Summary: In James and Lily’s seventh year, everything changes. A war has begun, N.E.W.T.s are approaching, and James is suddenly acting like a whole new person. Lily doesn't know what to think or feel anymore, but it may well be that the events of one moonlit night on the grounds, combined with a dash of Greek mythology, will settle her head and her heart once and for all.
Categories: James/Lily Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed: Yes
Word count: 5036
Read: 3846
Published: 01/31/09
Updated: 02/12/09
1. Artemis and Actaeon by Calico
Artemis and Actaeon by Calico
Author's Notes:
A thousand thanks to my three betas, Melissa, Azhure, and Sitara, for all they have contributed to this story. Melissa and Sitara - you gave me the encouragement I needed at the beginning and the end. Azhure - your criticism challenged me to make changes and additions that I desperately needed (even if it took me months to acknowledge it). Thank you! You are all incredible!
"Look at Actaeon's wretched fate
who by the man-eating hounds he had raised,
was torn apart, better at hunting
than Artemis he had boasted to be, in the meadows."
- Euripides’ Bacchae
“Watcha reading?”
“Buzz off, Potter.”
Lily wasn’t surprised when she felt her book slip from between her fingers; she hadn’t really expected James to listen to her, but the interruption was irritating nonetheless.
“This isn’t for any Hogwarts class.” James frowned, scrutinizing the cover page. “D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths. Never heard of it.”
“That’s because it’s Muggle-written,” said Lily, taking her book back and carefully marking the page she was on.
“What, have you gone through all the library books already?” James grinned and swept a hand through his already messy black hair. When is he going to grow up? Lily wondered as she stood to leave the common room and find a quieter reading environment.
“For your information, Potter, I’m reading about Greek myths because they’re interesting, and because I just got this book as an early birthday present from my dad.”
Lily was already halfway to the portrait hole when James asked, “What’s so great about myths? They’re just old stories. And they portray magic all wrong! Doesn’t that bother you?”
“Not really,” said Lily, turning to face James. “I grew up reading these stories, long before I knew about real magic. Besides, they’re not so impossible when you think about it. I mean, what if all these supposed ‘gods’ and ‘goddesses’ were just really powerful wizards and witches who decided to live up on a mountain and have a bit of fun with the ancient Muggles? It’s possible, don’t you think?”
Lily felt the heat rise in her face as she caught sight of James’ amused expression. What did I expect? Lily scolded herself, letting her hair fall in a red curtain as she spun around and made for the portrait hole. James doesn’t take anything seriously, let alone me.
As Lily climbed out into the corridor, she heard James shout, “Anything’s possible, Evans!”
“Anything besides you becoming something other than a self-absorbed, bullying bobblehead,” Lily muttered as the portrait hole shut behind her.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Lily, go to sleep!”
“I will, Mary.”
The sheets rustled, but the wandlight did not go out.
“Lily!”
Lily sighed and slipped her wand between the well-worn pages of her book of myths to hold her place. Only a year had passed since she had received it, yet the pages, bindings, and illustrations were all faded and yellowing from constant rereading.
A lot has changed since my last birthday, Lily reminded herself grimly. The war has begun, for one. But there had been other, less definable changes that Lily dared not think about in the minutes before sleep, for fear that they would appear in her dreams.
Lily slid her book into the trunk at the foot of the bed and closed her eyes, images of centaurs and satyrs still dancing behind her lids. She loved the way the myths brought back memories of life before Hogwarts, of nights when her father would read to her and Petunia before bed. Often enough his stories had been legends from all over the world (her father taught Classics and History at a Muggle university), though some he’d made up himself. Sometimes Lily nearly forgot the magic these stories possessed, but it all came back to her each time she held the book in her hands.
In her mind, Lily turned over the pages she had read that night. Zeus, Hades, Hera, Athena, Apollo, Artemis…
That was as far as she’d gotten before Mary had forced her to put out the light. The last legend she remembered was one about a man called Actaeon, who had bragged to the goddess Artemis that he was the better hunter. The pitiless goddess had laid a curse upon Actaeon, turning him into a stag and making his own hounds attack him. Lily had never been particularly fond of the story. All that for one boast? she thought, allowing sleep to lower her eyelids. It seems heartless. But I suppose when you’re a goddess no one’s going to tell you to get a grip.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“How can you possibly be awake already?” Mary grumbled, glaring at Lily, who was sitting fully dressed on her neatly made bed, reading and plaiting her hair at the same time.
