Summary: When Marty Price entered the lives of the Marauders, they never expected her to come to mean so much to them. Their last years at Hogwarts were idealistic and beautiful. But a few years in the harsh outside world soon forces them to change. When faced with so much, it is unsurprising that they are tired and lonely and almost broken. Even optimists like Marty struggle to remain true to themselves - so what hope do the rest of them have when she leaves on a vital secret mission? Especially when everything else, if possible, begins crumble even further ...
Sequel to 'The Cause'
Categories: Marauder Era Characters: None
Warnings: Mild Profanity
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: Yes
Word count: 27739 Read: 7894
Published: 03/03/11 Updated: 06/10/11
1. Part 1 by Pussycat123
2. Part 2 by Pussycat123
3. Part 3 by Pussycat123
4. Part 4 by Pussycat123
Author's Notes:
Okay, so I know I said I wouldn't come back to this, but somehow, about a year after 'The Cause' was finished, I found myself writing what happened next. It's a different style to a lot of the stuff I've written before, but I hope you like it anyway!
It was cold as she waited. Unusually cold for a summer evening. But wait she did, knowing he would come. People bustled past her every so often, but they paid her no attention. They may have thought it odd, a girl in her early twenties standing by an old memorial for an old house which nobody missed. But they were used to not asking questions these days.
She traced the letters on the plaque with her finger absent-mindedly. In memory of ...
She remembered. It had been cold then too, and raining, but they hadn’t cared. They had skipped their lessons, even her most rule-abiding friends, to give their support. Sometimes she regretted letting her old Head of House talk her round. She wished she had sat there for days, refusing to move, until finally, through sheer exasperation, they allowed her to win.
They probably would have demolished it as soon as her back was turned anyway.
Something, she couldn’t say what, made her look up and see him walking towards her. She smiled faintly, but it was a shadow of that old smile, the one that was so full of passion and belief that it warmed the heart of almost everyone who basked in it. No one smiled like that now.
“Don’t go,” he said as soon as he reached her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, just his arm, for a moment. He looked tired. But then, he always did. She didn’t move.
“It’s a bit late for that now,” she pointed out, trying to force some humour and lightness into her voice. “You do realise where we’re going tonight, don’t you?”
“It’s dangerous,” he said. He sounded calm, matter-of-fact even. But she knew him well enough to see past that.
He was as torn in two as she was.
“No more dangerous than anything you’ll be doing,” she replied. There was an edge of warning in her voice. She did not want to be patronised. She was strong.
“But you’ll be alone.”
“True.”
“And impossible to reach.”
“Not quite true, but go on.”
“All right, incredibly difficult to reach.”
“That’s better.”
“And there’s nothing I can say?”
She smiled sadly. “I need to do it. Or someone needs to. And you know I’m the best person for it.”
“I love you,” he said, as if this was his one last hope. His voice cracked and in one swift movement she had crossed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers.
They both wished that it didn’t feel like the last time.
*~*~*
“Congratulations on your new job!” screamed the banner over their corner of the café. They had considered “Bon Voyage!” but in truth, it wasn’t the journey they were worried about. To any outsider “ be their intentions sinister or otherwise “ it was incredibly simple. Martina Price, an up-and-coming in the Department of International Magical Cooperation, had been transferred abroad, and she was having a farewell party in her Aunt’s café. The only thing which could possibly allude to a bigger, more meaningful picture, was the slightly sombre undertone in those present. Those who drank or laughed, did so too much, too loudly, as if trying to forget. Those who did not seemed beyond hope completely.
Of course, there were exceptions.
Lily Potter, her bump almost reaching breaking point, was positively glowing, stereotype or not. There really was no other word for it. Of course, there was fear beneath that glow. A crease between her eyebrows that seemed never to relax. After all, it was hardly the time to be bringing a new life into the world. Her husband had still not arrived. And her best friend was going away.
Going for help.
But she still glowed. She couldn’t help it. It was the life inside her. She had loved that life beyond anything else in the world, even before she knew it was there, before it had even begun.
She was hoping for a boy.
She watched Marty quite openly. Somehow pregnant women could get away with slightly odd behaviour, a fact that she had learnt with much excitement and anticipation. She had been supportive for her friend from the start, unlike Remus, who would have done anything to keep her there. But then, she was all he had. Lily just hoped she would be safe. Somehow, though, she knew that she would. If anyone survived this war, it would be Marty. After all, being away from here had to be safer than staying here. She almost wished she and James had been given the opportunity to get away, for her child’s sake. But she knew James would never have agreed. He needed to be fighting on the front lines, no matter how important the work was behind the scenes. And so had she, before her pregnancy had made that impossible. She wished she could be alongside him right now.
She looked over at the door as it opened, but it wasn’t her husband coming in from the cold, it was Peter. He looked nervous, scared, even jumpy. But who didn’t these days? They were all scared.
“Peter,” she said, smiling warmly at him when he made his way over. “Where have you been?”
He looked even more nervous, and shook his head. “Nowhere, nowhere... I lost track of time.”
She laughed. “You must be pregnant. You know, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going most days. If it wasn’t for James, I’d probably be eating breakfast right now, thinking it was a bit dark outside for morning. He’s become my brain, I swear it. It’s like he’s been taken over by the spirit of excessive organisation; every hour of my day is planned out for me, I just have to follow his list... he could be sending me anywhere!” She looked at her watch and her smile faded a little. This tale of her reliance upon her husband’s organisation only served to remind her that he was late. He should have been there already. She never felt entirely complete unless she could see him in front of her with her own eyes.
If she had been paying more attention, she might have noticed Peter’s laughter at her chatter was unnatural sounding and forced. As it was, her mind had rather suddenly shifted to a much darker place. What would she do if James never returned from his mission tonight? She tried to picture going on without him, but all she could see was darkness, carrying on forever in impenetrable silence.
Remus, meanwhile, was having his own doubts as he sat on a stool in front of the counter. It just didn’t seem like a good idea, this going away party. Half the Order were here, and more on their way. But not only that, there were others “ people who weren’t in the Order. Innocents. This café had been a target once before, and if any Death Eater found out what she would really be doing abroad ... he shuddered. They would try and fight them off of course, if they came. But that didn’t mean they’d all survive, it didn’t even mean they’d win. His blood ran cold at the sight of Marty’s two year old nephew, Linden. At the thought of Lily and James’s unborn child. Such easy targets for a group of Death Eaters with too much to prove.
And even without that worry, there was still the fact that she was leaving at all. He couldn’t process it, couldn’t even begin to comprehend life without her. She had been the one thing keeping him sane, after all. It was as if her presence tied him to everyday life, kept him focussed on moving forward. Without it, he feared he would become somehow disconnected from the world “ somehow unable to grasp reality.
The door opened again, and this time Sirius and James came in.
“James!” Lily exclaimed happily, smiling in relief. He strode straight over to her, kissing her briefly on the lips and pulling a chair next to her to sit with his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a contented sigh. He was okay, and the hissy fit she’d been planning over his lateness disappeared before it had even begun. Something made her want to spend as much time with him happily as she possibly could. It was madness not to be on good terms with the person you loved when you might not see tomorrow. She just wished Remus would realise that. He had barely spoken to Marty all night, but they kept sending each other wistful looks when the other wasn’t watching.
If it went on much longer, Lily decided she would put her interfering hat on.
“What took you so long?” she asked James, trying her best to sound reproachful, but reaching across to take hold of his spare hand at the same time.
“Nothing,” he said. “Well, that’s a lie. We ran into trouble. I’ll tell you later, though... not here.”
Her grip on his hand tightened. He tried not to wince too much. Pregnant women were strong.
“Are you “” she began.
“We’re fine. Honestly.”
“You weren’t followed?”
“Definitely not. What have I missed?”
Lily sighed. “Not much. Remus and Marty are avoiding each other.”
“Interesting. Why?”
“Merlin only knows. I imagine it’s something to do with denial, suppressed resentment, possibly some abandonment issues thrown in there to mix it up a bit. It’s all very silly.”
“Poor Remus.”
“Poor Marty. As if she needs this to be her last memory of him.”
James stared at her.
“Before she leaves, I mean,” Lily added. “Her last memory of him before she leaves. Not... not her last memory... ever.”
She stared back at him. And then simultaneously, they pulled each other just a little bit closer.
*~*~*
At around eight o’clock, the door opened again, and a group of three teenagers of about seventeen came in, two girls and a boy. They were laughing, but stopped when they noticed the private party.
“Oh,” the girl in the middle said, looking at her friends nervously. “We’re really sorry. The sign on the door said you were, um, open ...”
Tabby smiled. “That’s right, dears, we are ... as long as you don’t mind us having our own little celebration. My niece has a new job, you see, abroad... she leaves tomorrow...”
“Oh, congratu “ James Potter?” The girl’s mouth fell open, and then she grinned widely. “I don’t believe it!”
He looked behind him with equal surprise, as if he might see another James Potter standing there. “I’m sorry, do I, um, know you?”
The girl laughed. “And Lily! And “ don’t tell me “ Sirius is here somewhere, isn’t he?”
Sirius raised his hand slowly, like a guilty schoolboy admitting to an accusation. The girl seemed delighted, despite their blank faces.
“Don’t you recognise me at all?” she giggled.
Marty stepped forwards, with her first genuine smile since arriving. “Luanne. How have you been?”
“Good,” she replied, and the two hugged. James made a choking noise, and disentangled himself from his wife to make his way through the crowd in shock.
“Luanne? But “ it can’t be you!”
She giggled again. “Hi, Dad.” The two, who had a rather strange history, also hugged. “Don’t tell me you’re a real dad now?” She gestured towards Lily, who waved in a cheery but bemused fashion.
James nodded. “Yep. Or, soon to be. You’re one of the reasons I’m not terrified. Much. I was a good father, right?” he added in a low voice, just to check.
“Absolutely. You see, guys!” she turned to her two friends. “I told you I wasn’t lying. I really did know the Marauders!”
“We thought she was exaggerating,” the boy explained.
James still looked shocked, but happy at the reunion. “Never. I didn’t raise my adopted daughter to embellish the truth. I hope you’ve been good?” he asked warningly.
She shrugged. “When I feel like it.”
James frowned in disapproval, but Sirius stepped forwards, laughing. “We really did raise you well! How old are you now?”
She smiled proudly. “Seventeen. I’m starting my last year in September.”
James started choking, seemingly on absolutely nothing at all. Sirius patted him on the back calmly, but he seemed mesmerised by the image in front of him. “You look great,” he said. James hit him protectively on the arm, but unfortunately wasn’t able to talk yet.
But Sirius was right. When they had known her, she had been eleven or twelve, spirited in nature but pretty awkward in everything else. She had truly blossomed in the five years or so since they had last seen her.
“Are you her boyfriend?” James demanded of the boy when he had regained his composure “ or rather, his ability to speak.
“James!”
He looked at her apologetically. “I’m sorry, Luanne, but I have to ask these questions for your own good.”
“No you don’t, you big “”
“No, sir,” the boy said quickly, shaking his head. “Just her friend.”
James looked pleased. “Good. Then keep it that way. And none of those impure thoughts I know you boys have when you think no one’s performing Legilimensy.” Luanne spluttered incoherently, as Marty and Sirius tried to stifle their laughter. “Now, Luanne,” James continued as if he hadn’t said anything out of the ordinary. “Why are you still standing around like you might leave at any moment? Come and sit with me and Lily... we got married, you know.”
“Yes, I heard,” Luanne nodded, following him over to their table. “I was so pleased for you both... is he a better husband than he is a father?”
James looked shocked, and deeply hurt. “You said I was a good dad! I always looked out for you, didn’t I?”
Luanne laughed again, long and loud. It was the most lively sound anyone had heard that night. It was as if someone had brought some hope back into the room. “Merlin!” she managed to gasp out. “You really are easy to wind up, aren’t you? I’d forgotten, I really had!”
Lily joined in the laughter, earning herself a mock betrayed look from her husband.
“Thank you very much for all your support.”
She composed herself enough to quickly lean over and kiss him on the cheek, before she started giggling madly again.
As things, for most people, slowly began to pick up, Sirius stood up to make a speech.
“Firstly, we’d like to thank everyone we invited for coming... and if you’re a crasher like Luanne, then I suppose we don’t mind having you.” Everyone laughed, and she stuck her tongue out at him. Remus continued to look subdued. “Now I’m fairly sure,” Sirius went on, “that everyone in this room has been blessed by Marty in some way. I have truly never met anyone quite like her, and I am sure numerous charities and various Causes all have a lot to thank her for. But no one more than her closest friends. You may be weird, Price, but you are wonderful, and I think we all know that we would be lost without you.”
Marty, sitting with her nephew Linden on her lap, had a single tear. There was a lot encapsulated in that one tear. Happiness, loss, fear, pure overwhelming emotion that was impossible to name. But it was just the one. She had come a long way from the vulnerable sixteen year old, who so often clung to Remus when she was in need. Now it felt like they had reversed their roles “ except he wasn’t clinging to her. He was just wallowing in his own unnecessary grief, mourning an event which hadn’t even happened yet, refusing to engage in any kind of conversation with anyone. She stared at the back of his head for a moment, desperately trying to will him to turn around, walk over to her, and take her hand. But he didn’t. She tried to focus back on Sirius.
“Now, one of the things I always think of when I think of Marty is the day we first made friends with her one summer, and she announced, quite out of the blue, that she was, in fact, our biographer. She showed us this notebook full of observations she’d made and conversations she’d overheard. Stalkerish? A little bit. But these weren’t just random transcripts, they were really analytical. It was incredible. And there was just so much of it. If there’s anything you want to know about our years at Hogwarts, she’s the one to ask, we know nothing in comparison.”
Marty laughed in a vaguely embarrassed manner. It felt like she hadn’t thought about their school years for a millennia. Not even seeing Luanne brought back the same kinds of memories as the description of The Book.
“Unfortunately, when we left school,” Sirius continued, “We were all far too busy to swan around publishing books, let alone actually writing them, even if there was already seven years worth of research.”
This much was true, considered Marty. It had felt as if they had graduated straight from Hogwarts and into the Order of the Phoenix, with barely a day off since. Sirius had mentioned it flippantly “ unless you knew he was talking about battling Voldemort, you could never have known. But that was exactly what they’d been doing. They were all weary of war, and it was hard to see any hope at the end of the tunnel. That was why she had to go abroad. They had to know that the other magical communities wouldn’t just abandon them if their own Ministry fell. Britain couldn’t be left to burn itself out, like a forest fire that was allowed to rage on, in the expectation that it couldn’t last forever. Because there was no guarantee that that was true “ or that it could ever be contained.
