I’ve always had a good imagination, or so my mother says. I don’t know if it’s actually true or if she simply likes to sound superior, since my first novel was published last fall. I love my mother, but she does say things, on occasion, that aren’t completely accurate. I assume that it’s a quirk my father fell in love with.

Whether it’s innate as my mother says, or developed, my imagination kicks in right now. I squeeze my eyes a little bit and, as the music begins, I can pretend I am walking down the aisle. I can pretend I got the happy ending.

I am immersed in the image, euphoria filling my every cell. Everything feels so right, so perfect. It’s the wedding I’ve always imagined, to the man I’ve always loved, the man I loved first.

The music stops abruptly and I am standing again, two feet hard on the ground, flowers still barely in my fingertips. I am again an onlooker, a witness. I am the Maid of Honor, hopelessly in love with the groom. And I do anything to avoid looking at him. I can’t bear to see the look on his face, the love he has for the bride – my sister.

Victoire was born almost exactly ten months before me. And while I arrived wrinkly, pink and bald, Victoire was metallic – she shined. Always. Even now, twenty-five years later, I can see her glimmer. It’s what people fall in love with; it’s what Teddy fell in love with.

It’s not easy to live with a rainbow. How could it be? Being her sister is like being the sister of a queen or a star. No matter what I do, it’s nothing compared to Victoire. She’s the sun, and I’m just the pinprick of a laser. In school, at home, Victoire was number one. Hell, my first boyfriend used me to get to her.

But it was never like that with Teddy. He never saw me as Victoire’s cloned baby sister. He saw that I was clever and funny and lively. He saw that I was different from Victoire – maybe even better.

He was always like that. When I was little, Teddy would play with me while Victoire dazzled audiences with her singing, dancing and snippets of magic. And afterward, she’d come into the sitting room to find us playing.

“Weren’t you watching?� she’d ask, disappointed.

“I was playing with Dom,� Teddy would reply simply.

Color would rise in Victoire’s face; she’d get so angry. She just wasn’t the center of Teddy’s world and she couldn’t stand that. Of course, she’d take it out on me, but she never really blamed me. I wasn’t competition to her.

She must love this, I can’t help but think as Victoire stands on the altar, preparing to take her vows, all eyes on her.

I don’t think Teddy ever disliked Victoire. I just think he couldn’t get used to the way she acted. He’d never seen anything like her, beautiful and charming and endearing. He was intimidated, and that intimidation drove him to me.

I realized I was in love with Teddy when I was eight. That’s when Victoire mesmerized him. And that’s when I started to hate her. Well, I couldn’t really hate her, but I resented her. I envied her, more than anyone ever knew.

I am pretty. I look just like Victoire with blonde hair and blue eyes, but I’ve never been able to compete with her. I was always pretty, just never pretty enough. Before I knew it, Teddy was wrapped around Victoire’s finger and I was alone.

Subconsciously, my gaze falls on Teddy. He’s cleaned up nicely. He’s never been particularly handsome, but my heart still thuds against my ribcage.

This is it, Teddy. For so long, I figured that Teddy and Victoire would fall apart. They just fought so often and so hard. They broke up and reconciled so many times I can’t even remember. She’d be screaming at him, throwing his clothes on the street below their window, calling him terrible names, saying that it was really over. Then they’d be holding hands, whispering and laughing, crazily happy. They were like magnets.

And now they’ll be stuck together forever. They are going to be bound. After eight years of dating, they are leaving it all in the past. I always thought that they’d officially end and Victoire would find some calm boy who could balance her hotheadedness. As for Teddy, he’d realize that I am perfect for him. After all of Victoire’s crap, he’d see that my mellow, easy personality is what he needs. Victoire would bless our relationship and I’d have a ring on my left hand.

But storybook endings are what I write, not what I get.

Turns out, Victoire’s fire and passion inspires him. He loves that about her. I suppose I lack those things. I don’t really know; I couldn’t ask him that much.

I look at Victoire. She is wearing my mother’s wedding dress and looks exceptionally beautiful. And I can’t help but notice our similarities. We are often mistaken for twins; only my hair has always been at my shoulders, while Victoire’s is down her back.

