The ghostly green light illuminating the underground common room of the Slytherin House did nothing to lighten the mood of Severus Snape. No attempts were made by any of his housemates to cheer him up, not that they were inclined to do so. The camaraderie between the students depended on the understanding that something was to be gained from the ‘friendships’ and nothing more. Severus knew that his mates were just a way for him to be included in the right circles when the time came for bigger and better things.

As he gazed into the dancing flames his demeanor slowly changed from regret to indignation and back again. He had believed that with the upcoming end to the O.W.L.s he could possibly relax before he had to return to the desolate life he led outside the castle walls. At Hogwarts he had everything he had ever wished for, that was until what had come to pass that afternoon.

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!�

Scowling to himself Severus shifted in the high backed chair wishing that there was something less irritatingly stiff to sit on. His thoughts were concentrated on one thing and schoolwork was definitely not it. If he was honest with himself his mind was almost always focused on not just anything, but a certain someone. As he settled back into the chair he frowned once more into the fire.

“Hey! Snape stop being a touchy git and help me figure out how to get firewhisky into the castle.� Avery’s voice carried quite clearly across the common room to where Severus was sitting. Some first years giggled but it was quickly stifled as Avery looked around for the source.

“I doubt you won’t have any problems finding someone else to help supplement your delinquencies Avery.� Severus’ impatience with his dimwitted associates allowed for him to vent some of the emotions threatening to boil over.

“Well I would but the damn prefects are patrolling more than ever now that exams are over. Especially with that goody two shoes Mudblood and the sickly loser from Gryffindor in the corridors.� Avery had ambled his way over to Severus’ chair and was now leaning haughtily on its back.

Severus barely controlled his sudden impulse to strangle the idiot behind him, but only just. Instead he grimaced and grunted out what he hoped would be taken for an adequate response. Apparently Avery took it as an invitation instead and joined Severus by dropping into the chair next to his.

“I think that maybe the firewhisky will have to wait for another time Avery. Even Dumbledore has an eye out for trouble these days.�

“You know I heard about what happened down at the lake,� Avery was facing the fire but his sideways glances toward Severus betrayed his eagerness. “We could always get back at that specky git and his dimwitted pals.�

“I don’t want to talk about it,� ground out Severus. “They’ll pay for what they did but not now.�

‘No,’ he thought, ‘they’ll be paying tenfold if I have my way. If only Lily could see them for what they really are.’

Suddenly Severus couldn’t stand the oppressive atmosphere of the room. The rough stone walls seemed to be closing in and Avery’s toneless drone was buzzing in his ears. Without preamble he jerkily stood from his seat and fled from the room.

As soon as the doorway sealed itself behind him he felt marginally better. Taking a few steps towards the entrance hall the weight of his thoughts seemed to lift with each meter gained. It was as though the castle was leading him towards a salvation he didn’t know he was seeking. It was a salvation that he couldn’t bring himself to ask for.

Lily. It was all her fault that he was feeling this way. She had plagued his thoughts and dreams since he had first seen her at the Muggle playground by his house. He thought that perhaps he had found someone who cared for him, that she could possibly, in turn, love him. Those hopes, he soon realized, were idle fantasies that couldn’t withstand the realities of life.

He had done everything in his power to make her see that he could be everything she needed. What he didn’t count on was being unable to be everything she wanted. Instead he had almost become as ridiculous as Potter, who jumped through hoops to impress Lily with his foolishness. Severus realized that he may not be an imbecile like Potter but he too would do whatever necessary for Lily, even if it meant turning to the Dark Lord.

It hadn’t been his intention to get in so deep but the other Slytherins that were willing to join had accepted him and he finally felt that he belonged. For the first time in his life he was part of something that would change the world so he could live the life he deserved and not the one imposed upon him. If only Lily would understand that he was doing it for her.

