What is Love?
Chapter One

[Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They all belong to the amazingly talented J.K Rowling. All I have is the plot. Yup. That's it.]


Love is a strong word, isn’t it? I mean, what is love anyway? I have an idea, but I doubt it’s right. Why don’t they write books about what it’s like to be in love? The book should include testimonials and pictures…something to help me out. I mean, they should teach a subject on it. I swear, It has got to be the most confusing thing in the world. Well, wait. It’s not a thing exactly, is it? More like a feeling. It’s like that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you see that special person, it’s the way you notice every single feature when you glance at them, and the way that every time you close your eyes, you see their face. At least, that’s what I think. But, isn’t love supposed to be wonderful? Maybe I’m not really in love with him, because lately, it hasn’t exactly been wonderful. Just wishful thinking, maybe? Maybe I’m just attracted to his looks like every other girl here at school. But, wait. You’ve heard the old saying about love. Why would they call it “falling” in love if it wasn’t supposed to hurt a little?

I haven’t always felt this way about him. I mean it. Oh, wait a minute. I guess I shouldn’t be playing daft. Ever since I first met him on the train to school, I knew there was something about him that was very intriguing. But we were eleven then and I figured it to be just a silly crush. I guess my love has progressed as I’ve grown…and as he grew. I’m really good at not letting on, I guess. He’s never known about this infatuation…crush…complete worshiping…whatever you want to call it. The way I’ve been acting lately, I’ve probably made it into that last category.

I find myself watching him when I’m supposed to be studying. When I’m in class, I find my thoughts drifting to him. More than once I’ve had to scold myself for not having any idea the answer to the question Professor McGonagal or Professor Flitwick had just asked the class. I would always receive inquiring looks from them when my hand didn’t shoot up into the air before they had even finished their sentence, as it normally did. Right now, I should be finishing Professor Snape’s essay on the 12 uses of Dragon’s blood. I have two words at the top of my page…Hermione Granger. I mentally beat myself up. I had started this essay over an hour ago and all I had was my name at the top of my piece of parchment.

But, all of a sudden, my thoughts were shifted back to him. I hear him talking from across the common room. I hear no emotion whatsoever in his voice. It’s been that way lately. I glance over at him, trying to memorize his every feature, though I already knew all of them by heart. I saw him every time I closed my eyes. His messy, jet black hair lay unevenly all atop his head, his lips are thin, but still full, and all his Quidditch playing has given him a thin, muscular body. His most striking feature, though, are his eyes.

His eyes are so amazing . They hold his every emotion. When he is happy, his eyes are sparkling, bright, and a vivid emerald green color. When he is angry, they are a duller green, they flicker with sparks, and can bore a hole into you. When he is sad, which was most all the time now, they are still green, but with a gray overcast, there is no sparkle nor flicker, they just are… There is no real way to describe them. I should be able to though. They have been that way ever since we have come back to school. I suspect they’ve been that way ever since that night in the Department of Mysteries. Ever since he lost Sirius.

I used to love looking in his eyes. Most times it was hard for me to tear myself away from them. But now. Now is different. The last thing I want to look at when I look at him are his eyes. They are filled with so much pain. I know he tries to cover it up, but whenever he’s alone, I see him cry. His tears are ripping me apart inside. I wish I could take all his pain away, just transfer it from him to me. Then everything would be okay again. Lately, it has become increasingly hard for me to read his emotions like I normally can. When I do muster up the courage to look at him, I don’t see happiness anymore. I don’t see love, eagerness, or excitement. Now his eyes are filled with anger and pain. It hurts me so much to see him like this.

Nothing I can do will ever make him forget. He has stayed transfixed on the memory of Sirius falling though that veil. I can still hear him cry out…see him run over to the archway. I can still see the tears running down his cheeks. I feel helpless. It’s weird, because that’s not a normal feeling for me. I’m supposed to be the smart one…the one who always knows what to do, but I don’t think being well-read is going to help me much right now.

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Have you ever lost a loved one? It sucks, doesn’t it? I don’t understand why it hurts so much. I mean, I’d only just met Sirius during my third year here at Hogwarts when Ron, Hermione, and I helped him escape from dementors. He flew away on the back of a hippogriff called Buckbeak. He did ask me that night we set him free, if I would like to come and live with him. I was so eager to get away from the Dursley’s that I was going to say yes immediately, but just as I was about tell him, Professor Lupin kind of turned into a werewolf. It’s been a long time since that night. Now, I’m here in my sixth year of Hogwarts. I didn’t get to leave the Dursley’s my third, fourth, or fifth year to go and live with Sirius. Now I’ll never get the chance. I can still see him fall through that veil. I hear myself cry out for him and then Professor Lupin tells me…he’s gone. Not coming back.

