An Essay On The Life And Achievements Of Harry Potter

An Amazing Poem On The Life And Weirdness Of My Dad


Well, my dear father has done lots of stuff,
Saving the world and being quite rough.
At age just one he stopped the Dark Lord
Who’d come after him because he was bored.
Lots of green light and evil genius laughter
Left calamity, tragedy, ruin and disaster.
The house in pieces, lying around;
But let’s not be sad – Voldy was down!
Flying across England on a motorbike,
Driven by Hagrid – who I really like –
Dumped at the Dursley’s for ten long years,
Mocked by Dudley and ignored by his peers,
A pair of weird glasses and a lightning shaped scar:
Surely my dad would never go far?

But Hagrid came back, with a bombshell to drop:
My dad was a wizard! Gee, what a shock.
On the Hogwarts Express, September first,
He met Uncle Ron – and was instantly cursed!
No, I’m joking, Uncle Ron’s a great guy,
And friendship was formed, who knows why?
Under the Hat, put in Gryffindor:
A whole new exciting world to explore.
McGonagall was strict, and Snape was a bitch,
But it all kicked off on the Quidditch pitch.
Malfoy stole Prof. Longbottom’s Rememberall
And flew off with it, breaking the rules!
My dad flew after him – making all the girls scream,
Saved the Rememberall, and made the house team!

A fight with a troll and two became three
As he and Uncle Ron made friends with Aunt Hermione.
Being nosy little children, they uncovered a plot –
Involving none other than Lord Voldemort.
Suspecting Snape, they formulated a plan
To stop the Dark Lord and his evil henchman.
Past Fluffy, murdering plants and flying keys,
A quick game of chess where Uncle Ron was brought to his knees;
Abandoning him, as all good friends would,
They worked out a riddle as quick as they could.
My dad entered a room with a mirror and bloke:
That was Quirrel, not Snape – this must be a joke!
Removing his turban, Voldy was there,
On the back of his head where there should have been hair.
Looking in the mirror my dad found a stone,
The very same one Voldy wanted to own.
Trying to escape, a struggle ensued
In which Voldy was shouting and Quirrel was nude.
Haha, not really, I promise I jest,
But my dad blacked out and couldn’t remember the rest.
Luckily, he survived, bruised but okay –
‘Cause good old Dumbledore had saved the day!

Year two, and some advice from an elfish guy
Who said that returning to school would mean Dad would die.
Uncle Ron and his brothers showed up then one night,
In an illegal car, not to their mother’s delight.
Grandma yelled, ‘Boys, I’m gonna strangle ya,’
But they flew to school in the same old Ford Anglia,
Soaring, flying and crashing into a tree,
That Uncle Ron said clearly had PMT.
But that year things started going wrong,
Not least after my mum wrote a weird love song.
A cat was petrified by an evil beast;
My dad was suspected – so they got that right at least!
A mad Bludger attack, and some more kids went down,
And in a girl’s bathroom a diary was found.
Tom Riddle? Sounds like a bad guy to me.
But the diary was stolen! Who could it be?
A message daubed on the wall in red ink,
So with my dad playing hero, and Uncle Ron tagging along
They visited the Chamber that had been deserted for so long.
A fight with a Basalisk ended in glory for Dad,
And my mum survived, so it wasn’t all bad.

Thirteen now, and Aunt Marge went for a float;
Dad ran away, not by car, plane or boat,
But on a violently purple triple deck Knight Bus,
Where he was told Black had escaped! Causing lots of fuss,
Somehow finding out that Black’s after him,
For once in his life my dad decides not to be dim,
But to be a good boy – ‘cause that’s always fun,
And stay away from the murderer that’s out on the run.
Sneaking to Hogsmeade for Butterbeer and laughter,
My dad found out that Black’s his Godfather!
After visiting Hagrid in his crib
They meet Black who insists the whole story’s a fib.
Deciding that Black is not guilty as charged
The whole scene is ruined as in Snape barged.
So Black is sentenced and all looks pretty grim,
But Dumbledore decides to play God on a whim;
He sends Dad and Aunt Hermione back three hours
To stop all evil with their majestic powers.
They saved a Hippogriff and old Black in turn,
But the rat escaped to help old Voldy return…