“Well, Marty, we have a surprise for you. Something to remember us by while you go off travelling and get a nice tan. It’s not perfect, because we weren’t sure what you wanted to include, or the order you had planned. But there’s a contents page, so you should be able find your way around. We would like to present, if it pleases you, the very first unofficial publication of our biography and character study. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for Our Tale by the lovely, barmy, and frankly delectable Martina Price!”
Marty’s head snapped up. Her mind had been wandering into the future, to the task ahead of her, and to a life without Remus as an everyday fixture. Surely she hadn’t heard what she thought she’d heard?
“What?”
“Come on up here, my lovely!” Sirius insisted, grinning, and holding out a book towards her. When she got closer, she saw that it was true, and they really had made all her notes into the book they’d been intended for. The cover was gorgeous. There was a picture of the four boys, herself and Lily at graduation. James was standing behind Lily with his arms around the front of her waist, his chin resting on the top of her head and his tongue sticking out, while she laughed at whatever the person taking the picture had said. Marty had a feeling it had been one of the other Gryffindor girls, Mary, who had finally gotten over her love for James when she saw how perfectly he fit with Lily. In the middle, Sirius had one arm around Remus, who was holding hands with Marty’s younger self, and had his other hand reaching behind Peter’s head with his two fingers poking over the top like little bunny ears. The picture moved very little. Occasionally the little figures would turn their heads to look at each other, or pull a funny face, but mostly they stayed where they were. Because why would they, at eighteen, have wanted to change anything?
It was one of her favourite photographs. This, the one on the café wall of her, Tabby and her mother on their last holiday together, and one of her and Remus, just a few months after they had become a couple. They had still been nervous, and slightly awkward, unsure of exactly how to act around each other as an official pair, both in private and public. But it was a sweet picture, the happy, nervous and excited anticipation for the future emanating from the frame like electricity.
That feeling had disappeared long ago. They grew more comfortable, fell into their own routine, still in love but more like a contented husband and wife than two giddy teenagers. And lately “ as the war had got worse, pressure had mounted, and she had taken on the mission abroad “ it was almost as if they were strangers. She wondered if they were still together because they loved each other, or because they were too afraid to admit that something was wrong when everything else happening around them seemed so much more important.
Sirius must have picked up on her sudden sombrely wandering thoughts, because he nudged her companionably. “Look inside “ it’s got real words and everything!”
Dragging herself back to the present, she opened the cover and found the contents page “ seven years broken up into sub categories, then an overall analysis of each Marauder. She flicked through the pages and stopped at a random one. It was an interview she had conducted with Professor McGonagall, who seemed more interested in making sure that Marty had performed well in her OWLs. Marty laughed.
“I love this one,” she said, and then reached up and gave Sirius a hug, kissing him on the cheek happily. “I love the whole thing. It’s amazing, thank you so much.”
“We helped!” insisted James loudly, obviously not liking the idea that Sirius would win all the credit.
“Thank you to all of you,” she said, going over first to Peter, then James, and then Lily. “Especially thank you to you, Lily, since I doubt these idiots could have done it on their own.”
She laughed, “You know, they were surprisingly good. But it’s not much of a surprise that they’d enjoy making a book about themselves now, is it?”
Marty wanted to thank Remus too, she was sure he must have been a part of it. But he refused to even look at her, so she went back and stood by Sirius, who smiled and hugged her again.
“Now don’t you be making so many exotic friends that you forget all about us, you hear? I’m not having some foreigners claiming to like you more than us, or taking you out for drinks and making all these new in-jokes that we don’t understand!”
“Your request has been duly noted, Mr Black,” she replied with heavy sarcasm, and then giggled. “I’ll miss you.”
“Hey, don’t be talking like that. You’ll be home before you know it, with lovely tanned skin and lots of souvenirs for all of us I should hope.”
She laughed again. She liked that he was making light of her trip, as if she was simply going travelling to see the world or broaden her horizons. In reality, she knew that there was no way she would have time to lie around tanning, or making friends, or buying presents. She’d be lucky to return home at all. Luckier still to see her friends alive and healthy when she did.
Everyone soon fell back into their own individual groups, and Marty continued to move around, her book under her arm, talking to her guests as she did. She still avoided Remus.
Once she had made sure she had spoken to everyone else, she sat down at the table with James, Lily and Luanne, who were all deep in conversation about Luanne’s current life at Hogwarts.
“For the last time,” she was insisting. “He’s really not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend. And not a creepy friend who’s always trying to look down my shirt or anything, either. Just like Lily is friends with Sirius without anything else going on.”
“Lily has me,” James replied firmly. “Are you saying he’s just your friend because you have someone else and that’s why you don’t think of him in that way?”
“No! For Merlin’s sake, if you keep asking about my imaginary boyfriend, I will actually get up and sit with my normal, platonic friends over there. They’re probably wanting to leave soon anyway.”
“Don’t you dare,” James said. “We haven’t even talked about your plans for the future yet. Do you know what area you’re going to go into? Have you had a careers meeting with McGonagall?”
“Do you know, James, I think you may actually be worse than my real parents. They don’t feel the need to interrogate me about every tiny detail of my life...”
“I keep telling you, we are your real parents,” he said, looking exasperated. She turned to Marty.
“He really hasn’t changed a bit, has he?”
Marty smiled. “You know, I think seeing you has reverted him back to his old ways. For a while I thought he really had grown up a little bit, but meeting you here must have caused him to regress to his teenage state again. It’s very interesting. You know, psychologically.”
Luanne grimaced. “Sorry, Lily. Are you going to have to put up with a sixteen year old boy for a husband from now on? Because that just doesn’t sound like fun.”
“It’s okay,” she laughed, looking at him lovingly as he pretended to sulk. “He’s always been sixteen inside... it’s just something I’ve had to learn to live with. It’s Marty I feel sorry for.”
Marty jumped. “What? Why would you say that?”
Lily looked at her seriously. “Well, I’d rather have a husband who still resembled my teenage boyfriend inside than a boyfriend who resembled a ghost inside.”
Marty’s face reddened, and she looked down into the depths of her drink. “You noticed that, did you?”
James, coming out of his fake sulk and seeming to mature again before their very eyes, rested his free hand on top of the one already entwined with his wife’s.
“Lily, sweetheart, what did I tell you about interfering with this?”
“Not to do it and to let them mess up their own lives if they wanted to be that stupid. But, sweetheart, I’m afraid I just can’t do that when they’re about to be separated for Merlin knows how long. And besides, when did I ever do anything you told me to before?”
“That’s true, although I don’t know why you had to make the ‘sweetheart’ all sarcastic sounding. I was trying to be nice.”
“Just because I need you tell me the way to my own house these days doesn’t mean you can talk down to me like I’m some kind of child.”
Luanne looked over at Marty and raised her eyebrows. She giggled, but Marty could manage only a half-hearted smile in response. Lily was right. This thing with Remus was stupid. They were adults now, surely they needed to be capable of talking about their problems openly, not avoiding each other like children.
“Fine,” Lily was saying grudgingly. “Fine. I won’t say anything else. I’ll leave them to make their own mistakes, because that’s what real friends do.”
“You can say something else,” Marty told her.
She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, because what I just said was complete nonsense. Marty, you have to talk to Remus about what’s going on, because you’re leaving soon and you might not get another chance. Not for a long time, anyway. Why would you want to spend your last night in the same country as him sulking and avoiding the poor love?”
“I think you’ll find that he’s the one sulking and avoiding me,” she pointed out, indicating Remus, who was sitting in the same space he had occupied all night, completely alone and refusing to engage in any kind of conversation.
“I don’t care,” Lily snapped. Marty jumped at the tone. “Now get your bum over there and demand to talk to him about what’s happening.”
“Bum?” Luanne repeated sceptically.
“We’re not allowed to swear in front of the baby,” James explained. “She thinks it can hear us.”
“It is your son or daughter, thank you very much, and I think you’ll find that he or she can hear us. I’m not letting him or her pick up bad language before he or she can even talk.”
“Do you see how it’s easier to just say ‘it’ until we find out the sex?”
“Our baby is not an object, James, and I won’t refer to it as such! It will think we don’t love it!”
“I’m sorry... you won’t refer to what as such?”
She blinked, and recounted her own words in her head for a moment. Then she realised he was right. “Oh, bugger it...”
*~*~*
Remus knew it had to end soon. Not just the leaving party, although that couldn’t go on much longer unless they wanted to draw attention to themselves. And in this day and age, that was the last thing anybody wanted. But this solitude, this refusing to speak to anyone. To Marty. It couldn’t go on. He knew things had been tense between them lately, even if he hadn’t wanted to admit it. But it wasn’t that he loved her any less. Of course he didn’t. He couldn’t possibly imagine being without her, and that was part of the problem. It was just that there seemed to be this thing between them all the time, that had never been there before. Something stopping them from being at ease again, or even happy.
Maybe it was seeing Lily and James so happy. Everything else was crumbling around them, but when they were together it was clear they wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. They both threw themselves into the work of the Order, but when that was over, it was as if they went back to being a normal couple. He and Marty weren’t like that. It was probably that they thought about things too much, in too much detail. They could both brood, it was just that before, they had always been able to pull the other one out of it. They hadn’t ever both felt like this at the same time before, and one of them needed to make the first move before she left and it was possible that they would never see each other again.
That was it. He had to just swallow his emotion, stride over to her, and insist they talk things through properly. It would be fine. They couldn’t spend their potential last night on these terms.
He downed the rest of his drink and stood. When he turned around, she was just about to reach him.
“Oh!” she exclaimed in surprise. “Are you leaving?”
“No,” he said, sounding surprised that she would think something like that. “Why would I leave my own girlfriend’s send off party?” He said it tentatively, unsurely, wanting to make sure she understood. She looked dubious.
“I am still your girlfriend then?”
“Marty “ of course you are. Why would you say that?”
“Well, it just hasn’t exactly felt like it lately. You’ve barely acknowledged me all night. I mean, I’m not one of those weird girls who needs her boyfriend’s attention every second of the day or she thinks he doesn’t love her anymore. But I am leaving tomorrow, and who knows when I might come back?” She wanted to say if. If I might come back. But she didn’t. “I mean, I know you’re worried about me and you don’t want me to go. But ignoring me isn’t likely to make that happen. You can’t make that happen. I have to go. So I really would have liked your support. And not just tonight, either. Remus, it feels like we’ve barely spoken to each other in weeks.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure you are, but that doesn’t explain it.”
“I “ look, I love you, okay? And I’m sorry that I’ve been acting like such an ass, but it’s only because I can’t stand the thought of not seeing you every day. Of not being able to know where you are, or what you’re doing or if you’re even okay. And if “” he stopped himself and lowered his voice. He was fairly certain there were no spies here. But you could never be too careful. “If anything happened to you “ how would I know? Or vice versa?”
“Nothing is going to happen to either of us,” Marty insisted, layering her voice with meaning. They couldn’t talk about it here. She had kept her association with the Order extremely well hushed up. She was never part of the big missions like Lily, James and Sirius insisted on being. She was not naturally a fighter in that way, and rarely even went to the meetings. But she did a lot of work for them behind the scenes, invaluable work that couldn’t be traced back to her. She had insisted upon this when she joined. Her family had already been sent a warning once when her mother was murdered. Everybody knew it was because they had made their opposition to Voldemort too public, and with her Aunt expecting a child at the time, she had not wanted to put them in any more danger than they already were.
“I know,” he said, understanding her and nodding. “But you have to admit... the party... it’s not really low-key, is it?”
“And why should it be? I work for the Department of International Magical Cooperation, and I got an amazing opportunity to be transferred abroad. It’s not surprising “ I’m good at my job, but not so important that they couldn’t possibly do without me. I get on with people, I even speak another language or two. I’m not tied down by marriage or kids. And let’s be honest, if you’re going to leave the country, now’s a good time. And besides, it’s not like I’ve got anything to hide, is it? I’m not moving abroad secretly or in the middle of the night, my Portkey is Ministry authorised, and the only way we could have been more honest about my leaving is if we put an ad in the Prophet. And the real deal-breaker is that my own mother was killed for bringing too much attention to herself, so why on earth would I ever risk doing the same thing? I think You-Know-Who has bigger things to worry about.”
He sighed, and took her hand. “I know. You’re right. But I’ll miss you. And I’d worry about you wherever you were going, you know I would. It’s a dangerous world. And I want to know that you’ll be safe. And that you’ll come home once “ well, that you’ll come home.”
“Of course I will. But in the meantime, you can’t worry about me, I can look after myself. It’s far more dangerous to be inside Britain than out. You just make sure that when I do come home, I’ve got someone to come home to, all right?”
He smiled. “Deal. And I really am sorry, you know. For being so stupid.”
She shrugged. “Please. I’ve been with you since we were sixteen years old. I think I can handle a bit of stupidity every now and then.”
*~*~*
It was getting late, and people were beginning to say their goodbyes and go home; no one liked staying out too late, and they had jobs in the morning, or in some cases an international Portkey to catch. Marty was smiling. She had her new book under her arm and she was finally reconciled with Remus. Yes, the future was uncertain, and no, she wasn’t the person she used to be. But she was still Marty Price, and if that meant anything it meant that she was optimistic for the future. She kissed Peter on the cheek on his way out, and threw her arms around Sirius as if she would never let go. Then she found Lily, and rested her hand on the bump for one final time.
“I’m sorry I won’t be around when it first comes. That is, he or she.”
Lily smiled, and there were silly hormonal tears in her eyes which she wiped away indignantly. She had promised everyone “ Marty, James, herself “ that she would be strong for this moment. “I’m sorry too. I mean, besides from possibly James, there’s no one I want my baby to know more than you. I want you as Godmother, but of course you’ll never be able to make the ceremony ...” she looked at her friend hopefully for a moment, then sighed when she shook her head. “I thought not. But you should know that if you weren’t buggering off to see the world, then I would physically force you to be Godmother, even if I had to kidnap you in order to make you do it.”
Marty laughed. “That wouldn’t be necessary. If I wasn’t buggering off to see the world, then you wouldn’t be able to keep me away. But don’t worry. I expect big things from this kid... and with you and James as the parents, that’s practically a guarantee.”
“With me and James as the parents, the poor love will be lucky to escape complete lunacy...”
Marty laughed. “I love you, Lily.”
