I held my head straight in the air as I sat at the staff table, trying to look like I had authority. But it apparently wasn’t working, as I’d just heard a student say loudly, “Hey, Julia, does that teacher have constipation?”

Idiots.

I relaxed a bit, trying to ignore the loud babble of teenage witches and wizards, and began to listen in on the conversation of the professors on my left. I still didn’t know their names, even though I’d been introduced. Some of the wizarding family names are so queer.

“. . . duck’s foot,” the Head of one of the Houses, Grippendoor or something, finished. He had some utterly ridiculous name, Widebuttocks perhaps, and needed to shave.

“Ah, yes, I suppose that should work. I’ll have to try that. Perhaps put in a few Mandrake leaves as well. . . . . Could you possibly get me a few?” Zucchini’s overly cordial voice seemed a bit forced. He didn’t seem very nice, from what I’d heard out of him.

Widebuttocks seemed to notice me listening in, and, of course, had to drag me into the conversation. I’ll have to thank him for that later. Or not.

“Oh, hello! Aren’t you the new Non-Magical Studies teacher?” He seemed to stumble over the job title.

“Yes. I’m Chastity Fagman.”

Zucchini’s mouth twitched, then he fake coughed. I wonder why.

Widebuttocks blinked and his lips thinned for a moment. “A pleasure to meet you, Professor. I’m Neville Longbottom.” Longbottom, Widebuttocks. Close enough.

While I was meeting Longbottom, Zucchini’s expression had furrowed in confusion, then lightened to a smile, that of one who is amused by something no one else sees. “Aren’t you a Muggle?”

“What’s a Muggle?”

Zucchini smirked. “You’re a Muggle.”

The Longbottom’s face was lit up with curiosity. Oh, God. Here we go. “How are you teaching at Hogwarts, then? I was under the impression that a person had to have magic to teach here. No offence intended, of course,” he added quickly, after seeing my face.

“Apparently, your ‘impression’ was incorrect.”

“Apparently.” He exchanged an amused look with Zucchini. “So, tell me how you even heard of the position, if you’d like to.”

“Well, my half sister, Megan Grant, got her Hogwarts letter when I was seventeen. Well, when she graduated last year, there was an opening for Muggle Studies. She spoke with the Headmaster about getting me a job, and he sent me an owl asking me to meet him. I did, and I got the job.”

“Hmm. I suppose Muggles Studies - That’s a shorter way of saying it, ‘Non-Magical Studies’ is too long - is the one subject in here that a person wouldn’t have to have magic,” he pondered. “You should try the baked zucchini, it’s quite good.”

But before I could assent (or not), the food disappeared, and was almost instantly replaced my the desserts. Although Megan had told me about it, it would take some getting used to.

“I remember Megan. Acted normal in class, and insane everywhere else. No clue how the hell she passed some of her classes, what with her little effort with homework.” Longbottom shook his head. “Never was any good at Herbology, anyway.”

“Well, she did well enough in Potions, at least until I caught her switching her cauldron with another student’s when she thought no one was watching. She got a few, ah, unusual detentions for that.” Zucchini smirked, no doubt remembering my little sister’s pain and suffering.

The plates once again emptied of food. The Headmaster stood up to address the school. The talk slowly died down.

“Welcome back once again for a new school year. Mr. Pyss, our new caretaker, would like me to remind you that the new Insta-Hex Wands from Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, along with all other products from the line and prank products from the shop, are banned. Any student found with one in their possession will receive detention. As always, the Forbidden Forest is forbidden to students.

“Anyone wishing to try out for their House Quidditch team should sign up at their Head of House’s office.

“And as our last announcement, we have our new Muggle Studies teacher, Chastity Fagman” Some snickers echoes around the hall.”I’m sure all of her students will learn much from our first Muggle teacher ever.”

What the hell? The bastard told them? They were bound to find out at some point, but not now?

I could see faces change from curious and confused to wicked grins.

Oh, shit.

-

It was time for my first class. A bunch of 15-year-old wizards from the snake House (whatever it was called), who knew they could hex my ass out of the room and three-fourths of the way to Uranus. Oh, God.

I fumbled with my class plans, then sat in my chair to read it one more time.

1) Introduce self
2) Give overview of class (see individual class page)
3) Give out quiz (to see how much they know)
4) Set homework (Essay/read 1st chapter in book)

I set the pages back down on my desk and breathed deeply. I could do this.

I could now hear students in the hall.

I couldn’t do it.

I stood, and walked over to the closed door. I slowly opened it. I winced as students converged into the room, a couple of elbows and shoulder jostling me.

I quickly walked back to the front of the room, ignoring the students examining my personal non-magical items with a mixture of curiosity and disgust.
As I passed the front few rows, a black hared kid stuck his foot out. I managed not to trip, and scowled at him. Hopefully menacingly.

“Everybody, take your seats!’ I shouted over the chattering class, hoping that they would listen. The talking dulled down to a dull roar as that sat. “I’m Professor Fagman. I’ll be your teacher here for the foreseeable future.” I paused as I tried to remember what I was supposed to say next. Oh, right, class overview. I ignored the whispering students.

“This year you’ll be conti-“ Suddenly, my mouth couldn’t move. I saw in the corner of my eye a flash of movement. Damn it, I hadn’t expected them to do anything to me, just be a bit unruly.

I heard laughter from some of the students as I was completely immobilized. I fell to the floor. It was really hard. I could do absolutely nothing about it. That was the worst part. Not counting when my old marker set was bewitched to poke and prod me painfully.

At the end of the period, they quickly undid the spells and ran out of the room before I could do anything about them. Instead of waiting for my next class - a bunch of Third Years - I walked with my jaw set to the Headmaster’s office.

“I quit."