to slink off to the front of the classroom, he whispered nervously, “Aren’t you going to open them?�

Remus didn’t look up from his page as he replied simply, “I already know what they say.�

Behind him Remus could hear Sirius and James whispering, their voices well-practiced enough in speaking in low tones to avoid McGonagall’s attention. Yet Remus, who was used to their way of speaking by now, barely had to strain his ears to hear James say, “He hasn’t even looked at them. I can see them now…they’re on the desk in front of him.�

“Bah,� Sirius said, his chair creaking, and Remus imagined him leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. “He’ll look at them eventually if we annoy him enough.�

Remus smiled at this and turned the page. Peter, who was becoming increasingly agitated beside him, craned his neck to read over Remus’ shoulder, as if his textbook might say something that his own did not. Predictably, another piece of parchment floated gently across the classroom before settling down next to Remus’ elbow. Remus tried to ignore it, but Peter began pulling on the arm of his robe as he pointed down at the desk. On the outside of this piece of parchment, Sirius had written in his characteristically spidery handwriting: just read the bloody note Moony.

Grinning to himself, Remus lifted the note as if he was going to open it; feeling Peter watching him intently; knowing that behind him that James’ and Sirius’ eyes were also upon him. Then, making sure that he had raised his hand high enough for Sirius to see, he crunched the notes, balling them together before throwing them across the room and into the bin. As they ricocheted downwards McGonagall started; her eyes were immediately drawn to the four boys at the back of the classroom, who were now all studying their textbooks serenely.

“Nice shot,� Sirius mumbled under his breath, loud enough for both Remus and Peter to hear. James laughed, however, his face remained completely immobile as he felt himself still being scrutinized by McGonagall.

“Better watch out Padfoot…he’ll be trying out for Chaser next.�



“Oh, come on Moony…it’s not like it hasn’t been done before…� Sirius said as they left the classroom, his voice close to a whine, as he carefully watched Remus’ face for any sign of him relenting. Peter scurried along next to them, finding it hard to keep up as Remus attempted to set the pace, unable to avoid James and Sirius as they walked backwards down the corridor in front of them.

“It was different then,� Remus stressed, avoiding Sirius’ eyes as he walked a little faster. “I wasn’t a Prefect.�

“Look,� James continued after throwing a glance at Sirius, “We’re not saying that you have to have any part in it whatsoever…we’re merely suggesting that you just stand by and let it happen…you know…and if anyone happens to come along, you can perhaps warn us.�

“I’ll do it,� Peter said hopefully. Sirius rolled his grey eyes before articulating slowly, “Yes - only last time we left you in charge of lookout, you got so frightened by the Bloody Baron that you transformed…we couldn’t find you for hours…�

James laughed, and even Remus couldn’t fight the smile. Peter stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at the floor before he said sulkily, “It wasn’t my fault! None of you were out there in the corridor with him were you?�

“Besides,� Sirius continued, his eyes trying to meet Remus’, who was very successfully avoiding them, “You’re almost above suspicion now aren’t you? Being a Prefect and all…I mean…I don’t think anyone would suspect anything if they saw you wandering around the corridors at night.� Remus shot Sirius an angry look; Sirius smiled sweetly, pleased with the victory he had won over Remus’ eyes. Something inside Remus flipped as Sirius’ lips curled into the self-assured smirk that seemed to send most girls hysterical. It annoyed Remus that he seemed to be able to manipulate people without trying; he knew he was charming; he knew he was attractive; he knew that he could convince anyone of anything. He was arrogant, but he knew it, and that somehow made it okay. James was the same; he knew he was arrogant and yet this seemed to excuse his behaviour, which was sometimes, even by Sirius’ standards, a little extreme.

Of course, James was not nearly as handsome as Sirius, not that Sirius himself seemed to care. Remus had never known someone to take so little care over their appearance; most days he would just roll out of bed and into his robes, and still manage to look infuriatingly beautiful. That face…that was so capable of the darkest of looks and lightest of smiles; those lips…that could both condemn and favour with the smallest of movements; those eyes…that seemed to constantly mock all that they turned to, and yet managed to appear like they were constantly close to tears. Oh yes, Sirius Black was easily considered the best looking boy at Hogwarts.

Remus, on the other hand, was certainly not what anyone would call ‘handsome’. His lycanthropy did leave him looking wild sometimes; his amber eyes were occasionally ferocious compared to the softness of his face. Often he was exhausted from his monthly transformations, his face dark with fatigue. Remus hardly ever lifted his head from a book; his complexion was usually pasty and washed out. He wasn’t particularly dark or mysterious; he was just fair and cold, frequently silent and distant, consumed in the books he read. He wasn’t on the Quidditch team and so did not attract the amount of female attention Sirius and James did with their athletic physiques and their incredible powers of persuasion.

Though, of course, there was only one girl James was interested in, and she had just appeared at the end of the corridor that he and Sirius were doing their best to block.

“Oh look James - there’s Evans,� Sirius said, digging him in the ribs with his elbow. Immediately, James’ hands were in his hair, ruffling it to make it stick up before he shouted to the pretty red-haired Gryffindor with the green eyes, “Alright Evans?�

Lily said nothing to James, her brow furrowing in disgust slightly before she turned to Remus and said, “I’ve been looking for you. I need to talk to you about something…� She paused, noticing the way that James in particular was watching her intently. She flashed Remus a quick smile before continuing, “Come and find me later when you’ve got rid of your present company…�

“Can I come later too?� James pressed, turning his body to block her path as well as Remus’ as he stared hopefully into her eyes.

“I don’t think so somehow,� Lily said, failing to be amused. James face crumbled as if he was hurt, and, after pouting stupidly for a moment, he said sulkily, “Oh come on, Evans…when are you going to go out with me? I know you like me…�

“For god’s sake Evans,� Sirius interjected impatiently, leaning against the wall, “Can you put him out of his misery already?�

Lily smiled sweetly but her voice was poisonous as she said to James, “Don’t make me hex you, Potter. Just get out of my way…� Remus smiled to himself as he watched James hesitate, obviously trying to work out whether or not Lily was serious. Experience, however, had taught him not to underestimate her and, after bowing low, he moved and allowed her to pass. For a moment, he watched her walk away, his eyes scanning her body before he sighed, “You know…I think I’m wearing her down.�

“Oh yes,� Sirius began, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he straightened up, “Make sure you let me know when you set the date…I’ve been looking for an excuse to buy a new hat.�

Peter looked at Sirius, confused. “Why would you need an excuse to buy a hat?�

Remus sighed and buried his face in his hands. Sirius laughed and James reacted by clipping Peter round the back of his head with the words, “Honestly Wormtail, sometimes I wonder if you were dropped on your head as a child.�

The Gryffindor common room was completely deserted as Remus sat in the armchair before the fire; his legs curled round underneath him as he stretched out his arms above his head and yawned deeply. They had known as soon as since Remus had refused to read the notes that it was a lost cause; there was no way he was going to stand watch this time whilst Sirius and James raided the Potions cupboard. Finally, Peter had convinced them that they could trust him, and all three had disappeared about an hour ago, concealed beneath James’ invisibility cloak as they had climbed out of the portrait hole. They had left Remus completely alone; it had been hours since the last few tired Gryffindors had gone to bed and had left him reading, alone, by the fire.

Remus rubbed the sleep out of his eyes blinked up at the large grandfather clock. It had just gone twelve. Maybe I should go to bed, he thought to himself, allowing his head to loll back into the armchair, as he stared absently into the dying flames. It could be ages before they got back. Maybe they were hiding from Severus Snape, who seemed to always be just one step behind; he imagined them, huddled underneath the cloak, their backs pressed against the wall as the Slytherin slipped by. Remus smiled to himself and yawned again, allowing his eyes to close. He thought of James and Sirius desperately rifling through the store, suppressing their laughter; thinking of the possible potions they could make. He thought of Peter hovering nervously out in the corridor, jumping at even the slightest noise, his eyes scouring the corridor, narrowed in the darkness.

Suddenly the portrait door flew open and Remus jumped, his eyes shooting open in time to see James and Sirius laughing uncontrollably, clutching at their stomachs before they collapsed on the floor. Confused, Remus looked to Peter for an explanation as he stood up, seeing immediately what it was that they were laughing at. Peter had turned a bright shade of green; everything from the flesh of his lips to his hair had changed, and he was looking decidedly miserable now as he looked at Remus and then at the floor. The joke seemed to be lost on him.

Flinging down his book, Remus crossed the room, stepping over the forms of Sirius and James (who were still rolling on the floor) and lifting Peter’s face upwards to examine it better under the dying lights.

“Oh,very mature. What have you done?�

“We…just…thought…we’d…try…a…little…experiment…� James managed to splutter between his giggles. Remus’ eyes were full of sympathy as Peter simply shrugged. This seemed to be Peter’s role in their group; the butt of all jokes. Sirius had stopped writhing and was now up on his knees, catching his breath and holding his sides.

“Oh, don’t fuss over him Moony!� he snapped impatiently, irritated suddenly by his friend’s consternation. “He deserved it! Besides, it will wear off in an hour or two.�

“I didn’t mean to…� Peter began, his eyes imploring Remus like a child’s. “I just tripped over the…�

“Wormtail here decided that the best way to not draw attention to himself was to make as much noise as possible.� James could not stop laughing as Sirius rose to his feet. For a moment, he seemed angry as he looked down at James, his hair concealing his face and all possible expressions. Yet this moment of darkness passed as he rolled his eyes and, after smiling down fondly at his best friend, he held out his hands for James to take.

“But still,� Remus said, not noticing the way Sirius winced as he began to speak, patting Peter on the shoulder before returning to his chair. “You didn’t have to jinx him, did you? You know he can’t help it sometimes if he’s a little…clumsy…�

“Oh come on, Moony,� James said now standing, throwing an arm around Peter and squeezing him hard. Peter’s green face grimaced. “Wormtail knows we don’t mean anything by it, don’t you?� Peter nodded, saying nothing. Remus sighed and opened his book.

“Not coming up then?� Sirius asked, and his voice had lost its previous lightness as his eyes remained fixed on the back of Remus’ chair.

“No, not yet,� Remus replied, his voice impassive as he continued to read.

“Come on Padfoot, he’ll be up in a minute.� James, dragging Peter over to the stairs, one arm still about his shoulders, had noticed the way his friend had frozen. Sirius turned to James, unable to help sniggering once more at Peter’s green face.

“You go up…I’ll stay with Moony.� Unconsciously, Remus tensed. “You go and tuck him in.�

James could still be heard teasing Peter up the stairs as Remus avoided Sirius’ eyes when he took the seat opposite, loosening his tie before yawning hard. Sirius watched the way the firelight cast dark shadows across his friend’s face; shadows which made him appear more solemn than usual. He sighed dramatically, running his hand through his long, dark hair before saying with an air of frustration, “You don’t have to stick up for him you know. We’re all friends. He knows we don’t mean it.�

Remus’ voice was calm, though he kept his eyes on the floor, as he answered, “I know, but sometimes you just take it too far.� Remus had not lifted his eyes. Sirius let his head fall back as he stared up at the ceiling.

“Maybe…� he mused for a moment as if contemplating taking the point further. “But you have to agree that he makes such a delicious victim.� Remus’ eyes had found Sirius’ by accident, and both boys smiled. Frustrated at this weakness, Remus snapped his book shut, balancing it on the arm of the chair before succumbing…allowing his smile to consume him. It was impossible to remain serious for long.

“What did you get?� Remus asked eventually, his inquisitive nature getting the better of him. Sirius yawned again, ruffling his hair aimlessly before replying, “I don’t know…James got it all…I think he’s planning on swotting up on Potions to impress Lily…somehow, I don’t think it will work.� Remus smiled. James was absolutely hopeless at Potions; he seemed to lack the subtlety required. Lily, on the other hand, was marvellous; her talents were rivalled only by Snape’s, who scowled, inconsolable, every time Slughorn praised her work, and forgot to mention his own.

“Did Evans find you in the end?� Momentarily confused by this question, Remus shrugged. He had completely forgotten that Lily had wanted to talk to him; he hadn’t even thought to look for her in the common room earlier - and now she would have long since gone to bed.

“No, I forgot.� Sirius’ face became mischievous, darkening, his grey eyes twinkling with mirth as he suggested cautiously, “She’s quite a fan of yours, isn’t she? You don’t think that she could have a soft spot for you?�

If Remus had been an ordinary boy he would have been offended; hurt by the suggestion that he could be interested in the one girl James was obsessed with. Instead he simply shrugged, swinging his legs out from underneath him before stretching them out in front.

“Not at all,� he said matter-of-factly. “You know as well as I do that she only likes James.�

“Hmmm,� Sirius said darkly, before he suddenly burst out, “I wish she would just hurry up and tell him though. It’s getting on my nerves all this going backwards and forwards. If she had just been straight with him we wouldn’t have had to have put up with his pining all these years.�

Sirius was always straight. Remus had lost count of the girls he had gone out with; none of them seemed to be around for very long. He grew restless; they grew demanding; or he simply lost interest. Remus had never met any of these girls except in passing; he always seemed to see them when he was away from them all. Sirius never once tried to introduce a girl to the rest of the Marauders. He bought them up occasionally in conversation (usually to complain about how clingy they were getting), though never once did he seem to want to say what kind of person they actually were. It seemed that Sirius didn’t really have a type; if they were pretty, female and adored him, he was usually satisfied.

“And besides…� Remus continued, interrupting his own thought process as he spoke. “I don’t think Lily Evans would ever consider me as her type.� Not that Remus minded so much; he wasn’t the kind of boy that cared much whether girls were interested or not. He found it easy to talk to them - Lily and he had grown closer since the beginning of this year - and yet he knew that he lacked whatever it was that Sirius had that made girls fall over themselves when they saw him. Remus was plain and distant, though not brooding. Often more interested in his books than what was happening on the Quidditch pitch, Remus often felt uncomfortable in prolonged conversations. He was constantly afraid that the person he was talking to would suddenly see something in him that they didn’t like…that they would look into his eyes and realise that he wasn’t exactly…normal. He felt awkward, but not shy. He seemed to be able to get along easily with just about anyone - which was why, he supposed, he had been made a Prefect. But despite this, he still wasn’t comfortable talking to strangers; it had been bad enough attempting to make, and keep, friends in his first year. He didn’t want to relive that experience with girls.

Sirius had been thinking, his grey eyes earnest as he looked at Remus, who was also consumed with thought. After a long moment of silence, Sirius cleared his throat and began to speak, his voice warm and genuine, “Oh I don’t know about that Moony…� Suddenly Sirius’ expression changed and as he beat his chest in a Neanderthal manner he teased, “Well, you certainly haven’t got the charm, looks and charisma I have.� Remus rolled his eyes. “But you definitely have…something…�

Sirius’ voice was soft, almost breathy; and something about the way he had said the word “something� caused Remus to flinch uncomfortably. Sirius seemingly didn’t seem to have noticed and his voice was more confident as he continued, “You have that kind of distance girls tend to like…you’re not cold, though, are you? I mean, it’s not like you’re a git and ignore people.� Remus laughed. “No - it’s more kind of…soft than that. More…gentle…�

Remus gulped hard as Sirius seemed to freeze, his lips slightly parted as though the words had simply dried on his tongue. For a moment he almost looked embarrassed; and maybe it was just the light and shadows from the fire, but Remus could almost make out a blush spreading its way across Sirius’ face.

“Oh I don’t know what I’m talking about…� Sirius mumbled, half to himself and half to Remus. Remus’ eyes were fixed on his friend, who had now stood up and was busying his hands by taking off his tie completely. “Anyone would think I was going all…sensitive…�

Typical Sirius, Remus thought, watching the way he wrapped the tie tightly about his hand; trust him to believe sensitivity was a weakness. The embarrassment from Sirius’ voice had vanished and the blush had drained from his cheeks as he asked with a flippant toss of the head, “You coming up now?�

“Yeah…� Remus said quietly, standing and picking up his book, “Yeah, I’m coming.�

“I don’t want to do this anymore,� Sirius said petulantly, leaning back in his chair, arms folded across his chest as he glanced hopefully around the common room for support. None came; Peter had been sulking on his own for most of the morning, and James was off frantically trying to copy his Transfiguration essay from anyone in their year that would oblige. Despite the obvious disinterest of his pupil, Remus would not give up. He had long ago stopped letting them copy from him - ever since McGonagall had twigged that the three essays that were handed to her on a Wednesday afternoon where uncannily similar, and given all three of them detention for it (James and Sirius for not even trying to be original; Remus, for letting them do it.) James still attempted to get a way with not doing it himself, usually choosing the most unobvious candidate to copy from in the hope that it would not arouse McGonagall’s suspicions. Once, he had even tried to steal Snape’s essay, but it had ended in a week in the hospital wing for both of them, and innumerable detentions.

Sirius, on the other hand, was unable to find it within himself to ask anyone else to let him copy (and not being stupid enough to copy Peter) he had begrudgingly agreed to let Remus help him in the free periods before Transfiguration. However, despite the fact that Remus was his friend and a generous teacher, Sirius found that these sessions were anything but easy. Remus was patient; frustratingly so sometimes, as Sirius would try and infuriate him in to giving away the easy answers. It never worked. Remus was too quick and too used to Sirius’ tactics for that, and instead he would gently nudge Sirius in the right direction, leaving him to decipher the texts on his own, and to painfully construct his own answers.

Remus looked up from his book and smiled, his eyes mischievous as he shrugged flippantly, “Fair enough. I mean, if you want to have detention with McGonagall for the third time this week…�

Sirius did not smile.

“Oh bloody hell, Moony!� he huffed, pulling out another piece of parchment and dipping his quill reluctantly into the pot of ink, “Why can’t you just make it easy for me…you know…give me some clues as to what the answers should be…�

“Because you’re not an idiot, Padfoot, however much you pretend to be.� Sirius wrinkled his nose and glared down at the words he was writing. Remus smiled, teasing as he continued, “You know this stuff…you know you do…you don’t really need my help.�

Sirius shook his head, sending his dark hair in front of his face, hiding his expressions as he said darkly, “If I know this stuff, why do I find it so hard?� Remus said nothing, instead continuing to read. For a few moments they continued in silence, Remus absorbing the words of the incantations he read, Sirius pouting down at his parchment. Remus knew that this wouldn’t last for long and, true to form, Sirius raised his eyes from his essay and asked, “Where’s Prongs?�

Remus conceded this interruption and pulled the map towards him, scanning it swiftly until his eyes found the dot marked “James Potter.�

“Looks likes he’s trying to get into the Hufflepuff common room.� Remus handed Sirius the map before turning the page of his book. “I don’t think it will do much good, though. Their portrait changes the password at least five times a day.�

“He’s talking to Marianne Merrydew now,� Sirius said before letting the map fall to the desk in front of him. He ran his finger down the page, pausing as he copied out a quote and then, after a moment of hesitation, he said, “I’m kind of going out with her you know.�

This had immediately gained Remus’ attention, but he tried to not look too interested as he slowly raised his eyes from the book to Sirius’ face. Sirius looked impassive as he waited for Remus to speak; the information he had just offered clearly did not affect him in the same way as it had his friend. But Remus was stunned, and could hardly hide this as he hesitated; Sirius rarely ever spoke about things like this.

“I can’t remember who she is,� Remus lied in an attempt to get Sirius to say more. He opened his mouth to speak yet before he could, the portrait swung open and two giggling second-year girls entered. Realising that the map was still open on the desk in front of them, Sirius quickly pressed his wand to it and muttered the words “Mischief Managed� before folding it quickly and slipping it inside the pages of his textbook. The second-years paused and were staring at Sirius, whose only response was to pick up his quill and continue to write. This, however seemed to prove more than enough. The girls burst into fits of giggles before, blushing profusely, they scurried up the stairs.

Sirius continued writing as Remus watched him; the opportunity had gone now, the moment had past. Yet after a couple more sentences, Sirius put down his quill, leant back in his chair and said, “You know…pretty Hufflepuff in our year…quite short brown hair…brilliant at Herbology?�

Remus shrugged. He knew exactly which girl that Sirius was talking about; she had been hovering around the portrait of the Fat Lady since the start of term, her hair often pushed back by an Alice band, and she would smile demurely every time that Sirius would pass.

“She’s the girl who sometimes waiting outside isn’t she?� Remus said. Sirius nodded as he began to aimlessly spin a Knut that he had found on the floor beneath his chair.

“Do you like her?�

Sirius didn’t answer for a long time, his gaze completely held by the Knut which was rotating rapidly on the desk. As it fell his eyes once again focused on Remus, and after a confident laugh he said, “Don’t be an idiot, Moony; would I be going out with her if I didn’t?� Remus simply shrugged.

“No, I like her,� Sirius said, as if offended. But as Remus watched him he saw the enthusiasm silently drain from his face, his voice wavering uncertainly as he continued, “Well…I mean I do like her, it’s just…she isn’t half as annoying as some of the girls…she just seems to want…�

“Want what?� Remus said a little too sharply. Sirius’ eyes narrowed suspiciously, before this suspicion gave way to his usual disarming smile as he said silkily, “Oh no, nothing like that. Mind out of the gutter now Mister Lupin.� Remus turned as pink as the second-year Gryffindors as he nervously rifled through the parchments in front of him.

“You know that’s not what I meant…� he managed to say, hot with embarrassment.

“What I was going to say,� Sirius articulated, enjoying the way his friend was squirming, “Was that she just seems to want to be more serious than I like to be. You know me; I can’t really be serious about anything for too long.� Relieved that he had not taken the joke further, Remus sighed, studying Sirius’ face intently for a moment before speaking, “Maybe the fault lies with you then, and not her.�

Now Sirius was genuinely offended as he stuffed the Knut he had been playing with into the pocket of his robes, snapping, “I never said it was her fault, did I?�

“No I know.� Remus’ voice was soft in an attempt to calm the fury that he could see boiling in his friend’s eyes. It seemed to work - Sirius relaxed, his shoulders sagging as he leant back in his chair once more.

“I mean, I like it when it’s fun…it’s great when it’s like that; when I don’t know much about them, and they don’t know much about me. I like knowing that this is a virtual stranger I’m with…yet I’m saying and doing things that I would never, in a million years, dream of doing with someone I didn’t know.� Remus could feel the blush returning. “I just don’t like it after that…after that has gone and it’s time to get serious. They want to know too much then. They want to get to know me - well, you know, like how you know me…� Sirius smiled warmly at Remus who, was frozen, his mind frantically processing all that his friend was saying. “I don’t want them to get to know me like that…it makes me feel…� Sirius paused as if searching for a word, and in a state of anticipation, Remus waited. No such word came, however, and instead Sirius shrugged and sighed.

Silence once again descended between the two and, after a moment of waiting for Sirius to continue, Remus turned his attention back to the books in front of him.

“I don’t use them, you know,� Sirius said suddenly, causing Remus’ eyes to flit upwards and lock with his. For the briefest of moments something unsaid seemed to pass between them, their eyes forming the words they didn’t even know they needed to say.

“I know,� Remus replied solemnly. Sirius looked away first, his eyes automatically drawn to the incomplete essay on the desk. He groaned and looked up at the clock before, with what looked like a great deal of effort, picking up his quill again and beginning to write.

Remus appeared to be reading, his eyes were focused on the text in front of him, but he could not take it in. He was thinking about Marianne Merrydew, that sweet, pretty Hufflepuff girl who had probably been waiting for Sirius on the nights they had passed her. Sirius had never said a word. Maybe he had, though; he probably would have told James. James and Sirius had no secrets. Was that why he had always smiled at Sirius when they passed her? Or had Remus just imagined that? He shook his head as if to clear it, but still these thoughts continued. He thought of the way she might react when kissed; would she close her eyes and sigh? Would her body relent against his? Would her hands roam up over his shoulders and through his hair? Suddenly, as he looked at Sirius scowling down at the parchment, it just didn’t seem fair and, frustrated, he slammed his textbook shut.

Remus hadn’t even hesitated before going in; the Marauders had long since lost the habit of knocking on their own bedroom door. Yet something about the sight that met him on the other side made him feel like he should have. James, who had obviously been sitting cross-legged on the floor jumped, started, and proceeded to hide whatever it was that he had been so intently studying swiftly under his bed, before standing and turning to face Remus, flashing a broad grin. Remus was too well-practised to fall for one of James’ smile, and he turned his eyes to Sirius, who was laid on his back, stretched out on his bed, with his head dangling off the end.

“What’s going on?� Remus asked.

Sirius scratched his stomach lazily before yawning casually, “Nothing much; killing a bit of time before Quidditch practice.�

Remus’ eyes were once again on James, who was backing up against his bed, kicking an object that hadn’t been fully hidden underneath it and saying, “Isn’t Wormtail with you?�

Remus shrugged lightly before allowing himself to fall back onto the bed opposite Sirius’, kicking off his shoes as he did so.

“I left him in the library, working. You know, he really seems to have taken an interest in Defence Against the Dark Arts lately. He’s really improved.�

Sirius hissed as he took a sharp intake of breath and James, who had been looking into a mirror now turned, cleaning his glasses as he said, “Not sure if that’s such a good thing. Next thing we’ll know, he’ll be going around with Snivellus.�

“You can’t say that just because he’s working hard at one of his subjects,� Remus countered defensively, picking up the watch from his bed side table and beginning to wind it. “I know you don’t like the Dark Arts Prongs, but it doesn’t mean that everyone who excels at it is going to turn out bad.�

“Exactly,� Sirius said, still on his back, aimlessly caressing his stomach, “Just look at dear old Moony here. He got near perfect marks in Defence for his O.W.L and he’s as sweet as they come.� Remus shot Sirius a frustrated look. Sirius merely winked.

“Yeah, well,� James said, his eyes once again drawn to the mirror as he began to ruffle his black hair. “All I’m saying is that it’s not like Wormtail to be dedicated. I mean, what’s the world coming to? He’s down there, a slave to the books, whilst Moony is up here with us. Doesn’t seem…natural.�

Sirius laughed at his best friend’s solemn tone and, as he flipped over onto his front, he looked up at James from underneath his dark eyelashes and said, “Come on Prongs, this is Wormtail we’re talking about. You know Peter is completely incapable of having an original thought.� James grinned in agreement. Remus winced yet as he opened his mouth to speak, Sirius cut him off.

“And don’t you try to defend him…you know it’s true!� Remus said nothing as he placed the watch back down on his bedside table, allowing his head to fall back against the gold and crimson pillows as he gazed up into the canopy. Sometimes he thought that James and Sirius didn’t give Peter enough credit. Of course, they didn’t know him as well as Remus did; he was the one that he spent most of his time with. At least they seemed to share one thing in common; that neither of them, no matter how hard they tried, could compete with James and Sirius’ friendship. It had been established fairly early on in the history of the Marauders just how the group dynamic was going to work. After all, Sirius and James had been friends first, before they had even met Remus and Peter, and so it was an unspoken probability that they would always be closest.

Remus didn’t mind so much; he had been happy just to find people he could talk to, who would understand him and not judge him in the way most people did. He accepted that whatever other friendships existed, they would always pale into insignificance compared to the bond between them two. Peter had never really come to understand this; he continuously attempted to infiltrate; to make him self known. Yet Sirius and James never noticed or, when they did, all they could do was laugh. Sometimes they just seemed so oblivious to the feelings of others; careless of what they said and unaware that their insensitivity often inspired pain. It was never on purpose, of course, and yet it continued, and whereas Remus had come to accept this, Peter still was hurt so easily by the throwaway comments of his friends.

“You know,� Remus began, his eyes still fixed above, his voice reprimanding, “It wouldn’t hurt if you gave Wormtail a chance sometimes.�

Sirius sighed loudly and looked over to where Remus was lying, arms folded underneath his head, blinking patiently up at the ceiling. Remus could feel his eyes on him; he knew that Sirius would be scowling, possibly sitting up to watch Remus’ face as he said rather hotly, “We do! It’s not like we mean anything we say.�

“Course not!� James said earnestly, as if to diffuse his friend.
It didn’t work, however; Sirius had hardly heard James speak as he continued, “It’s not up to you to defend him, Moony; he can do that himself. The way you talk, you make it sound like we’re actually hurting him.�

Remus said nothing for a moment, leaving a pause that was heavily pregnant with Sirius’ frustration. Trust Sirius not to understand the feelings of others. Remus sat up, pressing his back against the headboard as he watched Sirius’ dark face and began carefully, “I’m not saying you do it on purpose…I’m just suggesting that sometimes you don’t think about what you’re doing to him. And he’ll never say anything to you two well…because…well…he idolises you both.�

“Bloody hell, Remus, will you cut it out!� Sirius spat venomously, causing James to pull his eyes away from his reflection and gaze at his friend, who was now sitting upright on his bed, shaking his head angrily.

“You’re always just suggesting this…or just saying that…� He paused, his eyes thunderous as he glared at Remus, who stared unflinchingly back. “If you’ve got something to say just come out and say it, will you? Don’t dress it up as something it’s not. We’re all big boys now, we can take it.�

Again, Remus did not reply; his amber eyes were silently imploring, his face soft and apologetic. James had frozen; his face dropped as he Sirius’ characteristically unpredictable temper coursing through him.

“Come on, Padfoot…Moony was just trying to say…�

“Exactly!� Sirius retorted sharply, suddenly jumping to his feet and grabbing his Quidditch shirt and pulling it on. Remus watched, knowing that whatever he said, it would only provoke his friend more, and that they were now all hostages to Sirius’ ferocious temper until he decided that it was time to cool down. Sirius flung open the window, sending a freezing cold breeze whipping into the room.

James yelped, grabbing his own Quidditch shirt and pulling it on swiftly with the words, “Could you at least warn me when you’re going to do that?�

Sirius said nothing in return and instead began to climb out of the window, sidling along the ledge cautiously before slamming the window shut behind him. Over the years, he had developed a habit of climbing onto the ledges of Gryffindor Tower to escape. Once, James had tried to climb out after him, but despite the fact that he was one of the best Quidditch players Hogwarts had ever seen, his agility had failed to stretch that far, and he had been narrowly saved from falling by Sirius pulling him back. James looked at Remus, who had watched Sirius go in silence; rigid with what had just past between them, his eyes were fixed on the spot Sirius had just vacated. Why does it always have to be like this, he thought to himself, completely oblivious to the presence of James at all. Why did their arguments always follow the same, predictable pattern, where Sirius would become impatient and leave Remus feeling morose and dejected?

It hadn’t always been like this, Remus reflected; his fingers idly busying themselves with pulling a loose thread from the bottom of his jumper. Not so long ago Sirius had almost enjoyed the stern looks Remus would display whenever he and James would jinx Peter; or say something - that they both thought was hilarious - at the expense of the least confident Marauder. Like a child that enjoys being punished for the attention it gains, Remus was certain that Sirius would do things just to push him; to see how far he could take it before Remus would step in. However, ever since they had returned for the start of a new term and a new year, Sirius had become increasingly snappish towards him; tones of angry frustration seemed to lace everything that passed between them. He would become more petulant than usual if Remus tried to urge him towards caution. Sometimes Remus thought he could see a smouldering anger in Sirius’ grey eyes when he looked at him, though he was uncertain whether the anger was there, or whether it was just a trick of the light.

