The Ballad of Odo



The village of Glumble was sleepy and still

Tucked away in a faraway spot

For hundreds of years very little had changed

All its people were idle and squat.



‘Twas a shock to them all when one day was heard

Yells and shouts; a right hullabaloo

Inside a small house, a new babe had been born;

But an odder child, none of them knew.



But ten minutes old, he hollered and squawked,

His little limbs flailing and strong.

He would not lie still, and he would not be calm,

His poor mother moaned, “What went wrong?�



Odo they called him; Odo the Odd,

For Odd Odo was very...unique.

Not idle and squat, but lively and lean

(All agreed that his future was bleak).



When he was three, Odo wanted a wand,

At five, he was riding a unicorn.

By ten, he’d acquired a sword and a shield,

But by twenty, was rather forlorn.



“I’m bored!� he cried, “And I’m sick of this place,

I’m the only interesting thing here.

I want to fight dragons, I want to be bold,

Rescue damsels; I’m sniffing out fear!�



So Odo the Nuthead (that’s how he was viewed)

Left Glumble in search of some fun.

Dragons he bashed, ailing maidens he helped;

His great life had barely begun.



At thirty, he was known as Odo the Brave

(He was gallant and bold, it is true).

Once, he rescued a witch from the jaws of a Sphinx

Deeds of daring he’d not done were few.



Courted by dozens of dewy-eyed maids,

And cheered on by admiring fans,

He was Odo the Happy and Odo the Proud,

And Odo had Odo-ish plans.



“I’ll fight the dreaded Chimaera of Frume!�

Odo shouted, raising his wand.

“I’ll knock off his head and fry his insides,

Then I’ll send him to Hell and beyond!"



The Chimaera of Frume was an unpleasant beast,

Ever peckish, hot-tempered and stressy

His favourite game was to sneak up on kids,

And – well, the rest’s rather messy.



But Odo the Reckless rode into his lair

Wand held high, and sword out of its sheath

The Chimaera of Frume looked somewhat annoyed,

Roared, and bared all his fifty sharp teeth.



It was harder than Odo the Gallant had thought;

Twenty days the two fought without rest.

Odo’s hair was on fire, his poor hat was squashed,

The Chimaera was coming out best.



“You’ll lose!� Odo yelled as he doused his burnt locks,

“You’re going to die, you mean beast!

You’re fighting with Odo, with Odo the Great,

I won’t stop till you’re fully deceased!�



But the end of this tale is a sorrowful one

Both fighters were close to their doom.

Neither noticed the Giant who wandered their way,

Seeing not Odo, or the Chimaera of Frume.



Giant Gogum was thirty feet tall, and his feet

Were each the size of a Grim.

His head in the clouds, he moseyed along,

Unaware of the fighting below him.



Alas for them both, as Gogum approached,

They were stood in just the wrong spot;

Two seconds later, before they could yell,

A shoe turned them both idle and squat.



And Odo the Hero, they bore him back home,

To the place that he’d known as a lad

They laid him to rest with his hat inside out

And his wand snapped in two, which was sad.