A/N: I don’t own anything you recognise…


Prologue – The Darkness of the Moon

***

I never saw the full moon. Ever since I was a small child, I was never in a state to appreciate or even look at it when it was the right time. I’ve been told that it’s beautiful.

I’ve seen pictures, of course, but as realistic as a picture or a painting may be, the real thing is still said to be much more impressive. The full moon’s light is like no other. It is very different from the sun, the light of a flame, or any artificial lighting. It somehow seems pure and ethereal. Very light and delicate, fighting a never ending battle with the darkness of the night and always being overpowered by the daylight.

***

A lonesome figure was standing in front of a window, creating a single shadow on the stony floor of a dark corridor. Remus Lupin stared outside, observing the effects of the moonlight on the winter scenery, and reflecting on his unique relation with this satellite of the Earth. He had a love-hate relationship with the moon; admiring its pureness and fearing the power it had over him. But on this late January night, he couldn’t help but remain silent and appreciate this delicate veil of sheer light with which it covered the grounds of the castle.

The sound of distant footsteps brought him back to reality, and Remus readjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder before reluctantly stepping away from the window to make his way to the end of the corridor. His prefect duties were over for the night but, as it was always the case, he wasn’t feeling tired. The night was just beginning; the best part of the day was approaching.

Soon after he had reached the end of the passage and turned the corner, he found an empty classroom and unlocked the door. Silently entering and locking the door behind him, Remus looked around. He hadn’t used this particular classroom in a long time. It wasn’t one of his favourites, as he much preferred smaller classrooms and those which had windows that he could open. But it would do for tonight.

The Gryffindor prefect dropped his bag on a table at the back of the classroom and slowly walked around the room for a few minutes. He didn’t think that this particular room was being used this term. The furniture was a bit dusty and there was a very subtle odour in the air. There was still no light in there, but this was no problem for the young man; Remus had always had excellent night vision. He could easily find his way around in the darkness, and even now, he was navigating around the stools and the tables with great ease.

Once he was familiar with the environment, Remus went back to sit at the table where he had dropped his bag earlier. After wiping the surface of the table with one of his sleeves, he took out his wand. He then used it to conjure several candles that he sent hovering over him in one fluid movement of his wrist. Finally, he lit them and stored back his wand in an inside pocket of his robes. The light of the candles was very soothing and instantly covered the walls of the room with impressive shadows.

Remus emptied his bag on the table, setting books, parchment rolls, ink, quills and other supplies in front of him. He then opened one of the books to the chapter that would help him with his essay and dipped his quill in the inkpot. After writing the title at the top of the parchment, he began to read with his quill poised in the air. Another long but enjoyable night was starting for Remus Lupin.



A/N: I first have to thank lily_evans34 for her great job on beta-ing this prologue. Thank you for your wonderful help! On a completely different subject, I just wanted to let you know that this is my first try at a fanfic in this category. I haven’t read that many either, so if this plot seems old to you or if you’ve seen it somewhere, it is completely unintended. I just love Remus so much that I had to write something involving him. I’d very much like to read what you think of it. Reviews are always a great source of motivation. This is only the short prologue to what will be a succession of short chapters.

A/N; I do not own anything you recognise.

Chapter One – The Darkness of the Night

***

I never thought I’d be lucky enough as to have friends to help me go through all this. Of course, to them, it’s more like a way to have fun, to defy authority. A group of teenagers sneaking out to spend the whole night running around illicitly without getting caught; learning untaught magic, illegally achieving high levels of transfiguration, and keeping it a secret. But even though it may look like they’re only in for the fun ride, I feel that there’s some solidarity under all this and I truly think they don’t quite fully understand what it all means to me.

***

Remus Lupin was once again walking the length of the passageway leading to the Shrieking Shack. This walk was always an interesting one. He knew all too well what was awaiting him at the end; that wooden cage that would hold him prisoner until he would become human again. Because that was all it was; a cage. It was just a way to isolate him from others, so that he wouldn’t hurt them. But it didn’t prevent him from hurting himself. At least not until the other Marauders joined him.

Remus always took his time to walk up to his house of torture. Who, after all, would run to a painful transformation and hours of self destruction?

Oh yes, Remus knew very well what was ahead of him. Yet, there was no way he could escape or even delay it. It was like walking to the guillotine… once a month.

The only comforting thought was that he knew his three best friends would come and join him later on. It would somehow distract his animal mind enough so that he’d stop gnawing his own limbs for a few hours. And when they were there, the cage seemed larger, and its prisoner felt that he wasn’t alone anymore.

