Chapter One

The journey back to Hogwarts was cold and snowy. The grey sky opened up just as they came over a hill and snowflakes began to drape the trees, quickly coating the ground with a second layer of powdery fluff. James was walking with Remus and Julie Higgins, a sixth-year Ravenclaw prefect. Though she had initially accompanied James to Hogsmeade for the day, she was now walking close to Remus, laughing and touching his arm as they discussed a lesson from Defense Against the Dark Arts. Though James felt slightly used, it didn’t bother him too much to see Remus enjoying her company.

As they turned one last corner, James was surprised to see a lone figure walking through the snow, robes bundled tight against the chill wind. A long, red braid revealed the figure’s identity: Lily Evans. To his greater surprise, she was slightly unsteady as she tilted her face to catch snowflakes on her tongue.

He frowned, unsure what he should do. He and Lily had a tenuous relationship at best. They shared Head Boy and Head Girl duties well enough and got along much better than they had in years past; yet he sensed a lingering animosity from her, the feeling that she still found him arrogant and annoying and wanted as little to do with him as possible outside of their shared duties. It bothered him, but he had thrown himself into his increased responsibilities—Head Boy, N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch—with as much diligence as he could, and had found that, though his feelings for her had not actually changed, they were now buried beneath several layers of defenses and the silent acceptance that she would probably never see him as anything more than an immature prankster.

“You guys go on,� he told Remus and Julie. “I’ll help her out—Head Boy and all.� He gave them a small smile and walked toward Lily, who had collapsed in the snow and was making a snow angel. Julie didn’t seem bothered at all, and even took Remus’s hand as they continued to the castle. James shook his head, amused at the strange turn his day had taken.

“Lily!� he called, and she lifted her head to look for him.

“That’s Evans to you, Potter,� she said.

He rolled his eyes, not wanting to get sucked into an argument on semantics. “All right—Evans. You okay?� He stopped beside her, and she gazed up at him, her green eyes slightly unfocused.

“Yes,� she stated. “Mostly.�

“You’re completely pissed,� he pointed out. “That’s against Hogsmeade rules, even for the Head Girl.�

“Especially for the Head Girl,� she said, giggling.

James sighed; she obviously needed his help, however unwilling he was to give it or she was to receive it. He pulled her up and guided her back toward the castle, taking out his wand to dry off her wet clothes.

“Hey!� she exclaimed. “Stop that—it tickles!�

“Better than catching cold,� he replied. “So where did you go?�

“The Hog’s Head,� she replied proudly.

“With who?�

“With whom,� she corrected, and he rolled his eyes again. “Friends,� she finally answered.

“And why aren’t they walking you back?� he asked.

“Dunno,� she said, with a shrug. It was probably the first time he had ever heard her admit she did not know something.

“Some friends,� he said as they neared the gates. “Well, we can’t have you wandering the castle like this. We need to get you back to Gryffindor without running into any professors.“ He reached into his robes and pulled out his Invisibility Cloak; why he had taken it to Hogsmeade, he couldn’t have said, but he was glad he had it now, even if he had to reveal his secret. She probably wouldn’t remember in the morning, anyway.

“What’s that?� she asked curiously, leaning toward him. Her eyes were bright and her nose was pink from the cold; James was struck with the sudden urge to kiss it to warm her up. He shook his head of the thought; he had stopped imagining what it would be like to kiss Lily months ago . . . right?

“Here, take my arm. This will hide us.� She did as she was told, and he threw the cloak over both of them as they entered the castle grounds.

“Ooh, it’s an Invisibility Cloak!� she exclaimed.

“Quiet!� he hissed.

“This must be how you sneak around every month,� she whispered. “Very nice.�

“Thanks,� he replied dryly, ignoring her comment about his nocturnal wanderings.

“Do you bring your girlfriends under here often?� she continued as they walked up the steps into the castle. He steered her down the corridors toward Gryffindor Tower, away from the crowds entering the Great Hall. “It’s cozy.�

“You’re the first,� he whispered back, unable to resist the subtle innuendo.

She stuck out her tongue sideways at him. “I doubt it. Besides, I’m not your girlfriend.� She stumbled as they climbed the stairs together. James grabbed her around the waist to keep her from stumbling, but immediately dropped his hands when he realized what he had done. To his surprise, she giggled again.

“Did I burn you, Potter?� she asked coyly. “Or are you trying to stay true to Jooooo-lie?� She said the Ravenclaw’s name with exaggerated slowness and laughed at her own joke. James quieted her again as they walked down a third-floor corridor.

“No, you didn’t burn me,� he whispered, although he had certainly felt something when he put his arms out to steady her. “And Julie’s not my girlfriend. I think she’s into Remus, actually.�

Lily stopped so abruptly that James almost pulled the cloak off them both. “Oh. I’m sorry,� she said. “That’s awkward.�

He shrugged as he tugged her along once more. “Not really. I don’t mind. They have much more in common.“

“Unlike us,� she laughed, but there was a cynical edge to it now, not the innocent giggle of earlier.

“What does that mean?� he asked.

“Well, we have nothing in common, do we?� she replied. “We’re Head Girl and Head Boy, but Dumbledore only knows how that happened since you weren’t even a prefect! Yet here we are, sneaking around under this cloak!�

Something about her tone of voice bothered him, but he resolved to ignore it and just get her back to Gryffindor before things got out of hand. They had fought quite a bit at the beginning of the year as they had tried to find balance in their strange relationship as Head Boy and Head Girl, but had gradually found a common ground where they could get along without fighting every time they talked. Things had really calmed down after the winter holiday: Lily had come back to Hogwarts rather more quiet than usual, and he had decided to keep his distance to uphold the tenuous peace that had somehow sprung up between them.

“Stranger things have happened,� he shrugged. He bit his tongue to keep any sharper retort inside.

“That’s true,� she agreed. “Like this.� And, without warning, she stopped, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him hard.

James felt the heat rush to his face and spread across his entire body. He wanted to throw off the cloak and snog her senseless right there, but of course he couldn’t: she wasn’t entirely sober. She probably didn’t even know what she was doing, and she certainly wouldn’t remember it the morning. If she did, she would most likely be incredibly angry about it, even though she had instigated it.

He pushed her away, breathless from the intensity of her kiss, and looked at her warily, wondering what her reaction could possibly be.

“Not bad, Potter,� she murmured, surprising him yet again. “Why did you stop?�

Taking her hand once more, he hurried her along toward Gryffindor Tower. “Because you obviously don’t know what you are doing,� he hissed, angry at himself more than at her. He almost wished he hadn’t stopped to help her outside, hadn’t gotten out his cloak to sneak them into the castle, because the temptation to stop and kiss her again was practically overwhelming, and yet he was also glad for it, because it had been better than he had ever imagined.

“I know exactly what I’m doing, Potter,� she whispered as she practically ran alongside him to keep up. “I should have done it a long time ago. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel anything.�

He glared at her, suddenly tired of her teasing. She couldn’t possibly mean it, after all: she had spent years rejecting him. Why would she suddenly want to snog him now? “Not at all,� he replied as blandly as he could, ignoring how untrue it was: he had certainly felt something, and his lips still tingled with it.

“Liar,� she said. “You did and you know it. You want to kiss me again. I can tell. What’s stopping you?�

“Your mouth,� he snapped. “I knew you could be annoying, but I didn’t know you could be such a drama queen.� He regretted saying it as soon as the words left his mouth, but it was said, and he could only wait for the inevitable explosion.

“Jerk,� she snapped back, pushing him away.

“Diva!� he responded, mostly by instinct.

“Prick!�

“Forget it!� he shouted, flinging the cloak to the ground and leaving them exposed. “Walk yourself back to Gryffindor. Get in trouble, for all I care.� He turned and stalked away, leaving her standing in the corridor, speechless. He was glad there was no one there to see him, for he knew his face was flushed with anger and embarrassment.

“James.�

Her voice was calm and level. He stopped and took a deep breath before he turned around. He didn’t move, didn’t say anything, but waited for her to make the next move.

She walked toward him slowly, a small smile on her face. He couldn’t tell if she was going to apologize or slap him. To his amazement, she kissed him again, and it was even more passionate than the first time. It was all he could do to force himself to grab her wrists and pull away.

“What the hell, Lily?� he exclaimed.

“What the hell, Potter?� she snapped back. “I’m throwing myself at you, and you’re pushing me away? You spent two years asking me out, and now you’re saying no? What the hell, is right.�

“Look,� he said, running his fingers through his hair for the first time all day; she was getting to him. “You’ve had too much to drink. You don’t know what you’re doing. I’m not such an arse that I’m going to take advantage of that.�

She raised her eyebrows suggestively. “What if I want you to?� she asked. She stood chest-to-chest with him, looking into his face with her deep green eyes, and James felt his breathing hitch at her closeness.

“Then you’d probably regret it tomorrow,� he said, but he felt the pull of her lips, moving closer, and it was almost too strong to resist.

“Then I’ll deal with it tomorrow,� she murmured, running her index finger down his cheek. He couldn’t help but shiver. “What about now?�

“Shit,� he mumbled as he claimed her mouth for a third time. Yet, this time, it felt more real, more right. He could almost forget that she wasn’t completely sober. He could almost believe that she really did mean it.

All the feelings he had buried and given up on returned in an intoxicating rush. He wrapped his arms around her tight, his tongue greedily exploring her mouth. He ran his hands down her back and heard her moan softly as she pressed closer to him. He thought he might explode with the sudden need to be with her forever. He never wanted it to end; that it was just a drunken delusion that they would both regret in the morning only briefly entered his thoughts. Instead, he could only think of how perfect the moment was—whatever it was.

And then it hit him: it was nothing, just a single moment of weakness for both of them. It was not the start of anything, but the end. It would mean nothing the next day, only anger and hurt and confusion. They would have to rebuild the fragile working relationship they had lived with all year, and he would have to go back to ignoring how he really felt about her. Everything—and yet nothing—would change.

James abruptly pulled back, gasping, “I’m sorry.� He was: he was sorry for taking advantage of her, for breaking down the walls they had carefully built up. Already, he felt bitter over experiencing something he could never have, and resentful for knowing what could have been.

“Don’t be,� she said, stepping back and straightening her robes. “I’m not.�

“Not yet,� he murmured, pushing his glasses back into place.

She gave him a small smile. “No, not yet,� she repeated. “Can I keep this for a while?� She gestured to the cloak, lying on the floor in a rumpled heap.

“Sure,� he said, at a loss for words. “Do you want me to walk you back?� he offered lamely. Some assistance he had turned out to be; he felt like a complete cad for trying to get her back safely only to end up groping her in the hallway.

Lily gave him a pointed look as she picked up the cloak. “I think I’ve let you help me quite enough,� she said.

There it was: the reproach, the rejection he’d been waiting for. This time, he felt angry; she had given him a glimpse of something great, something that could never be, and now she would blame him for it? His thoughts must have been obvious, for she reached up to touch his cheek and smiled.

“I didn’t mean it like that,� she said softly. “I’ll return the cloak tomorrow. Can we talk then?� She held his eyes for a moment, and James felt a little shock as he gazed back. She was clear-eyed and didn’t appear as regretful as he would have expected.

James could only nod as she walked away, throwing the cloak around her shoulders and disappearing as if into a dream. He fell back against the cool walls of the corridor, eyes closed as he tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened. He couldn’t figure it out. He only knew that he couldn’t wait to talk to her tomorrow, no matter the outcome.

* * *

Chapter Two

Lily turned the corner, tossing the Invisibility Cloak around her shoulders. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw James sag against the wall behind her. She wanted to stay, but sensed that her out of character behavior was confusing him—although he had certainly returned that last kiss with enthusiasm. The part of her mind that was thinking logically recognized how horribly she had just treated him, and yet the other part of her—the part that never did anything impulsive—rejoiced at having done something so impetuous, something she had wanted to do for a very long time: kiss James Potter.

She just hadn't found the courage to act on it until today, until a drink or two at the Hog's Head had loosened her normally calm and rational nature. It hadn’t even been that much, just enough to let her relax and embrace the opportunity to have fun with her friends a bit without worrying about school. She certainly hadn’t expected to run into James Potter in that state of mind, and could hardly believe what she had done.

Lily decided not to return to Gryffindor right away. She didn't want to run into any of her friends now, especially Mary, and have to answer questions about her long walk home alone. It would be even worse to run into James again, since she was definitely not ready to talk about what had just happened. Instead, she headed up toward one of the long hallways on the seventh floor, hoping to find a window niche where she could watch the snowfall and think about what she was going to say to James the next day.

As she rounded a corner, she nearly ran into a couple pressed against the fall, kissing passionately. She almost gasped when she realized it was Remus Lupin and Julie Higgins, the Ravenclaw who had apparently gone to Hogsmeade with James…only to end up with one of his best friends. Stuffing a hand in her mouth to stifle her laugh, she hurried past them. Unfortunately, Remus seemed to have good reflexes.

"Did you feel something?" he asked, ending the kiss and glancing around the corridor. Lily slowed down to listen.

"No," said Julie. "Why? You're not worried someone is going to see us up here, are you? Everyone is in the Great Hall now."

"Well, no, not exactly," Remus hedged. "It's just not very private, is it?"

Julie giggled, and Lily rolled her eyes at the girlish sound; surely she hadn't been making that same sound with James? "You're worried about James, aren't you?" That stopped Lily, and she turned to listen without shame.

Remus nodded somewhat guiltily. "I am. You were spending the day with him, after all."

Julie ran her fingers along Remus's jaw, and Lily saw him shudder a bit; hadn't she just done the same to James as well?

"He went off with Lily Evans, didn't he? So I have every right to snog his best friend, don't I?" Lily was slightly surprised at how manipulative she was—and how Remus didn't seem to mind at the moment. Did women really have so much power over men? Was that how James had looked moments ago?

"He was just trying to help her," Remus offered, beginning to nuzzle her neck.

"Yes, but he still fancies her, doesn't he?" she replied. "They're Head Boy and Head Girl, they spend a lot of time together—for all we know, they could be doing the same thing we are right now!"

Remus stopped to think about what Julie had said, then laughed. Lily couldn't help but feel slightly irritated: was he laughing at the thought of James still liking her, or the thought of them kissing? Was either really so improbable?

"I doubt it," he finally said. "He says he’s over her, and she barely gives him the time of day outside of Head duties."

"Things change," murmured Julie, silencing Remus with a kiss. "Look at how my day turned out." Lily turned and fled before she witnessed anything else, or before she heard more gossip about her and James.

"Things do change," she said to herself. She had changed a lot over the past few months. The responsibility of being Head Girl was challenging and finally starting to affect her N.E.W.T. studies. The additional aggravation of working with a boy who had spent over two years teasing, taunting, and tormenting her with endless invitations to go out with him—and who had now matured into a responsible Head Boy who was doing exceptionally well in class—only made the situation worse. The very scary things happening outside of Hogwarts were slowly starting to affect the castle as well, and tensions were high between the houses. Lily found herself feeling less content every day; instead, she felt unsure, uncertain, and unsettled.

Coming to her favorite niche, Lily settled down under the cloak and looked out at the new snow. She sighed as she realized that the biggest part of her problem was not her increased responsibilities, or her more challenging classes, or even the war outside. It was James: she wanted to hold on to her irritation with him, but found it slipping away more every day as her feelings slowly morphed into something she desperately wanted to deny.

She still didn’t understand his appointment as Head Boy. He hadn't even been a prefect! Why wasn't Remus Head Boy instead? Or Rob Goldstein? Or Kieran Tyler? She could have worked with any of them. The truth was, she had been expecting James to screw up, but he hadn't. It had been a rough start, yet he had settled into responsibility like he had been born to it; perhaps Dumbledore had known it all along and had just been waiting for it. James had grown into a solid Head Boy, and managed his Quidditch game with his N.E.W.Ts as well. In fact, he was getting higher marks than her in some classes, and that galled her even more: he was actually doing better than her, when for so many years she had been at the top of the class and able to thumb her nose at him, his attitude, and his annoying pranks.

Now that she couldn't look down at him, Lily had to look him square in the face every day and had come to gradually admit some things to herself: he was handsome, in an quirky sort of way. It was not the same good look as Sirius Black, but he had a nice face. When he smiled at her, it was no longer with the cocky, conceited attitude that he had spent years perfecting. Instead, he seemed more open, relaxed, and confident, not brash. He had become a man who was comfortable with himself and successful at what he did, and not only was Lily slightly envious of that, but she found it extremely attractive. It was unsettling to think of him so differently.

She did think about him—a lot. Too much, in fact. She had gone home for her sister's wedding over the Christmas holiday, and something about it —though Vernon Dursley was an ugly pig of a man—had opened her mind to the possibility of romance. For whatever reason, James Potter had slipped in and wouldn't leave.

She found herself staring at him more and more, wanting to be with him more and more. She looked forward to their duties as Head Boy and Head Girl, and sometimes wished there were other reasons for them to work together. She occasionally daydreamed about kissing him, and she even missed him when he excused himself to sneak off with his friends, something that had bothered her to no end at the beginning of the year.

Lily didn't want to admit it, but she was really starting to like James Potter. Even worse, she had probably messed it all up with her impulsive, uncharacteristic actions in the corridor. She dropped her head to her knees, suddenly embarrassed for what she had done, and sad for what she had probably ended before it even began.

