The sound of heavy breathing above him woke Remus Lupin more effectively than the cold. His knuckles, already white from the freezing air, whitened as he clenched the photograph tighter in his hand. He opened his eyes and sat up. Yawning, he saw the figure who had been standing above him. “Morning, Greyback,� he grumbled hoarsely.


“Get up, Lupin,� Greyback snarled. His savage eyes glinted wildly in the predawn light.


Without a word, Remus stood up, still clutching his most prized possession: The photograph. He tried to cram it in his pocket subtlety, so that Greyback wouldn’t see it, but it was in vain.

“What’s in your hand, Lupin?� Greyback growled.


“A picture,� Remus said truthfully. There was no point in lying about that. Not when lying could get him killed.


“Let me see it,� rasped Greyback.


Remus silently handed him the picture. Greyback clasped it in his claw-like hand and smoothed the crumpled photo. His bloodshot eyes looked at the face of the laughing, pink-haired woman hungrily, causing Remus to clench his fist angrily. He had come here to protect the woman in the photo, not to endanger her further.


“Who is she?� Greyback growled, pointing at the battered portrait with a bony finger.


“Just—just a girl,� Remus lied hurriedly. Nymphadora Tonks was more than “just a girl,� she was the true love of his life. She would have been his bride, had he not come to his senses and put an end to their slowly growing relationship. In his mind, he clearly recalled fighting with her. He remembered, clearest of all, the sharp sting of her left hand across his face as she slapped him. He remembered—just as painfully—how that same hand had gently cupped on his cheek as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to kiss her. A lump built in Remus’ throat as he thought about his playful, beautiful nymph.


“She isn’t ‘just a girl,’ Lupin. We both know that, don’t we?� Greyback asked with a barbarous grin.


“No, no she’s not,� Remus agreed. Lying would put her—and him—in even more danger.


“I didn’t think so. She left you, didn’t she? When she found out about your powers?�


“Powers� was hardly the word Remus would have chosen to describe his condition. “Curse� was a more accurate description for having your body mutated against your will every month. Being a werewolf had robbed him of respect, friends, work, and now, the one chance he had ever had at happiness; his only chance at true love. It had robbed him of the chance of having a normal, happy life with Nymphadora. Greyback didn’t have to know that it had been Remus doing the leaving, not the other way around. He would never guess and Remus would never tell him. He had to keep Nymphadora safe. He loved her so fiercely that, to protect her and help make her world a better place, he was standing in the middle of a pine forest, freezing nearly to death, about half an hour before sunrise, talking with the very man who was the reason he could never be with her. The irony was sickening; it was unfair. It was like everything else in his life.


Life had given him a nice family. Now, they were dead. Life had given him three best friends. Now, two were dead and one was a traitor. Life had given him a beautiful woman, who loved him unconditionally and as strongly as he loved her. Now, he had given up with a chance at a life with her as his wife for this, but he had done it to keep her safe, to give her a chance at happiness; a chance at a better life, a life with a man who was much better for her than him. Nymphadora needed—deserved—a perfect man. She didn’t need a penniless werewolf with nothing to offer her but a heart that ached for him to scoop her into his arms, hold her there forever and kiss her until they were out of breath. She needed someone young, someone whole, someone…normal, with money: someone who could provide for her. He simply wasn’t good enough for her, and he never would be.


Forcing himself from reverie, Remus nodded solemnly.


“Go get some breakfast, Lupin. You look rather ill and I can’t have one of my best werewolves dropping from starvation.� Greyback returned the photo.


Remus didn’t need to be told twice. He scrambled to the small fire being tended by one of the few female werewolves in the camp. She gave him a small smile and handed him a plate of bacon and sausage. He muttered, “Thanks, Annabeth.�


“Don’t mention it, Lupin,� Annabeth replied quietly, absent mindedly twirling a strand of messy red hair around a finger.


Remus gave her a quick smile and vanished into the shadowy forest to devour his breakfast in peace. Upon finding a fallen tree, he sat on the log and began to eat. He raised his head as he saw movement in his peripheral vision. Turning to his right, he saw a place where the shadow seemed deeper. As he blinked, a small, slender figure melted out of the darkness.


