There was something about the shabby room that I hated. I couldn’t explain it, but everything from the faint hum of the refrigerator to the scraping of the chairs against the dirty floor to the dreary glow of the falling slush bothered me. Maybe it was because it never changed, maybe because I knew the work I did in the building wasn’t nearly as important as what I could have been doing, or maybe it was what James thought. James thought that it wasn’t “magical� enough for me. He thought that working with Muggles wasn’t something I cared about, especially since I didn’t get paid.

I hoped he was wrong. I hoped that I didn’t really abandon my roots. I hoped that I still felt some loyalty to the world that I came from. I hoped that I hadn’t become so numb that the battered, the abused, meant nothing to me.

I was hidden in the corner behind one of the round tables, wind whistling behind the thin glass of the window. My mind was elsewhere though, so far elsewhere that I didn’t even notice Eleanor Nelson, or Nelly, walk in, a too-cheerful smile stuck on her face. That was, until she sat down right across from me.

She was always so happy, so inquiring, so fake. What annoyed me most was how obvious it was. I mean, she wasn’t mean, but it was clear that she wasn’t always as happy as she seemed. Behind the mask was a hidden bitterness. Every once in a while, it would show, and I liked her best at those times.

“How are you, Miss Lily?� Nelly asked sweetly, pulling out her lunch.

I blinked, snapping back to the room, back to the sloshing of cars running through melted snow, back to the probing eyes of Nelly.

“I’m well, how are you?� I said, mind still not with her.

“Oh, dear, at this age, I’m not as lucky.� She gave a loud laugh, and I laughed too, knowing that it was not the least bit funny. One day, I would have liked to tell her off, but at that time, since she was a good friend of my mother’s, I went along.

My mother….The woman who insisted that I volunteered with her. The woman so much like Nelly – so questioning. So much like Petunia. And so little like me. But, still, the parent I had left. And because of that, I did what she asked, tried to make her happy.

“So,� she leaned in, eyes alight, “what does the dress look like?�

I looked back up at her listlessly; it was apparent that I had no interest in our conversation. “What dress?�

Nelly gave a toothy, mischievous smile, her eyes closing. “You know, Petunia’s dress. I’ve heard it’s a big secret.� She urged me with her head, a smile still present.

“Since it’s a secret, I really have no idea. She’d be more help than me,� I replied sourly, hoping that would stop the conversation, leaving my mind free to think.

“Ah, oh well.� Nelly paused, taking a sip of something from a mug. It wasn’t steaming, so I doubted tea or coffee. She was probably drinking some liquid mixed with gin. I never would have guessed, but my mother told me that she was quite a drinker. No wonder she was always so cheery.

I returned my gaze to the window, a cold radiating from it. I was glad that I was wearing a turtleneck sweater. I had always liked turtlenecks, especially this one; it was a lovely shade of green. My hair was long, thick, and hanging down on either side of my head. I imagined that my skin was pale, since that was how I felt.

“When will you be getting married?� Nelly asked blatantly after a moment, and I knew that she had been bursting to ask.

“Oh, er… I’m only eighteen.�

“Nineteen this month!� She raised a finger and waggled it at me.

Before, I may have said that I thought it would be soon. I would have mentioned that we were very happy together, and marriage would come in time. I would have attempted conversation with Nelly, talked to her about James, and mentioned how blissful we were.

I would have said that.

But I didn’t think like that anymore. We were falling apart. Something was wrong – off – and I didn’t know what it was.

“Your mother tells me this boy is very rich!� Nelly’s eyes were hungry, maybe even jealous. What she wouldn’t give to be young again. Time hadn’t been horrible to her, or maybe it just could have been worse. She was short and plump, with short, grey hair. It fit her though, and almost looked stylish. Her eyes were aqua-coloured and had a friendly air. But at the same time, it was easy to tell that she was bitter. She was bitter because she didn’t have everything she wanted.

When I was young, Nelly would look longingly at me, eyes hovering on my hair for an extra second. Then she would tell me how her hair had once been the same colour. Her voice meant to be friendly, but I could tell that there was envy in it.

I shrugged. “He’s well-off,� I said curtly.

