A million thanks to Snape's Talon for Betaing this for me!

Lyrics are property of 3 doors down, and all recognizable locations and characters are property of Jo Rowling.

And now, without further ado-

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face.

Sirius looked down at the puddle of water that had leaked in through the walls of the Wizard Prison. Cold, dirty water, that came from the cold, murky sea that surrounded this place. The same sea that now slapped the walls of this cold, cursed place. The desire to swim in those waters was strong. To be free –

Sirius put a clamp on that thread of thought. There was no way out. Surely he knew that by now. He picked up a sharp rock and slammed it against the prison wall, marking off the passing day. A chip flew off and struck his cheek, cutting deeply. Sirius roughly brushed away the blood that trickled down his cheek. He looked down at the puddle on the floor. Once handsome, his face was ragged. It was the face of a man whose life was at its end. It was the face of an old man, not a twenty-two year old, with all his life ahead of him.

But he didn't have all his life ahead of him. The markings on the wall proved it. One hundred scratches on the dark wall. One hundred days, wasted.

A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.

Sirius tore his gaze away from the wall. A shriek emitted somewhere to his right. It was the shriek of a guilty person; a person who deserved to be here. That didn't stop Sirius from clenching his fists in agony for the person, though. They were obviously being preyed on by a Dementor. He had been here so long, but he still couldn't help feeling the pain of his fellow prisoners.

'They are not my fellows!' Sirius protested to himself. 'I'm not supposed to be here. I'm not.' A flash of Peter's face produced in front of his eyes, and he slammed his fist into the wall. ‘How many lies had that rat spun? Surely they were even longer than his tail. Surely –'

Sirius bowed his head and put a tight leash on his anger. It wouldn't help him here. Not here.

He remembered the face of a much younger Peter. He had been a chubby boy they had decided to help, that they had all liked, even if he was slower. How many times had they saved him from harm? Then Peter had turned his back on them. Sirius could no longer see even the young Peter without any numb hate. That's what prison had done to him. It made Sirius as cold as the stone walls that surrounded him and as the puddle of murky water on the floor.

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.

He had to get Wormtail out of his mind. He had to. Anger would waste energy he did not have. He had to think of something else. Something – anything…

Nalanie.

He could still feel the soft touch of her skin and her fair body in his arms. He could hear her laugh as the sun made her dark hair turn honey colored. He could still picture the two of them sitting on the couch, snuggling together against the cold weather.

It was cold in his dank cell, though, and she was not here with him.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, it's only you and me.

He could still see her standing there, during the one visit she had been able to beg out of a man of influence in the Ministry. She had refused to tell him who, and how, but she said that she would get him out, that she would convince the Wizengammot of his innocence. She promised she would adopt Harry. They would wait for him and he wouldcome. He would.

The more he thought about it now, the more and more like a fantasy her words sounded. He had been here so long already, how could he possibly get out? He had to trust her. She never lied. Ever. She was his heaven, his haven. His Nalanie.

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello

The bars of his cage rattled. A Dementor glided in to give him his daily meal. Sirius shrunk farther to the back of the cell till his back is pressed hard against the wall, his feet in the cold, now muddy, puddle. The jailor put the aluminum plate down in a clatter. He drifted closer to Sirius, when he could have just left the cell. Sirius immediately felt the effect of the presence. He fought hard, but he couldn’t stop the hope he had gathered from bleeding away and into the Dementor. The Dementor drew closer.

“Go away!� Sirius yelled at the black-clad monster. “You’ve done your job, now go! Go!� The Dementor drew closer still. The bars rattled again, and Sirius nearly sighed with relief. It was one of the supervisors of the prison. Though the man looked unusually grim and drawn from the continuous presence of the Dementors, he got to go home every night. He had some strength to fight the beast. He would banish the life-sucking leech.

The Dementor left and the supervisor turned to Sirius.

“You’re lucky those are the rules. You don’t deserve this, not after what you’ve done.� The man gave Sirius a sharp look, and left, closing his only escape behind him.

I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

Sirius sat down on the pile of hay that was his bed. The dry grass bit into his thighs, and he sighed, remembering what his bed used to be like. Then the warden’s words came back to him. He nearly yelled that it wasn’t his fault, but stifled the urge. Nalanie would settle this. She would get him out. He just had to wait. He couldn’t do anything from within this particular bit of hell.

He ate a spoonful of the tasteless mess they called food. He wistfully remembered Mrs. Potter’s cooking. He bit his lip. She was only gone a month longer that James and Lily were. He and James had been equally devastated. They had cried for hours, until Harry had crawled into the room. James had picked him up into his lap and hugged him tightly. He softly cooed to his year old son.

Only one sentence had been understandable to Sirius. It was seared into his mind. “I’m grateful you don’t have to go through this. I wouldn’t want you grieving for your mother. I love her too much.� James had said.