It was a girl of about thirteen with shoulder length, raven black hair that hung limply around her pale, oval-shaped face. A wry smile played around the corners of her thin mouth. Her pallid face had a harassed, cynical look to it, as if she had seen too much suffering and knew all to well the trouble in the world. Her eyes were as deep and dark as Nymphadora’s, though they were green rather than blue. There was pain in the girl’s eyes, a deep sympathy, an understanding. Her eyes were filled with immense sadness and an equal amount of wisdom. Something about this child made Remus’ heart go out to her. She seemed to know his sorrows, to feel his pain.


“Who are you?� Remus asked. “I haven’t seen you before.�


The girl gave a short, amused laugh. “Not many have,� she explained. “Though I have seen you. I’ve watched you, Remus Lupin. You aren’t like the others’ you don’t belong here. You belong somewhere else. Perhaps with the woman in your photograph.�


Remus blinked in surprise. “How did you know about that?� he asked.


“I watch; I listen. You look at that picture every night. When you do, I watch your eyes. They change: there is such love, such sadness, such longing in them, that I know she must be someone special.�


“She is,� Remus agreed.


“What’s her name?� asked the girl.


Something about this girl made Remus trust her. He decided that saying her name wouldn’t hurt. “Nymphadora. Nymphadora Tonks.�


“I just realized something!� the girl exclaimed. “I know your name, I know your girlfriend’s name, but you don’t know mine!�


“What’s your name, then?� asked Remus, intruigued.


“I’m Sara,� the girl said. “Sara Greyback.�

Sara’s gaunt face was set, and yet, somehow, fragile in the predawn light filtering down through the pine branches. Moment before, Remus’ entire outlook on life had shifted, and he felt more pity for the solemn, thirteen year-old girl than he had for anyone else he had met among Voldemort’s werewolves, more, in fact, than for anyone else he had ever met in his entire life. She was Fenrir Greyback’s daughter. His entire life had been drastically changed for the worse since Greyback had bitten him as a child. At least he may have had a chance at a normal life, had he not been bitten. This girl’s entire life had been cursed, and there had been no avoiding it. Sara gave him a quick smile and spoke, breaking the silence that had stretched across the long minutes since she had last spoken, “Listen, Remus, I’m not like the others. In fact, I hate them. The only reasons I’m still alive are that I’m a good liar and that I can disappear.

“I’ve been watching you since the day you got here. You weren’t like the rest of them—us. You’d tried to live among ‘normal’ wizards. Tried and succeeded, I was sure. The others didn’t trust you at first. I heard them talking after you went to bed on your first night here. Surprisingly, it was my Father who defended you. He said he’d waited over thirty years for you to join us and that you had just taken more time than most to come to your senses.

“I was the only one he didn’t convince. Oh, I let him believe that he had convinced me, but every night, I watched you, determined that, one day, I’d dare to step out of the shadows and speak with you.�

“I’m glad you did,� Remus said pensively. “It’s rather difficult to keep a secret all to yourself.�

Sara gave him another brief smile. “Very,� she agreed.

“�What made you decide to talk to me after all this time?� Remus asked.

“The picture. After your argument with father, I was even more curious as to who she was. What happened between you and her?�

Remus looked at her incredulously. “You think that I would—that she would—that we would—“

Sara cut him off, “No, I didn’t mean that. I can tell that you are a very honorable man. I meant, why did you leave her?�

“What?� Remus asked. “How did you…?� he trailed off.

Sara grinned mischievously. “I didn’t think you told Father the truth. I didn’t think you’d still be so attached to her if she thought of you as a monster.�

“I left her to come here,� Remus replied.

Sara snorted. “Well, it certainly is an improvement,� she stated sarcastically.

