There are three things Ron wants more than anything in the world right now.

He wants to be safe at home in his bed, where his mum would yell at him to get up, and echoes of cannon blasts will come from Fred and George’s room. Ginny would tease him at breakfast about how his hair is a mess, Dad would be reading the Daily Prophet, and maybe Bill and Fleur would be visiting. Ron would give anything to see his family again; it’s been so long. He knows they must be in hiding, just like him. No one is in his house except the ghoul stuffed in his pyjamas.

He wants a hot meal, full of all his favorite foods. After weeks of being on the road with no one good at cooking charms, he’s always hungry. Sometimes he wakes up at night imagining that he can smell bacon cooking and he tries to make his stomach stop rumbling when they leave without breakfast or lunch. Maybe Harry and Hermione were used to not eating after years with the Dursleys or forgoing food for studying, but Ron has never missed a meal before this.

And more than anything else, Ron wants Hermione.

He wants her to look at him like she used to, to hold his hand when Harry isn’t looking or is asleep. He wants her to laugh, or maybe even just smile. He can’t decide if it’s worse when she hates him or pretends he doesn’t exist, but he knows he can’t stand either for much longer. She’s hardly said a word to him since he came back and it’s driving him up the wall. It hasn’t been as bad since the incident with Xenophilius Lovegood, but she still avoids him whenever possible.

He tries to be nice because he knows that he deserves this after what he’s put them through, but part of him wishes she was more like Harry. Harry forgave him almost the instant he saw him. But then again, Harry saw what the Horcrux said; he knew why Ron had left. Ron didn’t think he could ever explain it to Hermione.

She’s sitting not far away from him now, pretending she isn’t watching him. He’s messing with the radio because if he doesn’t do something with his hands, he might go crazy and touch her and that would only make things worse. It makes him feel a little better that she keeps glancing at him, and she’s flipping pages slower than usual so he tries to look like he’s concentrating and can’t see her. Then suddenly it comes, and he almost drops the radio in surprise.

“Hello, listeners!�

“It’s Potterwatch!� Ron shouts, looking up at Hermione. Her eyes go wide and she rushes over next to him and gives him a look that makes him stop. She smiles.

“Let’s get Harry so he can hear!� she says excitedly and Ron doesn’t know what to do anymore.

He listens to the program but it’s hard to focus when there are three voices talking in his head.

She smiled! Maybe she’s not mad anymore...

Of course she’s still mad, you prat. You’d still be mad if it were you.

She smiled!

Why did she want to get Harry so fast? She’s always talking about Harry...

Don’t be stupid. Harry said he’s like a brother to her, and besides, the whole program is about him anyway.

SHE SMILED. AT ME.

And she was sitting next to him, too. Granted, there would be no way not to sit next to him with only three people, but he thought that she was perhaps sitting closer to him than to Harry.

For one glorious moment, everything is good again. They’re all sitting together like they used to, united against Voldemort and bolstered by the words of their friends. Hermione isn’t avoiding his gaze and for a moment he thinks maybe, just maybe, they’re going to be okay.

And then everything goes wrong.


---



There are two things Ron wants more than anything in the world right now.

He wants them to get out alive and unhurt, so much that he’s frantic and nothing is making sense. Tears sting his eyes and his shouts are making him hoarse, but he doesn’t know what to do. How does he get them all out? How does he keep them safe? He can tell Dean is pretending to be tough even though he’s bruised all over, and Luna has lost too much weight trapped under Malfoy Manor. What if it’s too late to keep them safe?

Ron wants Hermione. His heart hurts he wants her so much. He won’t be able to stand it if they hurt her, if they kill her, not before he’s told her everything. He’s been such a prat, she could be dead, and she’d never know, and God he wishes he could stop feeling so much all at once.

Sometimes time slows down; when she screams his heart stops. Then time speeds up and each silence is filled with so much uncertainty, he waits desperately for her to scream again so he can know she’s still alive.

