A young woman is stumbling down the aisle as though she is drugged. Her face is covered by a white veil, and her body is draped by an ostentatious gown of the same colour.

The pews are filled with spectators. Their applause is precise and harmonious. Above all, it is satisfied.

A man in black robes waits for the bride. He looks ancient. He looks cold. He looks complacent. When she reaches him, he takes out a wand and cast a circle of light around them.

The bride looks at the circle, bewildered; the spectators urge her on. The groom lifts the veil to reveal her face – she is very young, very uncertain. He leans in to kiss her; that is when she starts pulling away. But thin iron grills have shot up around the circumference of the circle of light, and she cannot escape.

I scream until I wake up.


***


It all started with a dream. No, a nightmare of my innermost fears. A representation, a reminder, a catalyst. Something that nagged and prodded me until I had to accept the truth: yes, an undesirable future was cut out for me.

There were times when I wondered if I weren’t taking it too seriously. Perhaps, I might be let off? Perhaps I would actually fall in love with whoever my parents chose? Perhaps I would be given the permission to have a say? Perhaps things weren’t that bad?

However, I’d grown up to be something covetable; I’d grown into a stereotype. It wasn’t long before the benefit of doubt had been extinguished: I was a Black female – beautiful, rich, proud, pure-blooded. An embodiment of excellent breed. Something to be appraised – something to be possessed.

The realisation was nauseating, and I revolted in my own way. A refusal to dance; a missed Christmas. And yet I knew it wasn’t enough. It’d never be enough. I couldn’t slip away forever.

But where was the alternative? What was the alternative?

You have the option to choose only when there is an alternative, and I was too insulated to even try looking for one. And then, he came into my life.

Ted was the other side of the coin; he was what I could fight for. He was a missing ingredient, a definite answer, and, suddenly, the future didn’t seem so bleak. He never watched me through tinted glasses; he never cared if I had a hair out of place. He understood me before I had become clear to myself. He had no idea where he wanted me to fit in, but he loved me and asked for nothing more.

And isn’t that why I am running away with him tonight?

The Christmas decorations are ready; the guests have arrived. Arnold Travers, in spite of my many rejections – both barefaced and sugar-coated – is here, looking like a prince come to claim his damsel. He will return home empty-handed and red-faced. Bella and her husband are leading the conversation with the Travers and my parents. The Malfoys are listening to Cissy playing the piano.

I can’t help but tremble a little. Nothing can go wrong; neither Ted nor I can afford it.

They found out about him a few weeks before my graduation. Lucius Malfoy saw Ted and me kissing in the corridors and decided to tell Bella instead of Cissy. How sweet of him.

Bella was furious when she found out, and she lost no time informing my parents. They came to visit me at school, and there were threats. I had to promise not to meet him again, and…I’ve never kept a promise to them, to be honest, so the point was moot.

My family gave me no ultimatum; there was no “us or him�. Yet I chose him. I’m very much aware this could get him killed, and I’ve thought a lot about it. There’s only one conclusion I reach every time: I will probably die if I’m not with him.

Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes till he comes here.

“Meda?�

I jump in surprise. It’s Bella.

“Bella.�

“What are you looking at? It’s dark outside,� she says, taking my arm and leading me away from the window gently. “Poor Arnold is sitting there with no one to talk to.�

“You were entertaining him a few seconds ago,� I tell her irritably.

“Yes, but it is not me who he has to marry,� she replies. Her tone is dismissive. “Mother says you have planned a surprise guest for us?�

I can’t help but blush a little. She raises her eyebrows.

“Yes,� I reply quickly. “He’s a famous wizard from Romania. He performs tricks.�

“I see,� she says. I can guess she’s not convinced. “Make sure you let me see this person before you show him to the guests. We don’t want to appear like fools in front of prospective relations.�

I nod at her curtly, and she leaves me.

The surprise guest is Ted. He will, of course, come disguised “the Muggle way�. I’m not sure what he’ll do, but no magical disguise could work in our house; we have anti-trespassing charms of every kind cast around the place. I just need him to get as far as our hallway, the only part of the estate without an Anti-Disapparition Jinx. As soon as he gets there, I’ll be leaving with him by Side-Along Apparition, and we’ll be off to a Muggle town in Scotland.

It took me a lot of effort to wheedle Father’s permission to allow me to give the password to the “guest�, but I’m perfectly sure they don’t think it’s Ted. I haven’t been fool enough to fight with them over him.

“Andromeda.�

This time, it’s Travers.

“Arnold.�

“Would you like to – �

“Oh, Arnold,� I cut him off with a regretful smile, “I’ve to dash off to my room for a while. Could you give me a few minutes?�

He tries, and fails, to suppress the expression of anger in his face. “Certainly,� he says.

I walk out of the room, feeling Bella’s narrowed eyes following me. It isn’t until I close the door of my bedroom that I breathe properly.

Quickly, I go to my dresser and take out a mirror, Uncle Alphard’s Christmas gift from last year. “Ted?� I whisper into it urgently.

There is no reply.

“Ted?� I say again, a little louder.