“I see you learned the secret tonight,� said a voice behind her. Lily looked up to see Remus Lupin standing there, leaning against the opposite wall as he regarded her curiously. He motioned at the cloak that had fallen to the floor. “At least one of them.�

"One?� she asked, leaning over to pick up the cloak. She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realized when it had slipped off. “There are more?�

“Maybe,� he replied, with a wink. “So how did you come by the cloak?�

“James let me borrow it so I could get back to Gryffindor unseen.�

Remus raised his eyebrows. “It works better when you keep it on, you know.�

Lily rolled her eyes at him. “How did you know I would be here, anyway?� she asked.

“I didn’t,� he admitted. “I felt something brush by me and had a feeling someone was sneaking around under the cloak, so I decided to walk around a bit. I’m surprised you’re alone.�

“Why?�

“Because I assumed James was helping you back to Gryffindor, like he said.�

“He tried,� she sighed. “But I made things rather difficult.�

Remus gave her a mock frown. “You? Make something difficult for James? Never!�

“Not the way you might think,� she said with a half-hearted smile.

“I’m sure it was a stimulating encounter,� he murmured.

Lily gave him a studied look and decided to tell him. She had worked with Remus as a prefect and felt like she could trust him. Of all James’s friends, he was probably the only one who might actually listen and try to help her. “It was a bit like your encounter with a certain Ravenclaw prefect nearby,� she said, hoping he would understand, and enjoying the opportunity to tease him after what she had seen in the corridor.

Remus blushed and looked away. “You saw that, did you?� She grinned and nodded; he seemed even more embarrassed. “Everything?�

“Just about,� Lily replied. “Where did she go?�

Remus coughed. “Some Ravenclaws went by and caught us. They dragged her off to dinner, giggling like mad.� He sat down beside her. “So, what exactly did you see?�

"Enough,� she admitted with a sigh. “I heard you tell her that James doesn’t fancy me anymore.�

“If your encounter was anything like mine, that would seem to be untrue, wouldn’t it?� he said.

Lily shrugged. “I don’t know. I kissed him first.�

Remus had a huge grin on his face now. “And?�

“And then again.�

“Nice.�

“He pushed me away,� she told him.

“He was probably in shock,� Remus offered.

“But the third time…�

“Yes?�

“It was better. Right. And unexpected.�

“Why?�

“He didn’t push me away, for one. I didn’t think I would feel anything, but I did.�

“Then why did you kiss him?� asked Remus.

Lily looked down at her hands, not sure how to reply since she could barely answer the question for herself, let alone articulate what had driven her to do something so rash as to throw her arms around James Potter and kiss him not once, but twice.

Remus took her silence as answer and shook his head. "Things really do change," he murmured.

Lily looked up curiously. "What do you mean?" she asked, even though she had already given the matter a lot of thought. She was curious how someone else saw the situation.

"Well, you've always hated him, haven't you?" he asked matter-of-factly. "He’s had a thing for you for years, practically driven you mad trying to get you to go out with him, but you probably never even considered it. And yet now…� he trailed off.

"He’s changed," she said, feeling defensive. "I'm sure I'd still loathe him if he were a smug, big-headed prat like he was before."

Remus just nodded, a sly smile on his face.

"I mean," she continued, suddenly feeling the need to talk it out, "he's actually…nice this year. He's handling his responsibilities as Head Boy better than I expected, playing well, even top of the class in some lessons. And he's not asking me out every other week, which is a good thing. In fact, we've hardly fought at all in months."

"It has been rather dull and quiet around Gryffindor, hasn't it?" teased Remus.

"He's changed," Lily said, ignoring his remark. "So it's only natural that I change, too."

"Of course," he assured her.

“Why shouldn’t I like someone like that? Why can’t I find him attractive? I can change, too, even if no one thinks I can.�

Remus nodded once more.

"I just wish I knew how he did it," she continued.

"Did what?"

"How he keeps up!" she exclaimed. "How does he manage his duties, his classes, and his game—and still find time to sneak around with you guys every month?" Remus looked slightly surprised at that; she filed it away for later. "I'm trying my best, but sometimes it's almost too much."

He nodded sympathetically. For some reason, Lily felt comfortable; perhaps it was the lingering effects of her trip to Hogsmeade, or her impulsive actions with James, but at that moment she needed someone to confide in, so she continued.

"I'm having trouble in class. I can't manage a Patronus Charm yet in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and don't even ask about my Transfiguration grade." She looked sideways at him, hoping he wouldn't laugh.

"I can help you with Defense Against the Dark Arts," he offered. "I can do the charm, so maybe I can see what you might be missing."

"And Transfiguration?" she asked hopefully. Perhaps, if she were able to get her studies back on track, she would be able to focus more. Of course, she knew perfectly well that it was the other way around: her grades were slipping because she was unfocused, and she was unfocused because of James Potter. That, however, was no longer part of the conversation. Or so she thought.

"Ah, no," Remus replied, grinning. "You should actually ask James about that. He's top of the class in Transfiguration, after all, and for good reason."

He seemed to be holding back a laugh, and Lily wondered what was so amusing. She also wondered whether or not she could actually do it: could she ask James Potter for help? Especially after what had just happened? Would it make things better—or worse?

"Do you think he would?" she finally asked. "After what happened today?"

"I think it's well worth asking," Remus said.

"But what if he's mad at me? What if he doesn't like me anymore, like you told Julie?"

"He's been saying that for months, but none of us believe him," Remus said. "I think he's just buried it. Like you said, he's changed—he's grown up a bit, taken on some responsibility. He's put his feelings aside, but we see the way he still looks at you. I don’t think that’s changed. So maybe studying together will bring that back. You said there was something there when you kissed him, right?"

"I think so," she said. She hoped so, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone.

"Then talk to him tomorrow. First thing. If I know James, he'll be stewing over it until you do."

"What do I say?" she asked, suddenly panicking. It was the reason she had come up there to think, and she hadn’t even considered how she would approach him. She only knew she needed to be the one to talk to him first, because she was the one who had started…something.

"Do you like him?" Remus asked, standing to leave. She nodded. "Then just tell him that, and tell him why—you know, how things have changed. Talk to him about Transfiguration later. If you just ask him about tutoring you, he might get the wrong idea.�

Lily stood with him, ready to head back to her dorm and think some more about how she was going to work things out with James. "And the Patronus Charm?" she asked.

"We can work on that Tuesday after class if you want," he offered.

"Thank you," she said. "You're a good friend, you know?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "I was snogging his date; it only seems right I should get him a new one, doesn't it?"

She playfully punched his arm as they headed back toward Gryffindor Tower. Lily only hoped she could find the same courage to talk to James in the morning as she had found in the corridor that afternoon.

* * *

Chapter 3

“What’s up with you?� Sirius asked the next morning as James sat in the Great Hall, moodily picking at his breakfast. “We didn’t see you last night, and now you’re about as lively as a kelpie stuck in a dry well. What gives?�

“Nothing,� James replied, with a shrug. He took a sip of juice, ignoring the rather knowing look that Remus gave him. He tried not to glance at the entranceway for the twentieth time that morning, but failed, and Sirius followed his gaze suspiciously as Remus grinned.

“Who are you looking for?� Sirius asked. “Julie? Is that where you were last night?�

Across the table, Remus sputtered as he choked on a muffin. “Er, about that…� he started.

“She ran off with Remus,� James told Sirius with a forced wink. “I guess she likes the scrappy, brooding type.�

Remus looked embarrassed as Sirius whooped. Peter joined them and asked what was so funny. “James lost his Ravenclaw to Remus!� Sirius crowed. James gave him an irritated look; it didn't bother him that much, but Sirius giving him a hard time would certainly drive him mad.

“Is that why you were out last night?� asked Peter, helping himself to breakfast. “We were looking for you for ages. Sirius ended up practicing Charms on some fifth-years when we couldn’t find you either of you.�

“No,� said James, idly wondering how the fifth-years had fared. “I’m fine with it. I’ve just got other things on my mind.�

“Can’t imagine what that might be,� said a voice behind him. He turned to see Lily Evans standing there, a slightly amused look on her face.

“Hi, Lily,� he stuttered, forgetting he usually called her Evans in public. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sirius frown; Peter mouthed “Lily?� to Remus, who was once again grinning like he knew something. James ignored them all.

“Just Head Boy stuff,� he continued nonchalantly, trying to regain his composure. He was not going to let anyone see how much she had affected him the previous day—especially her.

“Then maybe we should talk,� she said. James saw his Invisibility Cloak tucked into her robes, and apparently Sirius did too, for he sat up straighter, a big grin on his face as if he had just figured something out. James jumped up before his friends could say anything.

“Great, let’s go,� he said. Without thinking, he reached out to take her hand, but let his arm drop at the last second. The small move was not lost on Lily, who smiled; nor did Sirius miss it, either, for he snickered as they walked away.

“Have fun, Prongs!� he called. “Don’t stay out too late!� James rolled his eyes and cast a silent jinx at his friend, quieting him with a mouthful of bubbles. He grinned when he heard Sirius cough.

“I still don’t understand why he calls you that,� Lily said as they left the Great Hall.

“Just a nickname.� James shrugged; she had asked him about it before, but he obviously wasn’t going to explain the true meaning behind it. “So, anywhere in particular you’d like to yell at me?� he asked.

She looked at him curiously. “I’m not going to yell,� she said.

“That’s a first,� he murmured.

“Don’t be such a prat,� she replied, but there was no real rancor in her voice. He glanced sideways at her, slightly surprised at how well she looked after the previous day. Her hair was tied back in a long ponytail, and her eyes were clear and deep green. She did not appear angry or upset, and for the first time since she had kissed him in the corridor, he thought that things might actually work out between them. He hoped they would; he had hardly slept all night as his mind had gone over and over what had happened the previous day.

They finally arrived at an empty classroom. Lily closed the door behind them, and James leaned against the empty desk at the front, trying to appear casual even though his heart was pounding. He gave her a questioning look, but she did not meet his gaze. She took out the cloak and handed it back to him.

“Thank you,� she said. “I appreciate your help yesterday.�

James was not sure what to say that wouldn’t get him hollered at, especially since he didn’t think he had helped her all that much, so he simply said, “You’re welcome.� He waited for her to continue, but she was silent for a long time.

“Waiting for me to blow up, are you?� she finally asked. When he grinned and nodded, she shook her head. “Merlin, what a horrible reputation I have!� she exclaimed.

“It’s not your reputation,� he replied in a teasing tone of voice. “It’s just the expectation. I’m expecting you to blow up…because you usually do.�

“Well, not this time,� she said, beginning to pace in front of him. “Things change.�

“You do remember what happened yesterday, don’t you?� he asked, curious to know just how much she recalled about their encounter in the corridor.

“Of course I do.� She waved her hand dismissively. “I didn’t actually have that much to drink, just a bit of Firewhisky. I remember everything.�

“Okay,� said James, not sure what that meant. She stopped pacing, standing in front of him and gazing into his eyes with a look he couldn’t read. Much like the yesterday, he wasn’t sure if she was going to slap him or kiss him again. “So you—“

“—knew what I was doing,� she finished. “Just like I do now.� She leaned forward and kissed him, sending shivers all the way down his spine to his toes. Though he was surprised, he closed his eyes and relaxed, relishing the soft feel of her lips against his. Unlike the previous day, this kiss was tender and sweet, a bit more like what he had imagined their first kiss might be.

Lily was the one the end the kiss this time. “Mmm,� she murmured. “You’re good.�

“I’m also confused,� he admitted, because he was. He did not want to assume anything and ruin something he didn’t quite understand yet. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or just keep assaulting me in random parts of the castle?�

Her eyes flashed, so he stopped her retort with another kiss, pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. When they finished, she laid her head on his shoulder, and he stroked the back of her neck as he embraced her, unable to believe what was happening.

“Oh, James,� she said, sounding confused.

“You hardly ever call me that,� he joked, though he was genuinely glad. He loved the way it sounded to hear his real name. “Usually it’s just Potter, or prat, or even toerag.�

She giggled and looked up into his eyes. “Well, you usually are,� she pointed out.

“A prat? I know,� he replied. It was the truth: he liked to goad her, though he did so less and less now. “But not today, apparently.�

“Not lately,� she answered thoughtfully. “Isn’t it amazing how things can change?�

“That’s the second time you’ve said that. You mean like us?�

“Yes,� she said. “Both of us. I really couldn’t believe it when you were made Head Boy, you know.�

“I know,� James replied dryly. “Nor did Sirius, Remus, Peter, or even my parents. You all let me know quite clearly.� It had been a little disheartening after a while to hear one skeptical reaction after another; perhaps that had been another reason he had taken his duty so seriously and focused more on school and less on play this year.

“I certainly did, didn’t I?� she said, a sheepish smile on her face. “I’m sorry. You really rose to the occasion.�

“Thanks. So that’s why you like me now? Because I defied your expectations?� he asked playfully.

“Who said I like you now?� she countered.

He surprised her with a kiss that made her gasp. Starting to feel more confident, he pulled back and grinned. “That did.�

He watched her wrestle with indignation before she burst out laughing. “Touché,� she replied wryly.

“So what about you?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Have you changed?�

Lily frowned, her good mood darkening slightly. “I guess so,� she said. “You’ve risen to the challenge of Head Boy, but I don't think I have. It’s been hard.� She shrugged as if she did not really want to talk about it.

“So you decided to slum it with me yesterday to feel better?� He didn’t mean to sound bitter, but he did not want to be her one-night stand, either. He wanted to know that there was something real between them, that he was more than good time when she was feeling down. He certainly felt a connection every time they kissed; did she, or was she just using him?

“Of course not!" she exclaimed. “I would have gone to Sirius for that.� She winked; he wanted to defend his friend, yet he couldn’t help but agree, and they shared a laugh. It still did not answer his question, however.

“Lily,� he finally said. “What's going on—here, with us?�

She was quiet for so long that he began to wonder if she was trying to think of the best way to let him down. Perhaps he shouldn’t have asked; maybe he had pushed her too fast. Finally, she simply said, “I’m not sure. It’s confusing.�

James was frustrated. There was clearly something she wasn’t telling him, and he was starting to think she never would. The feeling of being slightly used by Julie Higgins to get to Remus was nothing compared to the feeling of being used by someone he actually cared about. His encounter with Lily yesterday had released all his pent-up feelings for her, and they boiled over with disappointment as he watched his ill-used hopes vanish with her silence.

“Fine,� he said with a shrug, forcing himself to stand up. “Owl me when you figure it out.� He knew he should be patient, but for some reason he felt like she was playing him. She had always been up front with him; she had certainly never minced words during any of her countless rejections of him in the past, and had never hesitated to throw cringe-worthy insults during a fight. Why was she suddenly so tongue-tied? Did she really like him, or was it just a game?

“No!� she exclaimed. “Wait! I’m failing Transfiguration.�

He stopped and stared at her in confusion. “What?�

“Transfiguration. I’m failing,� she repeated, and he saw that she was flushed with embarrassment. “Since Christmas.�

He put the pieces together immediately. “And you want my help?� he asked. He didn’t bother to hide his irritation.

“Yes, but—“ she started.

“You thought that the only way I’d help you was if you snogged me.� Her wide-eyed look of panic answered for her; he shook his head in bitter disgust and walked away.

“Thanks for giving me credit, Evans,� he tossed over his shoulder. “And here I was, believing all that stuff you said about how things change. You’re the one who’s changed, Evans. You’re a big fraud.�

“I’m not,� she protested. “That’s not why I—“

“Forget it,� he snapped. “Find someone else to kiss up to for a better grade. I’m not your bloody house elf.�

He left the room, his hands balled into fists at his side. He ignored the sound of her muffled sobs, determined to bury his feelings for her once and for all. She had been using him, after all, and he would have to forget what had happened in the corridor as nothing more than the sham it had been.

* * *

Chapter Four

The next day, it was as if nothing had happened at all. The warm kisses and embraces they had shared over the weekend were forgotten, and everything went back to the way it had been. Nothing had changed, it seemed.

James looked up when Lily entered the Great Hall for breakfast on Monday morning, and though his face initially hardened, it soon relaxed into a small smile, as if he really wanted to be mad at her but couldn’t. She certainly understood the feeling after years of similar sentiments.

She smiled back, wondering if James was feeling the same as she was inside: confused, embarrassed, uncertain. Stealing glances down the table, she thought he seemed slightly distracted. His friends were teasing him about something, but he just kept shrugging them off. Her own friends were trying to get her attention, so she finally turned away and tried to act as if nothing were bothering her, even though she could hardly concentrate on anything they were saying.

Classes that day were fine, although Lily felt like James was watching her all through Transfiguration. She was supposed to turn Mary into a striped tabby, but had only managed to give her fluffy ears and a tail. Sneaking a sideways look at James, she saw that he had not only managed to turn Sirius into a perfect fluffy white rabbit, but had added a top hat and bowtie as well. She caught Remus’s eye before turning away, embarrassed.

The prefects’ meeting that night was short and to the point. Lily let James take the lead and just listened, too distracted by her thoughts to contribute much at all. She found herself staring at him several times, remembering their stolen kisses over the weekend, and had to shake herself out of a reverie when he asked her about the upcoming Quidditch match that weekend and prefect assignments. She went to bed emotionally exhausted.

Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day was a disaster. Almost half the class could conjure a corporeal Patronus now, including Remus and James, though with so many silver animals leaping and flying about she couldn’t tell what they were. She was the only one who could not conjure anything at all, not even silver smoke, and she hurried from the room before anyone could say anything. Remus caught up with her and suggested they try again after dinner.

At least afternoon Potions went well: they were reviewing all their N.E.W.T. level potions and she somehow managed the best Veritaserum potion in class, which was ironic given her sudden inability to tell James the truth about her feelings for him. She earned ten points for Gryffindor from Slughorn, but still felt like a fraud, just as James had said. Severus Snape glared at her with the same combination of envy, desire, and hurt he often stared at her with now, but she had learned to ignore it. He had been her best friend once, but he had chosen his Slytherin friends over her long ago.

Lily met Remus outside the common room after dinner. As they made their way toward the empty Transfiguration classroom, she started telling him about her failed conversation with James on Sunday. He didn’t seem surprised.

“You mean, he talked to you about it?� she asked, slightly mortified. Of course, she had talked to Mary, so why wouldn’t James tell his friends?

Remus shook his head, though. “No, but I know what happened on Saturday and, considering you two have barely spoken since then, not to mention James has been a complete mope, I assumed things didn’t go well. What happened?�

She told him how hard it had been to talk to James, to explain how things had changed between them and confess how she much she really liked him. She told Remus how she had tripped all over her words and ended up blurting out her failing grade in Transfiguration instead, and how James had immediately assumed the worst. Remus shook his head.

“I’m not surprised,� he said. “I did warn you. He probably thought you were using him to get better marks.�

She nodded, impressed with Remus’s keen understanding of his friend. “What do I do now?� she asked.

“Well, I don’t think he’s that angry, or he’d be taking it out on us. He likes you too much.� Remus shrugged as they entered the Transfiguration classroom. “Give it a few days and try again. Or maybe he’ll bring it up first. He hates leaving things unresolved.�

The thought cheered her somewhat, and she set to work trying to perfect her Patronus Charm with a more positive attitude. Yet, after several unsuccessful attempts to produce even the smallest puff of silver mist, she was starting to lose hope. Remus suggested they take a break.

“Why can’t I get it?� she asked, head in her hands as she sat at an empty desk.

“You’re not the only one,� he reminded her. “A lot of people are still working on getting a corporeal Patronus. It’s really advanced magic.�

“But I can’t even get a tiny wisp!� she exclaimed.

“I’d think you’re so worried about it now that it's getting in the way of any happy thoughts.� Remus paused. “You need something strong enough to cut through.�

“Like what?� she asked. He thought about it before his eyes lit up with an idea.

“Stand up,� he ordered. “Close your eyes and raise your wand.�

She did as she was told and felt Remus standing slightly behind her. He was very close and spoke softly in her ear.

“It’s Saturday. It’s snowing. You’re walking back to the castle with James Potter.� Remus paused and coughed, as if he were embarrassed. “He’s close. You kiss him. How do you feel?�

Lily smiled to herself as the memory sent a tingle down her spine. “Quite nice,� she murmured, almost dreamily.

“Try it now,� Remus whispered, stepping back.

Without opening her eyes, Lily cast the spell. “Expecto Patronum!� she cried, and she felt something burst from her wand.

A silver mist floated about the room. It was still a shapeless cloud, but it was large and it was actually there in front of her for the first time. Lily felt a surge of adrenaline rush thru her: she had finally done it! After struggling to find the right memory, Remus had found it for her.

“I think you need to talk to James again,� said Remus softly.

Lily turned and threw her arms around him. “Yes, I do,� she replied with a grin. “And I will.�

* * *

Unfortunately, that proved to be more difficult than she thought. Wednesday passed in a blur of classes. She tried to approach James after Charms, but Sirius dragged him off to talk to a group of sixth-year Gryffindor girls instead. She tried again after dinner; he seemed genuinely glad to see her, but had Quidditch practice for the match that weekend. She spent the night with her friends instead, trying to concentrate on her Ancient Runes essay and failing miserably. She finally fell into a restless sleep and dreamed of shapeless silver animals bounding around the dormitory.

Thursday morning dawned bright and cold; it had snowed overnight and the castle grounds were white with fresh snow. Lily hurried toward the Great Hall, hands tucked into her robes to keep warm. She had accidentally slept in, and was trying to catch up to Mary when she heard James’s voice behind her.

“Lily! Wait up!� he called. He heart skipped a beat as he came up beside her and smiled. “How’s it going?� he asked casually.

“Much better now,� she replied, before she could stop herself. James raised his eyebrows.

“Glad to hear it,� he replied with a grin. She returned his smile as they continued toward the Great Hall together. She felt strangely tongue-tied; how did she start a conversation with him after she had messed up not once, but twice? She still didn't know what to say, because a small part of her still wasn't sure what she wanted, exactly.

"Look," he finally said, adjusting his glasses as he glanced sideways at her. "I'm sorry about the other day, about leaving so abruptly."

She turned to him in surprise; she had never expected him to apologize when it was all her fault. Before she could protest, he continued.

"I probably overreacted," he said with a shrug. "I just want—" He stopped and shook his head. "I just don't want to think that whatever happened between us happened for the wrong reasons." He paused and looked intently at her, and she was startled by the look of unembarrassed emotion on his face. "Did it?"

Lily blew out her breath and shook her head. "No," she said softly, feeling like a complete prat. "No, it didn't. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I was horrible—"

He bumped her with his shoulder. "I thought you were pretty good, actually."

She flushed, even more embarrassed. She wanted to throw some kind of insult back at him, but couldn't find it within herself after all they had been through. The thought of losing that aspect of their relationship—the banter, even the fighting—suddenly bothered her as much as anything else. Their frequent antagonism might have driven her mad at times, but it was also something she knew she would miss. It was familiar, safe, and even a bit fun at times. She hoped that whatever their relationship evolved into, hopefully they could recapture that old spark.

"Sorry," he said, obviously noticing the mortified expression on her face. "Look, we still need to talk, and…and I'd be happy to help you with Transfiguration. I don't mind being turned into a wild animal." He grinned and winked, as if he were sharing a private joke.

"Really?" Lily asked, astounded. Remus had been right: James had come to her first, and he once again had the upper hand, it seemed.

James shrugged again as they neared the Great Hall. "Remus told me you guys talked and that he suggested you ask me about Transfiguration. I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion about it."

She wanted to throw her arms around his neck, but they had reached the Great Hall, and she was suddenly conscious of an entire table of Gryffindors watching them enter together. "It's okay," she said. "I messed it up. So when can we meet?"

"How about tonight?" he suggested.

"Perfect," she said, smiling. He smiled back at her, and they gazed at each other rather awkwardly.

"Well, thanks, James," she finally said, making sure to use his first name.

His face lit up, and he sketched a pretend bow that almost made her laugh. "You're welcome," he replied. He started to move toward one end of the table, and she went toward the other end. He turned before he had gone too far. "And Lily—I'd still like an answer to my question, okay?"

She nodded, knowing the answer, but wondering how she would tell him without messing up this time.

***

A silver haze clouded the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Most of the students had practiced and were able to produce a corporeal Patronus now. The air was filled with animals of every shape and size: a raven, a stag, a wolf, a cat, several different kinds of birds, and even a large polar bear. Lily still struggled as Professor Brookstanton stood beside her, coaching her much like Remus had the other night. Her first try, however, had produced absolutely nothing, and Lily was quickly feeling the pressure as a serpent slithered by her right shoulder.

She raised her wand to try again, trying to keep her hand from shaking. It had never bothered her before, casting spells and mixing potions in front of others, but then she had almost always been at the top of the class in most of her subjects. She had been the first to banish a Boggart her third year, had beaten Severus in Potions for a bottle of Felix Felicis during sixth year, and was one of the only seventh-years who could do a Disillusionment Charm for Professor Flitwick.

This was different. For some reason, and for all her magical talent, this one eluded her, and she hated that. She didn’t want anyone to see her fail, least of all James. Thinking of him, she took a deep breath and cast the spell; a thin silver mist spilled from her wand, hanging in the air like a small cloud. Yet it was even less than the one she had produced with Remus the night before, and she bit her lip to keep from crying.

“Good try, Miss Evans,� said Professor Brookstanton. “Give it one more try, and see if you can’t make it a bit more substantial.�

She couldn’t help it: she glanced at Remus, even though she knew perfectly well he was standing next to James. Remus smiled and said something to encourage her, but she didn’t hear it. All she saw was James, his wand raised as his own Patronus flew somewhere around the room. He looked at her with complete faith. “You can do it,� he whispered. Her mouth fell open a little, and he smiled and nodded, encouraging her with his eyes. “I know you can,� he mouthed.

The feeling exploded inside of her: it was even stronger than when she had kissed him, it was more, much more. She cried, “Expecto Patronum!� and staggered as a large shape erupted from her wand. The class gasped. It was a beautiful silver doe, and it joyfully bounded around the room. To her shock, it floated right over to James and bowed its head before dissolving into a cloud of silver sparkles.

“Shit,� said James. He looked completely gobsmacked. Remus’s eyes were round as saucers; even Sirius was speechless. Severus appeared both dumbfounded and livid. The class was dead silent for a long moment and then broke out in raucous applause as the various Patronuses dissolved into vapour. One large silver animal went running out the door, and Lily saw James’s eyes widen as he started to go after it.

“Okay, okay!� called Professor Brookstanton. “That’s enough. Five points from Gryffindor for the language, Mr. Potter. I would expect our Head Boy to set a better example—and keep better control of your wand. Go round up your Patronus.�

“Sorry, Professor,� James mumbled. Lily tried to catch his eye, but he wouldn’t look at her as he gathered his things and quickly left the room. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances and whispered to each other.

Lily waited an excruciating five minutes as Professor Brookstanton concluded the lesson and assigned their work for the following week. As soon as class was dismissed, she hurried to catch up with Remus, desperate to understand what had just happened.

“Hey!� she called as Sirius and Remus practically ran out ahead of her. “Remus, wait!�

He stopped and turned, then nodded at Sirius to go on. Lily frowned at him. “What’s going on? What did I do?�

“You conjured quite a Patronus,� he replied dryly.

“Thanks to you. But what’s the big deal? Why did James run out like that? What’s going on?� she repeated.

Remus sighed. “Lily, you do know what was James’s Patronus is, right?�

She didn’t; the room had been so full of silver animals for the last few weeks she had not paid much attention to which animal went with each student. “No, why? I know it ran out. Did he lose control?�

“He did,� Remus replied. “Probably because his Patronus is a stag.�

Lily felt her heart skip a beat for the second time that day. “What?� she whispered. “A stag? But what does that mean?�

“I have no idea,� he replied. “I expect it means something important, though.�

It did: it meant she had given him her answer without having to say it.

* * *

Chapter Five

James hurried from the classroom, ignoring the whispers and giggles as he chased after his silver stag. The entire class had just seen Lily’s Patronus—her very first one—walk right up to him and bow. Did they realize his Patronus was a stag? Did Lily? Did she understand what had just happened? More importantly, did he?

He found his Patronus not far down the hallway, butting its head against the portrait of Sir Cadogan, who was shouting, “Begone, foul beast, before I slay thee!� The knight was slashing his sword through the air as if he might actually hit the ethereal creature assaulting the portrait frame.

James waved his wand, and the silver stag disappeared. He took a deep breath and blew it out as he ran his hand through his hair. The scene in class replayed itself over in his mind: the look on Lily's face when she glanced his way; smiling at her, silently willing her to succeed; the stunning doe that had burst from her wand and galloped around the room, coming to a stop directly in front of him. He wondered what it might imply, afraid to hope that it meant what he thought.

"Expecto Patronum," he whispered to himself. The stag poured from his wand once more, but he controlled it this time, keeping it floating in front of him. He reached out toward it as if he could stroke its back.

"What a week," he said softly. "Did you see it? What do you think?"

The silver stag did not answer, of course, and with a sigh, James let his Patronus shimmer out of existence. He began to head back toward Gryffindor, then suddenly whirled around with his wand raised when he heard footsteps behind him. It was Sirius, and he looked like he was fit to burst.

“Well, Prongs,� he drawled. “That was exciting. Want to fill me in on what’s going on with Evans?�

“That foul creature attempted to deframe my portrait!� cried Sir Cadogan before James could answer. “It—�

Sirius waved his wand and silenced the poor knight. “Quiet, metalmouth. I wasn’t talking to you.�

“I’d be interested in the answer myself,� sneered a second voice behind them. Severus Snape stepped out from the shadows of the doorway. His dark hair hung lankly to his shoulders, and his black eyes glittered over his hooked nose. He looked suspicious and annoyed, as if what had happened in Defense Against the Dark Arts had been a personal insult. He was the last person in the castle James wanted to see at that moment.

“Sod off, Snivellus,� Sirius snapped. “This is a private conversation.�

“Not in the middle of the corridor, it isn’t,� Snape replied evenly.

“It’s none of your business, Snape!� James retorted, clenching his hands to keep from cursing the Slytherin. He was Head Boy now and could not afford to jinx someone every time they bothered him. He had to be responsible, and, so far, he had been successful; he had somehow managed to avoid any major confrontations with Snape all year.

“It is, if the Head Boy is cheating in class,� Snape said. “I saw you help her. And then look at her Patronus—a doe.� His voice dripped sarcasm. “How flawlessly paired to your perfect stag.�

“I didn’t help her,� snapped James. “I just encouraged her. She cast the spell all on her own.�

“Besides, why would James do it for her?� asked Sirius, frowning. “What’s he got to gain casting someone else's spell?� James wished Sirius hadn’t asked, because he knew exactly what Snape was going to say before he said it; it was what he was worried about everyone thinking.

“Use your brains and your balls for once, Black!� Snape said nastily. “Potter’s been after her for years. Helping her master such a difficult spell only increases his chances of going out with her, doesn’t it? And giving her a doe to match his stag might even convince her that it was all meant to be—est in fatis.� He said the last in a mocking voice, his face distorted by an ugly sneer.

James felt his face flush with anger. He hadn’t considered the second part. Was that what others would think? That he had somehow given Lily a doe to his stag in order to convince her to go out with him? The thought of it twisted his stomach, and he suddenly found himself face to face with Snape, ready to fight. He knew what really rankled Snape, and he was ready to take out his own fears on the slimy Slytherin, consequences be damned.

“And that’s what’s really bothering you, isn’t it? The thought that maybe we could be meant for each other? That maybe she might go out with me?� He was rewarded when he saw Snape’s eyes narrow dangerously.

“She hates your guts, Potter,� he sneered. “She always has.�

“She’s not your friend anymore—how would you know?� James snapped. Hearing it from Snape hurt more than he thought it would. He didn’t believe it was true, not after what happened in the corridor, but the smallest sliver of doubt remained. She hadn’t been able to answer him when he had asked her what was going on between them, and they hadn’t talked about it all week. What if she really was using him, playing him for a grade? What if the doe meant nothing?

“Some things never change,� Snape hissed, his face twisted by hate. “And Lily Evans falling for an arrogant prick like you is one of them.�

“I guess that’s why she snogged me in the hallway last weekend, then,� James replied before he could stop himself. He heard Sirius snort behind him and wanted to kick himself for revealing something so private; Lily would hate him for sure now.

“Liar!� Snape shouted.

“Jealous?� taunted James, throwing caution to the wind now that he had already blown it once. “I know you’ve always wanted her. Everyone knows it.�

“James,� Sirius warned, coming up beside him.

“What?� he snapped, ignoring the unspoken advice. “It’s true. He’s jealous that she didn’t choose him. Well, she didn’t choose him because he’s just a bloody tosser!�

Snape sucked in a breath and James knew it was coming: some sort of silent spell. He raised his wand and threw up a Shield Charm just as it hit, deflecting a jet of yellow light into the wall. He threw back a Stinging Hex, but Snape was just as quick, and it went out a nearby window.

Sirius cast a Jelly-Legs Jinx; Snape staggered slightly as he tried to keep his balance. James turned to Sirius and growled, “Stay out of it! He’s mine this time!� Sirius held up his hands and backed off; unfortunately, the momentary distraction allowed Snape to gain the upper hand. He Stunned Sirius, sending him backward against the cold stone of the corridor to land in an undignified heap on the floor.

“Arsehole!� James shouted. He didn’t hold back. He threw curse after curse at Snape, who hurled them back with equal abandon. It was a fight that had been long coming; they had not had a go at each other all year, and their emotions were high as they both fought for something close to their heart: Lily Evans.

James felt his energy draining as Snape began to throw darker and darker curses at him. He swore, determined not to lose this battle. He forgot he was Head Boy, forgot he was in school, forgot he had his family’s name to uphold. He even forgot about Lily and what she would think of him when it was all over: he just wanted to beat Snape, once and for all.

“Diffindo!� he cried, and a long, ugly gash appeared on Snape’s right leg. Before he could cast a second spell and take him down, Snape had shouted his own curse.

