AN: As you undoubtedly know, nothing you recognise in this fic is mine, it belongs to JKR, etc, etc, all except for Janey and the other OCs, because they’re my creations. This is part three in the series based around Janey. You don’t have to read the first two before this one, but it would help – they can be found on my bio, or if you want to skim through the rest of the Humour section. That’s all for now, enjoy! :D


Everybody Loves Janey Weasley

Everybody loves Janey Weasley. Her family love her. The entire student body loves her. Hell, even the teachers love her. What’s not to love? Her fiery hair with a mind of it’s own – and a very energetic mind at that. Her glistening brown eyes, full of intelligence, mischievousness and yet at the same time kindness. Her smattering of freckles across her face. Her chubbiness, and the fact that she doesn’t give a damn in the world about it. Her wit, and ability to pull off notorious stunts, yet rarely be caught.

Oh yes. Everybody loves Janey Weasley. Including me. It’s sad really. We’re in our fifth year, and she’s all I think about any more. Who’d of thought it – I’d be caught up with Janey Weasley, infamous prankster, and everybody’s best friend.

It all happened a week ago. I was walking along, as you do, not really concentrating on where I was going (Charms) or what I would be doing there (making excuses about that homework that I still hadn’t done, even though it was three weeks late – and that I still haven’t done, in fact, another week on). Mostly I was thinking about Quidditch practise. Hurrah! Mud! But then, out of nowhere, this inexplicable blur rushed past me, laughing freely. The Blur slowed down, turned around, and came back.

“Hey, Frankie,� The Blur said, hooking it’s arm through my own. By this point, The Blur was no longer a blur at all, it was quite clearly Janey, but my mind wasn’t up to scratch that morning, and at that point, it was still vaguely interested in whether or not I could train my Seeker (I’m Hufflepuff captain) to do the Wronski Feint if I didn’t actually know how to do it myself. But my poor brain was slowly catching up with the fact that I was now strolling down a corridor arm in arm with Hogwarts’s most notorious trickster. Should I be suspicious? I decided to go with the flow.

“Hi, Janey,� I replied, probably a little late.

“Will you do me a favour?� she asked, and I noticed she was nodding and waving her spare arm about quite a bit more than necessary.

“Uh ... sure,� I said, a little confused.

“Don’t look so worried,� she said, laughing a little too loud. “I just want it to look like we’re having some kind of intimate discussion, you know?�

“Not exactly,� I said, distracted by something about her face that wasn’t quite right. And then I realised – she was smiling too wide, but her eyes looked pretty desperate.

“What exactly did you do?� I asked her, waving my own spare arm about a bit to make my words look animated and passionate – because I thought I might as well help her out, since she contributes to so much of the school’s entertainment.

She stopped walking, and frowned. “Why do I have had to have done anything? Why does everyone assume that just because I need them to basically lie or pretend for me, I am trying to cover up some kind of misdemeanour?�

There was a very obvious answer to her question, and for a moment, I debated whether or not to give it to her. I didn’t want to make her too mad, after all, but maybe she might see the funny side. What the hell, I thought, I don’t have anything to lose. “Because you usually are.�

She regarded me for a moment, her eyes thoughtful. And then the corners of her mouth perked up. “That must be it,� she said, feigning defeat, and linking our arms again – which was an increasingly uncomfortable position for me, by the way.

“So if you’re not trying to cover up a heinous crime, why are you making me pretend we’re having a meaningful discussion? Is this another social experiment? Do you just want to see if I will?� It has not been unheard of that she will get bored of misadventure every now and then, and conduct interesting psychological experiments on her fellow students – chaining a first year Slytherin and seventh year Gryffindor together for a day, and seeing what they do. Or making one person leave the room, instructing everyone else to wear hats, and waiting to see if they will rummage up their own when they return to find that they are the odd one out. It makes a nice change from your run of the mill chaos every now and then.

But she shakes her head vehemently. “Not this time, Frankie. No, I just don’t want to be interrupted by Annie.�

“Ah, I see,� I said, all becoming clear. Janey is what could be called Annie’s reluctant and long suffering confidante. The more Annie confides in Janey, the nicer Janey feels she has to be, and so the more Annie confides in her. And the thing about Annie is that she’s not the brightest button on the cardigan, if you know what I mean. But despite her outward reluctance, I have a feeling that deep down, Janey does like her really – she just gets on her nerves a lot.

“Unfortunately,� Janey said, sighing, “I don’t think it’s worked.�

I turned around to see Annie striding up to us purposefully, her smiling mouth wide and scarily friendly.

“Hiya guys!� she cried, enthusiastically, her voice a little too squealing for my taste.

“Annie,� Janey said, forcibly nodding her head.