“Dromeda!� cries a voice from the mirror, and Ted’s face comes into view. “I’m all set.�

“You just have twenty minutes left,� I tell him impatiently. “Is everything ready? Where’s your disguise?�

“Don’t fret, love,� he says with a grin. It amazes me how coolly he’s taking things. “I’ll Apparate right outside your gates on time.�

“All right then,� I reply. “I need to go now.�

He winks at me and disappears.

I take out my wand and shrink the mirror so that I can put it inside the pocket of my robes. Ted has the other one. If it hadn’t been for these magical mirrors, we’d have lost contact. I hope he remembers to bring his along with him.

Stowing my wand inside my robes, I come out of the room. Bella is waiting for me outside.

“Don’t ignore Travers,� she warns me.

“I won’t,� I assure her. “I just went to fix my make-up.�

“Good. Now, follow me.�

I wonder if Bella suspects more than she’s letting on. If she does, she’s hiding it well. We don’t speak on our way back to the drawing room.

“Arnold,� I call. “How about a dance, then?�

He smiles widely. I respond in kind. This is the last time he’s dancing with me.

Cissy notices us and starts a waltz.

“Is it true, what I hear?� asks Travers.

“What?�

“That you were kissing a Mudblood back at school?�

I can’t believe his nerve.

“Yes,� I tell him. “I wanted to see what it was like.�

His hold on my waist becomes firmer. He seems to be drawing me closer.

“It’s dangerous,� he whispers. “Not to mention revolting.�

I have an intense desire to curse him.

“I don’t know,� he continues, taking advantage of my silence, “how a lady of noble stature such as yourself would even consider going near a Mudblood. I take it he forced himself upon you? In which case, I must do something about him.�

“I can take care of myself, Arnold,� I reply with some heat, looking him straight in the eye. “And I assure you, if any man tried to force himself upon me, he’ll get more than a hex in return.�

His smile falters a little. “I wouldn’t dare commit such an error on Bellatrix Lestrange’s sister.�

“I didn’t say you’d get a chance to,� I reply, stepping hard on his foot.

He immediately lets go of me, cursing under his breath.

“Thank you for the dance, Arnold.�

It’s never been in my nature to let a boy get away with anything, not even Ted. Even as I prepare to elope with him, I am strongly reminded of how long the process had been for the two of us to arrive at this night.


****************************************************


I am trying not to look at him as he leans forward for a pair of gloves. I am trying not to acknowledge his presence. I am trying not to notice that his fingers linger upon the yellow rubber and labour to provoke a response for me, labour to make me say, “Move it, Tonks!� It would make him laugh; it would make him happy to know he got to me.

Ted Tonks.

Hufflepuff. Muggle-born. He often somehow ends up partnering anyone who sits next to me. It never bothered me before, but ever since I laughed at one of his jokes, he’s become overtly friendly.

It wasn’t even funny, his joke – something about a hag, a troll, and a leprechaun who all go to a bar. It was lousy, to be honest. But the way he told it – that was the thing that got me. He did it with so much flair, effortlessly gesticulating and mimicking, that I burst out laughing and promptly lost five points from Slytherin.

The unexpected breach in my composure must have delighted him, for he jumped into a mission to break the formidable wall that keeps the likes of him distant from me. Amusement turned to irritation; irritation turned to resignation; resignation mutated into nervousness that he might just succeed at whatever he was striving for. The interactions between us had come to assume a clockwork nature – he would tease, I would react. And, if I reacted, he’d persevere harder until I had to give him a grudging smile or a well-meant threat.

So, now, I find myself with my lips pursed, trying not to see how he glances at me every now and then.


***


I nearly kissed Tonks today.

I nearly, very nearly kissed him.

He was pestering me again, calling me ‘Dromeda’ when I’d expressly told him not to. Then, he launched into a desperate theory on how I am supposedly different from my friends in Slytherin. (He has been feeding me that particular one for some time.) I lost my temper and got my wand out on him, yet he wouldn’t budge because Prefects aren’t supposed to hex students, are we? Oh, but I knew better! I leaned towards him, acting as though I was about to snog him while I searched for his wand so that I could hex him with it. I succeeded at my attempt, too. When I left him, his face had burst into boils.

However, the thing that troubles me is this: for a moment, I was about to kiss him for real. Our lips almost touched when my hands were running down his sides in search of the wand. His hands had gently closed around my waist. That moment…

I always knew Tonks liked me, but there was something so tender about the way he reacted. At first, he stood there transfixed, as though he had been Stunned. Granted that it’d be shocking if someone who told you she hated you suddenly tried to kiss you; still, I have snogged at least two boys, and both of them turned out to have far too eager hands (not that they didn’t pay for it). Why did Ted wait for me?

And why did I feel like going further? He was there and I felt an overwhelming desire to brush my lips against his.

How could I have thought that?

What have I done? Merlin, I cannot allow myself to be seen doing that. To be even pretending I was going to snog Tonks…what if someone had happened by? What if Bella had come there?

I think I’d have needed more saving than Tonks.


***


Was it the horn of a toad? Or was it the head of a horned toad? Damn Professor Slughorn for erasing the instructions!

Damn Tonks for working on the next table.

I see he has been completely cured of the boils I inflicted on him before Christmas. He hasn’t tried to talk to me as yet. Good.

He won’t stop looking at me, though.

His gaze is absent-minded. It’s almost like he doesn’t know he’s looking at me, yet he is.