“I was sent by Albus Dumbledore. She—Tonks—didn’t want me to go. In all honesty, I didn’t want to go, but then, I realized that, by remaining, I would only put Tonks in danger. She wanted us to get married. How could I have married her, Sara? I would be a danger to her on the full moon if I forgot my potion!�

“But do you love her?� asked Sara. “Truly love her?�

“Yes, I do,� Remus said. “With all my heart, but how can I?�


“Men!� Sara exclaimed vehemently. “Remus, you stupid, noble prat! If you love her, none of this matters, as long as she loves you, too!�

“What do you know about it?� snapped Remus. “You’re only thirteen.�

“Remus, listen to me,� Sara said gently. “Love is all that matters. As for how I know this…well, I don’t want to talk about it just yet.� She bowed her head, hiding her face behind a veil of sable hair.

Remus let that point go. He knew all too well how annoying it was when someone kept pushing for a discussion on a painful point.

“What would you give for her happiness?� Sara asked, bringing up the subject of Tonks yet again.

“I would do anything,� he stated simply.

Sara smiled. “Then why don’t you go back to her?�

“I can’t! She needs protection!�

“Sometimes,� Sara replied gently, “the ones we want to protect the most are the ones that need protection the least. Think about it.�

“I came here to protect her. She needs this.�

“That’s not really when you’re here,� Sara protested. “Don’t lie to yourself, Remus.�

“Then why am I here, then?�

“You’re afraid,� Sara stated simply.

Remus was taken aback. He had known this girl for only fifteen minutes and she was already more knowledgeable about his deepest feelings than he himself was. He inhaled the cool morning air sharply and the spicy odor of pine enveloped his keen senses.

“I’m not mocking you,� Sara said. “I’m just trying to help. I’m your friend, Remus.�

A jolt ran through Remus as Sara spoke. Tonks had said almost the exact same thing to him not too long ago. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he looked into Sara’s emerald eyes and found in them the same sympathy he saw in Tonks’. A sudden desire to tell her everything overcame him and he struggled to hold his tongue.

Sara, on the other hand, was very talkative, now that she had come out of hiding. “What’s life like on the outside, Remus?�

Her eyes sparkled eagerly and Remus decided that she deserved an answer. She was, after all, the only person here he trusted. “It’s cruel, unforgiving, prejudiced and harsh.�

“So not that different from here, really?� Sara asked wryly.

“I suppose not,� Remus agreed with a smile. “Except, people sleep in houses and don’t expect anybody else to become a fell-fledged monster monthly.�

“Was that supposed to be a joke?� Sara demanded. “Honestly, Remus, you need a better sense of humor!�

Remus chuckled, laughing for the first time since his heart had broken. “Sometimes, Sara, I think you’re really just Tonks, morphed into a thirteen year-old.�

“What d’you mean?� asked Sara.

“Tonks was—is—a Metamorphmagus. She can change her appearance by thinking about it.�

“Don’t you think that, if she had morphed into someone else to come here and find you, that she would have chosen to be much older and more attractive?�

Remus laughed again. “You do have a point there.�

“I’m picturing a slender blond with big, grey eyes and a small nose. Oh, and big, red lips, perfect for snogging,� Sara chirped.

“Please be serious for once, Sara. What will your father think if he finds us here?�

“He’ll think I’ve finally come to my senses. You know, by opening up to the others.�

“He won’t be angry with you for talking to a strange werewolf who dared risk life among normal wizards?�

“He trusts you, Remus,� Sara said, her voice oddly hollow. “He trusts you more than anyone here, except for me, of course. Odd, isn’t it? The two people he trusts most are the two traitors in his midst.�

Remus felt a sudden thrill of foreboding. Perhaps he had gone in over his head on this one. Stomach churning unpleasantly, he looked down at his unfinished breakfast. He knew that he couldn’t eat it. “You want this?� he asked Sara, holding out the plate of food.

“Sure,� Sara said, taking it from Remus. The two sat in relative silence as Sara consumed her meal.

The crunch of dead pine needles and pine cones caused Remus and Sara to look around. The source of the noise was Fenrir Greyback. He smiled savagely and Remus was impressed by Sara’s ability to keep her emotions hidden. “Hello, Sara; hello, Lupin,� Greyback rasped.

