I walk in among the witches,
And notice a few sly twitches.
I can smirk, for I know
Why they all hate me so.
That’s right, Harry’s mine now, bitches.

Please, Parvati, you had your chance
When Harry asked you to that dance.
But you twittered away,
And giggled away the day.
And you lost your turn at romance.

Oh, Cho, you had better not start.
When Cedric died and broke your heart,
You asked Harry for love,
Then cried like the clouds above.
You ask why from you he did part?

By what he told me by the lake,
My heart was cracked but did not break.
And so I fought it out;
I kept my heart devout.
My hard work paid off for the take.

Well, now that you’ve heard what I said,
(Not really – I thought it instead)
I’ll leave you one last thought
To cause your hearts to rot:
Only I know how he is in bed.