“Sectumsempra!� he shouted. James felt an excruciating pain across his face and neck. The memory of something similar cutting his cheek during fifth year briefly crossed his mind. His hand rose involuntarily to hold in the blood that coursed down his face as he stared wide-eyed at Snape, unable to believe what had just happened. He felt his hand grow warm and sticky, and his vision began to blur. He barely saw Sirius jump up beside him and cast a Stunning Spell at Snape, finishing the duel for him.

He vaguely recalled Professor Brookstanton running up as Sirius caught him before he collapsed. He saw a very fuzzy Professor McGonagall behind them and murmured, “I’m sorry,� as he lost consciousness.

* * *

Chapter Six

The common room was abuzz with the news when Lily returned after lunch: James Potter had gotten into a fierce duel with Severus Snape after Defense Against the Dark Arts and was lying unconscious in the hospital wing, hideously scarred. The conversation seemed to stop when she stepped through the portrait hole, or perhaps she only imagined every other head turning toward her and whispering.

Were they blaming her? Why? Did it have something to do with what had happened during class? She was confused and worried; none of James’s friends had been in the Great Hall for lunch, and she hadn’t been able to confirm the rumors that were spreading like wildfire through the school. She had briefly considered asking Severus, but she had barely spoken to him all year, and he did not come to lunch, either.

As she made her way through the common room, Lily saw Remus and Peter coming in through the portrait hole and hurried over toward them. Remus looked like he wanted to avoid her; he was pale and seemed worried and distracted. Instead, Peter was the one who stopped and turned when she called them. He nodded to Remus, who climbed slowly upstairs toward their dormitory. Lily frowned. What was so bad that Remus couldn't talk to her? Or had he somehow been injured as well?

"Peter," she asked intently. "What happened? Is it true? Is James okay? Tell me what's going on!"

"Hi, Lily," he said, not quite meeting her eyes as he glanced up the stairway toward the dormitory. "He's okay. He's resting now. He just lost a lot of blood."

"What?" she exclaimed. "How?"

Peter's face darkened. "Snape," he said shortly. "Dark magic."

Lily stared at him in disbelief. "What? Here? At Hogwarts?"

"You knew he was into that stuff," Peter mumbled, his tone slightly critical. "I don't know why you're so surprised."

"We haven't been friends for two years!" Lily exclaimed, feeling unjustly accused of something she had no part of. "Why are you acting like I had something to do with it?"

"Because they were fighting over you," Peter said bluntly, looking into her face for the first time. His angry expression quickly softened, though, when he saw the look of shock in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I know it's not really your fault," he said.

"Tell me what happened, Peter," Lily demanded. She was angry and upset and didn't know whether to cry or scream. She listened as Peter told her how James had gone after his Patronus, how Snape had followed him, and how they had dueled in the corridor.

"Sirius got a nasty knock on the head, and then Snape sliced up James's neck with some Dark magic spell of his own. Professor Brookstanton had to pull it out of him so they could actually treat James. He lost a lot of blood, but apparently he'll be okay."

"Oh, my god," Lily whispered. "Can I see him?"

Peter shrugged. "He's still unconscious. Madam Pomfrey gave him a Blood Replenishing Potion, a sleeping draught, and tossed us out, so I doubt it. She said we could check back tomorrow, though."

"Is Remus okay?" Lily asked, glancing up toward the boys' dormitory. "And where's Sirius?"

"Sirius is sending the Potters an owl. And Remus is just upset about almost losing one of his best mates," Peter replied a bit archly. "Look, he told me about your Patronus."

Lily nodded as Peter leaned in closer. "I think James really likes you. Don't play him, okay? Especially now."

He gave her a small nod before he turned and left the common room. She stood there for a long time, unable to believe what had happened. She had finally produced a Patronus—and it had almost gotten James Potter killed.

* * *

It had been a long afternoon, trying to focus in class when her mind had been thinking of a dozen different things besides Potions. The evening was wearing just as long. Lily glanced around the common room yet again. None of James's friends had returned, and it was almost past curfew. They had left shortly after dinner with bags on their shoulders and a very unsubtle announcement about going to the library. Lily knew about the Invisibility Cloak, however, and knew perfectly well what they were doing: sneaking into the hospital wing to see James.

Slamming her Potions book shut, she stood and grabbed her bag, making a similar excuse to her friends. Mary raised her eyebrows and mouthed, "Be careful," as Lily left the common room. Apparently her motives were quite transparent.

"Bit late for the library, isn’t it, Miss Evans?" asked the Fat Lady as she hurried down the corridor.

"Never too late to study!" she called back. As soon as she turned the corner, she stashed her bag behind a tapestry and pulled out her wand. Glancing around to be sure no one was watching, she tapped her head and cast a Disillusionment Charm. It felt as if a can of worms was running down her body, and she shivered as the spell concealed her as well as an Invisibility Cloak. She didn't need it quite yet, especially since she was Head Girl, but for some reason she did not want to be seen heading toward the hospital wing, especially if she was not able to see James. Looking down, Lily saw only the castle corridor where her hand should have been.

"Helga's girdle, Potter," she murmured as she made her way toward the hospital wing. "Look what you've done to me, sneaking around like one of you lot." She would have laughed at herself if she had not been going to see someone who had been cursed near to death.

Lily entered the hospital wing quietly, making sure to shut the door very deliberately behind her. It was dark and silent. She carefully crept past two beds, its occupants already sleeping softly. She expected to find James asleep as well, but stopped short when she got to his cot.

He was propped up against several pillows, a large bandage covering the left side of his face and neck; his glasses were on the bedside table. He was pale and seemed dull and tired, except for the small smile on his face as he nibbled a Chocolate Frog. Sirius was sitting at the foot of the bed with Peter standing behind him. Remus sat beside the cot, arms crossed in front of him, still looking peaky and upset. They were talking, but Lily couldn't hear a word; they must have cast an Imperturbable Charm over their area.

She wanted to dispel the Disillusionment Charm and join them, but something stopped her. She wasn't sure how she would be received, for one. Remus had seemed upset after lunch, and Peter had almost blamed her for what had happened. She had never had a great relationship with Sirius, as he took little seriously and seemed to enjoy bothering her even more than James had.

She was also curious. Perhaps she might learn more about what had happened by listening just a bit. And then perhaps they would leave, and she could visit with James on her own. She wanted to talk to him about her Patronus, but not in front of all his friends.

As she moved closer into the curtained area around the cot, Lily was able to hear their conversation. She made sure she was on the opposite side of the bed from Remus. She knew from experience he had a good sense of his surroundings and didn't want him to catch her eavesdropping again. As she settled down on the floor next to the bed, she bumped against the table, and James frowned, glancing down right at her. She held her breath, irrationally hoping he wouldn't see her.

"Something down there, Prongs?" asked Sirius, handing him another Chocolate Frog.

"No," said James. "Probably just your big feet bouncing my bed around."

Remus snorted and motioned for a candy. Sirius tossed him one, close enough to James's head that he had to duck.

"Watch it, Padfoot!" he exclaimed. "I don't need another blow to the head."

Sirius winked. "Not yet, anyway. So finish the story. What happened after Snivellus Stunned me?"

Lily nodded to herself; apparently they hadn't been talking long if they were still gathering facts about the fight. She would get to hear the story for herself, then.

"We fought some more." James shrugged. "He's getting more and more brutal, you know. It wasn't like fighting him a year or two ago. He's changed."

"He's probably a Death Eater," Remus murmured darkly. Lily gasped, but no one noticed as Sirius let out a sharp bark of a laugh.

"That greasy tosser, a Death Eater? Give me a break."

Both James and Remus looked at him very seriously. Lily felt her breath catch at the thought of her childhood friend joining the ranks of Voldemort. He had chosen his gang of Slytherin friends over her years ago, but a small part of her had hoped he would turn away from Dark magic. It seemed her hopes were in vain, and she felt a slight pang of sadness knowing he was certainly lost to her forever now. Her thoughts were interrupted by Peter.

"How did it end, then?" asked Peter, leaning over to grab a chocolate from Sirius. Sirius batted his hand away, but Peter took one anyway.

"Hey, those are for James!"

"You tossed one to Remus," Peter pointed out.

"He asked, you didn't. Besides, he's got a hard weekend coming up."

"True, but there's enough to go around. You were saying, James?"

James grinned, but it quickly disappeared as he recounted what happened next. "I hit his leg with a Severing Charm, and he shouted something I'd never heard before. I'd felt it, though. I think he used it fifth year, out by the lake. Only then he didn't hit a major artery." He grimaced as his hand went to the bandages on his neck.

"How do you know it was Dark magic?" asked Peter. He sounded both curious and apprehensive.

"It just felt like it," James shrugged. "It didn't feel right."

"I expect not, when your face is getting sliced open," noted Sirius.

"Not like that," said James. "It felt…unclean. It was a powerful curse, too. I went down immediately. Sirius caught me just as Brookstanton came running over. I remember McGonagall showing up, too."

Sirius snorted. "You apologized to her, Prongs. Not sure what for, seeing as you were collapsing in shock."

James looked down at his hands and shrugged again. "I’m Head Boy. There’s a big match this weekend. I shouldn't have been fighting, even with Snape. I let her down. I let myself down."

"He deserved it, Padfoot," said Sirius, his eyes blazing. "He made some ridiculous accusations!"

"Like what?" asked Remus, leaning forward. He pushed his hair from his face, and Lily was surprised to see how tired he looked.

James leaned back against the pillows and sighed. "That I was cheating in class. That I conjured Evans's Patronus for her just so she would go out with me. That I gave her a doe so she'd think we were meant to be together."

Remus gave a low whistle as he sat back. Peter nudged Sirius to move over and joined him on the edge of the bed. "That's when you started fighting?" he asked, helping himself to another candy.

Sirius snorted. "He had a comeback of his own, first."

"Which was?"

He cleared his throat. "That he didn't need to do such a thing because she'd already snogged him in the corridor."

Lily couldn't help it: she gasped again. James had said that? To Snape? The thought of him bragging on their kiss infuriated her, even if it was to defend himself from baseless accusations.

Once more, her own sound was covered up by their conversation, though James did frown at her again, as if he were starting to suspect something. She backed away just a bit, even though she knew they couldn't see her. She also knew she shouldn't be listening, but now she couldn't help it: how would James defend himself?

"It just slipped out," James muttered. "He said she'd always hated me and always would. He said she'd never go out with me. I panicked." He sounded miserable, and even though Lily was still angry, she at least knew why he had said it. She would have to deal with the consequences—for it certainly wouldn't stay a secret now—as they came.

"Well, it definitely got to him," said Sirius. "So was it true, or did you make it up to goad him?"

James didn't answer, and Remus started looking intently at his hands. "You knew!" exclaimed Sirius, pointing at Remus.

"And you didn't tell us," Peter added accusingly.

"Wasn't my place to tell," replied Remus, holding up his hands in defense. "Ask him."

James had closed his eyes; he was obviously getting tired. "Ask me later," he murmured. "Tell me what happened after I passed out."

"What happened after he Stunned me?" Sirius countered.

James shrugged. "We tossed a bunch of spells back and forth. Like I said, I got him, he got me. Now tell me what happened after that."

Sirius took up the story again. "Oh, you should have seen Brookstanton have a go at Snape after he revived him. It was beautiful. Snape just about wet his pants giving up the counterspell to whatever he hit you with. McGonagall put you on a stretcher, and Brookstanton worked on you all the way back to the hospital wing. You scared us, mate."

James opened his eyes and smiled. "Thanks, Padfoot. Then what?"

"Not much else to say," Sirius replied. "These two showed up just as Pomfrey gave you the potion to replenish the blood you lost and a sleeping draught to let it work. She looked at my head and cleaned up Snape's leg, though she should have just let him rot as far as I'm concerned. McGonagall asked us a load of questions, and then they finally shooed us away."

James sighed wearily. "And the consequences?"

Sirius shook his head. "Pretty bad, Prongs. One week of detention, twenty points a piece, and a letter home. I sent your parents an owl so they wouldn't be too upset when they got McGonagall's letter."

"Ouch," said Peter, giving James a sympathetic look. "That's rough."

"Thanks for the owl," said James. "I'd rather they hear it from you first." They were all silent for a moment. Even Lily was a bit stunned by the consequences. No wonder Peter had gotten so angry and blamed her. In a way, it was her fault.

"You think you'll be out by tomorrow night?" Peter asked. Remus looked up, his eyes shadowed.

"I already feel better," James replied, yawning.

"You look like hell," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah, well, now you know what you look like every month." James smiled to soften his words, although Lily didn't understand what he was referring to. "I'll be okay tomorrow. Just tired."

"We should go then," said Remus, standing wearily. Peter joined him, but Sirius did not move. "Get some rest. You've got a match this weekend, too, you know."

"Don’t remind me,� James murmured, passing a hand over his eyes. “Wait, what about Evans? Does she know?"

Sirius looked confused at the question. Remus frowned. Peter was the one who answered. "Everyone knows. She asked about you in the common room, though. I told her you were hurt pretty bad, but that you were okay. She was upset."

A small smile crossed James's face. A part of her wanted to wipe it off immediately with a jinx, but another part of her wanted to throw off the charm and kiss him right there in front of his friends. She did neither and just continued listening.

"What's going on with her, James?" asked Sirius, lowering him voice in spite of the Imperturbable Charm still protecting their conversation from the rest of the hospital wing. "You really kiss her last weekend?"

James nodded.

"And?"

"It was amazing," he said, grinning. He looked a bit more like his normal self. Lily felt a shiver go down her spine; it had been amazing, even if she couldn't seem to settle things with him.

"So are you together now?" Sirius was frowning, like something bothered him.

"I don't know," said James. He sounded emotionally drained. "We tried to talk about it, but it didn't go very well, and we haven't had a chance since then. We were supposed to meet tonight. Now there's this whole thing that happened in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and I'm stuck here. I don't know," he repeated. "But I hope so."

"Finally," murmured Remus. Peter nodded in agreement, but Sirius was still frowning.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Sirius finally asked. He sounded hurt, and Lily was surprised at the depth of their friendship that such a thing would bother him. She was also surprised James had kept it to himself—at least, until he had revealed it to Snape.

James was quiet for a moment. "I guess I didn't want you giving me a hard time," he answered quietly. "I think this could be it."

"We always give you a hard time about Evans," Sirius grinned as he stood. "It's our job."

"Not lately," James pointed out, echoing the same words she had spoken to him just days earlier. "It's different now. Things change."

"How so?" asked Remus. Lily suspected he knew exactly what James was going to say before he said it. It was not, however, what she thought it would be.

"I think I'm in love with her," James said simply.

Lily jumped up, a small squeak escaping her lips before she clamped her hand over her mouth. She did not see his friends' reactions as she ran from the hospital wing, not caring whether or not anyone saw her. She had heard too much anyway.

* * *

Chapter Seven

James spent the entire next day in the hospital ward. He alternated between sleeping and bothering Madam Pomfrey to let him go back to Gryffindor Tower. She told him that the Blood Replenishing Potion would take at least twenty-four hours, and that she would think about releasing him to his dormitory after dinner.

He had a lot of time to contemplate everything that had happened all week, from walking Lily back to the castle, to her Patronus in Defense Against the Dark Arts, to his fight with Snape. He knew he should be catching up on his homework or planning for the match the following day, but he simply could not concentrate: he was too impatient to get out of bed and move on.

Thinking about Lily was confusing, seeing as they hadn't yet talked about what was going on between them. He couldn't imagine what she was thinking after Defense Against the Dark Arts and his fight with Snape. It would be even more difficult after his unexpected confession to his friends the previous night. He smiled to himself when he remembered the looks on their faces: surprise, confusion, and even resignation. Sure, they had all dated at Hogwarts, even Peter, but no one had ever mentioned that word before. He felt like he had grown up overnight, but, deep down, he knew it was true. Seeing her Patronus and fighting Snape over it had just confirmed something that had been building all year, and that he had just tried to ignore: he was definitely in love with Lily Evans. He just wasn't sure how to tell her.

Thinking about Snape made him angry. He had let the stupid tosspot get to him and goad him into a fight he should have known better to avoid. Even Sirius had tried to warn him, and Sirius rarely held back. James had never been able to ignore Snape, though. Snape had annoyed him since first year, and their antagonism had grown ever since. It wasn't just his conceited attitude; James knew perfectly well he was just as cocky at times. It wasn't Snape's grades, either; James was secure enough in his own ability that a better mark in Potions didn't bother him, especially when he had mastered the Animagus transformation by the time he was sixteen.

It wasn't even that Snape was in Slytherin. Rather, he was a Slytherin of the worst kind: he shared the house's pureblood prejudice, and even worse, he obviously followed in the Dark Lord's footsteps and studied Dark magic. That above all things disgusted James, and he was fervently glad that Lily had ended her friendship with the slimy git once she had realized where Snape's true allegiance lay.

Setting down his dinner fork, James gingerly touched his cheek, his hand sliding down the gruesome injury to his neck. Professor Brookstanton had saved his life after Snape had cursed him, and Madam Pomfrey had told him with a draught of dittany he should have only a faint scar. He felt the thin line running from just in front of his left ear down his neck, and hated that he would always associate Lily's Patronus in Defense Against the Dark Arts with what had happened in the corridor afterwards.

Finishing as much of his dinner as he could stomach, James finally pushed his tray away and called for Madam Pomfrey.