“Hello, Greyback,� Remus replied.

“Hello, Father,� Sara stated coolly.

“I see you have met my daughter, Lupin. This is wonderful. In fact, there’s something important I need to tell both of you, but we must move farther from the camp so that none of the others hear us.� Greyback disappeared among the shadowy trees.

Remus and Sara exchanged a nervous glance before plunging into the unknown.

Not for the first time since Greyback had given him his new assignment, Remus felt guilt creep into his gaze as he shot a furtive glance at Sara, who was standing a few meters to his left, her pale skin contrasting starkly with her limp raven hair. She gave him a subtle smile and returned her gaze to the werewolves that were eating a rather subdued breakfast in the steadily falling rain. It felt strange to Remus to have been given the same assignment twice. When Dumbledore had told him to spy on these werewolves, it had been expected, but receiving the same order from Greyback had caught him of guard. At the very least, Remus thought wryly, I won’t get thrown out of here for it.

An owl hooted softly behind him and he turned. The bird had a letter tied to its foot and it looked extremely familiar.

“Errol,� he whispered.

“Who?� Sara asked.

“The owl,� Remus explained, carefully removing the letter from the owl’s foot. He carefully opened the envelope and removed the letter. Unfolding the parchment as silently as he could, he read the letter aloud in an undertone.

“Dear Remus,
“Arthur and I would like you to come to dinner at our house this Saturday. We are all very worried about you in the Order. Arthur and Dumbledore have tried to tell me enough to survive, but I’m worried about you, and not just because of those other werewolves. What I’m mostworried about is a certain young lady by the name of Nymphadora Tonks. She hasn’t been doing well lately and she’s having trouble morphing. Remus, this girl is in love with you and I know you love her, too. As you know, Tonks is like a daughter to me, and any man who hurts one of my little girls—whether it’s Ginny or Tonks—will have to answer to me.
“Love,
“Molly Weasley
“PS: Can you please just talk to Tonks? If you come to dinner this Saturday, I will give you her address so you can visit her. Take the poor girl some flowers and chocolates while you’re at it.�

When Remus looked up from the letter, he saw that Sara’s slender body was shaking from suppressed laughter.

“She’s lucky that it was just you and me around when this owl came,� Remus muttered darkly.

Sara said nothing, but grew more strained against the laughter she was holding back.

“What’s so funny?� Remus demanded.

“Just the thought of you answering to this Molly Weasley person and the thought of you taking Tonks flowers and chocolate,� Sara admitted breathlessly.

“Molly Weasley is very protective of her children and Tonks,� Remus stated. “She doesn’t like it when they are upset.�

The laughter on Sara’s face disappeared in an instant. For a moment, her composure slipped and Remus glimpsed in her eyes a profound sadness and loneliness that he himself knew all too well. He felt it every time he reminded himself that he could never be with Tonks. But the sadness in Sara’s eyes was fleeting, as she replaced it almost instantaneously with her usual guarded, indifferent expression. “What’s wrong, Sara?� he asked.

“Nothing,� she replied flatly. Remus shot her a pointed look. She sighed and admitted, “I’m a little jealous, that’s all. See, I never really knew my mother. She died when I was very young.�

“I’m sorry,� Remus apologized.

“Don’t be,� Sara whispered. “Perhaps it was better that way. She didn’t have to suffer as much.�

“What happened?� Remus asked her cautiously. When Sara said nothing, he added, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.�

“I want to,� Sara answered with a sad smile. “Just not today. I can’t just yet. Maybe another day.�

Remus understood, but he was unable to speak so he merely nodded. Sara, however, did not acknowledge his reverie, her emerald eyes had a somewhat glazed appearance and she absent-mindedly twisted a strand of dirty black hair around a long, thin finger. The two friends stood in silence for a few minutes until Sara abruptly broke it. “You should go.�

“Go where?� Remus asked, confused.

“Molly’s house, of course,� Sara explained. “And you should visit Tonks.�

“How can I?� Remus asked. “Won’t Greyback get suspicious?�

“Not if we ask very, very nicely,� Sara replied with a mischievous grin.