I hope he has stopped liking me, because I could live without the trouble, to be frank. This is Bella’s last year, and I want the remainder of the term to pass without her breathing down my neck. If Harold the half-blood Ravenclaw was bad for her (and he’s rich), then Tonks the Muggle-born Hufflepuff would be blasphemy. I have no clue as to what sort of social standing he has, but Bella would sniff out his family’s income sooner than she can say “Salazar�, and I don’t want a lecture on that.


***


I had that nightmare again this morning – the one where I see myself as a bride and the groom is an old and cruel-looking man.

This is not a good sign, as I’m on the train to London. I’m going home, and dreaming about marriage isn’t a good thing. Bella is excited for hers, which will happen soon; right now, she’s telling me and Cissy about which church, which tailor and which jewellery.

I must keep Cissy away from them all during the holiday; she’s only fourteen, and I’m scared that their sermonizing about marrying young and producing pure-blood offspring will influence her.

If I had my way, I wouldn’t marry at all. I cannot imagine myself being tied to one man forever and making it my job to have his babies. Worse than that is the prospect of the matches my family might come up with. Rodolphus Lestrange gives me the creeps. He looks polite and polished, yet there’s so much latent hatred in him when they start going on about blood status and Muggle-borns, or Mudbloods. I’m lucky Rabastan is a few years behind me.

Ted Tonks just passed our compartment. Our eyes met, and mine are fixed on the glass window even after he’s gone.

“Meda,� says a soft, cold voice.

Bella, of course, would always remind me to get back to the reality our family shaped for us.


***


Interesting.

Lucius Malfoy just moved towards Cissy. That young berk! She’s too young, and he’s too young, but Bella seems happy.

I am so tired of everything, and I am too young to be tired.

Arnold Travers was the first to approach me tonight for a dance. Then came Pius Thicknesse, who was soon followed by Aloysius Selwyn. Of the three of them, Pius was the only one who appeared fairly decent, but he’s a little too stiff for me.

Look at me! Am I falling into their trap? I don’t want to marry, not like this.

Why won’t my parents understand that I don’t enjoy these social functions? How can I enjoy it when these soirees are prepared so they can do some match-making? Don’t they know it is so obvious, so obvious?

Arnold is making towards me again. I must leave.

“Andromeda,� calls my mother, making me stop just as I reach the door.

I turn back to see her staring imperiously at me. “Come, dance with Arnold.�


***


Ted Tonks has gone mad.

He asked me if I’d like to go to Hogsmeade with him. He has gone insane.

After that last episode, I thought I’d successfully pushed him away from me, but no. As soon as Pringles put up the notice for the next Hogsmeade visit, he made straight for me and asked me out. I was so utterly stunned; he had the gall to do that when I was with my pack of Slytherin friends. So, I just said, “Are you out of your mind, Tonks? You’re a Hufflepuff!�

To which he gave a quick grin and a solemn nod, and said, “A Hufflepuff you tried to kiss last Christmas.�

I could have happily murdered him with the Killing Curse then and there if I hadn’t momentarily lost the power of speech and the ability to move my limbs.


***


I can’t believe this. I really can’t believe this.

I told them I don’t want this to happen now. I am their daughter, Merlin, not their servant who they can order about as they please. I don’t want to marry Arnold Travers; I don’t even want to think about it, so why do we have to spend Christmas with his family?

How can they even choose Travers? He’s just nineteen, and he all he talks about is Lord Voldemort and how Mudbloods don’t belong with us and they should be stripped of their magic! How is that even possible?

What kind of lover would he make? Would he be able to make me laugh? Would he able to make me feel better when I’m not well? Would he be able to treat me as an equal? All he knows is how to look down his nose and spew hatred and spread Galleons around. And my parents and Bella and Rodolphus and all of them support that – they think that those are the yardsticks by which I must choose the man with whom I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life. I couldn’t do that.

I shall write to them; I shall. This Christmas at home, it’s either me or Arnold Travers.


***


“Meda, please come,� says Cissy. She is afraid now, because she knows I’m not going.

“I can’t, Cissy,� I tell her. “I just can’t spend Christmas with the Travers.�

The expression on her face oscillates between sympathy and disapproval.

“You can just sit through it,� she says, repeating the line for the umpteenth time, “and you can always choose someone else. Mother and Father listen to what we say.�

“I’m afraid they’ll always be the same, Cissy,� I reply on cue. “Whoever comes to Black Mansion asking to marry one of us will always be the same.�

“Lucius is different,� she counters sullenly. “He genuinely likes me.�

“I’m sure he does,� I reply with a smile, not letting her see the regret that is building inside of me. I have lost Cissy. She’s fifteen and headed for an early marriage with a rich, pure-blood brat. “You’re lucky.�

She bites her lip, but with a shake of her head, gets on the train without further complaint. “I’ll miss you.�

“I’ll miss you too,� I tell her; I’m serious. “Remember, when they scold you for letting me miss the train, tell them I hexed you.�

She laughs in spite of the fear which I know is tugging at her. “Which hex shall I say it was?�

I’m about to answer, but I spot Lucius Malfoy heading our way. I give Cissy one last, hopeless smile and leave the place without further ado.


***


I can’t help it. I’m going to cry, even though there’s no reason to.