A quarter of an hour later, Remus had reached his cell. He looked around him to see the usual boarded windows and doors, the torn apart furniture, and the walls that bore scratches all over them. He could smell decay, dust, and his own dried up blood from previous months. Fresh cuts would pour some more of the crimson liquid soon enough.

He walked up to a window and looked outside through a small gap between two planks of wood. Night was coming quickly; the sky was of a deep blue colour and the remaining light on the surroundings was greyish, making the snow appear even whiter than it was. The shadows were taking over the daylight once more.

Remus tore his eyes away from the outside world and went back into the big room. He didn’t bother to put up candles, or light lamps; he would only risk setting fire to the place later on if he did. Setting aside his school robes and his bag, he then sat down on the floor against one of the walls, with his knees to his chest, and waited. There was nothing more he could do, but wait for his doom.

He knew it was getting close once he noticed that his breathing was faster. He was now old enough that he knew the routine all too well, but even with that, the pain seemed to be different each time. It started with subtlety most of the time, but soon, much too soon, escalated amazingly fast into a cacophony of sickening sensations.

The teenager let himself topple onto his side as he was beginning to gag. It was literally making him sick from time to time. Tonight, the first real feeling of pain came from his hands and feet. It was like somebody had taken a knife and was cutting each toe and finger open lengthwise.

Remus closed his eyes as hard as he could; he knew he had only a few more seconds of sanity before the werewolf would take over his brain and he hated to see his body change. He felt on the back of his neck, and all along his spine, like each vertebra was pulled apart and dislocated. His skin was being punctured by countless needles as hair grew all over his body.

And then, he was Remus no more.

It was pitch black outside; only the bright shining moon illuminated the pure winter scenery. To the rest of the world, it would be a perfect night; fresh, invigorating, beautiful, inspiring. Only those who would pass by the Shrieking Shack would hear the ‘ghosts’ growling within its walls. The outside world was stunning. But inside, there was a blood-driven, possessed, and powerful animal. It was ready to eat. It was ready to bite. It wanted to feel warm blood gush in its mouth. It was getting only one night a month and it was determined not to waste it.

The werewolf was throwing itself at the walls, scratching with all its might, trying to find a way out of its cage. It would then turn in circles in the middle of the room a few times, mustering its energy, to next jump at the walls once more. The minutes passed slowly, but then the werewolf stopped and sniffed the air. There was no mistaking this glorious odour; it was blood.

Tracing the smell, the beast sunk its teeth violently around the injury. Its tongue enjoying the long awaited treat, it bit a little deeper into the flesh. Only this time, it let out a howl. It was chewing on its own paw. It was hurting… but then again, it was blood and fresh flesh. Its primal instinct made it go for the bite once again.

A few moments later, the trap door on the floor opened. The werewolf, quick as a flash, rose up on all fours and growled at the intruders. It was ready to jump, to attack. But the bear-like dog didn’t scare away, neither did the antler. Only did the rat keep hiding behind the others.

***

Hours later, a heavy silence filled the Shrieking Shack. The only thing disturbing the seemingly peaceful morning was the slight panting of a broken down teenager curled in a ball on the floor. He was bruised and stained with both dried up and fresh blood. The first rays of the sun sneaked their way into the room, dodging the planks boarding the windows. The moon had disappeared, leaving behind Remus.

Sirius, James and Peter had had to leave before sunrise in order to sneak back into their dormitories unnoticed, and had left behind the still menacing werewolf. Left without the good influence from the other animals, the werewolf took the opportunity to try to escape and bite a few more times, before finally relinquishing its power over to the human hidden within it as the day crept by. It had left Remus on the floor, still unable to move from the pain of his injuries and from the transformation back to his human form.

A quarter of an hour later, he managed to summon enough strength to sit, wincing at every movement. He slowly looked at each of his limbs and at his torso, evaluating his injuries. Every move he made hurt him, but he knew he would have to bear it until he reached the school and Madam Pomfrey. He next stood up shakily and walked, careful not to move more than was absolutely necessary, to the other room where he picked up his school robes and his bag. He slowly opened it and took out some clothes and rags. He used the rags to wipe some of the blood, then dressed, the fabric of the clothes irritating his already stinging injuries.

He finally bundled his school robes and stuffed them into his bag. He fastened it and took it in his hand, as his shoulders were too sore to support its strap. He then stood still for a moment, breathing slowly and trying to calm the pain. The walk back to the castle would be a long one today.

A/N: I do not own anything you recognise


Chapter Two – The Darkness of Pain

***

I’m lying all awake, once again, in this cold hospital bed. The springs are adding pressure on my wounds. Just another pain for me to endure. I always feel sad, and even ashamed, once the full moon is over. I burden so many people with this condition of mine. My friends, Madam Pomfrey, the Headmaster… They all have to cover for me, to look over me. They help me a great deal with it, but I still feel like… I fear that, one day, it’ll be too much, or that they’ll get tired of it, and just leave or tell everyone.