And it makes me wonder, as I often do, if time is all Victoire has on me. If I were me, only born first, would Teddy love me instead? Or would he still have loved Victoire, for her charm and beauty, even if she were younger? I can’t help but believe that it would be me, that he would love me if not for ten months.

But I’ll never know, not really. Maybe he would have never loved me, no matter the circumstances or the situation. Maybe he was merely destined for Victoire. Still, that doesn’t solve my problem. It made me the extra, the girl who got hurt in the process of the great love.

They’re married now. Grinning and kissing. Merlin, they look happy. And I’m happy for her. I really am. I don’t hate her or wish her misery. I can’t. She’s my sister and we’re close. We are… just not close enough for me to tell her how I feel about Teddy. We’d never recover.

“By the way, I’ve been in love with your husband for my whole life…� wouldn’t really go over well.

I mean, I think she knew I liked him once upon a time, when I was young and every smile turned into a crush. Now, though? She has no idea. I’ve kept my love for Teddy in a box locked away. It’s where I store our conversations and moments, when he’d catch my eye when Victoire was being ridiculous or crash on my couch after Victoire kicked him out. We’re friends. I’ve known him forever.

I wonder if we still can be. Everything will be different. He’s no longer just a friend, no longer just a guy I’ve known forever. He’s my brother-in-law. He’s officially family. But now my loyalties have to lay with Victoire, since he’s no longer a friend. Can he be both?

I push these thoughts from my mind. I’ll worry about it all later. I just need a drink now. As Teddy and Victoire make their way down the aisle, everyone begins to clap and cheer. I manage to bring my hands together once. Twice.

I should have told Victoire, I decide. I should have spilled everything years ago. You couldn’t have; there was no way. I close my eyes, knowing the voice is right. I couldn’t have told her. I didn’t have the guts. Now, it’s too late.

Plus, we might have been ruined. Victoire might have chosen Teddy over me and then we’d both live with the secret. Or she might have broken up with him, something that didn’t entail us being together. If I were in that position, what would I have done? Love or family? Family. No one would have had him.

Maybe…

Why is it all so complicated?

The reception is outside my grandparents’ house. My parents’ held their reception here and that’s important to Victoire. I can hear my mother’s voice in my mind. I ‘ope the reception eez better zan mine! She loves that story, but I prefer my father’s account of it – more action, less detail. I wanted to hear about the Death Eaters; Victoire wanted to hear what color the tablecloths were.

Victoire and Teddy are dancing closely. I hate to admit it, but my eyes are glued to them. Does anyone notice?

“How about a dance from the prettiest girl in the room?�

“Many would agree that she just got married,� I say bitterly, swallowing the last gulp of my drink.

“You didn’t just get married.�

I smile grudgingly. “Old man’s a charmer, I see.�

My father grins at me. “That’s right. Now, close your mouth, stop staring at Teddy and come dance with me.�

Merlin! How obvious had I been? My mouth automatically snaps shut, and I am led onto the dance floor while my resistance is down.

“What is this spell Teddy Lupin has over my daughters? I don’t understand.�

Although I am very close to my father, I am embarrassed. Of course, Victoire has always had Daddy wrapped around her finger. Naturally, since she was his first child. But at the same time, I’ve always been wrapped around his. He understands me. I like to talk and ask questions, and he loves to answer them.

“I dunno what you’re talking about,� I finally say, as he spins me around.

Daddy clicks his tongue. “I know, Dom. And I also know you can’t hang on. It’ll tear you apart. You have to let him go. He’s her husband and she’s your sister.�

For an instant, anger flares inside of me. I know, I want to scream. I know it’s wrong! But I also know that it’s easy for my father to tell me to let go. He married the woman he loved. My mother didn’t slip through his fingers; she didn’t marry another man. He’s never felt what I’m feeling. He doesn’t understand that I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering. I’ll always feel as though fate gypped me. I’ll always feel that it was supposed to be me.

My father dips me. “I can’t,� I say upon my return, more calmly than I feel.