I didn’t like to talk of James’ money. The biggest reason was simply that it wasn’t any of their business. Who was Nelly to ask me about my boyfriend’s finances? And the way she asked… Everyone automatically assumed that his money was my reason for me being with him. That was the farthest from the truth. If I didn’t love James, his money certainly wouldn’t have made me stay. He was a prat in every way, but I was in love with him. No money would do that.

Nelly looked a little put off by my cold response. Serves her right, I thought. I would have given anything to be out of there. Then with a jolt –

“What time is it?� There was anxiety in my voice. Had I been so engrossed in my thoughts that I missed what I had feared?

“Oh. It’s quarter to two.� Quarter to two. One forty-five. A wave of trepidation soared through my skin, my stomach jolting uncomfortably. It’ll be fine, I told myself, swallowing hard, unaware that I was staring at Nelly.

“Something on my face?� Nelly finally asked, rubbing her mouth and breaking out into peels of laughter. I managed to twist my mouth into something that could have barely resembled the ghost of a smile.

“I-I have to get going. M-Meeting James at two,� I croaked out.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never nervous about seeing James. I was completely comfortable with him, something that I hadn’t known before. In every aspect, we fit. We knew each other, our humour, our dreams, our likes and dislikes, our beliefs and personalities – the perfect match. Or so I had thought.

Things hadn’t been right lately. He had been acting differently, like he wasn’t mine anymore. He had been distant; anxious and odd. I knew he was going to break it off in the back of my mind. I just knew it. He was James Potter, why had I thought I could trust him? I should have known that it’d just be a matter of time before he got bored of me. I mean, Lily Evans and James Potter, dating? The sentence was an oxymoron.

I slowly rose from my chair, my body feeling like a machine – stiff and strange. If I had been stronger, I would have gone and dumped him before he could do it to me. I would have saved myself the hurt; I would have held the cards. But I knew I couldn’t do that. No matter how strong, how brave, I wanted to pretend to be, I wasn’t. I was in love with James, and I would have begged him to stay… I didn’t want it to end.

Walking to the bathroom to Apparate, his face was so clear in my mind. His smiling, boyish face, his bright eyes, his hair that never laid flat. How I would miss that face. It’ll be weird without him, I thought, knowing that was the understatement of the world. Weird without him? My life would be in shambles.

Or maybe it’d be better. I’d meet someone who would be a much better match for me than James Potter, the biggest jerk in the world.

He’s not a jerk.

Yes, he is! He’s going to dump you.

We don’t know that. Thank Merlin that I actually had a voice of optimism in my head. Even though it didn’t do much. James had been acting exactly the same way as Travis Campbell had before he broke up with me in sixth year. Boys were all the same… Then again, when Travis did this to me, James broke his arm in a “spell-gone-wrong� incident. Even though he was happy that I was free, he wouldn’t let someone hurt me. And while I yelled at him, telling him that I could fight my own battles, I secretly liked it.

Could James, so adamant about protecting me, hurt me worse than all others?

*

The plan was to meet at a nearby park. In fact, as I numbly made my way to our meeting spot, I remembered that my parents had met there. Well, they had known each other since childhood, but their first memory of one another was at that park. It was where they had been engaged and married.

My mother had told me this when I was about nine years old, and how I still remembered baffled me. Maybe I felt a pull, a part of me recognizing that it held part of my family, but I couldn’t be sure. Really, I couldn’t feel much. I was too nervous, and well, the cold was unbearable. Even with my heavy winter cloak, thick gloves, wool scarf and hat, my teeth chattered uncontrollably.

When I got to the bench we were meeting at, I silently cast a warming charm, and peered around for James. There were a few couples, presumably Muggle, around. They were holding hands, laughing as they dodged icy patches, grabbing long icicles hanging from low tree branches… Whether it was love or infatuation, old or young, I wished that I had that. Well, still had that, for that had been James and me.

On the distance hill, I could see a young family sledding. A young couple was ice-skating, not older than fourteen. Children were throwing snowballs when their parents turned their heads, laughing happily, satisfied from Christmas.

Not far from the bench I was sitting at was a redheaded boy pulling the braid of a dark-haired girl. The dark-haired girl looked lividly back at him, dark eyes – no, blue eyes – on fire. He looked sheepishly pleased and quickly ran, laughing as she chased him.

