1. The Shoes by emerald_dolphin
Lily Evans sat at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, silently picking at her apple pie. Her best friend, Azalea, sat across from her, a worried look on her face. After a few moments, Azalea spoke. “Lily, you need to eat something,” she said softly. Lily glanced up, seeming to just notice she had company.
“No, really, Lea, I’m not hungry,” she replied, giving a small smile that didn’t reach her shockingly green eyes.
“Come on, Lils, just a few bites. I’m worried about you.”
Lily grimaced and popped a bit of pie into her mouth. “Happy now?” she asked sarcastically, after forcing herself to swallow. The pie hadn’t tasted good. Nothing had tasted good since “ no. Lily couldn’t even bring herself to think about it. “Besides,” she lied, to take herself off that train of thought, “there’s no need to be worried about me. I’m fine.”
Azalea gazed at her sadly. “No, Lily, you’re not. Ever since your mom died you haven’t been yourself. I understand that you need to grieve, Lily, I really do, but it’s been six months. You haven’t talked about it at all; you haven’t even cried. Please, Lils. I hate what you’re doing to yourself.”
Lily sighed. “Lea, I’m fine. Just let it go, all right?”
Azalea frowned at her. “You really need to see yourself. You’re not fine at all, and you’re not the Lily I know and love.”
That Lily’s gone, Lily wanted to say. She died with my mother. But she didn’t. Lily wasn’t one to have outbursts like that, especially since…
Azalea sighed. “I’m going up to the common room. I’ll be there if you want to talk.” Lily nodded and watched her friend leave the table. Then she let her head fall and rest on the cool, hard wood. I’m a terrible person, she thought miserably. All she wants to do is help, but I can’t let her. But how could I? How could I possibly let Lea have the same fate as my mother? How could I go through that again?
A sudden hoot made Lily jump and bang her knee. Rubbing the spot tenderly, she looked up to see a beautiful snowy owl sitting in front of her, holding a letter. “Who’re you after?” Lily wondered aloud, stroking its feathery head with a shaking hand. Lily hadn’t gotten mail for six months; not since it happened. Her father had been so overcome by grief that he had completely cut himself off from the outside world, only emerging from his room to grab another bottle of scotch from the cupboard.
And Petunia was just being Petunia. She had only sent one single letter to her sister after their mother’s death. This letter, however, had not contained condolences. Basically, it had informed Lily that Petunia was getting married, and that Lily was most definitely not invited to the wedding. It also said that Petunia blamed Lily for her mother’s death, and so there was ‘no way that they could ever be associated with each other again.’ Honestly, Lily couldn’t have cared less about the wedding, but the letter had planted a seed of doubt in Lily’s head. Maybe, just maybe, Lily was the reason for her mother’s death. Since she was magical, since she went to Hogwarts, she was more of a threat to Voldemort. Maybe if she hadn’t been a witch, her family would never have been attacked.
Lily’s hands trembled as she thought. That seed of doubt had been nurtured, and then it had grown into a small but healthy shrub. Lily saw all of the logic in the fact that it was her fault, but none of the logic in the counter-argument.
Suddenly, the owl hooted again, wrenching Lily away from her awful thoughts. “Thank you,” she whispered to the owl, taking the letter from its leg and feeding it a bit of bacon. “You can go now.” The owl blinked at her, its amber eyes looking at her calmly, then spread its wings and took off into the air. Lily watched it go: a splotch of white against a pure, blue sky.
Turning her attention to the letter, Lily noticed the return address.
The Ministry of Magic.
Lily’s throat constricted, and suddenly it was hard for her to breathe. Not Dad too, she thought desperately, tearing at the flap of the envelope. When she finally was able to reach the note and read it, she felt a sense of relief.
Lily Marie Evans,
We have found a few items of your mother’s possession, and we have sent them to you as remembrance. A package is awaiting you in your dormitory.
Sincerely, Maliga Fobsond (Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic)
Lily ran her finger over the word remembrance. Did she want to remember? Did she want to re-live happy days with her mother, knowing that they were all gone? Would that make her harder to let go? Deciding quickly, Lily tightened her grip on the letter and stood up. Without a glance back, she strode silently out of the Great Hall, taking the familiar route to the Heads’ dormitories.
“Squashcumber,” Lily said to the picture of the ballerina when she reached it. The dancer paused for a moment, then swept into a graceful curtsy and admitted Lily into the common room.
The first thing that Lily noticed when she walked in was James. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the fire, looking over his Charms notes. He glanced up when she entered. “Hey, Lily,” he said. She returned the greetings quietly. She and James had formed a friendly relationship over the year, seeing as he wasn’t asking her out every five seconds, but Lily wasn’t in the mood for talking much. “Lily? Are you okay?” James asked, starting to get up. “You don’t seem like yourself.”
“I’ve been getting that a lot lately. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine,” Lily said. He looked reluctant to let the subject drop that quickly, but he sat down again anyway, watching her concernedly.
“Just know that I’m here. You can talk to me.”
“Thanks, James,” Lily replied, looking around the room. “Um, did anything come for me?”
James nodded and threw a glance at the desk. “Over there. It took three owls to bring it in.” Lily nodded once more and went to pick up the package. It was a simple cardboard box, but Lily hesitated in touching it. This was it. This was the way she would remember her mother. By sifting through a cardboard box. Am I really strong enough to do this? she wondered.