Cissy is the only thing I’m going to miss about home. That, and maybe my nine-year old cousin, Sirius, who always makes me laugh. I feel bad about leaving him to Bella’s care during their stay at our place; they have never actually liked each other, even though Bella is nearly ten years older than him and should be above taking a child as a rival.

I can’t cry, of course. I need to walk with my head held high so that the students making their way towards the train don’t think something’s askance; I need to prevent raising suspicions about the Black family; I need to preserve my honour.

I am relieved as soon as I get into a carriage and find myself alone. Then, I can let the tears fall until I reach school.

Before I step down from the carriage, I cast a Refreshing Charm on myself. I can see some people still haven’t left. Andrew Burbank of Hufflepuff and Kate Jordan of Gryffindor are hovering near the gates; I didn’t know they were dating.

Where’s Ted Tonks?

The pair whispers about me as I pass them. I honestly couldn’t care less.

Someone is running down the ground at breakneck speed. He slows down as we get nearer and my earlier question is answered. Ted Tonks is late, as usual. I feel an overwhelming urge to giggle.

“Hello!� he wishes me brightly. Nothing beats his optimism.

“Hey…Ted.�

“Dromeda, Dromeda, Dromeda,� he begins, but the name doesn’t annoy me much at the moment. “You forgot something?�

“No, I – I came back,� I reply hesitantly, and then I inwardly curse myself for faltering. “I’m not going home,� I tell him in a firmer voice.

“What?� he cries in surprise. “Why?�

“I’ve decided to stay back,� I reply with a shrug, as though I am not bothered in the slightest. “I’ll spend my Christmas here.�

His expression turns serious and his eyes searches mine for a moment. I blink to stop the tears. “You all right?� he asks me gently.

“Wh-yes, I am,� I say. I suddenly can’t wait to get away from him. “Merry Christmas, Ted.�

“Merry Christmas,� he replies uncertainly. “Are you sure you’re okay?�

“Yes, Ted, I am,� I answer with conviction. His concern makes me smile nonetheless. “If you don’t hurry up, you’re going to miss the train,� I remind him as I spot Burbank waving near the gates.

“Oh yes, the train,� says Ted, although he doesn’t move.

“I think that’s Burbank waving at you over there,� I tell him finally.

Both of us watch Burbank hollering for him. “Right,� says Ted. “I’ve got to go, then. See you soon.�

“Yes. Enjoy Christmas.�

Without waiting for a reply, I leave him, eager for solitude. But, as I walk off alone, I’m aware of him staying rooted to the spot and watching my back.

When I turn back a few seconds later, he’s left for his friend. That is when the epiphany hits me.

I just called him Ted, not Tonks.


***


When I walk down to the Great Hall for dinner, it is to find a single long table. There are ten people there – Dumbledore, a few members of the staff, and three students, all from Ravenclaw. Two empty chairs await me. One of them would be mine, and the other would belong to –

“Dromeda,� says a voice behind me. I can’t believe it, but when I stop and turn around, Ted Tonks is standing at the door with a huge grin spread across his face.


***


“They have planned a visit to Hogsmeade,� begins Ted as we walk towards the dungeons.

“Now? During Christmas?�

“Yes.�

“That’s something new,� I reply.

“It is,� agrees Ted. “But won’t it be nice? No other student from Hogwarts has seen the place during Christmas. We’re going to be the first.�

I note how he just said “we�.

“Tomorrow?� I ask.

“Yes.� He pauses. “Would you like to go?�

The question is unnecessary, as he’s already answered it himself, but I humour him. “All right.�


***


Hogsmeade looks very beautiful.

All my life, I’ve spent my Christmas either in the confines of Black Mansion or the gloomy interiors of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. I have never seen it as other people celebrated it. Therefore, I don’t speak as I stare at the village, which is decked in unrestrained decoration. Red and green can be seen everywhere, and tiny orbs of golden light float in swamps. Somewhere, something sings carols.

“Excellent, isn’t it?� remarks Ted.

“Yes, that’s the word.�

“It’s a good thing it stopped snowing in the morning,� says Ted. “I thought we wouldn’t be able to get out.�

I nod at him; I’d been worried, too.

“So, where d’you want to go?� he asks me.

“Can we just walk around, if it isn’t too cold for you?�

“It’s all right,� he replies, even though his face is a bit white.

“You look cold, though,� I tell him, taking out my wand.

“I don’t think boils would help,� he says.

I laugh. “Don’t worry; it’s just a Warming Charm.�

He sincerely looks relieved as I stay true to my word. “Thanks. For a minute…�

“I know,� I tell him.

We pass Scrivenshaft, and walk on towards a small park.

“Do you remember what happened the first time you tried a Warming Charm?� I ask him, sitting down on a bench which is surprisingly warm and dry.

“Back in third year?� he says, scratching his head as he sits down next to me. “Yeah, Enid Willoughby’s hair flew up.�

“Yes, but that wasn’t the only thing it did,� I remind him. “Freddie Holmes kicked off his shoes, because they had started to melt.�

“Oh!� he cries, and the two of us lapse into a fit of laughter.

“I can’t believe you remember that,� he says.

I can’t believe it myself. “It was funny,� I manage to reply with a shrug.

He considers me as though I’m a jigsaw puzzle. “You sound as though you don’t get to hear jokes often,� he says finally.