My body aches, my skin burns, my muscles are sore, but I’m lying quiet and still. Madam Pomfrey always does a great job healing me when I return from the Shrieking Shack in the morning and I don’t want to ask more of her. Anyway, I feel like I deserve this pain. Being a werewolf is part of me, I have to assume what comes with it. I can’t dump it all on everybody else’s shoulders. This pain is part of me. It’s part of who I am. I just have to live with it.

***

Madam Pomfrey was observing her regular patient from the corner of her eyes. She had come to know him pretty well over the years and she could tell that he was still suffering. The little creases on his forehead were a sure sign of his discomfort. But she also knew all too well that if she went to his bed to offer him some pain relieving potion, he would turn her down and assure her that he was feeling well and resting peacefully.

She was the one who took him on every time he came back to school after the full moon since his first year. His wounds were getting worse with every passing full moon. Remus had grown a lot since he started at Hogwarts and his werewolf-self must had gotten stronger. His injuries were more serious, his cuts deeper and his bruises larger. Even so, he always seemed to take it on with a maturity rarely seen at his age and with the support of his friends.

That was until the start of this year. Madam Pomfrey didn’t know if something had happened to him over the summer but since then, he seemed to need more time to recover after his transformations. It is always said that the mind can influence recovery greatly and it looked as though he was less and less eager to get back on his feet after the full moon. The school nurse observed this fact over the months. She noticed that he was much quieter, even when his overly-exited friends came to visit him. But nonetheless, he was always doing better after the visits of Pettigrew, Black and Potter. Those noisy boys could cheer up almost everybody.

Madam Pomfrey was still observing him when Remus turned his head towards her. She knew that she had been caught in the act, so she stood up and walked up to his bed. Putting her hand on his forehead, she asked him how he was doing.

“Not bad,� he answered.

“Is there anything I could do for you? Are you comfortable? Do you want a sleep-potion?�

“No thanks, I’m just fine.�

“Well, it’s almost time for breakfast so I suppose your friends will be here any minute now to visit you. That gash on your neck is still pretty red. Let me go fetch a potion to relieve the inflammation,� she added. She just couldn’t bear to let a student suffer in her hospital wing.

A minute later, she was applying a thick rosy potion on Remus’ neck when the door of the room opened. Three boys entered, their voices booming in the almost empty room. Remus wiggled on his bed, trying to sit straighter but Madam Pomfrey put a hand on his chest, pushing him back onto his bed. The lively trio did as it always did. Six arms took hold of a nearing bed and pushed it close the Remus’ before their owners jumped on it to sit and try to distract their friend from his misery.

“Whoa, Moony! You look worse than James’ hair!� exclaimed Sirius. Madam Pomfrey smiled to herself. It was always the same with those boys.

“Hey!� replied the offended, while Peter sniggered in his hands. James then proceeded to punch Sirius on the shoulder before changing the subject.

“How are you doing this morning, Remus?� he asked, as Sirius was rubbing his shoulder.

“Not bad. I expect I should be back on my feet this afternoon.�

“Well, we’ll see about that,� corrected Madam Pomfrey, closing her potion container. “I’ll evaluate you once more at noon and you’ll know then.� She then left the boys alone and went back to her desk.

“Hey Moony,� squealed Peter, “guess what James told to Lily this morning.�

And they were off. James, Peter and Sirius carried most of the conversation since Remus was still somewhat weak from his night-time activities. He didn’t admit it, of course, but the boys knew their friend well enough that it didn’t need to be said. It was like a routine now; they would visit Remus before class started in the morning, then leave him sleep through the morning, and finally come back to pick him up after lunch.

After the boys left to go to class, Remus let his head fall back on his pillow and sighed. The visit from his friends was a good distraction, but it still brought back the thought of how much his condition affected the people surrounding him. They had became Animagi for him, they were spending valuable sleeping hours keeping him in control, they were taking time to visit him, they were finding excuses to explain his absences to the other students… It was a lot to ask of teenagers.

Remus winced as he tried to turn on his side. He was uncomfortable on his back but it was just too painful to turn on his side. He sighed again and closed his eyes. He should try to sleep a little. Time would go faster that way.

Madam Pomfrey risked another glance towards her patient. His eyes were closed but his forehead was still wrinkled. She thought that she should maybe try to talk to the Headmaster. If those boys were unable to cheer him up, who would? Something was clearly wrong with Remus.