Chapter 1

It was late evening and Lily Evans was cozy in her favorite corner of the library, away from the babble and noise of the Gryffindor common room. The library was silent apart from the scratch of her quill on parchment. Piles of books surrounded her parchment on the table as she hastily scratched away with her quill. She already had enough for her essay, but Lily was an overachiever. There was only a small sting of loneliness as she continued her vigil late that Friday night.


Potter had been especially irritating in the common room that evening; he was so rowdy with his friends, making everyone laugh with his loud jokes and setting off Dr Filibuster fireworks for the amusement of their fellow Gryffindors. Not to mention he wouldn’t leave her alone about not joining in. It was hardly an atmosphere she could study in, and this was NEWT year after all and Lily was taking it seriously if no one else was. She set her quill on the parchment firmly and started writing again, but just then someone sat down at the table with her, startling her.


“Lily, you study way too much. I mean, we’ve only been in school for two weeks. Can’t you ever just relax have a fun evening instead of studying?” It was Lily’s best friend, the beautiful Pilar Martinez. Pilar smiled at her, moving aside books and scooting her chair over.


Some people were really confused that Lily and Pilar were best friends. It’s not that Lily wasn’t pretty or anything- Lily was actually beautiful, with long red hair and bright green eyes, but everyone knew she was very smart. Pilar’s reputation was more beauty then brains; her dark hair and perfect pale complexion complemented her lithe, thin body. She had dark eyes and long eyelashes that won the hearts of many sixth year boys with a single bat. Lily knew, however, that Pilar was very sweet and fragile, and Lily had a bit of a mothering way with her. Their difference in ambition and intelligence rarely came to a conflict between them.


Lily put down her quill. Pilar was nice, but she just didn’t understand how important Lily’s academic goals were to her. “I’m not sure what kind of fun evening you expect me to have with Potter and his followers behaving like idiots. Honestly, they’re so immature. I don’t understand how Potter has managed to get good grades if he never studies.”


Pilar laughed, shaking back her dark hair. “Oh, you just can’t give him a break, can you? He likes you, of course he’s going to try to get your attention with all his antics.” Lily didn’t answer, and Pilar leaned forward, forgetting James for the moment. “Listen, there’s something I was kind of hoping to tell you about.”


Lily started paying close attention at once. Pilar had been a little distant and vague for the past few weeks and Lily and suspected she was withholding a secret from Lily; and now, the moment of truth! Lily waited in anticipation as Pilar teetered on the edge of speech.


“I think I’m in love with Sirius Black,” she gushed, her eyes starry. “He’s just so good looking, you know? With that dark hair and that sexy smile… and I think he likes me too, Lily! He smiles at me a lot and whenever we talk he says really nice things.”


Lily paused a second before beginning cautiously, “Pilar, you know Sirius has a reputation for, well, not being interested in relationships, right? I realize you like him, but don’t you think you had better back out before you get hurt?”


Pilar was entirely unfazed. “Lily, I really think it’s love this time. I really do.”


Lily sighed. Although Pilar often “fell in love”, her best friend was clearly in too deep this time. Sirius Black was hot, but everyone knew he was only into one night stands. He got a girl, then he dropped her. Lily would hate to see that happen to her best friend.
“It’s just that I don’t want to see you get hurt, Pilar.”


Pilar smiled a dazzling happy smile. “Oh, Lily! He won’t hurt me. He couldn’t hurt me. He’s just too nice for that. He might have had a bit of a bad reputation in the past but, oh, he’s changed! I really think he has. Can’t you just be happy for me, Lily?”


Lily rubbed her tired eyes, feeling cornered. “Of course I’m happy for you.”


“Yay!” Pilar exclaimed, hugging Lily around her shoulders in excitement. “I just couldn’t have been happy without you supporting me, Lily darling. Now listen, why don’t you put away the books and come hang out in the common room? I might get to talk to Sirius.”


Inwardly, Lily swore to herself that if innocent Pilar got hurt by Sirius she would personally castrate him.


