I walked around, staring at the desolation around me. ‘How could this have happened?’ I wondered. ‘How could God have let this happen?’ What little faith I had in God evaporated. No true god would have let two people so good, so pure, die.


They were gone. Gone. The realization hit me, and as it flooded my being, I gave a great cry of anguish and sank to my knees, sobs wracking my body as I mourned the death of two great people.


‘What about Harry?’


The thought floated across my mind, and I lurched to my feet. I had completely forgotten about the boy. They had had a child, an infant that was only one year old. He had been so young, and now he was gone. I had to find him, even if it were just to say goodbye.


I walked slowly towards the wreckage of the house. Flames had been flickering when I had arrived at the scene, and now they were dying down, doused by the light rain now falling.


As I entered the house, remorse coursed through my body, enough to make me sink into the remains of an armchair, staring around me at the things.


Their things.


There was the living room, never to be sat in again. There was the kitchen, never to be cooked in again. There were the stairs, never to be climbed again- except by me.
Step by step, I mounted the stairs. There was the bathroom on the right. As I entered the next room, their bedroom, my heart almost stopped, and I slumped against the wall.


He was there.


His body was lying on the ground in a crumpled heap. There were hex marks on the charred remains of the wall, signs that he had put up a good fight before that bastard had taken his life. There were deep cuts on his face and arm, and his knuckles were torn, as if that bastard that had murdered him had disarmed him, and he had been forced to resort to Muggle fist-fighting. But his eyes were what captured my attention.


His hazel eyes were staring, unseeing, up at the ceiling. I could still see the emotions in them, even in death. Although the situation he had been in must have been terrifying, there was not a shred of fear in his eyes- only defiance. I gave a ghost of a smile; I don’t believe that I will ever truly smile again. That’s just like him- defiant to the last. I knelt beside him, tears falling from my eyes and splashing onto him and the ground. “Goodbye, James,” I whispered into the air. “Goodbye, Prongs.” I closed his eyes for the last time, resting my hand on his brow. He had been my best friend in life, and now he was gone. I sat there weeping for several minutes, and then stood up, glancing around in search of his wife’s body. It wasn’t in the room. ‘Could she have gotten away?’


A brief hope flared in my chest, and it warmed me for a few seconds, until I walked through the door into Harry’s room, which was connected to theirs.


I saw an overturned crib, and the curtains were ripped halfway off the windows. I saw a flash of red peeking out from under a blanket, and the hope that had so briefly inhabited me was gone. I gently knelt down beside the blanket and lifted it up. There was Lily, James’ wife and a woman that was like a sister to me, as James was like a brother. There were no marks on her body, and her fiery red hair fanned out behind her. Her emerald eyes were also staring, unseeing, up at the ceiling. They contained a tiny bit of fear, a lot of defiance, and a tiny bit of love and hope. I closed her eyes too, and sat there weeping for the both of them next to her. I reached down to her arms to where I thought Harry would be, but, my grasping fingers met only empty air.


‘Where’s Harry?’


I began to walk around the room, poking into corners and closets, hoping that Harry would somehow turn up. As I was about to give up, I spotted a little bundle on the ground beneath the upturned crib. Racing over to it and pulling it right-side up, I picked up the little bundle containing Lily and James’ son.


I stroked the side of his little face. He looked just like James had, and although he was only one, his hair looked like it would never lie flat. There was a bit of dirt on his forehead, and I rubbed on it with my thumb to get it off. It wouldn’t come off, and I rubbed harder, and then looked closer when it still didn’t come off.


It was a scar, in the shape of a lightning bolt. ‘How had that gotten there?’ I wondered. I absentmindedly ruffled the hair of the boy who had been my godson.


Had been… or was?


The bundle gave a great big squirm, and Harry’s tiny eyes opened. “Harry?” I whispered, not daring to believe it. He just blinked at me. “Harry, Harry!” I cried, tears of joy running down my cheeks as I hugged him close to my chest, as tightly as I dared without suffocating him. “Harry, you’re alive!” I was shouting now, my joy endless, as I began to envision raising him in my flat in Diagon Alley.


Tears of joy and loss flowed down my cheeks as I walked out of the door, closing it behind me after taking a long last look at the still bodies of the members of the only true family I had ever known. I was overjoyed that Harry was alive, so glad that, though the pain of losing my brother and sister figures was almost gone, it had been diminished greatly.


