Many, many thanks to Colores for being a thorough, dependable, and extremely fast beta!

***



Alexandra Williams hurried into Grimmauld Place and rushed to join the other members of the Order of the Phoenix, hastily excusing herself for being late. She was new to Order, and she knew she couldn’t yet afford to make mistakes, but she hadn’t a choice. She had gotten caught up at the Ministry. Some idiot had managed to break the lift that got everyone out, so Alexandra had been unable to leave for about an hour, until they got the thing fixed.

After a cold look from Minerva McGonagall, Alexandra composed herself and managed to ask, “So, what do we know?�

Harry Potter answered her, drumming his fingers on the table in thought. “We aren’t exactly sure ourselves. We think there’s going to be an attack on Hogsmeade tonight.�

The atmosphere of the room was hushed, as if everyone were afraid of disturbing the silence. They all seemed to be buried deep in thought, and by the looks of their solemn faces, they were extremely concerned about this attack.

“The problem is,� started Hermione Granger, “that we aren’t sure if there is or there isn’t. And if there is, how many Death Eaters is Voldemort going to send? How many of our people do we send?�

“Another problem is whether or not this is a trap,� said Alastor Moody. “They could be luring us there for some reason.� He directed this to Minerva, who was looking extremely worried.

Alexandra sank in her chair. Whenever talk of Death Eater attacks came up, she usually became quiet. She knew if she was put out into the field she would be forced to kill, and there was a certain Death Eater she wasn’t sure she could ever hurt.

Theodore Nott was not to be blamed for his actions. Alexandra was convinced that her best friend had had no other choice, or that he had surrendered under the pressure from his father, a notorious Death Eater himself.

“Where’s Snape when you need him?� Moody muttered.

Alexandra looked up at this comment. Everyone had gone stiff, especially Harry Potter. His fist was clenched and his face was red with anger. It was clear he was straining to control himself.

Minerva paced the room. “Is there anything we know that can assist us?�

Remus Lupin spoke up. “We know one thing: Draco Malfoy will be there, along with Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini. Harry can explain.�

Alexandra’s heart jumped at the mention of her best friend’s name. She couldn’t believe the irony of it: this could very well be her very first time out fighting, and she had to come face to face with Theodore Nott. As hard as she tried, Alexandra could not forget their school days. She was sure she could not bring herself to hate or hurt Theodore.

“I…had a vision again,� said Harry. “I saw Voldemort. He’s upset with Malfoy, and he wants him to redeem himself in this Hogsmeade attack. Nott and Zabini are new Death Eaters, and Voldemort wants to test them. I’m pretty sure they’re going to be the only ones there.�

“Minerva?� An idea had popped into Alexandra’s head while Harry had explained the situation, and she had high hopes that it would work.

Minerva nodded her head for Alexandra to say what was on her mind.

“Well, as you now, Theodore was – is – my best friend.� Alexandra faltered. “I mean, I know I haven’t spoken to him in a while, but…Alastor said we need Snape. Well, how about someone who can do just what Severus Snape did? If I can get Theodore alone, maybe I can convince him to join us – he’s still new after all. He might even want to help, be a double-agent like Severus Snape was…� Alexandra knew even before she had finished that everyone thought her idea was foolish.

“What are the chances of him being convinced, Alexandra?� Minerva shook her head disbelievingly.

“High!� Alexandra argued hotly. She stood up, although being much shorter than Minerva McGonagall, this didn’t do much good in terms of attempting to look authoritative.

“Think about this rationally, Alexandra,� said Remus calmly. “You most likely wouldn’t be able to get him alone, and even if you did, what would you say to him? He most likely wouldn’t be convinced. You said yourself you haven’t spoken to him in a while. How do you know he’ll so willingly help us?�

“Look.� Alexandra struggled to control herself from bursting at the injustice. She was sure that had anyone else suggested the idea, they would have been practically honored. She wasn’t sure why everyone in the Order was so cold to her: because she was new and young, or because she had been a Slytherin at Hogwarts. “You’ve got absolutely nothing to lose! Why not just give me a chance to save my friend and to help us all? It’s got to work, I know him!�

It was Hermione who spoke first, in favor of Alexandra’s idea, which greatly surprised her. Hermione Granger had always seemed nothing short of an arrogant know-it-all to Alexandra. Seeing her stand up for Alexandra greatly changed her opinion of the bushy-haired woman.

“There isn’t anything to lose, is there?� Hermione was saying. “Why don’t we let her try? If it works, we have the upper hand. If it doesn’t, at least we tried.� Alexandra shot Hermione a grateful smile, to which she responded to with a small nod.