She promptly burst into tears. “Oh, for Merlin’s sake, what are you trying to do to me, you nutter? Why’d you have to go and say something like that?”
“I don’t know!” Marty exclaimed, now joining in the tears and enveloping her friend in a hug. “It just felt right! I’m going to miss you so much!”
“Wow,” Luanne said to James, just a little way off as they both watched the girls. “That is pure emotion right there. Anyone would think she’s not coming home again.”
James said nothing, but Luanne didn’t notice, and turned back to him with a large smile on her face, full of innocence and naivety. “So now that we’ve been reunited, are you going to keep in touch properly this time? Because you said you would before, but I think I got one letter and then nothing else ever again ...”
He took a deep breath, knowing what was coming, and then shook his head. She looked shocked and hurt as her face fell. “I’m sorry!” he insisted. “I think you’re amazing, I always have. That’s why saying I’d adopt you wasn’t just a joke I made one time and then forgot about. I thought you were brilliant, and I still do. But that’s why we can’t keep in touch.”
She raised her eyebrows. “How on earth does that possibly make sense?”
“Look,” he muttered, pulling her aside, and pretending to point to a poster on the wall. “Pretend like you find what I’m pointing at interesting. Now, you’ve seen the newspapers. You must know what’s going on. Let’s just say that if it wasn’t for some of the people who may or may not be in this room, the papers would have even more bad news to report. And I wouldn’t want you to have any kind of connection with something that might put you at risk, no matter how casual the link between us was.”
Luanne frowned. “You mean ... you’re, what? Fighting against ... You-Know “”
“No, I haven’t got any idea what you’re talking about,” he insisted, whilst nodding his head up and down slowly. Her eyes widened, but she seemed to catch on to the need for concealment almost immediately, and looked back at the poster with feigned concentration.
“Well good,” she said firmly. “I wouldn’t like the thought of you putting yourself in dangerous situations or anything, that would worry me quite a lot. Especially if I didn’t have any kind of way of knowing that you were safe.”
“Well, you shouldn’t worry, because if that were true, then I’m fairly certain we would be putting ourselves in potentially dangerous situations with the best intentions in the world. We would, I’m sure, be trying to ensure a better future for our children.” At this point, he pulled her into a tight hug, which she reciprocated with equal emotion. “All of our children.”
They pulled apart, and she gave a mock salute. “In that case, I will most certainly get in touch with you in the future. When all this is over.”
He stared at her. When all this is over. It seemed such a simple statement, said without any kind of doubt or uncertainty. How could he explain to her that no matter how optimistic he tried to be, it might never be over? And even if it was, how could he tell someone so young and pure that he might not be around to get in touch with? It was too hard. He liked her too much to do something so cruel, and his throat was closing up at the thought. He had to protect her.
He had to lie.
“Definitely,” he eventually managed to say. He felt like the pause had gone on for years as he tried to collect himself, but she barely seemed to have noticed it. He forced his happy, joking self back up to the surface. He couldn’t lose that. The moment he lost that, the moment anyone lost their way of connecting themselves to normality, they were done for. He forced himself to smile. “We’ll definitely get in touch. I am going to cramp your style so much that you’ll wish you’d never asked me.”
“Is that a promise?”
He pulled her back into another hug, so that she wouldn’t see him close his eyes in utter despair as he lied to her again. “That’s definitely a promise. You and Lily would both murder me if I broke it.”
“True. Take care of yourself, James.” She reached up and pecked him lightly on the cheek, then bounded over to her friends with that infinite energy of youth. He stared after her, and then slowly made his way over to his wife, trying to give her and Marty as long as possible before he had to swoop in and break them up.
“Lily,” he eventually said, feeling so guilty that he almost added a sweetheart, but stopping himself. He didn’t want to get yelled at again. “We have to go soon.”
“No we don’t,” insisted Lily, pulling Marty into another hug. “She’s leaving tomorrow. Haven’t you heard?”
“I know. We’ll see her soon.”
How do you know? Lily wanted to ask. For all she knew, this was the last time she would ever see her best friend. And that wasn’t crazy irrational pregnant lady thoughts. That was the truth. They’d been avoiding it all evening, and part of that was to avoid being murdered in their beds. But at the same time, none of them wanted to face up to the fact that they might be spending their last months on earth apart from each other. She didn’t want that. Not with Marty. Who cared if she was the ideal person to go? She was also popular. Why couldn’t they send someone else? Some nameless, faceless figure who was just as perfectly positioned, but didn’t have quite so many friends.
But she couldn’t say any of this. She had to swallow it down, and smile as widely as possible because maybe then things would be all right. “You know you’re leaving me in the company of four boys, don’t you? You’re the only girl I ever see. And if this baby is a boy too, then Merlin only knows the state I’ll be in when you come back. I’ll be burping and swearing and scratching myself...”
“That’s a very stereotypical view of gender roles isn’t it, Lily?” James asked, mildly offended.
“Shut up, you... man... you. Marty, you have to tell your bosses you can’t go. This is madness, leaving me with these people.”
“You married me!” he protested. He was ignored.
“You know what, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Marty assured her. “In fact, when I come home, I expect the opposite. James will be knitting, Sirius will be cleaning, and Peter will have taken up ballet dancing.”
“And Remus?” Lily asked, without wanting to but at the same time not regretting it.
Marty laughed, and Lily was relieved. They must have worked things out for her to laugh like that rather than blush and look away and mumble something about the current economic situation and did she think the price of newt eyes would go up again? She was pleased. “Come on, Lily, Remus doesn’t need to do any of those things. He’s already a woman.”
James burst out laughing.
“I heard that.”
“Remus!” Marty exclaimed, torn between humiliation and joining in the laughter of her friends. She was leaning towards the laughter. “You’re standing right behind me! What a delightful surprise!”
“Come on, Lily,” James said again gently. “We really have to go now. Tabby can’t stay open too late, people might decide to find out what all the fuss is about... we wouldn’t want any gatecrashers after we’ve avoided them all night, would we?”
“Fine,” Lily muttered, pulling Marty into one last hug. “And stop patronising me.”
“I’ll miss you,” Marty told her, not wanting to let go.
“I’ll miss you too. Loser. Be safe.”
“You too. Both of you,” she added, glaring at James over Lily’s shoulder. He shrugged.
Once he too had hugged Marty one final time, he took both of Lily’s hands in his, and they disapparated from the café together, arriving in their living room at Godric’s Hollow.
“Merlin help me,” Lily muttered, sinking slowly onto the sofa. “If I had to smile any more, I think I would have cried.”
James took in her already tear-stained face, and considered making some sort of sarcastic statement. But he didn’t. He knew how she felt. He sat down next to her with his arms around her, and they leaned against each other, both giving and taking strength just from the other being there. From not having to keep up the act any more, even if it was only for an hour or two.
“Do you think we’ll ever see her again?” asked Lily after some time, in a tiny voice that she immediately wanted to take back.
James considered saying yes. But he’d had enough of lying about the future to people he cared about. It was slowly killing him.
“I don’t know,” he admitted, in a voice equally small. He sighed. It was somewhat cathartic, telling the truth for once. Admitting that things might not go quite to plan. If there was anyone he could be truthful to, surely it was her? And he knew that she, in turn, needed the honesty. Just for now.
“Okay.” She closed her eyes, and pulled him a little closer. “Thank you.”
There was a long silence as their thoughts wandered in different yet similar directions. They continued to lean against each other, drawing strength where and when they could. They needed as much as they could get.
“Now,” she said eventually, taking a deep breath. “Tell me what happened to you and Sirius.”
*~*~*
At the café, Marty was saying one last goodbye to the other guests left behind “ not that there were many. Before long, it was herself and Remus, Tabby and Garfield, who had just put Linden to bed, despite his sleepy and yawning instances that he was wide awake.
“Out like a lamp,” Tabby said, warmly.
“You mean like a light,” Garfield corrected her. She shrugged. She had been getting these sayings wrong for so long that one more really didn’t bother her.
“Are you all packed?” she asked her niece, busily wiping down the counter to distract herself.
“Of course I am. I’ve been packed for days.”
“Good. Good. And did you pack, um, any warm clothes? Or will you not need any?”
“You’re not very subtle,” was all Marty said in reply. Tabby looked at her sadly. If only she could know where it was Marty was going, maybe she would worry less. She could at least picture her there. But barely even knowing which country she was going to first ... it was like picturing a black hole, sucking in her niece without any notice as to where she might be taking her or when she would be coming back.
“If you’d just give me a hint ...”
“No! If anyone tries to find out where I am, I want them to use Legilimensy on you, realise you don’t know anything, and move on without any more questions. And besides, there’s no guarantee I’ll stay there for very long.”
“But it’s a starting point, my love, and if we ever need to track you down, at least we’ll know where to go first. And isn’t it on Ministry business anyway? You know ... officially?”
“You won’t need to track me down. I’ll be safe. And yes, officially it is. But it doesn’t matter, I’m still not telling you.”
“Remus, tell her! Just the first country won’t hurt anyone. The first continent.”
Remus shrugged. “Sorry. I stopped trying to persuade her to change her mind about things years ago. She’s very determined when she wants to be.”
“Garfield?”
“If Marty says she’ll be safe, we’re just going to have to trust her. I daresay people are in danger wherever they go these days anyway.”
Tabby sighed bitterly. “Fine. We’ll see you when you get back.” And then she continued scrubbing the counter, like Voldemort himself had been sitting on it.
Marty walked behind it purposefully to stand next to Tabby, pulling out her wand as she went. “Scourgify. Now stop being silly and say goodbye properly.”
Tabby tossed aside the cloth and threw her arms around her neck. The girl may have been her sister’s daughter, but even before Saffy had died, she’d always felt the same maternal instinct. She had raised Marty from a baby, by her sister’s side for sixteen years, and alone ever since then. She had her own son now, and although she had been filled with joy when she first realised she was pregnant, she’d never been sad before then, when she had thought she would never have children of her own. She had never craved them, because she had never felt like she was missing out. And now, like all children, Marty had grown up, and she was leaving. And Tabby didn’t even know where she was going.
Or if she’d ever see her again.
They pulled apart, both wiping away a tear simultaneously, and for a moment Remus was struck with how similar they really were.
And then the moment passed. Marty kissed Garfield on the cheek, and then came back over to where he was standing, and then took his hand simply.
“Come on. Let’s go home.”
And then she blew a kiss to her Aunt, and then she wished she had seen Linden one last time, and then they were gone, appearing in their flat and looking around them, almost surprised to see how quiet and empty it was. They had been surrounded by people all night, and now that they were suddenly alone, it felt strange. They were nervous again, like they were sixteen and still awkwardly trying to figure out how to act around each other.
He looked over at her, to see if she felt the same, and was shocked to see that she was still crying. He had seen her cry before, quite a few times. He remembered the day it had all seemed to begin, when he and his friends had seen her standing outside her destroyed home in Diagon Alley the day, and she had just thrown herself at him. But this seemed different. It was silent, simple. Hopeless. She had always been known for her optimism, but at that moment it had all been stripped away. Without saying anything, he let go of her hand and took her in his arms, holding her against him and trying to be strong now that she truly needed him. Because that’s what they did. That’s what they’d always done. He had said it in their sixth year, moments before they had had their first ever kiss. It had been self-conscious and awkward and he wasn’t even sure she’d understood, but it was still true to this day. They had grown up and had been through so much more since then ... but it was still true.
It’s like where you’re wacky, I’m ordinary, and where you’re scared, I’m strong. But where I’m scared, you’re the one that’s strong. Where I see a problem, you see a solution. Everything bad about me is good about you and the other way around. You know, together we almost make a whole person.
Almost. And yet the next morning, they would be pulled apart. Possibly forever. He could try to deny it, even try to run away from it. But come morning, it would still happen. And maybe now that he had admitted it, it would be easier than he thought. Or maybe it would be harder. But either way it was still unavoidable. So all they could do was make the most of the time they had left.
Because even though it was a silly and dramatic cliché, they didn’t have any other choice.
*~*~*
She landed on the ground gracefully, and went from being excited that for the first time ever, she hadn’t fallen over like an idiot, to irritated that no one had been around to see it.
And then she remembered why she was here. She looked around, and brushed herself down, then picked up her case. She was in an alley, and she could hear people talking in rapid French in the distance. She grimaced to herself. Learning and practising a language with other English people was very different to communicating with natives tongues. And she actually knew French. Some of the places she was going, it was an entirely different story.
She wasn’t sure how long this would take “ months, even years. It was true that officially she was travelling on behalf of International Magical Cooperation. But she was pretty sure she wouldn’t return home until the troubles were either over, or the help she’d secretly been trying raise in case things went too far was actually needed. She hoped it was the former. She hoped that even if she managed to get a secret promise of support from a hundred foreign ministries, she would never have to use it. Never have to be the one to create a wizarding war that was on an international scale. She would keep that from happening for as long as she possibly could. But however long this mission went on for, and even if she never saw the people she cared about again, at least she knew that she had left them on the best possible terms. And that was more than a lot of people got to say. But for now, she just had to do the best she could to help ensure that she would see them again one day.
And this seemed like as good a place to start as any.
*~*~*
Marty,
I hope this reaches you before you find out by some other means. Tonight finally saw the end of Voldemort’s power within Britain, but at great cost. It pains me to have to tell you that the final lives he took before his defeat were those of Lily and James Potter, who were in hiding at the time. However, their position was betrayed by their secret-keeper, Sirius Black. He has since been arrested, but not before he was able to murder some victims of his own“including one Peter Pettigrew.
I am truly sorry to be the one to relate this to you, and I understand that no words will be of comfort. However, know that their son, Harry, is safe in the care of Lily’s sister, and that Remus, while understandably distressed, is unharmed, as are your family.
I am infinitely grateful for the work you have undergone abroad, and I am only glad that any promises you received will not have to be fulfilled. We must now concentrate on rebuilding our society in the hope that it will learn from its recent troubles, and I am sure that your family and loved ones will be very happy to see you once more, as will I, should you wish to return.
Once again, my sincere gratitude for all you have achieved, and condolences for your loss.
Albus Dumbledore
*~*~*
She had been travelling for over a year, and although she was constantly moving, she had some semblance of routine. Although officially she was based in France, she had been all over the world. Anywhere that the magical community was organised and prospering, she was willing to bet she had spent some time there, however brief. Most people love travelling, and for the most part, so did she. But it had been over a year, and with no news from those she cared about, she was just ready to go home.