Is that true? I wonder. I don’t answer.

“Isn’t it strange that we’re here together?� he continues, looking away.

I panic a bit. I don’t want him to think I like him. “It’s because there’s no one else at the school we’d rather be with.�

“Yeah,� he says agreeably. “You wouldn’t be with me if you knew you’d be seen with me.�

He doesn’t sound hurt. “I’m sorry,� I blurt out, surprising myself.

His gaze returns to me. “What for?�

“Well,� I continue, deciding to make things clear, “I’m lonely, and I’m using you. I’d normally prefer not to be with you, but I’m selfishly holding on to your company because we’re alone and no one would catch me at it.�

“And does my company please you?� he asks interestedly.

“At the moment, it does,� I reply, without missing a beat.

“That is all I ask for,� he tells me.

I have nothing to add to that.


***


The past three days have passed by quickly, and I don’t regret a single moment they contained. There was that one hour where I mulled over the irate letter which my mother had sent me, but my own anger over that was dispelled by the comforting fact that they hadn’t turned up at Hogwarts to take me. Apart from those sixty minutes or so, I’ve been happy.

I’ve been with Ted.

Ted…is an experience. A Refreshing Charm in bodily form. He comes up with the oddest ideas of wooing a girl.

We spent Christmas morning in the Hogwarts kitchen. We ate so much there we could skip lunch. The afternoon was spent on a competition over who would make a better snowman. He made one which looked exactly like Slughorn and won.

Yesterday, we explored the school. I went to parts of this castle where I’ve never been – Gryffindor Tower and Ravenclaw Tower, for instance. Ted actually knew where the entrances were located; he has many friends in both houses. He flirted shamelessly with the fat lady in the portrait (which leads to the Gryffindor common room) but she still shooed us away. We nearly got into Ravenclaw, though; the bronze eagle on the door asked us a riddle, and I answered correctly.

Of course, we didn’t go in. It was just the danger (and even silliness) of the whole thing which we wanted to experience. We ended up in the library after that. Madam Pince (who just started this year) looked at us suspiciously; I suppose she thought we were planning some shenanigans behind the tall bookcases.

Ted and I got out a book on wizarding genealogy. I showed him my ancestors. We had fun looking for his; he’s a Muggle-born, of course, yet we still looked for a “Tonks�. There was none. At last, we found a “Shelley�. Ted said his mother is a “Shelley�, so he figured his magic may have come from her side of the family.

Today, Ted and I kept it simple. He got out his Gobstones, and I took my wizard chess along. We sat in the Great Hall the entire day. He lost all the chess matches, and I spectacularly failed the Gobstones rounds.

I can’t remember ever having had this much fun.


***


We are sitting in the Charms classroom, reading the Daily Prophet, and discussing the disappearance of a man called Marcus Vance. Vance was a well-known man in the pure-blood circle, although unpopular because of his support of Muggle-borns. My father often calls him a brash fool.

His daughter, Emmeline, is in the Hufflepuff Quidditch team as Chaser. Ted’s been going on about how she’s nice and…

I don’t know what has just come over me. All of a sudden, I’m afraid of what he might think of me and my family. I know he knows where they stand – Blacks are famous for their pure-blood agendas. To me, Vance’s disappearance seems to be somehow connected to his sympathies for Muggle-borns. Ted couldn’t have any idea about this but I’m feeling rather nauseous.

“Ted.�

“Yes?� he replies, instantly breaking off his monologue.

“I’m not feeling well,� I say truthfully. “Could we meet later? I’d like to go to my dormitory and lie down for a while.�

He seems a little disappointed. “Yeah, sure,� he replies.

“Later, then,� I tell him as I get up to leave.

“Wait,� he says suddenly, getting up himself. “I’m sorry.�

“What for?� I ask him, looking at him in the eye.

He has reached me by now. “We could have been discussing something else,� he says with that frankness I strangely like him for.

“…Something unrelated to your family,� he finishes.

“What did you just say?� I ask him slowly. I can feel irrational anger stirring inside of me.

He doesn’t backtrack. He never backtracks.

“Your family, Dromeda,� he continues. “Their pure-blood prejudices. Marcus Vance was the one who vetoed the Muggle-born Registration Proposal a few months ago, wasn’t he? Against three members who not only supported it, but had actually campaigned for it for years?�

My father, Cygnus Black, is one of those three people.

“How dare you?� I ask him, my voice rising. “How the hell do you dare suggest such a thing?�

“I’m not suggesting anything,� he says coolly. “I’m just saying that, considering how Vance’s politics were so different from your father’s, you might have – �

I don’t remember raising my hand, but I’ve just slapped him.


***


Why?

Everything was going so perfectly; so perfectly that I was beginning to dread the end of the holidays. Start of term would mean the return of the rest of the students. It would mean losing Ted’s company.

So, why did he have to ruin it?

I will not be able to face him at dinner tonight.

I might not go to dinner at all.


***


It’s twelve o’clock. I can’t help it. I’m far too hungry.

I cast a Disillusionment Charm upon myself and set out for the school kitchen, hoping to Merlin the house-elves are still awake. Thankfully, Pringle doesn’t seem to be prowling anywhere near the dungeons tonight. As I walk along the corridor towards the kitchen, the portraits whisper among themselves that someone is passing by.