“I’ve gotten used to running on five hours of sleep,” Lily replied, tying the end of her long red braid with a ribbon. “All the extra N.E.W.T. work the teachers are assigning has been taking me until two in the morning. I’m just glad they decided to give us a break.”
“You spend too much time on your homework, Lily,” Mary scoffed, ripping a brush hastily through her curls. “All right, I’m ready. Let’s get to breakfast before those bloody Marauders take all the bacon again.”
“Fat chance of that,” Lily said. “You know how much Black likes bacon.”
”If he’s eaten it all “”
“Come on,” said Lily, getting to her feet. “Maybe if we’re lucky there’ll still be a bit of sausage left.”
“I don’t like sausage,” Mary muttered.
Five minutes later Lily and Mary reached the Gryffindor table. As it turned out, all the bacon was gone, and Mary wasn’t the sort to look for proof before making an accusation.
“Oi!” Mary called down the table at four boys busily consuming a huge amount of food. “You’ve hogged the bacon, you have!”
Sirius looked up from his pork-laden plate, grinning. “You snooze, you lose, ladies. Best try again tomorrow.”
“Aw, give ‘em some bacon, Padfoot,” interrupted James, nudging Sirius’ shoulder.
“Why should I?” argued Sirius, pouting innocently. “I like bacon just as much as Macdonald over there, and I got up earlier.”
“Couldn’t you at least try to act like a gentleman for once?” James asked.
“No, I couldn’t. And neither could you, Prongs. Honestly, what’s with you lately?” All the laughter was gone from his face now. “You’re no fun anymore.” James picked at the remains of his breakfast and said nothing.
“Ah, well… best be leaving for Herbology,” interjected Remus quietly. “We probably shouldn’t be late again.”
“It’ll be the third time this week if we are,” put in Peter, already getting to his feet and glancing nervously between Sirius and James. “I don’t fancy any more detentions, myself.”
“Traitors to the title of Mauraders, you lot are,” Sirius growled, sweeping his mates with a glare before standing up and stalking away. Only after he had left the Great Hall did James look up to stare after his friend, more somber than Lily ever remembered seeing him before.
“Sorry about Sirius,” Remus said to Mary, shouldering his bag. “I’d like to say he won’t do it again, but…it’s Sirius.”
Mary nodded stiffly; even she couldn’t argue with that. “Whatever, Lupin. But he’d better steer clear of the bacon tomorrow. I’m not bad at Potions, and poisons are my specialty.”
“I’ll let him know.” Remus smiled wryly at the two girls, then turned to follow Peter as he walked towards the doors to the grounds. James alone remained.
“Er, I guess I’ll see you on patrol tonight, then, Potter,” Lily ventured, breaking the awkward silence. “We’re meeting in the common room, right?”
Last year, Lily would have expected the mere sound of her voice to brighten James’s day. But it seemed to have no effect on his melancholy mood at all. “Right, see you then,” he grunted over his shoulder as he tramped out of the Great Hall, not bothering to look back. He really has changed, Lily thought. Not that it makes any difference, she added hurriedly to herself.
As a matter of fact, she was afraid it did make a difference. The thing was, she’d become somewhat used to James’ constant attention. As much as she hated to admit it, it felt nice to be admired so publicly by such a school-renowned stud, even if she did find said stud mildly revolting. It was not until this year, when James’ ocean of admiration had dried up, that Lily discovered how much she missed it.
At least patrolling isn’t awkward, Lily told herself. It would have been awful if he’d asked me out every time we did our Head duties together. But she couldn’t help wishing that he would asked her, just once, for old time’s sake. What did I do to make him stop liking me? Did he suddenly realize I’m dead boring? Or that my bottom teeth are a bit crooked? Maybe he likes some other girl now.
Lily rubbed at her eyes, banishing her thoughts. Why should I be bothered by whether James Potter likes me or not? I’ve never cared a Knut about his opinion before, and I will certainly not start now! Fully resolved to go back to hating James, Lily tuned into Mary’s rant in time to catch the end.