Officially, when she arrived in a new country, she would make contact with their Ministry. Go to some meetings, shake some hands. The Department of International Magical Cooperation wanted her to be “establishing links” and every now and then she was sent some paperwork or a specific task. What they really wanted, she suspected, was to put on a front to the outside world, as if to reassure them that everything was fine. However, Marty was unofficially pursuing her own agenda. Or rather, Dumbledore’s.
It was simple. She just had to keep her ears open. Find out who had the most influence, whether it was officially or not, and who was the most respected and revered“and more importantly, why. And if it sounded as if they had that respect for good reason, she would seek them out.
Sometimes she arranged a meeting, other times she “accidentally” bumped into them. And then she tested the water. She would, at first, smile and laugh and be charming. Then she would slowly drop hints at the troubles in Britain. If they already knew, or if they seemed interested, she went on. Told a specific anecdote to illustrate the horror. Dropped the name of Albus Dumbledore. If they continued to show interest, she would push it even further, and, insisting that it remained “off the record”, voiced her own opinions on the matter. That it was worse than most realised; certainly worse than her Ministry pretended. That she feared it could not be stopped and it would not simply just “go away”. That it could spread.
And then came the tricky part. She would lean in closer, lower her voice, and say, “The thing is...” And then she expressed her worry that if Voldemort took over the Ministry, that would be it.
“There are people fighting him... separate from our Ministry. But if things get really bad... and I’m talking really bad...” And then she would stop, and sit back and shake her head. “No. I can’t. If anyone found out I had mentioned this... This isn’t why I’m here. This isn’t why my Ministry sent me.”
And she would wait for them to make the next move. Almost invariably, they would. And she would lean forward again. “It’s Dumbledore. He’s an amazing wizard. But he can’t do it alone. We need the support of outsiders. It will most likely come to nothing. But I know you have influence here. And if things get really bad... I’d like to think that we could count on you for support.”
And then there was always a moment, when everything hung in the balance. All her nerves would be on fire, her heart racing. If she had done this wrong... chosen the wrong person, approached it in the wrong way, given the impression that this is what the Ministry had asked her to do“she couldn’t let that happen. It had to be secret. It all had to be secret. Just in case.
But she had been chosen for this mission for a reason, and she was good at it. Her charm, her urgency, her obvious passion and distress somehow convinced almost all of them. Some more than others, admittedly, and she didn’t know how many would be able to stay true to their word. But enough. Enough.
She just hoped she’d never have to find out.
After she had their promise, usually she would talk to them for longer, discuss communication, how far the “support” may go, and what would count as Voldemort going “too far.”
Sometimes she would meet them for a second time, even a third.
But she never stayed in one place longer than a couple of weeks. She didn’t want to become too settled, or form too strong a bond with anybody she encountered, because she knew that she would be forced to leave again. She had to keep moving. So much depended on her.
And she had learnt her lesson with Julian.
And then, one day, as she was packing away her things in preparation to leave a hot tropical country far from home, an owl flew though the window towards her.
Terror immediately gripped her heart. She had received only one piece of post since she had left England, and that had been the photo of a tiny baby boy with jet black hair and big green eyes, reaching his hands towards the lens of the camera and giggling. On the back of the photo, in Lily’s handwriting and green ink, was the name “Harry”.
No address, no signature, just the name. Of course, she had been furious. How could James have agreed to it? Any contact had been forbidden by Dumbledore unless one of two things happened. Voldemort was defeated, or it was time to see how many of the people she had obtained a promise from would stick to their word. But that didn’t mean she didn’t treasure the photograph more then anything, tucked away in the sleeve of the book Sirius had given at her leaving party.
As she saw the owl approaching, she didn’t dare to allow herself to hope for the former reason for writing. And if it was the latter, it might just make her“her, Marty Price, peace lover and activist for that all-elusive Cause“responsible for the first ever worldwide war of magic. She didn’t want that kind of power or responsibility. She just wanted to see her family.
Her windows were wide open, and the bird flew straight in.
*~*~*
Aunt Tabby,
I’m coming home.
Marty x
*~*~*
She had been through grief before. She had thought that nothing could be worse than a daughter losing her mother. She had been wrong. It wasn’t that she cared more about losing a best friend. It was that she’d lost four of her best friends all in one go. They had been a six, a strong and close band of six best friends who would always look out for each other. And suddenly, there were only two. And what was worse, it could all have been avoided, but it was the betrayal of one within their group“of Sirius“that had made it happen. She couldn’t understand it.
What had happened in that year she had been away? How had Sirius, the wonderful man who had presented her with the book and hugged her goodbye so tightly that she could barely breathe... how had he become a Death Eater and killed three of his best friends in the space of a year? He couldn’t have been a spy when she left. That was absurd. He knew where she was going. She had only told him, Remus, Lily and James, because the less people who knew the better. Why hadn’t she been killed too? Why hadn’t he passed that little nugget on? None of it made any sense, and she couldn’t think straight because it was just crazy. They couldn’t be gone. She was numb all over. One part of her brain was telling her one thing, but another part refused to accept it. They’re gone didn’t have any kind of meaning because it was impossible. Lily and James existed. They were. She couldn’t imagine a time when they hadn’t simply been, and she couldn’t understand how anything could go on without them. They were two of the most purely present people she had ever known. Their love, their passion, their goodness, it tied them to life and reality in this world, and the idea that they were no more than spirits or souls in a whole other dimension... it made her head hurt. Lily and James couldn’t not be, just like Sirius, who so strongly rejected everything his family tried to turn him into, couldn’t have finally accepted it, only to turn on the ones who had loved and supported him for so long, far longer than those he was joining ever had.
And what about Peter? Why would Sirius murder him too? What did it achieve? He wasn’t a threat to anybody.
Maybe it was a trick. Maybe Dumbledore hadn’t sent the letter at all. Maybe it had been Voldemort, luring her back home so that he could murder her and undo all the work she had been doing.
But why? He might as well just send someone to kill her while she was abroad, and that way she would never be found, and nobody would ever know. The links she had established would just fizzle out and he could continue his domination in peace.
It couldn’t be a trick. Why go into so much detail? So it had to be true, Voldemort was gone, and her friends were dead. There was nothing more she could do but go back to the French Ministry, and organise a Portkey home.
*~*~*
She hated this house. She’d always hated it. Of course, it was a lovely house. It was old, and big, with large windows and a huge garden. She hadn’t been there for years, because she’d always made excuses. After all, her Aunt had stayed at the café when she’d married Garfield, even after Marty had moved out to live with Remus. Tabby had made her family at the café, although Marty knew they hadn’t ever sold this place. But when Marty had gone to Taffy’s, it was all shut up, and the sight had almost clawed out her heart. The café was her home, her childhood, the connection with her mother. It was there that her mother had been murdered, but it was here that reminded her of it. This was a place of grief, of loss, of loneliness, and when she was sixteen she had stayed in a house of near-strangers rather than staying here.
The light of the full moon illuminated the garden, and Marty’s heart wrenched, wondering where he was, knowing he was in pain. But somehow glad she didn’t have to seem him straight away. She was afraid of how different things would be. She had been away for so long, always thinking of him, but the longer she spent alone, the more she’d began to fear that things could never go back to the way they were. So much had changed, they had both been through so much since they had last seen each other... How could they just go back?
Besides, she needed to adjust to seeing her family first. She would stay here for the night.
As she stared at the house, she wondered why it was that she always end up here when she lost people she loved. Although she had to admit, there were signs of change. The once unkempt garden was now neat and pretty, with a swing and a toy broomstick propped up against the wall. She smiled to think of her cousin playing here. Maybe, if the garden had changed, so had the house. Maybe the permanent residence of a wife and child had brought life to the lonely bachelor’s prison.
She took a deep breath, and then walked up the path and was about to knock on the door, when it opened for her.
“Marty!” her aunt exclaimed, throwing her arms around her and pulling her in. “I thought you’d stay out there forever! I wanted to open the door and tell you to come inside, but Garfield seemed to think you needed to come on your own. Oh, I’ve missed you!”
“You too,” Marty managed to get out, smiling at Garfield over Tabby’s shoulder, with a sleepy Linden in his arms. When her aunt finally let go, Marty was able to go over and pick the boy up, who she had always seen as her baby brother, and hug and kiss him on the forehead. Sitting him on her hip with his arms around her neck, she was able to kiss Garfield on the cheek, and ask Linden if he had been good. He nodded, and his eyes began to droop.
“I think someone needs to go to bed,” Garfield said, reaching out to take him, but he shook his head firmly and held on to her tighter.
Tabby smiled. “He’s missed you a lot. He insisted on staying awake to see you, although he should have been in bed hours ago!”
“Why don’t I take him up?” Marty suggested. It would give her some time to see the rest of the house“and process her thoughts. She had missed them so much, so constantly, that to be suddenly surrounded by them again was a little overwhelming. She needed to catch her breath.
“First room on the left,” Garfield said. “Your old bedroom.” Marty only nodded. It was strange that he should have called it that“she’d only spent one night there, the night after her mum was killed. But she realised, rather guiltily, that during that summer, while Tabby stayed here, and Marty with Remus, they must have continued to think of it as hers, waiting for her to return, although she had never been able to.
Still. That was past, and it was Linden’s now, and she put him into bed and gave him another hug, a kiss, and stayed and watched him fall asleep. She had missed him so much, and hated missing an entire year of his life. She didn’t want to leave him, she wanted to stay here forever, happily trapped in the world of an innocent four-year-old boy, who had barely even heard of Voldemort. But time had an annoying habit of moving on, and so she stood up and made her way downstairs and into the sitting room, where Tabby had laid out a tray of tea and biscuits. There was no mistaking that she was back in England.
“How are you, my love? You look thin. And tanned!”
“Well, some of the places I’ve been have been pretty warm. And some freezing. But cold doesn’t tend to leave a reminder, does it?”
“I suppose not. Oh, I can hardly believe you’re here, I’m so happy! Oh, but sweetie... Lily and James. Peter... Sirius. I’m so sorry.”
Marty swallowed. She couldn’t think of a response, so she just ploughed on. “What happened to the café?”
Tabby looked uncomfortable, and glanced at Garfield. “You have to understand, things only got worse after you left. More people died, more became death eaters, no one knew who to trust. Barty Crouch’s own son... it was terrible. All businesses struggled, but people still needed some things“ you can’t do without potion ingredients or wands. But people didn’t want to sit around in tea shops, gossiping and eating cake. No one was interested in minor causes when their own families could be murdered at any time. And besides... Garfield earns more than enough as a Healer. And I wanted to spend more time with Linden. And we would have gone bankrupt if we hadn’t decided to close up... I’m sorry, Marty. Maybe we’ll open again now that Linden has started school, and things start to get back to normal.”
Normal, Marty thought, almost bitterly. As if none of it had ever happened.
She smiled. “It’s okay. I understand. I think I’m going to go to bed now, if that’s okay. I’m tired, and let’s face it... we have all the time in the world to catch up now.”
Tabby hugged her again, not seeming to want to let go, but Marty gently pulled her away.
“Good night, Aunt Tabby. I’ll probably have to visit Remus first thing if that’s okay. I love you.”
Tabby nodded, trying to fight back tears as she watched her beloved niece give a sad little wave, and leave the room to ascend the stairs. Something in Marty had changed in the last year, she was sure of it. There was a sadness behind her eyes, even when they were smiling. It was as if she’d seen one horror too many, or lost one more friend than she could cope with, wilst still retaining some of her old, characteristic optimism. She was truly an adult now, and maybe that was what had changed her. Maybe she’d lost that last little bit of naive innocence.
More than anything, Tabby wanted her to have it back.
*~*~*
She stood outside the door to their flat, her old key still in her hand, taking deep breaths. The moment had finally come, and she knew there was no reason to put it off any longer. But she had been apart from Remus for so long, a part of her had gotten used to it, and she was almost afraid of being thrown back into their relationship as if nothing had happened. It would be strange even if they hadn’t both just lost four of their best friends “ not to mention that he had surely just had one of the worst werewolf transformations of his life.
Suddenly, without even fully realising what she was doing, she put the key into the lock and opened the door.
The place was an absolute mess. Remus had always been quite a neat person, but she could feel his despair emanating from every corner of the room. It was as if he’d completely given up. There were books everywhere, thrown on the floor as if he no longer cared whether or not they were alphabetically organised to the point of obsession. The floor was littered with rubbish, it was freezing cold, and the plants she had cared for a year ago were all shrivelled and dead in their pots.
But, she began to realise, something was wrong. She was expecting it to look untidy. No one but Aunt Tabby would clean while they were in the first days of grief. But plants don’t die if they’re ignored for forty-eight hours. And this wasn’t the mess of a day or two. It looked as if the place had been neglected for months.
What the hell had happened after she’d left? She had known it would be hard for him, but why hadn’t anyone intervened? Lily, James, Peter? Sirius? She knew they’d been preoccupied (maybe, she thought sadly, Sirius hadn’t even cared at all). But how could they have left him like this for so long?
She looked in the kitchen, but immediately left. She would deal with that later. Then, hardly daring to breath and almost wanting to run away and never return, she went into their bedroom.
She swore, which wasn’t like her. But it seemed an appropriate reaction. The sheets, which were already dirty (she tried not to think about how dirty) were covered in blood“recent blood. Remus was slumped, pale and shivering and unconscious, across them.
“Remus!” she yelled, and kneeled down next to the bed, resting a hand on his cheek with tears brimming over her eyes. “Remus, wake up! What happened? Remus! It’s me, come on, wake up!”
His eyes flickered open. They were bloodshot and unfocussed.
“Marty,” he breathed. She smiled weakly. “You came back.” And then he coughed violently, his body curling up on itself, and he passed out. She swore“again“and rushed into the living room to the fireplace. The pot of floo on the mantelpiece had been knocked over, but she managed to collect enough of the powder to throw it into the grate and stick her head in.
Looking out into Garfield’s living room, she saw Tabby putting on Linden’s coat for school with relief.
“Tabby!” she yelled, desperately. “You have to help me. Is Garfield at work?”
“Of course he is, love. What’s the matter?”
“He has to come to the flat. Now. Please, Aunt Tabby, it’s Remus.”
Tabby glanced at the clock“she was undoubtedly already late getting Linden to school. But only for a moment.
“All right, I’ll let him know. You just wait there.”
“Thank you.”
*~*~*
Remus was alone. For a while he visited the others“baby Harry kept him distracted, his friends’ faces and laughter were a source of comfort. But he knew being without Marty had made him subdued and miserable. His friends began to grow wary around him, less animated, and they only ever spoke about unimportant things, the frivolous and superficial.
