Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything in their magical world. These characters and their world belong to the talented J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros

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Bellatrix Lestrange sat on a large rock overlooking the gorge. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t help but think everything would be better if she just jumped. It would be over. The pain she was feeling would be gone. Her failure as a wife would be erased and Rodolphus would be able to move on with someone who was worthy of him. She had no right to him. She was no longer of any use to him or any other man.

The wind brushed against her face causing her tears to fly into her hair. Many times in her life she had come to this place. To her it had always been a place of peace. It was a place for her to go when she wished to be alone. Except this time, she did not wish to be alone. She would give anything to feel less alone.

Wiping her eyes, she debated what to do. Despite the fact that it seemed like a good idea, she knew that she was not about to hurl herself into the gorge. She was far too cowardly to ever take her own life. Rodolphus would be wondering why she wasn’t home. He wouldn’t want her there, but he would be expecting her. Narcissa would be concerned about her. Her sister always worried and Bella had given her plenty of reasons to worry as of late.

With a deep sigh, she forced herself to stand. It was time to go home. She had caused enough pain. The least she could do was face her failure. She would assure her sister that she was fine and then return to her husband. If he wished to cast her out, she would have no choice but to accept his decision. She deserved no better.

Quickly, she wiped away her tears. She would not show weakness. Narcissa needed to be assured that her big sister was fine. Rodolphus needed the opportunity to punish her for being such a wretched failure and costing them both something so precious. Neither of them needed to see her sobbing like a child.

Once she was presentable, she Apparated to Malfoy Manor with a loud pop.

Narcissa flung opened the heavy door before Bella had even raised her hand to knock. Before she could speak, she found herself held tightly in her sister’s embrace, so tightly that she could hardly breathe. It was clear that Narcissa had indeed been worried about her.

Without a word, Narcissa grabbed her arm and pulled her into the mansion. She led her though the house and into the sitting room, where she practically pushed Bella onto a very expensive sofa.

“What the hell, Bella?� she finally demanded as she sat down beside her. “I know you’re upset. You have every right to be upset. We know that you’re hurting, but how could you just disappear from St. Mungo’s like that. We didn’t know where you were or what happened to you.�

“I’m sorry that I scared you, Cissy,� she replied calmly. “I needed some time to myself. Have you seen Rodolphus? How is he?�

“Devastated. He’s been through a lot. He’s terrified for you.�

“I doubt that.�

“Why?�

“Cissy, what good am I to him? I’m supposed to be his wife. I can’t give him what he needs. He’s probably hoping that I don’t come back. That way he can be free to move on with someone who can give him the life he deserves.�

Narcissa started at her sister with a shocked expression.

“Bella, Rodolphus loves you. He has been worried sick. No one blames you for what happened.�

“But it was my fault,� Bella cried. She could feel her composure slipping away. Tears were forming in her eyes. “If I had been more careful she would still be alive. It’s my fault that she died. Rodolphus will never forgive that and I have no right to ask him to.�

Narcissa pulled her sister into a tight hug and Bella could feel the last of her resolve draining away. She began to sob uncontrollably into her sister’s chest. She no longer cared about being calm. The pain was too strong. It was too much to bear.

Her sister rocked her back and forth for hours. Neither of them spoke. There was really nothing to say. There were no words that were going to make Bella feel better. There was no phrase that would cause her pain to decrease. There was no comment that would cause her to stop blaming herself. Narcissa knew the best thing she could do was offer silent support and Bella was grateful for that.

“I’m sorry, Cissy,� Bella said, pulling away. “I’ve wasted your entire afternoon. I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to me sob.�

“I do not, Bella,� she snapped. “I love you. I want to help you. I just wish there was something I could do.�

“There’s nothing anyone can do,� Bella told her. “I should go home to Rodolphus. I owe him the opportunity to punish me. I deserve whatever he chooses to do. I am no longer worthy of the Lestrange name or the Black name, for that matter.�

“He’s not going to punish you. You haven’t done anything wrong. What happened wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done to avoid it.�

Bella didn’t respond. There was nothing to say. She knew her sister was lying. Narcissa just couldn’t bring herself to call her sister a murderer, but that was exactly what she was. It seemed strange. She had been a Death Eater for almost a year and she had been able to avoid becoming a killer, but that was no longer true. Someone had finally lost their life because of her. She had taken something very precious from herself and her husband. Rodolphus had every right to hate her for it.

“I need to go,� she told her sister.

Reluctantly, Narcissa nodded. She hugged her sister one last time and watched as Bella Apparated away with a loud pop.

She appeared in the Lestrange sitting room and was surprised to find that was where Rodolphus had chosen to lurk. He looked up from a large cushy chair. His hair was matted and his eyes blood shot. It was clear that he had spent the previous night in tears.