Year four and a trip to the Quidditch World Cup
Is disrupted when the Dark Mark is sent up.
Back at school, Dumbledore gets the whacky idea
To make life really risky for a whole flipping year.
The Triwizard Tournament started with the Champions read
Krum, Aunt Fleur and legendary hottie: Ced.
Mysteriously, my dad was chosen, too,
And Barty Crouch said he had to go through.
Uncle Ron, however, went a bit green-eyed,
Going all girly, saying, ‘I can’t believe you lied!’
Somehow my dad cheated on the first task,
He blames it on Hagrid, well, Dad, kiss my… bum
Dad and Uncle Ron re-became best mates,
But Aunt Hermione went to the Ball with a guy Uncle Ron hates.
It all got ugly with shouting and yelling.
But what Task Two was, Dad had no way of telling.
With help from Dobby he made it down to the lake,
Swam and saved Ron, but then made a mistake:
Being a prat he saved Aunt Fleur’s sister as well,
Though she was kept safe by a magic spell.
Task Three was a maze worse than at Hampton Court.
Who knew at the centre would wait Voldemort?
Brought back to his body by evil and badness,
Voldy got his Death Eaters to come join the madness.
So then it was a rave of about twenty on one,
And it was looking for my dad like the end had come.
But just when things were getting pretty bad,
The wands went weird, at least just a tad.
Something cool happened, I’m too lazy to say –
But the good news is: my dad got away!

Fifteen, and things were looking kind of bad,
Death and destruction and my dad getting mad.
The kiddies at school thought he was a freak,
And an evil new teacher was making life kind of bleak.
So Dad and his mates decided to break the rules
And do extra lessons – man, were they cool!
No really, they called their club the DA;
They all got together, doing defence their own way.
One night, after lying for hours awake,
Dad dreamt that Grandpa had been bitten by a snake.
And trusting in Disney that dreams do come true
He told the whole world, which was a good thing, too.
Grandpa was saved and Christmas was merry,
Though Sirius wasn’t happy, at least not very.
And right in the middle of an important test,
My dad had a dream of something that left him distressed:
In the Ministry of Magic, Voldy had Sirius,
In a department that was really quite mysterious.
So Dad ran to the rescue with five of his homies,
But when they arrived, they met Voldy’s cronies!
In the Hall of Prophecy, a fight was fought,
And when he found it was a trick, my dad was distraught.
My, what a plonker he had been
To have thought it was real and believe what he’d seen.
The Phoenix turned up, but Sirius died anyway,
And my dad escaped, destroying the prophecy
Then he went angsty and emo galore,
Throwing Dumbledore’s possessions all over the floor.
But when he heard the prophecy, he finally saw
That it was all more complicated than he’d thought before.

Sweet sixteen, and darkness was emerging;
Dementors breeding – how very disturbing.
Trips with Dumbledore into Voldy’s past,
Learning about Horcruxes had to be a blast.
Attacks on students, and a text book of wonders
Hardly made up for Dad’s Malfoy-stalking blunders.
Then a Horcrux found – a world to save,
So Dad and Dumbledore went to a cave,
Had an adventure and found a locket
Which, for the sake of rhyme, Dumbledore put in his pocket.
But back at Hogwarts all was not right
With the Dark Mark hanging in the night!
Dozens of Death Eaters let in by Malfoy
Were killing people – which I hear they enjoy –
Dumbledore snuffed it, and Uncle Bill was attacked;
Snape made a run for it without a look back

Seventh year, or so it should have been,
My dad never went back to the Hogwarts scene.
He hung out in a tent with Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione,
Looking for Horcruxes and trying to stop Voldy.
During a trip to the Ministry to find the real locket
They found Moody’s eye far away from its socket.
At Godric’s Hollow an attack from a snake
And, at the Lovegood’s, a narrow escape.
Being an idiot, my dad got them captured,
And with victims to torture Bellatrix was enraptured.
Locked in a cellar that smelt like doom,
They escaped from what could have been their tomb.
A trip to Gringotts left two Horcruxes to go
Which were at Hogwarts, at least my dad thought so.
So, of course, a big fight just had to take place:
A battle it was, but also a race.
After much searching and talking and kissing,
The trio found one of the items that they were missing.
Then something happened that was just plain weird:
My dad was murdered and sort of… disappeared.
He had a chat with Dumbledore in his head
And came back to life, too lazy to be dead.
Prof. Longbottom killed the snake – the last piece of soul –
And then nothing was left but to let things roll;
Dad and Voldy had a bit of natter,
One of them died – obviously the latter.

Well, that’s quite a lot, over 1,700 words,
From his most amazing child – of course it’s his third!
And that’s what I think is my dad’s greatest achievement of all:
Putting up with me, ever since I was small.
Yes, it may be corny, but I am just glad
That the world’s biggest prat is also my dad!