Of course, James was different. He would never think badly of his friends, never suspect them of anything. But sometimes he would catch Sirius and Peter talking in hushed whispers. Or Lily would shoot him a queer look, one he couldn’t place, or raise her eyebrows at James who would only glare back and shake his head. And no one helped him during the full moon anymore.
James couldn’t, which he understood, but Sirius and Peter simply didn’t. He didn’t think James knew. Once, he had apologised for not being there in front of Sirius, but said at least he still had the others. Sirius and Remus had stared at each other, as if both daring the other to be the one to tell him that Remus’s last three transformations had been made alone.
Neither did.
It all happened around the same time Dumbledore had announced, quite simply, that there was a spy amongst their ranks. Remus knew that they thought it was him. But he didn’t confront them. Let them confront him if they believed it that much. Why should he defend himself when they didn’t even dare to accuse him? And if he was wrong it would make him look paranoid, and if they hadn’t thought he was guilty before they certainly would then.
Besides, what was the point? They were losing. No one had heard from Marty, although Dumbledore insisted that it was a good thing. But it could just as easily mean she had been killed and her body well hidden.
He was unemployed but the Order rarely sent him on missions any more. He was left to stew in his own misery and loneliness, the flat degenerating into a dump now that he had no real reason for carrying on any longer. He had gone to Harry’s first birthday party, but after that he had barely seen his friends for three months.
And then, the night before the full moon“Hallowe’en“it had happened.
And any reason he’d had for living before just completely disappeared. He couldn’t quite remember everything clearly. He remembered Dumbledore standing amongst the mess of the flat, looking ridiculously clean and neat whilst telling him that his friends were dead. He remembered shouting at the old man, saying things he regretted and wanting it all to end. He remembered, just before he left, Dumbledore turning to him sadly and saying, “I hope you will not allow Marty to come home to this, Remus. She will need your support as much you need hers.”
He remembered the transformation, the most painful and bloody in years. And he remembered, though he did not know if it was a dream or his imagination (but it certainly couldn’t have been reality), Marty’s face swimming in front of him, blurry and impossible. A hand on his cheek. Tears in her eyes. And then more blackness.
He awoke in a double bed in an unfamiliar house. The room had the neutral airiness of a generic guest room, although there was a trunk in the corner. It wasn’t his. He recognised it, but didn’t dare to believe it until he heard her gasp somewhere to his right. He turned his head slowly and groggily.
“Remus,” she exhaled, and left her chair to kneel beside him and throw her arms around him, burying her head in his chest and breaking into more tears.
He couldn’t lift his arms“and she had pinned them down even if he could have done“but he closed his eyes and let his own tears escape, inhaling her scent desperately.
He had been so sure that he would never see her again.
“What happened?” she asked eventually, lifting her head and staring at him, her eyes full of every kind of emotion. He couldn’t look into them for longer than a couple of seconds, they burned so much.
He turned his head away, and said nothing.
*~*~*
PART 3
Julian had been one of the first people she had met at the French Ministry. He worked for their own international relations department, and had embraced her on arrival.
“But you are so pretty!” he had exclaimed, kissing her on each cheek and speaking English with a strong but charming accent.
“Bonjour,” she said, smiling. If everyone was this friendly maybe it wouldn’t be as bad as she thought.
“Ah, none of that with me, you may speak your little language to the heart’s content! My mother, you see, was from the Scotland, so I speak very well.”
“You do, it’s very impressive.”
“I live to impress. It’s why I am so good at my job, you see? Your talent, I am sure, is that you are so pretty.”
Marty pursed her lips, thought of McGonagall, and tried not to laugh.
“There’s more to women than being pretty, you know. I am also charming and doggedly persuasive.”
“You are never a dog!” he insisted, looking surprised. “You are a butterfly!”
“Uh, thanks, although that’s not actually what I meant.”
He barrelled on regardless, either not listening or not caring. “Shall I introduce you to the boss? She love to meet you. Julian, she says, for that is me, I love to meet this English miss as soon as she come!”
“I’d like to meet her too.”
“Fantastic! You follow me, and I will also take you to your hotel. Now, tell me, I am hearing rumours that there is a man causing a big riot in the Britain, is this true?”
She had trusted him. They got on so well that she found herself thinking that she might even enjoy her time abroad if, every time she returned to France as her main base, she got to spend time with Julian. It was as if he filled the role of all her friends at once since she had left them behind. He could make her laugh like James and Sirius, listen to her and help with her problems like Lily, and like Peter, he would do anything she asked loyally and without question, smiling all the way. And at times, through his almost constant flirting and compliments, it was almost as though he filled Remus’s role as well.
One night, after she had been away from Britain for a few months and she had returned to Paris after six weeks of foreign travel, she was particularly homesick. She had received the photo of Harry, and wished she could see him in the flesh, give Lily a hug and a bunch of flowers, congratulate James and watch Sirius pretend he wasn’t emotional. But she couldn’t. So Julian took her out to a bar where, after a couple of drinks, she told him the basics of what she had missed.
“My best friend had a baby,” she said sadly. “And I don’t know when I’ll ever be able to see him. He might be a teenager, or an adult. I certainly won’t see him as a baby.”
“You cannot go home at all? It is easy! I speak to the boss, she sort it out. You see the baby, the mother, everyone is happy. That is, everyone except me. I miss my little butterfly when she goes flying away. But it is okay if she is happy.”
She shook her head. “No. I can’t. You know I can’t go back. It’s too dangerous.”
“But just for a week.”
“No. Not ever. It’s impossible.” And then, to her horror, she had started to cry.
“No!” he had soothed, switching seats so he was not opposite her, but next to her, and taking her in his arms. “You must stop. You are not to cry any more. It makes me too sad to watch someone so beautiful look so upset.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes. “I don’t want to make you sad.”
“Ah, but you do my little butterfly. I am sad every time you go away.” He reached out and wiped away her tears, just as Remus had done in the past. She missed him. She wanted to go home.
Julian leaned in and kissed her. And for half a second she almost kissed him back. But then she broke away.
“No! Julian, no, I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I already have someone, someone I love very much.”
“But he is not here. He does not come with you, you do not see him. How can you know you still love him? He still loves you?”
“I do,” she insisted. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry if I led you on in any way because I didn’t mean to. At all.”
He sighed, but smiled. “It is okay. I had suspected. Someone as lovely as you could never be alone, I am sure of it. Still, I think why not try, just in case?”
“I’m flattered, I am, but I’m sorry.”
“You must not apologise. Only if you ever change your mind, I am always here.”
“Thank you. That’s nice to know. But I don’t think I will. And, you know what? It’s late. I should go. I’ve got work to do before I leave again.”
“Of course, you must always fly away again. But why do you not stay at mine tonight?”
“Julian, I just told you ...”
“No, I do not mean in this way, although it would be nice, I am sure. But for the company. You are sad tonight, you should not be in that hotel on your own when you are sad.”
Eventually“mostly with the promise of an English breakfast the way his mother taught him in the morning“he persuaded her to stay in his room for the night, while he slept on the sofa in the sitting room.
She liked the feeling of having another person in the same flat. It was comforting, although she would never betray Remus“and besides, if it wasn’t for Remus she still wouldn’t have liked him in that way. Maybe she would have gone on a few dates with him, but she knew it wouldn’t have worked out. They didn’t fit together so perfectly as she and Remus had done, and she would have been constantly aware of it.
In the morning, she woke early, but it was the weekend, so she left him to sleep. Instead, she entertained herself by practising her French with the titles on his bookshelves.
That is, until she started to notice a pattern, and read some of them more closely. It was hard, and her translation skills weren’t perfect, but by the time he woke up she had a good idea of what was going on.
She just wished she hadn’t.
“My little butterfly!” he exclaimed. “How are you feeling?”
“Julian,” she said slowly, dreading his answer and praying that he could explain it away easily. “What are these?”
His expression darkened for a moment, but he smiled again. “They are books, silly! Now, I think I promised a breakfast, yes?”
“What are they about, Julian? Are they what I think they are?”
“They are nothing! I do not know what happens in your pretty head.”
“I’m serious! This is serious. These are about blood, aren’t they? Magical blood. Purifying it. Just like people in Britain want to do. The ones who have killed people I know. Good, innocent people.”
“I am not wanting to kill people!” he cried. “You do not understand. When we have children with the Muggles, it is bad. It makes problems. And the children with the Muggle parents, they are different. They have their own needs. I do not kill people.”
Marty put her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe this was happening. “You’re wrong,” she said. “Don’t you see? This is how it starts. You believe all that rubbish, and then you want to do something about it. And maybe not you, but someone will take it too far. Start thinking they’re not human, they need to be wiped out. And people die, innocent people. For nothing. It’s all lies, can’t you see that?”
Julian shook his head. “No, no, you are wrong, it is different. We are not your Death Eaters, we cause no harm. Not unless others cause harm first.”
“Oh, no. Oh, Merlin, no. Not a ‘we’. Don’t tell me there’s a group of you.”
“Marty, you have this all wrong. We only want magic blood, pure magic blood, to be preserved. It is an ancient thing, it should not be tainted.”
“Tainted? Just listen to yourself! This is wrong. It will only lead to people being killed.”
“But it will not! We learn from your Death Eaters, we do things different! We do not make people fear us, we make them see that it is for the great good! You must not worry.”
“Oh, it gets worse!” she exclaimed, standing up and running her hands through her hair. “I have to go. I can’t let you do this.”
Before she could reach the door, he leapt in front of her and pulled out his wand.
“I am sorry, my little butterfly, but you must not leave if you are to tell someone your fears. They will not understand yet, they think like you, that we want to take France the same place as Britain. I do not want to hurt you.”
“Hurt me?” she shrieked, beginning to grow hysterical with fear and panic. “I thought you weren’t going to hurt anyone!”
“Not unless they hurt us first. You going to the boss or to the law“this hurts us.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. But I can’t stand by and let this happen again. You have to see that.”
“I do not.”
They both moved quickly. He shot a spell at her, but she ducked, pulled out her own wand, and sent a stunning spell at him. Then she tied him up, and Disapparated to the French Ministry. When she returned with nearly a dozen officials, he was awake.
“Marty,” he pleaded, struggling against his ropes. “Marty, my little butterfly. You do not know what you are doing! You are wrong! I have done nothing! I hurt no one!”
She had looked away, brushing the tears from her eyes. She hated it. Hated that people could let those ideas pollute them like that. That they had to pollute what felt like her only friend. That now she really was alone. She cried as she listened to them take him away.
It was from then on that she refused to stay in one place longer than a couple of weeks. She couldn’t allow herself to be close to anyone. She had to be alone. Anything else was far too dangerous.
*~*~*
“I don’t understand it, Dumbledore,” Marty confessed, visiting her old headmaster for the first time since coming home. “It’s been a week, and he still won’t talk to me. The funeral’s tomorrow. I mentioned it yesterday and he just got up and walked out. I was starting to wonder whether he’d ever come back.”
Dumbledore smiled at her sadly. “You have to understand, he’s not like you. He’s lost everything.”
“So have I! They were my friends too.”
He shook his head. “Your Aunt, little Linden. You still have family. When his parents died, he had no relatives to support him as you did.”
Marty’s heart wrenched. The death of Mr and Mrs Lupin had been something else she had missed while she was away. She wished she could have been there for him. She wished she could have seen them one last time, or at least gone to their funeral. They hadn’t even been her family, but since sixth year they had always felt like it.
“He still has me,” she insisted. “If I’m all he has left, why would he insist on pushing me away?”
“Perhaps he feels it would be easier than watching you leave him by choice.”
Marty, for a moment, was stunned into silence. “I... I’m not going to leave him.”
“Is that so?” he replied conversationally, as if they were discussing that season’s most fashionable cloak colour.
“I’m not!” she insisted again.
“Very well. Tell me, how have you felt since returning home?”
“I“well. It’s been hard. Of course it has. I loved James and Lily. I loved Peter. Sirius“well, I still can’t understand that. But it has been good to see my family again. I missed them.”
“And Remus? Has it been good to see him?”
“It“well... At first, of course it was. I needed him so many times while I was away, but I couldn’t reach him. Seeing him there in the flesh... it was good.”
“And did he live up to your expectations?”
Marty paused. Her heart was beating too fast but she took a deep breath. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you needed him. I’m sure you still do. Has he been the help you thought he would be?”
Marty closed her eyes, folded her arms. “You know the answer to that. I just said he’s not spoken to me for a week. You know, I heard him speaking to Garfield of all people, but he can’t speak to me. And I have tried.”
“I don’t doubt it. Tell me, Marty, what is it that you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“It must have occurred to you. What do you want to happen now? With your life, with the future?”
“I want Remus to speak to me again.”
“Naturally. But your career? Your life? I am sure you could regain your old position at the Ministry; they need as many on board as they can get. You could help to renovate your family’s café now that they are free from danger. And, I am sure, you could always continue your work abroad if you wished.”
“But“Voldemort’s dead.”
“Possibly. I was referring, of course, to your other work“the more official travel and diplomacy.”
“Oh. Well, I suppose I did enjoy travelling, when I wasn’t worrying about what was happening here. I constantly wanted to come home and see the people I loved but sometimes... sometimes I would look out of the window of a completely new place and it was like being free.”
Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. “Free from what exactly?”
“I... I don’t know. Going to the same place every day, seeing the same people for the rest of my life, it all sounds so... it’s like being trapped. But it doesn’t matter anyway. Remus wouldn’t come with me, and I can’t leave him again. Besides, I’d miss my family too much.”
“It’s true, you would leave things behind. However, you would this time, of course, be perfectly able to return at your leisure, and keep up as many regular correspondences as you wish.”
“Professor, forgive me, but“it sounds like you want me to leave Remus behind.”
“That is not true. But you must remember, life is too short to be unnecessarily unhappy. And if it is your commitment to Remus which is making you unhappy, then that cannot be a fact which is ignored forever.”
Marty nodded, a million thoughts endlessly filling her mind. She stood. “Thank you, Professor Dumbledore. I assume I’ll see you tomorrow at Godric’s Hollow?”
Dumbledore inclined his head in respectful confirmation. As she was about to leave the office, he said, “You know, Marty, you are now perfectly at your leisure to refer to me as Albus.”
“Sure, Professor,” she agreed, smiling slightly. “Whatever you say.”