I’m somewhat scared of being caught, and yet I’m relishing this late-night adventure at the same time.

I successfully reach the painting of the bowl of fruit without any hitch. I tickle the pear, undo the Disillusionment Charm and let out a triumphant “Ha!� as the door opens.

And then I curse myself inwardly as I see a surprised Ted Tonks standing right in front of me on the other side. He’s still wearing the same clothes he had on earlier.

“Hi,� he says in a neutral voice.

“Hi,� I reply coldly. I’m spared the necessity of looking at him as three house-elves rush towards me, curtseying and beckoning me inside. I enter and walk where the elves lead me, ignoring him. Most of the house-elves seem to have gone to bed.

“What are you doing here?� he asks.

“What are you doing here?� I shoot back.

“I was hungry,� he replies. There is a frown on his face.

I don’t continue the conversation. Instead, I ask an eager house-elf if she could get me some food.

“You skipped dinner?� he asks curiously as he approaches me.

“What’s so strange about it? You seemed to have skipped it too!�

He shrugs. I sit down on a chair and turn my back on him, hoping he would leave soon. To my dismay, he takes a chair and sits next to him.

“How did you get here?�

I can’t help but almost hear suppressed mirth in his voice. “I walked,� I reply.

“Just like that?� he asked, nodding at my custom-made Slytherin dressing gown.

“I’m not a fool, Tonks,� I reply shortly. “I Disillusioned myself first.�

A house-elf brings a tray bearing a goblet of pumpkin juice and a huge sandwich. “Thank you,� I say to her with a smile. “What’s your name?�

“I is Dimpy, Miss,� replies the house-elf, beaming. “If Miss needs anything, just call Dimpy.�

“I will,� I tell her. She leaves after giving a short bow.

“What are you waiting for?� I ask Tonks irritably. “Can’t I eat in peace?�

He gets up, and I feel relief washing over me. Then, much to my annoyance, he moves the chair and sits in front of me.

“How is it?� he asks as I take a huge bite out of the sandwich.

“Look, Ted,� I begin as soon as I swallow the delicious ham sandwich.

“You called me ‘Ted’,� he cuts in.

I feel myself blushing. “Tonks, please, I want to finish eating this,� I plead with him. “You can annoy me as much as you want after I’m done, all right?�

He nods.

As my hunger lifts slowly, the memory of the slap returns with full force. I can’t bear to look up at him. He just sits calmly and watches me finish the sandwich and the goblet of pumpkin juice.

“D’you want more?� he asks.

I shake my head. The normality of our interaction seem unreal to me, and yet…it’s Ted.

“Miss wants some treacle tart?� asks Dimpy, rushing forward to gather the tray.

“No,� I assure her. “Thank you, Dimpy.�

I stand up, and Ted follows suit. “Goodnight, then,� I tell him pointedly.

He silently raises his left hand and touches my cheek.

“What the – �

“There was a spot of mayonnaise there, Dromeda,� he says.

I realise his voice sounds tired. I also realise the part where he just touched me seems to be burning.

“Fine!� I yell at him without warning. “Fine! Are you done? Can I go? Will you leave me alone now?�

“Miss?� asks Dimpy, who has returned with a slice of treacle tart. She has an offended look on her face. “Miss can take this treacle tart and go,� she says.

I stare at the house-elf. “I’m sorry,� I say automatically.

And then I run out of the place. Ted follows me, calling me back, but I’ve broken down and tears are already flowing down my cheeks. I hasten out of the room, forgetting about Disillusionment Charms, forgetting that it was past curfew. Ted catches up with me and with an irate hiss, pulls me back.

“In,� he orders. As I’ve run out of the will to defy him, I follow him blindly through a passage.

“I’m so sorry,� he says as soon as we come out of the passage and entered a room. “I’m so, so sorry, Dromeda. Please…I’m sorry…�

He gathers me into his arms and lets me cry there.

“Please, don’t cry,� he says desperately. “It’s my fault. Please, I’m so very sorry.�

“No, Ted,� I tell him, trying to gather myself. “I had no right to slap you.�

“I deserved it,� he says, still holding me tightly. “I had no right talking about your family like that, Dromeda.�

“Well, it was true,� I argue back. “Whatever you said was true, Ted.� I pull myself away and look into his eyes finally. “I just didn’t want you coming to that conclusion about my family. I was scared it would create an unbridgeable distance between us.�

“Even though you were prepared to ignore me as soon as everyone got back?� he asks me.

We stare at each other for a few seconds. I feel as though I’m spiralling out of control. “Ted,� I say softly, “why don’t you hate me? You know I’m being unreasonably selfish when you’ve been nothing but good to me. Why don’t you despise me?�

“I can’t,� he replies. “I love you.�

I keep staring at him helplessly.

“I love you,� he repeats. “Even though you’re selfish. There…would you like to sit down?�

I can neither speak nor move.

He comes forward and gently leads me to a sofa. This is when I begin to fully register the room I’m in. It is a cosy, spacious room with plush, black armchairs. Yellow hangings can be found in all direction. There are large round holes which look as though they lead to tunnels.

“This is our common room,� says Ted brightly in spite of the situation we are in. “Cheerier than yours, I expect?�

I can’t figure if he’s trying to enlighten my mood with a joke or provoking me. But he’s smiling.