Yet it had certainly been there now as he had slammed the window behind him; Remus had seen the disgust clearly written in his face as he turned. James had undoubtedly seen it too; his face was soft and his words gentle as he said, “Just ignore him, Moony. You know what he gets like.�

Remus was jolted out of his thoughts. He looked at James, who smiled so confidently in return. Whatever arrogance he seemed to exude most of the time, Remus knew the real James Potter was the James who had just spoken; a boy who cared, more than anything, about the feelings of his friends. Remus shrugged as if he didn’t care before sitting up slowly, the back of his hair slightly ruffled from where he had been leaning back against the headboard.

“Sometimes I wonder if…� Remus began slowly, uncertainly, but something about James’ wide-eyed expression caused him to stop and blush. James moved away from the mirror and sat beside Remus on his bed and, after glancing over to the window, he said, “The thing you have to remember about Sirius is…� Remus’ ears immediately pricked up; James hardly ever called Sirius by his real name. James had noticed this too, yet his voice was clear and sturdy as he continued, “The thing is, I don’t think he likes change.�

“But…� Remus began, confusion clearly written in his pale features. “But I don’t understand. Nothing has changed.�

“Don’t you see?� James said, his face suddenly appearing older, his voice acquiring a world-weary tone. “Everything is going to change.�

“Did…did you see that!� Peter squealed excitedly, suddenly clasping on to Remus’ arm and pointing up into the sky above the Quidditch Pitch. Remus looked up to see James standing precariously on his broom, one arm out to his side, the other stretched out in front, grasping the Snitch, which was fluttering pointlessly in his hand. A group of Gryffindor girls who had been watching clapped enthusiastically, shouting things like “That was fantastic, Potter!� and “They won’t know what’s hit them!� to the boy who circled triumphantly above them. James took a bow before lightly allowing himself to slip back into a seated position, flying over to where Sirius was waiting to release the Snitch again.

James had only been playing in the position of Seeker since the start of term but was already showing more skill and dexterity than his predecessor. A swift team re-shuffle had been in order, Alice King had announced at their first team practice of the season; casting reprimanding looks in Sirius’ and James’ direction. Not only had their rival teams grown to despise how antagonistic the partnership of James and Sirius was during matches, even the Gryffindor team itself grew increasingly impatient at their cocky camaraderie. So it was that a new season had stared, Anthony Althrop had been found to replace James in his former position, and James had been promoted to the position of Seeker, with the power to win or lose a match often resting on his shoulders.

Remus nodded to pacify Peter, who was standing, shaking, as he watched the Gryffindor team practice, his eyes fixed on the figures of Sirius and James, laughing carelessly at the opposite end of the pitch. Remus hadn’t even been watching them practice; his mind had been full of the events of that morning, and the things that James had said. The thing about Sirius is….he doesn’t like change.

Remus could hardly believe this to be true as he looked at the dazzlingly confident boy zooming along on his broomstick, his eyes firmly fixed on the Quaffle that was flying towards him. He had always assumed that he was so fearless. That he would embrace the future better then any of the other Marauders; he would be the one to seize it and claim it as his own.

For a moment Remus held his breath as the Quaffle appeared to just be out of his reach. Yet at the last minute Sirius reached high and caught it with great ease, and was met with applause and sighs from the Gryffindor girls. Relieved, Remus allowed himself to exhale.

“Peter?� he asked cautiously, turning his attention from the friends above the pitch to the friend sat beside him. Agitated, Peter dragged his eyes away and looked at Remus. “Do you ever…get frightened?�

Peter’s vermin-like features darkened with confusion; his brow furrowed and his nose seemed to become more pointed than usual as he replied, “What do you mean, frightened? You know….you do know who you’re talking to…right?�

Remus smiled warmly at Peter’s self-deprecating nature and, after adjusting the sleeves of his robes he continued, “I mean…do you ever get frightened of things changing? For all of us?�

For a moment Peter’s face dropped and his eyes became dark as he shifted guiltily in his seat. He snapped his attention away from Remus and gazed once more up at the friends in the sky, his face black as he drummed his fingers nervously on the side of the stand. Remus watched his friend, confused by the way this question had been received as he said gently, “I didn’t mean anything by it, Wormtail. It was just something that James said earlier…that’s all.�

“What’s he got to be frightened of?� Peter said, his face hot, his eyes flashing peculiarly as he gazed up at the boys above. Remus blinked steadily, his hands folded tightly in his lap.

“I don’t know. It’s weird, isn’t it, what rumour and suspicion can do…� Remus’ voice was reflective as another cheer from the Gryffindor girls that told him that a particularly impressive stunt had been pulled above. “I mean, you only have to look at a copy of The Daily Prophet recently to know that things are changing. And just…� Remus paused, his eyes scanning the faces of his fellow pupils, so absorbed with what they witnessing above, though he remained completely oblivious to the face of Peter beside him. “I can’t help feeling that something…something isn’t right. There’s something happening that I just can’t work out. I don’t know what…I don’t even know if it makes sense. But I can just feel that things are changing.�

Peter had frozen; he was no longer squirming uncomfortably, nor was he writhing with the excitement of his friends performing above. He was no longer drumming his fingers. Instead, his hand was gripping the side of the stand tightly; his knuckles had turned white. Remus turned to Peter and was shocked to see a cold expression on his otherwise childish face. Remus shuddered.

“Do you want to know what I think?� Peter asked, his voice so quiet that it could hardly be heard amidst the cheering. Tentatively, Remus leant forward, his eyes fixed on Peter’s immobile face. Yet suddenly the darkness that had shadowed Peter’s face seemed to be lifted; his eyes once more glittered with excitement and admiration as he said a little breathlessly, “I really think we’re going to beat Ravenclaw next week.�




The heavens had opened not long after the practice had ended and Remus was now standing alone with his back against the damp tarpaulin, the rain falling heavily all around. He raised his eyes to the fabric above his head with suspicion; its centre was dipping lower and lower as the water collected in a great pool in the middle. He had been waiting for Sirius and James for half an hour now and still they showed no signs of emerging. Peter had left, wide-eyed and slightly delirious, as soon as the practice had ended, mumbling something about The Daily Prophet and that things wouldn’t have to change. Once again Remus found himself waiting for his friends and, as he pulled out his wand to strengthen the fabric above him, he sighed despondently, kicking the damp turf under his feet.

“That’s quite a useful charm,� said a girl who had rushed from round the side of the Quidditch Pitch to underneath where Remus was finding shelter.

Remus shrugged and pocketed his wand with the words, “It helps to know these kinds of things when you’re waiting for friends who make a habit of leaving you in the rain.�

The girl laughed at this, but whether or not she found his words truly humorous Remus couldn’t tell. For a moment there was silence; his sanctuary had been invaded by someone he didn’t know and it made him feel uncomfortable as he silently prayed for the rain to stop. The girl seemed to notice and, after tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes and down her back, she said lightly, “Eleanor Figg.� She then held out her hand in a strangely formal gesture that made Remus suddenly feel more at ease. With a brief smile he took it and said, “I’m Re…�

“Remus Lupin, I know.� Her hand fell from his and she stuffed both of them into her pockets, sticking out her chest and whistling lowly.

“But how do you…�

“You’re friends with Potter and Black, aren’t you?� she interrupted once again.

A little disappointed, Remus nodded. Why was it that he only ever seemed to exist in conjunction with his friends? Eleanor didn’t seem to notice his expression as she continued, “I’ve never really understood that you know. You’re quite a quiet person and they’re…well they’re so…�

“Loud?� Remus offered. Eleanor’s lips curled into a pleasant smile and Remus could feel himself tingle with the threat of a blush. Quickly, he turned away, his eyes searching for any signs of his friends amongst the blurred landscape around them. The greens of the grass seemed almost indistinguishable from the greys of the sky and as Remus watched, his nostrils filled with the pleasant smell of wet, lush earth. However, he couldn’t help but fear that more pleasantries may come. Would they be forced to speak endlessly about Quidditch (a subject which Remus hardly knew)? Would they try to uncover some common friends or enemies, and laugh falsely at the idiosyncrasies of each? Would they talk of the lessons that they did and did not enjoy, or would she (perhaps worst of all) quiz him about the inner workings of James and Sirius?

Yet, as they stood in a silence which was only softly broken by the rain on the fabric above them, Remus found himself pleasantly surprised by the lack of conversation between them. Each seemed too absorbed in the views that surrounded them; each was silently waiting for the arrival of friends. Remus could hear her whistling lowly; that same, deep song she had been whistling earlier, and something about this made Remus relax. He could almost forget about Sirius slamming the window behind him; about James’ solemn words and Peter’s strange reaction to when Remus’ innocent question. Standing here beside this girl he hardly knew made him feel at peace, forgetful of the concern he felt at making Sirius lose his temper, and reflective on the possibility that the rain could stop.

“Looks like your friends are here.� Her voice broke the repetitive sound of the falling rain. Remus could see James and Sirius running over to where Eleanor and he were sheltering.

“Sorry…we kind of…got caught up in something…� James managed to pant, peering at Remus through rain-splattered glasses. Suddenly he seemed to notice Eleanor, who had been watching the two boys with a silent smile playing about her lips, and he gulped hard before saying, “You’re Eleanor Figg, aren’t you? The Ravenclaw Chaser?�

The blonde girl shrugged as if the name meant nothing and inwardly Remus was pleased that she seemed so flippant. Yet immediately she had turned her attention to Sirius, whose wet hair was rippling in front of his face, barely hiding his scowl of displeasure.

“I guess we’ll be up against each other on Thursday then,� she said sweetly. Sirius said nothing; his eyes seemed to be moving between Eleanor and Remus, trying to piece the scene together.

James grinned confidently and, clamping an arm around Sirius’ shoulder he shook him out of his staring for long enough to reply, “I don’t think there is really much competition.�

Inwardly, Remus winced at the sharpness of this reply but Eleanor seemed to find it amusing and after she had finished wringing the bottom of he jumper free of water, she turned her eyes to Sirius and said, “Perhaps not. After all, how could anyone compete with the…� She paused, placing one hand over her heart before saying, every inch of her voice mocking, “ The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.�

James laughed at this, but Sirius did not; his eyes had turned opaque with fury as he stared directly at Eleanor. Remus could feel the air around them grow tense as he waited for Sirius to lose his temper, to retort with something cutting and hurtful. He did not, however. Sirius simply smiled tightly and, after looking at Remus for a brief moment he said to James, “Shall we go in?�

James nodded and they moved away, Remus following a little way behind them, the rain falling heavily all around. Remus imagined Eleanor Figg watching them go, her blonde hair falling around her slightly red face, still humming that tune under her breath. Yet something interrupted this thought; something inside him forced him to relinquish this daydream as he stared at the back of Sirius’ head. His heart grew tight within his chest as he wiped the rain from out of his eyes. Something inside him was forcing him to feel awkward; a strange kind of guilt was rushing through his veins. Shaking his head as if to rid himself of this feeling, he found it only grew, and he once again heard James’ words in his head: The thing about Sirius is….he doesn’t like change.

The corridors of Hogwarts were full; when it was raining the halls were always packed with pupils of all shapes and sizes, sporting the colours of their houses and chattering excitedly. Remus watched James puff his chest out importantly as he passed a group of third-year Gryffindor boys; their eyes were immediately drawn to the familiar sight of the boy with black hair and glasses, and a gold and red Quidditch shirt that was splattered with mud.

“How did the practice go, Potter?� a wiry, blonde-haired boy named Rex Walters asked enthusiastically, bobbing up and down. James flung his arms wide and with a cocky smile he shrugged and said, “It’s was alright. I don’t think we’ll have any real problems on Thursday.�

“Yeah!� said another of the third-year Gryffindor boys viciously, “I bet old Ravenclaw won’t be much of a challenge. Just make sure you go easy on them though…to begin with…give them a sporting chance.� James winked and sighed as if this subject bored him. Remus knew otherwise, however; there was nothing James liked more than strutting proudly past in his Quidditch shirt, attracting the attention of enthusiastic third-years. Remus listened to the careful false modesty James applied as he spoke; his arrogance subdued only slightly to encourage the compliments of others. James had a knack of teasing things out of people; whether they were aware of it or not, he always managed to get them to say what he wanted to hear.

“What do you think, Sirius?� James suddenly said, interrupting the monotony of his own voice, and directing the young Gryffindors’ attention to the Chaser by his side. Yet Sirius said nothing to encourage their praise further; his eyes were fixed on someone who had just scurried out of one of the classrooms, a pile of books in his hands. As Sirius nodded in their direction, Remus’ heart sank to see Severus Snape struggling under the weight of his books, his black eyes barely visible over the top of the pile. Remus turned, hopeful that the third-years would offer more words of praise to distract James and Sirius from their prey. But the Gryffindors had wandered off and, as Remus turned back round, he saw to his horror that James and Sirius were already striding towards Snape.

“Please can we not do this today,� Remus began desperately attempting to catch up with them.

Sirius’ voice was hard, his eyes fixed on the back of Snape’s greasy head as he snapped back at Remus, “Come on, Moony, you won’t deny us a little fun, now will you?�

James grinned and before Remus could say another word James and Sirius had a hand on each of Snape’s shoulders, spinning him round so quickly that the books fell from his hands and scattered across the floor. Snape’s face was white with anger, his eyes flashing as he struggled helplessly under the pressure that Sirius and James were now applying.

“I’m warning you…� Snape’s voice was shaking as he hissed through his teeth. “I’m warning you, if you touch me I’ll…�

“Accio wand,� James said suddenly and Remus saw the way Snape’s face dropped as he watched his wand fly out from his robes and into James’ hand. “You’ll do what? Hex us?�

Snape hissed as James and Sirius laughed, pushing him further back until they had pressed him squarely against the wall. Remus followed, frantically attempting to come between them as he said frantically, “Look, just leave it now…it’s not right…�

“Oh yes, Remus - I forgot that it’s you that sets the standards by which we are all to judge what is wrong and what is right!� Sirius gushed venomously, his grey eyes burning at Remus momentarily before he once again turned his attentions to Snape.

“What do you think, Prongs?� Sirius said, his lips forming the cruel smirk that Remus so despised. Turning his eyes from the pair, he could imagine that Sirius had raised his wand and was now pressing it menacingly into Snape’s sallow cheek, his eyes slitted in amusement as he addressed James. “Do you think we need to perform a little Engorgement Charm?�

Remus’ head snapped back round and sure enough Sirius had his wand to Snape’s face, his eyes dancing merrily as he waited for James to give the order. James said nothing for a moment; his eyes were fixed on the greasy youth, who had turned a dangerous shade of white and was trembling slightly as he said, “It’s nice to see that you still have to ask your wife for permission.�

The laughter from James’ eyes dulled slightly and Sirius tried to ignore the blush that Remus could see spreading across his cheeks. He responded by digging the wand more painfully into his face, and Snape winced before saying sharply, “Forgive me…I forgot that you’re married to Lupin….�

As he said this Sirius pulled his arm back, his wand firmly fixed on the target of Snape’s nose. Remus saw the way Sirius’ grey eyes danced with fury as they locked with Snape’s, whose face had become almost immobile with rage.

“Sirius, no!� Remus shouted, but his words were lost as, with a concentrated anger Sirius, commanded, “Engorgio!�

Both James and Sirius stepped back, releasing their hold on Snape, who fell swiftly to the floor, his black hair falling in front of his face and his hands clasped to his nose which had, already, begun to grow. At once, Remus was on his knees beside him, his hands instinctively moving to pull Snape’s, but the other boy scurried backwards, his robes flurrying around him as he hissed, “Don’t you dare touch me! Don’t you dare!�

Remus pulled back, allowing Snape to get a fair distance away to stand up before he too rose to his feet, his eyes fixed on Sirius and James.

“Why? Every time…�

James was giggling insanely but Sirius’ face was completely devoid of humour as he answered, “Because he deserves it. It’s enough that he pollutes the hallways with his stench.�

“Well, you’d be the first one to know about pollution, wouldn’t you?� Snape said, his voice muffled by the hands that were obscuring his face. Sirius’ eyes turned to the Slytherin, who was sidling ever so slightly towards them. James had stopped laughing. “Yes, I bet your parents were so proud… their precious son being sorted into Gryffindor. Sometimes it makes me sick just to look at you. To think a family like yours could produce something as…� Snape paused, his voice caressing the words as he ended, “degenerate as you.�

Sirius started forward almost at once, his face contorting, his eyes narrowed at the boy who had just insulted him. At once Remus flung himself between them, his body forming a barrier, preventing Sirius from advancing. Sirius struggled against him, attempting to force his way past, but it was no use; Remus was deceptively strong and he dug his heels firmly in. Sirius’ face was hot with fury as he snapped at Snape over Remus’ shoulder, “How dare you talk to me about my parents!� Remus remained firm, his body rigid against Sirius’, who was floundering desperately in his attempts to get past.

“Piss off, Moony!� he snapped hotly, but Remus simply shook his head. James stepped forward and placed his hands on Sirius’ shoulders, firmly pulling him from Remus with the words, “It’s not worth it, Padfoot…�

Remus stood aside, giving James greater control over Sirius. Snape stood watching, his eyes black, his chest heaving, his nose still growing. Remus studied Snape carefully, noticing the way his eyes moved from himself to the sight of James restraining Sirius. Overcome with guilt, Remus stepped forward and, without giving James and Sirius enough time to protest, he took out his wand and mumbled the counter curse to Sirius’ engorgement charm. At once, Snape’s nose began to shrink. Sirius laughed mirthlessly as he stepped away from James, his hands raised. He was not going to do anything more.

“Scrapping in the corridors…� Snape hissed smoothly, his eyes fixed on Sirius’ red face. James allowed Sirius to step forward, as he, too, slowly approached. Remus stood poised, ready to spring in between them once more.

“I expected more of you, Remus.� Snape articulated his name carefully and it caused him to shudder; so much coldness seemed to lurk just behind it. “There were some who believed that your position as a Prefect would have a positive influence on the company you keep. Needless to say, I was unconvinced.�

“Leave Remus out of this,� James said slowly, his eyes fixed on the Slytherin boy whose eyes now snapped to James’. Snape said nothing in response and for a moment Remus watched the hatred boil between them; James’ shoulders were rising and falling rapidly as Snape’s face remained frozen. The tension grew unbearable Remus could hardly watch…yet he could not find it within himself to tear his eyes away. It was Snape who finally that blinked first and, turning to where Sirius was stood frozen, watching, he said smoothly, “My wand…if you don’t mind.�

Remus watched Sirius’ grey eyes turn thunderous, his face shrouded by with now dry dark hair. Sirius took the wand from James, who, like Remus, was watching Sirius intently, both of them surprised by how steady his hand was when he held out the wand to Snape - yet as Snape reached out to take it, Sirius allowed the wand to slip through his fingers and clatter to the slabs below. Remus gulped hard as he watched the smirk engulf Sirius’ features; watched the pale, calm fury spark within Snape’s black eyes as he stooped to pick the wand up.

As he straightened and slid his wand back into his robes, Snape paused, something dangerous crossing his face as he hissed at James, “You should really be more careful in choosing your targets from now on. Those who are powerless do not always remain so.�

“You don’t frighten me with your empty threats, Snivellus.�

Snape’s mouth twitched at the insult, but he didn’t respond. His eyes twinkled dangerously and, before he turned to leave he said, “And that will always be your first mistake.�

James was silent as he walked; no longer scanning the halls for prospective praise, no longer holding his head high. Now his eyes were vacant, completely unaware of his surroundings and as he strode swiftly up the stairs towards the portrait of the Fat Lady, Remus could hear that he was mumbling under his breath. They had hardly said a word since they had walked away; away from Snape and his now normal-sized (though still rather large) nose. As Remus turned his eyes cautiously to Sirius he saw that he too was engrossed in his own thoughts, completely unaware that they had just walked straight past Marianne Merrydew, who had tried to attract Sirius’ attention by whispering his name softly.

“I don’t like it,� James said, more coherently than his self-addressed mumblings had been, halting as the stairs changed their position. “I don’t like what Snivellus said…�

“Which part?� Sirius said coldly. Remus already knew what part of the speech had disturbed James the most. It had disturbed him too, to hear Snape so confidently inform them that the hunted would soon become the hunters…that everything was going to change. A shiver crossed Remus’ heart and as he ran his fingers idly through his sandy hair, replaying in his mind the words of James and the Slytherin boy: ‘You don’t frighten me with your empty threats, Snivellus’…’ And that will always be your first mistake.’ There had been something unusual about this confrontation, something which had made it feel so different to the others. Not a day went by without something of this kind occurring; James and Sirius would taunt Snape, push him and hex him until they grew tired, laughing as he would hiss words of warning to the Marauders. This was common enough. But something about the way his eyes had danced when he had stared at James - something about the coldness that laced his words - caused Remus to shudder. His response to Sirius dropping the wand had been too cool, too collected. There had been something about what Snape’s words which had just struck Remus as odd.

“I think you’re right,� Remus said slowly, his eyes focused on the stairs which continued to swing, uncertain of the ways in which they wanted to change. He felt his friend’s eyes on him as he continued, “There was something about Snape that just didn’t seem…normal…�

Sirius laughed; a cold, mirthless laugh completely devoid of any real humour as he said, “Normal? Since when has our darling Severus been known for being normal?� He had expected James to laugh but he did not, and Remus watched the look of concern grow on Sirius’ dark features as he watched his best friend gaze absently into the paintings, ignoring their conversation.

“Besides,� Sirius continued, his voice less sharp then before as he addressed James directly, “You know what he’s like. All mouth, no trousers if you ask me. Typical Slytherin…thinks the sun shines out of his arse!� His voice contained a shudder as he said this, yet still showed his typical arrogance. “Perhaps I could understand if he wasn’t a half-blood himself. Bloody hypocrite!�

James turned to Sirius, finally joining the conversation. Remus noticed the caution he applied; his voice was soft and hesitant as he asked, “Padfoot has anything been happening lately, you know, with your family?� Remus knew the reaction this would inspire and, true to form, Sirius’ face twisted into a familiar expression of disdain.

“What do you mean?�

James threw a look to Remus which he acted upon immediately, taking a step towards Sirius as he began calmly, “I think what Prongs is saying is that…well…with your family being who they are, they would know, wouldn’t they? They would be the first to know if something was…going wrong…�

“Don’t you think I would have told you?� Sirius snapped, setting off up the now settled staircase in attempt to escape the questions of his friends. Remus and James followed swiftly, however, catching up with him in time to hear him say, “Don’t you think I would have said if something had happened?�

No, no you wouldn’t have, Remus thought. Sirius stopped and turned as if he had heard what Remus had been thinking, his grey eyes boring down into his friend’s in an attempt to hear more of what Remus was saying inside. Remus did not flinch under the scrutiny; this intimacy made Sirius more uncomfortable than him. He could stand his friend’s eyes delving; he could embrace the vulnerability such a study inspired. It was times like these that Remus knew that he was stronger; he was stronger than Sirius could ever be and, sure enough, it was Sirius who looked away, exhausted, unable to continue the silent messages that seemed to pass between them.

“I’m just saying…� James breathed heavily as they began to walk again, swiftly climbing the stairs to the portrait of the Fat Lady “I’m just trying to make sense of what Snape said.�

“Well, don’t you think it’s pretty obvious? He was just trying to rile you up, that’s all. It’s the only weapon he has, isn’t it - words?� Inwardly, Remus disagreed; he had always thought that they had underestimated Snape; that both James and Sirius had just assumed that because Snape seemed such an obvious target, he was happy to play the victim too. Oh, no, Remus thought to himself, suppressing the views he longed to express for fear of angering Sirius further; Snape was not like Peter. Peter played the victim. In a perverse way, Remus knew he enjoyed it. He saw the momentary delight that would pass across his face when James and Sirius would finally acknowledge his existence with a taunt, or a hex, or a potion that were just dying to test. He waited for the attention that such moments brought; Remus saw him suppress a smile of joy every time that James and Sirius seemed to find humour in taunting him. Severus Snape was much more dangerous than that.

As they reached the landing in front of the Fat Lady, Remus could hear a familiar wheezing noise behind him and, on turning round, he saw that Peter had been following them, books clasped close to his chest, his face red with exertion. Neither Sirius nor James seemed to notice that Peter had arrived and as they muttered the password Remus couldn’t hear what else they were saying over Peter’s questions.

“Wha…what’s going on? What was that they were saying about Sn…?�

“The prodigal son returns!� Sirius said, suddenly halting in the portrait hole, turning to look at Peter. “Been swotting up again, Wormtail? Any more of this and I’ll have to get you to help me with my Transfiguration essays instead of Moony.�

“Well…I…� Peter mumbled before blushing, his nails digging into the leather bindings of the books he carried. Remus could feel his tongue loosening as Sirius sniggered cruelly, throwing a warning look to the Fat Lady to mind her own business. He could feel the urge to speak rising and almost without thinking he found himself saying, “You shouldn’t snap at Peter just because he asks a question! He wasn’t here, he didn’t know!�

“What do you care?� Sirius retorted sharply, his eyes glowing dangerously. “You’re obviously more interested in talking to that Figg girl than you are in remembering who your real friends are!� At once Remus froze, Sirius’ words hitting him, catching him off guard. He stood, confused, open-mouthed, unable to process what Sirius had just said. What was it that he had just been accused of? James’ eyes were moving between Remus and Sirius, who was still standing in the portrait hole, hair in front of his eyes, his cheeks flushed scarlet. He said nothing further, although his lips were moving to form an apology he couldn’t bring himself to say. Eventually he stopped and, after clicking his tongue hotly, moved through the hole and into the Gryffindor common room, gesturing for them to follow. Remus’ mind was whirring as he watched his friends climb in behind Sirius. Peter had obviously forgotten the insults of earlier and was desperately trying to quiz James about his game plan was for Thursday. Remus followed, Sirius’ comment still ringing in his ears as he stepped into the common room in time to see James and Peter disappearing up the dormitory stairs.

The portrait swung closed behind him and he moved to take his seat by the fire. Before he could reach it, he felt a hand grasp his wrist and prevent him from moving. Remus could feel the tough, familiar hand strengthen its hold on the soft skin of his wrist; he could hear the unfamiliar, unsteady breaths of Sirius as he turned to face the friend who had seized him. Sirius’ face grew dark and earnest, the sides of his mouth twitching slightly as Remus’ eyes sought the answers to the questions that he knew must be asked. Finally Sirius released his wrist and paused uncertainly before saying, “I don’t mean it you know. I just lose my temper and don’t think. I never mean it.�

Remus smiled, able to forgive Sirius instantly as he sensed the remorse in his words. He allowed the warmth of his smile to spread to his amber eyes, and he felt them grow loving as he reassuringly placed a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. He felt the jolt pass through Sirius’ body as he did so, could sense the way Sirius was restraining himself; his body swayed ever so slightly closer, yet was being pulled back by some invisible force that only Sirius could control. Something about this warmth seemed to burn him and, after a moment of indulging in the intimacy of Remus’ forgiveness, he pulled back, flashing a confident smile before disappearing up the stairs in search of Peter and James.

How long has he been sitting, head in hands, his limbs now frozen? The coldness of the house has seized him and he can barely move. It hurts to raise his head and stare at the wallpaper once more. He had meant to boil the kettle; he had meant to repair the cup that he had smashed. Yet as he looks he sees the shards of blue and white china still lying on the floor. With a grim sense of satisfaction he imagines what Kreacher’s reaction would have been if he had been here to witness this; a precious Black possession broken; its fragments disregarded. Remus can almost feel his lips giving way to a smile; a smile that he cannot allow himself to express as he presses his back into the chair before, very slowly, rising to his feet.

As he stands, the blood rushes to his head too quickly and for a moment Remus feels dizzy. He grasps the back of the chair to steady himself as he waits for the world to stop spinning. He waits for the black clouds to clear from his eyes. A thought occurs: does he need to sleep, he suddenly thinks. The yawns that rise in his lungs would suggest so. When was the last time he slept? Remus thinks, but cannot remember. He remembers lying on the bed fully clothed, staring up at the ceiling for hours, trying to make sense of the shadows and the peeling plaster – but he cannot remember his eyes closing; he doesn’t know the last time he allowed himself to slip off and away from the waking world. It has seemed wrong to even pretend to be at peace for long enough to sleep; every dream would be a lie. When it had first happened he had slept for weeks, allowing his mind to indulge in the subconscious desires of dreaming, seeking solace in the things he could will his mind to see in the night. It had comforted him to know that all he had to do was close his eyes and everything could be forgotten; the suspicion, the arguments, the final confrontation could mean nothing. The twelve years in Azkaban simply slipped by. There was no pain in these dreams. Sometimes he would see a glance, feel a smile, and his heart would trip over itself knowing that he could still conjure these images so clearly, even after the man who had bestowed them was gone. He liked these dreams the best; the ones where images would melt into one another, and leave him feeling soft and satisfied as he gave way to the gentle peace of the night.

Yet sometimes these nights were feverish; sometimes he could feel the full moon drawing close and soft dreams would turn to nightmares. He urged himself to wake, but his mind would not let him. Instead he would witness those grey eyes growing distant as his friend turned away, laughing mercilessly at Remus’ pain and guilt. It didn’t mean anything. He would hear him speak; hear his breath rasp over the words he had never spoken. How could it mean anything to me? These nights seemed endless, fitful, and as Remus struggled beneath the moth-eaten sheets he felt the monster within crawling under his flesh, and he would bite the pillow in his sleep to stifle the howls of pain. It was after this that the pleasant dreams had stopped, and he then had forsaken sleep entirely.

Remus’ eyes are clearer, becoming focused once more as he turns to leave the kitchen, switching off the humming lights that make everything faded and brown. He should be here, he thinks as he opens the door, his feet heavy as he drags himself along the hallway towards the staircase. He should be here to help make sense of it all. As he walks his eyes alight on the velvet curtain which is pulled across Sirius’ mother’s portrait and somewhere inside he hopes she’ll speak; that she will shout insults about Remus and about the son she has finally lost. He wants to be able to turn his uncertain hatred on her. Yet the portrait remains silent; she has been quiet since the day he died, and Remus wonders what Sirius would say if he knew that his mother had finally been silenced.

As he reaches the bottom of the staircase he pauses, allowing his hand to grasp the banister firmly. Why does he have to remember now? He blinks up into the blackness that waits for him above. What good does it do to dwell on things that until now have seemed so insignificant, have been lost within memories? He knows it is pointless; yet ever since he had left Harry on the hills outside Hogsmeade he has been consumed in the past - unable to remember clearly, yet unable to forget. And as he whispers, “Lumos� gently in the night he struggles to make sense of what he remembers. He begins to climb the stairs, shrouded in the pale blue light.

The days had passed smoothly since then; James seemed to be too focused on the upcoming match to dwell on Snape’s words of warning for long, and Sirius had lost the venom that had caused him to be so snappy and short tempered - once again, things had returned to a happy equilibrium of teasing remarks and quick, confident smiles.

