I was dying, I knew that. It was quite the bittersweet death, when I thought about it. Sure, I was getting what I wanted, but at the price of my life.

A sad thought struck me then. I would never see his face again. But he would miss me, of course. I had never been able to tell a decent lie. I knew he wouldn’t miss me. He only cared for her.

I tried to imagine my life, if he had been in it, in the way I had wanted him to be.
The flashbacks came rapidly then.

“SLYTHERIN!” the Hat shouted, earning me many cheers. I shakily sat down amongst the green-clad others. I looked up and down the table at my house. He gave me a small smile, or what I thought to be a smile. It quite possibly could’ve been a smirk. Either way, it didn’t reach his eyes. His coal black eyes.
***
We had been sending owls back and forth all summer. Snape had been describing how amazing Hogsmeade was. He promised to show me around. I think he thought of himself as an older brother to me. That pleased me, but not enough.

I could tell he was still wary of me. I knew it was because of Sirius. He was probably waiting for me to follow in my brother’s footsteps. He was probably waiting for the day I called him Snivellus.

I desperately wanted to ask him if this was what he thought. But I didn’t. He would deny it profusely, I knew that. So I showed him. I showed him through my actions how faithful I was to the noble house of Slytherin, to the pureblood status, and most importantly, how faithful I was to him.
***
Severus kept his promise; he took me around Hogsmeade. His friends didn’t seem to mind me being around.

Although our bond had tightened in the past year, I felt as though Severus was keeping something from me.

I decided to confront him, keeping the words of my mother in mind. “When asking another for private or privileged information, do not show your true emotions. Merely give them what they want to hear.”
***
It was nearing midnight and the common room was empty. I sat, rigid on the leather couch, waiting.

When the minute hand finally reached the twelve, his smooth voice rang out like a foghorn in the dead silence.

“You wished to speak with me, Black?”

There was a note of petulance in his voice. I supposed it was due to the late hour.
He calmly walked to the couch and perched himself on the armrest.

“Yes, Severus. I need to ask you something.” Severus nodded for me to continue.
“If you trust me, you will answer me truthfully. What are you hiding from me? What do you feel must be kept from me? Why are you hiding whatever it is from me?”

Severus appeared to freeze for a moment, as if he were thinking of what to say, or how to handle this. He looked as if he was going to leave, but then he looked at my face, my expression. I don’t know what he saw, but it made him stay.

“You must tell no one, Regulus, promise me that you will not speak a word,” he said, almost angrily.

Shivers went down my spine as he said my name, and I nodded rapidly, wanting him to continue.

“You know that before I came here, to Hogwarts, I knew Lily Evans, the Gryffindor.” I was suddenly uneasy, I felt a sort of dread fill me. “She and I had been friends for as long as either of us can remember. But… I don’t like her as a friend.” He was whispering now, clutching hard to the armrest. “I like her more, more than I should. More than she ever will, more than she ever could.”

I felt numb. My mind screamed for me to hurt her, to keep her away from Snape, to do whatever I had to. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt her, because that would hurt him. I had to be on his side. I had to betray my heart.

Love was like a pack of werewolves, I thought to myself, harmless most of the time, but also a bloodthirsty monster.
***
I had never seen Severus so upset. He had gone to apologize for calling Lily what she was, a filthy Mudblood, but she wouldn’t listen, and he was now broken. I don’t know how long I sat with him in that strange room on the seventh floor. It could’ve been for days. After a while, my insides began to hurt. I could feel my soul bleeding, my heart sobbing with him. But I said not a word, not a word that wasn’t comforting.
***
It was our first night back at Hogwarts. Severus had been gone all summer, so I told him of my OWL results. He seemed smug, as though it was because of him.

It still hurt to be near him, but not as much. I think he was over the Mudblood, and I was secretly pleased. The other Slytherins were delighted, and didn’t mind showing it.
As we were finishing our meal, he spoke quietly and rapidly.

“You must meet us in the common room at one o’clock this morning. Do not be late.”
Curious, I obeyed.
***
The common room was lit only by the flickering of the flames in the fireplace.

Severus and seven others sat in a semicircle facing me.

They spoke of the Dark Lord, and how his ideas were perfect, flawless, and how they had all decided to follow him, to aid him in his quest for greatness.

They said that I should join too, and that the benefits would be great. They told me I would have power.

I sought out Severus. He seemed to agree wholeheartedly with them. After that, I knew I could trust the Dark Lord.

I agreed to join, and their faces split into grins. They moved towards the fireplace, one of them dragging me along. Another stepped forward and tossed something into the flames, causing them to turn green. Floo Powder.
The one who had brought me over, Avery, I think his name was, stepped into the flames with me in tow.
He shouted something, but I was far too nervous to comprehend what he had said.
***
Avery and I tumbled out onto a dark rug. He roughly pulled me out of the way as the others whirled out through the fire.

The eight left me then, and went to stand along the opposite wall.
The door clicked open then, and they immediately dropped to their knees, showing their respect. I turned my face to the door, and had to keep from gasping out loud.

The Dark Lord’s skin was paler than any I had ever seen and his malicious eyes were a deep ruby red.
He spoke not a word, but I felt a slight nudge in my mind. I ignored it, and he smiled.
“You are faithful, young one. You have much to offer me. Will you join us in our quest for purity?” he asked in a high, cold voice.
I nodded, swallowing the fearful lump in my throat with difficulty.

Avery stepped forward and told me to hold out my left arm. I obeyed, and he pushed my sleeve up. Severus looked away, and when I looked back at my arm, I knew why. He was holding a white hot branding iron an inch above my flesh.

“This may hurt,” he said, grimacing. “Try not to scream.”

He then pressed the brand down on my forearm. I clenched my teeth to keep the pain filled cry in my throat.

He finally removed it, after what felt like hours. The Dark Lord stepped forward, and laughed joyfully when the brand turned black.

I was horrified.

I watched as Kreacher stared at me with remorseful eyes, clutching that vile locket before he disappeared with a loud crack!

I dragged myself to the waters edge; I craved the coolness of it in my mouth. I needed it, to stop the horrifying images that dwelled in my mind.
As I came closer to the black water, I saw a white blob slowly become clearer. My lips touched the surface, and I watched as a snow-white hand reached out and pulled me in.

I fought, but it was useless. I was weak, and the Inferi were pulling me away from the surface, into the icy depths.

As the light started to fade, I whispered, “Goodbye.”