“What choice do you have? You’re a sister to him. You can’t carry the torch anymore.�

I stop dancing. I stop moving. I stand there, looking into my father’s apologetic eyes. And then I run. In heels and a tight dress, I run, out of the reception, toward the house, a haven.

I wonder if anyone noticed, other than Daddy, of course. I wonder if bewildered stares followed my exit. Probably not. All eyes were on Victoire, I think as I sit at the table of the abandoned kitchen.

My head drops into my awaiting palms and I breathe in and out. “Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale,� I whisper in conjunction with my breathing. It’s like a nightmare because, after all, my father is right. Teddy is now my brother, and that’s as good as dead in terms of romance. Whether he and Victoire break up or stay together, I can never be with him. He’ll forever be my sister’s husband or my sister’s ex-husband. I can never have him.

I can’t help but hope this agony is fleeting. Will I meet someone and forget about Teddy? Or is this it for me? Will I spend the next century thinking about him, yearning for stolen moments at family parties? Will I spend the rest of my life writing him as my male lead? The thoughts make me dread living.

“So I hear you’re a run-away Maid of Honor from some kick-ass wedding?� a voice cuts across my thoughts and, while my body stiffens, my mind relaxes. Teddy has that effect on me.

“Weird, since I hear you’re a groom. Looks like we’re two peas in a pod,� I answer, no idea where he is in the darkness. That is, until he sits down and smiles ruefully at me.

“Well, you can never trust a rumor.�

“My source is pretty legitimate.�

“In that case, why are you in here?� His eyes are a very light brown, hazel-esq, and very bright.

“I dunno. Why are you?�

“Saw you run off. Wanted to see what was up.�

I choose my words very carefully, unsure whether to lie or tell the truth. Lie, of course, I decide. “It’s been a long day. Needed a few to myself,� I say.

“That makes two of us.� He sits his chin on his knuckles. “I’m married.� His voice is dripping with disbelief.

“I know,� I reply, throat dry.

“I’m really happy. Merlin, who knew?� He laughs, grinning like mad. I can’t answer. Honestly, what can I say? We sit in silence for a few moments.

“You know, I read your book,� he finally says. “I know you asked me not to, but I caved a few months ago.�

I don’t know how to react to this news. I figured he had read it, but I never imagined he’d tell me. Teddy centers his relationships around trust, and he promised me that he wouldn’t read it. I never imagined he would tell me he broke his promise.

“Okay,� I eventually answer.

Teddy thinks for a few seconds. “It was you, Dom. And I loved it.� My heart begins to race. He must know. The boy in the story – orphaned and extraordinary – was Teddy.

Does this mean, in his own way, that he loves me? I think I already knew that, though.

“I wish I were older. I never thought ten months could mean so much,� I choke out, strangled by the walls of my constricting throat.

Teddy’s face softens. He’s always known; he’s always seen my affection. I should have recognized earlier. He puts his hands over mine.

“You are brilliant. You are worldly and intelligent and talented and beautiful. Always talking about your publisher and your writing. I don’t think a topic has ever been brought up that you didn’t have something to add to. You’ve either read about it or know someone who studies it. You’re amazing; I’ve always seen it. Maybe that’s it. You’re too amazing. Victoire fits just right. There’s no use dwelling on it, Dom. When do you leave for Paris?�

I’m still dazed as I answer. “Tomorrow morning.�

“Well then, if I don’t see you later, I’ll see you in a month.� He rises and swiftly kisses the top of my head. “Victoire is looking for me, I’m sure. Bye.�

He’s almost out of the room when he turns around. “Dom?� I look up. “I’ll miss you. And I wonder about those ten months sometimes, too.� Even though his eyes are red-rimmed, he’d flashes a grin. “Meet a nice guy in Paris for me.�

I don’t know it now, but I will. Teddy Lupin will always be a friend, but over time, he’ll stop being the love of my life. Instead, he’ll morph into my sister’s husband, my nieces’ father, my brother-in-law. I will always have a fondness, a tender spot, for him and I’ll always imagine, but that’s all it is. No longer longing and wanting, merely imagining.