I wish you knew. I wish you knew everything that I keep inside. I wish I could tell you everything that has welled up inside of me. The things that are on my mind. You sit there as though there is nothing that bothers you; like you’re carefree. It’s rather annoying, actually. I glance at you everything so often. This time you catch me; you smile that perfect, lopsided grin and I feel the heat radiating from my cheeks. You recognize my slipup. I’m about to burst inside; my feelings for you threatening to consume me. As if they already hadn’t. Tears well up in my eyes and a lump forms in my throat. I watch the grin slide off your face to be replaced by a look of concern. I turn away as the first of the river of tears fall. The ache in my chest is unbearable. I wish that you knew. I love you. I love you. I love you.
“Hermione, look at me,” you whisper softly, yet commandingly.
So I do.
I see concern etched in your perfect face and I wish you knew.
Before I know it you have me enveloped in your arms and I’m sobbing into your chest. You’re whispering something inaudible in my ear, running your hands up and down my back in an attempt to calm me down, and placing soft kisses in my hair and on my temple.
You need to know.
I pull away from your strong embrace and look into your mesmerizing blue eyes. They show a mix of confusion and yet more concern; like you think that I’m falling apart in front of you.
“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?” I ask. Your eyes show yet more confusion, so I keep going. “I have… and I still do. Do you know how hard it is to pretend that everything is okay and that one day you’ll move on and be happy? I do, and trust me it’s not as simple as it sounds.”
You open your mouth and then close it again. Then nod for me to continue.
“It hurts to realize that they will never love you the way you love them. But never the less, I will never stop loving yo...him. I want to tell him how I feel. But I’m afraid it will ruin our friendship.” More tears spill from my eyes and you wipe them away with your thumb. Then you kiss my forehead softly, giving me strength and will power to continue. “I will never stop loving him… no matter what the war brings. He has taken over every thought in my mind and he has become the only thing I think about. His perfect face haunts my dreams, as if mocking me. If only you knew.”
Your eyes widen at my last statement and I feel myself blush for the second time today.
“The pain,” I say hastily. “If only you knew the pain it causes me to see him every day and pretend that the only feelings I have for him are ones of friendship.”
“But I do know your pain,” you say quietly. You smile slightly at the shock on my face. “I know exactly what you are talking about. I love her so much that I want to give her the world. I would kill to have her feel the same way. But she deserves better than me,” you finish, and stare into my eyes; like you are trying to read me. Then you do something that I never thought you would ever do.
You kiss me.
You cup my cheek in your hand and your lips gently brush against mine and then you pull away; leaving a tingling sensation on my lips.
“Hermione Granger, I love you more than you can imagine. You’re perfect, Hermione. In every way and I never want to be with anyone but you. I live to see your face, Hermione. And I’m petrified about the war because I don’t want to lose you. But I don’t-“
“Ron, don’t say that you don’t deserve me,” I cut over you, not caring that I’m crying so hard by now that I’m shaking. “Ron, don’t you understand why I told you all those things about my feelings?” I ask, but I don’t wait for your answer. “I love you. You’re the person I want to be with, Ron, and never say that you don’t deserve me.”
Your lips catch mine in another kiss. A kiss that is soft, sweet, and passionate all in one. A kiss that sends shivers dancing down my spine. When we break apart you wrap your arms around me and hold me tight. I never want to leave the comfort and security of your arms. I’m still crying and my tears are soaking through your shirt, but you don’t seem to mind; or notice for that matter. For the first time in awhile all my fears of the war have dissolved, even if it is for a just few moments. For the first time in awhile, I feel loved.