*~*~*
“Marty,” Tabby said, coming up to her amongst the other mourners after the funeral. They had invited people back to Garfield’s house and the air was sombre, but for some also hopeful. After all, Voldemort was gone“for many this would be the last funeral they would have to attend for quite some time. Thankfully, they still kept their distance from those who had loved Lily and James most of all.
“Yes?”
“How are you, sweetheart? It’s just that all day you’ve seemed... distant.”
Marty raised her eyebrows, but without her usual humour.
“Well, of course, given the occasion, but I was wondering if it was something more. Ever since you came back from visiting Dumbeldore, you’ve barely said two words to anyone. In fact, the only person I’ve seen you really engage with is Linden.”
Marty said nothing. She didn’t want to admit that the naivety of a four-year-old was preferable company to adults who were fully aware of everything that had happened to her.
“I was just wondering... what are your plans now?”
When this question was met with silence, Tabby continued. “Of course, you should absolutely take a few more weeks to get back on your feet. But do you think you’ll stay in Britain now that it’s safe again? I’m sure you could get your old job back easily.”
Marty shrugged.
“But if you don’t want to go back to working for the Ministry, I do have an idea. Linden’s started school now, so I’m a little freer to start working again. And Taffy’s never went bankrupt, so technically I still own that entire building, and it’s just sitting there. Now, I don’t have time to run it myself... but I would love to open it again anyway. And I was thinking, if you wanted... you could manage it. We would be partners, of course, and I would still help out, but you could essentially be in charge. You’ve got more than enough experience and I’d always be on hand if you needed advice. And... I know you’ve never liked staying in this house. I know the café is still your home. So you could live in the flat above it with Remus if you liked. You wouldn’t have to pay the rent of your other place, and it’s a lot bigger. And, you know, I don’t think it’s doing him any good staying there. Just like it’s not doing you any good being here. You need to be together, love.”
“Well, try telling him that,” Marty muttered, and then immediately wished she could take it back. Tabby didn’t need to hear about her relationship troubles.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.”
“I know things have been difficult...”
“He doesn’t speak to me, Aunt Tabby! He’s barely said two words to me since I’ve come back! Why do you think I’ve been spending so much time in this house if you know that I hate it? It’s because I’d rather be with my family in a house I hate than with a... a stranger in the flat I used to share with the man I loved!”
“Remus will never be a stranger to you, sweetheart. It’s hard for him.”
“And it’s not hard for me too? I needed him for over a year, but I had to do without because I was on an incredibly top secret mission and to see him would put us both in danger. Now that doesn’t matter anymore, but I still have to do without. And why? As far as I can tell, no reason at all.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you want to do?”
“At the minute... I want to travel again. I’ll keep in touch and I’ll come back as often as I can. But I want a new start... somewhere away from here.”
“And Remus?”
Marty shrugged. “If he’s prepared to come with me, then fine. But I won’t be tied down be him if he’s just going to slowly self-destruct.”
Aunt Tabby stared at her, deep in thought. She could see her niece’s pain, and she wished there was a way to take it away. Unfortunately, the best thing she could do was give her some advice.
“Give him one more chance before you decide anything. Try to get him in something resembling a good mood, and then tell him exactly how you feel, and exactly what you want to do. Then give him the choice. And... and don’t leave yet. We’ve only just got you home.”
Marty nodded, and they hugged. But her mind was suddenly a thousand miles away.
*~*~*
Remus knew he was ruining all his chances of happiness by refusing to interact with Marty. But he couldn’t help it. It was like he was trapped in this awful void of pain and suffering and he couldn’t find his way out, no matter what he did. And Marty was like this light, this beautiful, burning light, but all he could do was turn away from it. He didn’t deserve light“just like she didn’t deserve a pathetic part-human like him. He’d always known it, deep down, but when she’d left, it had become more apparent than ever. When she’d returned, he had watched her slowly wither into this kind of shell. And he knew it was because of him. She needed to be free, and he could never give her that, and so she was disappearing. He wished he had the strength to cut her free, but he couldn’t do it. He was weak and pathetic and he couldn’t be the one to officially end whatever it was they still had. Besides, she would never be free unless it was her choice to leave.
And leave she would. He knew it as surely as he knew that he would never again find someone he loved in the same way that he loved her. The signs were all there. When she had first come back, although she had made a point of coming to their flat every day, she hadn’t moved back in. She told him in one of her prattling monologues intended to fill the silence, that it was because she needed to clean and tidy the flat into a “liveable state” first. She had even asked him to come back with her to Garfield’s house and stay with her there, but he knew she didn’t really want him to say yes. And so he hadn’t.
And ever since the funeral, she had been coming less and less. The desperate stream of chatter was more half-hearted, and she only ever stayed for about half an hour, cleaning and organising another section of the flat and then leaving again. She told him it was because she was also refurbishing the café, because Tabby was thinking of reopening it, and so she thought she would help her out while she had nothing else to do. He wondered what would happen when their flat was completely clean again and she had no excuse not to move back in. Would she think of some other reason, or would that be the day she severed their ties for good?
But still. Even though her visits got shorter each time, and he continued not to say a single word to her, he still looked forward to them endlessly. He spent each morning waiting in anticipation to hear her key in the door, just because turning from the light was better than having no light at all. And when she left, he spent the rest of the day in a pit of despair, hating himself for causing the hurt look in her eyes every time she greeted him anxiously, hoping he would at least greet her back. He never did.
One day, around two weeks after the funeral, she came much earlier than usual. In fact, as it was ten o’clock in the morning, he hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet.
“Right,” she said, storming into the room. “That’s it. Out. If you refuse to talk to me, you won’t be able to protest. And if you can’t protest, I can pretty much do whatever the hell I like. I thought after knowing me for so long, you would have realised that, but apparently none of my lectures ever sank in and now you’re going to pay for it. So get in the bloody shower.”
He stared at her. The light was brighter than ever. Instead of ebbing away, it seemed to have come back in full force. He didn’t want to turn away any more.
“Is this a freak show? Stop staring at me and get in the shower! It was an order, not a request. And here, use all of these appropriately. I don’t want you out of that thing for at least fifteen minutes, so I know you’ve done it properly.” And she thrust several bottles of hygiene potions towards him. “Well? What are you waiting for? Am I going to have to drag you out of bed myself?”
He shook his head, took the bottles, and headed into the bathroom, glancing over his shoulder as he went. He didn’t know what had happened to her, but it was as if something about her new drill-sergeant attitude had given him just the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe she wouldn’t give up on him after all.
Exactly fifteen minutes later, he emerged, and she had laid out fresh robes on his bed, and apparently used the opportunity to clean the bedroom“which he knew was the final room she had to do. Once he had dressed, he began to smell bacon, and wandered into the kitchen just as she served up two full English breakfasts.
“Sit down and eat yours. All of it. You’ve neglected yourself for too long now and you’ve got a long day ahead of you.”
He looked into her eyes. He wanted to ask what she meant by that and she stared back at him, daring him to do so. Just to speak to her. One question wouldn’t kill him, surely?
He sat at the table and ate in silence, staring down at the food and refusing to look up again. He heard her sigh. She didn’t attempt to half-heartedly supply one side of a conversation, but the tension only grew stronger.
When they had both finished, she handed him his cloak and took his arm. He flinched at her touch“not because it repulsed him, but the opposite. It burned like fire, and he was unused to it. But though she must have noticed, she didn’t let go, just gripped his arm tighter. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them they were in a wood he didn’t recognise and she was already walking away from him. He stayed where he was and she turned around.
“Well, keep up. Do I have to tell you everything?”
He caught up with her, and she strode off again. It was November and all the trees had lost their leaves, but it was beautiful. It hadn’t rained recently and it was so cold that the ground was hard and the leaves crisp. The cold air was somehow fresh, and the brisk walk seemed to clear his head. And they didn’t walk in silence. Instead, she told him stories of her time away, describing at length the numerous places she had been and the people she had met. Some of it was beautiful, some of it was funny and some of it was incredibly sad. When she told him about a man named Julian, he had almost been jealous. But at hearing the sadness in her voice as she described the feeling of finding his pureblood literature, any feelings of bitterness went away, and he just wanted to comfort her. Without quite realising what he was doing, he took her hand. She jumped, and her words faltered for a moment, but then she just carried on talking. She seemed to know what a huge step it had been, and that she shouldn’t scare him off by making a big deal out of it.
After they had been walking for about an hour and a half, they came to a clearing and she stopped. He stopped too.
“Do you know where we are?” she asked. He looked around him. He had been almost in a trance, seeing the places Marty had been describing rather than their actual surroundings. But suddenly it hit him. He let go of her hand and turned away.
She walked around and stood directly in front of him. When he turned his head, she reached up, and forced it so that he was looking at her.
“Don’t just turn away from me. You have to face this. Now I’ll ask again. Do you know where we are?”
He nodded.
“Where?”
He shook his head.
“Where?”
He swallowed. And in the smallest voice he could manage, he said, “Graduation.”
She blinked. As much as she had wanted him to, she hadn’t really expected him to respond. “That’s right. Or, more specifically, Graduation night. And we went camping here. All six of us. Do you remember what we talked about?”
He couldn’t look at her any longer so he closed his eyes and pulled away. He felt her arms fall to her sides. “Don’t,” he mumbled.
“We talked about our future,” she said forcefully. “How we would defeat Voldemort once and for all, and then we would be happy no matter what. We would rebuild our lives and make ourselves be happy. No matter how many of us was left. Well guess what, Remus, it’s just you and me, and you don’t seem to want to keep your word.”
He opened his eyes and looked deep into hers. And then without realising quite what he was doing, he stepped towards her, closing the gap between them, placed his hands on either side of her face and kissed her intensely. For a moment she seemed completely shocked, but then she gripped his waist and kissed him back. She had missed him. She had missed this.
After some time, he let go, and stepped back. They stared at each other, both looking scared and slightly breathless. Then she reached out her hand for him to take.
“It’s okay,” she said when he looked unsure. “I want to take you somewhere else. Away from here.”
He took her hand, but mostly just because he wanted to get away from the clearing. He didn’t like being around such strong memories of his friends. It was almost like he could feel them still here, at eighteen, sitting under the stars around a fire and talking about all the things they were going to do, their hearts full of hope and love. He couldn’t bear it much longer.
When he opened his eyes this time, they were indoors, and it was dark. Marty pulled out and waved her wand. Hundreds of lamps and candles lit up the room, and he recognised it as the café on Diagon Alley. Although the curtains across the windows were drawn, the place looked better than he had seen it in a long time. It retained the old, homely look of Tabby and Saffy’s era, but it was somehow newer, younger, more modern at the same time. Marty had kept true to her mother and her aunt, but she had also put something of herself into it.
“You’re not just helping Tabby refurbish. It’s yours.”
Marty looked torn for a moment, but then she shook her head. “No. She offered, and maybe one day I’ll take her up on it. But not yet. No... I’m going abroad again.”
Remus’s knees buckled. Marty flicked her wand and one of the comfortable armchairs shot towards him, just in time for him to collapse into it.
“I want some time to get away, Remus. I know that sounds crazy, I was away for so long. But I’ve not come back to the same world that I left behind. I need to start again somewhere completely new. I went into the Ministry today and they said they had a permanent post for me in Paris. But there’s no secret mission this time, and so I can write to my family and I can visit whenever I like. There are too many bad memories in Britain to just take my old life back. And even though I was miserable on my own last year, I enjoyed seeing the world. I liked just being out there. I was free. I’d never felt like that before. Do you understand?”
He understood. He’d known it all along. “You’re leaving me.”
She fell to her knees so that she was on his level in front of the chair, and took his hands. “No. I’m asking you to come with me. We can start again. But we can start again together. I love you, Remus. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. Completely and terrifyingly and wonderfully in love with you. I would never want to lose you. What’s keeping you here? Just come with me and we can start afresh.”
He stood up and walked away from her. She turned around, still on the floor. On her knees.
“Please.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No. You don’t need me tying you down. You can’t have a fresh start if I’m there for you to worry about. You don’t deserve that.”
“I’ll worry about you whether you come with me or not.”
“I’m sorry.”
She stood, and walked up behind him. She touched his shoulder and he turned to look at her.
“Think about it,” she said. “The Portkey leaves tomorrow at 6pm from Garfield’s house. Please meet me there. I love you.” And she reached up, kissed him on the cheek, and Disapparated. She knew there was nothing left she could do.
*~*~*
He was staring at the clock.
Miles away, so was she. She had her cousin on her lap but it wasn’t him she was waiting for.
At five fifty-seven he stood and tried to disappear but he couldn’t. Of course their house was still protected. Her aunt wasn’t stupid.
He dived for the fireplace. The pot of powder was empty. She had cleaned the mantelpiece but she hadn’t replaced the spillage.
He ran out of the flat, not even bothering to close the door. He ran downstairs and stuck out his arm, bounding onto the bus that appeared.
He shouted at the driver, who wouldn’t listen. He got his wand out and something in his eyes made the man make an exception just this once.
The bus appeared on the street and he got off, not even stopping to say thank you. He ran up the pavement and then up the path of the house. He banged on the door desperately and stood in agony as he waited for it to open.
“Am I too late?”
Her eyes softened with pity. “Oh, sweetie,” Tabby said, putting her arms around him. “I’m so sorry. She’s gone.”
*~*~*
Marty,
I’m sorry.
Whatever you do now, please be happy. For me.
But whatever happens, you don’t need to think about me anymore. And please don’t worry about me.
You’re beautiful.
Good luck.
Remus x
“Happy Christmas, Marty.”
“You got me a present?”
“My own girlfriend? Yeah, I thought I’d better.”
“I’ve only been your girlfriend for about a week.” Marty pointed out. If truth be told, she was still getting used to the idea. She had never thought she would be anyone’s girlfriend until Remus had awkwardly confessed his “Together we almost make a whole person” theory just a few days before.
“Really? It feels like longer.”
“Gee, thanks. Sorry to make your life drag on so much.”
He rolled his eyes, and started pulling at the carpet they were both sitting on in his room. “That’s not what I meant at all. I meant ... well, just that it’s felt like you’re my girlfriend ever since we sat here going through all my books last summer. I really think I might love you, you know.”
Marty smiled awkwardly and blushed. She wasn’t used to people saying that kind of thing to her “ people other than her mother or her aunt, that was. “I have a feeling I might love you too,” she admitted, feeling her face get “ if possible “ even redder.
