Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape sat beneath a tree on the quad, watching the other students frolic in the spring sun. Both had gotten to Seventh Form without dates to the Yule Ball; Peter because he was too unattractive to get even Lispeth Ackroyd (she of the cystic acne that defeated Madame Pomfrey’s finest efforts) to go with him, and Severus, because, well, he was Severus.

But Peter, though he would always be short and round and ratty looking, knew there was hope for his companion, if he could only be persuaded to take it. Peter had seen how Severus’ eyes followed Lilly Evans for years, and how she’d been kind to him, had defended him, even. Peter had also seen how Lily wiped her hand on her robes after touching him, and frankly, Peter agreed. Sev had missed some basic hygiene training along the way. Half Blood Prince he might be, but unwashed masses was how he smelled.

Lily was playing Frisbee with her friends; they were waving their wands at the very last minute before the whirling disc sank its fangs into an arm or hand, directing it to the next girl, until Lovinda Jenkins sent it flying towards the two outcasts under the oak tree. Severus lifted his wand, almost lazily, and the Frisbee exploded into a shower of shards, eliciting an outcry from the players.

“Honestly, Severus!” Lily came to survey the damage, and put it right with a quick “Reparo!” The toy levitated to her hand, as she went on. “You could have just returned it; Lovinda was trying to be friendly.”

“As if I would play such a puerile game,” Severus sniffed. “Do go back to your childish pursuits.” He turned away from her and pretended to study an open book on the grass, and she left, shrugging. Peter wouldn’t say anything just yet, but if Lily was too obviously smitten with James Potter to be attainable, Lovinda Jenkins had looked his way more than once. Peter wanted to help it along, because Severus’ success with short, curly, giggly Lovinda was as close as he would ever get to her.

“You know, Sev,” Peter said, oh so casually, “there’s a potion that might improve your chances there.”

“Oh, really,” drawled Severus, not taking his eyes from the book. “You assume I desire a chance with vapid creatures who have no attributes beyond the pneumatic.”

Since both Lily and Lovinda had earned numerous O.W.L.s, including Potions, that was a rather harsh assessment. Peter flinched. “It might have a rather marked effect on one or more of them. It might be entertaining to watch.” It would certainly be entertaining for Peter, no matter how it turned out. Severus might be even more entertained, if it went right.

“I don’t want anything I have to potion a girl to get,” sneered Severus, and while Peter could sympathize, he didn’t agree. Mostly because he never expected to get anything from a girl who wasn’t bespelled in some way, Peter thought any advantage should be exploited to the maximum. But this wasn’t what his friend and sometime victim wanted.

“Oh, nothing like that. You put the potion on yourself, and the girls find you more attractive right away. You’ll be amazed.” Peter had been trying to sneak up on this topic for a while, and Sev’s eyes on Lily made him think this was a good time. The girls had put the fanged Frisbee away and had sprawled on the lawn to eat something that rustled in the wrappers. The laughter that followed an escaped Chocolate Frog left the two young men out, again.

“I suppose this should be investigated,” said Severus, in the tones of one who sought only knowledge, and with the face of one who watched his beloved.

“I have some back in my trunk,” admitted Peter, “already made up.” He’d packaged it attractively, too, in an Egyptian glass bottle, nothing at all like its first container. Peter knew the importance of packaging.

Back in the dorms, Severus examined the bottle Peter had produced from the depths of his trunk. “And what exactly did you put in this?”

Peter thought fast. “Ah, toadflax, calendula, stearic acid, sodium lauryl sulfate, and lavender.” He’d not read the back of the bottle carefully enough to reel off the entire list. He could never admit that to the Champion of Potions, who was sniffing the open bottle with an openly disdainful expression.

“I don’t smell the toadflax.”

“There wasn’t much,” Peter equivocated.

“And the method of use?” Severus sniffed again at the open bottle.

“Apply it to wet hair, rub briskly, and rinse it off. The rubbing part is important, from what I’ve read.” Peter hoped Severus wouldn’t ask where he’d read it. The Hogwarts library had never seen these instructions.

“And what is expected to happen?” Severus capped the bottle with a certain caution.

“Once you rinse it off and go in public, you find out.” Peter had tried several brands of this potion, hoping for more than had happened so far. He didn’t really think it would turn him into an attractive six footer like in the adverts, but there ought to be some improvement… Sev, at least, was already tall. “It’s supposed to be good.”

“Very well.” The fragrant teenager took the bottle as he turned to go. ‘Thank you’ wasn’t part of his vocabulary, and Peter had learned not to expect it after all these years.

********

Severus sniffed the strange fluid again, and opened his potions book to the index. With one long, yellow fingernail, he tracked down the index, looking for the unfamiliar ingredients Peter had mentioned. ‘Sodium lauryl sulfate’ and ‘stearic acid’ had a poisonous ring to them, and he wasn’t finding either one in this reference, nor in the next two that he checked. Regretfully, he threw the bottle in the trash; Peter was not the Potions scholar that he was, and this greenish slime might do anything. Even if it wasn't just another prank originating with James, Sirius, and Remus, he wouldn't risk it.

********

Peter sat on the edge of his bed and thought about Severus, imagining him trying the ‘potion’ in the Slytherin's hidden bathing room, and wondering what he’d look like with really clean hair. He’d have to ask his parents to send another care package now that he’d parted with half his supply, because he could neither brew this potion nor buy it in a wizarding town. Boots*, however, had it by the shelf.


*British chain of drug stores, think Walgreens.