Harry had reached up and tugged his father’s nose, saying, “Da! Da!� That response had brought smiles to the faces of the two grieving men. Until one hundred days ago, the scene would have brought a smile to his face. But now he was on the verge of tears.

James had un-knowingly foreseen his – and ultimately Lily's – fate. Sirius took a deep breath and attempted to blink away the moisture in his eyes. Crying would not do, no matter how absurd the situation was. They should be alive, and he and Remus should be with them. He should be with Nalanie and Harry. He missed his godson fiercely.

He took another bite of the slop. This time, the unbearably plain taste was followed by a bitter after-taste. It lingered on the tongue, just as it had been when he had first arrived. Initially he had wondered why, when he wasn't too busy mourning his friends, and yelling at the passing Wardens. After all, wasn't it always said that jail food was tasteless? A bitter after-taste was in fact, a form of taste. After a while the food had gone bland, and he had stopped wondering.

Now the pestering question was back, and he wondered if he was going mad, to wonder about such things.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it's only you and me.

Sirius looked to make sure no one was watching, and only then did he pull out a picture from his ratty robes. The picture was of all of them, his dear friends, during their last day of Hogwarts. They were all smiling, all so happy. Sirius looked at Nalanie's hand in the image. On the ring finger was a diamond ring. It had not yet been an official engagement, but it had been a promise. He had given it two her that year – on a day only seven days ahead of the one he lived in now. On Valentine's Day, the day of promises and comfort. The day you were supposed to spend together with your lover.

Sirius growled when he saw Peter. The tiny image continued to grin, undaunted. Sirius shifted his eyes to James, and Lily. They had just gotten together, and were both over their heads with happiness. They were all so full of life. In fact, they had had all their lives before them, or so they had thought.

They were supposed to be like that now, too, not separated by so many miles, physical and mystical. They weren't supposed to be in different worlds! They simply weren't. To be separated by physical miles was one thing – he could probably deal with that, for at least then there was the slightest chance of seeing them again. Now there wasn't, at least not until he passed from this world.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

Sirius eyed his meal with distaste. He had gotten used to the blandness, but he didn't think he would ever get used to bitterness, not the kind that stuck in your mouth.

He took another bite of the slop, and grimaced as he swallowed it. He realized why it was bitter. It was because his life was bitter. From the moment he was born, and would probably remain so till the moment he died. It always, always had a bitter after-taste. He hoped he wouldn't get used to it., because that would mean giving in. He would never, ever do that. Sirius Black did not give up.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go,
It gets hard but it wont take away my love.
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love.

"Black!" A voice yelled from beyond the bars. Sirius's head flew up from its bowed position. It was the supervisor from earlier. "Have you read the paper lately?" He cackled with grim humor and tossed the paper.

Sirius caught it, his chaser instincts awakening for the first time in what seemed like years. The supervisor looked surprised but regained his composure. He nodded and left swiftly. Sirius slowly opened the paper. His eyes immediately found the head line on the first page. The air stuck in his throat and his eyes prickled again. He closed his eyes, and let the tears free. He heaved a deep breath.

They were all supposed to be together, all of them. Even if he had to come to terms with the death of his best friends, it should have been the four of them. Nalanie, Harry, and Remus should all be together with him, and none of them should be in this place. He could picture Nalanie holding Harry with a smile on her face. He would be sitting beside her. Remus would be sitting beside him, leaning over in order to see Harry better.

They would play in the yard outside the apartment he shared with Nalanie, and they would be laughing, running free. They would teach Harry how to fly on a broom. Nalanie, would help him with his schoolwork over the summer. Remus would help too, in the areas he was better at. And nothing would ever separate them. Ever.

He opened his eyes and he could no longer breathe again. His eyes met the head line again.

BODY FOUND! NALANIE GESHAWN REPORTED DEAD.

It was all Peter's fault. If it not been for his treason, Lily and James would be here. When Sirius had gone after him in order to avenge them, Peter had cleverly framed him for their murder. Poor Nalanie. She wouldn't have been murdered if he hadn't framed Sirius. She was murdered because she knew the truth and would not be silent.

Murdered. His heaven wasn't supposed to be up there, in the heavens. There were enough like her up there. There was supposed to be a piece of heaven here on earth. The world needed it. He needed it. He needed it more than any.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl, it's only you and me.

Sirius pulled out a second image. It showed only Nalanie's face. She was smiling, and gazed at him. She mouthed 'I'm always here for you'. It was the picture she had snuck to in him through the bars, during her single visit. He brought the picture to his face and kissed it. Tears streamed from his eyes, and he hoped it wouldn't ruin the image. It was the last one he had of her. In the image, Nalanie was holding up her hand. She had said it; she had promised she would be here. She should be, but she wasn't, and that cut deeper than any Dementor's kiss. He longed for her kisses again, as he curled up on the damp straw, and held the image of his love to his heart.