Remus smiled back. “Well, that’s good news then.” And he awkwardly and slowly leaned over, not quite sure of himself, but not wanting to let the opportunity pass, and kissed her softly and carefully. Her eyes fluttered closed without her even telling them to, and she kissed him back. Why on earth had she avoided this for so long? If she had known what she was really missing out on, she never would have bothered with all that “Romance and I don’t mix” baloney.
Remus pulled away and she grinned widely and began ripping the paper off her present. “Right, let’s see what goodies you got for me!”
*~*~*
Marty jumped, and blinked out of her daydream. Why had she been thinking about that particular Christmas, around twenty years earlier? She hadn’t thought about her early days with Remus in so long.
Of course, that didn’t mean she hadn’t been thinking about Remus. How could she not, knowing what was happening in her home country? The only reason she hadn’t gone over there to help him fight (and she knew that was exactly what he would be doing) was because she had Annette to look after, and the minute things started to look bad, she had insisted that Tabby and Garfield leave everything behind and join her in France. She would have insisted on Linden as well, but he had a new position in the Ministry and refused to give it all up and move to a country where he couldn’t speak the language.
“But I can teach you!” she had begged before they had left Britain without him. “It’s not safe here. You don’t understand “ you were just a baby the first time around.”
“So was Harry Potter,” Linden had pointed out, and as usual, upon hearing the name, Marty felt a rush of emotion for the boy who would, in an ideal world, have been her Godson. “And he did just fine. Look, don’t worry about me, okay? Just look after Mum and Dad for me and I’ll be fine.”
“All right. But keep your head down and don’t do anything stupid. I love you.”
“Love you too, sis,” he said, hugging her, and any irritation she had towards him disappeared. It was true, he wasn’t her real brother, but he had grown up thinking himself as such and she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Still. Despite knowing that there was nothing she could do, and that she was better off keeping her family safe far away, she couldn’t help feeling guilty. She had helped the first time around, albeit so secretly that even half the Order wasn’t aware of her involvement. She had spent over a year travelling the world trying to create potential allies “ knowing that her actions could, in the worst possible case, start the first ever international war of wizards. And now, all she was doing was reading the Daily Prophets Linden would send to them overseas, and growing more worried by the day.
But what could she do? Her life was here. She ran a magazine called L’Activiste from her small village cottage in the South of France, she looked after her daughter, and now she looked after her aging aunt and uncle as well. They all depended on her “ there was no way she could just go swanning off back to Britain in order to fight Death Eaters. No matter how much danger Linden “ and, of course, Harry “ might potentially be in. Besides, she was definitely not cut out for front line fighting. She knew enough to defend herself “ anyone who had grown up during the First War did “ but that was all. In the heat of battle, she would be a hindrance rather than a help. And what else could she do? She would just have to be grateful that she was safe here.
Safe...
Struck with a sudden idea, she ran to find a spare quill and parchment.
*~*~*
“Can you believe it’s been a year already?” Marty asked Remus as they waited in Hogsmeade for the Hogwarts Express to take them home for their final Christmas holiday.
“No “ it hardly feels like it at all. Do I get a kiss to mark the occasion? I can conjure some mistletoe if you like.”
Marty smiled. “You don’t need mistletoe OR anniversaries as an excuse,” she pointed out, already on her tiptoes waiting for him. He still seemed to be growing all the time, whereas she was as short as ever. Still, she liked the feeling of having to reach up to kiss him. It felt sweet and romantic.
“Come on, guys, not in public,” Sirius said a couple of minutes later, and they broke off, embarrassed, as if they had forgotten that they were surrounded by people. “Are we going to do this or not?”
“I don’t know,” Marty said, unsure. “Do you think it’s too extreme?”
Sirius spluttered in horror. “Too extreme? It was your bloody idea! You went on and on about the good of humanity and setting off catalysts and all that other shit, and now you’re backing out?”
“Not backing out, I’m just cautious. Lily is going to murder me in my sleep.”
“Oh well, too late now, I’ve already swiped McGonagall’s megaphone. Stand back, it’s about to get loud. Wouldn’t want to deafen your blushing ears.”
Marty and Remus stepped back.
“ATTENTION HOGWARTS STUDENTS,” Sirius announced, standing on his trunk. “Where are Lily Evans and James Potter? Can anybody see them? If you see them, point them out!”
“Potter’s over here!” someone called to Sirius.
“Lily’s here!” shouted Mary MacDonald, clearly ecstatic to be of help “ which was ironic considering she was helping Sirius to get Lily together with the man Mary claimed to be in love with.
“COULD YOU BOTH PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY OVER TO THE MADMAN WITH THE MEGAPHONE? That’s me by the way.”
Marty and Remus exchanged grins.
“Get lost, Black!” Lily insisted, but she unfortunately couldn’t help her smile. James, meanwhile, bounded over to his best friend like an obedient puppy. Reluctantly, and with a dry look which clearly said, “I’m so much cooler than everybody here,” Lily joined him.
“Now,” Sirius continued. “James Potter, do you admit or deny the fact that you have been in love with Evans for a total of around five years now?”
“I admit that wholeheartedly.”
“Good. Now for the hard part. Lily Evans, do you admit or deny the fact that you too have reciprocated similar warm smushy feelings for James for around one year now, as confirmed by one Marty Price?”
“What? Deny! I DENY THAT! Marty, who the hell have you told?”
“She admits it! Now stop this silliness and snog each other.”
“No! I object! I OBJECT! MARTY I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!”
“Told you,” Marty said.
*~*~*
She received the returning owl with apprehension, but also a buzzing excitement which she hadn’t felt in a very long time.
Dear Marty,
As always, it is wonderful to hear from you again. I considered your suggestion carefully, but I am afraid that as delightful as your cottage sounds, I have too many duties as headmaster of Hogwarts to visit you myself at this current time. I will, however, recommend it to some friends of mine who are in need of a holiday. If it is not too much trouble for yourself and your family, please expect a small party to arrive next Tuesday. I am sure you will treat them with the utmost of hospitality.
It truly was a joy to reignite this old acquaintance, and I am eternally indebted to your thoughtfulness at such a time.
The warmest of regards,
Albus Dumbledore
Marty grinned, knowing that he had fully understood the meaning behind her description of her home “where I have never felt so secure in my life”, and open invitation for people to come and stay, “just in case you, or anyone you know, is in need of a break from the horrible British weather.” She knew she had to be careful what she said on parchment, especially when writing to Dumbledore, and she had been slightly concerned that her old skills of coded letter writing had faded over time “ but the party arriving on Tuesday suggested otherwise.
“Aunt Tabby!” she called. “We’re going to have some guests! Do you think you might be able to help me clean?”
“My dear, I thought you’d never ask!”
*~*~*
“Wait a minute,” Remus said, holding up a hand. “Your’s and Sirius’s mad idea actually worked?”
“It was your idea too. And yes, kind of. Not quite the way we’d hoped, what with Lily storming off like that and us not seeing her for the entire train journey, obviously. But apparently later, James managed to track her down, and asked if what Sirius had said was true.”
“About you betraying your confidence to her in order for it to be announced to the entire school?”
“It was for her own good. And yes, that. So she told him that she didn’t know, but she liked him a lot more than she used to, although admittedly that’s not hard. And then he said, ‘How much more?’ and she said she couldn’t decide. And he said, ‘It’s not a decision, it’s how you feel. How do you feel right now?’ And then she kissed him.”
“Wow.”
“I know.
“So you’re just the biggest gossip that ever lived now, aren’t you?”
“I am not! I just like to spread the joy.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. To anyone willing to listen. Whether you have the joyful person’s permission or not.”
“Shut up. Have you finished preening yourself yet? You’re only an usher. I’m the bridesmaid and I was ready ages ago.”
“Shouldn’t you be helping the bride then? You know, your aunt? On her big day? Isn’t that your job?”
“Well, yes, but I thought I ought to sneak out so I could check on you.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that then?”
“Because you just look so adorable in your dress robes, of course!” And with that, she deftly finished the necktie he had been struggling with, and pulled him down towards her so that she could kiss him quickly and sweetly before hurrying back to be with her aunt.
*~*~*
Marty shook her head. She had to stop thinking about Remus “ that was a long time ago, and she was sure he must have moved on by now. She had done, it would be madness for him not to. She had Annette, she had her magazine, she had her house. What more did she need? Apparently a group of about eight strangers living with me, a voice in her head pointed out when suddenly, out of nowhere, such a group appeared in her back garden, clutching an old teapot.
She smiled warmly and stepped towards them. “Hi there. My name’s Marty Price, welcome. I assume that if Dumbledore sent you, you’ll be in need of some rest. Am I right?”
A woman of about her age burst into tears, clutching her two young children to her. “Thank you so much! You “ you don’t know what we’ve been through!”
“Believe me, I have every sympathy, and I want you to know that if there’s anything you need, I work from home so all you have to do is find me and ask.”
“Does that mean we can have some tea soon?” asked an old woman, gripping onto her husband’s hand tightly.
“Absolutely. I’m sure my Aunt Tabby has already made a whole pot now that she’s seen you’re here.”
“Hold on a moment,” a man said, stepping forward. “You can’t expect me to allow you to take these people in before I check your home first? I’m on strict orders from Dumbledore.”
“Of course.”
“What?” the old woman barked at him. “You think she’s gonna try and kill us too? Just look at her! I bet she can’t hardly eat meat without feeling guilty!”
Marty smiled. “Actually, that is something that’s always troubled me.”
The man sighed. “I’m afraid, Mrs Blumenthal, that there is such a thing as Polyjuice Potion, and she doesn’t need to eat you, she only needs to perform one spell to kill you. Another to make you feel unimaginable pain.”
“Well aren’t you a bleedin’ ray of sunshine?”
“Please,” Marty stepped aside and smiling warmly at the man. “You may search my house to your heart’s content, and ask as many questions as you like. But first “ let me at least bring the tea outside for these people. They’ve been through a lot.”
The man looked from her, to the beautiful house before him, and to the seven refugees who were now so close to safety. With the warm sun on his skin, surrounded by greenery and birdsong, it was hard to imagine any danger existing in the world at all “ let alone here. He nodded, and a smile tugged the corners of his mouth reluctantly. “All right. But let me inspect the brew first before it’s served. My name’s Sebastian, by the way.”
“Pleasure to meet you.”
*~*~*
“I can’t believe this is our last day of school ever. That’s just ... just wrong,” Marty said helplessly. She and Remus were sitting by the lake as the sun rose, occasionally looking over to watch the preparations for the seventh years’ outdoor graduation ceremony.
He wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I know. It hardly seems like two days ago that you were asking us to sign your pointless pixie petition.”
She pulled away from him. “Hey! That petition was not pointless. The pixies are wholly misunderstood by the wizarding community, and I for one “”
“All right, I’m sorry!” he insisted, grinning. “You’re right, the pixies are a noble and not at all annoying breed. Now get back here so I can hug you again.”
She stuck out her tongue, but then leaned back against his chest and let him snake his arms back around her front and hold on tight, resting his chin softly on the top of her head.
“Everything’s going to change, isn’t it?” she asked sadly.
“Yeah. Yeah, it probably is,” he admitted truthfully, reaching up to play with a stray piece of her hair.
“What if it’s too difficult? What if we can’t actually cope with life?”
He pulled her even tighter to him. “Marty, there is nothing on this entire planet that you cannot cope with. And as long as I’ve got you, there’s nothing I can’t cope with either.”
*~*~*
“Are you sure you’ve got room for this new four?” Sebastian asked Marty discreetly after his routine security checks were over.
She shrugged. She had been receiving around one new batch a week for the last month, and it was true that her house was beginning to get a little full.
“It’s okay. If we run out of space in the house, we’ll just set up tents outside. As long as people need somewhere to hide, I’ll keep taking them.”
Sebastian smiled. He had grown incredibly fond of this woman over the last month “ she had a strange kind of energy about her that was impossible to define. It was just like an unstoppable force of goodness and optimism. He couldn’t imagine her ever seeing the bad side to any situation.
“Plus, Annette is loving it,” Marty said, watching with a smile as her ten-year-old played with the two children from the first group to arrive. Marty had found out later from their mother that her husband had been killed by Death Eaters “ the only reason she and her children had escaped was because they had happened to be visiting her mother’s for that weekend, and he had been unable to leave work.
“Do “ do you mind if I ask you something personal?” Sebastian asked cautiously, also watching the children playing. The younger two were looking up at Annette in awe, and he was unsurprised. She had long shiny dark hair, and though she spoke English, it was with a distinct French accent “ she must have appeared incredibly glamorous to them.
“Of course not,” Marty said, looking over and smiling at him. “Although whether I answer is another thing.”
“Annette’s father “” he said unsurely. “Does he “ I mean, did he “ what I’m asking is, how “ you know what? Just forget it.”
Marty laughed. “Who’s Annette’s father? Is that what you’re asking?”
“Well “ I mean “ it was too personal. I’m sorry. I should never have asked. It was stupid.”
Marty smiled. He looked ready to crawl into his own stomach out of shame, and his nervous desperation to appear gentlemanly was incredibly endearing. “Of course it wasn’t. The truth is, I have no idea.”
“You “ I’m sorry?” He stared at her. She didn’t seem at all the type to have a daughter without knowing the identity of the father.
She laughed again. “I adopted Annette when she was three-years-old.”
“You ... Ah! I see. Thank goodness.” He let out a nervous chuckle. “That could have been horribly awkward.”
Marty grinned. “Your spluttering certainly didn’t help that. No, I was doing a piece on the Muggle Adoption system for L’Activiste. It’s a magazine for the magical community, but I try to cover a lot of Muggle Causes for it too “ it’s so important that we know about Muggles, and become as used to them as we are to each other. Not to do so just leads to “ well, you know what it leads to. Anyway, I went to the Adoption Centre to interview them, and I found out about this little girl who was giving the people caring for her a lot of trouble. When I delved further, I recognised all the signs of a girl with magic. Well, obviously I couldn’t just let her grow up in a world where she didn’t understand her powers and people treated her like a freak. I enjoyed my work, but I was incredibly lonely, and though I visited my family a lot back in Britain, it wasn’t the same as living with people who love you. And best of all, I would be helping a beautiful little girl in need. It all just seemed so perfect. So I went ahead with it.”
“That’s very selfless of you “ and very brave!”
“Are you kidding? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It wasn’t about being selfless, that sounds like I made sacrifices. I loved every minute of it. I fell in love with her the very first time we met “ she tugged on my hair and it turned pink. I only wish I could have known her as a baby. Anyway, the truth is, I was so happy that it didn’t feel like I needed any bravery at all. I just did it.”