Remus couldn’t help but feel relieved. The tension that had been gradually building since the start of term had grown unbearable. Sirius’ cutting remarks had seemed a little too swift, a little too scathing to be taken in the light-hearted way they were usually intended. Remus knew that he, too, had been quick in jumping to Peter’s defence; he was also partly to blame for the animosity between them. He had, perhaps, been a little too ready to defend and to scold. Remus knew that Sirius never meant it, that he would never consciously say anything that would truly hurt anyone. Yet recently Remus had felt that he needed, more than ever, to bite back on Peter’s behalf. Such arguments and hot words had become habit between them since the start of their sixth; words that were said in a temper and then swiftly forgotten with the most tender of looks.

Since that soft touch in the common room after their confrontation with Snape, Remus had noticed that Sirius had become more subdued. He indulged James more than he had before, when he would speak at length about his latest plan to attract Lily Evans’ attention. He even paid attention to Peter occasionally, when he was bouncing excitedly beside them as they walked through the corridors. Remus found he was able to relax, to not feel the need to be constantly prepared for an argument. He found that now things had returned to the way they used to be, he could quite happily sit for hours in their dormitory, half listening to James and Sirius playing Exploding Snap, half reading. He had even joined in when James began to mock Sirius for the attentions he was receiving from Marianne Merrydew. James had strutted round the room as if intoxicated, his voice high pitched as he imagined their private conversations to be. Peter had suppressed his giggles; Remus had laughed out loud, only to be met with a pillow in the face, flung across the room by Sirius.

Yet now, as Remus watched Sirius scrapping the last of his cereal from his bowl, he realised that despite the calmness that these days had brought…he missed it. He missed the fire in his stomach as he fought the urge to snap. He missed the way his mind would prepare him for all possible insults that Sirius could use, thinking of a witty retort for each one. He found himself wishing sometimes that Peter would just do something stupid, so inexplicably stupid that Sirius would just have to say something; and he could, once more, take the moral high ground.

Sirius let his spoon clatter in his bowl then leant back and stretched his arms above his head, yawning. Remus missed the way those eyes would lock with his. He missed the way that he could only feel irrational when Sirius provoked him. Remus looked down into his own bowl and gulped hard, a thought, which hadn’t ever occurred to him before, crossing his mind. Maybe it wasn’t the confrontation he missed. He wasn’t, by nature, an argumentative person. Remus looked up from his bowl to Sirius, whose eyes were fixed on the powdery blue sky of the Great Hall ceiling. Maybe what he missed so much was the moments of forgiveness…the moments that James and Peter never witnessed…the moments when Remus felt that he and Sirius were completely alone…

Sirius’ eyes had dropped and he had noticed that Remus had been staring. Remus fought the urge to blush, but it was hard not to when Sirius raised a suspicious eyebrow and flashed one of his characteristically seductive smiles. Remus took a gulp of his pumpkin juice and, digging his elbow into James, who was sitting beside him, nodded in Sirius’ direction before saying, “Any more of this and I’ll think he’s coming on to me.�

James, who had been on edge ever since he had woken and realised that the match with Ravenclaw was today, cracked a smile. Remus’ face remained passive for a moment as Sirius’ eyebrow fell, a confused scowl replacing the smile before he mumbled, “You wished, Moony.�

“Ha ha ha!� Every inch of James’ laughter was sarcastic, successfully hiding Remus’ look of complete embarrassment along with the words, “Honestly, Padfoot -sometimes I wonder if you really do believe that you’re god’s gift to women….�

“And men!� offered Peter who, up until this point, had been pretending to be engrossed in an article in the Daily Prophet whose headline read Tension Grows as Giant’s Cut Communications. Sirius flicked a soggy cornflake at Peter’s head before articulating slowly, raising a hand to his head and pretending swoon, “It’s not my fault none of you understand what it’s like to be impossibly handsome.� Peter looked confused but James laughed. Sirius winked at Remus who too gave way to the joke and began to chuckle despite himself.

Their laughter was interrupted when the post arrived; every student in the hall turned their eyes expectantly to the owls that were swooping above. Remus looked for a moment, not really expecting to see anything from home. He was surprised, however, to see a large, dark eagle owl heading towards their table. Peter yelped as it landed. Confused, Sirius picked up the letter which the owl had dropped and, without offering it the smallest of thankful gestures, allowed the owl to hoot disapprovingly and take off.

After turning the envelope over in his hands and seeing the familiar Black family crest that had been pressed in the wax to seal it, Sirius placed the letter back on the table and proceeded to ignore it. Remus looked at James.

“Maybe they just want to wish you luck for the match?� James offered as a tentative joke. Sirius did not smile, however, instead continuing to scowl down at the envelope until Remus said gently, “You should open it, though…it could be an emergency…�

All eyes were on Sirius as he licked his fingers clean and leant forward slightly; he slid his finger under the flap and broke the seal. Remus watched as he unfolded the parchment, but his eyes were not on the same spot as Peter and James’. He was not attempting to read what was written in the letter. His eyes were firmly fixed on Sirius’ face as he read; his grey eyes scanned the parchment swiftly, his face growing dark and unreadable.

He finished and after flicking his hair from his eyes, pushed the parchment back inside the envelope and stared into his pumpkin juice for a very long time. No-one spoke. Peter shifted nervously. James seemed to be trying to think of a way to persuade Sirius to divulge the letter’s contents. Remus, on the other hand, was still watching Sirius gaze down into his cup, watching the way his eyes had grown solemn as he looked up eventually to scan the Slytherin table.

“What did it say, Padfoot?� Peter asked, his voice small and nervous. Both James and Remus stared at him, shocked that he would be the first of them to ask. It was almost as if Sirius hadn’t heard, however, as he rose to his feet, grabbing the letter and stuffing it inside his robes; his eyes still on the Slytherins as he said, “I’ve got to go and…do something. Meet you before the match.� And with that he climbed over the bench and made his way across the Great Hall.

The rest of the Marauders watched him go; watched him make his way over to a shorter, darker, more contemptuous-looking boy with eyes the same as Sirius’, though they contained none of his humour or warmth. Remus saw the way Regulus raised his hand to stop the girl beside him from speaking. He watched as Sirius leant down, his face pale with displeasure as he hissed something into Regulus’ ear. Regulus had only been giving Sirius half of his attention until now, but something Sirius had said caused his eyes to fix on his elder brother’s face before he stood up and, after muttering something to the Slytherins surrounding him, followed Sirius out of the hall.

“What do you think, Moony?� James’ voice broke Remus’ attention. As he turned back to face James he saw that the concern he felt was mirrored in his friend’s face.

“I don’t know…� Remus said quietly, shaking his head slightly. “I just don’t know.�

The tension in the stands was palpable as Remus squeezed past Peter and took his seat beside him. Remus made no effort to hide the fact that he was not exactly what anyone would consider a fan of Quidditch, which frustrated James and Sirius no end. He had never felt he fully understood just what it was that made James, in particular, so passionate. He had only ever known James to speak fondly of two things: Quidditch and Lily Evans. No, Remus suddenly corrected himself, his thoughts interrupted by the way that Peter was twitching anxiously beside him; that wasn’t fair.

Remus’ eyes scanned the faces of the exited Gryffindors around; some were clutching enchanted banners, others were wearing badges. Some were simply shouting themselves hoarse. All were wearing the familiar colours of red and gold. Remus tightened the scarf about his neck; the first chills of winter could be felt keenly in the air as they slowly approached the end of October. Yet as he blinked up at the sky he couldn’t imagine more perfect conditions for Quidditch; the air, though cold, was devoid of wind; and the pale, autumn sun touched everything with its mellow rays. Remus closed his eyes, his head full of the cheers around him, and exhaled deeply. Even Remus Lupin, a boy who cared nothing for Quidditch, could not help but feel exhilarated at such moments.

“Could it be that Mister Lupin is actually getting excited over a Quidditch match?� A familiar girl’s voice broke the moment and Remus opened his eyes and smiled at the red-haired Gryffindor girl who was sat beside him. Lily smiled back, her green eyes dancing with the joke, a light wind whipping up her hair. The more time Remus spent with Lily, the more he grew to understand why James had been obsessing about her virtually since their first year at Hogwarts. Lily Evans was not your typical sixteen-year-old girl. Of course, she possessed that naive charm that Remus so appreciated in some of the girls in his year; but Lily seemed to be able to use this to make friends, and to see the best in people…even in people like him.

“Well…� Remus said quietly, his lips curling into a sardonic smile, “I have to keep the children happy somehow.� A ripple of laughter escaped her and, as she leant forward to look past him to Peter, Remus could once again appreciate the unique beauty that was all her own.

“Hello, Peter.�

Peter turned and blinked as if he hadn’t seen her, his eyes snapping away as hoots from the other side of the pitch signalled the players making their way into the air. Sure enough, when Remus looked over he saw the teams swoop out onto the pitch; the Ravenclaw team dressed in blue and bronze, clearly distinguishable from the Gryffindor team, who were now flying over to the stands. The Gryffindors cheered; Peter jumped to his feet and waved frantically to James who did not even acknowledge him. Instead James’ eyes were fixed on Lily and he winked. Lily turned away as if she didn’t care, and said something to Remus, but she wasn’t quick enough; Remus saw the blush that had suddenly sprung into her cheeks. Before he could tease her about it, his attention was caught by the commentator.

“Well, it looks like perfect Quidditch conditions today for the first match of the season: Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor.� Remus recognised the voice as that of Crispin Thompson, a third-year Hufflepuff boy who had famously cried in his first year when Peeves dropped books on his head. “Both teams have been training since the beginning of term and it looks like they are both in excellent form. We could be in for a close match this afternoon…I see that the Ravenclaws have found themselves a new Seeker. But will Nathaniel Starkey be enough to stop James Potter?�

“Not bloody likely!� Peter shouted. Lily laughed and rolled her eyes. The players had moved into their starting positions and Remus could clearly make out the figure of Sirius, his eyes firmly fixed on the Quaffle that was yet to be released by the referee. Directly opposite him, Remus saw Eleanor Figg, her blonde hair scraped up out of her face, her eyes, like Sirius’, were fixed on the Quaffle. Remus gulped as he watched her from this distance, the sunlight illuminating the look of concentration on her face. He was so transfixed that he nearly jumped out of his seat when the whistle blew, the stands erupted into cheers, and the players stopped hovering gently and suddenly sprung into action.

“And they’re off! Ravenclaw take possession of the Quaffle straight away. Gaunt passes to Figg; narrowly missing a Bludger…looks like the Gryffindor Beaters have been practicing their technique. Althrop attempts to intercept the Quaffle but is blocked by Gaunt. Are Ravenclaw going to take the first points of the match?� Remus craned his neck and saw Eleanor halt in front of the rings, and, with what seemed like great ease, throw the Quaffle through the tallest one. “Eleanor Figg scores! Ten points to Ravenclaw!� The Ravenclaws cheered. Peter buried his head in his hands and muttered something under his breath.

“Gryffindor take possession. Althrop has the Quaffle and appears to be looking for Black to make a pass…Oof…� Remus winced as he saw the Bludger hit Anthony Althrop, a Gryffindor Chaser, squarely in the chest. Althrop doubled over, his face red, the Quaffle slipping out of his hands.

“What a catch by Black!� Sirius had pre-empted the drop and had positioned himself underneath in order to catch the Quaffle. “Black is really moving down the pitch now. The Ravenclaw Beaters can’t seem to reach him. Doesn’t look as if he’s looking for a pass…looks like he’s going straight to goal.� Sure enough, Sirius had flown straight past Althrop and Frost, and was headed straight for the hoops – but he found his way blocked by Eleanor, who had stopped swooping alongside him to pull up in front.

“Black doesn’t seem put off by Figg’s obstruction. Is he really going to attempt a long goal?� Peter was on his feet expectantly. Sirius pulled up and paused for only a moment before throwing the Quaffle in the direction of the hoops. All the Gryffindors held their breath as they watched it fly through air, before erupting into cheers as the Quaffle went in.

“Wow! What a goal by Sirius Black! Ten points to Gryffindor!� James had flown to Sirius and was patting him on the back.

“Looks like there’s a little trouble between the Ravenclaw Beaters.� Remus looked up and saw a blonde boy and a fourth year boy with curly black hair shouting at each other down at the end of the pitch. “Arielle Rochelle seems to be trying to smooth things out, but at great expense to the Ravenclaw team. Gryffindor are back in possession.�

Above their heads, Remus could see the three Chasers of the Gryffindor team gliding along beside one another, Sirius in the centre of their formation with the Quaffle in his hand. “Althrop learns from his mistake and narrowly avoids the Bludger…Roberts and Gilbert seem to have sorted things out…Ouch!�
Remus watched as one of the Ravenclaw Chasers, a short, foxy-looking sixth-year named Christopher Clearwater, was struck on the arm by a Bludger, and slumped heavily over his broomstick, howling in pain. Sirius didn’t seem to notice, however, his eyes once again fixed on the hoops in front of him, and on the Ravenclaw Keeper who was bent low over his broom, watching the approaching Chasers.

Sirius threw the Quaffle, but Eleanor zoomed in and intercepted it, grabbing and swiftly holding it against her chest as she nodded to Clearwater, who narrowly avoided another Bludger as he retreated back up the pitch. Eleanor threw the Quaffle with all her might and, to the horror of the Gryffindors, Clearwater caught it, raced straight past the Gryffindor Keeper and scored. If Remus had been able to see Sirius’ face he would have seen how black and dangerous it had become as he pulled his broom up sharply, and began to tail Eleanor, his eyes fixed on the back of her blonde head.

Remus gasped as he saw the way Sirius flew alongside her, his broom skirting closely against hers, their shoulders only inches apart. Sirius seemed to flash a twisted smile which she returned, with a dig of the elbow for good measure. For a moment their eyes were locked, and Remus breathed a sigh of relief when he saw them turn their attentions to the Quaffle, which was now plummeting towards the ground.

“Potter has seen the Snitch!� The excitement in Crispin Thompson’s voice caused Remus to turn his attention from the pair of Chasers to the two Seekers whipping their way in and out of the stands. Starkey’s face was pale with determination as he tried desperately to close the gap between them; but Remus knew that James was too talented a flyer to be easily caught.

Most of the Gryffindors were on their feet; Peter seemed to have been holding his breath since the first whistle had been blown, and was almost purple as he concentrated on the pair chasing the Snitch. Even Lily had stood up, her green eyes fixed on James, whose arm was stretched out in front of him, clawing desperately at the air. Even Remus could feel the moment seize him, could feel the excitement coursing through his veins as he silently willed James just to stretch that little bit further.

Suddenly James snapped back his arm, his broom wobbling slightly as he struggled to correct himself. Lily gasped and Remus couldn’t help but smile at this betrayal of the concern she would never admit to. The Ravenclaws seemed to already know that the game was lost and, sure enough, James held the Golden Snitch triumphantly in the air, and the whole of the Gryffindor stand shrieked with delight as Crispin Thompson said, “James Potter has caught the Snitch! Gryffindor win!�

Peter yelled and clutched at Remus’ robes. Remus turned to Lily, expecting her to be smiling too - but she wasn’t. Instead, she had one hand clutched to her mouth as she pointed out once more onto the pitch. Remus gulped as she saw what she was pointing to; clearly seeing the form of Eleanor Figg, her nose bloody, slip off of her broomstick and fall heavily to the ground below.

The Ravenclaws yelled. Rochelle, the Ravenclaw Captain, descended at once, and ran over to the unconscious girl; the referee in hot pursuit. Even James had landed and, with one hand still grasping the fluttering Snitch, was watching the scene with concern. In fact, only one player remained in the air and as Remus raised his eyes to the sky he could clearly see the silhouette of Sirius against the azure sky, disappearing into the distance in a flash of scarlet and gold.

Remus buried his head in his hands, his fingers scraping back his sandy hair as he wearily rubbed the back of his stiff neck. He had lost track of how long he had been sitting here, his back pressed against the wall, his knees tucked under his chin. He could feel the beginnings of pins and needles prickling its way through his legs and when he let his head rest back against the wall, the coldness that seeped through the stones and into the warm flesh of his neck caused him to shiver.

Remus often came to the Astronomy Tower to think; he had very quickly memorised the timetable and he now knew exactly when the rooms would be free. In the first three years of his time at Hogwarts, when he was still afraid that the few friends he had made would abandon him as soon as they found out what he was, he had come to the Astronomy Tower to escape. He had sat in the very spot he was now sitting; watching the golden orbs float gently on the air, he would listen to the comforting noise of the clicking machines that studied the ever-changing skies.

Then, Remus had spent his time nervously racking his brain for the excuse he would use for the next full moon; an excuse that he hadn’t already used. Back then he hadn’t been sure whether or not he had convinced Peter, James and Sirius that his mother was sick, and that it was this that caused him to be absent so often. He saw the way that Sirius swallowed hard at breakfast on the morning before the full moon, when he would stammer that he would be off over the next few days. He had hated lying.

It seemed that he hadn’t quite lost the habit of coming to the Astronomy Tower, even long after the Marauders had found out about his lycanthropy. But now, as he sat, pulling his robes tighter about himself to prevent the cold from seizing him further, he found himself not feeling like the nervous fourteen-year-old he had once been. Instead, as he closed his eyes and once again saw the bloodied face of Eleanor Figg in his mind, he found himself trembling slightly - not with the cold, but with a slow, smouldering fury.

Remus’ eyes shot open as he heard the large doors of the Astronomy Tower creak open below him, and the ragged breaths of whomever it was that had entered. Remus shuffled back against the wall in attempt to obscure his feet from view but it was too late; a familiar voice from below called, “You can come out now. I know you’re up there.�

Remus gulped hard as he stood up, turning, leaning over the golden rail of the balconied section that ran round the entire circumference of the tower. Sirius was looking up at him. He had yet to change out of his Quidditch robes, which were smeared with blood and mud, and as he pushed his dark hair from out of his face he said calmly, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere…you disappeared...�

“I just don’t understand why,� Remus began to say, his voice trembling ever so slightly as he began to descend to where Sirius was standing. “I don’t understand why you did it.�

Sirius’ forehead wrinkled in confusion, his eyes narrow and seeking an explanation in Remus’ face.

“And you and James wonder why I’ve never liked Quidditch…� All at once, Sirius understood; his face became dark and rigid as he watched Remus slowly approach.

“I’m not sure I like what you’re accusing me of.�

“Come off it Padfoot. I saw…the whole school saw what happened out there. And now Eleanor is laid up in the hospital wing with a broken nose, and you’re here attempting to excuse what you did.�

Remus had felt the heat behind his words; he felt the way his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to remain composed. He was, by a long way, the most patient of the Marauders. Even when he was made a Prefect in his fifth year, Remus had continued to let them get away with most things. But today Sirius had crossed the line…this time forgiveness was not going to come easily. Sirius had folded his arms across his chest and was staring at Remus, who was now standing only a little way in front of him.

“I’m not attempting to excuse anything,� Sirius snapped, his voice as strained as Remus’, his eyes fixed on Remus’ face. “I simply wanted to come and find you to…�

“It’s not me you should be apologising to.� Remus began to pace frantically, shaking his head, attempting to rid himself of the face of Eleanor Figg. Yet he could clearly see in his mind the way her blonde hair had strewn across her face as she had fallen, almost lifeless, to the ground. Once more he could see Sirius fly off into the distance, no doubt in an attempt to escape punishment. Remus’ amber eyes were flashing as he struggled to remain calm. “You should be down there, right now-� he pointed to the doors Sirius had entered by, “-You should be down there apologising to her.�

“Why do you care so much whether a stupid little Ravenclaw like Figg should break her nose?� Sirius’ voice was vindictive; this insult had been designed to hurt. A slight smile had begun to creep into the corners of his mouth before he finished, “You don’t have a soft spot for her, do you, Moony?�

Remus could not find it in himself to blush; his face was all ready red with anger. But he could not hide the way his voice was unsteady and uncertain as he shook his head and said, “It’s beside the point. The reason I care so much, Padfoot, is because I could never have believed it…even of you…� The rest of Remus’ words dried on his lips as he saw the way Sirius’ face dropped; the way that the mirth that had been present in his eyes and in the corners of his mouth faded swiftly to be replaced with his characteristically malevolent look.

“Do you honestly believe I could do that?� Sirius’ voice was smooth, cool yet his face remained dark as he blinked steadily at Remus. For a moment Remus could have almost believed that he was mistaken; that he hadn’t seen Sirius fly away when Eleanor had fallen. It would have been so easy to forgive him, like he was used to doing. This argument could all be forgotten and they could return to they way it had been all this week, when he, Sirius, Peter and James had forgotten their previous tension, and reverted to the way they had been for years before.

“I…I…� Remus’ courage seemed to be failing; all conviction seemed to be leaving as he paced backwards and forwards. He wasn’t weak…he couldn’t allow this to happen again; after swallowing hard, he allowed his irritation to wash over him and looked at Sirius, snapping, “Why do you always have to make things so bloody difficult, Padfoot? Why can’t you just admit when you’re wrong? Why won’t you let go of your pride?�

“I have nothing to admit to!� Sirius’ voice had become venomous as his head snapped round, sending his dark hair falling in front of his face. Impatiently he pushed it backwards, muttering something to himself before turning his attention once more to Remus.

“So you deny it, then?� Remus stood, waiting, feeling the air in the Tower grow tense between them. It had been cold before Sirius’ arrival, yet now all around seemed to pulse with heat.

Eventually Sirius leant back against the wall, his eyes unreadable as he articulated slowly, “I have no reason to deny it. I mean, what would be the point? As you have already so helpfully pointed out, the whole school saw what happened.�

“And still you show no remorse?� Remus’ voice wavered with disbelief, his eyes fixed on the face of his friend. Sirius was unreadable as he slumped back against the wall, his eyes drawn to the orbs that were floating languorously in the air. “Do you still believe you have nothing to apologise for?�

“Too quick, Remus…far too quick…� Sirius had barely moved his lips, but Remus had heard the words as he had exhaled them. It was hopeless; Remus could see that now - there was nothing that could be done. He had learned a long time ago just how deep-rooted Sirius’ pride ran; a Black family trait he was yet to rid himself of, despite the loss of his pure-blood fervour. There was nothing Remus could do to make his friend apologise, or even acknowledge, what he had done that afternoon.

“Is this all there is between us now, Moony?� Sirius seemed to be addressing the orbs as he spoke. Remus, shocked by the stillness and softness of Sirius’ words, faltered, his anger forgotten as he said in confused, “What? I don’t understand…�

“It doesn’t matter,� Sirius snapped, his voice regaining its bitter edge as he straightened, thrusting his hands in his pockets with the words, “Well, you won’t have to put up with my little outbursts at all next week…mother has called us home…�

“The letter…� Remus’ voice was full of a shameful concern as he took a step to breach the distance between them. “The letter…this morning…but why?�

For a moment Sirius looked as if he was going to answer; his face softened considerably and he appeared to be swaying in Remus’ direction. Suddenly, as though he had just remembered what had been said between the two of them, he took a step backwards, his eyes gleaming resentfully. “Take an interest now, don’t we? Forgive me if I’m not exactly in the mood to tell you.�

“How can you stand there and act as if this is my fault? You know I can’t stand the way you are…the way you get sometimes. I would never have expected you to do what you did this afternoon. I can’t believe it.�

“And yet you do.� Sirius let out a bark of laughter and kicked open the doors behind him. He paused, the laughter draining from his face, his eyes becoming cold; everything about his expression evinced the distance between them.

“Never fear, Remus!� Sirius bowed low, his dark hair falling in front of his face as he lifted his eyes. He had been mocking him before, yet now his voice became hesitant, his lips barely parted as he said more quietly than before, “Say goodbye to Prongs and Wormtail for me.�

“Sirius!�

His voice was lost as Sirius slammed the door, leaving Remus once again alone in the Astronomy Tower, his mind swimming with hot and harsh words, his eyes frozen on the orbs that floated gently above.

“I swear it was all an accident…� James bumbled aimlessly, one hand seeking the bed behind him without looking, the other clasped to his face, as Madam Pomfrey tried desperately to help him take off his shoes before he got into the bed.

“What I’m trying to say is…well, I’m not sure what I’m trying to say, but there isn’t any need to punish her. Isn’t that right, Remus?�

James threw Remus a hopeful glance. He was prevented from replying, however, by Madam Pomfrey interrupting, “There is no need for you to defend her, James. She was seen performing the hex by at least five other people. She has already been given a week’s worth of detentions for it.�

James had had his face covered since they had entered the hospital wing. Only now did he seem to forget about the large purple boils he had been hiding, allowing both his hands to drop to the bed as he stammered, “B…but there isn’t any need for that…honestly! It was all just a…a misunderstanding. Remus was there. He’s a Prefect. He wouldn’t lie!�

“Now don’t you go getting poor Remus involved!� Madam Pomfrey’s voice was threatening as she uncorked a bottle of brown, sticky liquid and began to pour it into an extremely large spoon. Remus couldn’t help but smile as James turned up his nose at the sickly odour of the antidote, his glasses slightly askew as he shrunk away from the advancing nurse. Madam Pomfrey exhaled deeply, placing one hand on her hip as she continued, “Regardless of what you boys seem to think, he was not made a Prefect for you to take advantage of him.�

Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus warmly, and he returned her look with an affectionate grin. He had spent more time with her than anyone else in his year; she was the one who had been given the responsibility of leading him towards the Whomping Willow. Sometimes he remembered with an abstract sort of amusement the hesitation she had shown in the beginning; when he had been an awkward and incredibly shy first year, and she had approached the task Dumbledore had given her with a justified amount of trepidation. Yet as the years had passed, they had grown to trust each other more. The tenderness and understanding Madam Pomfrey had shown in the days after the full moon, when Remus would be weakened and injured from the violence of his transformations, had transcended what could be expected between the ordinary patient and nurse. Remus appreciated her quiet concern.

Of course, the rest of the Marauders were not exactly strangers to Madam Pomfrey either. Hardly a week went by without one of them required a visit to the hospital wing (often, but not always, alongside Snape). And, however much she would scold them and roll her eyes, Remus knew that she was fond of them really.

“You’re going to have to take this.� James winced, sliding away from the spoon, closing his eyes as if this alone would make the sticky liquid disappear. Madam Pomfrey sighed before a mischievous smile curled the corners of her mouth and she said, “Well, of course, if you want to walk around for the next week with those boils…�

James’ eyes shot open and with grim determination he took the spoon from Madam Pomfrey, closed his eyes once more, wrinkled his nose and swallowed down the liquid hard. Remus laughed as James spluttered, sticking out his tongue so the air would take the taste away.

“There we are!� Madam Pomfrey said triumphantly, re-corking the bottle. “In an hour or so those boils will be completely gone. And who knows...� She winked at Remus who has opened a copy of The Daily Prophet where he sat beside James. “Maybe you’ll have better luck next time.�

“I don’t know why you have to laugh at your girlfriend’s jokes, Moony,� James said sulkily, slipping down beneath the sheets. Remus stopped laughing and rolled his eyes. The boys often liked to tease that him and Madam Pomfrey were conducting some scandalous love affair.

“Don’t strop with me just because she hexed you again. She warned you…didn’t she warn you?�

“Bah!� James kicked the sheets off his legs as he asked, “Where’s Wormtail?�

Remus shrugged, allowing the paper to fold gently into his lap as he replied, “Last time I saw him he was scurrying off after you got yourself into this mess.�

“Typical Peter…anything to get out of trouble.� Remus sighed. Only yesterday had Sirius and Regulus disappeared from school; only yesterday Sirius and Remus had argued in the Astronomy Tower and Sirius had left words of farewell for James and Peter behind. There would be no contact from Sirius. All the Marauders knew better than to Owl him at home. It had long been established that letters from whatever friends Sirius had made in Gryffindor were not welcome at Grimmauld Place.

Remus watched the way James was blinking heavily; something in the medicine Madam Pomfrey had administered was making James sleepy and he yawned deeply as he waved a hand in Remus’ directions with the words, “Get as a drink of water will you, Moony?�

As Remus turned the faucet and watched the icy cold water splash down into the enamel basin, his mind was plagued with the heated words that had been uttered only days before. Once again he could see the mirth in Sirius’ eyes as he coolly and unashamedly stated that he had nothing to apologise for. Remus let the glass fill and turned off the tap. As he turned to walk back to where James was laying, the same words he had been replaying over and over swam into his mind, and he could once again hear the hurt behind the voice that had spoken them… Is this all that is between us now Moony? Once again he saw the dark haughtiness that had engulfed Sirius’ features as he had bowed and left Remus standing in the Astronomy Tower. They had argued before, but this time there was something in Sirius’ reactions that Remus could not place. There had been something about the way that Sirius had muttered under his breath, ‘Too quick, Remus…far too quick…’that gave Remus a nauseating feeling of guilt he could not shake.

A rattling snore shook Remus from his musings he looked down at the sleeping form of James; mouth wide open, glasses crooked on his nose, his feet twisted awkwardly round the white linen sheets. Remus couldn’t help but laugh as he felt a strong urge to add to the boils that were already starting to fade. His palms began to itch as he debated reaching inside his robe for his wand. No, he scolded himself, placing the glass of water on the table beside the bed; he couldn’t hex a sleeping friend (however much Sirius and James seemed to ignore this basic rule). After carefully removing James’ glasses and placing them beside the glass, Remus had moved to take the seat beside the bed once more, and he heard a familiar voice say, “One of Evans’ hexes I take it?�

For the first time since they had entered the hospital wing, Remus looked over to the bed opposite and to the smiling face of Eleanor Figg. Her blonde hair was pinned back messily, and idle strands fell down over her shoulders. She was wearing a bronze and blue Ravenclaw jumper that looked to be about three sizes too big; her bed was strewn with magazines and Chocolate Frog packets and crumbs from eaten Pumpkin Pasties. As Remus stood up and moved across to where Eleanor was sat, legs crossed as she flicked through the same copy of the Daily Prophet Remus had just been reading, his gut was suddenly seized and twisted so he halted; frozen in his tracks, aimlessly staring at Eleanor’s lowered head. As if she felt him staring Eleanor lifted her eyes and smiled, waving him over.

“I’m so sorry,� Remus said, sitting down tentatively at the end of the bed. Eleanor shrugged as if it was nothing before offering him a Chocolate Frog. Remus declined, his eyes scanning the enchanted “Get Well� cards on Eleanor’s bedside table. She was obviously a well-liked and popular girl.

“How did you know it was Lily that hexed him?� Remus couldn’t help but smile at his own question as Eleanor emitted a short burst of laughter.

“Please, I think half the school knows that Potter is absolutely obsessed with her. Besides, I’d recognise one of her hexes a mile off…so it doesn’t take a genius to work it out.�

Remus beamed in response as Eleanor rested back, exhaling deeply before she picked up a letter and waved it, sighing, “Don’t you just hate Halloween?�

“Well, I wouldn’t say I hated it, but…� Remus hesitated, wondering whether the anti-social comment he was about to make would go down well or not. He decided to risk it. “…But I guess there is something I don’t like about all the fuss that gets made…�

“Finally, someone who agrees with me!� Eleanor leant forward and pushed all the papers and empty packages from the bed as she crawled out from under the sheets and began to re-pin her hair. “My family seem to have always been into it. I mean, I get that it’s an important event in the Witching calendar but…you see all those?� Eleanor pointed to the twenty envelopes that had been stuffed inside the cover of her textbook. “Those are all invitations to distant relatives’ parties; Aunt Agatha’s something or other, or Great Uncle Phineas’ annual Halloween get-together. I tell you, it’s exhausting having such a big family!�

Remus nodded in agreement, fixated by the way Eleanor was swamped by the jumper that was now stretched over her knees. As if she had suddenly realised that Remus was studying her so intently, Eleanor’s eyes locked with Remus’ and for one tantalising moment, Eleanor blushed before looking away. This was something that Marianne Merrydew did when Sirius smiled at her. Things like this didn’t happen to Remus Lupin.