Kingsley Shacklebolt was next to speak. “I agree. It wouldn’t hurt to let her try.�

“At least five Order members should be with her,� suggested Ron Weasley. “She could speak to Nott alone; they could hide until she is finished. If things get too dangerous, they would be able to help her immediately.�

Minerva McGonagall was overruled, to Alexandra’s joy. She had never liked the woman, not even when she had been her teacher in school. To Alexandra, Minerva had always seemed a tad obnoxious – but maybe Alexandra’s opinion of her old Transfiguration teacher was influenced by her hate of the subject Minerva taught.

Minerva sighed, acknowledging that she had been defeated. “Who shall go with her?� she asked wearily.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, Alastor Moody, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger all volunteered to go.

Everything was ready. They didn’t have much of a plan, though. Alexandra wasn’t even sure how she would find Theodore. Hogsmeade was huge, and he could be hiding anywhere. All she could do was hope.

***

Alexandra walked casually through Hogsmeade. She wasn’t sure where everyone else was, but Kingsley had assured her that they would be right beside her. There was an advantage to using Alexandra: she was a new face, a face that no Death Eater knew. Or at least, no Death Eater knew she was a member of the Order. Besides, she was a pure-blood Slytherin, unlikely to cause any trouble. If she happened to run into Theodore with Malfoy and Zabini, in all likelihood, they would trust her to speak to him alone.

Luck was with her. She spotted Zabini and Theodore lingering by the Hog’s Head. Alexandra quickly caught up with them before they could enter. She had always been slightly put off by the Hog’s Head.

“Theodore.� Alexandra wasn’t sure what else to say. She had thought up words in her head before she had arrived, but they all seemed to have run away once she saw her old friend. He was much thinner than he had been. His skin had a yellowish tinge of a sick person to it, and his hair was wispier than ever before. His cheekbones were prominent and his eyes were eerily hollow.

Theodore pulled Alexandra way from Blaise Zabini, who was eyeing them suspiciously. “What the devil are you doing here?� he whispered furiously.

“Trying to stop you from making a big mistake,� Alexandra said, just as fiercely. “This isn’t you, Theodore. Why are you doing this? What did You-Know-Who and your Da have to do to convince you to do this? Did they threaten you?�

Theodore didn’t meet her eyes. “You’re wrong. I did this of my own accord. It was my choice entirely.� He looked up at her frantically. “Look, I can’t tell you much, but you’ve got to get out of here. There’s going to be an attack -�

“I know - �

“You don’t know anything, you have no idea! Just get out of here now, Alexandra, please! I don’t want you to get hurt!�

“What about everyone else, Theodore?� said Alexandra desperately. “You don’t want me hurt, but you don’t care about anyone else you kill?�

Theodore sighed. Alexandra felt hope shine in her chest. The odds weren’t against her, after all! Alexandra was right; she knew her friend, and there was no way he could be a Death Eater.

“Listen, Theodore.� Alexandra felt frantic; she knew she had to get her idea to Theodore now. “There are people working against Voldemort – I’m with them. I thought – maybe you would want to help us. You could be a – a sort of spy. A double-agent, if you will.�

Theodore looked into Alexandra’s eyes. He looked scared and desperate. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, a loud explosion shattered her eardrums.

“I’m sorry, Alexandra.� Theodore gave her one last regretful look before joining Zabini, and disappearing from view. Before Alexandra knew it, Death Eaters were everywhere. There were screams from all directions, and buildings seemed to shake.

It was chaotic. Harry had been wrong. This wasn’t just two or three Death Eaters, it was the whole lot. This was a full attack.

Alexandra ran towards the havoc, in hopes of helping. She was about to enter The Three Broomsticks when she came face to face with a horrible, hooded creature. The clamminess entered her stomach before she could fully register what she was dealing with; the moment she realized this was a dementor, she dug up happy memories.

“Congratulations, sweetheart!� Alexandra’s mother kissed her cheek and gave her a warm hug. “Not that we had any doubts you would get into Hogwarts, of course!�

Grand-Da picked up eleven-year-old Alexandra and spun her around, then put her high on his shoulders.

“Are you goin’ to make us proud?� he asked Alexandra.

“Yes, Grand-Da, I sure will!� Alexandra giggled as her Grand-Da spun her around in circles. She screamed happily. “I’m dizzy, I’m dizzy, put me down!�

“Expecto Patronum!� Alexandra shouted loudly. Her wand emitted nothing but a thin strip of silver vapor. She was panicking; why couldn’t she produce the happy memory that enabled her to defeat dementors? As the dementor came closer, Alexandra felt herself buried deep inside her, the dementor bringing up memories better left forgotten.

“Mum? What’s wrong?� Alexandra had walked in on her parents while they were fighting. Their voices had reached Alexandra’s bedroom, so it was not as if she had eavesdropped or anything.