* * *


The bell rang, signaling the end of Potions class. Lily cleaned her station up in record time and threw her stuff in her bag as fast as she could go. She had done a lot of thinking last night. Pilar and Sirius had been goofing around on the couch in front of the fire last night, teasing each other and flirting outrageously, and Lily feared it was too late. After contemplation, she decided that she would have to do what she most dreaded- talk to Potter about it. Sirius was his best mate, after all.


Lunch was next, but this was the only opportunity she was going to get to talk to James alone. After telling Pilar to go on without her, she picked up her stuff and looked around and spotted Potter.. She ran up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around in surprise.


“I want to talk to you,” said Lily breathlessly before he could say a word.


“Hey, whatever you need, Evans,” Potter said with a bold grin. Lily tried not to roll her eyes and started out the door. He followed her into the corridor.


Lily walked in silence for a minute before starting. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Sirius has been getting pretty close to my best friend Pilar.”


He listened silently, rocking back on his heels. She continued.


“I’ve heard of his reputation, and I certainly don’t want to see the same things happening to Pilar. She’s too fragile and it would really hurt her if they hooked up and he dumped her. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to think so. Since you’re his best friend, I figured you would know. If he’s planning anything… villainous, you had better tell me right now.”


Potter contemplating her with those bright hazel eyes. They were a little distracting, Lily admitted. Not that she could possibly see why they captured the hearts of many a Gryffindor girl.


“So… you want me to tell you if my best friend is going to hurt your best friend?”


“Well… yeah,” Lily shrugged.


“Why don’t you ask Sirius?”


Lily was a little embarrassed. “It’s not like he’d give me a real answer if he was planning something. I figured you’d tell me the truth since you, ah,…”


“Since I like you, you mean.” His face was scrutinizing her.


Lily looked down at her shoes. “I thought you’d be honest.”


There was a short pause.


“Well, you don’t have to worry. Sirius is a good guy, and Pilar is a really amazing girl, and Sirius appreciates her. Sirius won’t do anything ‘villainous’. Don’t worry about it.” He started to walk way.


“What? Potter! You know Sirius is completely unreliable.” Lily tried to ignore the twinge of irritation she had felt when he called Pilar amazing. Wasn’t he supposed to like her? Not that it mattered if he did.


“Well, Evans, if it makes you sleep at night, I’m pretty sure Sirius has changed. Can you just let it go? I know it’s hard to believe, but people grow up. They mature. Give him a chance.” Potter shook his black head at her as if disappointed, then left. Lily wasn’t sure what to think. She hadn’t expected him to deny it.


Feeling like her boat had been seriously rocked, Lily went on after him to lunch.


***


After lunch Lily was sitting in History of Magic, head bowed low, diligently scribbling notes when a piece of crumpled parchment dropped on her desk from out of nowhere. Grabbing it, she looked around the sleepy classroom for the culprit. Not spotting anyone, she smoothed the note on her desk to read it.


It read,
‘Hey Evans. Your best mate is Pilar Martinez. Do you think she would go out with me? -Sirius.’


Lily reread it, glancing up and looking over at Sirius sitting at the table next to hers. He diligently continued doodling on his notes. Potter was next to him, his mouth hanging slightly open from lack of attention. With a slight roll of her eyes, she turned her attention back to the note and scratched a rather cryptic reply;


‘I didn’t realize you dated. I thought you just hooked up with girls, then dumped them.’


Failing miserably at subtlety, Lily tossed the note back to Sirius who snatched it up with super fast reflexes. Luckily everyone was too zoned out to notice or care. A minute later the parchment landed on Lily’s desk. Feeling like a rebel for passing notes in class, she read;


‘I’ve changed. I really like Pilar. Do you think I’ve got a shot?’


This was exactly what Potter had said earlier! Lily couldn’t help feeling like everything that had seemed set in stone wasn’t anymore. She had never thought that Potter and Sirius would be anything but, well, idiots. She supposed it was quite possible the two of them had changed over the summer. Everyone except her seemed to think so. Maybe they were right. With a slight hesitation, Lily wrote back, “Go for it.”


***


That evening in the common room, Lily was relaxed in a comfy chair when Pilar came dashing up to her, obviously excited.