“…such an enormously inflated head he’s got! And did you see the way he munched that last strip of bacon, real slow and gloating-like? The nerve of that Sirius Black! I wonder how many detentions I’d get if I slipped him a bit of the Drought of Living Death…”
Mary concluded on this thoughtful note before helping herself to tea, muttering disjointed words like “belladonna” and “shrivelfig” between bites of toast. Lily picked at her scrambled eggs and sighed. She found that, in the process of trying not to think about James, she was thinking about him entirely too much.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
As seventh year wore on, Lily forced herself to concentrate on practice for her N.E.W.T.s and avoided James Potter as much as possible. This was somewhat difficult, as the Head Boy and Girl had to do patrols together twice a week, which was the perfect time for Lily to observe exactly how much the Master Marauder had matured “ and just how far he had drifted from her. They often talked about very ordinary topics like their lessons, their favorite Quidditch teams, and even occasionally the war. James never mentioned dating, except once when he asked whether Lily was going on the first Hogsmeade trip with anybody. She had half expected him to ask her out then, but he had abruptly turned the conversation in another direction. It was as though he had carefully constructed a wall around himself, a wall that James would not, and Lily could not, breach.
“He’s still the same James, though,” Lily admitted to Mary as they played a solitary game of chess one wintry afternoon. “But without most of the silliness. I see him hanging around with his friends, but he doesn’t do stupid things like he used to, like stealing Snitches and all that. And have you noticed that the Marauders haven’t pulled any pranks this year? I never thought I’d say it, but James Potter is actually becoming “”
“Responsible?” Mary finished with a smirk. “Charming? Worthy of your love?”
“I was going to say, ‘not a total git.’”
Mary heaved an exasperated sigh as she moved her bishop towards one of Lily’s pawns. “Oh come on, Lily, face it, he’s not the little boy he used to be. James Potter has grown up “ and you like it. Don’t give me that look,” she added, because Lily was glaring rather fiercely from across the board. “You know you fancy him.”
“I do not! I don’t loathe him quite as much as I used to,” Lily conceded primly, prodding her knight forward carelessly. “But really, I just don’t know what to think of him anymore. He’s like an entirely different person “ when he’s around me, at least. I just wish he’d be who he really is.”
“What are you saying? That you want him to go back to being an annoying prat?”
Lily shook her head. “I don’t know what I’m saying, Mary. Last year I would have given a thousand galleons to get James Potter to grow up. Now I’m not so sure I like this any better.”
“Well, you’d better figure out how you feel soon. You do realize we’ve only got a half a year left at Hogwarts, don’t you? James isn’t going to be just across the common room for much longer, Lily, so take advantage of the situation while you can.” As Lily mulled over this advice, Mary scrutinized the board, until, with a shriek, she found the move she needed.
“Checkmate!” Mary shouted, spilling the pieces all over the floor. “I’ve won, Lily! For once, I’ve beaten you!”
“Yes. Good job,” said Lily, staring at the fallen chessmen and wondering what exactly she ought to be feeling.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Hey Snape, lose something? Besides your lunch, I mean.”
Lily looked up from her book, her eyes already narrowing as she scanned the nearly empty library, searching for the source of the taunt.
It had better not be Black, Lily thought, slipping her wand from her pocket. I don’t think I can be held responsible for my actions if it is. Peering cautiously from behind a shelf, Lily saw a pair of burly Ravenclaws hitting Snape repeatedly with vomiting jinxes; to her horror, Lily realized that they were using his own wand to inflict their torment. Before she could take a step toward them, however, an unexpected voice issued from behind the opposite bookshelf.
“Leave him alone.”
The Ravenclaw holding Snape’s wand looked pale enough to be sick himself as James Potter strode forward, his wand at the ready and his eyes bright with anger.
“Twenty points from Ravenclaw,” said James, his tone dangerously quiet. “And I’ll be talking to Professor Flitwick about this, believe me. Now give the wand back and get out of my sight.”
The boys were gone before Snape’s wand hit the floor.