"Can I go now?" he asked after she had checked him over for the twentieth time that day.

"I suppose so," she sighed. "I'm not sure if I can handle two of you at once, anyway."

James grinned as he leapt out of bed and grabbed his robes. He still felt a bit tired, but was anxious to leave the hospital wing and finish the week. He had to talk to Lily before Remus's transformation that night.

"Remus gives you a hard time, then?" he asked jokingly as he ran his fingers through his hair in an attempt to comb it back into place. He felt stiff after so much time in bed.

Madam Pomfrey snorted. "He's the easiest of you lot," she stated. "Even with the most difficult burden," she added softly, her voice wistful. "Tell him I'll be waiting. Moonrise is a bit early this month."

James nodded. He certainly knew how difficult Remus's transformations were, and was constantly amazed at how well his friend handled himself. "Thanks, Madam Pomfrey," he said as he left. "I'll tell him."

"Stay out of trouble!" she called after him. "For at least a month, please!"

"I'll try!" he shouted back. He left the hospital wing and hurried through the corridors, ducking his head and avoiding several groups of students heading back to their Houses. He thought he heard some whispering and saw a few younger students pointing, but he ignored them. He did not want to deal with the fallout from his fight with Snape at that moment. It was already later than he thought, and he suspected he would not have much time to talk with Lily before he had to go to the Shrieking Shack with Sirius and Peter.

He was halfway to Gryffindor Tower when he ran into Thomas Kirke, the Gryffindor Keeper and Quidditch captain. He was a good player, and at any other time James would have been happy to stop and talk about the upcoming match against Ravenclaw. Normally he would have been looking forward to the game, but he was still tired and distracted, and Kirke was the last person James wanted to see.

"Potter!" he called before James had a chance to turn the other way. He sighed and waved. Kirke jogged over, a concerned look on his face.

"Glad to see Pomfrey let you out before the match," he said. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," James muttered. He glanced around, impatient to keep moving.

"You look a bit tired," Kirke pointed out.

"You would be, too, if you'd lost half your blood," James replied dryly.

"But you'll be playing tomorrow?" Kirke pressed, ignoring the sarcasm in James's voice. "Morris is ready to sub in, but we could really use you out there tomorrow."

James hesitated. He could back out right now. He could lie and tell Kirke that Madam Pomfrey hadn't cleared him to play, that he was still too weak, that he had too much to catch up with. Yet none of that was strictly true; he only wanted to be able to talk to Lily, and he knew he couldn't let his team down for that.

"I'll be there," he said. "I'll do my best."

Kirke clapped him on the shoulder. "Great. There's a team meeting in an hour. See you then."

James sighed again. He could not make the meeting, not if he wanted to find Lily before heading out with his friends for Remus's transformation. He felt bad lying, but he had little choice. "I'm sorry, I just can't be there. Can you fill me in tomorrow?"

Kirke frowned but nodded. "I guess that's okay. We'll go over everything again during warm-ups, anyway. See you in the morning. Get some sleep." He continued toward Gryffindor. James knew he should be heading the same way, but felt the sudden stifling need to disappear. There was suddenly too much going on, too much to think about, and he needed to block it all out or he thought he might explode.

Turning abruptly, James headed the other way. As soon as he rounded the corner, he took the Invisibility Cloak from the pocket in his robes and tossed it around his shoulders. Sirius had brought it last night just in case James had wanted to sneak out with them. He had been too tired, but was glad to have it now. He wasn't planning on sneaking around; he simply didn't want to run into any more people asking questions. He just wanted find Lily before he left with Sirius and Peter.

He took a different route to the common room, enjoying the anonymity, and stopped in front of the Fat Lady, debating whether or not he should take off his cloak. He decided to leave it on, since he didn't want to deal with the questions he'd certainly face as soon as he stepped into the common room.

"Bubotuber pus," he whispered.

"Who's there?" asked the Fat Lady, looking around with a frown. "Show yourself!"

James glanced down the corridor to be sure no one would see him, and then removed the cloak from his head. "It's just me," he whispered.

"James Potter!" she exclaimed. "What are you—"

"Shhh!" he hissed.

"What are you doing slinking around? Isn't it a bit early in the evening for that?"

"I just wanted to be let alone," James grumbled, slightly exasperated. He glanced around nervously, hoping no one would come by as he waited, half invisible, in the corridor.

"I heard about the fight," she continued, as if she didn't hear him. "Are you well? You still look a bit peaky."

"I'm fine!" said James. "Can I just go up to my dormitory and rest?"

"Of course, dear," she said, sounding sympathetic. "Rest up. There's a big match tomorrow."

"I know," James muttered, wishing people would stop reminding him. Slipping the Invisibility Cloak back over his head, he entered the common room as quietly as he could. Several Gryffindors turned toward him, but when they saw no one there, they went back to their homework and conversation.

He did not see Sirius, Peter, or Remus, but Lily was sitting in the corner with Mary Macdonald and Sandra Murphy, the new seventh-year prefect. She was frowning at the portrait hole, and James knew she must have figured out it was him. He hurried toward her, narrowly missing a fourth-year who came barreling down the stairway.

"Lily," he whispered in her ear. She must have been expecting him, because she barely blinked an eye. A simple nod acknowledged his presence.

"Meet me outside in the corridor," he whispered.

Lily stretched and closed the book she had been reading. "I need to do a quick round of the castle," she said. "I'll be back in a bit."

Sandra raised an eyebrow, and Mary smirked. "Sure you do," she said with a wink. "Just like last night. Have fun."

Lily gave her a withering look as she stood and left the common room. James followed her through the portrait hole.

"Out again tonight, Miss Evans?" asked the Fat Lady.

"Rounds," said Lily, without even glancing back. She hurried down the corridor and turned the corner.

"Of course. Be back by curfew this time!" called the Fat Lady. James saw Lily roll her eyes.

"Whatever." Lily stopped and looked around. "James? Are you here? You didn't bring me out here for a prank, did you?"

James threw off the cloak. "Of course not," he said. "I just wanted to talk to you without anyone bothering us. I'm sorry I missed you last night. I was sort of laid up in the hospital wing."

She was gazing at him with a funny look. "I know. I heard what happened." She reached out to touch his cheek. "You look better."

"Better than what?" he asked, slightly confused.

She let her hand fall. "Oh, just better than I imagined. Peter told me what Snape did. I'm glad you're okay."

"You are?" he asked teasingly.

"Of course I am," she replied. "It's practically my fault you were dueling him, after all."

James frowned, unsure how she had come to that conclusion. "It was my fault," he said, shaking his head. "I let him get to me."

"You couldn't help it," she replied. He gave her another questioning look, and she glanced away. "I mean, he bothers everyone, and you two have never got along. I imagine he was a complete git."

James nodded slowly, his suspicions roused. "He was. He said some pretty bad stuff."

"I'm sure he did," she said.

"The thing is," James continued, "I didn't even believe him, but it still made me so mad."

"What did he say?" she asked. James had the odd feeling she knew exactly what Snape had said, and he was starting to wonder exactly how.

"He said that you—" He broke off as he heard a large group of students returning to Gryffindor Tower. He quickly threw the Invisibility Cloak over them both as several fifth-years came bounding down the corridor, laughing loudly.

"What's wrong?" whispered Lily, sounding mildly annoyed. "Don’t you want to be seen with me?"

"No," he whispered back. "I mean, yes, but I just want some privacy."

"What for?" she asked. She was gazing up at him with a small smile on her lips, and he was reminded of their last encounter under the Invisibility Cloak. It was warm and her lips were so close that he almost couldn’t help himself: he leaned down and kissed her, pressing her against the wall as the cloak shielded them from any other students passing by.

At first, she did not respond. Yet she quickly gave in, and to his wonder, she eagerly returned the kiss, leaning into him with passion. Her arms slid around his neck and began to run up and down his back, sending shivers down his spine as he closed his eyes and lost himself in her lips, her mouth, her very being. She responded as if she, too, felt everything that he felt at that moment: joy, passion, love.

"For that?" he finally asked a bit breathlessly, pulling away with a grin.

Lily laughed, brushing the hair from her face. "We really should stop meeting like this, you know."

"Oh, I don’t know," he replied playfully. "I sort of like stealing around like this. Makes it a bit more dangerous, don’t you think?" He began to nuzzle her neck, and she gasped as she leaned her head back, soft sounds coming from her throat as she ran her hands through his hair.

"You are definitely dangerous, James Potter," she whispered, silencing him with another long kiss. It was several moments before either of them opened their eyes and spoke again.

"Shouldn’t we talk about this, though?" she finally asked, laying her head on his chest. "About Defense Against the Dark Arts? About last night?"

James stopped stroking her hair and looked down at her. "Last night? What?"

"In the hospital—" She stopped and bit her lip.

"You were there!" James exclaimed. She shook her head, eyes wide. "Yes, you were! The Fat Lady said you were going out again. You said I looked better. I thought I heard something last night. You were listening!" he accused. He stepped back, not sure whether he was more angry or embarrassed. Had she heard everything he had said to his friends?

"I didn't mean to," she said, looking away from him. "I just wanted to talk—"

"We cast a charm," he interrupted. "You could only hear us if you were close enough, which, clearly, you were. That sounds like spying."

Lily glared at him, green eyes glaring defensively. "I'm sorry, but I didn't mean to spy on you. I was just coming to see you, only you were surrounded by your friends. I was worried, you know."

James stared at her, unsure what to say to that. "What did you hear?" he asked instead.

"I heard enough," she said, sounding defiant. "And I want to talk about it." She glanced around. "But not here."

James took her hand. "Then let's figure this out," he said, pulling her down the corridor, determined to set things right once and for all. He hadn't gone two feet when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Hey, Prongs! I know you're out there!" It was Sirius. James froze. "And I know you're not alone."

James groaned and gave Lily an apologetic look. He couldn't tell if she was angry or mortified as he pulled the cloak off and turned to face Sirius and Peter.

"Hey, Padfoot," he said, trying to sound casual. He was still holding hands with Lily, and Sirius raised his eyebrows. Peter grinned and nodded in approval.

"Hello, Evans," Sirius said, tucking the Marauder's Map behind his back. James was surprised to see that his friend was actually somewhat uncomfortable. "Er, sorry to interrupt, but mind if we borrow James for a while?"

"Yes, Black," she replied dryly. "I do."

"I'm sure he's great at the snogging and all," Sirius replied, warming up to his usual dry wit, "but unfortunately he's got a prior commitment."

James watched in fascination as Lily crossed her arms and faced his best friend. "With who?" she asked archly. "His other girlfriend?"

"That would imply he already has one," said Sirius, affecting a thoughtful look. "Would that be you? He's been awfully mum about it."

"That's what we're trying to figure out, Black," she replied.

"It's bit cozy under that cloak for conversation." He winked, and Lily narrowed her eyes at him.

"What's so important that it can't wait until tomorrow, Black?" she asked point-blank.

"Can't say, Evans, but it's been on the books for months." He turned to James. "We've been looking for you for a while. It's almost time, you know. He'll be waiting for us."

James sighed. "I know." Lily looked at him askance, dropping his hand, and he knew it was coming: the blowup he had someone managed to avoid all week. He was about to make her really angry. "Give us a moment, will you?" he told Sirius.

"Of course," said Sirius. He grinned and bowed to Lily. "Evans." He hurried down the corridor with Peter, leaving them alone. James ran his hand through his hair; he couldn't tell Lily where he was actually going, but how could he make her understand how much be wanted to be with her instead?

"He's right. I really do have to go."

She raised an eyebrow, the only indication she was upset. "Of course you do."

"I don't want to, Lily. Not tonight."

"Then don't," she said, her voice flat.

He hesitated, just as he had with Kirke. It would be so easy to simply stay with her, to hold her and figure out the confusing jumble of emotions they kept throwing at each other with each meeting. Yet he had made a commitment to his friends. He could handle Sirius's anger and Peter's disappointment, but he could not let Remus down. He knew how bad his friend's transformations were, and how much worse it was when Remus was alone. He couldn't abandon his friend to that, to mindless animal scratching and biting. Not even for Lily.

"I have to," he repeated, forcing the words from his mouth and hating them. "I can't explain now, but I can't let them down. I can't let Remus down."

"So you'll let me down instead?" she asked, her voice dangerously close to real anger.

"I'm hoping you'll understand," he said. "It really is a matter of life and death." He was only exaggerating slightly, but still felt terrible for saying it at all, especially when she looked away, her lips shut tight as if she were biting back a terrible retort.

James took her hand, but she didn't respond to him, not this time. He felt like he was losing her already.

"Look, meet me in the common room in the morning. Please."

She shrugged. He thought he saw tears in her eyes and felt worse than ever. He leaned over to kiss her, but she turned her cheek, and his heart stopped in his chest.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, turning away. The last time he had walked away, he had been upset with her. This time she was angry with him, and he wondered if he would ever be able to convince her to give him yet another chance.

* * *

Chapter Eight

Lily watched James leave, furiously hating him and whatever he thought was more important than working things out with her at the moment. She didn't believe for a minute that he'd rather be with her, and she certainly couldn't think of anything that was a matter of life and death for him to be attending to with the likes of Sirius, Peter, and Remus.

Leaning against the wall, she angrily dashed the tears from her eyes. How dare he call her out of the common room just to abandon her there, alone? How could he have said he loved her the night before only to leave her now, alone and confused? She glanced the way he had gone, irrationally hoping he might come back. Yet she knew he wouldn't; he had obviously made his choice, and it wasn't her, in spite of everything that had happened.

Pushing herself off the wall, Lily took a deep breath and turned to head back toward the common room. Out the corner of her eye she noticed something lying on the floor; it looked like a piece of old parchment. She had seen Sirius tuck something behind his back; was this what they were so busy running for, then?

Grinning to herself, Lily picked up the parchment and opened it. It appeared to be a map of the castle, but to her amazement, there were hundreds of black dots moving across the parchment, each labeled with the name of a student. Her own name was in exactly the same place where she was standing, and she saw Mary and Sandra's names in the Gryffindor common room, right where she had left them.

"No way," she breathed, watching as several students approached her on the map. They appeared around the corner as she hid it behind her back. She pulled it out as they passed, and watched their black dots move away from hers.

"Yet another secret revealed," she murmured to herself. Not only did James and his friends sneak around under his cloak, but they had a map of the castle that could take them anywhere safely, away from prying eyes. No wonder they had such a reputation.

Folding up the parchment, Lily hurried back to Gryffindor and entered the common room, ignoring the Fat Lady's question about rounds. It was nearly curfew, and though students could stay up later in their own common area, Lily made excuses to her friends and hurried to her dormitory. They probably suspected something had gone wrong between her and James, and normally, she would have told them about it. Now, though, she only wanted to explore the map further.

She was glad the dorm was empty. Throwing herself on the bed, she drew the curtains and pulled out the map again. There she was, in her dormitory. It was truly an amazing bit of magic. She wondered how they had gotten hold of such a thing. It certainly couldn't be legal to have such a detailed insight into the castle and students.

She tried to find James, Sirius, or Peter, but they did not appear anywhere on the map. She frowned, wondering if they were hidden under the cloak. She remembered that Sirius had seen her and James, so apparently the map could see through cloaks. Surely they had not left the castle? She searched the grounds, but did not see any dots bearing their names, either.

Frustrated, Lily decided to get ready for bed and look over her Charms homework before checking the map again. She could hardly concentrate, however, and kept returning to the fascinating parchment. She heard the other girls come up, talking quietly. With her curtains pulled, they did not bother her, and she continued to stare alternately at the map and her Charms text. Her eyelids drooped several times.

Finally, she saw four dots appear next to the Whomping Willow: James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. She frowned, wondering what James had said about letting Remus down if he did not go out with them. Was that all it was, a chance for them to slip off the grounds at night, undetected? It certainly didn't seem as if life or death depended on whether James skipped a midnight run to Hogsmeade for once.

Suddenly curious, Lily decided to follow the map and find out for herself what they were up to. She threw her feet over the bed, determined to get dressed, but paused as they touched the floor. She had snuck around the previous night, and wondered if she should bother with it again. If James had chosen his friends over her, it was probably not worth compromising herself and getting in trouble to simply satisfy her curiosity.

Falling back against her pillows, Lily stared at the map, tears in her eyes. She didn't want to and knew she shouldn't, yet it nagged at her: she had the map, and she could clearly see the four of them out on the grounds by the Forbidden Forest. What were they doing that James had left her to go with them? She had to know.

She told herself that perhaps it was her duty as Head Girl to ensure their safety, and then rolled her eyes at her pathetic attempt to justify what she was about to do. In spite of her doubts, she stood and grabbed her clothes and a warm cloak from the foot of the bed. Mary heard her and sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Leaving again so soon?" she asked, yawning. "He's a bad influence on you, I think."

"I know," Lily muttered. "But he ditched me, and I want to know why. I'll be back soon."

Mary nodded sleepily as she snuggled back into her pillow. "Good luck, then. And would you finally settle this thing? It's exhausting, waiting up for you." Her voice drifted off even as she finished her sentence, and Lily couldn't help but smile. Mary had waited for her the previous night, and they had stayed up quite late talking. She was probably exceptionally tired, but Lily knew her friend would be fast asleep before she even left.