Remus grinned back. “I could just see you do that. ‘Hey, Dad, Remus has got to go to the home of the biggest family of Blood-traitors for dinner this Saturday; then he’s got to go give that girl from his photograph flowers. Can he have the weekend off?’�

“No offense, Remus, but you have an atrocious view of my character,� Sara complained. “I’m a professional liar.�

“What would you say, then?� Remus asked.

“I’d say, ‘Dad, Remus wants to scout around for other werewolves who want to turn their backs on the cruel, proud wizards of normal society this weekend. D’you mind if he does?’� Sara widened her eyes innocently.

Remus was startled. He had never thought of Sara as having the possibility of having been pretty, but with her eyes sparking mischievously, he realized that, given proper hygiene and nutrition, she would have been beautiful. Almost as beautiful as Tonks. “Will you talk to him about this?� he asked softly.

Sara nodded. “Right now,� she replied, then darted off through the trees and rain. Before she disappeared entirely, he heard her whisper, “Destroy the letter. If anyone finds it, both our necks are going to be on the chopping block.�

Remus held the letter in the rain until the ink bled off the parchment, trickling onto his fingers like black blood. The words faded and the parchment became soggy until there was nothing left of it but a dripping wad. He crammed it into his pocket and strode off through the driving rain toward camp, hoping Sara would be able to convince her father to let him go. As much as he dreaded having to face Tonks’ anger again, the thought of the Weasleys’ familiar faces cheered him up.

Remus stopped dead at the edge of the trees. Bending over slightly, to provent water from ruining it, he removed Tonks’ portrait from his pocket and gazed hungrily at her smiling face. I miss you, Tonks, he thought before lifting his head and noticing that he was fact to face with Annabeth.

"What are you doing, Remus?� she asked.

Chapter 3: Moonlight Secrets

Remus took a steadying breath and raised his fist, hoping he would knock before his nerves failed and he Disapparated on the spot. The only thing that kept him there was the same thing that had worried him for the past five days: Annabeth had seemed to recognise Tonks. When she had asked what he was doing, Remus had shown her the picture. Annabeth’s gaze had hardened and she had seemed angry.

Flooded with determination, he knocked on the door of Tonks’ London apartment. To his surprise, she answered the door, wearing a fluffy pink bathrobe over her pyjamas. Her mousy hair hung around her face in a way he had never seen it before, as though she no longer cared how it looked. Her eyes were puffy from exhaustion and she was thinner than Remus had ever seen her. He braced himself for her to slap him and staggered backward as she flung her arms around his neck and hugged him, instead. Not having been prepared for this reaction, he didn’t do the sensible thing, which, to him, would have been to push her away. Instead, he slipped his arms around her waist and tilted his head obligingly as she moved to kiss him. Her lips brushed gently, sweetly across his. After several seconds of pure bliss, Remus came back to his senses and pulled his head away from Tonks’. He glimpsed the hurt in her eyes and allowed her to rest her head on his shoulder.

“D’you have any idea what time it is?� she whispered.

Remus looked over her shoulder out the window on the other side of the small living room of the apartment. A nearly full moon shone through, casting a pale light on the room. “Late?� he guessed.

He felt, rather than saw her nod. “Why are you here?� she asked.

Wordlessly, Remus reached into the pocket of his threadbare overcoat and removed a single rose; the one Molly Weasley had pushed into his hand as he had left her house, saying, “You’d better give this to Tonks. That poor girl’s been really down lately, and it’s all your fault. This is the least you can do to make it up to her.�

“Remus,� cried Tonks, “I can’t take that! I’ll cut myself!�

Remus smiled. “That’s why I cut the thorns off.�

She took the flower and put her arms back around his neck. “Thanks.�

“This is for you, too.� Remus gave her a small box of chocolates.

“You’re spoiling me,� she teased, a huge grin lighting up her heart-shaped face.

“I have something else for you, too,� Remus whispered into her ear.

