Remus slowly came back to consciousness but didn’t open his eyes. He couldn’t remember where he was supposed to be. The last thing he remembered was…oh no.

The last thing he remembered was being underground with a pack of Fenrir Greyback’s followers. Fenrir himself had been there. And then the full moon rose…

Wherever he was, he didn’t recognize how it smelt. He listened carefully for any sounds that might give him a clue. He could hear movement, as though someone very light was carefully walking, trying not to make noise. He could also hear indistinct muttering. Until he could discern more about his surroundings, Remus was determined to feign sleep.

CRACK!

A dead man wouldn’t have been able to sleep through the piercing sound of a wooden chair hitting the bare floor. Remus slowly opened his eyes.

Tonks.

He should have known. There she was, scrambling to pick up the chair, cursing under her breath, running back to the side table where she had a number of potions and salves lined up. He wondered how he got here, but figured that this woman in front of him had something to do with it.

Molly had told him that Tonks hadn’t been doing well since he broke things off with her almost eight months ago. He thought that she was exaggerating, but now he could see that if anything, Molly had been downplaying how bad Tonks was. She was sickly and pale, her complexion ruddy, and her lips had lost all color. Her hands shook. She moved as though she had very little purpose, as though life had lost all its joy. Her hair, once a myriad of ever-changing color, now hung limp, lifeless, and mousy brown around her face. It didn’t shine, it didn’t move, it was just…there. Oh Merlin, what had he done?

“Tonks…� he croaked softly.

She spun around to face him. She looked terrified, as though she had been anticipating and dreading this moment for days.

“What happened?�

She gripped the edges of the table behind her, not daring to move any closer. “You were attacked. We think the pack you were with turned on you after you transformed. You’ve been unconscious for eight days now. We weren’t sure you were ever going to wake up.�

Remus closed his eyes. No wonder she was a wreck.

“Remus…�

“How did I get here?� he interrupted.

“Fawkes. Professor Dumbledore asked me to look after you.�

“I’m fine.� He made a move to sit up and Tonks was by his side in a flash.

“Where do you think you’re going?� gently holding him down on the bed.

“I need to get back – �

“You’re not going anywhere, you’re still not well.�

“I’m fine.�

“No,� she said softly but firmly, “you’re not.� Her eyes drifted down to a large bandage that covered most of his torso. “You heal fast, but not that fast, Remus Lupin. You’re stuck for awhile.�

He made a move to peak under the bandage, but she pulled his hand away.

“You can see it when I change the dressing later today. For now, get some rest. Would you like something to eat?�

He stared at her, unable to speak. She took his silence as a yes and left for the kitchen to find him some food. She returned a few moments later, carrying a tray laden with hot soup and tea. Remus braced himself for the inevitable trip, and possible burns the flying soup would induce, but none came. With amazing grace, she managed to get the tray to him without mishap. He stared down into his soup, avoiding her gaze.

“I’m fine, Tonks.�

“You are not fine. I’ve seen what they did to you. You can’t keep up with this much longer, Remus, it’s killing you.�

“Stay out of it, Tonks.�

“Do you know how terrified I was when I heard that there had been attacks? Do you have any idea what it’s like, knowing that you’re out there, putting yourself right in their way?�

He looked up at her. “And what would you suggest that I do? Ignore my mission?�

“No, I would suggest that you at least allow someone to look after you. You don’t have to do everything on your own, Remus, there are people who care about you.�

“I’m fine.�

“No you’re not. You’re falling apart. I can see it all over you. You’re pushing everyone away and hiding behind your mission as an excuse to do it. Why, Remus? Why are you pushing us away? Why are you pushing me away? If I were anyone else, if I were some stranger – �

“If you were anyone else, I’d still be asleep right now.�

Tonks eyes filled with tears at the jab, her features etched with the hurt his words had caused. She always had worn her heart on her sleeve. He’d always loved that.

Stop it, he commanded himself. Hurt her to save her. She didn’t realize the danger he put her in.

“Dumbledore shouldn’t have sent me here.�

“Well he did. And you’re stuck here, whether you like it or not.�

Remus settled back against his pillow and stirred his soup. Tonks stood up and walked away without another word. No matter how much it tore him up inside, this was for the best.

“Hurt her to save her,� he whispered into his soup. “Hurt her to save her.� The tears welled up in his eyes, and his throat burned with a raw ache, but he ignored both and concentrated on his meal. Tonks kept busy in other the other room and aside from the occasional thud or scuffle as she moved about the flat, she was silent. When he finished the soup, she came and took the bowl away without a word.

He replayed their conversation in his head a hundred times that afternoon, despite his best efforts to the contrary. He refused to feel guilt over his harsh words, but the icy weight of the sorrow it caused him was slowly seeping into his soul until he shivered with cold. With ironic amusement, he realized that even a dementor probably couldn’t even affect him now, as this was exactly the way he felt in their presence. The absence of Tonks created a void in him that drained all happiness from the world, leaving behind only sorrow in this shell of a man. He held fast to his resolve as she swept back into the room, all business. She said nothing, merely changed the dressing on his wound with all the care possible, but also without the tender touch he would have expected. He caught a glimpse of how badly he was hurt and knew that Dumbledore had been right to set someone to look after him. He would, however, remain steadfastly convinced that Molly or Madame Pomfrey would have been much better suited to the task.

Glancing around the small bedroom, Remus realized that he must be taking up the only bedroom and that Tonks had been tossed out of her own bed to accommodate him. Scrubbing his face with his hands, he thought to himself that the only thing left to do would be to kill Tonks’ pet Pigmy Puff and then his complete decimation of her well-being would be complete. How she could possibly still love anyone as pathetic as him still baffled him, and to his complete dismay, endeared her even more. Even so, as she crept back into the room to bring him a book, he grit his teeth and said nothing, hoping against hope that one day she would see that this had all been for the best.

As she was leaving the room, she stopped at the foot of the bed and turned to look at him. Her eyes burned with the thousand words she was dying to say, but the silence between them remained eternal. She left after a moment and as she walked away, the last piece of Remus Lupin’s soul died.