“Well, we’ll be forced to go to the Halloween Feast anyway, I suppose,� Eleanor recovered very quickly, the heat in her checks disappearing. Remus nodded. The Halloween Feast was only a week away. Sirius had to return by then; he would never miss it.

Almost at once Remus stopped; he stopped thinking of Sirius and pushed away the concern he was feeling. Sirius was responsible for this girl being here, now, in the hospital wing. Whatever the reasons he had been called home, he would soon know - but he couldn’t forgive Sirius…not just yet.

“Well I better be going…� Remus spoke suddenly, a little embarrassed, and rose to his feet. “I can’t stay here and baby-sit James all day…not with Peter out there, all alone.�

Eleanor let out another ripple of laughter, her brown eyes warm and her cheeks flushed; and Remus could feel the knot in his stomach tighten as he struggled to keep his own face pale.

“Yeah I’ll see you around,� Eleanor said, before her voice took up the soft tune that Remus had heard her humming before. As he turned his back he gulped hard in attempt to swallow whatever feelings were rising up in his throat. He turned to go, but Eleanor spoke agan.

“Remus?� The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he rubbed the flesh there as he turned around, irritated that the use of his name could inspire such a reaction. Despite this when Remus faced Eleanor once more, her face was impassive as she asked, “Do you collect the cards?�

Remus was confused for a moment until he saw the purple card that Eleanor was twisting in her hand he understood. She smiled and threw the card towards him. He caught it and read, Monsieur Marmaduke, 15th Century French Wizard who infamously transfigured his wife into a toad. He was quoted to have said, “I prefer her zat wayz.�

Remus laughed and said as he pocketed the card, “I have about a hundred of him.�

“Yeah, me too,� Eleanor replied.

“Do you think there will be éclairs?� Peter asked, his eyes glazing with longing as he and Remus strode down the corridors of Hogwarts. At every corner, the everyday learning of the school seemed to have already stopped (despite the fact that there was at least an hour before the final bell rang) as groups of students from all houses, and of all ages, chattered excitedly to one another about the prospect of Halloween.

“There are always éclairs,� Remus said, trying to hide the yawn that threatened behind a hand. Tomorrow was the day of the Halloween Feast, and the day after that was the full moon. What timing, Remus thought to himself as Peter bounced excitedly beside him. He wished that he could view his monthly transformations as an inconvenience, an irritation, or as James often liked to call it, his “furry little problem.� Ever since the rest of the Marauders had learned to become Animagi in their fifth year, transformations had changed from something to fear to something to almost look forward to. In the beginning, when he was younger and had still to become completely accustomed to the way his body changed, he had gone to the Shrieking Shack to endure the night alone. Now, he couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t been accompanied by the stag, the dog and the rat; he couldn’t remember a time since they had succeeded in becoming Animagi that they had left him to face the moon alone.

Yet sometimes the thought of such company did little in the days leading up to the full moon, when Remus could already feel the burning, the insatiable crawling of the beast lurking just underneath his skin. Remus could sense the silvery strength of the moon growing and he would become quiet and withdrawn, losing his appetite for both food and mischief. As Peter spoke of éclairs, Remus could feel his stomach swim and as they walked through the bustling hallways he felt a terrible aching in his arms and legs that told him that they were preparing to grow and distort.

They walked in silence for a few moments; at least, if Peter was speaking, Remus did not hear him. His eyes were fixed on the floor in front of him as he waited for the wooziness to subside. He inhaled deeply and felt the air soothe his lungs and clear his head; his eyes became focused and his stomach lost the nausea of a few moments before. He glanced down at Peter who seemed, indeed, to have been talking, his mouth moving rapidly as he listed the endless possibilities of what could be served at the feast tomorrow. Remus knew he should pay attention to what his friend was saying, especially as he had now missed a large portion of it, yet as his eyes drifted over the crowds in the corridor, he caught the sight of a familiar face and froze. Peter stopped talking, his eyes drawn to the face of Eleanor Figg, who was smiling as she waved to Remus. Remus swallowed hard and offered a feeble nod in response before turning quickly and walking with Peter in the opposite direction. He hadn’t been quick enough, though; he knew that. He knew that both Peter and Eleanor had seen the way he had flushed fuchsia before turning and walking away.

“You know…� Peter wheezed a little as he attempted to keep up with Remus. Peter was short and a little dumpy and Remus, being the tallest of all four of them, was capable of setting an impressive pace. “You know that Eleanor girl…she’s very pretty…�

“Really?�

He sent a quick glance at Peter, whose lips had curled upwards into a self-satisfied smile; his cheeks were rounded with amusement as he said a little nervously, and “I think you know she’s very pretty, Moony.�

Remus stopped walking and turned to Peter, who was smiling up at him. Had he really noticed how pretty she was? Remus thought back to the first time he had seen her, with wet hair and humming that dull tune. Had it even occurred to him then that he could be attracted to her? Well, that would explain it; the awkwardness, the goose-bumps, the twisted guts. Was that the reason he had reacted the way he had to what Sirius had done? No, he thought to himself, pushing away the thoughts of the way Eleanor had blushed in the hospital wing only days before; he would have been the same no matter who it had been.

“I suppose she is sort of pretty,� Remus offered eventually as they once again began to walk. “But honestly Wormtail, it doesn’t matter, does it? I mean, she wouldn’t look twice at me…�

“But…�

“No, it’s alright. You know I don’t care anyway. I’m not like Sirius and James.� Beside him, Peter nodded in agreement before suggesting, “But maybe…maybe that’s what girls really like?�

“Yes I guess all girls are dying to have a boyfriend who turns into a wolf once a month!� Though his words had been hot, yet Peter didn’t seem to be hurt by them. Remus inhaled deeply in attempt to steady himself once more. Inside him, the beast was already writhing; his temper was always affected this close to a full moon. He found it harder to be passive, to remain calm, and found himself snapping more easily than before. Remus looked down at Peter, who was nervously waiting for Remus to continue speaking. Remus smiled and this seemed to comfort Peter a little; his face became less serious as Remus said, “It doesn’t matter, Wormtail. I think I accepted long ago that me…having a girlfriend…well…it would never be a realistic option, would it?�

“Just seems a little unfair, though…if only there were more girls like Lily…� Peter stopped talking and blushed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and avoiding Remus’ eyes as they walked. It was so secret between Sirius and Remus that Peter had a bit of crush on Lily; she seemed to be the only girl to ever really pay any attention to him. In their second year Sirius had briefly been fascinated by her, but this was something as short lived as the rest of Sirius’ romantic liaisons. Remus had never seen Lily as anything more than a friend, although sometimes he found himself staring at her, transfixed by the way she looked when she laughed. She was kind and understanding. She even remained friends with Severus Snape, who seemed to simultaneously adore and despise her. Remus had long believed that Lily could be the real reason for the hatred between Snape and James.

“Unfortunately,� Remus said as they began to climb the stairs towards the Gryffindor common room, “I don’t think there is another girl in the world like Lily Evans.�

Peter looked up. His embarrassment had disappeared as he asked tentatively, “Do you think she’ll ever go out with him, Moony?�

“Of course she will,� Remus said as they came to a halt in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady. Peter simply nodded in response.

The Fat Lady beamed down at them and as Remus opened his mouth to say the password, she interrupted him with the words, “It’s nice to see everything back to normal, isn’t it? It’s not quite the same without you four making a menace of yourselves…clambering in and out at god-knows what hour…�

Remus looked down, confused, at Peter – the other boy shrugged.

“What do you mean?� Remus asked.

The Fat Lady, who had so obviously anticipated their ignorance pretended to be surprised as she pressed a podgy hand to her chest and said, “Oh my goodness…don’t you know yet? He’s back, isn’t he? That friend of yours…Sirius Black.�

Of course, he had expected Sirius to return before the feast, but he had thought that maybe he would have owled before he arrived. Remus froze for a moment, hesitating as his mind willed him to say the password. He and Sirius hadn’t exactly parted on friendly terms; would things still be the same now? Sirius’ temper was unpredictable; it could just as easily have been forgotten as it could have been the start of a serious grudge. After seeing Eleanor in the hospital wing a few days ago, seeing the way that she so obviously did not resent Sirius for what had happened at the match, had made Remus realise that he was ready to forgive.

“Ursa Minor,� Peter said eventually and the portrait swung open and allowed them to climb inside to the common room.

“Do you think he’ll be alright?� Peter asked, his voice tinged with concern as they climbed the stairs towards their dormitory. “I mean, whatever it was that called him and Regulus home…it couldn’t have been good, could it?�

“What do you mean, Wormtail?� Remus was a little short of breath from climbing; and somewhere in side he hoped that this was just the effect of the full moon.

“Well…with the things that have been happening…� Peter paused, throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder before stammering, “D…dark things. And with the Blacks, you know, being w…who they are and that…�

Both boys had stopped outside the dormitory door and as Remus felt his wooziness returning, and pressed his palms flat against the door to steady himself. As the colours of his surroundings began to mingle, as his heart tightened painfully within his chest, he heard Sirius’ voice clearly ringing in his ears: is this all there is between us now, Moony?

“No…no…� he found himself muttering, his voice seeming to bubble up his throat as he struggled to steady his breathing.

He felt Peter tug nervously at his robes and ask, “Moony…Moony, are you alright?�

Remus nodded. His head seemed full of a smoke that would not clear as he said with a great effort, “Full moon, Wormtail.�

Without saying another word Peter opened the door of their dormitory, revealing the sight of two figures sat very close together on the bed. Remus staggered into the room, his hands firmly planted either side of him as he watched Peter whisper something frantically to the boys with the lowered heads.

At once both boys looked up; James’ face was full of guilty concern while Sirius rose swiftly to his feet, pushing Peter out of the way in order to breach the distance between them. Remus raised his eyes to his friends face, seeing an angry, purple bruise which had caused one of his eyes to close. The other eye was fixed firmly on Remus’ face and Sirius’ voice was soft and swollen with something Remus couldn’t understand as he asked, “Moony? Moony, can you hear me?�

Finally, Remus’ legs gave way and he crashed to the floor, all limbs. He was so feint; the world was slowly slipping away from him as he felt the fatigue and blackness engulf him. He struggled to focus and saw Sirius rush kneel down on the floor and gather him swiftly to him. Was that Peter on his right? What was it that Sirius had said to James to bring him from the bed to the floor beside him, wrapping a blanket about his shoulders? Remus shivered and for the last time that day he looked up into Sirius’ bruised face, before the faces of his friends slipped away, to be replaced with a pinpricked darkness.

It was dark when Remus next opened his eyes. Not the terrifying, pinpricked darkness of before but an early evening darkness that was illuminated by the soft, orange glow of the setting sun that stretched its soft rays through the window, and by the lamps that stood on each bedside table. Remus stretched his arms above his head. His body felt stiff and achy as he yawned, sleep still clinging to his limbs. Someone had removed his robes and shoes after laying him on his bed; he found his tie had also been loosened and the top two buttons of his shirt had been undone. As he attempted to sit up he remembered the faces of his friends as he had fainted; the nervous face of Peter, the concern of James as he had wrapped a blanket about his shoulders and the soft, purpled face of Sirius which was, as always, impossible to read.

Taking the pillow from underneath his head and pushing it up against the headboard, Remus saw for the first time that he was not alone. Across the room sat Sirius, his concentration entirely taken up by the tower of cards he was trying to build on his bed, the Muggle way. His case was flung open beside him on the floor; clothes, books and papers spilling out as if Sirius had started to unpack and thought better of it. Remus watched as Sirius very carefully moved to add another layer to his tower. As he carefully balanced the cards on top of the completed layers, his patience finally left him, and the tower crumbled.

As he made to gather the cards towards him, Sirius looked up and saw that Remus was now awake, sitting up in bed and watching him. After piling the cards together Sirius pulled off his jumper and flung it on the pile next to the bed with the words, “So you finally decided to wake up, did you? Thank god! It’s impossible to do that thing without using magic!�

“Where are Peter and James?� Remus asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sirius pulled the Marauders Map from his beside table and after scanning it for a moment, he said, “Still at dinner…pigs. I hope they remember to bring me something back! I’m starving!�

“Y…you didn’t go to dinner?�

“Course not! Someone had to stay and baby-sit you.� Remus repressed the urge to roll his eyes. “And besides...� he began, rising from his bed and walking over to the window, “If I had gone there would have been far too many questions. It’s no-one else’s business.�

Remus continued to watch as Sirius turned his attention back into the room and carefully sat down on the end of Remus’ bed, avoiding squashing his feet. A dying beam of sunlight illuminated Sirius’ dark features as he swept his hair from his face. It was now that Remus noticed that the bruises that had been there earlier were gone.

“Did James…?� Remus waved his hand over his face and Sirius nodded.

After a moment of silence, Sirius turned to Remus and said solemnly, “I know you want to ask me Moony.�

“As you said, it’s no-ones business. And I thought…� Remus hesitated, unsure whether it would be wise to continue. “I guessed that maybe I would be the last person you’d want to tell.�

“If you’re talking about that argument then…� Sirius stopped, his eyes drawn to the canopy above Remus’ bed before he said, a little calmer than before, “I’ve been thinking about that…quite a lot actually and, well, I don’t want to carry on that way. “

Remus nodded slowly, feeling more awake now than he had ever been. Something about the way Sirius was talking told Remus that something significant had happened, something important had changed; so as Sirius twisted the sheet beneath him in his hand, turning his eyes tentatively towards Remus, he simply waited for what Sirius was about to say.

After taking a deep breath, the uncertainty from Sirius’ voice seemed to evaporate as he articulated hotly, “I’ve done it, haven’t I? I’ve left them…I’ve left them all. They’d like to think they kicked me out. No doubt that’s what they’re telling people. As if I’d give them that satisfaction! That would imply that I actually wanted to stay!�

“What? Wait, Sirius, slow down. What are you saying?�

At once Sirius was on his feet; his face twisted as a bitter look of triumph crept across his features. His eyes smouldered with a dark satisfaction as he spread his arms and, after laughing manically, he said, “I’ve left them…my family…The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black! I’ve been disinherited…disowned…cut off without a penny! Isn’t it a joke, Moony? Isn’t it the funniest thing you’ve heard all year?�

Sirius seemed almost hysterical as he spoke, one hand clutching at the bed post as he laughed uncontrollably down at Remus.

“What happened?� Remus’ voice was stern and calm. Sirius managed to compose himself, to suppress the laughter that had seized him for long enough to answer coherently.

“That letter? Calling me and darling Regulus home? It seems that my family have been aware for some time now of…changes. Things have been happening Moony…sides are being chosen. Mother wanted a little family gathering to make sure that everyone was on the same page…� Sirius paused and sat down again at the end of Remus’ bed, all the humour he had found in the situation suddenly seeming to escape him as he continued more slowly, “If I had known…If I had had the first idea what was happening I wouldn’t have waited so long…� He trailed off and, after shifting uncomfortably, he continued, “There’s some pure-blood fanatic…calls himself the Dark Lord…seems to be gathering a great deal of influence and power. Apparently he’s become quite cosy with my family already, this Lord Voldemort. Bellatrix seems to know all about him…as does that bloody husband of hers. Death Eaters…what kind of name is that for anyone?�

“Padfoot, you’re losing me here…� Remus’ voice was soft, so as to not provoke Sirius’ temper, which seemed to be bubbling just below the surface. “You saw your cousin when you went home?�

“Oh yes, I saw her.� Sirius’ voice was dark and sinister; his eyes gleamed with a hatred that Remus hated to see. “They were all there…Narcissa…Lucius Malfoy. You remember Lucius Malfoy, don’t you? Made a pet out of Snivellus on our first year?� Remus nodded. Lucius Malfoy had been much older; they had only been at Hogwarts for a few years before he had left. In the short time they had been at Hogwarts at the same time, Snape had seemed to follow Malfoy around to protect himself - in much the same way that Peter had followed the other Marauders around in the beginning.

“And then Bellatrix starts preaching to us all. Telling us that we all need to be clear on our positions as it will soon matter more than ever. Tells us that the Dark Lord will handsomely reward those who are true and pure. I tell you now; this doesn’t seem like the normal, pure-blood fascism…this is something else.�

“The bruises? How did you get them?� To Remus’ surprise, Sirius smiled, leaning back against one of the posts with one of his legs swinging off the bed.

“It seems that a Black isn’t supposed to take the stance I do - pure-blood, half-blood, Muggle-born…what’s the difference? Oh I know I haven’t always thought like this. First year I was a brat…a purist brat. But I’ve changed; I’ve made friends with people whose heritage is different to mine. I’ve lost the fervour…being sorted in Gryffindor did that. I think my parents knew that…all of my sodding family do. They knew what I’d say and do before they even called me home.�

Sirius stopped talking all of a sudden; the smirk that had curled the corners of his mouth seemed to vanish. Remus looked at the boy sitting at the end of his bed, one knee tucked neatly under his chin, the other leg dangling over the side. His hair had grown long, in waves, and now framed his face, which was still lit by the dying orange light. Remus watched as Sirius closed his eyes and allowed his head to loll back against the bedpost, a gesture he commonly used when he grew tired of listening to himself speak.

Finally, after he had been sat like this for a few moments more, he began, “Regulus, however, doesn’t share my views. He, like every other member of my stinking family, seems to view our powers as a right, rather than a privilege. When I told Bellatrix exactly what I thought of this ‘Lord Voldemort’ my little brother shot out of his seat…I guess he thought he could silence me with his fists.�

Remus let out a gasp which caused Sirius’ grey eyes to flutter open. Regulus was a cruel and charismatic boy, it was true, but Remus had always thought that he must be a little like his elder brother at heart.

“I remember my father pulling us apart…don’t worry, I gave that darling brother of mine bruises to rival the ones he gave me! That’s when I told them Remus…� Remus’ skin prickled as Sirius said his name; every time he was called Remus rather than Moony, it always seemed to have this effect. Sirius’ eyes were fixed on Remus’ face, which seemed almost translucent in the half light of dusk. “I told them all that whatever this Dark Lord…this Voldemort was up to…that I wanted no part of it. Whatever it was that he….that they had in mind, I would not rest until I had done everything I could to stop them.�

“What then?� Remus had long ago sidled across the bed towards Sirius, allowing the blanket to slip to the floor.

“Well, you can just imagine how Mother took that…starts shrieking like a banshee…calls me a blood traitor…ha! Like I haven’t been called that before! Orders me to leave…tells me I am no longer her son…that I’m no longer welcome at Grimmauld Place…�

“Oh, Sirius…I’m so-�

“And then…I think I shall always remember this…� Sirius’ voice was distant; his eyes were fixed on Remus’ face, yet they were looking somehow beyond him. That smirk seemed to return and trace his face with amusement as he continued quietly, “I’m going to leave the drawing room and Bellatrix grabs my wrist…she stops me from leaving and looks me square in the eye and says, 'So you have decided?' I yank my arm free and tell her I have and leave.�

Both boys were silent; Remus was now sitting cross legged in front of Sirius who swept his hair from his face once more, before giving a sharp bark of laughter.

“So that’s it now, Moony. I come back here, tell James about it all and just as he tells me I can live with him, you and Peter come in, and you pass out.�

Remus didn’t feel at all embarrassed about this; him fainting before the full moon was a regular occurrence. Yet all feelings of nausea seemed to have left him; the aching in his limbs was forgotten; his head had cleared of the smoke. All he felt now was concern; concern for the friend who, despite his laughter, was now almost completely alone. Remus knew what it was to feel hopelessness; to feel isolation beyond all condolence; and he knew Sirius better than to not plainly hear the hurt behind every manic laugh.

“Can you believe it? Me living with the Potters? I mean, I’ve always seen James as a brother, but living with him…I might kill him!�

Remus laughed for the first time since Sirius had returned, and this laughter seemed to almost be painful for Sirius to hear. At once his brow furrowed, then his grey eyes became wide as in one, swift movement, he breached the distance between them and pulled Remus firmly into his arms.

Remus went rigid; unused to the physical contact, uncertain how he should respond. He expected Sirius to flinch backwards, to pull away as soon as composure hit him, and he realised what he was doing. He did not, however; Sirius’ arms remained tightly around Remus, pressing their bodies uncomfortably close, as his chest fell heavily with each shuddering breath. Without thinking, Remus allowed his arms to snake underneath Sirius’ and to encircle his back. Sirius exhaled deeply, as if he had only just truly begun to breathe, as he buried his face into Remus’ shoulder, his hair tickling the bare flesh of his neck. An undetectable shiver spread its way across Remus’ skin as he inhaled the strange scents of his friend; the washing powder that was used to wash on all the Hogwarts uniforms; a faint, musty smell that Remus assumed was traces of Grimmauld Place; the scent of mud from the Quidditch Pitch; traces of the autumn sun that was swiftly disappearing and leaving the room in an orange-tinged darkness.

Sirius was breathing hard, every breath seeming to take a great deal of effort as Remus simply held him close, allowing him to breathe. Finally, Remus could feel Sirius start to move away, could feel the moment slipping, and he swiftly removed his arms from around Sirius, shuffling backwards a little as he did so. Grey eyes searched Remus’ amber ones, Sirius’ face darker than ever now that the sun had set and night had arrived.

Sirius smiled as Remus shuffled backwards, and his voice was soft as he whispered, “Let’s not argue anymore Moony. I can’t stand it when we don’t talk.� Remus could only nod in reply as Sirius jumped from Remus’ bed back to his own. Remus felt frozen with warmth until he was startled out of his trance by James and Peter entering, their arms piled high with food.

All around them candles spluttered softly inside pumpkins which had been magically carved into various hideous faces, the light sending strange shadows across the Great Hall. Brave bats took their chances and weaved in out of the eating students. Peter had predictably filled his golden plate with éclairs and was in the process of scooping out some of the cream with his short, podgy finger when Sirius, after winking at James, pulled out his wand and, muttering a few, well chosen words, caused the éclair to suddenly shrink and sucker itself round Peter’s finger. Peter yelped and began shaking his hand frantically in order to get rid of it. James and Sirius were laughing uncontrollably, beating their fists on the table, sending the plates and cups wobbling. Remus, who had been taking a swig of pumpkin juice as it happened, had narrowly avoided spitting the juice across the table as he laughed, and had instead swallowed it hard, and was now coughing back his laughter. Eventually, Peter managed to rid himself of the éclair, which returned to its usual state and lay, non-threateningly, on the plate beside the others.

“So,� began James suddenly, his voice devoid of laughter as he leant back on the bench, “what’s the plans for tomorrow?�

All the Marauders looked at Remus, whose eyes were dark, ringed with black circles. His face was drawn and pale. Tomorrow was the full moon and Remus felt cold and agitated. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Sirius’ return - but that was hardly unusual; he always grew restless so close to his transformations. Yet it had somehow been worse, so much worse, since Sirius had told him about what had happened when he had gone home to Grimmauld Place. His mind had been plagued with concern. Sirius was always so flippant and angry. He appeared to not care about being disowned…but Remus knew that this was not so. Even being a part of a family like the Blacks was better than having no family at all.

But this was not the only thing troubling Remus. What Sirius had told him about a Dark Lord…about Voldemort…something in what Sirius had said had struck Remus as vaguely familiar, and he had been desperately trying racking his brain to try and remember where he had heard something similar before. Sirius had been right; there was something different in the way his family had reacted that made Remus know that this was different than the normal pure-blood elitism. Something about the way Sirius had spoken about what Bellatrix had said made Remus realise that whatever was happening was more organised, and on a larger scale, than anything that had happened before. There had been whispers for months of something changing…there had been hints in the Daily Prophet, if you read between the lines, of something very serious going on. And Remus could not rid himself of the feeling that the name Voldemort was not unknown to him; that he had heard someone, somewhere, say it before.

Suddenly, both his thoughts and the conversation were interrupted by the appearance of Lily Evans who had made her way over from the group of Gryffindor girls she had been sitting with, and was now in the process of sitting down beside Remus. James started and knocked his pumpkin juice over, sending it creeping across the table in an oozing orange puddle. Lily didn’t even look up at him as she had taken out her wand, performing a charm that immediately sucked up the liquid, before she turned to Remus and said, “Eleanor told me that you went to see her in the hospital wing…�

The tips of Remus’ ears began to burn as he turned his gaze away from Lily’s unbearably inquisitive eyes and down to the place where the orange puddle had been. He knew that Peter, who was sitting beside him, would be silently trying to fit the pieces of the events of the past few days together in his mind. Luckily for Remus, Peter wasn’t too quick; James, who was undoubtedly a lot more observant, was too consumed at staring at the way the flickering candles cast Lily in a flittering radiance, to care. There was one Marauder, however, who had been quietly absorbing the words Lily had spoken, and Remus finally raised his gaze from the table to face him. Sirius’ face was dark and he remained silent, biting his bottom lip as he waited patiently for Remus to respond.

“Well, I wasn’t really…what I mean is…� Lily had cocked her head to one side, sending her red hair rippling over one shoulder as she smiled serenely, awaiting Remus’ so obviously awkward response. Remus could feel himself blushing. Thank god for the uncertainty of candlelight, he thought to himself, idly pushing a sausage from one side of his plate to another. Sirius had leant back on the bench and folded his arms across his chest. Remus could feel his feet knocking against his own under the table. “I didn’t go out of my way to visit her…I was there with James…�

“Well, if he will insist on being an arrogant pea-brain…�

She directed this at James, who snapped out of his stupor at the insult. He pressed his palms flat out on the table in front of him and, after hesitating, struggling to find a suitable retort, he eventually settled on, “Oh, come on Evans, it’s Halloween…can’t we give all this a rest for one night out of the year?�

Lily scoffed and her words were laced with an unspoken threat as she articulated slowly, leaning across the table, “Not on your life, Potter. Do you think I’m stupid enough to let my guard down, even if it is only for one night?�

To Remus’ surprise, James seemed not to be lost for words, as he usually was when Lily’s comments turned venomous. Instead, he pushed his glasses up his nose and flashed a disarming smile before shrugging flippantly. “Scared you might have to eventually admit that you fancy the pants off me?�

Lily allowed herself to relax backwards and, after smiling sarcastically at James, she flicked her head around to once again face Remus- but she hadn’t been quick enough. Then again, perhaps Remus had been the only one who had seen the way she had blushed.

“I still need to talk to you…� she said, her green eyes fixed determinedly on Remus’ tired face, unable to allow herself to glance at the now smirking face of James.

“Surely whatever you’ve got to say to him, can be said in front of all of us.� Sirius had spoken for the first time since Lily had come over to join them. His voice was uncharacteristically devoid of any temper as he said this, but Remus could feel his foot was twitching under the table. He had seen the way his grey eyes had become thunderous when Lily had mentioned Eleanor’s name; yet he had also noticed the way he had stopped himself from saying anything, something which made Remus’ heart swell with a certain amount of respect. It took a lot for Sirius Black to swallow his pride and hold his tongue and, even if he had done it for all the wrong reasons, even if he had simply not wanted to admit that he was wrong…even if it was simply because he did not want to relive his conduct on the Quidditch pitch that afternoon, Remus felt slightly better that Sirius had been genuine when he had said that he no longer wanted to argue.

Something dangerous flashed across Sirius’ eyes; an unspoken threat, maybe, that Lily seemed to completely understand. She flashed Sirius the same sarcastic smile she had directed at James before whispering softly under her breath to Remus, “We’ll talk about it later,� then climbing over the bench, and heading out of the Great Hall.

Not once did she look back at the Marauders, although each of them watched her go; her red hair bobbed as she strode towards the door, towards a shadowy figure who was waiting for her in the doorway. Sirius looked away first, and Remus, who felt his friend’s eyes leave Lily’s form, half expected Sirius to glance at him before looking down at his plate. He did not. Instead, he began to tear up a bread roll and butter it vigorously, as James’ eyes finally left the doorway of the Great Hall and he snapped at Remus, “I don’t know why she should be so bloody interested in talking to you, Moony…� He turned his temper on Sirius; his glasses were slightly askew as he frantically ran his hands through his hair, spitting, “And if it weren’t for you, Padfoot, she wouldn’t have gone off…I swear that was Snivellus she met by the door…�

“Keep your shirt on, Potter,� Sirius said before ripping off a chunk of bread and stuffing it in his mouth. “And besides, don’t blame us if Lily still isn’t interested. It’s not our fault if you lack charm and charisma.�

James jumped up so quickly that he nearly knocked over another cup. Peter shifted nervously and Remus saw the way James looked - as though he were going to say something to Sirius but then, as if he thought better of it, he turned to Peter and said, “I’ve had enough of this, Wormtail. Come on, let’s go.�

Peter looked as though he hardly believe it as he smiled apologetically to Sirius before scurrying off after James. Never did James ask for his company over Sirius’, and as they left together, something about the way Peter had smiled seemed almost a little cruel. For a moment, the two remaining Marauders said nothing; Sirius’ hair had fallen in front of his eyes, obscuring his features from view. Finally, after draining his cup, he fixed Remus with a look, barely moving his lips as he said darkly, “So you went to see her then? In the hospital wing?�

Remus felt his chest tighten as Sirius spoke; his veins became frozen with guilt as he studied his friend in the flickering candlelight. There was no correct answer, as far as Sirius was concerned, and after hesitating, Remus gulped hard and said, “She was there when I took James in.�

This seemed to be enough. Sirius nodded so his hair once again fell over his eyes. Remus could feel his foot twitch against his own under the table, as the two friends continued to sit and eat in silence.

Remus could not bring himself to lift his eyes to the night sky as Madam Pomfrey led him towards the Whomping Willow the following night. Always it was like this, as he felt her guide him through the grounds, her arm ringed around his waist, supporting him, holding him steady. By now his stomach would be churning, and his joints would be aching, and yet through this heated confusion in the hours before his transformation, Remus somehow managed to remember to keep his eyes on the ground beneath him. The night sky would be his enemy tonight, as it had been since the night he had been bitten, all those years ago. Unlike others, he could not see the beauty in the pin-pricked silvery darkness. He could not feel a sense of wonderment as he stared up at the velvety blue expanse above him, grey clouds slowly chasing themselves around the dark sky. As always, the thought of the night terrified him and as the wind whipped up the bottom of his robes, he shivered and stumbled, only to be caught by Madam Pomfrey.

“Nearly there,� she said, so softly that the words were almost lost on the freezing air. Remus managed to smile as he saw the roots breaking through the ground beneath, telling him that their destination was near.

“I’ll bet you’ll b…be pleased when you get back to the castle. It’s fr…freeing out…�

Madam Pomfrey allowed her arm to slip from his waist, but before she retracted it completely, she gave Remus’ side a reassuring squeeze as she said, “We must make sure you’re okay first.�

Remus managed a nod in response, unable to bring himself to make conversation any longer; the pull of the moon on the beast within him was becoming too strong for words. His teeth were chattering loudly now; whether this was the effect of the cold, he could not know for sure. His jaw seemed to be trembling wildly as he struggled to hold himself steady. Once again, he felt Madam Pomfrey’s patient arm about him and, after a moment or two of edging forwards, Remus halted, panting hard. The frozen air was in his lungs and, stopping again, his chest seemed to be aching with the desire that was rising within him...