His expression unreadable, James proffered a hand to the boy on the floor. Snape wiped his mouth on the back of his robes, gave James a cold glare, retrieved his wand, and stalked out of the library without a backward glance.
“So much for second chances,” Lily heard James mutter to himself as he vanished the pools of sick. “Then again, who’d have ever thought I’d help Snivellus?” With a sigh, he too exited the library. Lily watched him go with a feeling midway between relief and inexplicable regret.
Things certainly were changing.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
One evening not long before the Christmas holidays, Lily sat in the loud, crowded common room, bent over a half-finished essay. Try as she might, the right words would not come. Then, as she put quill to parchment, the tip broke, and along with it went her peace of mind.
“Mary, I’m going for a walk,” she called over her shoulder.
“But it’s past curfew!” Mary cried. “You can’t just leave!”
“Do you really think anyone is going to challenge the Head Girl if she’s out after curfew?” Lily countered, crumpling up her botched essay and throwing it into the fireplace.
Lily grabbed her cloak from the back of her chair and climbed through the portrait hole into the dim corridor. She felt a bit bad about abusing her position, but her head was too full to focus on her homework that night. What she desperately needed was a walk in the cool night air, and the sight of the full moon above her head “ that had always helped before. There was something about the tranquil permanence of the night sky, the way it rotated through the seasons, but always returned the same way, year after year, that made her feel calm and unafraid.
Out on the grounds the moonlight reflected off every leaf and grass blade, so that the world looked silver-dipped and dreamlike. The sight put Lily in mind of Artemis, goddess of woodlands, hunting, and the moon, and of the myths she had read about her. Lily hadn’t gotten the chance to peruse her mythology for weeks, but the stories sprang to mind as though she had read them only yesterday.
Lily was still stuck upon the idea of a person actually being cruel enough to set a man’s own dogs upon him when something odd caught her eye. Unknowingly she had come close to the border of the forest; the trees swayed darkly not twenty paces away. Lily stopped walking, sure she had seen something move in the shadows, a figure of some kind…something with long, branching horns.
Don’t panic, she told herself firmly, twirling her wand in her fingers. I’m a seventh-year, and I’m Head Girl. I can deal with anything that comes out of this forest. Anything at all.
“Lily?”
Lily spun around. There, walking towards her along the edge of the trees, was James Potter, looking a bit nervous about something. Immediately Lily stood up a bit straighter and subtly attempted to neaten her wind-tousled hair, before reprimanding herself. It’s just James. Why should I care? I don’t care!
“What’re you doing out so late?” James asked, glancing back over his shoulder as though expecting to see someone there.
“Just walking,” Lily replied. She too looked at the trees behind James, but could see nothing alarming. “I couldn’t concentrate on my Transfiguration essay.”
“You can copy mine, if you’d like.”
Lily bristled. “I don’t need that sort of help, Potter,” she said crisply.
“What sort?” James looked genuinely confused.
“The cheating sort. Copying is cheating.”
“I didn’t know it was cheating,” James said, frowning. “Remus has let us copy off him for years.”
Lily raised an eyebrow, then wondered if she was being too mean. “Yes, well, I always said you’d have a bad influence on him.”
“You’d be surprised how bad an influence he’s had on us, actually.” James smiled faintly before adding, “What do you say I escort you back to the castle, then?”
Lily was not fooled by the sudden change of subject.
“Why?”
James did his best to look nonchalant, but the preoccupation did not leave his face. “It’s just late, isn’t it? I mean, you’ve got classes tomorrow.”
“So do you,” Lily shot back, feeling defiant. “Besides, I’m not tired, and I like walking.”
“Suit yourself,” James said, looking very anxious now.
What is going on? Lily wondered, staring around into the darkness.
A black shape like a small bear padded on silent feet out of the forest gloom. Lily raised her wand at it, a hex on the tip of her tongue, but James held out a hand to stop her.
“He’s a friend of mine,” James said, kneeling down to pat the bearlike dog’s head. The dog put his snout into James’ hand, looking straight into his eyes. Then he gave Lily a single glance, growled low in his throat, and raced back into the forest.
“What was that about?” Lily asked, suspicious now, but James didn’t seem to be listening. Another howl rang out across the moonlit grasses, sounding closer this time.