Checking the map as she headed downstairs, Lily was glad to see that the common room was empty. She still tip-toed to the portrait hole, where she paused. What was she going to tell the Fat Lady this time? She decided to make up a story about tracking down some students she'd seen out on the grounds. In many ways, it was true; it just had nothing to do with being Head Girl.

To her surprise, the Fat Lady did not question her, only nodded and closed her eyes again, much like Mary had done. Lily did not realize it was that late. She must have spent a long time staring at the map in her bed. As soon as she turned the corner, she cast the Disillusionment Charm, much as she had the previous night. She glanced down at the map and saw that she was still visible, her black dot stationary in the corridor. All the other students were in their own dormitories except for James and his friends. Filch, the caretaker who often prowled the castle at night, was in his own room, as were the professors. The castle was truly asleep.

Lily moved quietly through the corridors, occasionally checking the strange magical map to be sure she had not lost James. She stole out a side entrance, her heart pounding as she once again thought about what she was doing. She was Head Girl and out of the castle after hours. It was dark, it was snowing again, and she was magically concealed as if she had something to hide. It was even more irresponsible than her trip to Hogsmeade the previous weekend, and yet she couldn’t stop herself: she had to see what was so important that James would leave her and sneak out of the castle.

As she walked across the moonlit grounds, Lily noticed a large dog bounding through the snow near the edge of the forest. An even larger stag followed, joyfully leaping over the large drifts that had fallen from the branches. Lily had never seen any animals on the grounds before, and assumed they had come from the woods. Yet when she stopped and glanced down at the map, she saw James and Sirius’s name quite clearly, moving around the grounds in exactly the same place as the creatures in front of her. She frowned, confused. Were they under the Invisibility Cloak somewhere?

Taking a deep breath, Lily called out softly into the darkness, "James? Are you out there?" The stag stopped and turned. It had hazel eyes that were so familiar that she felt her heart skip a beat, though she couldn’t say why. She dropped her Disillusionment Charm and called out again. "James?"

The black dog turned and howled, then bounded away into the woods. The stag stared at her and seemed to hesitate, but then leapt away after the dog, withdrawing behind a thick tree. She glanced down and saw that Sirius had disappeared completely from the map, but James was still not far in front of her. Looking up, she saw him stepping out from in back of the same tree that the stag had just run behind.

"James?" she asked hesitantly, taking a step backwards as he walked toward her. Something about his sudden appearance alarmed her. He couldn’t Apparate on the grounds, and she hadn’t heard anything, anyway. Was it the cloak after all? Or was it something else?

"Yes," he replied quietly, glancing around as if he were afraid of being seen, or perhaps looking for something. "What are you doing out here, Lily? It’s not really safe, you know."

She just stared at him, speechless. He seemed tense and his hazel eyes were watching her warily. A part of her wanted to run away; yet another part of her was fascinated. Had she inadvertently stumbled upon one of those other secrets Remus had been referring to? Was this why James was top of Transfiguration? Was it even possible?

Lily silently held up the strange map. James’s eyes went wide. "How did you get that?" he asked. He clearly sounded rattled as he glanced nervously toward the Forbidden Forest and ran his hand through his hair.

"Sirius must have dropped it in the corridor before he left," she whispered. "Maybe I shouldn't have, but I wanted to know what you were doing out here that was so important you had to ditch me." She handed it to him, studying his face and telling herself it was really him, that he was human, and her imagination must be playing tricks on her.

"Thanks," he mumbled, avoiding her eyes as he folded the map and placed it in his pocket.

"Are you—"

"I have to—"

They stopped and stared at each other. "I’m sorry," Lily said. "I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go." She started to leave, biting her lip to keep the tears of disappointment back.

"Bollocks—no, wait!" he called, and he reached out to her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her close, and Lily thought for a fleeting moment that he was going to kiss her again. Instead, he threw his cloak over both of them and hurried her back toward the castle.

"What are you doing this time?" she whispered. "Where are we going?"

"I want to get you back to the castle safely," he replied, still holding her hand.

"What’s wrong?" she asked. "What’s so dangerous?"

He didn’t answer, but she was sure she saw him glance up at the sky. The moon was full, though wispy clouds deadened its milky glow and tossed filmy shadows across the snow. She heard a howl behind them and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Exactly what you think it was," he replied as he led her into the shadow of the castle entrance. He took off the cloak and shook his head. He looked both worried and upset. "Lily, I wish you hadn’t come out here tonight."

Lily was suddenly angry: it was one of the last things she would have expected him to say, and she certainly didn’t feel like she deserved to be reprimanded. "Then maybe you should have made the effort to actually talk to me before you ran off with your friends!" she snapped. "You grab me for a quick snog in the corridor before leaving me there alone, when I still don’t understand what happened in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and we still haven’t even talked about what happened last weekend!"

"I wanted to talk about it days ago, but you weren't ready!" James replied, frowning.

"I was confused," she said, stung by the comment, but ready to fight back. "And you didn’t even bother to take the time to try and understand that before you stomped off and got yourself put up in the hospital wing."

"Understand what, Lily?" he asked, his eyes wide with disbelief. "You just rambled on about how things have changed. And then showed up to spy on me in bed."

"I wasn't spying," she snapped, feeling defensive. "And things have changed. Certainly you can see that."

"Obviously!" he exclaimed. "Now we just have to figure out what the hell to do about it."

She opened her mouth a few times, unable to respond to his directness. "Do about it?" she finally repeated stupidly.

"Yes," he replied, staring at her intently. "What do we do about it, about us? What do we do about last weekend, about Defense Against the Dark Arts—about what you just saw?"

"What I just saw?" she repeated again; she seemed unable to speak for herself at the moment, now that they might actually settle things between them. "I don't know what I saw."

James threw up his hands in frustration. "Lily, I really have to go, but I don’t want to leave until we’ve worked this out."

The ultimatum once again stirred her anger. "What’s the rush, Potter?" she snapped, resorting to the old address in spite of everything they'd been through all week. It grounded her; she was familiar with it, she could handle it. "Where are you going? I know you disappear every month. I saw you looking at the moon. Are you a werewolf? Is that why I’m in danger?"

His jaw fell open, and he stared at her as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. In some ways, she couldn’t either; it was not something she had ever considered until the moment she said it. Yet she knew it wasn’t true, because that was not what she had seen earlier. If she really believed it, she would have been more frightened.

"Shit, Lily," he muttered. "You’re close, but not quite. I think you know what I am." He stared at her, as if daring her to admit it.

"Show me," she demanded, hoping it wasn’t true.

He moved her deeper into the shadows of the castle and glanced around to be sure no one was looking. Taking a deep breath, he tipped his head to her, and…changed.

It was fascinating and grotesque at the same time. His head elongated as his ears grew into fur tipped points and his nose into a cool black snout. Large antlers appeared as his arms lengthened and he dropped to all four legs. His back legs became thick and powerful, and a short tail swished behind him. Yet his eyes didn’t change: they remained the same deep hazel, and they stared at her with perfect recognition as he pawed at the snow in front of her.

"Merlin’s hairy ears," she whispered. "You’re an Animagus." She stepped backward, bumping into the rough stone of the castle. He quickly transformed back into James, into the man she thought she knew, and reached out toward her. She shook her head, dazed and even more unsure what to think.

"No one knows, Lily," he said, his eyes begging her to keep the secret. "We’d be expelled for sure."

"We?" she asked weakly. "So that dog…was that Sirius?"

He reluctantly nodded. "Peter too?" she asked. He nodded again. It was almost too much to process. "And Remus?"

James looked away at her last question. "That's not for me to say," he replied. She opened her mouth to retort, but he shook his head. "No, please don’t ask me," he repeated. "That's not my secret to share. I gave my word. I shouldn't have said so much already."

A long silence stretched between them. James glanced nervously back toward the grounds as another howl echoed across the snow.

"So you’re a stag," Lily finally said, trying to wrap her head around it and failing. She was having trouble reconciling the image of his animal form with the man she had just kissed hours ago.

"I’m still me," he said, for apparently the look on her face was one of revulsion. "Lily, you’ve studied the Animagus transformation, you know it’s not a disease or something. It’s just magic."

"Really, really advanced magic," she murmured, both shocked and impressed in spite of the implications. The Animagus transformation was something they had discussed in class, but never even attempted. It was a rare and dangerous type of magic, and she couldn't even begin to imagine how he had managed it on his own.

He shrugged. "It took us quite a while to figure it out."

She laughed nervously, still unable to believe it was even possible. "Why?" she asked. "So you could run around the forest every month?"

Another howl split the air. James looked pained. "No," he replied, looking down and kicking at the snow with his toe. "There’s much more to it than that, I promise, but I can’t tell you. And I have to go." He started to back away, and Lily felt like he was leaving her all over again.

"Wait!" she exclaimed. "You yell at me for not giving you any answers last weekend and now you do the same? And then leap off after your animal friends? How is that fair?"

He took her hand and looked deep into her eyes. "It’s not," he admitted. "But tonight it’s not about me, or us. There’s just something I have to do, for a friend." He sounded so sincere that Lily was finding it harder and harder to be mad at him. Another howl sounded in the forest and she felt him twitch. It was not that he simply wanted to get back to his friends; she sensed that he needed to, that when he had made the comment about it being life or death, he was only slightly exaggerating. Perhaps she was still in shock: she nodded, not knowing what else she could say without sounding selfish and petty.

To her surprise, he grinned and took her face in his hands, brushing away her hair as he had several times now. He traced the line of her lips before he leaned down to kiss her, short but hard, almost driving the breath from her with his ferocity. "I love you, Lily Evans," he whispered, and her heart stopped in her chest. But then he stepped back and tossed her the Invisibility Cloak. "Meet me in the common room before breakfast in the morning. Please."

She glanced down at the cloak. "Won’t you need this?" she asked instead of answering him.

"No, I can just use the map," he replied. He winked, and the mischievous gesture somehow made her feel better, like he was still himself after all. "I’ll see you in the morning."

Before she could say another word, he transformed into his Animagus form. She hesitantly reached out a hand toward him, and he let her rub his head, nuzzling her with his cervine snout. Then he turned and bounded across the snow, disappearing into the forest by the Whomping Willow.

Lily stood in the shadow of the castle for several moments. Suddenly something clicked inside, something she had been thinking but couldn’t articulate. Instead, she raised her wand, cast a spell, and watched as a silver doe bounded off after him. Even though she could cast a Disillusionment Charm, she threw the cloak around her shoulders, enjoying the feel of it.

Lily walked up to the castle entrance with a small smile on her face. She knew what the doe meant now, and she knew what was going on between them. As she stopped in the doorway to look back at the Forbidden Forest one last time, she even knew what to do about it all.

"I think I love you, too, James Potter."

* * *

Chapter Nine

The morning sun streamed through the windows, slowly creeping across the dormitory until James could not ignore the light shining through the curtains around his bed anymore. With a groan, he rolled over, flinging his arm across his face. He was so exhausted that he could hardly think straight. Hazy images floated across the back of his eyelids: the forest, the hospital wing, dueling Snape, pulling a large wolf off a big black dog, kissing Lily Evans in the corridor…

With a start, James sat up and grabbed his glasses. He was supposed to meet Lily in the common room in ten minutes. After everything that had happened, he couldn't be late; she'd never forgive him if she thought he had left her yet again.

Jumping out of bed, he washed up as quickly and as quietly as he could. Sirius and Peter, also exhausted after a night roaming the forest with Remus, slept soundly and did not even stir when he grabbed his robes and left the dormitory.

He hurried down to the common room, half expecting to find Lily waiting for him with an angry look on her face. A few students were up and around, but Lily was not among them. He decided to wait, hoping he had not missed her. Yet, when twenty minutes had gone by and she hadn't appeared, he began to worry. Had she already gone to the Great Hall, upset that he was late? Or was she deliberately standing him up, in return for all the times he had left her?

He couldn't blame her for either after all they had been through that week. And after meeting her on the grounds last night and showing her his Animagus form, he was worried that she would reject him completely and end whatever was going on between them before it had a chance to even start.

He decided to check the Great Hall, just to be sure he hadn't missed her in the common room. As he jogged through the portrait hole and down the corridor, the Fat Lady called after him, "You're up early for someone who was out so late!"

He ignored her.

A handful of students were already in the Great Hall when he arrived, including most of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. James skidded to a stop. He had completely forgotten about the match and had left all his equipment back in the dormitory. Thomas Kirke, however, had already seen him, and was motioning him over to sit with the team. James walked toward them, but did not sit down.

"You still look like hell, Potter," said Kirke, frowning. "Didn't you sleep last night? We need you in top form today."

"I'll be fine if you lay off me, Kirke," James snapped, glancing around the hall for Lily. He saw some of the other team members raise an eyebrow at his uncharacteristically irritable comment, but he did not care much at that moment. Lily wasn't anywhere to be seen, and his heart sank. He had to get back to Gryffindor; perhaps they had just missed each other, and she was still waiting for him there.

"Calm down, Potter," said Kirke, standing and putting his hand on his shoulder. He leaned in close so only James could hear him. "I'm not trying to piss you off; I'm just trying lead the team. This is an important match today."

James stared at him, suddenly feeling guilty for letting the team down. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just a bit distracted, that's all."

"How can we help you, James?" called Cynthia Morris, the other Chaser. She was a sixth-year with long blond hair and a bright smile. She was also one of the only girls who wouldn't give Sirius the time of day. James couldn't help but relax at her far more encouraging attitude toward him.

"Have you seen Lily this morning?" he asked her, ignoring a snort from Ryan Sloper, one of the Beaters.

"No, I'm sorry, James," she said. She looked sympathetic. She had probably heard the rumors about him and Lily by now, and, being a girl, could make a good guess as to what was going on. His other teammates would certainly not understand. "Check with Mary and Sandra, though. They were just stirring when I left."

James nodded, chiding himself for not thinking clearly. Of course that's what he should do: he needed to find Lily's friends, they would know where she was. He patted Kirke on the shoulder with as much false enthusiasm as he could muster. "I've got to get my stuff and go over some things with Evans. I'll meet you on the pitch for warm-ups." He turned before Kirke could protest.

"Don't forget to eat something, Potter!" Kirke called after him anyway.

"Yes, Mum," James muttered under his breath. Sometimes Kirke was as much a mother hen as he was a Quidditch captain.

James ran back to the common room, dodging the increasing number of students heading to the Great Hall for breakfast. He was relieved to find Mary and Sandra just coming down from the girls' dormitory. They were alone, however, and he felt his anxiety increase when he didn't see Lily anywhere in the room. They stopped and stared as he hurried up to them, as if they were expecting to see Lily with him. It was obvious they knew something was going on between him and Lily, and he felt suddenly uncomfortable asking them about Lily's whereabouts.

"Hi, Mary," he said. "Sandra," he added, nodding to the other girl. "Have you seen Lily this morning?"

They shared a puzzled look. "No," said Mary, frowning at him. "We were going to ask you the same thing."

"Huh?" he replied stupidly. "Why?"

"She didn't come back to her bed last night," said Sandra. "Or if she did, we didn't hear her, and she left long before we were up."

"I know she was sneaking out to meet you," Mary said pointedly. "She told me you ditched her again. So what happened?"

James was too stunned to answer immediately. Lily hadn't made it back to Gryffindor Tower. He was flooded with dread: had something happened out on the grounds? In the castle? Had she been caught? Or had she made it back safely and simply left before seeing anyone?

"James?" asked Sandra. "What's going on? Is she okay?"

James shook himself of dark thoughts. "Yes, she found me last night. We were out on the grounds, but I left her by the castle entrance."

"You left her?" asked Mary, her voice dangerously thin. "Outside, in the middle of the night? You didn't walk her back or anything?"

"I gave her my…" He trailed off, not wanting to reveal his secret. "I had to leave. I thought she'd be safe."

"Well," snapped Mary, "you apparently thought wrong, because she's missing. Nice job, Potter. Way to be a gentleman." She grabbed Sandra's arm and hurried away. "We'll find her. Just stay away if you're going to keep leaving her."

The words stung, and James simply stood there, gaping silently as they left the common room. He almost couldn't blame Mary for what she had said: how many times had he walked away from Lily now, just left her because he couldn't deal with the moment, or even worse, had somewhere else to be? He had thought he was doing what he had to do the previous night, when in reality he had told her without words that his friends were more important, even though he desperately wanted to put her first.

A number of other students were staring at him, and he bit back the impulse to snap and tell them to mind their own business. If the school wasn't talking about him and Lily after Defense Against the Dark Arts and his fight with Snape, they certainly would be talking now: the Head Girl was missing after the Head Boy had left her outside on the grounds after a middle of the night rendezvous.

Shaking himself out of a dazed reverie, James ran back up to his dormitory. He didn't care if his friends were sleeping, he needed their help. He flung open the curtains on the windows and shook Sirius awake. Peter heard the commotion and began to stir on his own.

"Wake up, Padfoot," James said. "Something's wrong."

"Yeah," muttered Sirius. "It's too damn early to be getting up now, that's what's wrong."

"No, I need your help," said James. "Lily's missing."

Sirius sat up, rolling his shoulders and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Evans?" he asked groggily. "What do you mean, she's missing?"