“Who’s your friend, Janey? Got the hots for someone, have we?� she teased, nudging Janey with her hip. I was already contemplating suicide, and my respect for Janey’s sanity was growing rapidly.

“Well, if I did, you would certainly be the first to know,� Janey remarked, sarcastically. But Annie missed that part.

“While we’re on the subject ... well ... so, I was talking to Lucas earlier, Janey, and I think he likes me.�

Janey sighed, closing her eyes resignedly. “Do you?� she asked, her voice devoid of any kind of enthusiasm.

“Deffo! Should I go out with him?�

“Did you just say ‘deffo’?� Janey asked, her eyes snapping open incredulously. I stifled a giggle.

“It means definitely, silly! So, I was wondering whether or not I should wear my necklace with the pink butterfly, blue flower, or orange bumblebee. Which do you think would give me the most hotness factor?�

“Hotness factor,� Janey repeated, looking sceptical.

Annie nodded brightly, her bleached blonde hair bouncing distractingly.

“Well, the bumblebee then,� Janey said, off-hand. I tried to imagine a necklace with an orange bumblebee, and felt a little queasy. Janey gave me the tiniest of winks, so small, she could have just had a bit of a twitch. I was lucky not to miss it.

“Really? You think?� Annie asked, breathlessly.

“Oh yes,� Janey said, nodding vigorously. This enthusiasm was a clear sign that she was putting on an act.

“Okay then. Thanks, Janey! Hey – you know Transfiguration?�

“I’ve heard of it.�

“Well, you remember those spells we practised about turning wheat into bread?�

“I recall them.�

“Well ... if we wanted bread, but there was only wheat, why wouldn’t we just eat something else? Like, I dunno, some pudding or something.�

Janey blinked. I was trying not to die of laughter. “I think,� Janey said carefully, “that if there was only wheat, and no bread, there wouldn’t likely be any pudding.�

“So why not just conjure pudding?�

Janey sighed. “Annie, can I ask you a serious question?�

“Of course you can! You can ask me anything, just like I can ask you anything, too!�

“That’s part of the problem,� Janey muttered quietly. She then smiled brightly at poor, intellectually challenged Annie. “Is Annie short for Antoinette in your particular case?�

Annie frowned, thinking. “Not that I know of, I think it’s short for Anne ... is Antoinette German?�

“Not quite,� Janey said dismissively. I decided to take my leave, it was all getting too much.

“Well, I was late for Charms even before we stopped to chat, so I had better be off,� I said, checking my watch, and trying to sidle away quickly.

“Oh no you don’t,� Janey hissed at me. Then she said brightly, “Don’t be silly, Frankie, you’ve missed half of the lesson, now. Flitwick is hardly going to believe you’re merely late, is he?�

“Then why aren’t you in class?� I shot at her, getting a little annoyed, because she was right.

“Because I had History of Magic,� she revealed, shrugging. “And so I put my hand up and informed Professor Binns that if I didn’t leave for the Hospital Wing, I would throw up over all of my notes from the whole of the year. He should have seen through me, of course – I don’t have any notes for this year!� We both laughed.

“What about you, Annie?� I asked, trying to be polite. “Why aren’t you in a lesson?�

She shrugged. “I forgot.�

Janey’s hand slapped over her eyes as if she had lost all will to live. It took me a lot of effort not to do the same thing.

We stood in the corridor and talked for ten more minutes, until we were found by Peeves. He threatened to raise the alarm, and so we ran. I started to go one way, but Janey yelled at me to follow her. Annie stood there, blinking, until I grabbed her arm and dragged her with us. I followed Janey faithfully until she stopped opposite a tapestry of some peculiar trolls. She started to pace up and down, and suddenly a door appeared.

“Courtesy of a various amount of parents and uncles,� she said, dragging us both in after her. The room was nice. There were squashy sofas, and a bar. She smiled at mine and Annie’s bewilderment. “I asked for somewhere comfy we could stay for half an hour without being found,� she explained.

“You asked for somewhere?� I spluttered, utterly confused.

She grinned.

And it was that moment – that very one – when I fell crashing down into the pit of love. Poetic, but true.

And since that lesson we skipped, I haven’t been able to keep her out of my head. But we’ve barely spoken since. She’s said “Hi Frankie,� and that’s about it. However, since that day a week ago, she has single handedly flooded the Great Hall, “set fire� to the lake, using that special stuff she has that makes something that looks like fire, but that gives no heat, or does any damage whatsoever, and made a small earthquake occur – but only at the Slytherin table. Obviously she’s been feeling like natural disasters, lately. Oh, and she also conducted a psychological experiment involving pie, rubber ducks, chimpanzees, and a heck of a lot of first years, quite successfully. All this in a week. And she hasn’t had one detention. McGonagall tried to look mad at her, even though she had no proof to convict her with, but we could all see that she was trying not to smile. She’s getting soft, you know.

