Death wasn’t as painful as he would have thought. The last thing he remembered was her eyes...her beautiful green eyes. He had felt his own blood pooling around him in a small puddle, and the sticky liquid gave off a metallic scent. His awareness of everything around him had begun to fade; he was fighting to keep his eyes from glazing over. Then Potter, he seemed to have materialized out of nowhere. His last promise to Dumbledore rang in his barely-aware brain.

He the tips of his fingers tingled as he found the hem of Potter’s tattered robes. He focused on his eyes…on Lily’s eyes.

Look…at… me.

He lost focus; it seemed as if he were being pulled further and further away into a white tunnel that sealed off after a couple of seconds. Quite suddenly, he was dropped into complete vastness, blindingly bright. Wait…it was somewhere he had seen before, many, many times. King’s Cross?

He was completely clothed except for his feet they were completely bare. His eyes wandered around as he registered that he was in fact dead. A train stood beside a platform, silently emitting smoke out of its engine. He didn’t know what, but something was drawing him towards the train. He felt himself walking towards it, stepping onto it, and taking the only seat there.

It was all very confusing, but he went along with it hoping it eventually would all make sense. His body was jerked forward as the train silently started to move. He found himself looking out the window into a bright white abyss. When he looked back inside the train he found it looked exactly like a Hogwarts Express compartment with a door that isolated him from the rest of the “train”.

A silhouette came into view from behind the closed door and reached a hand to open it.

A woman, no older than twenty-three stood there, a bright smile illuminating her face. She was defined by slight curves, barely visible from beneath a sweater she was wearing. Her red hair was complemented by her bright green eyes. Lily.

He felt his heart drop into his stomach as he saw her. Grinning broadly, she started, “Hello, Severus.”

He started with a, “Lily…but, where-?” but got cut off.

“It looks as if we’re on the Hogwarts Express, and this well-this is me,“ she smiled with tears in her eyes. “Well, in spirit, anyway. I don’t think I’m tangible.”

“Severus, I’m going to tell you what I’m going to tell my son when I see him: you’ve been so brave,” Lily continued.

“I-I haven’t,” he said. “I’ve failed. I don’t know if-”

“If what you did will convince Harry to do what he has to do? No, he’ll do it. If I know him, he’ll do it, and you have not failed anyone. Not one person. You” she took in a deep breath, and smiled, “demonstrated real Gryffindor-spirit. I know that’s not what you want to hear,” she laughed as he opened his mouth in protest. “But it’s true.”

“Lily, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For fifth year. I-”

“Shh, I’ve been watching you and though you and Harry despised each other I knew that it was mutual. I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for him. You don’t know how worried I have been about him, and you’ve eased that pain. Forgive and forget. Right?”

He nodded his head, unsure. “Where are we going and may I ask why are you here?”

“Heaven,” she replied with another big smile. “As for why I am here why don’t you ask yourself that question? I wouldn’t be here if you in your subconscious hadn’t wanted to see me when you first died. When I died I saw...” She paused for a moment and took a deep breath. “I saw James.”

The usual hatred he had always felt at the mention of James Potter was not there at this time. Just a deep disliking for him was there at the moment, and even then he was not sure if he even felt one way or the other about him. Sure, he had made his life at school a living hell, and sure he had had a son with Lily, but upon dying a new perspective dawned on him. It now seemed so silly his hatred for James Potter, and in the grand scheme of things what did it matter?

Lily smiled knowingly. “Well, it took James until Harry was twelve to reach the level of maturity you’ve reached in about an hour,” she smirked. “I’ll have to tell him that.”

Well, I’ve beaten him at something, Severus thought. Make no mistake, the feeling of competition was still with him.

“Why the Hogwarts Express?” He asked.

“Again, you tell me,” Lily replied.

The Hogwarts Express had always been a sign of hope for him, a sign that he could start over.

“Or not,” she said. “It’s always very private, the reasons you choose a place. Mine was that playground. You know, the one with the swings? And Petunia? Well, Petunia wasn’t there, thank God, but you get the point.”

“Who else…I mean, who else is in Heaven?” Heaven had never really been real to him. He had grown up miserable, having totally given up all dreams of a Heaven.

“Well,” Lily said, “there’s Dumbledore of course, and his family, and…oh damn, it’s impossible to list everyone there. Everyone is there except Adolf Hitler, Satan, and all the other supreme evil people in the world. I don’t know where they are, and I don’t want to think about it.”

She looked straight at him, and changed the subject. “Severus I want you to know that I always have loved you, just the same as everyone else. I never hated you, and I forgive you.”

He nodded, feeling a tear slide down his cheek. “I’ve never stopped,” he replied.

“I know,” she said, her own tears welling up in her eyes. She wrapped him in a warm embrace. He took in her warmth, her light, her smell, everything about her.

“Where we’re going,” she started, pulling out of the hug, “everyone is forgiven, and everyone is loved. You just have to accept it, and embrace it.”

He decided on that day that he would embrace it. Like those he loved he would forgive, forget, and move on.

He and his best friend turned to face each other. She was the first person he ever really cared about and at the beginning of that endless abyss called Heaven. They would face life again, Not life in a body, but life in soul. Life without pain, suffering, or hurt.

But with love.


A/N: “Look…at…me...” Is from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which I do no own, nor do I own anything from the series. Thank you so much to my beta Potter Dud for this one!