“Look, Dromeda,� he says, sitting down next to me. “I know, all right? I know we’ll go back to where we were before Christmas when school starts; I know you’re being selfish. And still it doesn’t matter to how I feel for you. You know why?�

I have no idea.

“When you’re with me,� he continues, “you are real, you know that? You don’t fake it. You’re truly happy. It’s not just something you do to while away your time; it’s something you find solace in.�

He pauses and takes a deep breath as though he’s preparing to launch himself into a full-blown speech.

“I’ll never forget that day when you laughed at my stupid joke,� he says unexpectedly. “It came as a complete surprise, because you used to be so closed to the rest of us. I was intrigued. I wanted to see if I could do it again. It was too much fun whenever you reacted. I thought…I thought I could show people you could be shaken, and I was a little proud of being able to do that. And then…I don’t know, I began to look forward to our classes. I began to want to see you smile grudgingly…�

He lapses into abject silence. “But I hexed you,� I remind him to get him talking again.

“Yes, you did,� he says, chuckling. “But you also nearly kissed me.�

“That was a trick,� I assure him.

“Nah, it wasn’t throughout,� he replies. “I swear there was this one second, Dromeda, when you were unsure of yourself.

“It’s no use denying it,� he says firmly as I open my mouth to argue out of habit. “You know it’s true. Of course, there was no way you felt the same way about me, but that incident gave me hope.�

“You ignored me after that,� I say.

“Is that a complaint?�

I scowl at him. He has a stupid grin on his face.

“I ignored you because I wanted to be sure,� he says. “And I was right. You’d often glance at me without being aware of it. Yet, I knew I’d never stand a chance as long as your elder sister was here.�

“What?� I asked, surprised that he’d understand me to such an extent.

“Yes,� he replies, “your chaperone, and the big ‘Mudblood-hater’ of the school.�

“Ted – �

“Sorry,� he says swiftly. “Anyway, when I saw you returning that day, I supposed it was now or never. I stayed back. And now, you’re here in our common room in your dressing gown. How good am I?�

“Fancy some boils?� I ask him.

He laughs.

“I slapped you, Ted,� I tell him earnestly. “I shouldn’t have. It was…I was so angry!�

“I am sorry,� he says with as much urgency. “I’m such a daft berk, Dromeda. I was afraid. I’ve actually been afraid all this time.�

I wait patiently.

“Your family, Dromeda…I know you’ve never said you liked me, but…�

He pauses, struggling for words.

“I just feel that they’re the only thing that’s stopping you from doing that, y’know.�

And here I am, thinking that my family would make me repulsive to him.

“I mean, okay, I’m naturally against their principles, but you’re different. You’re so different from them. You could love me.�

I fail to reply again.

“Which makes me as much selfish as you, Dromeda,� he cries, standing up suddenly and starting to pace around the room. “They’re your family, for Pete’s sake! I’ve no fucking right to expect you to weigh them against me? Who am I?�

“Ted?� I try to calm him to no effect.

“It’s never bothered me if you were selfish! I told you earlier I don’t care if we’re on borrowed time, or if you want my company only for a few weeks. I told you what I liked was the fact that you could be happy when you were with me. I told you that was enough, although that proved I was the heroic prat Andy has been accusing me of being all this while.�

He breaks into a bitter laugh.

“Andy calls me a self-satisfied martyr, y’know,� he tells me. “He’s been telling me to forget you for ages. Yet, I couldn’t.�

“You should have stayed away from me,� I tell him, although it strangely hurts me to say that.

“But today,� he goes on, ignoring what I just said, “I realised I’ve been lying to myself all this while. Lying to you, even. I never wanted you for just a Christmas holiday, Dromeda. I wanted you for a hell of a longer time than that.�

I try to think of something to say to that but I don’t succeed.

“Today, when I was talking about Vance, I wanted to provoke you,� he says heavily. “I wanted to check if you were finally going to say if you…if you didn’t agree with your family’s pure-blood values. And I got what I deserved for an answer.�

He goes and flops down in an armchair, and refuses to look at me for a while.

“Ted?�

“Mmmhm,� he mumbles back.

“Are you quite done?� I ask him.

“Yeah, I think so,� he answers gloomily.

“I’ve said this before,� I begin slowly, “but I’ll say it again. What you said about my family is true. What you also said about my being different from them is true.�

He turns towards me and holds my gaze, waiting with a kind of patience I didn’t deserve.

“And I also told you I was scared you might reject me because of that, even though I wasn’t planning to stay your friend forever.�

I stand up, unable to remain sitting any longer.

“I enjoyed your company and I wanted to enjoy it some more even though I knew I couldn’t give you mine. I was self-centred, cunning and manipulative. And you know something? I still blamed you.�

I take a few tentative steps towards him.

“That’s why I felt miserable while we were in the kitchen. I couldn’t live with myself. I couldn’t live with the guilt. I couldn’t face you. You…you’ve been so good to me. I don’t know why and how you could love me, but I’m glad you do.�

“Really?� he asks.