“Lily, guess what?! Sirius asked me out, and I said yes!”


Even though Lily should have expected this, she was fairly impressed with Sirius for actually doing it. She had still had her reservations about Sirius’ seriousness- pardon the pun- regarding her friend.


“Wow, Pilar!” Lily hugged her. “I’m so happy for you.”


Pilar chattered excitedly. “I know, right? I was so glad he did. I mean, I thought he would, but I wasn’t sure, but I love him, and I was happy he did, and now we’re dating, and I’m just so happy!”


Lily laughed fondly at her friend’s silly babbling. She was really very fond of Pilar, but the fact that Sirius had actually asked her out impressed her. Pilar was practically glowing, looking more beautiful then ever. Lily could spot a couple of jealous faces in the common room; Sirius was after all a much sought-after boy.


Sirius, James, Peter and Remus joined them soon, Pilar and Sirius cuddling like a happy couple. They were being almost nauseatingly cute and forced James and Lily to make conversation by themselves, as Remus was studying by himself and Peter had gone to bed.


“I guess your entire universe is reeling from shock, huh?” James looked at her with a teasing smile.


She felt a little huffy. “Well, you can’t really blame me. Sirius didn’t seem the type to change.”


James’ expression took on a serious look. “Don’t you believe people can change?”


Lily shrugged. “Not really. Aren’t you born with the personality you’ll always have? That doesn’t provide for a lot of variety in people.”


James was intrigued with her theory. “Really? You don’t think people can change at all? You’re saying you were this person at, say, three years old?”


Lily smiled a little. “More or less. I was just as stubborn and smart then as I am now. Come on, James, you can’t tell me you weren’t a confident or clever kid.”


With a jolt, she realized she had referred to him by his first name. Then she realized that she had been referring to him by his first name in her mind ever since their talk. What did that mean? Were they actually friends now? Now how is that possible?


James laughed a bit, seeming to not notice her use of his first name. “Well, I’ve always been good at Quidditch. I was definitely born with that. Sure, I’ve been confident and clever for a long time. But that’s not all of who I am Lily, no more then you’re only stubborn or smart.”


Lily thought about this for a minute. “Well, maybe. Why, do you think you’ve changed?”


“Yes, I do,” James said seriously.


“Oh.” Lily wasn’t sure what to think. Her main reasons for not being his friend could actually be … nonexistent now. After a long silence, James got to his feet and stretched.


“Well, I’m off to bed. Night, all.”


Sirius and Lily mumbled goodnight and James left. After sitting quietly for a few minutes, Lily retired to her room as well.


Just as she was getting ready for bed, she caught a bit of what her two roommates, Alice and Lacey, were talking about.


“I think it’s just so great that you and James will be getting together soon! Then you can go on double-dates with Frank and me, and wouldn’t that be so much fun?” Alice gushed happily to Lacey.


Lacey smiled- well, more like smirked, Lily thought. “James is so wrapped around my little finger. We’ll be dating really soon. He told me he likes me. I mean, what else is left? Everyone knows he’s not interested in her anymore.” Lacey tossed her dark blonde hair over her shoulder. Lily realized that Lacey was referring to her. The girls glanced at her, then lowered their voices, as if suddenly noticing Lily was there.


Lily felt like she had been plunged in cold water. Somehow she had gotten the notion in her head that James actually liked her. If he was mature now, that obviously meant that he wouldn’t like her- she was a remnant of his silliness. Curling up in her bed, she did her best to bury that little hurt feeling that stung her more then she’d ever admit to anyone. Under her breath she said to herself, “Stupid… It was far too little… far too late.”


***


The following weekend found Lily, James, Pilar and Sirius walking around Hogsmeade on a fresh autumn day. Remus was gone to visit his sick grandmother, and Peter had detention with Professor McGonagall for not doing his homework for the third time in a row. Pilar and Sirius were holding hands, smiling sappily at each other. Their two best friends dating had caused them to become better friends then before, but when James talked to Lily, she didn’t invest emotion into the conversations as best she could. She had a feeling he knew that she knew about him and Lacey, and he never mentioned it.