The torches hanging on the wall seemed to illuminate nothing outside the small halo they cast upon the wall. It was nearly past curfew but Severus could care less. The halls were deserted, other than the occasional ghost floating by and the odd portrait warning him to return to his common room. Not even a sign of the stodgy caretaker echoed through the halls. Again Severus had the feeling that the castle was watching out for him.

Without fully acknowledging where he was going he headed further and further up the stone stairwells. Ever since first year when Lily had been placed in a world apart from his own he had been privy to the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. He had only been there the previous night after walking her back from a group study session for potions. His feet led him up the path he knew well and allowed his mind to wonder if this could be the end of something that could have been great.

Without hesitation he rounded the last corner and came face to face with the Fat Lady’s portrait. She knew who he was and looked at him with a mixture of curiosity and ill disguised suspicion.

“Password?�

“You know perfectly well I don’t know the password.� Severus tried to keep the irritation out of his voice but it seeped through none the less.

“Without the proper password I’m afraid that I cannot let you in.� The Fat Lady smiled to herself and smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt. “I suggest you return to your common room and wait until morning to address whomever it is you are seeking.�

“I’m here to see Lily Evans as usual. Is it possible to get a message to her or something, I really need to talk to her.�

“I’m not an owl young man. Whatever it is you have to discuss with Ms. Evans can surely wait until morning. Goodnight.� Her perfunctory tone indicated to Severus that he had reached a dead end, but he wasn’t going to give up.

“You’re right it probably can wait until morning. I’ll be happy to wait here until then if you don’t mind.�

“What? You don’t mean sleeping out here do you? That’s a direct violation of curfew and not to mention highly inappropriate.�

Just as he was about to retort the portrait swung forward and Lily stepped out. As the doorway closed behind her Severus withheld the smug look he felt the Fat Lady deserved. It was not the moment to test Lily’s patience.

At first they stood looking at each other and it was Severus who broke the cold silence.

“I’m sorry.�

“I’m not interested.� Lily was standing arms folded together tightly over her dressing gown. Her normally bright green eyes were narrowed in anger and disappointment.

“I’m sorry!� He truly was but he could feel the cracks between them widen with every word he spoke.

“Save your breath. I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here.�

“I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you a Mudblood, it just –“

“Slipped out? It’s too late. I’ve made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends—“ She was using a tone of voice never directed towards him before. In fact he had never heard her speak to anyone that way before. “… you see, you don’t even deny it! You don’t deny that’s what you’re aiming to be! You can’t wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?�

He opened his mouth to reply, even deny but the damage done was too much to ever hope to repair.

“I can’t pretend anymore. You’ve chosen your way, I’ve chosen mine.�

“No – listen, I didn’t mean –“ It was the moment he had been dreading since the first time he saw her, the day she would break his heart.

“—to call me a Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?�

Severus’ mind was screaming for him to tell her everything that he kept hidden away. The hopes and dreams of the life they could have together. She was the one thing that had gone right in his whole miserable life. Even the escape to Hogwarts at the beginning of every term paled in comparison. But before he could utter a single syllable she had thrown him a look of contempt and disappeared back through the portrait hole.

He was left standing in the deserted corridor with only the portraits as company. The Fat Lady was no longer hiding her emotions and glared down upon him until with a sigh he turned back the way he had come. This time there was no glimmer of reconciliation to light his way. He had chosen his path and it was one that he had known she would never be able or willing to follow.

Once again the trip through the silent hallways of the castle was only interrupted by the mutterings of paintings. The torches still illuminated nothing beyond their limit but now a cold chill had seeped into the castle and stolen what warmth they could have provided. It was all the same, as though the physical world had not been ripped apart with Severus’.

He walked intently to the section of wall that allowed him to enter his common room and slowed his pace to a stop. As he murmured the password and the doorway dissolved into view he heard Lily’s voice echoing in his mind.

“Why should I be any different?�

“Because I love you.�

Severus stepped through the doorway and it sealed resolutely behind him.