But that happiness was not meant to be. The shadow of a huge man loomed in the misty rain, and I shielded Harry, pulling my wand out. “Who’s there?” I shouted menacingly. “Don’t come near here, I’m warning you!”


“It’s alrigh’,” boomed a gruff voice. “I’m from Dumbledore. It’s Hagrid.”


“Prove it,” I demanded, jabbing my wand in his direction.


The figure stepped out of the mist, hands raised. “Alrigh’, Sirius, alrigh'. Ask me a question tha’ only I would know.”


I surveyed the man in front of me suspiciously. “On what side of the family are you a giant?” I asked; it was something Dumbledore had told us to ask Hagrid if we ever doubted his identity.


“Me mum’s,” Hagrid said confidently, his great mass of a beard moving as he spoke.


I lowered my wand. “Sorry about that,” I said, glancing around. “You can never be too careful these days. Well, it was nice to see you, Hagrid, but Harry and I must get going.”


“Why?” Hagrid asked, much to my astonishment.


“You don’t know?” I asked incredulously. “You’re saying that you don’t know?”


“Dumbledore only said tha’ Harry migh’ be in danger. What d’you mean, ‘I don’ know’?” Hagrid asked. He looked behind me, saw the ruins of the house, and went white. “No,” he whispered, shocked. I nodded silently. He moaned, and then fell to his knees with an earth-shattering impact. “Lily an’ James, Lily an’ James,” he kept repeating.


Seeing his devastation only brought back the pain I was feeling. I felt someone tremble; I looked down to comfort Harry, and then I realized that it was me. My hands were white, and I realized that the rest of me must also be.
“They were such great people,” I whispered, sinking to my knees beside Hagrid. “Why did they have to go? Who would do such a thing?”


Hagrid had no answers for me, and we knelt in silence for a while, sharing our grief and comforting each other, before he wiped his red-rimmed eyes and said, “Well, if you’ll just be givin’ me Harry, I’ll be gettin’ along.”


“Give you Harry,” I said sharply, drawing the boy instinctively closer to me. “Why would I be doing that?”


Hagrid looked startled. “Dumbledore’s orders, o’ course,” he said.


My heart sank. Harry was my last tie to Lily and James, the only refuge from my grief that I had, and now Dumbledore was going to take him away from me? “Let me take him, Hagrid,” I pleaded. “Let me raise him. I’m his godfather; I’ll take care of him. Please.”


Hagrid just shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sirius, but I can’ let you raise him. Dumbledore’s waitin’,” he added.


“Where, then?” I asked. “Where is the son of the two greatest friends I’ve ever known going to live? Who’s going to raise him? James has no family left, and Lily has no wizarding family. Where’s he going to go?”


“Who said anything about a wizarding family?” Hagrid asked shrewdly.


Realizing who he was talking about, I shook my head vehemently. “No,” I said, knowing even as I was voicing my protest that it was true. “Not Petunia.”


Hagrid nodded again. “Dumbledore feels that it’s best,” he said simply.


I began to weep again. “Do you have to take him?” I asked, although I already knew the answer; Hagrid just looked at me. “Just let me say goodbye, then.”


Once again, Hagrid nodded. I turned away, hugging Harry close to me as tears fell onto his tiny upturned face. He began to cry, too, and I started crooning to him softly. “Don’t worry, Harry. I’ll come visit every chance that I get. I wouldn’t leave the child of my best friend in the clutches of that Muggle.” I knew being a Muggle wasn’t a sign of inferiority; it was just that the Muggles Harry was about to go live with had to have the most medieval outlook on magic possible. “Goodbye, Harry,” I whispered to him. “Goodbye, James. Goodbye, Lily.” With him was going all my joy; he was the one thing I had left to live for- and now he was almost gone.


‘No.’


The thought popped into my head as I handed Harry over to Hagrid. He was not the last thing I had to live for. There was one more thing.


Peter.


He was the one who knew where they were. He was the one that I had convinced James to use as their Secret-Keeper.


And he had betrayed them.


Suddenly, I knew what I had to do. “Here, you take my bike, Hagrid. It’ll get Harry to Dumbledore faster. I know that you can’t Apparate,” I offered, although it tore me apart to do so; I loved that bike. But I had loved James and Lily more. They had been my family, and now they were gone forever.


Hagrid looked apprehensive. “I dunno, Sirius… I know wha’ tha’ bike means t’ye. Are ye sure?” he asked, although he looked relieved that he wouldn’t have to get Harry to Dumbledore by other means.