They had already visited Honeydukes and the Owl Post and Sirius and James restocked on Dr Filibuster’s fireworks at Zonkos’. Lily could tell Pilar and Sirius really wanted some alone time, but she dreaded being alone with James.


“Sirius,” Pilar said in her sweet voice. “Have you ever been to Madame Puddifoot’s?”


Sirius sighed dramatically. “I suppose you want to take me there, don’t you? Well I guess I could survive it.” Pilar let out a giggle as he slid an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. “Do you guys mind if we take off?”


“No, no, go ahead,” Lily said, regretting having come to Hogsmeade at all, now that she was going to have to be alone with James for the rest of the day. At least she knew that Lacey had slept in that morning and was probably not coming to Hogsmeade until later.


“By all means,” James said at the same time, sounding far more pleased with the situation then Lily had.


“We’ll meet you guys at dinner, then,” Sirius said amiably.


The two of them left. After a bit of a silence, James asked if she wanted to go to the Three Broomsticks. Lily agreed, and they start walking to the pub.


It was quiet for a minute before James breaks the silence abruptly. “Listen, Lily… I don’t get it. Why have you been so distant?”


Lily looked down at the frosty ground, feeling awkward. “Um, I’m not sure what you mean.”


James stopped her. “Yes, you do. You avoid looking at me when we talk. You make up excuses to avoid being around me. I thought we were at least friends now. What’s the problem?”


Lily wasn’t sure what to say. She wondered if he wanted her blessing to date Lacey or something like that. How ridiculous. Lily said, slightly bitterly, “Don’t you think you shouldn’t be here with me today?”


He looked totally surprised. “What do you mean? Why on earth not?”


“Well, if you’re about to be an item with Lacey Jones, shouldn’t you be with her now?”


James was stunned and didn’t immediately respond. Maybe he’s finally realized that he had better be with her now after all, and now that I know about it, the game’s up, Lily thought miserably.


“That’s what’s been bothering you? Bloody hell, Lily, I thought you just couldn’t stand me again.”


“Um, James- you’re missing the point.”


“Oh, you mean Lacey. Lily, I never have or will date Lacey Jones. That’s ridiculous. I don’t even like her. I told her I wasn’t interested in dating right now to get rid of her, but apparently I didn’t do enough to make her give up hope.”


Lily finally looked up at him. His hazel eyes were looking into hers earnestly. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but all of a sudden she realized that it was obvious all along. Lacey was a dramatic girl, and James hadn’t spent any time with her as far as she’d known. Lily couldn’t believe that she’d listened to a rumor.


James continued. “It’s always been you, Lily. How could you not know that? What’s more, why haven’t you said anything?”


“I thought it was too little, too late,” Lily said, letting a little bit of emotion escape into her words.


“Lily, honestly, for such a clever girl you can be so silly. It’s never too late for love. As for me, I’ve loved you pretty much since I was eleven. I know you don’t like me that much, but can you give me one last shot and just try going out with me? If you’re not interested, I understand.”


Lily rolled her eyes. “I pretty much just told you I liked you, you idiot. Of course I’ll go out with you.”


James started grinning like a silly boy and grabbed her round the waist and danced around a little. “Lily said she’ll go out with me! Lily said yes!” crowed James happily. She laughed out loud at his happy antics. He stopped and said seriously,


”Do you suppose I’ve changed, then?”


Lily shook her head. “Of course not.”


James knitted his eyebrows, confused. “But you like me now because I’ve changed.”


Lily shook her head. “You haven’t changed, silly; I’ve changed. I finally can see who you actually are.”


“Well it’s about time I got some appreciation for being awesome.” James grinned and his eyes danced mischievously.


She caught her breath. “You’re so conceited.”


“That’s why you love me!” said James happily. He looked down at her adoringly before leaning in to kiss her softly. She felt warmth rush into her chest and spread into her entire body. He leaned back, smiling giddily. “Butterbeers at the Three Broomsticks, my treat?”


“Sure,” laughed Lily, feeling as giddy as he did. He grabbed her hand and they started to gambol down the road, caught in the ecstasy of a first love.