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November 1, 1981
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Sirius Black is a traitor. A murderer.

That was all Emma Tyson could think. Her soul mate – the one person she would have given anything for – was a murdering, traitorous bastard.

She couldn’t bring herself to believe that all the way, though. She couldn’t believe that her Sirius would have joined the Death Eaters. He would never have betrayed his friends, or anyone he cared about. But, all of the evidence pointed to the contrary. The longer she thought about it, the more she believed it.

After all, she thought, Sirius had always been a bit cruel.

She finally understood what people meant when they said that they were heartbroken. She’d never understood that saying before. How could a person’s heart possibly break? You couldn’t possibly still be alive if your heart was broken, right? She felt heartbroken now, though, like every bit of love had been ripped out of her body, thrown to the floor and viciously destroyed, leaving her with a huge, bleeding hole in her chest.

When she had heard the news, she’d spent that whole first day crying alone in their flat. No, she’d thought. It wasn’t theirs anymore. It was just hers now. She’d gotten up a few times, smashing mirrors and pictures of them at Hogwarts, and destroying anything that reminded her of him.

After she had smashed most of the glass in their flat, she’d started to clean everything. She scrubbed the floor with bleach, washed the sheets on the bed, scrubbed the bathroom … anything she could do to remove every trace of him from the house. She started to do dishes, but then she remembered him trying to cook with one of the pots the previous weekend, and she almost laughed.

He had insisted on cooking something, saying that she had been doing too much. She couldn’t even remember what he had been trying to make, but he had let it get too hot, and it had started bubbling, eventually managing to melt a spoon. She had been crying from laughing so hard.

He always tried so hard to make her happy.

But she quickly shut down all positive thoughts about him when she remembered what he was. – A liar. A traitor. A murderer. – and instantly dropped the pot into the sink.

She’d lain down on the hideous red and green couch and broke down once again. She’d cried and screamed and prayed that it was all a nightmare and that she’d wake up tomorrow in bed next to him to see that it had all just been a very bad dream.

Today shouldn’t have been sad.

It should have been the best day of her life.

She was pregnant, after all.

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On an island in the middle of the North Sea, Sirius Black finally broke down.

During the whole trip to Azkaban, he had been fighting, trying desperately to break free of the chains and Aurors that held him. When they had reached Azkaban Prison, the strange greyness of it all taunted him. Like all of the colour in the world would just vanish if they got too close.

It reminded him so much of the home he had left years ago. That childhood house had had the same compressing, terrifying coldness as the prison that would now be his home. He had never been anywhere with such a total absence of colour before … The dank, grey, utter hopelessness was what ultimately made him accept the fact that he wouldn’t get out, and that he wouldn’t ever see her again. He would never get to tell Harry that he was sorry. He would never be able to tell anyone the truth.

No one had ever escaped Azkaban, after all.

As they led him into his cell, he started to shake; the effect of the Dementors was immediate. He screamed, and he beat on the walls, trying to break out of his grey prison. He was furious: at Pettigrew, at Crouch, at the Ministry, at everything.

But mostly, Sirius was furious at himself.

How could he have been so stupid? It wasn’t like there hadn’t been signs! Why hadn’t they seen them? Why hadn’t they figured them out? Peter could never do anything because he was ‘busy’, and he always seemed to be giving the Order information that got one of them hurt.

The Prewetts had died because of Pettigrew. They had been at home, and though there hadn’t been a Fidelius Charm on their house, not many people knew where it was.

Sirius paced around his cell for the better part of an hour, but after a while, he sat down on the bench in the corner of his cell.

And for the first time since he was sixteen, Sirius Black cried.

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July 7, 1995
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Remus Lupin had been assigned the job of finding all of the old members of the Order of the Phoenix that Sirius couldn’t find. Many had been assumed dead, and since Sirius was a wanted criminal, he couldn’t exactly go down to the Ministry and look them up himself. Most of them had all been glad to come and help, all wanting to finish the war they had so desperately hoped was over almost fourteen years ago. That is, until he came to the final name on his list:

Emma Tyson.

The minute that he read it, he knew that she wouldn’t want to come. He knew that she wouldn’t want to see Sirius again. Or, it was very possible that she was happy with someone else and just wouldn’t want to be bothered.

But Remus didn’t think that was quite the case. He remembered the little girl in Ravenclaw, who looked so much like Sirius and Emma. He didn’t think that Emma would want her child to be raised by anyone other than their father, and if that little girl was Emma’s, Sirius was definitely the father. There was no doubt in Remus's mind about that.

He assumed that Sirius had just ignored her name on his list. After all, Remus knew his old friend well, and he knew that Sirius could be just as stubborn as Emma was. What would Sirius do if he found out that he had a daughter? he wondered. Remus hadn’t mentioned the child to him, mainly because he knew Emma wouldn’t want him to.

If she didn’t believe Sirius was innocent, she would want her daughter kept safe, and wouldn’t want Sirius anywhere near them, but if she did believe he was innocent, she would be thinking more of his safety than anything else. She would know that Sirius would try and find her.