“Wi…will you go now, please?� Madam Pomfrey stopped as Remus moved away from her guiding arm and attempted to stand upright unaided. Remus saw the apprehension clearly written in her face; her years of taking him to the Whomping Willow had done nothing to erase the fear that she would always eventually succumb to during their journey through the grounds.

“Are you sure, Remus?� Her voice was tinged with concern as she continued to watch him carefully, unable to ignore his pain any longer. Somehow he managed to smile and, with a great deal of effort, Remus raised a hand and placed it on Madam Pomfrey’s shoulder with the words, “I want to be alone now.�

Remus stood for a while and watched her go; her figure seemed to grow pale and ghostly as she walked over the crest of the hill and back towards the castle. Even now, when his mind was devoid of all thoughts but those of his transformation; even now, as he could feel his body getting ready to change, he found the silhouette of the castle comforting. The dimly flickering lights of Gryffindor Tower reassured him that however different and lonely he felt, however much of a monster he became on these nights, he would always be, at least as far as some were concerned, Remus Lupin; a rather quiet yet studious sixth-year who was in no way different to any other student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Of course, he was different, and it would not matter if he stood standing staring at the dark yet brilliant castle for the rest of his life…nothing could change what he was. Or rather, what it was he became. It had been a shock to them all, he and both his mother and father, when he had received a letter from Albus Dumbledore, assuring them all that despite Remus’ condition, he had been accepted to study at Hogwarts. Remus had hardly believed when he had waved goodbye to his parents as the Hogwarts Express pulled out of platform nine and three quarters for the first time. He had always been prepared for the worst. He had always expected to not be allowed to receive any kind of formal education; he was too dangerous, too degenerate. Yet Dumbledore had put in place measures to ensure that not only would the pupils be safe, but also that Remus himself would not come to any harm.

No-one from Hogwarts ever really dared come close to the Shrieking Shack. Remus clambered along the dark and dingy tunnel, his hands pressed against the walls either side of him, struggling to guide himself along in the muddy darkness. He thought of the way cocky third-years often dared each other to try and get in, only to decide that it was a better idea to go and get some Butterbeers instead. If only he could view the Shrieking Shack with the same amount of excitement as the other pupils did; if only he could force himself to smile as he listened to the various rumours that would go round the school about what actually was inside. But to Remus, the Shrieking Shack was a prison; a prison he chose to ignore on his trips to Hogsmeade. For the rest of the month, Remus ignored its existence entirely, as if ignoring it alone would make it disappear - but it didn’t, and it wouldn’t. But maybe the rumours were not a bad thing. After all, at least this way, no-one was brave enough to be in any real danger of stumbling across a werewolf.

By the time Remus lifted the trap door and pulled his way into the Shrieking Shack, his entire body was throbbing with pain. He could no longer bring himself to stand; his legs were failing beneath him, yet as he had flung open the creaking door he was greeted by the faces of the other Marauders, who had swiftly come to his aid. James was now by his side, his arms around his waist as he guided him carefully out of the tunnel. Peter was behind him, shutting the trap door with a loud clunk. Remus lifted his eyes and could see that Sirius was approaching, a bottle in his hand. But as he held it out for Remus to take a drink, Remus staggered backwards, a dangerous snarl escaping his lips rather than the “No� he had meant to say, before he pushed the bottle from Sirius’ hand, sending it smashing against the wall.

“Help me, Sirius!� James had caught Remus before he fainted completely and he now felt a strange feeling of weightlessness engulf him as both James and Sirius helped him to stand. He wanted to speak to them; he wanted to apologise for breaking the glass, but as he opened his mouth to talk, the words he intended to say turned into shrieks of pain. Through the commotion, Remus heard Peter whimpering somewhere on the other side of the room. He hated to think that he made his friends so afraid.

“Maybe…maybe we should change now?� Peter stammered helplessly. “Just to be sure…�

“We sodding won’t!� Sirius snapped, his voice strained as both he and James attempted to drag Remus to the bed. “Now come here and help us; otherwise, being bitten by Moony will be the least of your worries!�

At once Remus felt another pair of arms around him and, with a great heave, he felt himself fall backwards onto the bed. He could not talk at this point, and they never expected him to. It was strange that he could hear his friends talking and walking around him and yet, paralysed by pain, he was unable to do anything in response.

“Maybe Wormtail has a point, though…� James said, looking down at Remus. It was close, far too close for his liking. Already Remus had began to writhe, the dusty, claw-torn sheets wrapping around him as he twisted in agony, his cries barely muffled by the shredded pillows. “It seems a bit close to call…�

“Look!� Through his pain, Remus felt a pair of hands pull him forward and his robes being removed. “It’ll be fine, but you need to help me. If I have to undress him all on my own, then it will be too bloody close!�

By now, Remus hardly knew, nor cared, whether he was naked or not. His skin was suffocating him, choking him, imprisoning him. It seemed as if there were a million hands upon him; tugging, pulling, removing. He flailed his arms, but he was helpless to stop them. He tried to tell them it was alright, that he could do this himself, yet as he went to speak the cold air filled his lungs and something, that had been so tense within him, broke.

“Now!� Remus - the boy that was Remus - heard a swollen voice in the darkness yell, and that was the last thing the boy remembered. The silvery moon had sent its cruel tendrils across the shattered room and now the wolf was coming.

Tumbling to the floor, Remus let out a scream which pierced the now illuminated room with absolute terror. He ripped the sheets from his body as he felt his bones stretch and crack into their new form. Hunched over and crippled with his newfound frame, Remus felt his blood run first cold, and then begin to boil as his desire to kill, to murder, to destroy, eclipsed what remained of sanity. He could smell the blood of the pupils of Hogwarts. He could almost taste it, bursting from the wound, seeping down his throat and, crazed with this lust, the werewolf flung himself at the locked trap door.

It was no use; he was locked here, always here, away from what he craved; the hunt and the final triumph of the kill. The boy was his true punishment; that was his true mask. The werewolf was who he was under it all; under the shy façade, he was this monster…this killer. He knew his mind now; he could listen to his heart and no longer be afraid. He was no longer the shaken, naked boy huddled in the corner of the room. He had been freed. Once again, he flung himself towards the trap door, only this time his path was not only blocked by the door itself, but also by a large, black dog with grey eyes.

The werewolf stopped, his mind automatically cleared of the kill as, with a certain amount of trepidation, he sniffed at the dog in his path. This was not an animal he needed to fight; this was an animal he knew. At once, it was as if the bloodlust had left him; no longer did he feel the pull of the moon on his soul. Something of the boy, Remus, seemed to return and recognise that this dog was his friend. Out of the silvery darkness of the Shrieking Shack, a stag and an extremely cautious rat joined them and, after a few moments of acknowledgement, they all knew that all was well. The werewolf was calmed, tamed a little by the presence of these others and, as the moon sailed high in the sky, the werewolf somehow knew that he will not be sorry for the company of the dog, the rat and the stag that night.

Something about the feeling of the sheets against his legs told Remus that when he opened his eyes he would not find himself in the Gryffindor dormitory. These sheets were too crisp, too thin to be the thick, embroidered blankets that Remus was used to. These were not the familiar blankets that Remus would usually wake between, his eyes slowly growing accustomed to the weak morning light. He was often the first of the Marauders to wake; he had never been a peaceful sleeper and most mornings he would wake just as the sun was rising. He would stretch and tentatively peer out of the latticed window and see the frost on the inside of the glass, debating for a moment whether he should risk the short, freezing jog to the bathroom.

As Remus lay with his eyes closed he could not hear the noise of the sleeping Marauders. He was definitely not in the dormitory. If he was by now he would have heard James snoring - not loudly, but loud enough for Sirius to sometimes conjure a peg on his nose. By now he would have heard the whimpers of Peter, who slept in the bed closest to Remus and spent half the night tossing and turning wildly. Above all, the room in which Remus had awoken from what felt like days of sleep was completely devoid of all the familiar smells of his bed; this was not grand four-poster he was so used to sleeping in. Something clinical and medicinal had taken its place and, as Remus very slowly opened his eyes, it was not a surprise to see that he was in the hospital wing. A bright winter sun lit the room with a clear, white light which made it very difficult for him to keep his eyes open. The figure by his bedside, however, had seen that he was awake and now there would be no chance of drifting back to sleep.

“It’s about time,� James began, leaning back in his chair. Remus yawned deeply. “How can you be yawning…you know you’ve been asleep for nearly two days.� So that explains the groggy feeling, Remus thought to himself. “We’ve been here half the day waiting for you to wake up. I just sent Padfoot off…Peter wandered out about an hour ago and I haven’t seen him since.� Remus managed a smile and as his eyes grew more accustomed to the sunlight he saw that he and James were the only people in the entire wing.

Slowly, Remus attempted to sit up but he couldn’t help but wince as James helped him shift the pillows to make it more comfortable.

“How bad is it?� Remus asked, his voice unusually quiet even in the stillness of the room.

James cocked his head to one side, peering over his glasses as he studied Remus’ face quietly. After a moment of silence James took a sharp intake of breath before beginning, “Well, I suppose there’s hope for you yet. I’m sure some girl will be interested…sooner or later…�

Remus gave a half-hearted laugh as he reached for the mirror on the nightstand. If he had any more energy he would have flung a pillow at James. Remus looked down at his reflection. He had seen worse. Sometimes the transformations would be more violent than others. Some months the company of the other Marauders did little to restrain the werewolf; this month, however, had not been too bad. There were the usual scratches of course; a particularly deep one had cut across his right check and had nipped the corner of his mouth. Remus knew, without even looking, that his body would be purple with bruises but, as far as he could feel, no bones had been broken. Of course, Madam Pomfrey could have healed them by now but Remus was fairly certain that, compared to previous transformations, this month’s had been fairly light.

“Speaking of girls…� James began tentatively as Remus replaced the mirror. “What exactly is going on with that Figg girl?�

Remus looked at James as if to warn him that this was not a subject he wanted to talk about just now. James either ignored the warning or was entirely oblivious to Remus’ discomfort as he shifted forwards in his chair and continued, “Oh come on Moony, you can tell me. Sirius isn’t here now so you needn’t worry about him disapproving.� Remus gulped as he lowered his eyes to the sheets that were tucked tightly around him.

“Why should I be bothered about what Sirius thinks…and besides…there’s nothing to tell. Nothing’s going on. James, honestly, you know me…�

James raised an eyebrow and could barely contain his smile as he asked, “But that doesn’t mean you don’t want there to be, right?�

Remus cursed himself as he felt the blood rushing to his cheeks. Damn James and his questions; it wasn’t really fair; he was weak. He wasn’t even sure at the best of times, let alone just after he’d woken up from his transformation. It was just like James to cut to the heart of the problem: not to be cruel but to sort things out, to make things clearer. Damn Peter and his small words of encouragement. He had been no help at all in the days leading up to the full moon as far as the topic of Eleanor was concerned. Damn Sirius and his burning looks that made it impossible for Remus to understand what was happening without feeling like he was doing something wrong. But most of all, damn Remus and the way his blush was now answering James’ question before he had a chance to.

“Look,� James began, his voice losing the teasing tone from before, his face becoming serious, “I think it’s a good thing if you like her. Why shouldn’t you? I mean she is sort of pretty, if you like that kind of thing. And she’s a damn good flyer; I’ll give her that. I don’t think you should be embarrassed, you know, it’s about time you tried giving some girl a chance…�

“We’re just friends, James,� Remus heard himself snap, and he was shocked at the heat behind his words. James had stopped talking and was now looking at Remus, who took a deep, calming breath before repeating, “We’re just friends.�

“Okay…� James replied, hesitating for a moment, his mind processing what he was about to say, before he continued, “All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t worry about what we all think. You shouldn’t be so worried about all that.�

James smiled as though to reassure Remus, but there was something about the way that the smile quickly vanished that made Remus sit forward in bed, far from comforted.

“What?� Remus asked, watching the way James seemed to be carefully formulating his reply. Patiently Remus waited and finally James seemed to decide on what he was going to say - but as he shifted closer to Remus they were suddenly interrupted by the doors of the hospital swinging open.

“Well look at you two,� Sirius smirked as he walked over to the bed, dumping a half-eaten pumpkin pasty in James’ lap before flopping down on the bed next to Remus’. James looked up from the pastry mess to Sirius, who had taken out the Marauder’s Map and was now in the process of studying it closely.

“I don’t remember asking for half a pasty.�

Without even looking up from the map, Sirius replied, “I got hungry on the way over here. You should be pleased that one of us could actually be bothered to go and get some food.� James huffed and threw the remains of the pasty in the bin.

“You know what’s odd…� Sirius began, finally allowing the map to slide into his lap as he turned to face Remus and James. “I’ve been looking at this map ever since I left here and I can’t find Snivellus on it anywhere…�

“Let me see!� James snatched the map from Sirius and began to study it just as Sirius had. “Don’t be dense, Padfoot; he’s right there…on the seventh floor…look…�
Sirius jumped up and snatched the map back and, obviously having seen the spot marked “Severus Snape�, sighed and sat down at the end of Remus’ bed.

“So how’s the invalid today?� Sirius had already seen enough of Remus’ face to know that he was relatively unhurt. He would never have been so flippant if it had been bad. All of the Marauders had seen it bad before. In the beginning, when they had first learnt of Remus’ lycanthropy and secretly visited him the hospital wing, they had all been shocked to see the cuts and the bruises. None of them would ever know, Remus thought to himself, what it was like to endure what he had to endure. None of them would ever really know the horrific changes he went through every month: when not only his body would break and distort, but his mind would become murderous and inhumane. He preferred it that way. Maybe if they all really understood they wouldn’t be his friends. Perhaps if they knew the thoughts of murder that plagued his mind when he could no longer control the beast within, they would desert him. Until then Remus was certain that none of the Marauders would betray him, or abandon him to face the full moon alone.

“I’ll live, I guess,� Remus replied, hitching his knees up under his chin to allow Sirius more room on the bed.

“So what was it that you two were talking about when I came in?� James looked up from the map to Remus, who was trying his hardest not to look guilty. It was too late, however; Sirius had seen they way both of them had looked when he came in; there was nothing for it but to tell him the truth. Unless-

“Oh, me and James were just discussing whether or not we preferred Sirius the temperamental teenager, or Sirius the dog…� Remus barely contained his smile as he turned to face a grinning James, obviously just as thankful for the lie. “What do you think, Prongs?�

Sirius scowled as James pushed his glasses up his nose before he sighed dramatically, “Oh, I don’t know, Moony…� James paused and, reaching across the bed, he patted Sirius patronisingly on the head before ending, “You really do make such a sweet little dog.�

He smiles as he remembers the way that they had laughed. He smiles as he remembers the sound of their laughter filling the bright, whiteness of the hospital wing. Sometimes the laughter is not lost to time. Sometimes when he thinks and tries hard to remember, he scares himself with the sound of their laughter, looking over his shoulder as though, when he turns, he will see the smiling faces of James and Sirius appear in the darkness of the hallway. Although he never sees the Sirius that had been to Azkaban; never once does he see the Sirius with dead eyes and a cold, automatic laugh. He never sees James as he knew him in the weeks leading to his death; a James without humour; a James consumed with fear and the unending, unfathomably strong desire to protect both Lily and Harry. When this laughter comes ringing in his ears, stealing the blackness from his heart, he always turns and sees the James and Sirius of his youth, their youth; carefree and mischievous, unaware of the fate that awaited them all.

The cold of Grimmauld Place is all-consuming. Remus rarely puts the ancient heating system on; the heat makes it worse. He often debates, though, whether it would be worth it to dry out the damp. As he walks now, down the creaking corridor, he could close his eyes and almost imagine that this is not the Grimmauld Place of here and now, but the Grimmauld Place of only a year ago, full to the brim with the people he cared about and loved. To his left is the room that Harry had once shared with Ron, complete with sleeping portrait of Phineas Nigellus. Further along the corridor are the rooms Hermione and Ginny had slept in, and the bedroom Molly and Arthur had shared. He remembers the Christmas they all spent here together and for a moment he believes he can once again hear the distinctive voice of Mundungus coming from the kitchen downstairs. He imagines Tonks sitting at the kitchen table, her bubblegum-pink hair framing her face, making Harry, Ron and Hermione laugh by changing her nose to resemble Snape’s. And very distantly, coming from the hallway below, Remus is sure he can hear a familiar voice singing a shrill tune: “God rest ye Merry Hippogriffs…�

Yet past all these rooms Remus continues to walk, past the doors that are now closed, some of them locked tight. He turns right and the blue light of his wand illuminates another staircase; a staircase lined with thick, fading tapestries rather than the portraits of below. It is now, as he begins to climb, that Remus thinks of another time at Grimmauld Place; a time that he himself never saw; a time he has never known. Yet as he alights on the landing Remus can once again hear Sirius’ voice floating back to him from the past: And then…I think I shall always remember this…I’m going to leave the drawing room and Bellatrix grabs my wrist…she stops me from leaving and looks me square in the eye and says “So you have decided?� I yank my arm free and tell her I have and leave.

Her face…her laughing, manic face, illuminated by the horrible red light of the curse…beautiful yet terrifying. She and Sirius were so alike…the same grey eyes, the same high brow and defined jaw…the same aristocratic pride etched into every line of their faces. Oh yes, there was no denying it; Bellatrix and Sirius were Blacks, alright. Yet Sirius had none of her pure-blood hysteria, her insane desire for power and her obsession with Voldemort. Sirius had hated her…despised her, even till the end. To him, she represented everything he hated; everything that was cruel and tyrannical and ran through his blood and made him part of a family he couldn’t stand. Is that why he did it? Remus suddenly thinks to himself, halting, as he always did, in front of Sirius’ door? Is that why he had taunted her, teased her, and provoked her into cursing him again and again? Sirius had been so strong and capable; he was certainly not afraid of anything…no…not after Azkaban. Then why did he let her catch him off guard? Why hadn’t he been more careful?

Remus presses his palm against the door and very slowly he begins to run his hand over the panels of wood. He feels every splinter, every crack in the paint, every sharp point, and yet on the other side he can feel a burning, breathing life. He has tried to avoid opening this door, but now…now there is something about the shimmering blue light and the memories that are pushing him forwards…guiding his hand towards the handle of the door.

He hesitates; the cold metal of the doorknob is like ice on his hand. It isn’t too late to leave…to continue walking along the hallway till he reaches his own room. There would be no harm in that. But something about what had happened at Hogwarts…something about the things he is remembering seems to be leading him here and, without another moment of thought, Remus turns the handle, enters the room, and closes the door behind him.

“Now I want each of you to collect the rest of your ingredients from the front of the class. Of course, those of you who were paying attention last week should have already have collected the daisy roots and the pomegranate juice.� Remus glanced down at the mysteriously shrunken collection of daisy roots in front of him and, looking to his right, he saw that Sirius had obviously not been paying attention in their previous Potions class, and had not even asked before helping himself to the roots Remus had collected.

“Moony…can I…� But Sirius didn’t even have to finish. If he hadn’t bothered to collect the daisy roots, there was no way he had remembered the pomegranate juice. Remus had automatically reached for his vial and was already in the process of halving the juice he had collected with Sirius.

“Thanks…I owe you…another one,� Sirius added as an afterthought.

“For those of you who haven’t done the set reading for this week’s lesson, I have made a list on the board here of the other ingredients needed. Orchid petals work much better than daisy roots, but here at Hogwarts we must make do with what we have to hand. Pettigrew!�

Peter jumped, narrowly avoiding spilling the pomegranate juice he had miraculously remembered to collect, as Professor Slughorn called his name.

“Page fifty six.� Peter seemed to have frozen and was now staring blankly at an increasingly impatient Slughorn. Luckily, Lily reached across the bench and turned to the correct page for him and, after throwing Peter a warm smile, turned back to Snape with a flick of her auburn hair. On the other side of Remus, James sighed.

“I love it when she wears her hair like that.� Sirius snorted as he began to copy down the measurements of ingredients Slughorn had written on the board.

“I thought you said you were doing this last night,� Remus mumbled.

Sirius said nothing in response and James grinned before he winked at Sirius and said, “Oh yeah, you were in the library all night, weren’t you, Padfoot? Working really hard…�

Sirius looked up from his parchment, his eyes black with the threat that James should keep his mouth shut. James grinned and, after giving another extremely unsubtle wink, he once again turned his attention to the back of Lily’s head.

“What do you think, Moony?� James continued, drawing Remus’ attention away from Sirius, who now seemed a little too involved with task at hand. “Don’t you think Lily’s hair looks pretty pinned back? She had it up like that last Thursday.�

“Well, excuse us if we all have better things to do with our time than to keep a dairy of Evans’ changing attire.� Sirius looked up from his parchment and with his best look of mock sincerity before he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “Tell me, Prongs, how exactly did she have her hair on 25th November?�

James kicked Sirius hard under the table, causing him to yelp so loudly that the whole class turned round to look. Slughorn scowled at the three boys, who dutifully turned their attention back to the parchments in front of them as Slughorn continued to preach about the various properties of salamander blood.

“I suppose we can’t all have such a varied and exciting love life as yours.� At once Sirius stopped laughing and Remus saw the way James seemed to be delighting in his next comment, “How is Marianne by the way…still as enthusiastic as ever?�

Sirius’ face was thunderous as he tried to pull his wand quick enough to hex James without being seen. He was not quick enough, however; Remus had anticipated it all and had performed a quick charm that had turned Sirius’ wand into a wilting flower. James struggled to stifle his giggles and Sirius, who had been so furious, now melted under James’ laughter with the words, “Very funny, Moony.�

“Why does she spend so much time with that slimy git?� James began again, his eyes once again fixed on Lily. Both Remus and Sirius looked at where Lily was sitting, studiously weighing out the correct amount of moonstone to add to her cauldron.

“God knows,� Sirius said as he watched them, “I don’t know how she can stand the stench.� James laughed and this seemed to be enough to once again draw his attention back to the task at hand. Remus, however, continued to watch the way Snape switched from staring fixedly into his cauldron to staring at Lily. There was something about Lily Evans that seemed to draw people in; she was in everyone’s confidence and yet she betrayed no-one. Lily Evans was a girl that everyone could trust and perhaps that was part of the reason that so many of the boys in their year seemed half in love with her - none more so than James, of course. As much as the Marauders mocked him for it, Remus knew that what James felt for Lily was more than just a teenage crush. Maybe in the beginning it had been almost fun for him; a sort of challenge to get one of the only girls that wasn’t interested him, to like him. Yet now they were all older and things had changed. Remus had the unshakeable feeling that James was serious about Lily and that, maybe, behind a façade of hatred, she was serious about him too.

“So,� Remus said as he finished stirring his potion in the figure of eight he as instructed by the book in front of him. “Prepared for Christmas at the Potters’ yet?�

Sirius leant back in his chair and, running his hand idly through his now very long hair, he exhaled deeply before saying, “I don’t know…I mean I don’t know if it will all be too much.� Sirius looked at James and raised an eyebrow before continuing, “We might kill each other, James.�

“Don’t be soft, course we won’t. Oh, that reminds me, Dad’s invited you and Peter to stay with us over the New Year for a few days. I guess by their logic, if they’re going to have one of you lot over, they might as well have the rest of you too.�

“Yeah, but I’m not just staying for the New Year, am I?� Sirius’ lips had barely moved and his words were small and uncertain in the packed Potions room. It may have been quiet but Remus had clearly heard the fear behind what Sirius had said and he remembered that despite the fact that Sirius was now to live with the Potters, he was, relatively, without a family…without a home.

It had been more than a month since Sirius had told Remus all that had happened when he had returned home to Grimmauld Place. Another full moon had come and gone and now there was only a week to go until most of the pupils at Hogwarts would return home for the Christmas holidays. Since Halloween there had been no more talk of what had happened between Sirius and his family; that was the only time Sirius had confided in Remus about what was happening. Of course, maybe Sirius had been talking to James; telling James all the things he was feeling and fearing. Remus felt his mind grow hot with that thought of that and as he glanced up from his parchment he couldn’t help looking from James to Sirius. What was it about the thought of Sirius telling James those things that bothered him?

Sirius looked up from his parchment and for one terrifying moment Remus had the horrible feeling that Sirius was reading his mind. Those eyes seemed so light for a moment, searching Remus’ face for whatever it was he was so consumed with. Remus glanced to his side and saw that James was talking to Peter, whose potion looked nothing like the description in the book. Sirius’ eyes never left him however, and as he turned back round Remus did something that he hardly ever did; he pulled a square of parchment towards himself and wrote across it in his looping hand Are you sure that everything’s alright?

Sirius was surprised when he glanced down at the desk to see Remus pushing a note towards him, and Remus could barely watch as he slowly opened it to read what was written there. This was not like him at all. This was usually James and Sirius’ past time in Potions, not his. Remus could feel his cheeks burning as he listened to Sirius’ quill scratching a response next to him. After a few moments, waiting for Slughorn to pass their desks, Remus slid the folded piece of parchment out from the book Sirius had hidden it beneath and read; with a mother like you, Moony, how could I not be?

Beside him Remus heard Sirius laugh as he leant over his shoulder to read back what he had written. Remus turned to find Sirius smiling at him, his dark eyes dancing with amusement. Remus could feel the beginnings of a smile. He tried hard not to succumb to the laughter that was bubbling inside his throat. Yet it was impossible to ignore Sirius’ smile which made his eyes twinkle darkly. Sirius leant back in his chair, his eyes still fixed on Remus’ faltering stern façade and, after shrugging flippantly, he beamed as he watched Remus finally giving in to the laughter, which caused both Peter and James to stop talking and to turn and look at the two laughing Marauders.

“I’m glad you find your failed potions so amusing.� Slughorn’s voice cut through the laughter as he peered down into both Remus’ and then Sirius’ cauldron. “I hope you find it even more amusing in detention.�

Remus’ heart sank; all hopes of finishing his Transfiguration essay tonight in good time for the end of term were lost. Sirius, on the other hand, was smiling down at his parchment, almost as if some sort of small victory had been won and, as soon as Slughorn had swaggered back to the front of the classroom, Remus kicked Sirius hard under the table.

With a heavy heart, Remus finished changing and lifted his extremely heavy trunk over his head, pushing it into the over-head luggage storage, before, slightly exhausted, flopping down onto the seats below. He would be pleased to see his mum and dad again, but apart from their company, Remus usually found the Christmas holidays incredibly lonely. Their house was in the middle of nowhere; it had been impossible for his parents to convince the Ministry that Remus was safe enough to be allowed to live within fifty miles of the nearest village. So it was that they had always lived in a large and incredibly cold house in the middle of a rather desolate and blustery patch of moorland. Remus’ parents knew no-one from the surrounding area, even though they had been living there since Remus had been bitten. People from the wizarding community tended to keep their distance because of what he was; and they could not risk becoming close to any unsuspecting Muggles. And so, after a week at home, Remus always longed to return to Hogwarts and to the friends he had there.

Hysterical noises were coming from all the other carriages; everyone seemed to be excited about returning home and enjoying the holidays. Remus laughed to himself as he watched first-years struggling to pull their trunks. He watched as a small blonde boy, undoubtedly a first-year, attempted to manoeuvre his trunk around an impossibly narrow corner, only to stumble and fall, much to the amusement of a group of sniggering Slytherin girls in the opposite compartment. Remus cursed them under his breath as he moved to help the boy, holding his trunk steady as he clambered to his feet. Something about this nervous first-year struck Remus as familiar; maybe he reminded him of himself in the not-so-distant past.

“Don’t worry about them,� Remus said, smiling in an attempt to reassure the boy, who looked like he might be was about to cry. “They’re only a bunch of stuck up Slytherins. What do they know?�

“Yeah,� the small, blonde boy managed to say as Remus lifted the trunk into the compartment towards which he had been heading. As he did so, Remus heard someone else enter the room and, on turning, he saw to his surprise Eleanor stooping down over the boy to flatten his hair down with the palm of her hand.

“I told you to wait for me…I told you it would be too heavy…� The blonde boy grimaced at her words and it was now, as they stood side by side, that Remus realised why he had struck him as familiar. They both had the same fair hair and the same large, blue eyes.

“Yeah, alright…get off me!� the boy snapped as he pushed her fussing hands away, stuffing his own hands sulkily into his pockets. They even seemed to have the same slight air of petulance.

“Thanks for helping him,� Eleanor said, turning to Remus after sticking her tongue out at the stropping blonde boy. Remus went to speak, but whatever polite responses he had been formulating now evaporated and, instead, he simply smiled and, after giving the boy a brief nod, he turned to make his way back to his own compartment.

“Well, some-one’s feeling sociable today.� Eleanor was following him, and, after a moment of deliberating whether or not he should pretend that he hadn’t heard her, Remus turned and said, “Sorry…I’m just thinking about Christmas and all…�

“Another one of my favourite holidays,� Eleanor offered, still not turning back to return to the boy. She had followed him all the way to his own compartment and now, as Remus turned the corner, he prayed that the other Marauders were not already in there. Remus was relieved to see that the compartment was still empty, and as he sat down he was slightly confused when Eleanor followed him and took the seat opposite.

“That was Sidney, by the way…�

“Sorry?� Remus asked, stilldistracted by the fact that she was now sitting with him, alone.

“The boy? He’s Sidney. My brother. He started in September but already thinks he knows it all. I don’t know if we were all like that…� She paused and, after wrinkling her nose as if the thought offended her, she continued, “I hope I wasn’t.�

If this had been any other time or place, with any other person, perhaps Remus’ social skills would have been better. Maybe he could have offered something funny in response…maybe they could have spoken about starting Hogwarts; exchanged first year stories. But Eleanor was still not leaving and at any minute the others would show up and question him endlessly about what she was doing there.

“How did your Transfiguration essay go?� she asked, leaning back into the chair as though she had no intention of leaving.

“Erm…well,� Remus paused and watched her face carefully as she waited patiently for him to respond. No, he was being silly, he told himself, swallowing hard. After all, why shouldn’t he make the effort to talk to her? She had only ever been pleasant and kind. She had never given Remus a reason to not want to talk and so it was that Remus Lupin finally ignored the niggling feeling of guilt at the back of his mind and replied, “I suppose I’ve done okay, but I had detention so I didn’t do as much work on it as I would have liked to.�

“I wouldn’t have taken you for the rebellious type.�

“Not like James and Sirius, you mean?� Eleanor’s teasing smile disappeared and she shrugged, almost half-heartedly. He had done it again; whenever any girl ever spoke to him, he unconsciously directed the conversation towards James and Sirius. He couldn’t help it; it was a force of habit. And besides, Remus was used to girls being very transparent in their questions on the two more popular boys.