“Is it shiny?� she asked. “Does it come from my big, strong, handsome werewolf on one knee?�

“No,� Remus stated firmly. “It’s something I have to tell you. A secret.�

“You’d better come in, then,� Tonks said glumly. She removed her arms from his neck as he released her and followed her into the apartment. Once both of them were inside, Tonks pushed the door shut; then locked it. Remus stood awkwardly a few metres away from her. She tucked a loose strand of mousy hair behind her ear and said, “You can sit down, you know.�

“Oh,� Remus replied. He stepped cautiously through the messy living room and sat on the plush couch. Tonks stepped less cautiously through the room, overturning several stacks of assorted objects that were merely silhouettes in the half-light of the moon filtering through the smudged glass of the window. She sat beside him and lit a candle with a flick of her wand. Now that he could see colors, Remus realised that Tonks looked like a valentine in her pink bathrobe, sitting on the red couch. His valentine, he wished. She tucked her legs beneath her hand looked at Remus, her sapphire eyes intense.

“What’s the secret?� she asked tiredly.

“D’you promise not to tell anyone; not even Molly Weasley?� Remus asked.

Tonks grinned mischievously. “So this is just between you and me?�

“Kind of.� Remus took a deep breath. “D’you know a lady named Annabeth?�

“Annabeth...who?� asked Tonks, her eyebrows knitting in confusion.

“Lee, I think,� Remus answered.

“What does she look like?� Tonks asked.

“She’s about your age; has thick red hair; brownish eyes; a small, pointy nose and a round face.�

“Annie!� cried Tonks, her face lighting up in recognition. “I haven’t seen her since fourth year! She left that summer and never returned!�

That made sense to Remus. She was, after all, a werewolf. “Did she hate you?� Remus asked.

“No,� Tonks said. “Not that I knew of unless—Bill!�

“Bill?� asked Remus.

“Bill Weasley,� Tonks explained. “Annie was in the year above me. She was in Hufflepuff, too. That girl’s heart beat only for Bill, I swear. Whenever she was around, it was Bill Weasley this and Bill Weasley that and ‘according to Bill Weasley’ all the time. She got so annoying about trying to impress him that one of my friends, to stop her, spread the rumor through the Hufflepuff common room that he had a girlfriend: me.�

Remus chuckled and Tonks cuffed him with one of the couch pillows. “What did you do that for?� he demanded.

“You laughed at me!� she cried in mock despair. “What about Annabeth?�

“She’s a werewolf, and she saw me holding your picture,� Remus admitted.

“So she knows that we’re friends?� Tonks gasped.

“I think so,� Remus agree grimly. “That’s the bad news. The good news is that Greyback trusts me.�

“Oh, Remus, that’s wonderful!� Tonks exclaimed.

“I’m friends with his daughter.�

“Greyback—the savage, killer werewolf who made your life a misery—has a daughter?�

“Yes, and you’ll never guess who she reminds me of.�

“My dear Auntie Bella?�

“No, Tonks, she reminds me of you. She’s always telling me not to be so sorry for myself and to just marry you already.�

“She’s right, you know,� chided Tonks, snuggling up to Remus, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I should go,� Remus said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Not just yet,� Tonks murmured.

“All right,� Remus relented.

“I love you, Remus,� she mumbled. “D’you love me?�

Long minutes passed before Remus, turning his head to face hers, which was still on his shoulder, her long eyelashes brushing against his cheek, answered, “Yes, I do. I love you, Tonks.�

But she was already asleep, slumped against him casually, like a friend: there were no innuendos in her contact. Merely a desire to be close to him, to be, at the very least, his friend. His best friend, which, he now realised, she was. He realised he had been lonely without her. Even with Sara, there had been an empty place in his heart. Tiredly, he leaned his head against Tonks’, and as he closed his eyes, he realised that his loneliness was gone. A warm glow settled over his chest and still-broken heart. I can’t live with her. I can’t live without her. What can I do? But, before he had a chance to decide, his mind grew fuzzy and he plunged into a deep and dreamless sleep.