Steeling herself, Lily picked up the box and trudged up to her room, her feet heavy. Once she had sat down on her bed, Lily unsealed the box with her wand and looked down at the contents of it.
On the top layer, there were postcards and pictures, mostly of Lily and her mother. Lily picked up one of the postcards carefully and started reading it.
Dear Lily,
I wish you were here with me right now. Switzerland is beautiful! The colors are stunning, and the mountains! Just incredible! It’s exquisite, and wonderful, and I wish I could share it with you. Are you having fun at Grandma’s? Not annoying her too much, I hope. I love you, darling, and I miss you.
Love, Mum
The page went blurry as Lily’s eyes filled with tears. She remembered her mother’s love of long, descriptive words, and the water threatened to fall. But she fought it back. Tears showed weakness, and Lily couldn’t be weak. She had to be strong. For her father, for her mother…
Tossing the postcard down onto the floor, Lily began digging through the rest of the box. She saw some jewelry that her mother had wanted Lily to have, a passport, and some books, but what made Lily stop and stare was at the very bottom of the box. The shoes. Her mother’s favorite shoes.
The shoes that she wore every time she went grocery shopping. The shoes she wore when she went to a movie. The shoes she wore to each and every one of Lily’s piano recitals. The blue, flat, checkered shoes. The shoes she was wearing when she died.
At the sight of those shoes, the tears Lily had been holding back spilled over and cascaded down her cheeks. Lily stood up. She couldn’t look at the shoes anymore. She had to get as far away from them as possible.
So she ran.
Lily ran blindly, unthinkingly, unknowingly. She darted down the stairs that her feet had pounded on in so many happier times, and past James, who stood up quickly when she passed him with a tear-streaked face. She ran down the many twisted hallways of the castle that were engrained into her mind from years of traversing down them. She dashed through the entrance hall, and out the front doors, and didn’t stop until she reached the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest, where she collapsed against a tree, sobbing. A few minutes later, James found her there.
“Oh, Lily.” With those two words, he knelt down and wrapped his arms around her, letting her sob into his shirt.
“It was her shoes!” Lily cried, tears falling thick and fast down her face. “Her God damn favorite shoes!”
“Shhhhh, Lily, it’s okay. It’s okay.” James rubbed her back soothingly in small circles, trying to calm her down.
After about 20 minutes, Lily sat up and wiped her face off quickly, getting rid of all the moisture there. She rested against him for a moment, closing her eyes. “Thanks, James. Thank you so much,” she whispered, and James gave her a little smile.
“Don’t worry about it, Lils. Really, I’m here whenever you want me. Unless you need to slap me or something, in which case I might run as fast as I can in the other direction.” Lily gave a weak little laugh, and suddenly she felt a wave of guilt wash over her.
Here was a man who was sitting with her at her worst possible moment, and he was able to make her laugh. He knew everything about her, and he still loved her for it. He didn’t care that she had hated him for six years. He was still open to her, and he was ready to accept a friendship that Lily would never have dreamed of having. He was being way too kind for what she deserved, and that thought almost made her cry again.
What was so wrong about James Potter anyway? Why was she so opposed to letting him into her life? He had grown up that year, and he really cared for her, as he had just proved. So why had she never said yes to him? Why had she never agreed to date him? Lily couldn’t think of a single answer for any of those questions.
“Hey, James?” she said softly, looking up at his face. His eyes were closed, and he seemed perfectly content just to have her in his arms.
“Mmm?”
“I’m sorry.”
James looked at her curiously. “Sorry for what?”
“Well, first of all, I’m sorry for just now. You shouldn’t have had to see me like this, or comfort me.” Seeing that he was about to protest, Lily shook her head. “No, don’t interrupt. I need to say this.” She took a deep breath and continued. “I’m also sorry that I was so rude and mean to you all those years. You really didn’t deserve it. Well,” she amended, chuckling slightly, “sometimes you did. But that’s not the point. You were always so good to me, and yet I still hated you. So I’m sorry for that.” He opened his mouth to reply, but Lily shook her head. “You want to know what I’m most sorry about, James?” she asked, looking directly into his hazel eyes.
“What’s that, Lils?”
“I’m sorry that I never said yes.”
James looked confused for a second, but then comprehension dawned on his face. His eyes sparkled and danced with a newfound joy. Reaching over, he cupped her face in his hands, holding it ever so gently. “Are you sure? You do realize that you’re dating James Potter, don’t you? The arrogant, bullying toe-rag?” Lily nodded, letting a quiet laugh escape. James smiled at the breathtaking girl sitting in front of him. The girl he had chased since 4th year. Merlin, she was amazing. “Lily Evans,” he murmured. Then he paused for a moment. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
Lily smiled back, a beautiful, radiant smile that hadn’t been seen in six months. “Yes, James Potter, I will.”
Slowly, James leaned closer to her face. When he was an inch away, he whispered, “You mean it? This isn’t a joke?”
“No, it’s not,” Lily replied in the exact same tone as him.
Smiling hugely, James closed the space between them, and pressed his lips against hers. The moment their lips met, Lily melted. She flung her arms around his neck, burying her fingers in his mop of messy black hair and deepening the kiss. For the first time in six months, life was good.