A flash of green light, my own,
So familiar, déjà vu.
But this time it’s over,
And the very thing I fear the most,
Becomes the only thing I have left.

Yet again he has defeated me,
A boy of only 17.
Yet again I could not kill him,
Yet again he cheated death,
And what should be his fate becomes mine.

But what is my fate?
Will I go on to the afterlife?
Could I come back as a ghost,
Though my soul is no longer whole?
Or will I be trapped in my body and slowly rot?

Is there a god?
An all powerful Lord of everything.
Would he be like those whom I sought to rule,
And banish me to eternal hell,
To pain and torment beyond imagination?

Or maybe he’d be like me,
Maybe he’d understand me,
If he was he’d be angry,
Because I would be an impostor in his eyes,
And he would condemn me to everything I have ever hated.
As I would do, and have done.

None of this bodes well for me,
Eternal wandering, entombment or hell.
A place where I am powerless,
That I have no control over and no knowledge of,
A dark and unfamiliar abyss.

Yet many do not fear it,
They walk gladly into it,
Or condemn themselves to it,
To everything I have ever feared,
The simplest and most primitive fears,
But the ones we must all face,
One day it becomes all you have,
As it does now
And I am left feeling foolish,
For what I fear the most,
Is death
The darkness
And nothing more.