I sighed, averting my eyes from them. I focused them on the other people, checking for James. Black hair, black hair, I thought, scanning the crowd.

No…Why wasn’t he there? He had asked to meet me, and then was late. What was he playing at? My foot tapped uncontrollably, the way it always did when I was nervous. It drove me crazy, but I couldn’t do anything about it.

I fidgeted on the bench, playing with the idea of just leaving. I could have gone. He was late anyway; I could have just told him that I couldn’t get out of the centre. The idea ran through my mind, looking ever-more appealing, but at the same time, it would just have been delaying the inevitable.

It was over, and I would accept that. I could live without James; I had for so many years. Things would change, surely, but that was the world. My mother always told me that that was the only thing you can expect from life – it changes, it goes on, and it surprised you.

Still…

I looked rapidly for James; getting angrier the longer he was late. The stupid redheaded boy and blue-eyed girl were now rolling around in the snow, not looking like enemies, but like best friends. I couldn’t help but get the feeling that they were. Behind the glare she had given him was nothing but affection.

Heart beating faster, expecting something, I combed the park again. That’s when I saw him, walking toward me. He was still in the distance, but I could make him out, and he looked awful. There were purple bags around his eyes, which stood out terribly again his pallid skin. His face was worn, as though he had lived a hundred years in a few weeks, and eyes nervous, darting around.

Yet, he was James. As dreadful as he looked, as tired and unlike himself, my heart still rose to my throat; my eyes still never left his thin frame. I couldn’t tell if he saw me or not, if he did, there was no recognition in his eyes. He didn’t smile or wave. He simply looked around at the scenery apprehensively, as if something was wrong.

Forcing a smile, he quickened his pace when he noticed I was there. Panic filled my cells. James never had to force a smile. Something was wrong….

“Hey,� he called unenthusiastically, drawing near. I stood up, watching him carefully.

“Are you alright?� I wanted to keep my voice cool when I spoke to him, cold even, but it betrayed me. There was concern in every note of every word.

“I’m – I’m fine. Just had to pick something up. Sorry.�

Unaware I was doing so, I threw my arms around him. I wanted to bridge any gap that was between us; I wanted to tell him that I still cared. I wanted things to be all right.

He hugged me back for a moment, and I breathed easy. I thought that things were okay. That was, until he resisted and almost pushed me away. I stared blankly at his nervous face; he avoided my gaze and raked a gloved hand through his hair.

“What’s going on, James?� I finally asked boldly, unable to handle the mystery anymore. He finally looked me in the eyes, and they looked despairing.

“What is it?� My eyes prodded his more, hoping they would make him break down, make him do what he came to do.

“Lily.� He gently placed his two hands on my shoulders and gently guided me to the bench. “We need to talk.� For a second, I couldn’t breathe. Those were the exact words Travis Campbell had used! James was throwing in the towel…

I looked expectantly at him, hoping that I wouldn’t begin to cry when he severed ties. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. I prided myself on always being stronger than him, always holding the upper hand. I wished that were the case…

He took a breath. “We’ve been together a while now.� And you want to be free. “Uh, quite a while, thinking of it, close to two years.� And you’re tired of it. “I’m – Lily – I’m not really sure how to, er, say this. I’m not sure how you’ll react…�Probably violently. That’s what I was sure he thought too; he looked as though he thought, that when he dumped me, I’d pull my wand out right there and kill him. In fact, it wasn’t a bad idea…

“Well, I, uh.� James gave an uneasy smile, face paling even more. “How’d you like to be in my wedding?� He fumbled with the question as I stared with disbelief.

“W-what?� I asked, stunned. Had he really invited me to his wedding? Who was he marrying? I couldn’t breathe…I was going to die. That was, until anger rose inside of me. He was marrying, was he?

“I-I, you! You’re getting…married? To who?� I sputtered, disbelief screaming out. My mind was racing, and he had the nerve to look at me like that. He was gaping with surprise. How did the dolt expect me to react? Jump up and accept the invitation to be in his wedding?

My mind was spinning in a daze of confusion, wanting James to say something, anything. I wanted him to confirm, to defend, to apologise, to say something!

