Dear Diary….

No, only girls keep diaries. Sirius and James would murder me if they found out.

Journal?

Nah, that's rubbish, too.

Man-diary?

Don't be such a pansy, Peter. Man-diary? You must want to be mocked out of this century.

Man-journal, then?

Well, that's not so bad. It could be a temporary title, anyway.

Okay, so then…

Dear man-journal, my mum must have been drinking when she got me this. She seemed to feel I was distressed, and being the worrywart that she is, bought me an "outlet." When she first told me I thought she was referring to Muggle elktrictea, not that I would know anything about it. I don't pay attention in Muggle Studies. Too busy. Doing what? Well, no, I'm getting off topic. Back to the reason why I'm writing in this damn thing instead of working on being more like James or Sirius. Mum seemed to think that writing down my emotions would help. Such a girly thing. Mum's always wished she had a girl, but she's stuck with me. I'm convinced she's trying to turn me into one, its excruciatingly painful really. Sometimes I wish she would get on with it, and castrate me already.

I'll start, well, I don’t know. I asked mum what I was supposed to write. She told me to write what I would never tell anyone. Ha, the secrets I keep could fill up five of these books easily.

Maybe I should start with secret number one.

SECRET NUMBER ONE

Remus Lupin is a werewolf.

Well, that was quite easy. There's not much to say about Secret Number One. I feel bad that the bloke has to become a werewolf and all, but what else can I give besides my sympathy and Secret Number Two?

SECRET NUMBER TWO

I am an illegal Animagus. A rat, to be precise. Oh, how I wish I could be something more spectacular than a rat!

A dog, like Sirius.

A stag, like James.

Even a cat, like McGonagall!

I became an Animagus to help Remus not hurt himself during transformations.

James and Sirius did all the work to prepare us to become Animagi, and they also subdued Remus. My job was to press the knot that led us into the Whomping Willow. Insignificant as it may seem, it’s the only time when I feel useful. Most times I burn with jealousy at James and Sirius as they become the brave heroes...while I stand in the corner, trying to catch glimpse of their glory.

Sometimes I get tired of being pushed off to that corner, not being useful, hurt at the fact that I'm forgotten until they remember me again. And when they remember me, I am still forgotten. Not special, nor important. Yet, they never have rejected me. They trusted me and included me in their pranks, and in Secret Number Two. Secret Number Two made it hard to be bitter.

SECRET NUMBER THREE

I fancy Lily Evans.

Merlin, is she pretty. With that long red hair, and startling green eyes its no wonder why she's the best looking girl in my year. Oh, and she's smart, too. Lily tutored me once in Charms, before fourth year exams and I aced them. She's also incredibly kind, and doesn't like to see anyone left out or bullied.

Nothing could ever come of it, of course. James would kill me, no matter if Lily even looked my way. You'll see, man-journal, James fancies her beyond reason. If anybody besides him looks at her with even the slightest desire, they are a Victim to the Marauders.

Victim- Someone who has been humiliated by the Marauders [Also See Severus Snape].

Marauders- Four dedicated boys, out to protect Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, from the tedious activities of a typical day. [Also See James, Sirius, Remus, Peter.]

Not that the crush was requited, anyways, so James had nothing to worry about. Lily Evans wouldn't pay any attention to me. I am just too plain.

My feelings for Lily used to be easy to hide because she never returned James's feelings. Now, however, in my last year as her classmate, she is dating James. And they are all over each other, all the time.

I'm surprised my eyes haven't turned green from envy.

SECRET NUMBER FOUR

I wish I was Sirius, James, and sometimes even Remus.

Sirius- Unbelievably handsome and charming and popular. All the girl's fancy him. One of my best mates.

James- Very good-looking. Hysterically funny and popular. Dating Lily Evans. One of my best mates.

Remus- Fairly good-looking. Smart and kind. One of my best mates.

If I could be one of my friends, then life wouldn't be so bad. I mean I could have it worse. I could be Severus Snape.

Severus Snape- The most loathsome, disgusting person to ever walk the earth. Public Enemy Number One. Reminds me slightly of Peter.

Peter- Nobody.

I want to be praised, to be great, and to be special. If I were any one of my mates, I would be.

But I am not. I am nothing compared to them.

A shadow, some may say.

You know what? I don't what my mum's on about. I don't need an "outlet."

Screw it. Tomorrow, dear man-journal, you are going in the fire.