“Nothing, Alexandra. Just go back up to your room, honey.� Her Da averted his eyes and spoke gently to her, as if she were a fragile vase he was afraid of breaking.

“Da, something is wrong, I know it! I’m not a little girl anymore. Da, what’s wrong?�

It was her Mum that answered. “You’re right, Alexandra. You’re not longer the lass I used to sing to sleep. You’re a big girl, and deserve to know the truth.� She threw her husband a look of extreme disgust. “Your Da is leaving us. He is going to marry another woman. A Mudblood woman.�

Alexandra looked at her Da in shock; he didn’t deny a word her Mum had said. Alexandra felt the tears spring to her eyes and cascade down her pale cheeks.

“Alexandra, let me explain – I’ll still see you every week, I’ll always be your Da -�

“I hate you!� screamed Alexandra through her sobs. “You’ve ruined everything! I hate you! Go away!�

“Expecto…� Alexandra closed her eyes and concentrated harder. She thought back to a time years before that awful memory.

“Da, this is beautiful!� Alexandra pulled out the beautiful dress robes her father had bought for her. They were a sparkly violet, with lavender lace. When she put them on, she discovered they fit perfectly. They hugged her figure, and then flowed to her feet.

“Da, thanks so much!� Alexandra kissed her father and gave him a grateful hug.

“Nothing is ever too good for my little girl.� Her father ruffled her hair.

Alexandra giggled. “Da, I’m not your little girl anymore. I’m fourteen!�

Alexandra’s father chuckled. “Does that mean I still can’t twirl you?� With that her Da picked her up and spun her high in the air.

Alexandra laughed heartily as her father continued to spin her…higher…higher…

“Expecto Patronum!� Alexandra screamed. She sighed in relief as a shining Golden Retriever charged the dementor. Memories of a happier time came with the dog. It reminded her of when her parents had still gotten along, when they were still a family. Unfortunately, had father had taken the dog with him when he and her Mum divorced. Alexandra’s Mum had always hated pets.

As the dog charged the dementor, to Alexandra’s shock, three more came out and fully surrounded her. She could no longer see her Patronus; all she could see was darkness; all she could feel was cold.

“Alexandra!� The voice barely registered in her mind as Theodore’s, but at this point, Alexandra was no longer fully conscious. She was buried deep within the travesties of her own mind.

***
Alexandra woke up on a hospital bed, Hermione Granger beside her.

“I just came to see how you were doing,� said Hermione, almost tentatively.

Alexandra smiled back to assure Hermione that she was glad of her presence. “What happened?� Alexandra asked groggily.

“It seems Theodore really is your friend. He saved you from a bunch of dementors, apparently. Do you remember that?�

Alexandra thought back. She didn’t want to remember what the dementors made her see – she didn’t want to remember the cold. “Yes,� said Alexandra hesitantly. “Just barely.�

“He gave you over to the first Order member he could find, which happened to be Kingsley. Then he joined the other Death Eaters.� Hermione beamed encouragingly, and squeezed Alexandra’s hand. “Who knows if he’ll contact us or not?�

Alexandra smiled. There was still hope. And after that horrible encounter with those dementors, she needed all the hope she could get. Her body could still feel the numbness they had brought over her. Alexandra had never liked dementors. She didn’t understand how the Ministry could fully trust such strange creatures.

Alexandra laid her head back on the pillow and thought about Theodore’s tortured look. Alexandra knew in her heart that he hated what he did; he hated being a Death Eater. She missed him so much, and it ripped her apart that she could do nothing to help him escape his treacherous predicament.

Alexandra turned her head from Hermione to hide the tear that slid down her cheek. The last time she cried had been five years ago, when her Da left her Mum. She had been in fifth or sixth year then, she wasn’t sure. Alexandra’s memory was never the best.

However, there was one thing that stood out brazenly in her mind. She remembered Theodore’s confession to her as if it had happened only recently, when in reality, it had happened in their seventh year. He told her he loved her, and that he wanted to be with her…. Alexandra had gotten scared, and she didn’t speak to Theodore for a while, not even after she left Hogwarts. She couldn’t help but wonder…would he have become a Death Eater if he had a friend…better yet, a wife to support him?

Alexandra wiped her tears away. She understood her feelings towards Theodore now. She was not a silly seventeen-year-old girl. She was fully capable of handling Theodore’s words now. She knew what she would do next time she saw him.

She turned to Hermione. “I want to get out of here as soon as possible,� she said happily. “I’m going to find any way I can to get in touch with Theodore.�

Hermione seemed a bit bemused. “Not worried, are you?�

Alexandra gave her a wide smile and replied confidently, “No. I know what I’m going to do to sway his decision.