But the question remains – what do I do now? She has more important things on her mind than little old me. Like how to entertain the student population of Hogwarts. And what psychological experiment she should perform next. And how to keep both her rule-abiding-mother and rule-breaking-twin-uncles happy. Hell, she even has to concentrate on her studies to keep McGonagall off her back. She doesn’t need a stalker on top of all that. And I doubt she wants a stalker on top of all that either.

Yes, it’s a love of the unrequited kind, all right. I need to speak to someone close to her, someone who could tell me what to do to make her like me. Who is close to her?

My first thought is her uncles, Fred and George, but the very idea makes me shudder – they’re the two most notorious, mischievous miscreants, who happen to own a chain of joke shops (and I mean that – it’s been self proclaimed). Not in a million years could I ask their advice about Janey. So who else is close to her?

A thought reaches me – her brother, David, perhaps? He is a third year Hufflepuff, known for being always in unwilling trouble. This is very different to the kind of trouble Janey is always in. While she would readily set fire to the Whomping Willow, and then get caught and given detention, her brother David would accidentally set fire to the Whomping Willow, and then get caught and given detention. Their poor mother.

I hop down off my bed, and go down into the Common Room in search of David. He is playing Gobstones with his friends, sitting in one of the yellow armchairs, and cheering himself along.

“Hey, David, can I talk to you?� I ask, hands in my pockets, trying my hardest to look nonchalant.

“Sure,� he says, a little suspiciously.

“Uh ... somewhere more private?� I ask, as I notice the heads of all his friends leaning closer and closer – nosy sods.

David shrugs, tells his friends to freeze the game for a minute or two, and follows me into a corner.

“It’s about your sister,� I say, seriously. I am surprised to see him roll his eyes.

“I should have known – it always is. What about her?� he says this all with a note of resignation in his voice, and I get the feeling he occasionally resents her fame. If I wasn’t in such a dithering state of mind, I might talk to him about that – Hufflepuffs are meant to be caring, after all. For now I’ll do what I came here to.

“What kind of things does she ... you know, like?�

He raises his eyebrows, alarmed. “Do you like her?� he asks, shocked and appalled sounding.

“Everybody likes her,� I say quickly, but I can’t help blushing.

“I mean actually like her! You’re mental! Although, I’ll tell you one thing about her,� he says, carefully.

“What?� I ask desperately.

“She acts all tough, but she’s not really.� He puts his hand on his heart and mocks great emotion on his face. “She just wants to be loved,� he chokes out, and then bursts into hysterical laughter and runs back to his friends.

How queer.

But I suppose ... well, I should listen to him, shouldn’t I? It could very well be true.

Now, who else could I ask in my research, having got this far? Annie? The thought makes me cringe, but I suppose I had better – whether she likes it or not, Annie is Janey’s “best friend�, and would probably know a thing or two.

I manage to find her wandering the corridors looking lost, which is quite surprising, but convenient all the same.

“Hi, Annie,� I say, smiling. She blinks a few times, then returns the smile.

“Hi, Frankie! How are you? Have you seen Janey? Or Lucas? I seem to have lost them both.�

My eyes suddenly notice that she is wearing a gaudy necklace with a large orange bumblebee on it, that is smiling widely. It’s as sickening as I imagined, but I try and ignore it. “Um, no I haven’t. But I was going to ask you about Janey.�

“Oh?� she looks confused, and then suddenly suspicious. “Is this about the thing with the lemurs? Because I told her I don’t know where they got that whipped cream from, I only turned my head for a minute!�

What? Lemurs? Whipped cream? It’s probably better not to ask. “No, I don’t know anything about that. It’s just ... I like her, Annie.�

“Of course you do!� she says brightly, her teeth glimmering white. “Everybody likes her!�

“No,� I say, with a lot of emphasis. “I like her, Annie.�

Annie’s mouth drops open, and she screams, so that I wince and put my hands over my ears. She continues to scream, getting more high pitched every second. But just when I think my head’s going to explode, she grabs my hands and starts dancing around in a circle with me. “That’s so great!� I see her mouth say, but I’ve temporarily lost all hearing. It comes back with a crash when she squeals, “I have to go tell her! You’d be so sweet together!�

“No, Annie, don’t!� I cry, alarmed. “I want this to be kept secret, for now. But could you tell me something – something she likes?�

She looks thoughtful for a moment, an expression I’ve never seen on her face before (as harsh as it sounds), and then she says slowly, “She quite likes chocolate.�

I sigh. Everybody likes chocolate. That’s hardly big news. “Anything else?� I ask, hopefully.