"I was supposed to meet her in the common room this morning, only she didn't show up," James said. Peter was sitting up now, listening intently. "She wasn't in the Great Hall, either, and Mary just told me Lily didn't come back last night."

"Didn't come back?" Sirius echoed with a big yawn. "You mean, after she followed you out to the grounds and I got this lovely scuff?" He rubbed his arm where Remus had scratched him while he had handled the wolf on his own during James's brief absence.

"Yes," James replied intently. "Something's happened. It's not like her to just wander off, stay out all night. Something's wrong," he repeated.

"Prongs," began Sirius, throwing his feet over the side of his bed, "it's not like her to kick back a few drinks, snog you in the hallway, and steal around the castle after you, but she's done all three this week thanks to you." He stretched. "Maybe she's on rounds or something."

James frowned as Sirius stood and began to get dressed. "No, the Ravenclaw prefects are on duty today. She would have come back. I know something's happened. You have to help me find her."

"Have you checked the map?" asked Peter from behind him. James blew out his breath; he hadn't even thought about using the map. He had got it back from Lily last night, but couldn't remember who had it for the walk back to Gryffindor from the Whomping Willow.

"Do you have it?" he asked as Peter stood and began to get ready. Peter shook his head and tossed a thumb toward Sirius.

"Merlin, Prongs, you didn't even think of the map before waking us?" Sirius groaned. He pulled the Marauder's Map from his robes and threw himself back down on the bed. "Can I go back to sleep if you find her?"

"No," said James, his heart beating furiously in his chest as he immediately found the small dot labeled 'Lily Evans'. "She's in the hospital wing with Remus."

* * *

Chapter Ten

Lily slowly entered the castle, glancing behind her one last time when she heard another howl from the Forbidden Forest. She wandered across the Entrance Hall toward the main staircase without really paying attention to where she was going. For some reason, she felt almost light-headed with giddy delight about her unplanned rendezvous with James on the grounds and could only think about meeting him for breakfast the next morning.

A part of her wondered where he was going and what was so important that he had risked becoming an Animagus for it. Yet, she felt like he was being as honest as he could with her, and that he wasn't doing anything…dangerous, anyway. It was certainly irresponsible, given that he was an unregistered Animagus running around the forest after hours, but she sensed that he was doing something important to him, not something that would hurt someone.

As she made her way up the main staircase, Lily heard voices and was suddenly filled with irrational dread at the thought of being caught out after curfew. She was still wearing James's Invisibility Cloak, and she could probably talk her way out of it as Head Girl anyway if she were somehow discovered, but she didn't particularly want to try at that point; she just wanted to avoid whoever was coming through the Entrance Hall and make it back to the Gryffindor dormitories unseen.

When she recognized Professor Slughorn's voice, Lily relaxed slightly; she was one of his favorite students, and he would certainly overlook her being out after curfew. Then she heard Professor McGonagall's voice as well and decided she did not want to be caught by her Head of House. She could never talk her way out of it with McGonagall, and no matter how much Slughorn tried, he wouldn't be able to help her, either.

She hurried up the stairs, glancing over the edge when she heard Professor Brookstanton laughing at something Slughorn had said. She completely forgot about the trick step in the staircase until she put her foot out and sank straight down. Biting back a cry of surprise, Lily twisted awkwardly for the railing; she missed and felt something snap in her ankle as she slid into the step almost up to her waist. The Invisibility Cloak fell off and landed just out of reach several stairs below her.

Trying to pull herself out, Lily realized she had no leverage. She was stuck, and her foot was throbbing with pain. Behind her, she could hear Professor Brookstanton saying goodnight to the others — she guessed they had gone for a late drink in Hogsmeade — and begin to climb the stairs. She swore as panic set in. If she didn't want to be caught after curfew, she certainly did not want to be discovered trapped in the trick step of the main staircase so late at night.

Although her wand was stuck in her cloak pocket, Lily concentrated and somehow managed to cast a Disillusionment Charm just as Professor Brookstanton started up the staircase. She felt it trickle over her head and shoulders and, glancing at her hands, was relieved that to see that they blended in with the staircase perfectly. She held her breath, hoping Brookstanton wouldn't see, hear, or sense her. She knew she should probably ask him for help in getting out, but now she was too embarrassed. In the back of her mind, all the good things she had been thinking about James Potter vanished, and she cursed him for getting her into such a mess.

Lily ducked her head as Brookstanton stepped nimbly over the trick step. He didn't even look down as he whistled an old wizarding tune, although when she released the breath she had been holding, he turned and frowned at the staircase. She held her breath again, hoping he didn't cast some sort of revealing spell that would give away her presence, but he just shook his head and continued upward.

Below her, Professor Slughorn said goodnight to Professor McGonagall, and the Entrance Hall was once again silent. Lily began trying to wiggle her way out of the trick step again, struggling uselessly to free herself. Instead, she only managed to get herself more thoroughly wedged into the pesky stair, which made her ankle ache, and her eyes blur with frustrated tears.

She tried several other non-verbal spells, but with so much of her body trapped beneath the magic of the step, including her wand in her pocket, nothing else worked: she couldn't levitate herself out, she couldn't summon herself out, she couldn't do anything. She certainly couldn't set her broken ankle, and the pain grew to a red-hot throb that slowly worked its way up the rest of her leg.

Setting her head down on one of the steps above her, Lily angrily dashed away the tears from her eyes as she tried to figure out what to do. It was the middle of the night, and she was stuck in the staircase with an injured ankle. Once again she blamed James Potter and irrationally hated him for it. She had snuck out because of him, therefore it was his fault.

Yet even as she thought it, she knew it was wrong. James had had nothing to do with it. She had gone out on her own and had simply been careless and distracted on her way back. She would figure a way out of it herself. She was not going to spend the night in the staircase, waiting until morning for the first students heading down to breakfast to find her there; she could almost hear them laughing at the Head Girl, who tripped while sneaking out…

Lily shook her head, trying to stay awake, but she was tired, emotionally drained, and in pain, and she felt her eyes begin to drift shut once more. She thought she saw a stag, a dog, and a large wolf running through the Entrance Hall below, but realized she was only dreaming and ignored it, letting her eyes close and following them out into the Forest, where the moon lit the sky and a silver doe joined them…

A sudden noise made Lily start awake, her eyes flying open with alarm. She realized she was not in fact a silver doe, and that the sky through the castle windows showed the barest hint of light; it must be close to dawn. Glancing around for the noise that had awakened her, Lily saw Madam Pomfrey coming up the stairs below; walking beside her, his head bowed with fatigue, was Remus Lupin.

Lily gasped and saw Remus frown as he moved slowly up the staircase. Madam Pomfrey stepped right over her, but Remus's keen ears had heard her, and she knew he would help her. "Remus!" she whispered. He glanced around, finally pinpointing her position even though he couldn't see her. "I'm stuck in the step!" she murmured.

He looked terrible: pale and exhausted, his eyes were dark and shadowed. Yet she saw the smallest hint of a smile as he realized where she was and what had happened. If she hadn't been so tired and in pain, it might have infuriated her, but she was too spent to care. She just wanted to get out, have her ankle tended, and fall into bed.

"Madam Pomfrey, I think I dropped my wand," Remus said. "I'll be right there."

"Be careful, dear," said Pomfrey. "Watch out for the trick step, it's easy to miss when you're tired." She continued up the staircase, and Lily thanked Merlin that she might get out of this yet without being seen by an adult.

When she was sure Pomfrey had moved down the corridor toward the hospital wing, Lily released the Disillusionment Charm. Remus looked down at her, a highly amused look on his face.

"Don't tell me you've been there all night," he said, smiling gently.

"I have, and I think I broke my ankle." Lily felt her eyes sting again and brushed away the tears once more. "So if you could please help me out without any teasing, I would very much appreciate it."

His face changed from amused to concerned, and he took her hands and pulled as hard as he could. The stair did not want to give up that easily, however, and he had to grasp her under her shoulders to finally get her out. Her ankle throbbing with the sudden release, Lily groaned as she tried to stand, but couldn't support herself and began to lose her balance. Remus caught her.

"Thanks," she murmured. She felt dizzy and lightheaded after the long night. She needed to see Madam Pomfrey, regardless of the consequences.

"I assume you're heading toward the hospital wing?" she asked as he put her arm around his shoulder and helped her up the stairs. He could feel him straining and felt bad for it; whatever had happened to him, he was obviously suffering as well.

"Of course I am," he replied. "Looks like I'll have some company. What shall we tell Pomfrey?"

Lily thought about it; maybe she could still save her dignity after all. "How about I tripped coming down the stairs in Gryffindor and hurt my ankle? We're allowed to be up and about in our own houses, after all."

Remus nodded as she limped down the corridor with him. "And if she asks, I'll tell her I found you making your way here when I went back for my wand."

"Thank you, Remus," Lily murmured once more. "I owe you again."

"Maybe." He shrugged. "Although I suspect it's my fault you were out so late."

Lily frowned. "How is it your fault? I went to see James, actually."

"He didn't tell you, then?" Remus asked, glancing sideways at her in surprise.

"He told me…" Lily hesitated, remembering her conversation with James out on the grounds. She had not seen Remus's name on the map, but James had implied that Remus knew what was going on, only he had a different secret of his own. Lily suddenly wondered if it had something to do with Remus's frequent visits to the hospital wing.

"He told me he was an Animagus," she finally finished. "He showed me, actually."

"Ah," said Remus. "That's a big step, isn't it?"

Lily burst out laughing: he meant it seriously, but it just struck her as riotously funny at that moment. "I guess so. But then, I accused him of being a werewolf, so he sort of had to prove he wasn't."

Remus stopped just outside the doors of the hospital wing. "You thought he was a werewolf?" he asked, his voice sounding odd. "Why?"

Lily gave him a puzzled look. "He told me it was dangerous to be outside tonight. When he kept staring at the full moon, I thought maybe that was why."

She was surprised to see his lips curl into a bitter smile. "And so he showed you he was a stag instead."

"He did. Remus, what's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You didn't wonder why he was out running around the Forbidden Forest as a stag during the full moon?" he asked, and Lily heard the bitterness in his voice now. She frowned again.

"Of course I did, but he said it really was a matter of life and death. He said it was just something he had to do." She shrugged. "He was very worried and very sincere. I believed him."

Remus sighed as he led her into the hospital wing. "He's a good friend, and so are you."

Before Lily could say anything, Madam Pomfrey turned and saw them. She made a clucking noise when she saw Lily limping into the room with Remus and hurried over.

"Mr. Lupin, what are you doing? You've had quite a night already. You know where you should be." Remus nodded, obviously too drained by helping Lily up the stairs to react to the nurse's reprimands. She suddenly wondered if he had slept at all as he dragged himself to the end of the wing, where a bed had apparently been prepared for him. He started to pull off his shirt as he moved behind the privacy screen, and Lily noticed a long scar running down his back.

"What happened to you, Miss Evans? It's far too early to be about the castle, you know." Madam Pomfrey guided her to a nearby bed and pushed her down. She quickly took off Lily's shoes. Lily glanced down to see that her ankle had swelled to twice its normal size, and had to look away as the nurse examined it with gentle hands.

"I fell down the stairs in Gryffindor," she said softly, holding back tears as Pomfrey cast a spell on her foot. There was a blinding pain as Lily felt the bones in her ankle grind back into place, but with another flick of the wand, she felt the pain begin to subside. She glanced at it and saw that the swelling was going down as well, although she knew there was nothing to be done about the bruising. "I thought I could make it here on my own."

Pomfrey shook her head. "Of course you did, you all do. I suppose you went back to get dressed before you came?"

Lily felt herself flush. "I was up early and decided to study in the common room."

"In your shoes and cloak?"

"I was cold."

"That's what robes and slippers are for, dear. Now, you're lucky Mr. Lupin helped you up the stairs; you would have just made it worse on your own. You'll have a nasty bruise, but I've set the bone and the swelling should be gone by tomorrow."

"Is he okay?" Lily asked, glancing down the ward toward Remus's bed.

"He'll be fine," Pomfrey replied curtly. "You both need a bit of rest. You look like you've been up all night as well."

"No, I fell asleep on the…" Lily stopped herself, shaking her head as she realized she was confusing her stories. "…on the couch studying."

"Mmm-hmm. I thought you got up early to study." Pomfrey clearly didn't believe her, but didn't seem inclined to ask any more questions either. Lily was grateful, as she didn't feel like trying to explain her mismatched lies.

"Well, get some sleep, and in a few hours you can go to breakfast," Pomfrey said. She pulled the blankets up to Lily's chin and gave her a very stern look. Lily simply nodded and closed her eyes.

She listened to Pomfrey's footsteps move away, then peaked through slit eyelids to watch her make her way toward Remus's bed. She did not hear what they said, but could imagine the stern nurse tending Remus in much the same no-nonsense manner. She did not stay long, but left the hospital wing in semi-darkness.

When Lily was sure Madam Pomfrey had gone, she quietly limped down to Remus's bed. She was not surprised to see him lying there with his eyes open, as if he had expected her. She knew she shouldn't be prying, but she was concerned for her friend. A strange idea had begun to form in her mind as she struggled to place his bitterness from earlier.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She studied his face and was once again struck by how weary he looked. He was pale and had a deep scratch across his arm. He also seemed bitter and guarded, as if something more were bothering him than whatever had put him in the hospital wing.

"Same as usual." He shrugged, sitting up against the pillows but not looking at her. "How's your ankle?"

"It'll be fine," she replied. She was quiet, trying to figure out what to say. He was not usually so closed. "Were you with James tonight?" she finally asked. "Out on the grounds?"

He nodded, but did not say anything. She thought he was probably waiting for her to puzzle it out. She continued.

"You're not an Animagus, like him, are you?" she asked. He shook his head, turning toward her and watching her face.

"Are you…" She hated even saying it after James's reaction, but this time she felt she was right. It made sense now. "Are you a werewolf?" she finally finished, her voice barely a whisper.

He merely tipped his head to her, and she felt a piece of her heart go out to him.

"Oh, Remus," she said, taking his hand. "I'm so sorry. Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"And risk further torture and estrangement?" he replied bitterly. "This is quite enough, thank you. I'd rather the entire castle didn't shun me."

Lily frowned. "You don't really think people would do that, would they? You're a model student, a Gryffindor prefect, a—"

"A werewolf," he interrupted, his face hard. He sighed as he looked away. "And that's all they would see, if they knew. It's a scary thing."

"I'm not scared of you," she said.

"You would be if you had seen me earlier tonight," he murmured. "Werewolves attack wizards, you know. And turn them into werewolves as well."

"Is that what happened to you?" she asked without thinking. "I'm sorry, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."

"No, it's okay," he said. "It happened a long time ago. I was attacked when I was just a boy." He paused before continuing, and Lily sensed that he really wanted to tell her what had happened to him. She steeled herself, knowing it would be both painful for him to share and painful for her to hear. And yet, she wondered if he had ever really talked about it with his friends, and so she listened to his story: the horrible attack by a werewolf named Fenrir Greyback, his first painful transformation, his difficult life following the night that changed his life.

She was saddened to hear that his mother had struggled with his lycanthropy more than either Remus or his father. She learned that Remus had never expected to attend Hogwarts, until Professor Dumbledore had assured John Lupin that there was indeed a place at Hogwarts for his son. She was shocked to hear how that was made possible.

"The Whomping Willow?" she exclaimed. "What does that have to do with your transformations?"

Lily listened in amazement as Remus told her how he snuck through a tunnel beneath the massive tree to a shack in Hogsmeade, where he could be alone and away from other humans during the full moon. She shook her head, unable to believe the truth behind the Shrieking Shack, as it had quickly come to be known. She could not imagine the pain and suffering he suffered there each and every month to inspire such a heartbreaking name.

"And that's my story," he finally concluded. "I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself, of course."

"Of course!" she exclaimed. "But Remus…can I ask one more question?"

"Absolutely," he replied. She was glad to see that he seemed less bitter after sharing so much with her. He seemed stronger somehow, as if by sharing such a dark secret he had somehow made it easier to bear.

"What does James, Sirius, and Peter being Animagi have to do with you being a werewolf?" Lily asked.

To her surprise, he actually smiled. He sat up a bit straighter and learned towards her, lowering his voice.

"James and Sirius figured out what was going on during our second year," he began. Lily gasped.

"They've known all along? And they kept it secret?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied. "That's what good friends do. Only they took it one step further. They decided that if they couldn't help me with my transformations as humans, they would help me as animals. It took them almost three years, but they finally managed the Animagus transformation during our fifth year."

Lily was wide-eyed with amazement. "All on their own?" she asked, once more impressed with the accomplishment, in spite of its unusual inspiration. "So James is a stag, Sirius is a dog, and Peter is a…?"

"Peter is a rat," Remus grinned. "Which actually works out perfectly. There's a way to stop the Whomping Willow from actually whomping you, a small knot at the base. Peter transforms and stops the tree so the others can use the tunnel. Every month they join me in the Shrieking Shack using their Animagus forms. For some reason, werewolves don't attack other animals, only humans."

"Oh my," Lily said, shaking her head. "So James was serious when he said he had to go, that he couldn't let you down. That's where he goes every month, to the Shrieking Shack to help with your transformation."