He wrote her a letter, hoping she would consider coming to the meeting.

Emma,

I know I haven’t written in a long time, but to be totally honest, I knew that there was no point in doing so; I was sure that you wouldn’t have responded.

However, I didn’t just write to say hello, as you might have guessed … The rumours are true, I’m afraid. He’s really come back. I know we didn’t think that it was possible, but it has happened.

Emma, you need to know, Snuffles is innocent. Please, don’t think he would ever have hurt any of us.

(And Emma, you can stop thinking about burning this letter. I’m not writing to talk about Snuffles; I just thought you should know the truth.)

But back to the issue at hand. We‘re going to get the old group together again.

D asked me to contact all of the original members.

I’ll explain more clearly if you come.

We need you, Nim. Please come. You and he can be civil to one another, at the very least. Or, I suppose, you can even just ignore him, if that’s what the two you would prefer.

If you do decide to come, meet me at six near Snuffles’s old house.

Just think about it.

Always,

Remus

Oh God, Emma thought, sighing heavily.

She couldn’t talk to either of them. Remus or … him. For some reason that Emma still didn’t understand, she always just called him ‘him’ in her head. She supposed that it still hurt too much to think about him properly, but eventually, she had to get over her irrational fear of remembering him as he really was.

She wanted to talk to Remus, but Emma still felt that she couldn’t do it; it would stir up too many old memories that she had been trying to bury for years. She could go if it wasn’t for him. Remus she could handle, but he was too much.

Sirius Black would not mess up her life again. She was perfectly fine with her life as it was.

But Remus had said he was innocent.

It would be so easy to believe. It would be so simple to let herself fall in love with him again …

But she couldn’t. She’d spent fourteen years trying to hate him …

She sat there for a few minutes, simply pondering what to do. She decided that she would go; perhaps doing so would let her work things out with Remus and finally allow her to find some real peace. Sometimes, Emma felt as though she could really just use a friend.

And she would prove to Sirius Black that she was perfectly fine without him. Maybe not the best she’d ever been, but fine all the same.

Remus,

Hello. I’ve missed you as well. I should have written before now myself … But you were right; if you had written, I probably wouldn’t have answered.

I knew that he would come back eventually. All of those years ago, it was too … I don't know, simple, I guess. Well, not really simple, per se, but … oh, I don’t know. I’ll just say that I knew he didn’t die.

Remus, I don’t think I can be near – well, you know who I’m talking about. I mean, I can barely say his name. (Yes, I’m really that pathetic.)

I‘ll come, but don’t ask questions, or expect me to speak to him.

And don’t call me Nim.

With Love,

Emma

She glared at the barn owl on her counter, wishing that it would just leave and not wait for a response. But it didn’t. She tied her letter to its leg, and sent the bird off with an owl treat. Emma sat down on the wooden counter with her head in her hands just as her thirteen-year-old daughter Rachel walked in, smiling.

“Hey Mum,� she said. “What’s wrong? You look upset.�

Emma smiled at her daughter. “Nothing, honey, just a letter from an old friend. It’s nothing for you to worry about,� she said quietly, trying to reassure herself of the same thing.

Emma was much quieter than she had been in school. Life definitely hadn’t turned out the way she had planned when she was young.

She had been planning to work in the Ministry. She wanted half-humans – like werewolves and vampires – to have more rights. Sirius was going to marry her, and they wanted to have two children. She had never planned on getting pregnant at twenty-one, or raising a daughter on her own. She hadn’t ever expected to have to work three jobs to support her daughter, and especially not jobs like a house cleaner, a barmaid, or a seamstress.

At least, she thought, I raised a beautiful, intelligent young woman who won’t make the same stupid mistakes that I made at her age.

Rachel was a third-year Ravenclaw. She had always excelled at magic, especially Transfiguration. Emma couldn’t help but think how like her father she was. Thankfully, she had inherited her mother’s common sense, and ability to think before she acted. But really, she had more of her father in her than Emma would have liked.

Her father. Rachel didn’t know who he was; her mother didn’t talk about him and she didn’t ask. He didn’t even know that she existed. If Emma had gotten what she had wanted, it would have stayed that way, too. But unfortunately, at the moment, it didn’t look like that would happen.

Emma looked up at her daughter, who was digging around in the freezer. She watched as Rachel pulled out a carton of ice cream and a bowl, giving herself a large scoop and sitting down next to her mother on the counter.

“Mum?� she said through a mouthful of ice cream.

Emma looked at her again, taking in every detail of the girl’s face that was so similar to her father’s. Her father’s eyes, her father’s nose, her father’s wicked grin. Sometimes it hurt her just to look at Rachel. She saw so much of what could have been in Rachel.

She and Sirius would have been so happy. Rachel would have been so spoiled.

Everything would have been perfect.