It’s too much for one person to take. I mean, I’ve fought with Voldemort…been face to face with him…watched him kill someone, but this is so much harder. Sometimes I just feel like I want to scream. See, the thing is…it’s my fault Sirius was killed. If I hadn’t went to the Department of Mysteries, he would still be alive. It’s because, well, I guess I do have sort of a “saving-people-thing”. I don’t know. Now…I have no one left. Well, besides my Aunt, Uncle, and cousin. But they can’t be counted.

So, here I am now. I’m trying to be as normal as possible. Sitting here in the Gryffindor common room, I’m surrounded by red and gold. The flames of the fire are flickering around on the gold parts of the Gryffindor flags all over the walls, making them shimmer. I’m playing chess with my best friend, Ron, trying to concentrate on where I’m going to move my next rook, but I don’t think I can take much more of this. Sitting here in the quite, the only sound being that of the flickering flames of the fire.

All of a sudden, I hear her. From across the common room, her voice drifts over to me. She says something to Lavender Brown, I see, as I glance over at her. And she’s still working on Snape’s essay that’s not due for another three weeks. I feel the sudden urge to go talk to her.

“’Scuse me for a minute, Ron?” I asked, and he nodded in agreement, still trying to figure out where to move his knight.

I get up and walk over to where she is sitting. She looks very pretty. But, wait. No. What am I saying? I run my hand through my hair and sigh as I sit down in a chair beside her.

“Hullo, ‘Mione. Still working on Snape’s essay?” She looks up at me, her big brown eyes meet my green ones.

“Yes. I’m not accomplishing much, though.” She says, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

I look down at her essay to see how many pages she has written. All she has at the top of her parchment is her name. I chuckle softly, something I haven’t done in a long time, and smile at her.

“You started this almost an hour ago, ’Mione, you’d usually be finished my now. What have you been doing all this time?” I ask , still smiling. Her smile widens and she rolls up her piece of parchment. My heart flutters ever so slightly at seeing her smile.

“I’ve just been thinking.” she says, “And right now, I think it’s time I take a break. What do you think?” I help her pack up her things into her book bag.

“I think that it’s a very good idea.” I say, still smiling. I pick up her Charms book and place it in her bag just as she’s placing in her Potions book. Our hands brush, but she doesn’t pull it away, and neither do I. My smile only gets bigger.

But, wait a second. Why is this making me lightheaded? She’s just my friend. One of my best friends. One of my…I gulp as she locks her gaze with mine again…really pretty best friends. And, oh. I can’t believe it didn’t hit me until now. I’m not alone. I’ve had her. This whole time. She’s been there with me through all of it. And, I mean, I’ve always thought she was really pretty, but right now, the way the flames of the fire are dancing around in her eyes, the way her lips seem so full and…I can’t believe I’m saying this…kissable right now, it‘s positively making me crazy that I‘m so close to her but can‘t touch her. Wow.

We walk over and sit on the red velvet couch that sits directly in front of the fireplace. She stares into the flames for a moment before turning her gaze back to me.

“So…” she trails off. I see her smile again. And then, I don’t know why I did what I did. Maybe it was because her eyes were so mesmerizing, maybe it’s because the way the flickering light from the fire is dancing across her skin, I don’t know. I watched my hand travel up slowly to her face, like there’s some magnetic force pulling it there, and I push a stray piece of wavy brown hair from her face, and I brush her cheek with index finger as I move the hair away from her face.

“You look pretty.” I say as I pull my hand away from her cheek. She blushes and puts her hand to her face.

“Thank you.” Her cheeks darken, becoming about the color of the couch we are sitting on.

Something has taken over my brain. It’s making me do all these things that I wouldn’t normally do. It’s making me say things that I wouldn’t normally say. We stay sitting on the couch. We don’t say anything, we just look into the fire, and sometimes at each other, but quickly turn away, blushing. Could this be what I’m thinking? Is it…love? Wow. It’s hard for me to even say that word. I thought I’d lost all the people I love. I guess not. But, wait. What is love?

You know what? I think they should write a book on love. With pictures and testimonials and stuff. Something that could help me figure this out. Are these feelings that I’m having…are they signs. Do I really love her? No, not best friend love. I mean real love. Am I in love with her?

Hmm, I guess I shouldn’t ask myself questions I already know the answer to. The answer hits me like a ton of bricks as she scoots closer to me on the couch. I don’t see how I couldn’t see it before. She’s so beautiful. I love her so much.


(A/N: Soo...is it okay? Do you like it? Please R&R. If I get some good reviews [and my story gets accepted. not necessarily in that order.] then i'll post the next chapter. Yeah. )

(p.s. A/N: Well, I've decided to make this story a one chapter story. It was really just to see if anyone liked my writing. I got some really good reviews. Thanks guys!! Much love for that. I'm getting ready to submit another story to mugglenet, though. It's going to be a James/Lily story. Check it out? Thanks!)