Remus nodded. "Go easy on him, Lily. I know he really wanted to be with you last night, but as a stag, only he and Sirius are large enough to keep me in control should something go wrong."

"Has it?" she asked without thinking once more. Remus blanched and looked away.

"No, and we probably take a terrible risk every month we do this." He looked back, his eyes pleading with her to understand. "But it's the only way my transformations are bearable. Locked in the Shrieking Shack by myself, I used to bite and scratch the only thing available: me. But with them, I'm more in control, somehow — more myself."

"Now I understand why he thought it was so dangerous for me to be out last night," she murmured. She smiled at him. "I'll go easy on him. I might make him sweat a bit, but I think I understand now. I'm glad he's such a good friend to you."

"He'll be just as good to you, Lily," Remus said, his voice sincere. "If not even better."

"Better than what?" called a voice from behind her. Lily saw Remus's eyes widen slightly as she heard them: several people came running into the hospital wing and skidded to an abrupt stop behind her. Someone dropped a very unflattering word, and she knew that James and his friends had found her.

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Lily was perfectly aware that she should have met James in the common room ages ago, and that he was probably thinking the worst about her absence. Yet she rather liked the idea of him squirming a bit after all he'd put her through the last week. She'd chased after him enough; if he was really interested, he'd find her. He had a magical map, after all.

She didn't even turn when she heard them come up behind her. Remus saw the look on her face and hid a grin; he was so perceptive, he figured her out immediately. She winked at him before finally turning towards James, Sirius, and Peter with as indifferent a demeanor as she could manage.

They were all standing there with equally astonished looks on their faces, although she was slightly surprised and somewhat glad to see that James also seemed a bit jealous. She saw him try to swallow it and appear unconcerned, and she couldn't help but smile sympathetically at Remus just to make James glance away.

"Morning, Evans," said Sirius, trying to sound casual. "What are you doing up here?"

She stood and crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow as she paused before answering. "Listening to a very interesting story, Black," she finally answered. She was enjoying their discomfort and intended to prolong it for as long as she could.

"Nothing about us, I imagine. We're not that interesting." Sirius was obviously trying to flash Remus a very pointed look; Lily raised her eyebrows even higher.

"Actually, it was fascinating, Padfoot," she replied. James actually gulped and took a step forward.

"Lily, look — I can explain, really. I—" He seemed positively mortified at her reaction, which was odd, since he had little to apologize for to her. Yes, he was an illegal Animagus who left the school grounds after hours to run with a werewolf, but Remus's tale explained it much better and almost painted their nocturnal wanderings in a sympathetic light.

"Oh, there's no need," she said, still giving each of them her most withering Head Girl look and enjoying their reaction. "Remus told me everything."

"He did?" James blew out a breath and turned to his friend. To her surprise, he wasn't worried about her reaction now; he was concerned for Remus. He was more worried about his friend's secret, and that both irritated her and endeared him to her.

"I'm sorry, Moony. I showed her my form last night." He did not look at her, only at his friends, and Lily suddenly felt like she was intruding on a private moment. "I should have checked with you first."

Remus was silent, but Lily saw the small smile he was hiding. "It's not just up to us, mate," said Sirius, coming up beside Remus. "Besides, Evans is okay." He winked at her, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes.

"Thanks, Black," she murmured.

James glanced at her and then back at Remus. "Are you okay with it?"

Remus relaxed and actually laughed. "It's not like we can take it back, Prongs. And Sirius is right — Lily has every right to know now. I trust her."

"Thank you, Remus," she said, and this time she meant it.

James gripped his friend on the shoulder before turning back to her. "So now what?" he asked, simply and directly.

"I'm not going to tell anyone," she said, suddenly feeling defensive.

"I know," he said. He looked confused, and the other three boys grinned at his discomfort. "That's not what I meant at all. I meant, what about…" He trailed off as Sirius snorted, and Peter hid a grin behind his hand. "Oh hell, let's get out of here." He grabbed her hand and pulled her down the ward toward the door. Lily grinned at his friends, unable to resist letting them in on her act, and they burst into laughter at her and James's hurried exit.

"So where are we going this time?" Lily asked conversationally. He was almost running and had not let go of her hand. Instead of being irritated, like she had been the previous night when he had practically pulled her out of the common room, she was instead rather enjoying his uneasy nervousness. She completely ignored the dull pain in her ankle.

"I don't know," he panted. "Someplace private. Someplace away from all this." They had reached the Entrance Hall, and he gestured around at the dozens of students coming and going from breakfast in the Great Hall. Then he stopped dead in his tracks and groaned. "Someplace away from him." He turned and pulled Lily the other way, but she heard a voice behind her.

"Potter! Where's your gear?" It was Thomas Kirke, the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, and he was frowning as he maneuvered through the crowd to catch up with them. James stopped and gave him an exasperated look. "I'm glad you found your girlfriend, but we've got a game on in two hours. We let you out of practice last night because you said you'd make it this morning. Be there or you're off the team, Potter — Head Boy or not."

"I said I'd be there, and I will," snapped James. "Sod off, I've got time."

"You've got fifteen minutes, Potter," said Kirke, unruffled by James's attitude. "And don't forget to eat."

James ran his hand through his hair as he watched Kirke head to practice. "Bloody prat," he muttered under his breath.

Lily squeezed his hand. "No, he's right. You've got a game; you need to be there. We can talk later."

His face whipped toward her, and for the first time that morning she realized just how run-down he was: he'd been seriously injured in the hallway duel with Snape just two days ago, only to spend most of the previous night up running around the grounds keeping his werewolf best friend in line. His eyes were dull, his cheeks pale, and he looked almost ready to collapse.

"Although, he's also right about eating something," she pointed out. "You look terrible, and some food might help. Come on, we can talk in the Great Hall." He protested, but she dragged him back towards the doors. Breakfast was almost over and the hall was now half empty. They found a place alone at the end of the Gryffindor table and ignored any interested or amused looks from their fellow students; instead, they both tucked into their food, silent for several minutes as they ate.

"I almost wish you could cast that charm from the hospital wing," Lily murmured, helping herself to a second glass of pumpkin juice and more porridge. She was surprised at how hungry she was, but she hadn't had anything to eat since dinner the previous day, and it had been a rather long, emotional night. Her ankle was sore, and she propped it on the bench next to her.

"The silencing charm?" James mumbled through a mouthful of sausage and eggs. "I suppose I could, but I don't think it would go over well with McGonagall if she noticed." He inclined his head toward the table in front, where the professors were just finishing their own meals.

"I suppose not," said Lily. She passed him a plate of biscuits. "But then, what more is there to say? I think everything is out there now. Kirke even called me your girlfriend."

James abruptly put his fork down, staring at her with his mouth half open. "He did, didn't he?" he asked, sounding surprised. "And you didn't blow up."

Lily rolled her eyes. "You're right, I didn't! Would you like me to do that now? Make a big scene, like we used to?"

"Of course not!" he exclaimed, glancing around the hall to see if anyone was watching. He reached across the table and took her hand. "I'd much rather you just say 'yes.'"

"To what?" she asked, not sure what he meant, although she rather hoped it was what she was thinking.

"To being my girlfriend," he replied. "You do want…I mean, after all that's happened, I just thought…" he trailed off, his face falling.

Lily leaned over and kissed him soundly. They were obviously being watched, as there were a few jeers and whistles from down the table, but she ignored them. "Yes. After all that's happened this week, how could I say no?"

"You almost had me for a minute," James breathed. He looked immensely relieved. "Look, are you done?"

"Well, no…"

"Grab something to go. I need to get my equipment, but I want to keep talking." He stood, finished one last glass of juice, and tossed an apple in his pocket. Lily followed, grabbing a biscuit for later.

"It's always something with you, isn't it?" she murmured as they hurried from the hall. She winced as her ankle protested, but James just grinned, and she was so glad to see him looking better that she once again ignored the pain.

"You have no idea."

* * *

Lily shook her head and laughed, and James felt his heart leap at the sound. He remembered a time when she would have narrowed her eyes and jinxed him for everything that had happened over the last week. That she was still talking to him made him think she really was interested; that she had said yes to his extremely inelegant question confirmed it, yet he still felt uncertain.

Or rather, he felt guilty. He felt like he had treated her badly, when in reality their timing had just been terrible all week. He had been injured and laid up in the hospital wing, he had been out with his friends the night before, and now he had to hurry to a Quidditch game that suddenly mattered less than anything else at the moment. He just wanted to find someplace private, sit down for a good long talk, and perhaps finish with an uninterrupted snog.

Lily may have been right, though: there was probably little to talk about. He had bared just everything out on the grounds the previous night. She could have run off and reported him, or even worse, rejected him then and there and refused to have anything to do with him. Yet she hadn't, and once again his heart did a little flip. Even after hearing the rest of the story from Remus, she was still here, still hurrying through the castle with him. What was there to say after all that?

James heard a sharp intake of breath next to him, and realized with a start that she was limping. Of course there was something else to talk about — how had she found Remus in the hospital wing? Did it have something to do with the reason was she limping? With a frown, he slowed down and steered her into a nearby classroom. It was the same classroom they had talked in not less than a week ago, when he had walked out because he had thought she was using him. Shaking his head at how wrong he had been, he helped her sit and kneeled in front of her, concerned.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you hurt? Did something happen last night?" He was suddenly worried about what had happened after he left her at the entrance, and kicked himself for not asking her sooner.

She reached down to rub her ankle. "Actually, yes. I broke my ankle last night." James gasped, and she appeared amused at the look of horror on his face. "It's okay now, though," she laughed. "Madam Pomfrey set it, and it feels loads better. It's just all the fast walking we've done…" she trailed off, looking sheepish.

"Lily!" James exclaimed. "Why didn't you say something? I'm sorry! I didn't know—"

"You didn't ask," she pointed out, sounding amused.

James shook his head as he sat down next to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so distracted, not to mention dead tired. What happened? Are you sure you're okay? Is there anything I can do?"

"I’m fine," Lily laughed, her eyes twinkling merrily, no doubt at his unease. "Really, I am. And there's nothing you can do. I should be resting it. As for what happened, it's a bit embarrassing, really." She was blushing, but James took her hand and smiled.

"It couldn't possibly be more embarrassing than me being a complete arse for not even noticing. What happened?" he asked again.

He listened as she told him about her accident on the steps, how Remus had finally found her, and how she had come to the hospital wing with him. He couldn't believe that she had suffered so much, all so he could cavort with his friends under the full moon.

"And that's how I ended up talking with Remus this morning," she concluded. "So it's not as dramatic as it sounds — bit thick of me, really."

James wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair. She sighed as she leaned into him, and if he could stay that way with her forever, right then and right there, he would gladly give up his place on the Quidditch team. It felt so right, so natural, that it was a wonder he had ever stopped thinking about the possibility.

"I'm so sorry that happened," he murmured. "All because I had to run off with my friends. I should have stayed with you."

"No!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him. "I understand, I really do. I won't say it's fun being rejected for a guy's best friend—" He made a strangling sound in his throat, but she stopped him with a finger to his lips. "—but after Remus told me why you were out there last night, everything made sense. That's a remarkable thing to do for a friend. Dangerous, but brave."

James snorted somewhat bitterly. He didn't feel brave at all, and he knew it was dangerous every month they went out there. Yet it hadn't stopped them yet, and now Lily was calling it remarkable. It made him feel worse. "There's nothing remarkable or brave about it, Lily. It's just something we do for Remus — or rather, we justify it by telling ourselves we're helping him, and ignore the danger."

"Well, it's over for this month," Lily pointed out. "Maybe we can finally have some peace and quiet together — no duels, no midnight running."

James raised his eyebrows. "You mean, some quality alone time? Whatever for?"

"There was something else you said the other night…" Lily trailed off, looking uncomfortable. James stiffened; he had been hoping she would not bring that up. He had to admit it seemed rash to have said such a thing, first to his friends, and then to her. And yet, it was true: he had liked her for so long that, even when he had given up on her, it was inevitable he would fall in love with her now. Having said it out loud, he couldn't take it back, and he wouldn't do that anyway, because he had meant it. He only hoped it didn't push her away.

"Well," he began, scratching idly behind his ear before running a hand through his hair in the nervous way he had. He knew it was a habit that drove her nuts, but didn't care at the moment; he was more worried about saying the right thing. "I meant it," he finally replied. "I know it seems sudden, and I hope it doesn't scare you, but I've always liked you, Lily. This week has only shown me how much more."

He couldn't read the look in her eyes, and thinking back to what had happened a week ago, when she had been so unpredictable, James braced himself for a slap, or worse. He was surprised when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, long and deep and passionately. How many times had she kissed him like that over the last twenty-four hours? She must feel something. She had agreed to be his girlfriend, after all.

"I think I feel—" she began, her tongue so close to his ear that he felt shivers down to his toes. He gasped as an electric shock seemed to pass through him, and he grabbed her around the waist, wrapping her legs around him as he stopped her with another kiss, his hands almost unstoppable as they roamed up and down her back, under her shirt, down her thighs…

"Oops, we've interrupted again," said a voice from the doorway. James groaned and let his head fall to Lily's shoulder. She sighed and turned to face their repeated tormenter: Sirius stood in the doorway, with Peter next to him, holding the Marauder's Map.

"Sorry, mate," said Sirius, though he did not seem quite as apologetic as the previous night. He grinned. "Kirke sent us after you. Said you had practice this morning for the big game." He tossed a bag at James's feet: his Quidditch equipment, the very bag he had been on his way to Gryffindor for before he had been waylaid once again.

"Thanks," James muttered as Lily stood and straightened her clothes.

"Great timing once again, Black," she murmured.

"Thanks, Evans," he replied. "But Prongs here has interrupted me so many times he probably deserves it."

"I don't," she pointed out. She limped toward him and looked up into his face. "In fact, next time you use that map and show up when I'm trying to enjoy some private time with my boyfriend—" James grinned at the slightly surprised look on Sirius's face "—I will personally and painfully charm your bollocks so they are the size of acorns." She stopped and smiled sweetly. "Got it?"

Sirius actually seemed speechless; Peter answered instead. "Sorry, Lily. We'll leave you guys alone." He turned Sirius around and pushed him toward the door. Over his shoulder, he gave her a silent, "Nice one!" and left, grinning as Sirius shook his head, muttering about nuts.

"Come on," said Lily, taking his hand. "Let's get you to practice."

James reluctantly picked up the bag of his equipment and followed her from the classroom. "I can't believe you just said that to him."

"Do you think he believed me?" she asked, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Because I meant it."

"Oh, he believes you," James laughed. "And you threatened him in just the right place, too."

"I thought so," she replied. "I just don't want them constantly appearing wherever we happen to go."

"That'll be a change," James murmured as they hurried through the Entrance Hall out onto the grounds. The crisp air hit him in the face, shocking him with its brittle wind. A few snowflakes fluttered in the wind. He wanted more than anything to turn around and head right back to the empty classroom and pick up where they left off. He even slowed down, dreading the thought of flying off into the cold air when he could be wrapped in Lily's warm arms.

"Hey, Potter!" Lily waved her hand in front of his face. "I know your thoughts are elsewhere, but we'll have to continue with them later." She gave him a coy look. "After you win the match, perhaps."

"Are you trying to motivate me?" he asked, rubbing her hands warm for his own sake as much as hers as they made their way toward the Quidditch pitch.

"Is it working?" she asked.

"You're a cruel woman," he lamented, "but I'll do my best to bring home the victory."

"I hope so. I'll feel responsible if you don't."

"More like you'll be responsible if we do." He stopped and turned toward her, taking her face in his hands one last time before he headed to practice. "I can't believe this is actually happening."

"What, the game?" she asked, though the sly look on her face gave away her clear understanding of his meaning.

"Yes," he replied sarcastically. "I can't believe the game is finally here, when I could think of any other number of things I'd rather be doing today."

"Hm, me too," she replied, moving closer. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"I can't believe us," he said softly, shaking his head to himself. "After all we've been through, and after the week we've had, I can't believe how lucky I am."

He felt her smile against his chest. "Yes, you are. But stranger things have happened." She threw his words from a week ago back at him with a smile.

"Things change," he agreed, echoing her own words.

She tilted her head up to kiss him quickly. "They certainly do. And I'm glad, James. Not everyone gets to literally date a stag." She giggled, and he laughed with her.

"Or a beautiful doe," he murmured, embracing her again.

"Go play your match, Potter," she finally sighed, pulling away. "I'm going to go back to the castle and stay warm until the game starts."

"But you'll be there?" he asked, throwing his Quidditch gear over his shoulder.

"I'll be there!" she laughed, walking away. "I promise!"

As she walked toward the castle, she titled her head toward the sky and began catching snowflakes on her tongue. It was exactly the way he had found her a week ago, coming back from Hogsmeade, and he was reminded of their encounter that day, that now seemed so long ago. He wondered what might have happened if he hadn't stopped to help her, if she hadn't kissed him, if they hadn't talked and fought and talked some more. He wondered what her Patronus would have been in Defense Against the Dark Arts, if he would have still dueled Snape in the corridors, or if Lily would have followed him out to the grounds and learned his secret.

With one last glance over his shoulder, James headed toward the locker room to get ready for the game. He shook his head and smiled to himself: things had certainly changed, and he wouldn't change a thing.

* * *