She shook her head suddenly, like a dog trying to rid itself of water in its ears. “Yeah, Rachel?�

“Oh, you were just looking at me kind of oddly.�

“I was just thinking how beautiful you’ve become …�

Rachel made a face. “Thanks, Mum." She paused. "AndIwaswonderingifIcouldgotoCharlie’splaceforawhi le?�

Emma turned her head a bit to the side. “Huh? English, please.�

“I was wondering if I could go to Charlie’s place for a while. I could leave whenever; her mum said it was okay. They like me.� She grinned smugly, and in that moment, her face matched Sirius’s exactly. When they were younger, he would always smile like that when the Marauders had pulled off a perfect prank.

Emma smiled. If she thought of him as he was back then, it was all right; it didn’t hurt nearly as much. “Charlene Reynolds?� Rachel nodded and rolled her eyes. “Well then, sure you can. I like that girl; she’s sweet. Do you want to leave today?� She supposed she understood why Rachel was so nervous. Emma had been the same way the first time she asked her parents if she could stay at a friend’s over the summer.

“Mum, her name is Charlie. Not … ugh, Charlene … Ew. Yeah, can I go after I finish eating? I’m already packed! Her birthday is next week, and she’s throwing a really big party, and I’m going to help her plan! Can I stay until after her party?� Rachel asked as she put on her best puppy dog face. “Please, Mum?�

Emma laughed. “Rach, quit with the look; it doesn’t work on me. It didn’t work when your fath— well, it never has, and it never will. Besides, you didn’t even need to try; I was going to say yes anyway. I know it’s not much fun around here, and last year was tough on everyone, so you deserve to go party with your friends. Just don’t do anything stupid, alright? Go whenever you’re ready.�

She had almost mentioned Sirius. Had almost spoken about him … fondly? She had barely thought about him for years and now, here she was, almost talking about him to her daughter … and speaking of him fondly at that.

Rachel stood up at the same time as her mum, giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as she did so. “Bye, Mum. I love you, and I’ll write.�

As usual, Rachel glossed over all near mentions of her father, just as Emma did. Emma had always known that she would have to explain things to her daughter someday, but she wasn’t prepared to do it so soon. She knew that Rachel was just like her father in many ways, and those similarities were not just physical; Rachel had easily inherited Sirius's innate curiosity. She would have to know the truth someday, and Emma feared that, unfortunately, that day was going to come fairly soon. Especially if Emma kept nearly mentioning him.

Emma smiled. “I love you, too, Rachel. More than you’ll ever know. See you next week.�

Rachel ran to her room, came out dragging her trunk, and Floo-ed to her friend’s house.

Emma sat back down and began reading Remus’s letter again.

She realised halfway through it that she had never told Remus about Rachel. But he had to know now, didn’t he? He had been Rachel's professor in her first year. Had he made the connection?

If he had made the connection, would he have told Sirius about her?

It was almost time for her to go to the Order meeting. Sirius would have to find out about Rachel sometime. She wasn’t going to be able to avoid talking to him forever. She gritted her teeth and Apparated to the dark street that was Grimmauld Place.

As she looked at the empty space between numbers eleven and thirteen, she remembered that there were tons of spells on his house to keep it hidden from people … Well, not all people, just mainly non-Purebloods and other ‘lowly’ citizens that the Blacks didn’t think worthy of them. Sirius had mentioned many times before how obsessive his father was about privacy. And while Emma assumed that the spells had been changed, she figured that the basic principle behind them was the same.

Sirius had hated this place more than anything else in the world. She had never been able to comprehend how someone could hate their family so much. Her own parents had been the most loving people she had ever met. They would have loved her no matter what she did. It had always bothered her that Sirius had never had that, when it had been so obvious that he deserved it.

And even though she didn’t want it to, the sight of the street caused Emma to feel a familiar pang of sadness at knowing that Sirius – a man who had always been wild and reckless, a man who had always loved to travel and move – was locked up in the one place that he had sworn never to go back to.

Life, she decided, was horribly unfair.

She looked around, unsure of what to do. Suddenly, she saw Remus Lupin (looking older and greyer than anyone should at thirty-six) walking down the street towards her.

He smiled slightly when he saw her, and she tried her best to smile back.

He walked up to her and hugged her tightly. “I thought I’d never see you again. I’ve missed you, Nim. I got your letter. No questions. I’ll try. �

Emma doubted that he could manage it. They hadn’t seen each other in thirteen years, and Remus had always wanted to understand things, mostly for the simple reason so that he could try to help.

“Yeah, I’ve missed you, too. I don’t really want to talk about stuff, you know? And I’m not even acknowledging Sirius Black’s presence. Oh, and don’t call me Nim. Second time I’ve told you today,� she said, grinning slightly.

“Sorry, Emma. I’d forgotten how much you hated it. Come inside, and we can get Dumbledore to explain to you what’s going on.� Remus dug through his pockets for a moment before revealing a small piece of paper. He showed it to Emma. “Memorize this,� he said.

‘The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix are located at Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London.’