All senses are on high alert and by the time he bursts into the hall with Harry, he feels like he’s about to explode. And then he sees her, limp in Bellatrix Black’s arms, a shining silver blade pressed to her throat. Something takes over when he watches the trickle of blood drip down her throat and he can’t stand it any longer. He can’t stop until she’s in his arms, until she’s safe and he’s never been so afraid in his life. He wonders if he can apparate to Bill’s like this but he hardly thinks twice. It doesn’t matter what body part he splinches so long as she’s alright.

When her eyes flutter and she lets out a little moan as he rushes to the cottage, he realizes that he’s fighting this war for her and before it’s over, he’s going to tell her everything.



---


There is one thing Ron wants more than anything in the world right now.

“Hermione,� he says softly. She turns to look at him, her eyes out of focus but a small smile plays on her lips. He can see she’s tired, and he’s hesitant.

“Do you want me to leave? Fleur said you need to rest...� but she shakes her head, wincing. She had momentarily forgotten that everything hurt. She uttered a meek no, closing her eyes with the effort.

When her eyes are closed, his hand hovers above hers, waiting. He doesn’t want to hurt her, but he needs to touch her, feel that she’s going to be all right.

His fingertips brush hers and her eyes snap open, watching him with mixed alarm and curiosity. He hopes the alarm comes from weeks of being on the run, honing her reflexes to wake at the merest touch or sound. He hopes she can’t feel his hand shaking when he finally takes her hand in his.

But then his whole body starts shaking and he almost lets go of her hand it’s so bad.

Merlin’s beard, Ron, pull yourself together, he thinks, avoiding her gaze. She’s staring harder than ever but it’s only making things worse. He hasn’t cried since he left Harry and Hermione, and he certainly doesn’t want to start right now.

When he finally feels calm enough to look at her, he jumps, startled by the silent tears coursing their way down her dirty face.

“Bloody hell, Hermione,� he says, reaching up to wipe away the tears. “Does it hurt? D’you want me to get Fleur?�

“No!� she says in a faraway voice, but he knows she’s well enough to mean what she says. “No, I’m fine. Please, Ron. I— I’m sorry, you just looked... I mean... I felt...� She took a deep breath. “It’s just all so overwhelming.�

Ron didn’t say anything. The stinging feeling came back and he knew all the blinking probably made him look like an idiot but he figured she wouldn’t care. He took a deep breath and spoke, addressing the floor.

“I know. When you... when they were... I could hear you screaming,� he blurted, looking up to face her.

“I could hear you, too.�

“I just wanted it to stop.�

“Me too.�

“I’m so sorry they hurt you. It should’ve been me, I should’ve stopped them...�

“Ron, there was nothing you could’ve done.�

“No! I should’ve done something!�

“Ron—�

“I should’ve tried harder. I could’ve hit one of them, or something!�

“Please, Ron! There was nothing—�

“I should’ve stopped them!�

“I—�

“I should’ve told you!�

There is a pause, and both of them wonder what Ron has said and what he meant by it.

“Told me what?�

And this time he doesn’t avoid her gaze. He knows he can’t really say it but he’ll do the best he can, knowing that soon they’ll be off again on another dangerous mission he can only hope they survive.

“I’m so glad you’re still here.�

She looks at him and he thinks maybe she understands what he’s trying to say. But she might be falling asleep and her hand is going limp in his, so he makes it quick.

“I’m glad you’re still here with me. And it’s going to stay that way even if I have to fight off every bloody Death Eater in England.� It’s a stupid thing to say, but she smiles and he can’t help himself.

As she closes her eyes, he kisses her so softly he can hardly feel her lips against his. He turns off the light as he walks out, and its too dark to see Hermione has opened her eyes again, grinning as if the past few months had never happened.


---


The one thing Ron wants most in the world is finally his.

Who knew he would be thanking Merlin for house elves as she throws her arms around his neck, her eyes gleaming with triumph? The last thing he thinks before he closes his eyes is that perhaps she knew why he left, knew how scared he was when he thought he was going to lose her, knew how he felt that night he first kissed her, because she had felt the same way all along.