“And tulips,� she says. “I’m pretty sure she likes tulips.�

I think for a moment, and then nod. “All right. I can do tulips. Thanks, Annie.�

“Any time!� she replies grinning, gushing over with happiness. I suppose she’s not that bad, really. She just takes some getting used to.

Where can I get tulips from? There’s a flower shop in Hogsmeade, but the next Hogsmeade weekend isn’t until ... tomorrow! How predictably convenient!

I spend the rest of the day at Quidditch practise when I should be doing homework, and planning my day tomorrow – when I should be doing homework.

I even manage to have a talk with a couple of girls on the Team about wooing someone.

I ask our Seeker, a young third year girl called Tracy, and she says that all girls want to be swept off their feet, and then she looks wistful. Then Maxine, the burly seventh year Beater, scoffs, saying that if any guy tried to sweep her off her feet, he would find himself being beaten into the ground with her trusty Beater’s club. And then fourth year Chaser, Fern, chips in, saying that most girls want to be able to have fun, and guys should just be nice to them, and make them laugh, because if they tried and sweep them off their feet and messed up, they would just look like stalkers. Then Doug, the sixth year Keeper says that he is just looking for a guy to make him feel special. Everyone gets a little weirded out by this statement, and we get back to practising our Quidditch skills, since that’s what we booked the pitch to do.

Needless to say, none of it is very helpful. I’ll just have to do what I can at Hogsmeade tomorrow, and hope for the best.

Tomorrow rolls around far too quickly for my liking, although by now I am calling it Today. I leave the castle with my mates, but break apart from them discreetly when we get to the village. I see Janey in high spirits through the window of Zonko’s, with Annie behind her looking a little bored. Then I go into the flower shop, and ask for a bunch of tulips from the woman, all in a rush, my cheeks flaming red. She asks what colours, and I say I don’t know, so she says she will put a variety in. I nod, wanting to be out of the shop as soon as possible. It’s smells sickly sweet, and the bright colours are giving me a headache, and the woman who is serving me reminds me too much of my mother – it’s the knowing smile, as if she finds what I’m doing cute, but doesn’t want to embarrass me by saying so.

“There you go, lovey,� she says, handing me the tulips after I give her some money. Even though I’m thoroughly mortified at buying tulips from a flower shop, I have to admit they are quite pretty. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I’m turning into Doug, who is renowned for being the most camp male in the whole school, whether he’s a good Keeper or not (which he is).

Janey and Annie are leaving Zonko’s, and I see Janey roll her eyes when Annie asks if she will come with her to Madam Puddifoot’s and wait for Lucas with her.

This is my chance. Deep breaths, Frankie. You can do it.

I stride up to them, and hand Janey the flowers saying in a rush, “HiJaneytheseareforyou,� and then blushing again – which is happening a lot lately.

Much to my alarm, she takes one look at what she is holding, looks horrified, and then begins sneezing again and again.

“Janey?� Annie and I both ask in alarm. Janey brandishes the flowers at me, and I take them back off her.

“What’s wrong with you?� she gasps, between sneezes. “Are you insane?�

I round on Annie. “You told me she liked tulips!� I yell at her, distressed.

“I thought she did!� cries Annie, her eyes practically filling with tears.

“You nut job!� screeches Janey. “I’m allergic to tulips!�

“Oh,� says Annie, cringing. “Sorry.�

I would laugh if I wasn’t so horrified. I give the flowers to Annie, and say, “You have them, you can give them to Lucas or something. Or maybe Doug. I’ll deal with Janey.�

Annie leaves, after apologising several more times. Janey glares at me, and snipes sarcastically, “Well done.�

“I’m really sorry,� I say, sincerely. She sighs.

“It’s all right, it’s not your fault. It’s Annie’s for not having half a brain cell.�

“I think she’s sorry, too.�

“Yes, I did get that impression,� Janey snickers, probably remembering how many times the poor girl apologised. She suddenly looks wary. “Wait a minute ... why were you buying me flowers in the first place?�

“Um ...� is all I can say for a moment. But then I know what to do. “Isn’t it obvious? Do I have to serenade you or something? Because it won’t be nearly as pretty as those flowers. You might even have another allergic reaction.�

And she laughs. “So, do you ... do you want to go out sometime? Or something?�

I begin to nod enthusiastically, but then remember to keep my cool. So I shrug, and say, “Yeah, okay.�

She smiles, and offers her arm. So I take it, smiling back, and we walk off down the road.

*~*~*

AN: Aw, how sweet. I wanted to give Janey someone to be happy with, and don’t you think they go well together? Why don’t you let me know? Eh? Eh? Eh? How about a review? Thank you muchly for reading!