He jumped from the chair and rushed over to her, wrapping her in his arms. It felt good to be in his embrace. She always felt safe in his arms. She had always thought that Rodolphus could protect her from the horrors of the world. How foolish she had been.

Finally, Rodolphus released her and stepped back. He stood a safe distance away, studying her. Bella refused to meet his gaze. She couldn’t bear to see the hatred and accusations in his eyes.

“Why did you leave St. Mungo’s?� he asked her.

“I wanted to be alone.�

“I needed you. I was worried about you.�

Fresh tears came to her eyes. How could he say those things to her? They weren’t true. They couldn’t be true. He didn’t need her. She was useless to him now. And why would he worry about her when he was better off without her? She wished he would just throw her from his home or beat her. She wanted her punishment over with.

She felt Rodolphus take her hand. Gently, he led her towards the sofa. She didn’t fight him. She didn’t have the energy to fight anything. They sat together and he pulled her close to him.

Bella still could not understand why he wasn’t yelling at her, hurting her. It was true that Rodolphus rarely yelled and he had never hit her before, but this was not a normal situation. She deserved every ounce of cruelty that he could muster; and yet, he was still being kind to her.

“Where were you?� he finally asked.

“I went for a walk,� she told him. “I just couldn’t face anyone. I’m sorry.�

His grip tightened around her.

“You don’t need to apologize. I was just worried.�

“Why?� she asked, pulling away. “Why do you care what happens to me? I’m useless to you now. I can’t give you what you need. She’s dead, Rodolphus. She’s dead because of me. How can you sit here and comfort me? You should hate me. You should want me out of your life.�

There was silence for a few moments. Bella still refused to look at her husband. She simply waited to see what he would do next.

“Bella, I love you. I have loved you since we were children; that is not going to change because of an accident. Yes, I am hurting, now. I want to rip this room apart and curse the world. I feel like a part of me has been ripped out. But I don’t want to hurt you. This isn’t your fault and I know that you’re hurting too. You’re my wife. I just want to take care of you. I know that you’re in pain.�

“I deserve the pain,� she told him. “It was my fault. I don’t know why everyone wants to pretend that it wasn’t. I shouldn’t have been doing the Dark Lord’s bidding last night. I could have sent someone in my place. I was being selfish. You begged me not to go. Cissy begged me not to go. But I went. I refused to lose face with the Dark Lord. It’s my fault. I deserve the pain and loss. You don’t deserve to be in pain and she didn’t deserve to die.�

Rodolphus reached out for her, but she pulled away. She had no right to seek comfort in his arms. She didn’t deserve him.

“You don’t deserve to be hurting,� he told her. “You were trying to do the right thing. If you had listened to me or your sister, the Dark Lord would have punished you. The end result could have been the same. You tried to make the right choice. Honestly, deep down, I was proud of you for going last night. I knew the risks and I was still proud. I’m no better than you.�

“I—I can’t talk about this anymore,� Bella stammered as she jumped from the sofa. “I just want to be alone. Am I to understand that you are not planning to evict me from your home or punish me for what I have done?�

“Bella, I would never harm you. Of course, I am not going to punish you. You are already suffering more than any human should be forced to suffer.�

She said nothing and left the room without looking at her husband. She hurried up the stairs, anxious to be alone. Pushing open her bedroom door, she was about to collapse on the bed when a wave of sickness rushed through her. She couldn’t sleep there. That was the bed she shared with Rodolphus. Regardless of what he said, she knew that she no longer belonged there.

Closing the door behind her, she continued down the hall. She paused outside the door next her bedroom. Shivers ran through her body and she felt as though she was going to pass out.

Shaking her head, she managed to move forward. She regained her composure and entered the guest room. Finally, she would be able to rest. She fell to the bed, allowing her tears to flow freely. She cried herself to sleep thinking about all that she had lost and all that she had cost her husband.

A short time later she was awoken by a strange sound. She jumped to her feet and listened intently. It sounded like someone was breathing heavily. She listened longer and realized that someone was crying—a man.

Reluctantly, she rose from the bed and edged towards the door. She knew it had to be Rodolphus’ sobs that she was hearing. More than anything she wanted to comfort him. She knew that she didn’t deserve him, but did that mean she shouldn’t try to help him? Of course, what help could she be? Her presence would just be a reminder of what she had taken away from him. But he had told her that he needed her. What if it was the truth? What if he somehow truly felt that she was not responsible for what happened? If she could bring him even the smallest amount of comfort, didn’t she owe it to him to do it?