“Look, it isn’t safe out here,” James began again, and this time there was a definite note of urgency in his voice. “Please, let’s both go and “”
“I’ve told you, Potter, I don’t need help,” Lily said firmly, though the howls were sending shivers up her spine.
“What if something comes out of the forest?” James demanded, his face full of apprehension.
“I know plenty of spells to deal with it,” Lily declared.
“But I’m better at Defense than you. And Transfiguration, for that matter. Come on, Lily, we have to…”
James broke off when he caught sight of Lily’s face. He looked more scared than ever now, but this time it was Lily herself who was frightening him.
“I’m better than you at Potions! And Charms!” Lily cried, brandishing her wand. “I can protect myself just fine! So don’t go bragging to me about your ‘superior skills,’ Potter!”
“I wasn’t…of course you…” James stammered, backing away from Lily’s spark-spewing wand. “I didn’t mean…it’s just that, you have to admit, I am better at the more useful forms of magical defense...”
This was not the right thing to say. Lily couldn’t hold back her anger any longer. How dare he?
“Look, Lily, I’m taking you back up to the castle “”
Who does he think he is, bossing me around like that?
““ something bad is going to happen “”
He’s the same arrogant, prideful prat he’s always been!
““ and I really don’t want you to get hurt.”
James Potter hasn’t changed at all!
Suddenly, Lily felt a firm hand on her upper arm, yanking her none too gently towards the castle entrance. A hot, furious rage exploded within her. Warnings and threats were one thing; physically controlling her was another entirely.
“Let go of me, Potter!”
“I will not! I hate to break it to you, but there are some things going on here that you just don’t understand! Now come on! Move!”
But Lily would not move. Thick purple smoke and livid orange sparks were now emanating from the end of her wand. She could barely see James through the haze, even though he was right in front of her.
“Lily!”
“No! You don’t own me, James Potter! I will not be controlled!”
“Lily, please!”
“NO!”
Through her blazing anger, Lily felt James’ grip on her forearm loosen.
“Get out of here, Potter! Get out of here and leave me alone!”
I hate him! Lily thought, squeezing her eyes shut to stem her tears. I hate that damned James Potter, and I curse him in the name of all the gods!
Very, very slowly, Lily’s sobs abated, and the smoke began to thin. When the last of it had vanished, she looked all around her, hardly knowing what to expect. It took her a few moments to process that James was nowhere in sight.
Lily stood shivering for a few moments, staring at the place where James had been. A minute passed, then another, and another; the tears froze on Lily’s cheeks. When her heart had returned to its normal rhythm, she sighed a long, tremulous sigh.
I can’t believe I lost my temper like that. How stupid I must have sounded, telling James not to control me when I couldn’t even control myself…
And then, suddenly, the night’s peace shattered.
A savage howl rent the air apart behind Lily, and she turned to see a massive shadow streak out of the trees straight for her. Before she could even think of moving, something with shining antlers galloped into its path and pushed the loping shadow away. Lily’s legs felt rooted to the ground; she could only watch, horrified, as yet another shadow leapt from the darkness, fangs gleaming in the moonlight. The night echoed with fierce snarls and cries as the three figures became a struggling mass. Lily could see enough to note that two of the shadows were doglike creatures, and the other a stag, before she turned and sprinted for the safety of the castle.
Impossible. It’s impossible. I couldn’t have…
But Lily was pretty sure that she had.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The clock on the wall was chiming midnight when Lily returned to the common room. Exhausted by fear, Lily collapsed into an armchair in front of the dying fire and stared at the embers. I did something tonight, something I didn’t mean to do…but all the same, if that really was James, and he really was attacked…and if it was my fault…
As Lily drifted into tortured dreams, she formed one last, miserable thought.
Maybe Artemis didn’t mean to be so cruel…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The sky seemed too bright for night; the moon had swelled until it dominated the sky. Lily was dressed in a pure white gown fastened with silver and moonstones, and though she held no wand she could feel power surging through her. She stared around at the white darkness, waiting. And then he came. Actaeon. Or was it James?
But it did not matter. He kissed her, slowly, softly, the way she’d always imagined it “ and all was perfect in the moonlight.
