Your father has just run off to Hogwarts to help the Order, and I'm here, waiting. I don't want to be here. I don't handle waiting well.

So, Teddy, I'm writing this because I don't know what is going to happen, and I need you to understand. I want you to know that I love you, and so does your father. There is nothing I want to do less than leave you behind, but I can't stay here. I can't sit and wait. I need to be involved.

I'm not a sidelines kind of person. I don't sit patiently. I'm clumsy, and loud, and I've been told that I ask too many questions. I'm not perfect, not even close.

I hope you understand that right now I'm running off to battle to help you, for your future and everyone's future. You're angry with me. I know. You're shouting that you would've been happier if I'd stayed with you, stayed safe. But everyone understands, in the same way I hope you will one day understand, that I could not live with myself if I was at home while everyone else was risking their lives. While my friends, my husband, and everyone else is out there, I can't be here. I have to go.

Maybe it is selfish of me. I do a lot of selfish things. I don't mean to, but a lot of things happen, then I feel miserable. Writing this letter might be a little selfish too. I'm telling your grandma to give you this when she thinks you're old enough to read it, if I don't come home that is.

I want you to know that this just me, being honest with myself. I've accepted that I may not come home, that Remus might not come back. In fact, I know that If you're reading this, that's exactly what happened. I know that you've had plenty of caring people about, because there are quite a few Weasleys, and they're bound to take good care of you.

Your grandmother has probably raised you, presuming she's alright of course. She's a brilliant grandma, and she loves you so much. She has probably done a fantastic job, better than I ever could. To her, parenting is natural; not to me, I have to think about everything. I have to double-check everything and ask advice from people. Your dad is amazing with you. He's thrilled that you're a Metamorphmagus, he's been showing a picture of you to everyone- the one where your hair is turquoise. He even grabbed it before he left tonight.

I like your hair when it's turquoise. It makes you recognizable. I hope you keep doing fun things with it, and I hope you're not afraid to stand out, because,Teddy, you were born to be different. Your dad and I both stand out, in both the good and bad ways. If you haven't already heard, ask Harry to tell you about your dad at school.

Harry will be there for you, I'm sure of it. He'll be a great godfather. Make him tell you everything about us. Grandma is fine for stories about me as a kid, but Harry will have good stories about us together. And Molly Weasley too, I confided everything in her.

Teddy, you should know that I'm scared. More scared than I've ever been in my life. I'm not scared about running into battle, or death. I'm scared of living and losing everyone else. You should know that right now, as I write this, your grandmother is shouting at me, telling me not to go. She knows I'm going to go anyway.

Teddy Remus, you were named after your grandfather and your father. Your grandpa Ted was Muggle-born. He was killed because of it, and that's not fair. Not fair to you, or me, or grandma. He was a great man, loyal and brave.

That's why I'm going. To make sure no one else has to suffer the way we've had to. To end this misery. To make sure that you and everyone else can be happy. I'm sure that everyone will be upset, and everything will be terrible in the aftermath of this battle. I know that after tonight everything will be shattered. Everyone will have suffered a loss, but eventually life will go on. Teddy, you will grow up, and go to school, and be brilliant. You will have all the advantages young people right now don't.

Teddy Remus, I hope you can forgive me for leaving you. Forgive me for being selfish. Forgive me for being imperfect. Forgive me, Teddy, because I love you, and I always will.

I am so sorry, Teddy Remus Lupin.
I'm sorry that waiting was never enough for me.
I'm sorry that you will never have me around.
I'm sorry that I love your father so damn much.

But mostly, Teddy, I'm sorry for leaving. You must know that I won't regret this for an instant. Leaving is what I have to do. For me, and for you, and everyone else who deserves a future, and even if you would prefer that I didn't, I have to go.

Teddy, I have no regrets. I am happy to be a member of The Order of the Phoenix. To be married to a werewolf. To have a son, even if I'll never get to see you grow up. Happy to be rushing to my death, because I know that it will make a difference.

Don't you ever forget that I love you, Teddy Remus Lupin.

Love always,
mommy