Yet Eleanor seemed almost a little annoyed, and she rolled her eyes before saying, “That’s not what I meant. If you think it’s okay to go around hexing perfectly innocent people…� Remus smiled. It was unusual to come across a girl who actually disapproved of James’ and Sirius’ behaviour. Eleanor blushed, the concern of perhaps having said too much against Remus’ friends clearly written in her face, and in the awkwardness of her words as she continued more tactfully, “What I meant was, maybe you have hidden depths.�

Inwardly, Remus laughed at the irony of what she had just said. If only she really knew of his hidden depths, then there would be little chance she would be speaking to him now. She was here, sitting with him; completely uninterested in either Sirius or James. Here she was, talking to him and him alone. And somewhere deep inside, Remus felt a certain amount of happiness in thinking that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as invisible as he was so used to feeling.

“You look different,� she said so suddenly that Remus now became horribly aware of just how alone they were. All around them, from other compartments, voices could be heard joking, laughing, and squealing with excitement. Out of the window, Remus could see yet more students boarding the Hogwarts Express, some of them already removing their robes and loosening their ties. He suddenly became aware of the slightly stale smell that filled the air; the smell of musty clothes, long forgotten pieces of parchment and crisps that had been eaten long ago in this very compartment.

“Different?� Remus managed to eventually say, ending the awkward silence between them. He smiled unconvincingly before joking, “Am I to take that as an insult?�

Eleanor laughed before shaking her head.

“I mean in your normal clothes…you just look different.� Remus looked down at his brown trousers and his somewhat ancient jumper and blushed. “I just suppose we’re not used to seeing each other out of uniform…well, apart from Hogsmeade…� Remus looked up from studying his clothes and it was Eleanor’s turn to blush and suddenly stop talking, as she became acutely aware that she had, perhaps, been talking too much. But Eleanor had had a point; she too looked different. She looked so much older out of uniform. Her figure was no longer swamped by the dark robes that every student at Hogwarts had to wear. Instead, her own clothes seemed to cling tightly to her frame, making Remus uncomfortably aware of every curve in her body. Her hair, although no different to how it had ever been before, seemed all the lighter. For the first time, Remus felt able to look into her eyes; eyes which - he had never realised before - were so light they appeared almost grey. When she smiled, her cheeks flushed with colour. When she shifted in her seat, Remus noticed the way the fabric of her skirt grew tight across her thighs. He had never, in all honesty, noticed a girl in this way before.

“I’m sorry,� Eleanor began, standing. Remus stood too, unsure of what to do. “You obviously want to be left alone. I just kind of saw you and felt you might want to talk…thank you for helping Sidney and all that.�

“No, I’m being rude,� Remus said, suddenly more embarrassed by his rudeness than by the fact that in ordinary clothes, Remus was becoming dangerously aware of how pretty he found her. “I just…sometimes…� He stopped and Eleanor sat back down, patiently waiting for him to continue. “Sometimes I’m not good with people. I get lost for things to say. It’s my own fault, really. I’ve always been like that. It has nothing to do with you.�

Eleanor smiled as if she understood and nodded. Still Remus could not bring himself to sit and, with a certain amount of fascination, he watched as Eleanor produced a piece of parchment from her pocket and began writing something across it. Finally she finished and stood and, after shifting awkwardly on her feet, she held out the parchment for Remus to take.

“It’s my address,� she said, flicking her hair back. “Just in case you wanted to write over Christmas.� Her smile wavered. “I don’t know about you, but I get so bored at home. You don’t have to, obviously. But if you felt like writing, you could.�

Remus tried to say something, but he could only nod in affirmation. Then, as he took the parchment from her, he felt that maybe something else was happening here. Maybe this wasn’t really about writing at all. Their hands touched and a peculiar feeling seemed to seep up his arm. Even if he wanted to, Remus felt he could not bring himself to take the parchment and break the contact. Her hand was so warm and so soft in his; against his skin. Eleanor wasn’t moving; she hadn’t taken her hand away; she hadn’t stepped backwards. She too seemed to have frozen with the heat of that touch and was now inching slightly closer towards him. Without thinking or hesitation, Remus tentatively traced the tip of one of his fingers over the back of her hand. She flinched, but not away; and for one frightening moment, Remus seemed to understand what was happening between them. For one frightening moment, Remus liked what he felt…

“Help me here, Moony,� a voice behind them said; a voice which caused them to spring apart and drop the piece of parchment they had been holding between them. It fell to the ground; to the feet of Sirius, who was standing in the doorway of the compartment. No-one moved.

Sirius said nothing as he stooped to pick up the parchment, turning it curiously in his hand to read what was written there. It seemed that it was this that prompted Eleanor to move, and Remus could not help but catch the scathing looks that passed between Sirius and Eleanor as she said, “Well, I’ll see you after Christmas ,then.�

Remus nodded and she left, pushing her way past Sirius, who, still standing in the doorway, had not moved to allow her to pass. Once again Remus became aware of the laughter from the other compartments; a laughter that seemed to be growing louder all the time. The train gave a jolt and slowly shifted into motion; a shrill whistle alerted the students that they were leaving Hogsmeade station. Sirius stepped into the compartment, his hand extended, holding out the piece of parchment for Remus to take. He took it, his guts twisting with guilt as he shoved it quickly into his trouser pocket.

“If you like her, you like her, Moony,� Sirius said, his voice completely devoid of any feeling as he finally took his seat and loosened his tie. “It’s obvious she likes you. Maybe you should write to her.�

“Maybe,� Remus said quietly, although there was so much more to be said.

Those words would remain unspoken, however, as James rushed into the carriage with Peter, both red-faced and breathless as Peter managed to splutter, “It nearly went without us.�

He could have gone the Muggle way, of course. He could have taken the two trains, then the bus, and made the short walk to James’ house, although, if he had done, it would have taken him forever to get there. As Remus alighted from his broomstick in a deserted field some way outside of James’ home town, he watched a flock of birds, that he had been flying alongside only moments before, continuing to twist their way across the purple sky towards the dying sun. It had been freezing, flying on New Year’s Eve. Remus had spent most of the journey desperately attempting to re-tie his scarf and trying to stop his hat from slipping in front of his eyes. Lucky James and Sirius hadn’t seen him, he now thought to himself as, tucking his broomstick under one arm, he set off in the direction of the twinkling town lights on the crest of the hill. He never flew in front of them if he could help it, both of them being far more skilled at flying than he was. In fact, James was incredible. Ever since his first year, he had been able to do the sort of manoeuvres rarely even contemplated by the bravest of professional Quidditch players. Peter often told James that he was destined for stardom, clapping him on the back, and James himself rarely disagreed with him. It was times like that when Remus thought that maybe James’ harmless arrogance was actually fuelled by the Marauders themselves. Maybe they were all, in some way, to blame.

Remus followed the line of conifers down into the valley knowing that, at any moment, he would see the iron gate, which would lead him into the Potters’ back garden, appear in between the shrubbery. Remus, in all the time he had known James, had only ever been to his house twice before. There seemed so little point in out-of-school visits, when they saw so much of each other during term time anyway. Peter had never had the confidence to ask his parents whether or not his friends could come and stay, let alone pluck up the courage to actually invite the Marauders. Remus’ parents were always too nervous about drawing too much attention to themselves in the surrounding area to have too many wizards and witches in the house at one time. And Sirius - well, he had once, as they had all sat silently together in the library, asked them if they wanted to come for tea at Grimmauld Place, only to get them thrown out of the library for the laughter that had followed. James seemed to like having them around, Remus thought to himself as he turned off the main road and down a narrow cul-de-sac. He, more than Peter or Remus, seemed to keenly feel the loneliness of being an only child. Of course, things were different now; now that Sirius had moved in. Sirius was the only Marauder to have any siblings, although now, Remus supposed that Regulus didn’t really count. Over the years, Sirius and James had become so close that it wasn’t at all surprising that they were living as brothers. It hadn’t surprised Remus in the least that the Potters had invited Sirius to stay.

Remus propped his broomstick up inside the porch before wiping his feet and knocking on the door. The daylight was rapidly slipping away and a frost had already begun to dust the pathway with a silver sheen. Remus pulled his coat tighter around himself as he knocked again, a little louder than before, his breath freezing on the air as he waited. Eventually, Remus could hear movement from inside; footsteps rushing down the stairs; the sound of someone falling followed by a whimper of pain and strangled laughter. Finally, the door was opened and James beamed as he pulled Remus inside, slamming the door with a great thud behind him. Peter had been the one who had fallen and now he was in the process of untangling himself from the muddle of cloaks he had pulled down with him from the pegs. Sirius was standing at the top of the stairs, leaning against the banister, arms folded across his chest.

“Good Christmas, Moony?� Peter asked, eventually managing to sort himself out.

Remus took off his coat, hat and scarf and hung them on an empty peg before replying, “It was alright. It’s freezing out.�

“Yeah, I flew here too. I was going to get the train, but…�

“Mummy couldn’t trust him,� Sirius interjected. Sirius had yet to meet Remus’ eye, even though he had been looking right at him ever since he had entered. None of them had spoken since they had left platform nine and three quarters, and even then it had been a sort of rushed goodbye.

“Shut it, Padfoot, for a minute,� James said, clapping Remus hard on the back, half guiding him up the stairs.

Sirius sighed, rolling his eyes before retorting impatiently, “Look, you better ask him soon, before you get so far stuck up his…�

“Ask me what?� Remus was instantly suspicious. No wonder James had automatically jumped to Peter’s defence instead of joining in; he was trying to get Remus on side. There was something that they wanted Remus to do. James still had one arm over Remus’ shoulder as they began to climb the creaking staircase.

“There’s just something I need a little help with. You’re by far the best at this sort of thing out of any of us…� Sirius, who was ahead of them, scoffed. James scowled at the back of Sirius’ head before continuing; “Besides, we’ve got plenty of time…�

“James’ parents have gone away for the night.� Peter’s voice was tinged with excitement as James reached up to pull down the ladder which led to the attic. “We’ve got the whole house to ourselves!�

“They’ve gone to some big party in London. Something to do with the Ministry…I think they thought that if you were here, Moony, you’d be able to exert some sort of control.�

“But we’ve got some Firewhiskey that I stole from my dad’s cabinet…� Peter had now pulled himself into the attic room and was bobbing up and down excitedly. “We’re really going to see the New Year in…�

“You really are such a simple creature, aren’t you, Wormtail?� Sirius snapped from the opposite side of the room, and Remus pulled himself up just in time to see him flop down on one of the cushions that were strewn across the floor. Peter said nothing, although he was clearly hurt, as he sat down on a low, wicker chair, picking up a copy of the Daily Prophet and beginning to read. It was wrong of Sirius to talk to Peter like that. He may have been slightly annoying, from time to time, but Peter was still their friend. Yet before Remus could say anything, James was crouching down on the floor next to Sirius, pushing towards Remus whatever it was that he needed help with.

“You’re joking, right…� Remus said, lifting his eyes to James, who was eagerly awaiting more of a response. Remus then looked at Sirius, who was now lying idly across the floor, quietly charming a feather that had shot out of one of the pillows he had sat on, so that now it floated gently on the air. “Is this why you kept stealing from Slughorn’s store?�

“Oh, come on ,Moony, we’ve all had a go at it, but we just can’t get it to go right.� James flicked through the copy of Advanced Potions for the Average.

“You know I won’t help you make it,� Remus said. Sirius’ eyes did not leave the feather. James slammed his book shut.

“I told you, didn’t I, Prongs, but you wouldn’t listen, would you?� Sirius said. “You would have been better off asking Snape.�

“Maybe I would have if I had his address.�

Sirius forgot about the feather and sat up, a barely contained smile tracing his lips as he replied maliciously, “Well, I’m sure Lily would have it…why don’t you owl and ask her?�

James threw a pillow, which, laughing, Sirius dodged. Peter had long ago left the copy of the Daily Prophet forgotten by his chair, and had moved across the room to be closer.

“Please, Remus…just help me out…I’ll never ask you for anything again, I swear.�

Remus raised an eyebrow. “I think we both know that that’s a lie.� Peter nodded vigorously beside them. “And besides, do you really think you need Amortentia to get Lily to like you? It’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?�

James sighed heavily, kicking his Potions book in frustration before standing. “Well, if you can think of any other way, tell me because I’m sick to bloody death of it. I don’t know how it can hurt to give it a try. You may think it’s desperate – well, then…I guess that makes me desperate, too.�

Peter twitched nervously, his eyes moving between James and Remus; James who was standing, and Remus who was seated in front of the cauldron and the books. Remus looked for Sirius, who had long ago picked up a Quidditch magazine, and now, seemed to be giving this his utmost attention. It would be wrong, Remus told himself, staring down into the cauldron; no-one deserved to be tricked into love against their will. Yet James was looking so desperate. And, after all, it was New Year’s Eve. Sirius’ eyes became visible over the top of the magazine; he could sense that Remus was relenting.

Eventually, Remus took off his shoes and, after peering down into the cauldron for a second time, he said quietly, “Well, it’s the wrong temperature for a start.� Sirius was laughing behind his magazine; Peter clapped his hands excitedly; and James, who had been nervously pacing the room, suddenly flung himself down next to Remus to watch.

An hour had passed and finally Remus had managed to salvage James’ potion; a potion which, however hard James professed, bore absolutely no resemblance to Amortentia. Remus had to start virtually from scratch. The whole time, James had been thanking Remus; Sirius had sat in virtual silence, occasionally unable to refrain from insulting his friends. Finally, the potion was finished and now the four Marauders sat, gazing down into the cauldron, each watching with fascination the shimmering liquid, which was sending spirals of mist up into the air.

“That’s it…� James said, comparing the potion he saw in front of him with the description in the book. “That’s exactly what it’s supposed to look like…�

“Well, what now?� Peter asked. Remus shrugged. Maybe he hadn’t really thought this through. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so easily convinced…god knows what James was planning to do now. Luckily, as Remus looked at him, he was almost certain that James hadn’t really thought this through either, as he was now looking desperately at Sirius.

“I hadn’t really thought about it…Padfoot…what do you think?�

“This was your bright idea, Prongs, not mine. Besides,� he said, suddenly springing into life, walking across the room to where Peter’s belongings were and rummaging through the bags, “I’m bored of just sitting, watching Remus make a potion. It’s New Year’s Eve…where’s that Firewhiskey you were boasting about, Wormtail?�

Peter went to speak, but Remus spoke instead, addressing Sirius for the first time since he had entered James’ house. “You shouldn’t just go through his things like that.� Sirius raised his eyes from the pile of bags to Remus then, to surprise of all the other Marauders, ignored him before continued to look.

“It’s here,� Peter said, rushing over to help Sirius. James stood, stretching away the pins and needles that had seized his legs and, with a flick of the wand, turned on all the lamps in the room, banishing the dark to the cold night outside. When Sirius returned with the bottle, James had produced four paper cups and was lining them up on the floor. Remus had never been a drinker; he had always hated the smell of Firewhiskey, never mind the taste, and as he watched Sirius fill up the cups with the burning, red liquid, Remus cringed. Peter took his cup and eagerly swirled the drink under his nostrils. Remus had never seen Peter drink. James and Sirius occasionally managed to commandeer bottles of Firewhiskey, stealing them from older students or swiping them from Slughorn’s desk. One night last year, James and Sirius had staggered back to the dormitory roaring drunk, smelling of alcohol, with their clothes covered in mud, sludge and water from where they had thought it suddenly a good idea to attempt to wrestle the Giant Squid. Remus had never been drunk and so he hardly expected James to think he would take the paper cup that he was now being offered. He smiled a refusal and James shrugged, kicking off his shoes before taking a brisk swig from his own cup. Peter was sipping his slowly, his whole face twisting with disgust with every mouthful he swallowed.

“Are you always such a bloody puritan?� Sirius was twisting his cup in his hand as he flicked through James’ LP’s. There was no doubt who had spoken.

“Not always,� Remus carefully responded, his eyes still on Sirius’ face, which was half shrouded in lamplight.

“He just doesn’t like drinking…� James too was watching his friend.

“It’s not really about not wanting to drink, though, is it, Remus?� Sirius’ attention was finally on Remus; he seemed to have suddenly forgotten the LP’s he had been studying and was now glaring darkly at his friend. Remus could feel the anger rising within him; he thought they had made up when Sirius had come back from Grimmauld Place. They had agreed not to argue anymore. They had agreed to remember that they were friends. Yet now Sirius was attacking him once again; taunting him, tempting him into an argument he didn’t want to have. Sirius had always been impossible to ignore; a dull hatred seemed etched into every line of his face as he continued to articulate slowly, “It’s the same thing with the drink as it was with that potion. It’s not that you don’t want to do something…you just don’t want to do anything that would make you part of the group. Here we are, all friends, all alone on New Year’s Eve with a bottle of Firewhiskey that’s begging to be drunk. And here you are, trying to ruin everything.�

“Come on, Padfoot…� James’ voice was lost, however, as Remus could no longer ignore Sirius’ words.

“Hasn’t it occurred to you that maybe the reason I don’t drink, or don’t want to make Amortentia, is that I have a mind of my own? That maybe I think there’s more to life than just going along with what you want?�

Peter gasped and James stared dumbly at Remus, shocked at what he had just said. Sirius, however, was smiling. He had stooped to pick up Remus’ cup and was now holding a cup of Firewhiskey in each hand as he walked very slowly towards Remus. He held the cup out for Remus to take, the same curious smile upon his face as he said darkly, “Come on then, Remus. You have a mind of your own, don’t you?�

Remus hesitated before taking the cup that was offered, staring down at the pungent liquid. It would be so easy to go along; to briskly drain the contents of the cup. Yet if did that, he would be telling Sirius that everything was alright; that everything had been forgiven and they could simply forget all that had gone before. This was something that could not be resolved with a drink; Remus would never toast to that. He smiled as, very slowly, he began to pour his drink into Sirius’ empty cup. Sirius gave a sharp bark of laughter, before swiftly draining what had been Remus’ drink. Remus sat down in the low wicker chair. Sirius was already re-filling his cup.

“Come on, Wormtail,� James said, carefully placing the needle down upon the record, filling the room with the first, crackling notes of a familiar song. “You have to tell us…�

Peter wriggled uncomfortably, his eyes automatically seeking Remus for support. Poor Peter, Remus thought to himself. The questioning had begun about fifteen minutes ago and now it was Peter’s turn to answer. Harmless questions, really; questions that are asked amongst friends when alcohol is consumed. Remus had watched as his friends had gradually slipped from sobriety into drunkenness. Peter had, predictably, been the first to go, although how much of his drunken behaviour was genuine, Remus found it hard to tell. Maybe it was the way he seemed a little too loud, a little too clumsy (well, more than usual) that made Remus doubt, but Peter hadn’t seemed to have drunk half as much Firewhiskey as James or Sirius.

James was a hilarious drunk - although it was not particularly funny to watch as he staggered from one side of the room to the other, the case to the LP he had just put on slipping from his hand. Eventually it fell and, after squinting down to where it had fallen, James suddenly burst into laughter, his glasses slipping down his nose as he clutched desperately at his sides. No; he was funny because when he was drunk, all his worries about what he was doing or saying seemed to disappear and now, as he slumped down heavily on the floor beside Remus, he seemed not to care what the others would think if he reached across and ruffled Remus’ hair affectionately. Remus cringed slightly and Sirius laughed.

Sirius, despite the amount of Firewhiskey he had consumed, seemed to remain exactly the same. Well, maybe not, Remus amended to himself as he made a half-hearted attempt to bat James’ hand away once more. Sirius had become a lot quieter since the drinking had begun, only now and again answering James’ questions. He had avoided the opportunities to insult Peter, or to snap at Remus, and instead, he seemed to have been carefully listening to everything that was being said, occasionally moving to re-fill his cup.

Remus had abstained from the drinking. Even though it was New Year’s Eve and he was amongst friends, Remus could not bring himself to swallow his pride and take the drink that Sirius had offered. It about something else; he had changed its meaning so it had meant more than simply refusing alcohol. He could feel that their friendship was changing…and it was not just happening between him and Sirius, but to the other Marauders, too. They were growing older…perhaps they were growing apart? Remus shuddered at the thought, a shudder which James did not notice as he once again repeated his question.

“I…I can’t…� Peter stammered, and James sighed dramatically, throwing his arms up in the air with the words, “What are you so worried about, Wormtail? It’s not like we’d go and tell anyone, is it? Anyone we’d tell is sitting in this room…�

“Maybe he knows we’d use it against him,� Remus couldn’t help but say.

Sirius’ face cracked into a dark smile as he sat up, his eyes fixed on Peter’s nervous face. “Oh, come on, Prongs, you honestly don’t know who he fancies?� James shrugged. Peter once again looked nervously to Remus. Sirius laughed as he leant into James and whispered the name into his ear. Remus couldn’t hear what he had said and yet, he didn’t have to. Even if he had not already known, he would have been able to tell by the way James paled.

“You fa…fancy Lily?� James spluttered, half shocked, half furious. Peter said nothing; his face was red, and his eyes were pale and watery and he looked ready to transfigure at any minute.

Sirius, however, continued to laugh as he threw an arm about James’ shoulders and, after pulling his friend to him, he said, “Come on, half the boys at Hogwarts think they’re half in love with her. I even thought she was sort of pretty at one point.� James was aghast, but even Peter was giggling now. Remus watched as Sirius placed the tip of one of his fingers on James’ chin and closed his mouth with the words, “Don’t worry, I soon realised that she was a little too high maintenance for me. Besides, how could I ever compare to you?�

“B…but…you’re my friends…� James was having difficulty processing what Sirius had just said. James had never been very observant. If he had been, he would have noticed, just as Remus had noticed, the way in which Peter seemed to become virtually silent whenever Lily was present or the way, in their fourth year, Sirius had taken a particular interest in Lily’s whereabouts. It all meant nothing, however; that was something Remus was sure of. And Peter, who seemed to have composed himself slightly, managed to mumble, “You know, Prongs, she’d never look at me twice…I’d never do anything, anyway…we’re friends, aren’t we?�

James nodded and, after a moment thinking over what had been said, he suddenly stood up and said, “But she’d never look at sodding Snape twice, would she? And yet she’d rather talk to him than me…�

“They’re just friends, James. They have a lot in common, that’s all.�

James looked at Remus, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he had something to say. After pacing to and fro for a moment, he sat back down, his head resting on one of the pillows and, after sighing heavily, he began, “I know you’re right, Moony…I know they’re just friends, but…I don’t know if any of you really understand how I feel…�

“Course we bloody do,� Sirius suddenly interjected. “You remind us daily…you love her, we’ve got it.�

“That’s the thing, though - you haven’t!� James was suddenly angry and Remus was shocked to see the way he sat up, rounding on Sirius and almost shouting as he continued, “You wouldn’t have the first clue about what I’m going on about. You’ve never been in love with anyone, Padfoot – well, apart from yourself. You’ve never even loved anyone in your family, so how could you possibly know?� Sirius said nothing, his face unreadable as he too continued to watch James grow redder and redder.

All at once, James’ attention was on Remus and with the same venom he had directed at Sirius, he said, “And you…Remus…you’re too bloody scared to let anyone near you in case they’ll hate you. You’re so worried about what people think that you’ll never let yourself have anything you want.�

James was shaking now; his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to remain composed, turning to Peter and saying, “If you keep thinking you’re not good enough…if you keep letting us push you around, then one day we’ll push you too far, do you get what I’m saying, Wormtail?� Peter was frozen, his hands tightly gripping the cushion he was sat upon.

James swallowed more harsh words as he lay back down on the floor to stare up at the ceiling. He was drunk, Remus told himself, unable to take in what had just been said; James was only saying these things because he was drunk. Yet it had been true, everything James had just said had been true, and as James went to speak further, Remus’ guts tightened at the thought of what was coming next.

Yet whatever Remus had been expecting, it did not come. Instead, James’ voice was soft; the anger of only moments before seemed to have vanished, and his voice was barely above a whisper as he said, “I love her…I just love her, and there’s nothing else to it. I know you all laugh and take the piss and I don’t really mind; it’s just that…it hurts sometimes. You all have no idea what it’s like for me to love her. She’s not just some girl who thinks I’m amazing at Quidditch…she’s fantastic, you know? She’s special. There is no-one else like her. And I don’t just want to go to Hogsmeade with her, or want someone to study with at the weekends…� James hesitated, blinking steadily up at the shadows of the Marauders that were cast upon the ceiling before continuing, “I want to marry her…I want to spend the rest of my life loving her, and only her. I want that more badly than I’ve ever wanted anything. More badly than I want to beat Slytherin in the new term, more badly than I want to become Head Boy next year…I just want her. If I had her, I’d love her to the day I died, I know I would. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do…� James stopped talking, blushing suddenly, turning his attention to the cauldron on the opposite side of the room.

Then suddenly he laughed, breaking the spell of the words he had just spoken, a spell that seemed to have entranced all the Marauders, and said, “Maybe you’re right, Moony…maybe Amortentia is a bit desperate…� Remus could only nod in response; he was shocked at the strength of the words James had spoken. He had been surprised by the depth of feeling. He hadn’t thought that James could ever be that serious about anything. Now, Remus felt ashamed of the times he had joined Sirius in mocking him for it…they had had no right, it wasn’t fair.

As Remus looked at Sirius now, he had no idea whether or not Sirius was thinking the same thing. He was staring down at James, his eyes moving swiftly up and down the length of his body as if searching for something. Yet this gaze was broken as James suddenly stood, and, after swaying uncertainly on his feet for a moment, laughed before wincing and saying, “I think we should get rid of it in the morning…�

Remus laid there in the dark. Peter was beside him, only his head visible over the top of his sleeping bag. Every now and again, he would twitch his nose and let out a tiny, rather pathetic snore before settling back down once more to sleep. How long Remus had been lying there, staring up at the patterns that the shadow of the trees outside made across the ceiling, he could not be sure. Shifting carefully, so as to not wake Peter beside him, Remus lifted his arm so that his wristwatch was better visible in the pale light from outside. It was a quarter to twelve; so much for staying up and seeing in the New Year in style.

Slowly, Remus began to kick his own sleeping bag from his feet, sitting up and rubbing his eyes before gazing about the room. In the dark, he could just about make out James, who had fallen asleep in the wicker chair rather than returning to his own bedroom on the floor below. He was still fully clothed; his glasses were bending across his nose due to the pressure of leaning against the side of the chair. Even the cup he had been drinking from was balanced carefully on the arm. It was almost as if he had not moved since he had sat down hours ago.

Remus sat up, craning his neck to make out the sleeping form of Sirius on the opposite side of the room frozen beneath the many blankets he had collected from the room he now shared with James. How could they all sleep, Remus wondered, suddenly aware of how cold it was in the attic room as he stood up, leaving the warmth of the bedding that was strewn across the floor. How could they just ignore the accusations that James had levelled at all of them; accusations that, however much it pained Remus to admit it, were true? It had hurt to hear what James had to say with the confidence of alcohol pushing him onwards. Had he only said these things because of the Firewhiskey? Or was this what James really believed? Remus reached down and with one, brisk tug managed to prise his jumper from underneath Peter’s head without waking him. It had been hard to hear James say the things that Remus had known; things he too had recognised in his friends and yet, for some reason, things he always chose to ignore. Was it his place to tell Peter that his lack of confidence could be manipulated in far more dangerous ways than ever it was by the Marauders? Was it really his place to tell Sirius that maybe if he allowed himself to feel, he would, perhaps, better understand the feelings of others? Remus shivered as he pulled on the jumper he had just retrieved, and he began to cautiously pick his way amongst his friends in an attempt to reach the bathroom without waking them. He felt, for one horrible moment, like he he was going to be sick.

It was even darker in the bathroom than it had been in the attic room; even darker than it had been on the landing Remus had reached after carefully climbing down the rickety ladder. In this bathroom, there appeared to be no window; no way of letting in the blackish light from outside. Remus felt along the walls and yet he could not find the light switch. Damn it, he thought, as he realised he had left his wand upstairs. But even as he thought it, a shimmering, pale blue light began to very gradually melt through the blackness, and Remus started as he saw Sirius sitting cross-legged in the bathtub.

“I didn’t know you were so good at non-verbal magic,� Remus said, finding the light switch in the blue light and turning it on.

Sirius shrugged and lowered his wand. “I’ve been practising.�

Remus nodded and moved to the sink, turning the taps and filling the basin with warm water. The nausea had left him but he still felt cold, and his stomach seemed to be gripped with the words James had spoken. His reflection seemed haggard in the mirror; his eyes were circled with black as if the fatigue of the flight here had only just hit him. Behind him, Remus watched as Sirius tilted his head back, pressing it against the white tiles as he began solemnly, “I couldn’t sleep…not after all that stuff James said…�

“Me neither,� Remus said, turning to face his friend.

Sirius smiled and shrugged, exhaling deeply before he looked down into the bath in which he was sitting. “What do you think, Moony? Do you think I…� Sirius stopped, his smile disappearing as he began to idly trace patterns in the enamel with the tip of his wand. Remus said nothing, waiting for Sirius to continue; waiting for him to say something to him after what felt like months of silence. Sirius suddenly looked up, the false smile returning as he said quickly, “I know James was pissed and that he probably won’t remember half of what he said in the morning, but I just didn’t like hearing all that.�

Remus turned away and plunged his hands into the warm water, splashing his face and running his wet hands through his hair. Beads of water ran down the back of his neck as he repeated this action before pulling the plug and, after grabbing the towel from the rail, he turned to dry his face just in time to see what looked like tears being wiped away from Sirius’ face.

“I know I might not be good with saying what I mean but it’s not because I don’t feel, Remus, you’ve got to understand that. I know I can be an insensitive git sometimes, but it’s not because I don’t understand.� Remus nodded, finding it impossible to tell whether or not, in the brief moments it had taken to wash his face, Sirius had, indeed, been crying. He, of course, would never ask, and Sirius would never tell. “And I do love…� Sirius’ voice had lost some of the forced assurance of before as he continued, “I love Peter and James. I love James more than any member of my sodding family. And I love…� Remus had frozen by the wash basin, the towel still in his hand as he watched Sirius struggle with the words. Sirius had looked up as he had broken his speech and was now looking at Remus as if he couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted to. He blushed, laughing with an air of false confidence that told Remus that he was not going to say what he had originally intended to. “I love all of you and I would do anything for any one of you. I just…I’m just not good at…�

“I know,� Remus said, smiling reassuringly. Sirius sighed, his hands flopping over the sides of the tub; he seemed to be thinking to himself.