Finally, she pushed opened the door to look for her husband. Perhaps if she was unable to help him he would be angry enough now to give her the punishment she had so thoroughly earned.

As soon as she opened the door the sobs became louder. He sounded close. She glanced around and her heart plummeted when she realized that the door beside their bedroom was ajar. Why did he have to be in there? She didn’t know if she had the strength to enter that room. She would be no good to him if she ended up on the floor sobbing.

Slowly, she approached the door, but stopped with her hand resting on the door knob. Could she really do it? Could she really enter this room? Could she really face what she had done?

Bella was so consumed by her fears and worries that she didn’t realize the sobbing had stopped. The house was now silent.

The silence was broken by Rodolphus’ strained voice, “Bella,� he called, “please, come in.�

She still could not will herself to move. She had already let her husband down in the worst way. Could she really deny him such a simply request? But it wasn’t simple. Going into that room was one of the hardest things she had ever been asked to do. She could sense the kind of emotion that would hit her when she entered and she wasn’t at all certain that she was ready to deal with it.

But it didn’t matter if she was ready. She deserved the pain that she would receive upon opening that door. She brought it on herself. Rodolphus wanted her in there and she had no right to refuse him. She had caused him enough pain.

With a deep sigh, she pushed open the door. The room was exactly how she had left it. The walls were painted a light shade of pink, with matching lacy curtains protecting the single window. The crib sat in the corner with the large white teddy bear, waiting for a child that would never be born.

A cry of anguish escaped her lips as she realized all that she had truly lost.

Rodolphus had been crouched on the floor beside the crib, but the moment he saw her, he jumped to his feet and rushed to her side. He quickly pulled her into a tight embrace. She began to shiver and sob uncontrollably.

It was true. It was really true. Her daughter was really gone. She had lost her baby and she could never have another child. She would never be able to hold her little girl in her arms or sing her to sleep. No child would ever call her Mummy. She could never give her husband an heir.

“I killed her,� Bella cried out as she buried her head in Rodolphus’ chest. “I shouldn’t have gone. I knew there was a risk. I was hit by a curse and now my daughter is gone—our daughter. You should hate me.�

“I could never hate you,� he told her soothingly. “You’re my wife. I love you. I loved our daughter. We had so many plans for her. I know how badly you’re hurting. I don’t want this to be harder on you because you think you’re to blame. No one could have predicted what happened. There was a risk, yes, but that didn’t mean it would happen. There is an element of risk in everything that we do.�

“I should have been more careful,� she continued to sob. “I was gambling with our daughter’s life and I lost. Our daughter is gone. Our chance to have children is gone. You heard the Healer. I can never have a child. You would be better off if you left me and found someone who can give you what you need. I know how much carrying on the Lestrange name means to you.�

“It means a lot less than you do,� he told her. “I wanted children and so did you. We both loved our daughter. But I love you, too. I will never leave you. Bella, I need you to get through this. I know that you need me too. Please, don’t pull away from me now because of some sense of guilt. I love you and I want to mourn with you.�

She continued to cry into his chest. Could he really mean it? Could he still love her after she lost his child? Could he really forgive such an act?

“Please, Bella, tell me that you’ll stay. Tell me that you’ll help me get through this. I can’t do it without you. We made vows, for better and for worse. I don’t want to break those now.�

Bella pulled out of his grasp and for the first time looked into his eyes. She didn’t see hatred or accusations. She saw sadness; she saw the pain of losing a child, but she also saw love and forgiveness. She knew that he was telling the truth. He still loved her, despite everything she had taken from him and everything that she could no longer give him.

“Of course, I’ll stay,� she cried throwing her arms around her husband. “I never wanted to leave. I just didn’t think I was worthy of you.�

He held her tightly and whispered, “You will always be worthy.�

For a long time, she remained wrapped in his arms, standing in the room that was meant for her daughter. She continued to cry. It was a relief that her husband still loved her. She was glad to have him, but it did not ease her pain. Her little girl was still gone.

Bella thought of all the things her daughter would never experience. She would never know how much her parents loved her. She would never hear her Uncle Lucius’ ghost stories. She would never see Hogwarts. She would never become a Slytherin. She would never lay eyes on the Dark Lord. She would never find love.

Bella backed away from her husband and approached the crib. She reached down and retrieved the large teddy bear. She held it to her chest, thinking that her daughter would never even have the opportunity to hold this toy. It wasn’t fair.

Again, she felt Rodolphus’ arms wrap around her.

“I want my daughter back,� she screamed throwing the toy down. “It’s not fair.�

“I know,� he told her as he pulled her closer.

For hours they stood there, staring at an empty crib. A crib that was destined to stay empty. They stood there thinking of what might have been and mourning the loss of their only child.