Then he was gone. Before her stood a stag, its antlers silver, its liquid eyes too intelligent for a beast. And Lily watched, knowing what came next, but not knowing how to stop it.
The very earth screamed as two hounds broke out of the forest, baying for blood. The stag (or was it James?) looked once more at Lily, and it seemed that something passed between them, some message, only Lily could not understand it. And then she was alone, listening to the screams of the animals as they fought…as the dogs ripped the stag to pieces…
And James, Actaeon, the man she loved, lay before her, human and defeated. His eyes were lifeless, his body splayed. And Lily wept, power gone, as the moon grew larger and larger, the night brighter and brighter…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
“Lily, what are you doing down here?”
That voice…it couldn’t be…but it was…
Lily rubbed her eyes and sat up. Her muscles felt knotted from spending the night in a chair, but she jumped to her feet when she saw who was standing over her.
“James.”
And then she was hugging him fiercely, delirious with relief, babbling out her dream and her fears, unable to stop, all the while holding fast to James, because if he disappeared she didn’t know what she would do…
James steered them both to the couch, listening intently to Lily’s words. Instinctively, Lily pressed herself closer to James than she had ever dared before, enjoying the warmth of his leg against hers, and blissfully aware of her enjoyment.
“Wait, Lily, hold on. You thought you turned me into a stag and had some dogs attack me.”
“Yes.”
“You thought you had killed me.”
“Yes.”
“Just like Artemis did to Actaeon in your book.”
“Yes.”
“You are absolutely insane, Lily Evans.”
Lily didn’t respond. This is the James I remember, the annoying, joking, happy James who makes fun of me. Merlin, I missed this.
“Where’ve you been this year, James?”
James gave her a puzzled look. “What do you mean? I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“You weren’t the same. You were so…polite to me. It was like you were hiding your real self.”
“I didn’t mean for it to be that way,” said James. “I meant to actually change, you know. To be a better person. I knew it was time for me to grow up, so that’s what I tried to do. But I guess I’m just always going to be a “ how did you put it last year? “ a self-absorbed, bullying bobblehead.”
“How did you hear me say that? I was halfway down the corridor!”
“A Marauder has his ways.”
Lily grinned. "You know, James, you've changed more than you realize. I saw what you did for Snape."
James' eyes widened. "But I didn't see you anywhere in the library that day! You couldn't possibly have..."
"A girl has her ways," Lily teased. "I promise I won't tell anyone, if you'd prefer."
"I do, as a matter of fact. Sirius would never let me live it down if he found out."
They sat in silence for a minute or so, each lost in their own thoughts. When Lily finally worked up the courage to turn and look at James, he was smiling and shaking his head.
“What?”
James chuckled. “You honestly thought it was you who…that you could have…Oh, Lily, you really think you’re powerful enough to cast a goddess’ curse by accident? And they say I’m full of myself.”
“I lost control of my magic,” Lily said, feeling embarrassment for the first time. Awkwardly, she pulled away from James and stared at her feet, beginning to wish she hadn’t told him quite so much.
James’ smile faded. He took Lily’s hand. With soft fingers, he turned her face towards his.
“Listen to me. What you saw “ well, it wasn’t completely wrong. But it has nothing to do with Greek myths, okay? Or even uncontrolled magic. And I’m fine.”
Lily raised her eyebrows. “You call being covered in cuts ‘fine’? Where did those come from, by the way?”
James looked as though he would have liked to tell a long story, but found that he was too tired to do it justice. “I’ll explain everything someday, but for now you’ll just have to trust that you aren’t Artemis.” Some of the amusement had begun to return to James’ voice now. “Actually, I don’t know why you were so upset at the idea of me being attacked. Usually you’d be pretty pleased to think I’d got myself killed.”
“No I wouldn’t!” Lily exclaimed, with more zeal than she had intended. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, blushing. James was staring at her, and she couldn’t meet his eyes. “I like you much better alive, actually.”
“Well that’s good to hear.”
And then, before she fully understood what had happened, he was kissing her. It was like her dream, except that it was infinitely better.
“Hey Lily,” James whispered. “Will you go out with me?”
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed that question.”
James looked a little surprised. “And is there an answer?”
“Yes. Here it is.”
And Lily kissed him again.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.