I looked him straight in the eye. “Yes, Hagrid, I’m sure. I have some unfinished business to attend to. Now go.” I handed him the keys, and he accepted them without a word, though I knew he was grateful. “Goodbye, Hagrid,” I said as he disappeared into the mist once again. Now it was just me and my thoughts again. “Goodbye, Harry,” I whispered into the darkness as I heard the roar of the motorcycle that had once been mine.


I looked back at the wreckage of the house once again. I knew that I would never truly forgive myself for my hand in their murder, however unknowing it may have been. I also knew that I was still in denial of the death of the two greatest friends I had ever known.


And then, I Disapparated, leaving the only family I had ever known behind me.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Minutes later, I arrived in the crowded streets outside of the Leaky Cauldron, already searching for the man that had once been my friend.


I was searching for the one who had betrayed Lily and James to the bastard that had killed them. I ducked into an alley, checking first to make sure that it was deserted. It wasn’t.


“Hello, Sirius, I was expecting you to show up,” I heard a familiar voice say in what was probably meant to be a pleasant tone; to me it just sounded empty.
“Hello, Peter,” I sneered. I couldn’t even express my disgust or my hatred of the pathetic excuse for a man that was standing in front of me.


“Now, my old friend,” Peter started in an agreeable tone, although the look in his eyes was nothing short of menacing, “we both know what happened here, and I know that I don’t want to go to Azkaban. Therefore,” he continued, though I wasn’t really listening; I was concentrating on how to keep him from backing me into a corner, which was indeed what he was trying to do. I was also concentrating on how much I hated this man that had once been my friend.


“Peter,” I said in a hoarse whisper, tears springing to my eyes once again, “how could you? Lily and James! They were your best friends, and you betrayed them! Why?”
A flicker of fear showed in Peter’s pathetic face. “You don’t know the ways the Dark Lord has to drag information out of you… he is not afraid to kill you to get what he wants. I didn’t want to die; what would you have done, Sirius? What could you have done against such a powerful wizard?”


I saw red. This little weasel had betrayed my brother, my sister. My family. And he hadn’t had the guts to stand up to his ‘master’ and die for his friends. Now they were gone. “I would’ve died,” I said menacingly, advancing on him. He cowered; both of us knew that I was the more powerful one out of the two of us. “I would’ve died rather than betray them. And you, you little weasel, you were too cowardly. You don’t belong in Gryffindor, you little Slytherin.” He winced at this, and I laughed harshly. “Oh, is that too much for you, little Peter? Is it too much for you to be associated with the house that the bastard that you call your master was in? Run along now,” I taunted. “Run along now to your ‘master’. See how he welcomes you. He will torture you, kill you. He is using you, and once you aren’t useful anymore, you will be disposed of. You see, you aren’t all that important. It won’t matter if you die now or later, only now, James and Lily are dead because of you. Are you proud of that, Peter? Are you proud that you have killed your friends?”


He was cowering even closer to the ground now, and I felt such disgust for the person in front of me that I spat on him. Then I said, “I will be merciful, Peter. I won’t kill you, no matter how much you deserve it. Let the Dementors have you. Go rot in the deepest circle of hell. I’m finished with you.” I turned on my heel to walk away, but I was stopped by the sound of his voice. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.


“Lily and James, Sirius, Lily and James!”


He had me cornered. There was nowhere to go. His wand was out, and there was a maniacal look in his eyes. On the streets, people were turning to stare, watching in confusion as this small man cornered me. And then I saw what he was doing.


His wand was pointed to the people behind him in the streets, and I saw a flash of metal as a knife swung down onto one of his fingers. He gasped quietly, so that only I could hear, and red trickled down his hand as a finger dropped to the ground. He gave some sort of signal, and then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark shadow move. I whipped my head to one side and saw a man dressed in a long cloak, wearing a mask over his face- a Death Eater mask. He had his wand out, and I heard a deep, guttural voice say something. “No,” I whispered, turning back to face Peter. “No…”


Seconds later, the world blew up.


I could hear the screams of Muggles and wizards alike as their lives ended. A rat was scurrying on the ground; one of its little fingers was missing. “Gotcha, Peter,” I whispered, and I tried my best to step on it. I missed, and the rat scurried into a nearby drain.


And then I laughed.


I laughed as I realized Peter’s cleverness in blaming me. I laughed as I heard the screams of people as their lives ended. I laughed as the Ministry came and took me away.
I laughed as my life came crashing down around me.