“I know what James said about me is true,� Remus began, uncertain as to whether or not Sirius would want to hear what he had to say. Yet Sirius did not move and did not mock, so, taking this as a cue to carry on, Remus replaced the towel before continuing, “I know I’ll never be happy…not really happy, Padfoot, not as happy as I’d want to be. It’s just not an option for me.�

Sirius scoffed, although not unkindly, and Remus looked down at the cold bathroom floor and said, “It’s alright though, it really is. I’m used to the idea by now. I listen to James go on about Lily and I’m not jealous, really I’m not. I don’t even want that…really…� Remus’ voice faltered as he spoke the lie. If Sirius looked up, he would see in Remus’ face that it was all untrue. Yet Sirius did not move; he was listening, really listening, for once. “Besides, I don’t think I really have it in me to be that close to anyone. It’s not something I’ve had a lot of practice at.�

“That’s complete and utter bollocks, Moony, and you know it is.� Sirius had now stepped out of the bath and was sitting on the side of it, his voice shaking with anger. “You’re someone who understands other people, you get it…you just seem to think you don’t. I think that you have it in you to be just as happy as James or as anyone, but it’s like James said, you’re just scared. But you shouldn’t be, Remus, you really shouldn’t, because - if you can find three boys at Hogwarts who can see past your furry little problem, then I’m sure that there’s a girl out there that can too.�

“Is that what you really think?� Remus could hardly believe what Sirius was saying, and yet it had to be true. Sirius stood and closed the distance between them, his voice impatient as he replied, “Of course that’s what I think, Moony. Don’t I always tell you what I think?�

“No…not always…� the words had passed his lips before he even had time to consider them and now, Sirius was studying Remus’ face closely, almost as if he expected more words to come. Remus remained silent, gagged by the fact that he hadn’t really understood what he had said himself. After what seemed like forever, Sirius took a step back and, after giving a casual smirk, he reached down to take Remus’ hand. Remus’ heart seemed to thud in his ears as he felt Sirius’ fingertips, rough from the hours of Quidditch practice, brush gently against his own. It was odd, it was almost too brisk, and as Sirius raised their hands, twisting Remus’ in his own, Remus found himself suddenly reminded of the way he had felt with Eleanor’s hand in his. Then, the gesture had been hurried and guilty, whereas this gesture felt slow and strangely intimate; the repeat of a gesture that had happened many times before. Sirius read the time and dropped Remus’ hand and, automatically, Remus wiped his hand on the side of his leg as if to rid himself of the uncomfortable, prickling sensation he felt.

Completely oblivious, Sirius laughed, tossing his head back and saying, “So much for some wild New Year’s Eve.� The laughter stopped and Sirius moved to the door, twisting the handle and pulling it partially open as if to walk out. Yet something stopped him and as he turned back around, Remus saw for the first time in months a smile of genuine affection as Sirius said, “Happy New Year, Moony,� before closing the door behind him. Remus looked down at his watch. It was 12.01am.

If Remus had known it was going to be this cold then maybe, just maybe, he would not have agreed to James’ suggestion that they all go outside to play a friendly game of catch. Considering the amount of Firewhiskey he had consumed the night before it seemed that James was simply not the kind of person to suffer from a hangover. He had bounded across the room and shaken Peter - who had slept on long after the other Marauders had woken – awake. James had nearly knocked Sirius’ bowl of cereal out of his hands (a bowl of cereal that Remus had persuaded Sirius to eat, trying to convince him that it would be a much healthier breakfast than the Chocolate Frog he had intended to have) as he woke Peter up, telling him that if he didn’t get a bloody move on then they’d go and play without him. So it was that Remus Lupin was now high on his broomstick, a good few miles away from the Potters’ house, his eyes searching the skyline for the outline of his friends.


“Moony, I’m over here!� James’ voice could just about be heard and Remus turned to see his friend hurtling towards him, Quaffle in hand. A friendly game of catch had quickly turned into an aggressive game of Quidditch; James and Remus on one side, and Sirius and Peter on the other. Sirius was close behind James, and just a little bit above him, in an attempt to intercept the Quaffle when James threw it to Remus. Peter seemed to be miles behind and as they grew nearer, Remus could hear Sirius yelling at Peter to get his bloody arse in gear.

James threw the Quaffle and, rather miraculously, Remus somehow managed to catch it, stretching up and wobbling precariously on his broom. Yet the moment he had it in his hands Remus wanted nothing more than to rid himself of the ball. He hesitated, hearing that a short way behind him James and Sirius were approaching fast.

“Move, Moony, for god’s sake!� James yelled and suddenly Remus sprung into action. Bending low over his broom Remus flew as fast as he could, all the while juggling the Quaffle in his arms, looking back to see when James would overtake. Remus lurched forward as he felt another broomstick slam into the back of his and, glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Sirius was almost upon him. They were reaching the line of trees that they had decided would act as one end of the pitch; James had charmed one of the branches to grow and twist round in the form a goalpost.

But before Remus could aim, Sirius once again knocked violently into his back, causing his broom to lurch and the Quaffle to slip out of his hands. Sirius caught it with a confident smile before twisting his broomstick round to race back up to the other end of the field. James had caught up to where Remus was now hovering and, short of breath, he managed to say, “Don’t worry, you did alright. Besides, he’ll have to pass it to Peter at some point, and then we’ll take our chance. We decided on at least three passes before goal, remember?�

Remus did remember, and now he followed James as he flew up the field, rapidly closing the distance between themselves and Sirius and Peter. Sirius seemed reluctant to pass and yet he had no choice. James was far too close behind him now and they were too near to the goal. Reluctantly, he called Peter’s name and threw and, to the astonishment of all the other Marauders, Peter caught the Quaffle and held it tightly in his arms, unwilling to let go. But Sirius was shouting again and both Remus and James were closing in, and Remus saw Peter, after mumbling something under his breath, throw the Quaffle towards the goal. It went in and Sirius cheered - but this cheer soon disappeared as the Quaffle continued to zip through the air and out of sight.

“You cheat, Wormtail!� James yelled before flying off in the direction of the Quaffle, his attention fixed on its movement. Peter shrugged and tried to laugh it off but Sirius was already flying off after James and, after a moment hovering beside him, Remus said, “Come on, let’s go find it.�
I
t had snowed during the night and the countryside that seemed to flit by below them was blanketed in white. Remus flew high to avoid being seen as he struggled to keep the moving shape of Sirius in sight. Peter was moving more slowly, unable to keep up - although whether this was truly a mater of speed, or one of fear, Remus couldn’t tell. They passed over farms with fields full of shivering sheep, their black faces standing out against the white of their fleeces and of the snow. We must be miles away from the Potters house now, Remus thought to himself, glancing back briefly to make sure that Peter was still following.

Suddenly, a long way in front of them, the shape of Sirius pulled up and began to fly downwards. Remus followed, indicating that Peter should do the same, and as they drew closer to the ground, Remus saw that Sirius had alighted just outside a churchyard and was now running towards James, who was, it appeared, lying motionless on the floor.

From the moment Remus’ feet touched the ground he was running, following the imprints of Sirius’ feet in the snow through the churchyard.

“Remus, help me!� Sirius shouted as Remus skidded to his knees where James was sitting, shivering and wet, in the snow, his nose pouring with blood.

“What happened? Did you see what happened?� Remus asked as his fingers tenderly began to explore James’ face to ascertain the extent of the hurt. James winced and pounded his fists into the snow.

“He nearly caught it - the Quaffle - when it suddenly…the charm must have worn off, and it flung back and hit him right on the nose. Then I see him slip off his broom and start to fall…I think he’s alright apart from that…�

“Well, when you have a broken nose, I’ll remember to be as sympathetic as you,� James said, before howling in pain. His glasses were bent; the glass of one of the lenses had shattered completely, and now only a few fragments remained. Remus pulled out his wand and said, “Just hold still, Prongs, and I’ll fix this.� James stopped writhing and, carefully aiming his wand at James’ nose, Remus said “Episkey�, and James’ nose was healed.

James felt his nose gingerly and grinned. It was obvious that it didn’t hurt anymore. Yet his smile seemed to disappear as he looked down at the snow, the snow, which seemed to be covered with his blood. After staring fixedly down at the ground for a moment, James attempted to stand. Sirius helped him to his feet and for the first time, James saw where it was he had fallen.

“Bit of a depressing place this, isn’t it?� James said, taking his handkerchief and wiping away the rest of the blood from his face. Sirius looked around at headstones that seemed to burst out from the snowy ground and shivered.

“What do you think, Moony? Probably best if James sits for a bit, right?� Remus noted the concern in Sirius’ voice and he nodded. “Let’s go inside the church. It will be a little bit warmer there.�

The church seemed abandoned; the doors were locked tight to the cold outside. But with a quick whisper of "Alohomora", the three of them were inside, dusting the powdery snow from their clothes. Peter had yet to appear, and Remus hadn’t had the time to check whether or not he had followed him as he had descended to help James. No doubt he was around here somewhere; sulking because his attempt to cheat hadn’t worked, or afraid that James had been seriously hurt. No matter, Remus thought as he, Sirius and James shuffled their way through the echoing church; James would be alright.

Yet as Remus turned to look at James, who had slumped down by Sirius in one of the pews, he was shocked to see that his friend was pale and shivering, his eyes fixed on the large, stained-glass window above the altar. Remus turned to look and saw what it was that seemed to be upsetting him; interwoven into the familiar biblical scenes, Remus could clearly make out the image of a golden Griffin, set against a backdrop of bright, scarlet glass. Odd, thought Remus, as a shiver ran through him. He didn't see why it should affect James so badly.

Remus turned to Sirius, who was pointing out the gargoyles that lined the stonework above. Every single one of them was, or looked extremely like, a Griffin. It was then that Remus noticed the colours of the cushions in the pew in which they were sat; red and gold, the same red and gold they had all come to associate with their own house.

“What’s going on?� James stammered, his teeth chattering as he once again nervously sought the handkerchief he had stuffed into his pocket. “Where are we?� Sirius moved first, rushing over to what appeared to be a copy of the Bible, lying closed on the altar.

“Do you really think you should be doing that?� Remus asked as he watched Sirius violently turn to the inside cover. Sirius’ face fell and, as he walked back towards them with the book held open so they could see the words there, Remus felt a strange chill come over him: ‘Property of the parish of Godric’s Hollow.’

Silence had descended in the church and Remus even imagined he could hear the sound of the snow that had once again begun to fall, slowly pelting the stained glass. He had sat down in the pew beside James and now both of them were re-reading the words on the inside cover of the Bible Sirius was holding: ‘Property of the parish of Godric’s Hollow.’ It was James who spoke first, his eyes not moving from the open page as he whispered, “Wh…what does that mean, do you think?�

Sirius slammed the Bible shut impatiently, tossing his head back and sending his hair flying back over his shoulders as he replied, “Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything…it’s a coincidence…�

Although Sirius had taken the Bible away, James was still staring. The blood that he had not managed to wipe away had dried on his face, making his skin appear muddy and brown. “We must have flown further than we thought…Godric’s Hollow is miles away from my house…it’s right over on the opposite side of the valley.�

Remus shivered as James spoke, unable to tear his eyes away from the Griffins that seemed to be everywhere in the church: in the stained glass, in the gold and scarlet cloth that was draped over the altar, carved into the back of the very pews they were sitting in. Even Remus had to admit that as far as coincidences went, he was not used to encountering so many emblems of their house outside of Hogwarts. Sirius, however, seemed to have grown more agitated and was now pacing along the aisle, his shoes scuffing nosily on the marble floor. Finally, he placed the Bible down on the pew in front of them and said, “Look, it’s not exactly Peter’s fault we ended up here, is it? I mean, it’s just one of those things that happen from time to time. We’re just not…not used to seeing anything like this, are we?�

“B…but surely, it must mean something though – right, Padfoot?� James was anxiously looking about himself, his bloody appearance made him appear even more frightened in the multi-coloured light that came through the stained glass.
Sirius growled softly before snapping, “Bloody hell, Prongs, if you keep this up we’ll have to commit you to St. Mungo’s…Remus -� Sirius turned to Remus, his face imploring him to agree as he continued, “Can you please explain to James that he’s simply taken one too many blows to the head?�

Remus shrugged and pulled the sleeves of his jacket down in attempt to cover his freezing hands as he replied tentatively, “I don’t know what to say…I mean…I’ve never heard of a Godric’s Hollow before, but I know it’s not unusual for there to be instances where the wizarding world and the Muggle world sort of overlap. But even I have to say it’s a little odd for it to be as…obvious as this…�

Sirius exhaled deeply, frustrated that Remus had not given the response that he had wanted and, after glowering at him for a moment, he threw his hands up in the air and said, “What are you saying, then? That Peter deliberately set this whole thing up to freak us out…�

“No…I’m not saying that at all…� James sounded tired, yet his voice was tinged with anger and he shifted in his seat beside Remus, almost as if he wanted to stand, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it just yet. “All I’m saying is…well, don’t you find it a bit strange? And I’m not just talking about the Griffins and stuff, although that is pretty weird. I mean…doesn’t it just feel weird here to you?�

Inwardly, Remus agreed. From the moment he had run into the churchyard, Remus had felt as though his feet were not moving of his own accord, that he was pulled by some invisible force to where James was lying on the ground. Of course, it was preposterous to think that Peter’s charm had anything to do with it, but when Remus had rushed over to see James sitting on the ground between two ominous looking tombstones, hand to his nose and blood spilt on the snow around him, he had got the feeling that somehow, something had led them here…something other than the Quaffle.

Sirius gave a short, sharp laugh as he flopped down in the pew in front of them with the words, “Oh, come on! Look, you just took a pretty nasty blow to the head, no wonder you’re freaking out. I mean, it’s like you said, you knew that there was this Godric’s Hollow not far from where you lived, and yet you’re surprised that we should end up here? I never took you for a fatalist, Prongs…I thought you hated Divination.�

Sirius had expected James to laugh, but it was almost as if he hadn’t heard what Sirius had said. James was shaking - not shivering from the cold and the wet, but shaking so violently that Remus automatically put his arm around his shoulder and pulled him close into his side. It was as though James wasn’t there, though; it was almost as if James could not feel Remus’ arm about him at all. Remus looked to Sirius, who was already moving from his seat to James’ other side.

“Come on, Prongs, I was just having a laugh…� James said nothing; his teeth were chattering hard now, and his pupils seemed to have trebled in size.

“James…James, can you hear me?� Remus tightened his hold around James’ shoulder, lightly shaking him, yet still James stared fixedly ahead.

“What’s wrong with him?� Sirius asked, bending forwards in an attempt to catch James’ eye.

Remus was watching the last of the colour drain from James’ face, feeling the way he continued to tremble between them as he said, “I don’t know. James, it’s Moony, can you hear me? It’s Moony…�

James turned and for a moment he looked at Remus as if he didn’t know him; as if he was someone he had never met in his life, rather than someone he had known for five years. James turned to Sirius, and Remus watched as Sirius tried to smile.

“It’s Padfoot…it’s Sirius…come on, mate, you’re scaring us now…� It seemed that those words were what it took for James to stop shaking, and the colour once again seeped into his cheeks as he began breathing more steadily, more slowly.

After sitting for a few moments in silence, reassured by the now virtually motionless James beside them, Remus reached into his pocket and handed James the squares of chocolate he kept there with the words, “Eat this; I promise, it will make you feel better.�

Reluctantly James popped the chocolate into his mouth and as he chewed, Sirius slapped him a little too hard on the back and said, “Bloody hell, Prongs, you had us there…what was wrong?�

James swallowed and, after looking down at the floor in front of him, he began to speak very quietly. “I don’t know, but I started to feel odd, you know? Something about this place makes me feel strange. It’s almost as if…� James hesitated, but Remus gave him a quick squeeze and Sirius placed a hand reassuringly on his knee so that, after a few more moments of staring at the floor, James looked up and continued, “I got the strangest feeling that I’m going to come back here…like, sort of…whatever I do I’m going to come back: like I can’t escape it.�

None of them spoke. James seemed unable to say anything else as he nervously wiped his nose on his sleeve. Sirius was still staring at James’ face, his grey eyes wide with concern as he patted James’ knee again and again. Remus allowed his arm to slip from James’ shoulder and he shifted awkwardly, consumed with a sudden desire to leave this church immediately. It seemed that all it once, it was too quiet. Whereas it had been freezing cold outside, there seemed to be something about all this red and gold that made Remus feel as though it was impossible to breathe.

Yet the tension in the church seemed to break as the large, oak door they had come through suddenly opened, sending a blast of cold air rushing up the aisle. Peter stood in the doorway, his broom in hand as he smiled nervously at his three friends.

James stood and, after gazing at the Bible that Sirius had left on the pew in front for a moment, he muttered, “I want to get out of here.� Sirius stood up beside him and nodded to Remus, and both of them began to try and help James towards the door. He didn’t want their help, and when they offered their arms he pushed them away. Remus was the last to leave. He wanted to glance behind them, to see the strange sight of emblems of Godric Gryffindor carefully hidden within everything in the church one last time. But as they were leaving Sirius grabbed his arm, preventing him from turning, and with his free hand he reached behind Remus and slammed the church door closed.

Maybe it is all just a terrible dream; Remus sometimes thinks this when all that has happened to him, to all of the Marauders, becomes almost too much to believe. Sometimes Remus likes to think that the last fifteen years are just a dream, and in the morning he will wake in the Gryffindor dormitory and he will already be able to hear the voices of his friends. If only he could seriously believe that he now thinks to himself as, with a quick flick of his wand, he ignites the lamp on the bedside table. If only Remus Lupin had an imagination great enough to truly believe that Peter had not been the one that had betrayed them all; that all that messy business was just a mistake. If only he could convince himself that Lily and James had not been murdered by Voldemort and that, any minute now, they would walk in through the front door with Harry beside them. If Remus had ever been a successful fantasist then, as he stood in this room, he would be able to make himself genuinely believe that Sirius was not dead and that in a few moments he would burst through the door behind him and demand to know what Remus was doing in his room. Yet these feelings are only fancies and as Remus looks around the room that once belonged to his friend,he knows, perhaps for the first time, that there is no turning back the clock; there is no way to go back. James and Lily and Sirius are lost to him now, and there is no way to change that.

He moves to sit on the bed, stumbling forwards before he feels the ancient mattress sag beneath his weight. There is nothing very personal about this room. It is, in many ways, just like any of the other now deserted bedrooms in Grimmauld Place. Yet somehow, to Remus, it feels so different…it feels like so much more and as he looks around he now sees that even though there are no photos, no personal affects, the memory of his friend is in everything. There is a clock on the bedside table that has wound down, its arms frozen in time. It would be just like Sirius to forget to wind it; perhaps the ticking annoyed him? Beside the clock there is a mug, long drained of its contents and it is now that Remus indulges in fantasy and imagines Sirius taking a sip of tea that has long since gone cold, before vanishing the remains with his wand. The lamp, with its multicoloured glass shade, has not seen a duster for years and Remus smiles as he pictures Sirius shouting expletives when he finds Kreacher attempting to clean.

This room has no portraits or wall hangings; Sirius stripped them down when he returned with the Order and, despite the dust and cobwebs, the room seems unnaturally sterile in the weak lamplight. An ancient gilt mirror is lopsided on the wall above a dormant fireplace, and Remus eventually finds it within himself to move and straighten it. As he is adjusting its position,his eyes become fixed on the reflection of the room behind him. For in this mirror he is not alone; over his shoulder, he can clearly see Sirius lounging idly on the bed, the sheets kicked to the floor as he grins mischievously in Remus’ direction. Remus swallows hard and blinks, yet the reflection is still there, and though it seems absurd he says, “Y…you’re dead…�

Sirius laughs. The laughter breaks the stillness of the room and even though it causes Remus to shiver, he cannot tear his eyes from the image in the glass.

“It was a joke, Moony…it was always a joke. Frightened you, did I?� Remus nods, his appearance seems all the more drained and grey in the tarnished mirror. Sirius laughs again and begins to slowly shuffle forwards on the bed. The reflection is moving closer. Remus blinks again and yet Sirius is still sitting there, his eyes now clearly visible in the half-light of the room. Sirius smiles and shrugs flippantly before saying, “Come on, Moony, do you really think I’d go like that?�

Remus smiles and turns, half hopeful, half disbelieving, and the room is empty, just as he knew it would be. Sirius does not sit on the bed before him. He is not there to tell him it was all just some terrible dream or a bad taste joke. There are no photos on the walls. The room Remus Lupin is standing in is empty.

There had only been a week to spare between the time Remus had left the Potters and the day he had to return to Hogwarts for the start of the Spring Term. There had been no time for writing and it was only as he packed his things did Remus remember the piece of parchment with Eleanor’s address. In truth, he had forgotten all about it; some how, what had happened to the Marauders in Godric’s Hollow seemed to be all that Remus had had the time to worry about. They hadn’t spoken of it since. They had returned back to the house to be met by James’ parents, and a million questions about what they had been up to; and why there happened to be an empty bottle of Fire whiskey hidden behind the waste paper basket in the attic room. They seemed to be ignoring it and, if Remus was honest, he was more than happy to forget. James had been right; there had been something eerie about the church and the churchyard. A strange sense of stillness seemed to cover the place, as if being there had disturbed something very important, something which they were not quite ready to know about.

It had not just been the strangeness of encountering a place so connected with Godric Gryffindor that had left Remus feeling more than a little unsettled. In the week before his return to Hogwarts, Remus had had the same dream over and over. Every night he would wake shivering with cold. Every night he had seen in his mind James sitting on the snowy ground between the large, foreboding tombstones, the snow splattered with blood. James would be clasping his nose, just as he had done when he had fallen, yet when Remus approached James would move his hand and mouth the words Help me.

They would not speak of it again. Remus would not tell the others about his dream. James had been shaken enough without Remus worrying him more. In fact, as Remus now pulled his trunk up the grand staircase towards the seventh floor, he felt guilty that he hadn’t bothered to write to James and ask him if he was okay.

“Building up those muscles, Moony?� a voice called from above, and as the staircase swung to change Remus saw that Sirius was running towards him.

Remus straightened up, dumping the trunk by his side and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand before he said, “Oh you know me; I adore exercise.� Sirius raised an eyebrow before nodding in the direction of the trunk. With Remus taking one side and Sirius taking the other they steadily began to climb and Remus was little embarrassed about just how much easier the aid of Sirius made it. Remus was not weak. He was by no means unfit or unhealthy, yet compared to James and Sirius (who seemed to spend every spare moment on the Quidditch pitch) he fell a little short. Of course, physically both Sirius and James were stronger, yet when it came to a dual Remus was quietly confident that it would be a little close to call.

“So how are we Mister Lupin?� Sirius asked, putting the trunk on its side and resting against it as he waited for the staircase to change. “Ready for another exciting term?�

Remus took a deep breath as he thought for a moment of what another term at Hogwarts could bring. He shrugged as they moved to lift the case once more with the words, “I’m not looking forward to the amount of work we’ll have to do, if that’s what you mean. Did you hear what McGonagall was saying before the break?� Sirius scoffed.

“I don’t know why you should be worried. You know, and I know, that you’ll do fine in your NEWT’s. You won’t even have to really try…�

“I just think that…well I’ve been thinking…� They had finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and Remus had stopped and was now struggling to steady his breath. “I just don’t know what I’m going to do with it all…I mean after.�

Sirius blinked and Remus knew what was coming next.

“Why worry about all that now? We’ve got so much time to think about that…� Remus was about to interrupt; to point out that even though Sirius may not have been worried about what was going to happen after they all finished Hogwarts, but Remus could not stop thinking about it. It would be easier for the other Marauders to find employment; even Peter, who was not the most astute of students, would not have any real trouble finding work. For Remus, on the other hand, it would be virtually impossible. James could work at the Ministry - become an Auror just as he always claimed he wanted to. Yet Remus knew it would be difficult for him to find anyone that would be willing to employ a werewolf. These thoughts were interrupted however when Sirius suddenly turned to him and said, “Have you got the new password yet?�

Remus shook his head and Sirius winced before he glanced hopefully up at The Fat Lady.

“You look different this term,� Sirius began every word oozing charm as he leant against the wall and smiled up at the portrait. The Fat Lady, who had been engaged in adjusting her elaborate headdress, suddenly seemed to notice Sirius below and now her eyes were fixed on him. Sirius smiled and Remus watched as his grey eyes travelled the length of her painted body before he said, “Have you lost weight?�

Maybe it was a trick of the light but Remus was almost certain that The Fat Lady blushed.

“Well I…� She giggled and Remus had to try extremely hard to suppress his own laughter. “Well maybe…I think so.�

“It definitely shows…� Sirius paused and Remus watched as he leant conspiratorially towards the portrait, his eyes fixed on The Fat Lady’s blushing face. Although Remus had seen this sort of behaviour a hundreds time before, it never failed to impress him. It was not as if Sirius made a habit of this sort of thing; usually there was no one he felt was really worth the effort. But occasionally there would be times when he would be bored, or when he felt he needed to impress and then, it would be fair to say, that no-one could flirt like Sirius. It was fascinating to watch sometimes; the little things he would do in order to get his own way; the affect the smallest of gestures could have. Now Sirius was staring intently into The Fat Lady’s small, blinking eyes and, in a voice barely above a gruff whisper, he began, “Do you think that you could find it in yourself to give us a break and let us know the password?�

The Fat Lady’s smile faltered and for a moment Remus thought that maybe Sirius was loosing his touch. Yet Sirius seemed unconcerned as he swayed ever closer to the portrait, his fingertips slowly caressing the frame.

“I know…I know that technically it’s not the done thing but couldn’t you make an exception this once?� The Fat Lady’s smile was returning; was Sirius going to persuade her? It certainly appeared so and Sirius was smiling too now; the kind of smile it was impossible to say no to. “Besides you know us…� Sirius waved his arm in the direction of Remus. “You know Remus, he’s a prefect….�

“Don’t you dare get me involved Padfoot,� Remus muttered under his breath, unable to meet his friend’s eyes for fear of laughing and breaking the spell of the flirt.

Sirius ignored him and once again turned his attention to the portrait.“Come on…what harm would it do?�

The Fat Lady began to giggle, her podgy hands smoothing down the front of her silk dress as she leant down to Sirius. Sirius stood on tiptoes to hear what was being whispered and, after winking to Remus, he said, “Flippity Gibbet.�

The minute they were inside Remus began to laugh, his side of the trunk slipping from his grasp as he wheezed uncontrollably.

“Sometimes you amaze me…� Remus managed, eventually suppressing his laughter long enough to speak.

Sirius bowed and, on straightening up, he said, “Like I’ve said before Moony, you’ll never understand what it’s like to be so impossibly handsome…�

“Well I suppose you must find it hard,� Remus began, his eyes carefully studying Sirius’ face, awaiting the reaction to what he was about to say. “I mean, not all of us could attract the particular attentions of The Fat Lady…�

Sirius scowled yet before he could reach for his wand and retaliate with a hex, Professor McGonagall had appeared, and was now preventing Sirius from moving by placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I hope for your sake Mister Black that you were not intending to break the rules already.� Her voice, although serene, masked a threat of many a detention and Sirius smiled as he withdrew his hand from his robes.

“Of course not Professor; I have every intention of doing Gryffindor proud this term.�

McGonagall stepped away, her perceptive eyes moving between the two boys before she replied, “Yes, well, I have no doubt that with the right sort of guidance you have the potential to go far.� McGonagall smiled at Remus and Sirius, catching this look, flung his arm around Remus and pulled him tightly into his side.

“Well you know Remus, he’s such a sweetie…� Remus tried to wriggle free, yet Sirius only tightened his arm around Remus’ waist, making it impossible for him to move. “He never lets us boys put a foot wrong.�

McGonagall, slightly confused, nodded before swiftly turning her attention to a group of third year girls who had stopped to chat in the portrait hole, causing chaos outside. The moment she had passed Remus pushed Sirius from him, and he nervously straightened his robes before he said, “You’re an idiot sometimes Padfoot.�

Sirius was laughing and dragging Remus’ trunk across the common room; not caring as he knocked into to furniture or the ankles of other Gryffindor students. There seemed little point in reasoning when Sirius was like this and as they reached the bottom of the staircase, which wound its way up to the boy’s dormitory, Sirius stopped before saying, “As you said before Moony, we’ve not got that long left. And I intend to make every day count.�

Peter had tied a sheet about his shoulders to look like a toga and he was now strutting towards James, pouting. James was grinning as he swaggered forwards, his hands resting on his hips as he walked. Remus could almost not see through his tears as he continued to laugh hysterically. Every now and again he would pause to look at Sirius’ face. Remus could tell that Sirius was trying not to be amused; he was making every effort to exude offence. Yet the humour could not be lost to him, he would not be able to remain serious for long, as Peter suddenly took a deep breath, and began in a scarily high pitch, “Oh Sirius, my darling, I can’t keep our love a secret no longer. Tell me that it has all been worth it. Say that you will be mine.�

James’ cheeks were full with the laughter he was trying so hard to suppress. He shook his head to rid himself of it and, after staring down at the floor for a moment or two, he raised his head and replied in a deep voice, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you’re just not my type.�

Peter raised a hand to his forehead and, leaning back in a mock swoon, his voice reached a whole new level of pitch as he said, “But my love, the promises you made me? How can you just forget all the things we have shared?�

Remus clutched the sheet beneath him in an attempt to stop laughing, yet the tears were falling fast now. His stomach ached as he watched James shrug nonchalantly before, turning, he swaggered off to the opposite side of the room. The performance had ended and Remus clapped as James flung himself back on his bed, finally succumbing to the hysterics of the act.

Sirius was still not laughing and, after he watched his friends laugh at his expense, he finally scoffed and hurled a pillow at James with the words, “When would I ever call anyone sweetheart?�

James sat up, cleaning his glasses on his jumper, laughter still clinging to his words as he said, “That was artistic license. If you will insist on chatting up The Fat Lady…�

Sirius scowled and threw his other cushion at Remus, which he skilfully dodged. “I wasn’t chatting her up; I was just trying to get her to tell us the password…�

“That’s what he says now…� Remus couldn’t help but add and he was in little doubt that if Sirius had another cushion to throw, it would have been heading his way. “But you should have seen them together back in the corridor.�

James continued to chuckle on the opposite side of the room as he unlocked his trunk and finally begun to unpack. They had been back for almost an hour and half, and so far the most any of them had achieved was hanging up their robes on the peg by the door. Remus was laughing to himself as he unlaced his shoes, replaying the more comical moments of James and Peter’s act in his head, before he dumped his shoes down by his bed. There had been no way Sirius was going to get away from this; it had been too impossibly funny to ignore. The hilarity of the situation seemed to have subsided slightly, however, as each of them turned their attention to the task of unpacking. Remus carefully piled the textbooks he had taken home to study on the end of the bed, his attention caught by a square of parchment that had lain buried beneath them. He had barely glanced at it and yet he already knew what it was; he recognised the tiny, cramped handwriting of the hurried address.

“Did you write?� Sirius’ voice caused Remus to jump; he hadn’t realised he had been staring so intently at the parchment. There was none of the bitterness in the question that Remus had learnt to expect, and he was somewhat confused by the way that Sirius simply carried on stuffing his clothes in the drawers.

“No I forgot…� Remus mumbled, placing the parchment inside his copy of Bamboozling the Boggart Within before he quickly snapped it closed.

Sirius shrugged, his eyes fixed determinedly on the last pair of socks he was now attempting to shove in the drawer, and said, “You shouldn’t leave it too long. She might loose interest, and then where would you be?�

Remus could say nothing and, after finally managing to push the bursting drawer closed, Sirius flashed him a quick smile before crossing the room to retrieve something from the pockets of his robe. Surely something more was to be said; Sirius had never offered anything in the way of words of friendly encouragement. He had not snapped back with sarcasm or insult. He had asked a simple question without malice, and Remus had been surprised at his calm reaction to the answer. Maybe what James had said over the holidays had really had an affect? Maybe Sirius was beginning to make an effort to understand.

