I feel him staring at me. Again. If only he will quit; if only he will just give up. Even now—and it’s nearly the end of sixth year—he still fights. I can’t concentrate on exams when he keeps looking at me like that. What does he expect me to do? Jump off my seat and say, “Hey everyone, I don’t want to go out with James Potter!�? Or does he expect me to profess the love I don’t feel or even the hatred that I can’t feel? 

But why am I no longer as bothered by him looking at me? I used to always want to yell at him or hit him for annoying me so much. It’s still annoying, of course, but in a different way. 

I can’t really explain it.

But it doesn’t matter what I think about it, honestly. I’m probably just a game to him. He plays games all the time—I honestly doubt he’s ever serious. What will even happen—I can’t believe I’m saying this!—if I do date him? Will he celebrate for a few weeks and then decide he's bored? I bet he will. For gods’ sakes, he will never be able to hold a relationship. You can tell just by his personality.

Well, yeah, I guess he hasn’t dated anyone before... But that doesn’t mean he’s serious! He can just be really stuck on his prize. You know—he wants to get me so badly that he’ll wait until he’s finally succeeded to get on with his life. 

Obsession. That’s all it is. He’s obsessed. I really doubt there’s any affection at all mixed in. 

Faintly, through all my thoughts, I hear Professor Flitwick say, “Lily? Haven’t you practised at all?�

My head snaps toward the voice behind me. Instead of looking at my professor, I finally meet a pair of hazel eyes. I bite my lip as I see his expression. His eyes look soft, and his face is full of something other than obsession. Love? Affection? No, I’m just a game, remember? That’s all it is: just a game.

I flip my hair as I turn around, telling James as clearly as possible that I don’t bloody care whether he lives or dies. Not that I actually think that! But if he thinks I’m just a stupid contest, then I want him to think that he doesn’t matter to me at all.

Not that he does matter—that’s certainly not what I’m saying. I’m sure he would matter to some other girl... One he would love rather than just tease.

Wait—I’m supposed to be thinking of something else right now... What is it?

“Charms, Lily! Aren’t you concerned about exams?�

Oh no! Charms! I’m supposed to be one of the best in the class, but here I am not even doing the assignment. I’ll be given extra homework tonight and I can’t say that I don’t deserve it.

“Lily!� the voice says again. I unwillingly turn around, keeping my gaze away from the eyes that demand that I look. 

“Yes?� I say, my voice much more shaky than I want it to be.

“Are you all right?� my professor asks me quietly as he comes over to me.

I can hear a voice inside my head screaming to lie; to tell him I don’t feel well and that I need to leave. But why—why—will I even want to say that? That will mean that I'm running away from something.

Honestly, there’s nothing in the class to run away from! Just a few students, a teacher, and a boy who insists on staring at me. Nothing big or important. Nothing to leave for.

“Of course, Professor. Just a headache,� I lie. I add the headache part on just for good measure. A headache is excuse enough for not working as well as usual, but it also isn’t enough to have to go to the Hospital Wing. A perfect excuse.

Professor Flitwick seems to think so, too. “Well, if you feel any worse...�

I nod and pretend to do something. I even try to do some practising. It doesn’t work. Completely impossible. My concentration is completely gone.

I can sense him staring at me again. Something bursts inside me, and I can’t even think straight. Abruptly—and a bit too boldly—I swivel around  and match his gaze with my own. His eyes widen, but a knowing look spreads over his face. Just what exactly he knows, I have no idea.

I glare at him, as though daring him to keep looking.

Damn him—he does! Even a withering stare doesn’t seem to work on him. I spin around again, making sure to let him know I don’t care what he thinks, and, in exchange, I get a fleeting, sad look before I’m completely turned around.

What’s he got to be sad for? He’s won this round, hasn’t he? I've turned away first.

Whoever turns away first has lost.  

About a minute of furious reading later, I look up when I notice a small paper bird floating in front of me. I grab it and look behind me. He looks at me, his face apologetic.

I don’t need your bloody sympathy, I think furiously as the note crumples in my hand. I feel guilty for not even reading the paper, but I pocket the badly wrinkled paper.

One point for me. 

See, James, it is just a game.

But I don’t want to be in the game, remember? I’m supposed to be the logical one—the one who sees thing for what they are. I don’t do things the roundabout way. 

A feeling spreads over the pit of my stomach, and I look back slowly again. For the first time, he isn’t looking at me. He’s looking away, his face sad and hurt. A pain shoots through me. I haven’t meant to make him that sad, honestly. I just want him to stop bothering me.

“Now, Lily, really,� the high-pitched voice says again. James head snaps toward me, and he looks wonderingly at me. I meet his gaze again. Is there something deeper than wanting to win a hard-fought battle in his eyes? I can’t entirely tell, but it is enough to scare me a bit. Professor Flitwick continues, “Are you sure you feel okay?�

I gulp and shake my head. “May I leave?� I manage to gasp out.

“Of course!� he says behind me, but I’m already halfway to the door.

I lean against the wall in the hallway, calming my nerves and catching my breath.

Score: James–2, Lily–1.

Why does it seem I’m always losing this game?

Because it is a game to him.... 

Right?

---

A/N: I have to put a note on the end of this as well. This is just a one-shot (in case anyone asks ^_~). And there will be a chapter in Unrequited that is basically this fic (with a bit more to the end) from Sirius’ POV. If this fic convinces anyone to read Unrequited, I’ll be very happy indeed! Oh, and you see that little review box? I would love for you to use it!