That’s when it dawned on me. “The Arabian Princess,� I said slowly, eyes not looking at him but at the snow-covered trees in the background. “You-you were just playing around with me! I bet you thought I knew, since Sirius told me… but I thought, I thought that he was kidding! I, and now… You’re-you’re,� I swallowed hard, tears springing to my eyes, “you’re going off to marry her!�

After a few moments silence, I gathered my courage and looked up at him. I didn’t know what I expected, but not what I saw. His face was aghast and confused. He didn’t have to play dumb!

“I – what?�

More tears sprang to my eyes.

“You’re promised to an Arabian Princess, and you thought I knew, that’s why you invited me to the wedding! But to be in it!�

“Arabian Princess?� James repeated, as if the words were foreign to his tongue.

“I know all about it!� I said hotly, anger flowing through my body. He was just like my father! He didn’t care about anyone but himself; he didn’t care who he hurt. “Sirius told me all about it in sixth year! How your parents set up an arranged marriage to seal a business transaction. I thought he was joking! Or that he lost his marbles. But it’s true, isn’t it?�

“Oh Merlin,� James groaned, looking as if he were going to be sick.

I was beginning to sob quietly; the whole thing was just too unreal. But what was real, what was expected? I didn’t expect my father to find love in a twenty year old and run off with her when I was thirteen. I didn’t expect him to raise her children, and call five times since. I didn’t imagine my mother dating more than Petunia and me combined. So what was so strange about James being promised? After all, I didn’t know much about the Wizarding world’s pure-blood families’ dealings.

“So, what’d you want me to be – bridesmaid, maid of honour, flower girl?� I spat bitterly.

“Actually,� James answered quietly, “the bride.�

I was sucking in a deep breath, ammunition for my next round of yelling, when his words sunk in and I froze.

“W-what’d you say?� I questioned, unable to believe what I had heard.

“I – er – I guess I should get down on his knee for something like this…� he murmured under his breath, blushing a little bit. I was frozen to the bench, telling myself to breathe in and out.

James dug in his pocket, and within a minute, fell to his knee, looking up at me. I was horrified, unaware of what was going on. My mind was a blank slate; the only thing in it was a screaming voice. He’s proposing! it said.

“L-Lily, there was never an Arabian princess. There has only been you. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. If there were a thousand beautiful Arabian princesses, I’d always pick you. I-I can’t imagine a life or future without you. I could never stand for you to be a bridesmaid or flower girl, not at my wedding; you could only be the centre of attention. Lily Joyce Evans, will you marry me?�

After a second – he must have forgotten – he pried the box open to reveal a medium-sized ring. It was beautiful and sparkled underneath the winter sky.

There was a painful silence, as I looked into his eyes, contemplating it all. James looked nervous, like he was sure I would say no.

“Potter,� I finally said quietly.

“What?�

“No, it’s Lily Evans Potter.� When he finally realised what I had said, a huge smile broke out on his face.

“You – you’re saying yes?� he croaked, stunned, tears in the corner of his eyes. I smiled, nodding, watery-eyed too.

He jumped up immediately, and when we were both standing, threw his arms around me.

“We’re engaged! Everyone, we’re getting married!� he cried out to anyone listening as he slipped the ring on my finger.

*

Walking around the park, a small fire in a jar, I had never seen him look so happy, and I had never felt so happy.

James’ arm was slung around my shoulder, face close to mine.

“You know, this Arabian princess.� He let out a laugh, mirth in his eyes. “Sirius made it up to make you jealous.� I grinned, feeling like an idiot for actually believing he invited me to the wedding of an Arabian princess and him.

“I should have known – no Arabian princess would marry you.�

“Yeah… – Hey! Why not?� James feigned offence.

I leaned into him. “Because she’d know I’d kill her.� Smiling, he pulled me tighter, and we fell into a comfortable silence, enjoying the warmth of the flame.

“Ugh! Bad move!�

Curiously, I followed his eyes. They were watching the blue-eyed girl and redheaded boy with a look of amusement. From what I could tell, he had pecked her on the lips, much to the girl’s disdain.

I smiled, remembering countless occasions where James had done that to me.

“You would know, huh?� I teased playfully.

“Hey,� he said, looking at me with love, “I got the girl.