All at once the door to the boy’s dormitory flung open and Lily Evans strode purposefully into the room. Sirius, who had returned to his robes to fetch his wand thought fast and, without even a moment’s hesitation, performed a quick charm to shrink the neck to the jumper James was in the process of pulling over his head so that it stuck fast. James panicked, tugging violently at the jumper that was now refusing to budge.

Sirius was laughing hard and Lily, ignoring both of them, walked over to where Remus was sitting and said, “I needed to speak to you. I thought you were going to meet me in the library at four?�

Remus shrugged; this was news to him. Lily, clearly noting that Remus seemed oblivious to the arrangements that he had supposedly agreed to, looked to James who had given up trying to yank the jumper free and was now standing shivering, his hands wrapped round his naked torso.

“Alright Evans?� he said as Sirius continued to laugh. Lily simply rolled her eyes before turning her attention to Remus once more.

“I wrote…I sent an owl this morning. Didn’t you get it?� Remus shook his head; he had left early that morning and he supposed that his parents would have forwarded on any post that he had received.

Lily sighed and pushed her hair from her face, shifting awkwardly on her feet. This was not the cool, calm Lily Evans they all knew. She seemed somewhat more vulnerable than usual; her shirt had become un-tucked at the back and one grey sock had slipped down to her ankle. Clarely, something was clearly wrong.

“What is it? Was it important?� Remus asked and for a moment Lily looked as if she was going to speak. Her lips froze and she flicked her head in the direction of James and Sirius before she said, “I don’t want to do this with them here.�

“Oh come on Evans,� Sirius began, returning to his own bed, his eyes fixed on her. “No secrets amongst friends?�

Lily cast her eye to James, who had once again returned to struggling with his jumper. With an impatient wave of her wand the jumper loosened and with an almighty tug James managed to free himself. Sirius laughed but Lily’s face was stern as she said, “It’s really important.�

“Look Lily,� James began, pulling on a crumpled shirt that he had hurriedly retrieved from his case. Remus watched the way Lily crossed her arms across her chest, her head tilted to one side, her face fixed with an expression of utter disdain. “I know you think that Sirius and I can be utter prats…�

“Well I’m glad you finally figured that one out.� Across the room, Sirius winced at this scathing remark. Remus half expected James to desist, yet he continued to approach her undeterred.

“And I know you think that a pig-head like me couldn’t possibly ever take anything seriously…� She nodded but Remus noted a small smile that had begun to curl her lips. “But I swear whatever you tell us won’t go any further than this room.� From his bed in the corner, Peter began to nod. James moved his hand to perform the automatic gesture of ruffling his hair, yet he somehow stopped himself and said, “You can trust us.�

As he had moved towards her, Lily had moved back; her legs were now pinned against Remus’ bed. Remus watched the looks that passed between them and, after a moment of silence, Lily sighed dramatically before sitting on the bed next to Remus with the words, “Oh alright…� James smiled and Lily almost smiled too; a small sort of victory had been won. Yet before James let this smile go to his head Lily seemed to correct herself and, brandishing her wand, she threatened, “But I swear to you Potter, if I find out you’ve told anyone…�

James raised his hands above his head and Remus noticed for the first time that Sirius had left his own bed, and was now leaning over the end of Remus’ to better see what was happening.

“Alright I promise.�

Lily then turned so her wand was pointed at Sirius, who shrugged and said, “I promise too.�

Lily pocketed her wand and turned to Remus and, after taking a deep breath, she began tentatively, “It’s about Severus…�

Remus automatically looked to James who had started forward at the mention of that name, and was now somewhat restrained by Sirius’ hand about his arm. Lily looked round and saw the gesture and she could hardly contain her anger as she stood up to leave.

“I knew this would be a mistake. How can I ever tell you anything with them here?�

“No look, I’m sorry…�

James had moved in Lily’s direction, yet had come to a halt when she rounded hotly on him and snapped, “This is really serious and if you’re just going to be like this than I might as well not bother!�

“Don’t be like that…�

“This is bigger than any bloody childish rivalry!� Lily’s face was red; her hair seemed to shake as she struggled to steady her breathing. Her green eyes were fierce yet desperate and Remus saw the way she was trying, so desperately, to remain strong.

“Lily, just tell us,� Remus’ voice was soft with encouragement. “I promise they’ll shut up now…they won’t say another word. If it’s this important we might be able to help you…or even if you just need to talk…�

Lily laughed and yet she was still shaking; her eyes were fixed on James’ shoes. When she looked up it was as though she was close to tears and James started forward in a desperate attempt to offer some comfort. Lily raised her hand and he froze and, after taking a deep breath, her voice wavered slightly as she asked, “Have any of you heard of a wizard called Voldemort?�

Remus had done it without realising; whatever it was he had been expecting Lily to say, it was not even close to what she had asked. He hadn’t been able to help the way he had started, knocking the neat pile of textbooks onto the floor with an almighty thud. They all turned to look at him and he could feel their eyes upon him still as he made his apologies and sunk to his knees between the beds to gather the books to him. As he stood and placed the books on the bedside table, he tried desperately to avoid the eyes of the one person he knew for certain had heard that name before. He had no idea whether or not Sirius had told James what he had told Remus; he didn’t have a clue whether or not Sirius had intended to ever speak again about what had happened to him when he had returned to Grimmauld Place. Yet despite this, Remus was certain that Lily’s question could not go unanswered and, after a few minutes of no-one saying anything, Remus took a deep breath and prepared himself to speak.

“He used to be a student here…� Remus’ mouth snapped shut as Peter broke the silence.

Lily was staring intently at Peter, waiting for him to continue, but Sirius started forward, perhaps forgetting how much his friends knew, as he asked briskly, “How on earth do you know that?�

Peter paled and shrugged, and Lily, perhaps sensing that Sirius was maybe not best suited to asking the questions, took the opportunity to say, “Where did you hear that, Peter?�

Peter still did not reply; he seemed to be concentrating on the pattern on his blankets. Remus watched the way the corner of his mouth began to twitch as his mind processed all possible replies. Finally it seemed he had settled on response, and he managed an unconvincing smile as he stammered, “I just know…I mean…I heard it from somewhere…�

Sirius still seemed sceptical, his eyes remained fixed on Peter’s face as Remus spoke, trying to protect Peter from Sirius’ unpredictable temper.“I don’t understand what this has to do with Snape…�

Lily leant against one of the posts of Remus’ bed as she looked up at the ceiling of the room. Sirius had forgotten Peter’s comment and was now staring at Remus as he said through gritted teeth, “Don’t you?�

Lily looked down and Sirius seemed to suddenly realise the connotations of what he had just said and, in an attempt to avoid Lily’s questions, he turned his back on them both. He was not quick enough. Lily was no fool - she had heard what Sirius had said - and now she quickly moved to block Sirius’ path to his bed.

“I know you know something, Sirius.� Sirius said nothing as he attempted to move her out of his way. Lily stood firm as if her feet were rooted to the floor, and her voice was determined as she demanded, “You have to tell me!�

“I don’t have to tell you anything!� Sirius snapped, resigning himself to defeat and turning back to sit on Remus’ bed.

“But maybe…maybe she has a point…� James began tentatively. Sirius had obviously told him, too.

Sirius looked at James. “Don’t you dare take her side over mine.�

“It has nothing to do with taking sides!� Lily pulled her hair back and out of her face as she began to walk towards Remus’ bed. “This is about something much bigger and darker than anything any of us has ever known before. This isn’t just some petty divide between the pure-bloods and the half-bloods and the Muggle-borns…�

“Don’t you think I know that?� Sirius barked, looking to be making every effort to remain seated. “You don’t have to tell me how serious it is, I already know. It has everything to do with taking sides!�

“Well then, help me to understand what’s happening with Severus…� Lily’s voice had lost some of its fury and she had now crouched down, bringing herself to Sirius’ level on the bed. Sirius said nothing. No-one moved. Peter been quiet since his initial comment, and James seemed to have frozen in the middle of the room. Remus sat in silence, waiting for Sirius to speak.

“What is happening to Snape?�

Lily smiled and patted Sirius’ knee: a little gesture of thanks for the trust he was about to show. Lily stood up and crossed the room to sit on James’ bed, kicking off her shoes before pulling her knees up under her chin, finally noticing that one of her socks had slid down, and, as she pulled it up, beginning, “It’s odd, really…at first I thought I might have been imagining things…these little remarks he would sort of casually drop into conversation. I’m used to some of the things he says, but all of a sudden it seemed like…� Lily paused and indicated that James should sit, too. “It was almost as if his comments had more meaning, more purpose. He would be more specific in what he would say about power. It almost began to sound like he was making threats.�

Remus recalled the incident in the corridor at the beginning of the school year, and once again he heard Snape: you should really be more careful in choosing your targets from now on. Those who are powerless do not always remain so.’The confrontation had seemed so different to all the ones that had come before. Snape had never been a willing victim, but Remus had never known him to be quite so angry after a run-in with the Marauders. His eyes had grown black with a new kind of hatred; a hatred that was powerful and dangerous. And it seemed that James, too, had been reminded of the incident, as he suddenly said, “He threatened us that time. Do you remember? Back in the autumn term?�

“Are you sure you didn’t deserve it?� Lily retorted, quick as a flash. James smiled serenely in response. “No…you’re right…� Lily amended, and James looked shocked that she was agreeing with him. “He has been different; disappearing after Potions, not bothering to study with me when I’ve asked him to.� Remus noted the way James tensed with jealously at that but, somehow, managed to remain silent as Lily pressed on, “He disappears off for hours upon end and I can’t find him anywhere, no matter how I hard I look…�

“What do you mean, ‘disappears’?� Remus asked, intrigued. Lily seemed to be struggling with how best to answer this question as she said, “Well, I don’t know. But this is the thing I’m worried about. All these comments and veiled threats, and now him disappearing for hours on end; they can’t all be coincidence, can they?�

“The map!� Sirius suddenly cried without thinking, throwing his hands up in the air in inspiration. Sirius was smiling, but it disappeared as he turned and saw Remus staring at him, open-mouthed. The rest of the Marauders were staring, too; how could Sirius just forget that Lily was there and mention the map?

“What map do you mean?� Lily asked, but Sirius ignored her question entirely as he said to Remus, “Don’t you remember, before Christmas, what I said about Snape? I couldn’t find him anywhere and yet he had been there, on the seventh floor, the whole time?�

Remus could not speak; how was it that Sirius was still talking? But James suddenly seemed to understand what Sirius was saying. “I remember! But I don’t get what that has to do with…�

“Lily,� Sirius asked, eager and completely oblivious to what he might have revealed about himself and the group, “is there anything on the seventh floor that shouldn’t be there? What I mean is, is there anywhere there where Snape would want to go?�

It was then that Remus realised why Sirius had been unable to find Snape on the Marauder’s Map, and why it was that he had suddenly reappeared on the seventh floor. He knew, almost before Lily had answered the question, where it was that Snape was going to, and as she said the words, Remus cursed himself for not realising before. The Room of Requirement.

“But…� Lily was confused, shaking her head as if this would help her to better understand what was being said. “But what would Severus want to do in the Room of Requirement?�

Sirius was shifting excitedly on the bed beside Remus as all the pieces came together. Sirius had lost Snape on the map, and yet he had suddenly reappeared on the seventh floor. It now made perfect sense; Snape had been there on the seventh floor all along, but the Marauder’s Map didn’t show the Room of Requirement.

“When you first came in, you said…� Sirius paused and for a moment Remus didn’t expect him to continue. But whatever doubt he had been suffering under disappeared and, after a few seconds of silence, Sirius continued, “You asked us if we knew anything about Voldemort…� Lily shivered and avoided Sirius’ eyes. “But you never said what you knew…�

Sirius, of course, was right. Remus hadn’t even thought that for Lily to be asking these questions in the first place, she would have to know something about Voldemort herself. Before Sirius had returned from Grimmauld Place, Remus had never heard that name before, yet now it seemed as if everyone was familiar with this wizard. There had to be some connection between all the things that had been said and were happening; something that connected the Marauders with Lily, Lily with Snape, Sirius with the family that had now disowned him. It could be no accident that all these things had been happening alongside one another. There had to be some reasoning behind it. There had been whispers in the papers and glances in the corridors and now, as they sat together in the dormitory, it very slowly seemed to be making some kind of sense.

“He started mentioning him months ago; a little comment here and there – Severus, I mean. At first it didn’t happen very often and I thought that it was just…well…we’ve seen pure-blood fanatics come and go before, haven’t we?� Sirius nodded and Lily continued hesitantly, “But this Voldemort seems different somehow. It’s just the way he talks about him; it frightens me. It seems organised, planned, controlled. I don’t think this is just a case of being anti-Muggle-born. I know that can be…quite common…� Lily trailed off, the hurt still lingering in her eyes. Remus had witnessed, on more occasions than he cared to remember, malicious Slytherins calling “Mudblood� at Lily as she passed. Of course, Professor Dumbledore had always been hard on anything of that sort at Hogwarts, yet it always seemed to Remus that even though every step was taken to stop that sort of thing, there would always be those who ignored the rules.

Sirius was staring at nothing, his eyes drawn out of the window to the darkening sky outside. It felt as though they had been sitting talking for hours; forgotten were the jokes of earlier. Remus watched Sirius thinking, deciding what to say, how much to reveal. There was no doubt in Remus’ mind that Sirius was about to help Lily better understand what was happening to Snape, yet he would find it hard. Although Sirius had been disowned, he was proud and fiercely loyal by nature, and as Sirius watched the black outlines of birds flit against the purple sky in the moments before he spoke, Remus considered how difficult it would be to talk about this.

“I think we need to keep an eye on this from now on…I don’t mean just an eye on Snape and other over-enthusiastic Slytherins, I mean on everything.� Lily nodded in agreement. Sirius looked at the faces of his friends and suddenly it seemed to Remus that he was not looking at the boy he knew, but on a strange shadow of a man he was perhaps yet to know. His voice had lost all the joking optimism of this morning; the light seemed to have died in his eyes. “We have to start really reading the Daily Prophet; looking out for anything that refers to this Voldemort. And we have to listen out for any conversations that people are having that seem a little odd…�

“Don’t you think that the Ministry already have people to do all this, Sirius?� James asked. “Do you really think it should be something that we should be worrying about? Shouldn’t we just leave it all to someone else?�

“I think Sirius is right,� Remus said, more to his own surprise than that of anyone else. He had not expected to agree and yet what Sirius was saying seemed to make so much sense. They had all recognised what was slowly beginning to happen; the changes that were being made to the world that they were a part of. It affected them, affected all of them, and they had noticed what was going on. James still looked unsure as Remus continued, “Certain things have been happening that we can’t ignore. Perhaps there is already some division of the Ministry set up to deal with this Voldemort, but it wouldn’t do any harm to try and do our bit here, would it?�

James shrugged, still not persuaded, and Lily took her turn to try and convince him. She turned so she was directly facing him and, without thinking about the animosity that supposedly existed between them, she laid both of her hands on his knees as she said, “James, please understand that I wouldn’t have come here…I wouldn’t have told you any of this if I wasn’t worried about what was happening, if I didn’t think it was important. I don’t mind telling you, as much as you may use it against me in the future,� she added. James smiled. “I don’t mind admitting that I’m afraid. And it’s not just because I’m Muggle-born and I think it will just affect me personally. I know Severus and I’m telling you now that the man he’s turning into is not the person I know. It scares me, James, and if we don’t start trying to do something now, it will all get horribly out of hand.�

Remus knew that James was convinced - if not by what Lily was saying, by the love he had for her and the desire Remus now knew he felt to protect her from anything that scared her this much. He nodded and Lily thanked him with a smile. James turned to Sirius and Remus and said, “So, what should we do first?�

“I think that we should try and find out what Snape is doing in the Room of Requirement. When we know that, it might give us a better idea of how big this problem is getting.�

Lily agreed with Remus; nodding, she said, “I could try and find out if you like.�

“But wouldn’t it be best if we kept a watch on the seventh floor, too? Just to be safe?�

James was a little too worried and Lily noticed; her eyes narrowed with suspicion and she said, “Don’t think that all this makes you some sort of knight in shining armour…I still think you’re vile, Potter.� Remus smiled; like James, he did not believe a word Lily had just said.

“I’ll see if I can talk to my brother…� Remus thought he had imagined it, yet Sirius was still looking solemnly at them all; it seemed that he, more than any of them, wanted to find out what was going on.

Remus’ stomach had lurched when Sirius spoke, and now he was tentative as he said, “Are you sure you can do that?�

Sirius laughed shortly and gave an almost predatory smile as he said, “Who would know more about this whole bloody sordid business than that darling little brother of mine?�

Remus nodded and smiled to himself, noticing for the first time just how dark it had become. The fires had yet to be lit, and outside, the ground and air were already freezing. Looking over to Peter’s bed, Remus saw that Peter was not there; he must have left some time ago, while they were talking, and Remus hadn’t even heard him go. It seemed odd to Remus that a day that had started so light-heartedly should end on such a serious note - it was almost sad to lose the laughter of earlier and to gain this new sense of solemnity.

Yet all was not completely lost, it seemed; James could still be relied upon and in the silence that had descended between them, he suddenly turned to Lily and said, “Does this actually mean we’re becoming friends now, Evans?�

Lily looked first at James and then Sirius then, after flashing Remus a mischievous grin, she stretched her arms above her head and yawned before saying, “With friends like you lot, who needs enemies?�

Remus was running and the ground seemed to be slipping from beneath him. The powdery, white snow crunched and crumbled under his feet. He could hear James’ voice calling to him like a voice from a dream, and yet there seemed to be an endless amount of obstacles in his path. Great ominous gravestones seemed to appear wherever he chose to run, and yet when he stopped, or slowed to pass them, James’ voice grew more desperate with each cry. Remus’ heart was pounding, pumping blood to his limbs so he could run faster in order to reach James sooner. The ground was frozen beneath the snow and as he moved to speed up, his feet slipped and gravity brought him crashing to the ground. The snow was everywhere; in his shoes, in his trousers, in his lungs, and as he shook his head to rid his hair of it, snowdrifts seemed to appear in front of his eyes.

“Remus, help me!� James cried again, and Remus could tell that he was closer; closer to where he knew he would find James huddled on the ground. But his heart seemed to have frozen with the snow he had inhaled and all around him the air was swirling with dazzling white as he struggled to his feet and continued to run.

Round one more corner he went and he could see - he could just about make out - the shape of James crouching in the snow between the two grey tombstones dripping with ice. Remus tried to approach and yet his feet would not move; they remained stuck firmly in the snowdrift in which he was standing. James turned to face him; and his nose was pouring with blood, and it wouldn’t stop; the blood would not stop and it was falling, just as the snow was falling, splattering the ground with crimson droplets. If Remus could move he would be able to help him, butt his limbs were disobedient and it was all he could do to cry out James’ name.

The name was lost on the wind, and it was instead James’ voice that could once again be heard crying through the snow: “Help me, Remus, help me!�

“James! James, I’m trying…� Remus cried as he saw out of the corner of his eye a figure that had never been present before. A tall, stooping form shrouded in a black cloak seemed to have suddenly appeared from behind one of the sinister-looking angels that stared out into the snow with dead eyes. It was moving towards James.

The blood had still not stopped and James was now crying, his voice devastating as he shrieked to Remus, “Oh my god, Remus, he’s going to kill me! Help me, Remus, help me!�

Remus thrashed against the snow but still he was rooted to the spot, unable to move to help a friend that so desperately needed him. The figure was reaching inside its cloak; a thin, skeletal hand withdrew a wand and pointed it at James. James’ scream made Remus desperate, and he made one final attempt to fling himself forward; to free himself from whatever spell it was that was making it impossible for him to move. It was no use and Remus fell to the snow. As he looked up and yelled to James, he heard the figure whisper the words Avada Kedavra; then all around was to be engulfed by a blinding, white light.



Remus awoke and now the bright, morning light seemed to be blazing down and burning him. It had been a dream, a terrible dream, and as he blinked slowly, shuffling up the bed to shade his eyes, Remus sighed at the thought that if he were to open his eyes fully and crane his neck to look to his left, he would see James, sound asleep, in bed. Once again, Remus closed his eyes and allowed his head to relax back into his pillows, relieved that his nightmare could not touch him now. This dream had haunted him since the day at Godric’s Hollow, though never before had the shadowy intruder made an appearance. This was something of a new addition; in the dreams of the past there had been no killing curse. Remus shivered as he once again saw James’ bloodied face before him and, after the shudder had past, he reached down and blindly attempted to pull the blankets up under his chin.

The blankets did not move as something that was lying on Remus’ bed seemed to be pinning them in place. Remus stopped fidgeting long enough to hold his breath, hearing for the first time the soft breaths that were coming from beside him. For the first time, perhaps in the whole night, Remus realised that he was not alone – but, frightened that perhaps this feeling was still some trace of his dream, he kept his eyes tightly shut.

Whoever was beside him seemed to be stirring, moving gently as though they were awake but frightened of waking the other sleeper. On the insides of his eyelids Remus could see nothing but orange speckled with grey, yet he could tell that whoever it was that had been asleep was now watching him, their eyes carefully studying his face for signs of sleep.

Remus simply had to breathe and so very cautiously he exhaled, steadily so as not to draw attention to the fact that he was awake. His lips were dry and as Remus moved to wet them he felt the breath returned, by whoever it was that was watching, on his now moist mouth.

There was more cautious shifting and Remus realised for the first time that he had not undressed before going to bed. He was still in uniform, although now his shirt was un-tucked and his trousers had slipped down lower over his waist than he would have liked. But the person lying beside him had had time to remove their clothes and Remus could feel the warmth of their flesh as they moved beneath the blankets.

For the longest of moments there was no movement at all; everything was hushed and silent once more and Remus felt sure that, if he tried hard enough, he could forget that he was not sleeping alone. Yet as the blankets had been twisted, Remus’ shirt had un-tucked itself further and he flinched as he suddenly felt the smallest of movements brush against the exposed skin. The movement stopped and Remus thought maybe he had imagined it; his heart was pounding in his ears. A second passed and the movement returned; tentative fingers were tracing patterns on his side.

Remus breathed a little harder than before and yet the fingers did not stop. First one very slowly stroked the sensitive flesh, and then the others joined in the tender exploration. It had to be some dream - butt Remus knew he was awake. The light in the room had been too bright and too real for this to be an extension of his nightmare. And this feeling couldn’t be part of a nightmare; this feeling was euphoria; each path that the fingers found left lines of fire. Remus shivered from the heat and fought the urge he suddenly felt to lick his lips again; and all at once he could feel the warm, ragged breaths of the person beside him creep across his neck.

Even though he was fully clothed, Remus had never felt so naked; his skin was covered in goose bumps and every hair seemed to be standing on end. Again came the warmth; first in and then out; inhale, exhale, unsteady and unsure. The palm of the hand had made contact and now Remus could feel it pressed flat against his side. The flesh relented against the touch and the breath came again, much closer and moister than before. Remus could feel the pressure of the body against him; the naked contours of the chest and the bare silhouettes of the stomach, and he could feel for the first time the hair that was tickling his shoulder through his shirt.

It was then he could smell something he had smelt before; his bed no longer simply smelt of his body, his skin, his breath. With this was an overpowering smell of mud and fresh air; of damp earth and autumn and something which, try as he might, Remus could just not place. There was soap and there was sunlight; scrubbed skin and stale breath. These were scents that were familiar and known; these were not figments of his mind. He knew the scent just as he knew the body; just as he knew the rough hand that was caressing his side.

Suddenly, movement from the opposite side of the room caused the hand to be withdrawn. The body moved and shifted away; Remus could no longer feel the warmth against his skin. The mattress beside him shifted as the figure turned from lying facing Remus to lying just as he was; flat on his back, head titled towards the canopy above. The movement across the room stopped and yet the body was frozen; the hand did not return. And only when Remus was absolutely sure that the touch was not returning did he dare to open his eyes and look beside him to see Sirius, whose own eyes were now closed.

When Remus next opened his eyes he knew that Sirius was awake. He could feel that the covers had been flung back and now they almost covered him completely. There was no warm body by his side and Remus turned his head to see Sirius sitting on the edge of the bed in the process of doing up his shirt, his back to Remus. It was still strangely quiet in the dormitory and Remus wondered whether or not anyone else was there at all. Peeping round the side of Sirius, Remus could see that Peter’s bed was empty and had long ago been made and, carefully moving as to not draw Sirius’ attention to him, Remus shifted in an attempt to see over to James’ bed.

It did not work; he had not been careful enough, and Sirius had felt him move and had turned to look at him. Remus froze; a voice screamed in his ears to avoid those eyes, to fight the blush that was already burning in his cheeks. Sirius had not known that Remus was awake; maybe Remus had dreamt it all? It had seemed so bizarre, so unreal in the early morning brightness; the sound, the touch, the scent had merged and Remus now was unsure whether it had really happened at all. But if it hadn’t happened, why was he staring, willing Sirius to say something, yet fearing whatever it was that would be said. Sirius said nothing as he finished buttoning his shirt, raising an eyebrow, confused by the look of embarrassment on Remus’ face.

“I…I…� Remus managed to stammer through dry lips, but Sirius shook his head and raised a finger to his lips to silence his friend. Remus stopped talking and watched with fascination as a warm smile spread across Sirius’ face, dissolving the unreadable darkness of his features as he pointed across the room. Remus sat up, pushing the pillows back, and looked to where Sirius was pointing. It was then that he understood the need to be quiet. It seemed that James too had not slept alone. He was lying under the blankets; his glasses had been removed but his clothes, like Remus’, had not and, lying next to him, neatly tucked against him, was Lily, also fully clothed.

Remus then realised what must have happened; they had all continued to speak for hours of what was to be done about Snape and Regulus and Voldemort. It had grown dark and the fires had been lit and still they had continued. Sirius had confided in Lily about what had happened at Grimmauld Place and what it had meant for him, and Lily, for perhaps the first time since Remus had known her, had looked upon Sirius as if she had only begun to understand him. They had talked well into the night, with James and Lily on one bed and Sirius and Remus on another, and Remus could not recall the point when the conversation had come to an end and they had all gone to bed. They must have just drifted off to sleep one by one, not realising that the conversation was ending, unsure of who was asleep or awake. That would explain why Lily was now lying with James, her back against his chest, his arm around her waist, both unaware of how intimate they appeared.

“I don’t think Prongs would ever forgive us if we woke her,� Sirius whispered, breaking the silence for the first time as he stood to pull his trousers back on. Remus turned, suddenly remembering the dreamy caress of Sirius’ hand against his waist more vividly. Once Sirius had dressed Remus expected him to return to his own bed, but he did not; and instead, he sat back down beside Remus. Remus wriggled uncomfortably up the bed, at a loss for words.

“You don’t move much…� Sirius whispered as he pulled on his socks. Remus, confused by the comment, finally found his voice to ask, “What?�

Sirius laughed silently before flopping back against the headboard with the words, “In your sleep. You’re a very peaceful sleeper.� Remus shrugged and nervously ran his fingers through his hair, feeling for the first time just how messy it was.

“It was odd…� Sirius began, his voice quiet and wistful; his eyes seemed fixed on the sleeping figures of Lily and James. Remus flinched inwardly as Sirius spoke, and for the first time in their friendship he actually felt uncomfortable sitting so closely beside him. “It was odd sleeping with someone else…�

“Sorry,� Remus interrupted, automatically apologising, although he was unsure what for. Sirius, too, did not understand this apology and he shrugged, his eyes fixing on Remus’ face as he said, “No…it was nice. Sort of comforting…� Now it was Sirius’ turn to blush, to turn his eyes from Remus’ and suddenly find himself at a loss for words. But Remus understood what Sirius had said, for he had felt it too; the strange, new intimacy of sleeping beside someone; of sharing in their warmth. It had been comforting to feel the pressure of another body beside him, yet Remus’ stomach flipped as he once again recalled Sirius’ hand on his waist. Had Sirius meant the touch to feel so guilty, hidden beneath the blankets, a hand extended in sleep? Or had he meant it simply as the reassuring gesture of a friend; the sort of gesture that seemed to often pass between them when no-one else could see?

Sirius suddenly moved and stood up and Remus felt the absence of his friend’s body beside him as he moved back to his own bed.

“Thanks for letting me sleep, Moony…� Sirius paused and turned back around to face Remus, who was still sitting up fully clothed in bed. Remus shrugged and his voice cleared of all concern as he replied, “Don’t worry about it, Padfoot…it’s what friends do.�

Sirius smiled in response, but this smile wavered as he turned back to crossing the room to his bed. It had been a long night; a night full of strange talks and disturbed dreams, followed by a morning of new intimacy. If it had happened, and Remus was now in more doubt than ever of that being the case, then Sirius seemed to be ignoring it. Whatever the movement had meant, Sirius would not be drawing attention to it, and as Remus watched him pick up a comb from the bedside table and struggle to pass it through his knotted hair, he actually found himself wishing that one of them would say something about it.

There was a movement from James’ bed, and Remus watched as Lily wriggled a little against James and then, as if she had suddenly realised where she was sleeping, her eyes fluttered open and she sat up. Her hair fell in great ripples down her back, messy from the hours of sleep; the sunlight from the windows behind her filtered through it, making it appear almost transparent. She was blinking, rubbing her eyes frantically as if to rid herself of the scene before them. Remus said nothing when she looked at him and she turned to Sirius, who gave a teasing wink. Lily turned and looked down at James, who was still asleep beside her; even though she had sat up, his arm was still around her waist, resting in her lap.

Lily groaned and buried her face in her hands and it was this that finally woke James up. He opened his eyes and looked at Lily as if he didn’t know her, then, after he reached for his glasses and put them on, he seemed to suddenly remember who it was that was sleeping next to him, and he smiled as he sat up beside her. Lily removed his hand from her lap and, after a moment of silence, she said, “I should go; the girls will be wondering where I’ve got to.�

She didn’t even look at James as she stood up, her hands nervously smoothing down the front of her grey skirt, which had creased in her sleep.

“We should meet tomorrow,� Remus said and Lily nodded in agreement. She smiled at Remus, but it seemed as though she could not bring herself to look at James as she said her goodbyes and swiftly left the room. James watched her go, his eyes following her right up until she had closed the door, then, once she had left, James lay back on the bed and exhaled deeply.

“Well?� Sirius asked, and James shifted to see that Sirius was smiling. James sighed and said nothing as he lay smiling up at the ceiling. Sirius laughed as he stood up, tossing his head in James’ direction and rolling his eyes before he left the room through the bathroom door. For a long time Remus’ eyes remained fixed on the bathroom door; from inside he heard the familiar sound of the running water hitting the floor of the shower. Very slowly Remus shifted across the bed, his body taking the space that Sirius had slept in; traces of his warmth still lingered in the mattress. It had meant nothing, he thought to himself, lying back on the bed. Lily, too, had fallen asleep, next to James. And yet…something had happened that Remus could not explain; he hardly knew whether he had dreamt it or whether it was real. Maybe Sirius had not realised what he was doing, or how it had felt to Remus in the blurry, morning sunshine. Maybe he had simply meant it as a familiar gesture, a touch between friends rather than something much more intimate. Remus shook his head to rid his mind of these thoughts yet as he lay, blinking silently at the canopy above, he had never felt so vulnerable, or so horribly aware of how inappropriate what had happened that morning felt.