“Yes.�

He gets up from his armchair abruptly and says something which completely takes me by surprise. “I won’t ask you if you like me that way.�

“What?�

He starts coming towards me. “It doesn’t matter if you fancy me as I fancy you, which is a lot,� he tells me. “I just wish you’d spend time with me. That you…you let me feel I could approach you anytime, anywhere. That you don’t ignore me as if you don’t care about me. That you at least let me go on making you smile and laugh.

“Is that too much to ask?�

It is not, but I have to tell him the truth anyway. “All right, I won’t be an evil Slytherin and go back to my shell when term starts,� I begin brusquely, trying to jump back to my element. “But you must know one thing, Ted. I can’t promise you more than what I can give you. I don’t know what will happen after I graduate; I don’t even know if I want to marry.�

“I’m not asking you to marry me,� he assures me, as a flush cover his cheeks.

“You aren’t,� I tell him, “but I’m bringing this up just so it’s clear where we stand. I can’t promise myself to you.�

He takes a deep breath and closes the few gaps that were between us. “It’s okay with me. I won’t ask you to keep strings attached. I don’t waste precious time being desperate. I’ll never meet anyone else as you, and I want to love you without worrying for as long as I can do that. And if it means this will last just a fucking year and a half, then so be it.�

“It could be shorter than that,� I suggest.

“All right, Dromeda.�

I nod as though we’ve just struck a business deal. “So, will you forgive me for slapping you earlier?�

“Yes.�

“Will you forgive me for being selfish?�

“Yes. But don’t stop being selfish if it’s the only way you can stay with me.�

“Will you forgive me for breaking down like an idiot?�

“That was my fault.�

“No, it wasn’t. Will you?�

“All right, yes.�

“Will you forgive me for going back to the cold Slytherin I usually am and setting stipulations about our friendship?�

“Yes, but ‘friendship’ sounds dull.�

“Have what you will,� I say, pretending I don’t care.

“Is it my turn now?� he asks.

“Mmhm.�

“Will you pull this Slytherin green and silver dressing gown tighter across your body? I know you’re skilled at Warming Charms and don’t feel the cold like the rest of us mortals, but I can see a nice view which I don’t think you’d normally want me to see.�

He says this in a breath. Confused, I look down…and see my cleavage popping out. Out of shock and utter embarrassment, I raise my hand to hit him, but he laughs easily and draws me closer to kiss me.

I return the kiss soon enough.


******************************************************


Even on that night, when I had so readily snogged a boy who had had the gall to make such a remark, I had no inkling that our relationship would lead up to this. But, it has! And I’m doing it happily and without regrets. I’m escaping with Ted and marrying him.

If anyone asked me why him, I’d have a thousand answers, all of which would be equally valid. It’s true that he isn’t as wealthy as some of my suitors; it’s true that he is a Muggle-born. And yet Galleons or blood status couldn’t give me what Ted gifts me readily: his patience, his candour, his generosity, his terrible jokes, his love, and his lack of demands.

Whenever I thought of spending my life with someone like Travers, I felt claustrophobic; with Ted, it’s an eternal flight.

Five more minutes.

“Cissy?�

My sister leaves Lucius and walks towards me.

“Yes, Meda.�

“Merry Christmas,� I wish her, kissing her cheek.

“Merry Christmas,� she replies. She looks radiant.

“I love you; you know that, don’t you?�

A shadow passes across her face. “I love you too.�

I pull her into my arms, relishing what could be our last embrace.

“Stay happy.�

“I will,� she says. “Want me to play something for you?�

“Yes.�

The only person from this house who I will miss. I watch her sadly as she picks up a familiar melody.

Suddenly, a bell rings. Everyone looks at me.

It’s time.

I give a slight bow and walk towards the door. Standing in the hallway is Ted – dressed as Father Christmas, complete with a huge sack on his shoulder. I have to stop myself from laughing out. Winking at him, I turn back to the room.

“Mother, Father,� I announce, “our surprise guest is here. Will you give me a minute to present him?�

They give their assent…and I realise Bella is not inside the drawing room. Panicking, I leave them and hurry over to Ted.

“Quick,� I tell him, “you know where we’re Apparating to, right? We got to go now. Bella suspects something–�

Ted drops the sack. “Right,� he says urgently, “hold my arm–�

“Well, well, well,� says a voice behind me. “Look at what we have here. If you move so much as an inch, Tonks, I swear I’ll kill you.�

It’s Bella, of course.

“Bella,� I warn her now, “it’s no use. Let me go.�

“I don’t think so, Meda,� replies Bella, and I see her wand is directed towards Ted. “I will not have my sister marrying scum and breeding Mudblood spawns!�

“If you harm so much as a hair on his head,� I tell her angrily, “you will suffer me.�

“Your own sister, Meda?� she says loudly, her face red. “Your own sister for this filth?�

“I love him.�

She reacts predictably, spitting on the floor.

Just then, her attention is deflected from Ted by Cissy. “What’s taking you so long, Med–�

Cissy stands still, in shock at the scene playing out in front of her. I look at Ted. It is now or never.

I slip my fingers into his; I can already feel a small tingling. Turning towards my livid older sister, Ted says, “Merry Christmas, dear sister-in-law.�

I can hear Bella screaming – not casting – a Cruciatus Curse at Ted, and his hold slackens a bit; but we have already made our move into abject darkness. The next second, we’re in a small bedroom, laughing deliriously.

I am free. I am with Ted.