“But you were on your own!”
“Haven’t you been listening? That’s one of the reasons I wanted to do it so much in the first place. So that I could have a family again “ it’s not like I expected to meet anyone, after all. I’m past all that. And besides, I’m used to doing things on my own. I grew up doing just that as a kid, and I did it again when I left Britain after the war.”
“What about in between?”
She cocked her head to one side. “Sorry?”
He began to feel as if he was crossing a line again “ he should have just left her to herself, but he was so curious about her. He tried again. “In between being a kid and leaving the country as an adult. Your teenage years. At Hogwarts. You weren’t alone then?”
For the first time since he had known her, Sebastian saw some of her energy fade away as she stared at her hands.
“No,” she muttered. “No, I wasn’t alone for all of that.”
*~*~*
Marty was setting up Taffy’s in preparation for the day ahead when an official looking owl pecked at the window. She bit her lip nervously, and crossed her fingers as she let it in. Ripping open the seal and scouring the contents hurriedly, her face broke out into a broad smile. Without a second thought to the tables and chairs she was supposed to be dusting, she bounded over to the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo powder.
Soon, she was stepping out into Remus’s kitchen, where he was sitting at the table eating eggs.
“Guess what!” she chirped, brushing herself down.
“Hi Marty. I’m good thanks. How are you?”
“Yes, we’ll get to that later. Look at this! I got a letter!”
“You did? That’s great, but “ hang on, is it ...”
“It is! Look!”
He looked down and smiled broadly. “Marty, this is amazing! Department of International Magical Cooperation, that’s brilliant!”
He stood and hugged her tightly.
“Are you not going to miss waitressing at the café?” he asked.
She smiled. “Okay, you’re joking, but I actually kind of am. I know I didn’t want to go back there after what happened, but I’m so glad I did. Or, that you and Lily made me, anyway. That place has so much history for me, I’m glad it didn’t just get ruined forever.”
“Well, good. But you can always visit every day if you want “ you know, in between schmoozing with all those foreign ministers and stuff.”
“And seeing you.”
“Yeah. And that,” he said, forgetting about his breakfast completely as he leaned in to kiss her.
*~*~*
When news of Dumbledore’s death reached France, the arrivals of refugees stopped, as did the Daily Prophets from Linden “ in fact, any contact from Britain at all began to be incredibly sparse. And strangely, although her house was more full than it had ever been, she just felt alone. She couldn’t understand it “ she was busy, true, and constantly afraid of whose death she might hear of next, but there was something else. For the first time in years, she would go to bed at night and feel like there was something missing in her life.
It was only when Annette, three months later, asked why Sebastian hadn’t visited in a long time, that the truth finally hit her.
Oh, Merlin. Not this. Not romance again “ I thought I’d left you behind a long time ago.
“He’s, uh, busy, sweetheart. And it’s too dangerous to keep bringing more people here to stay. He has to keep his head down.”
“Because of You-Know-Who?” she asked with a shiver of fear.
“Yes, because of him. But don’t worry, honey, I’m sure Sebastian will be just fine. He can look after himself.” She pulled her daughter into a hug sadly and tried to blink back tears. She hadn’t wanted Annette to ever have to say ‘You-Know-Who’ in that fearful way. It was the worst of the past infecting the very best of the present, and she had noticed a sudden gravity hanging over her daughter’s young head recently. Had she somehow overheard stories of the horrors in Britain? She had been trying so hard to keep her life innocent of that, but there was a definite change in Annette’s behaviour lately. The childish mischief and wonder was slowly taken over by a cautious, nervous look. She would see one of the fatherless children she now shared a bedroom with and, though never having had a father herself, looked desperately sad.
And where was Sebastian? Was he safe? Was he fighting? Was he even alive?
Ever since then, he was never far from Marty’s thoughts. She kept remembering little things he’d said “ his awkward but sincere concern for the safety of her and the refugees “ the way he had played with the children when they had asked him to, his entire demeanour softening as their games took up his entire concentration “ his occasional and surprising bursts of humour lighting up a face which was suddenly and unexpectedly lovely. She wished that the day he had dropped off the final group of runaways, he had stayed behind with them for good.
However, there was nothing she could do now, and no way of contacting him without putting them all at risk. She had to move on, and hope that soon the war would be over so that she could try to contact him to find out whether or not he had even survived.
Many months later, when it seemed as if the war would never end and she was just about used to the idea that she may never see him again, she heard Annette scream in the garden. Literally dropping everything, she sprinted outside, heart pounding and imagination running away with her. If anything happened to her ...
“Look!” Annette said when Marty arrived. “Sebastian’s here!”
“Why did you scream?” Marty demanded angrily as she pulled her into her arms, her heart still racing. “I thought something terrible had happened!”
Annette looked upset. “I’m sorry “ the portkey made me jump. But look “ he’s hurt!”
Marty realised with a jolt that she was right. Sebastian was curled on the ground, pale and shaking, clutching the small figurine he had used as a portkey with all his might.
“Sweetie, go and get your Uncle Garfield “ and quickly!”
*~*~*
“It’s so beautiful!” Marty exclaimed, practically skipping around the new flat with excitement. Remus followed behind a little more calmly.
“Look!” she said. “There’s such a nice view from this window! And we can redecorate! I bet James and Lily would love to help. We can give the bedroom a really nice relaxing colour scheme, and the living room can be just incredibly welcoming and pretty! We can invite people over for dinner and stuff too “ Lily and James can come over, and Sirius can bring whoever he’s currently seeing! And Peter! It’s going to be so lovely!”
“You know,” Remus said a little dryly, “I’m not sure how much time there’s going to be for decorating and dinner parties. Even if we’re not, uh, ‘working’, then Lily, James and Sirius will be. You know what they’re like “ I don’t think they’re going to take a day off until Voldemort’s gone forever. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
“I know, I know. I’m not saying it’s going to be paradise “ nothing is paradise these days. But maybe this could be a kind of “ kind of sanctuary for a while. People can come over and just not think about it for a bit. You know? And then, when it’s over, they’ll be refreshed and able to work even harder.”
Remus smiled. “Okay. If it helps The Cause, how could anyone protest? Now come over here. We’re finally living together again and I want to kiss you some more.”
*~*~*
“Sebastian?” Marty asked softly, knocking on her own bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” came the reply, sounding weak and tired, but not broken. Hopefully that meant Garfield had been right “ he was going to be fine.
She opened the door and crept inside. He was sitting up in her bed, flicking through the latest publication of L’Activiste with the windows wide open, allowing the room to be filled with fresh air.
“How are you feeling?” she asked softly, perching on the end of her bed, and thinking for a moment how strange it should be that the man she had been missing so strongly should all of a sudden be sitting in her bed reading her magazine like nothing unusual was happening at all. Like he was supposed to be there all along.
“A little confused,” he admitted.
“Oh?”
“It’s just “ well, my French isn’t the best, but this magazine is about problems and issues that need fixing, isn’t it? Endangered creatures, caring for the less fortunate, that kind of thing.”
“Yes “ it’s about, well, something I’ve always referred to as The Cause.”
“Then why “ and I may be wrong, like I said, very poor French “ why haven’t you mentioned the biggest Cause of all? I know it’s not happening over here, but you’re British, and you volunteered to open your home to whoever needed refuge. You obviously care about it.”
Marty perched carefully on the end of the bed. “Yes. I do. But the thing is ... well, my Mum and my Aunt were very into The Cause too. I grew up with it. I told you about Taffy’s, didn’t I?”
“Your family’s café? Yes, I think so. I had tea there a couple of times.”
Marty smiled. “Yes “ most people did. Well, for a long time, it was sort of a “ a headquarters for this kind of thing. And when I was in my Fifth Year, all the stuff with You-Know-Who was just beginning to come into the public limelight. And, being who she was, my Mum was running these meetings protesting against what was happening. She was really vocal about it “ and she must have caused a bit of a stir.”
“What happened?”
Marty closed her eyes. It was over twenty years ago “ but it still hurt. She tried so hard to avoid ever speaking about it, ever thinking about it. “It was within the first week of the summer holiday. They came in the middle of the night. Death Eaters “ sent to silence us I suppose. They killed her “ Aunt Tabby managed to escape and take me with her. They didn’t come after us, because they knew we’d understood the warning. Speak out against You-Know-Who “ you and your family will be killed. There’s no way I could ever just sit by and let him do what he does, but I’ve never forgotten what happened either, so I’ve only ever helped in secret. Not to try and keep my own life safe, but for my family. I couldn’t stand to see them killed or hurt because of me, and that’s especially true now I’ve got Annette.”
“I’m so sorry “ that’s ... that’s just awful. I can’t believe you had to go through that.”
Marty shrugged and wiped away a tear in frustration. “I certainly wasn’t the only one to lose people, and I had some good friends. They helped a lot. Also, if you read French properly, you’d realise that while I don’t speak out directly against Voldemort, I do write a lot about Muggles being respected and appreciated “ and also about what a load of crap the purification of blood is.”
“Oh. Well, that’s good then.”
The silence went on a fraction too long, and Marty suddenly looked away nervously. “Anyway. You should probably get some more rest. I only came up here to check on you, and you had me pouring out my life story ...”
“I didn’t mind that.”
“All right then. Get some rest.” She stood, and began to head towards the door.
“Marty “ wait.”
She blinked. “Yes?”
He took a deep breath. He had been thinking about this moment for months, and when he thought he might not make it, the worst thing was knowing that he had never told her, might never know what could happen if he stopped being proper for a moment and told the truth about his feelings. “You’re ... you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”
She stared at him. “Sorry?”
He sat up further. “I mean it. You’re beautiful and you’re strong and you’re completely selfless and always optimistic, no matter what. I’m stuck here now, because there’s no way I can go back to London. But even if I could ... I wouldn’t want to. I’d want to stay here with you anyway “ forever. For as long as you’d have me. Marty “ I know this is going to sound crazy, and you’ll probably be really uncomfortable and we may never be friends again in the same way. But I have to ask. Marty, you’ve been on your own for so long. Will you let me make sure that never happens again? Will you marry me?”
Marty stared at him. He was mental. Who would do that? Just propose to a woman without even testing the water first, finding out how well they fit, at least going on a couple of dates. This wasn’t a Jane Austen novel. Men don’t just decide they like someone and conclude that marriage is the only option. Not normal, rational modern men. Could it be possible that beneath his aura of awkward, fussy and gentlemanly concern, he was actually insane and impulsive?
“Marty! Sebastian!” Stunned, Marty turned just as Tabby burst through the door. “Have you heard? He’s dead! It’s over! Voldemort’s dead! Oh, but Marty darling ... there’s something else. It’s about Remus ... he didn’t survive the battle. He’s gone.”
*~*~*
Marty was waiting for Remus to come home in the middle of the night “ he should have arrived by now. He should have arrived a long time ago. She hadn’t heard from any of the others either, and she suddenly wished she had a more active role. Sure, she helped with a lot of the organisational side, but she wished she could be more like Lily “ fearlessly fighting on the front lines alongside her husband. At least that way, she could be there to help him, and if anything awful happened, at least she would be there to see it for herself, to know exactly what happened, not just hear about it from others.
Suddenly, the fireplace roared into life, and Lily herself appeared.
Marty’s heart constricted. What if her fears were finally coming true? Why else would Lily be here looking so grave without Remus?
“He’s going to be okay,” Lily said quickly, seeing her expression. “Don’t look like that, he’s going to be fine.”
“Oh thank Merlin,” Marty breathed in utter relief, but it only lasted for a moment. “But something did happen?”
“Yeah, it did. I’m so sorry. There were spells flying everywhere, and we were trying to look out for each other but ...”
“It’s not your fault,” she insisted, moving over to her friend and hugging her tightly. “Is he at St Mungo’s?”
“Yes. Come on, we’ll go together ...”
When they finally reached his small room, Marty saw that it was practically full already “ James, Sirius and Peter were all there, as were Dumbledore and the Longbottoms.
“Um “ is everyone else okay?” she asked, nervous of the answer. But she smiled when they all nodded and assured her that everyone was fine.
“We’ll, uh, give you some privacy,” James said, standing and motioning for the others to follow him out. Marty smiled gratefully, and then threw herself down next to Remus’s bed, holding on to him tightly until he groaned, and she quickly relaxed her grip, realising she was hurting him further.
“Oh, Remus,” she whispered. “You scared me so much. Don’t ever leave me, okay? You have to be safe. I don’t know how I’d live without you.”
*~*~*
Marty brushed away a tear. Now wasn’t the time to cry for Remus, not yet. And those memories that kept plaguing her were a long time ago “ she had moved on since then, and so had he. She had found out that he had been married to one of Sirius’s many cousins, and even had a son. Her heart broke to think of the boy growing up an orphan, and never knowing how wonderful his father had been.
It was strange being back in England after so long “ somehow she always forgot how cold it could get, even when it was supposed to be warm. She wrapped her coat around herself a little tighter.
“Are you sure about this?” Linden asked. “You don’t have to go, you know. You and Remus were a long time ago, I only just remember him from when I was a kid. I mean, sure, he was a great guy and everything, but there are plenty of other places we could go. Will anyone there even know who you are?”
“Probably not,” she admitted. “But I’m not going for them. Linden, you don’t understand what a huge part of my life he was for so many years. If it hadn’t been for the war I almost certainly would have married him “ maybe even had kids of our own. I’m not saying I wish it had happened that way “ I never would have found Annette otherwise. But there’s no way I can miss his funeral. I won’t talk to anyone, I’ll just sit at the back, and slip out once it’s over. No one even has to know I’m there.”
Linden sighed. There was no way of persuading her, he knew that. He supposed all he could do now was be there to support her.
They arrived at the edge of a forest for the ceremony “ already there was a large crowd, as the service was not just for Remus, but his wife Nymphadora too. Marty stayed at the back as she had promised, keeping her head down, but surveying the people from under her eyelashes, trying to spot the one person she was most curious to meet. She couldn’t see him anywhere, but with a jolt she saw an elderly woman, cradling a baby with bright green hair “ it could only be Teddy, Remus’s son, whom she had heard was a metamorphmagus like his mother.
Suddenly, someone began to speak, addressing the crowd “ she looked up, and her heart skipped a beat.
“That’s him!” Linden hissed excitedly, forgetting the situation for a moment. “That’s Harry Potter!”
As if she needed telling. It was like staring straight at James, with Lily’s eyes looking back. She was struck by how incredibly young he was. She had heard his story numerous times since arriving back in England “ you heard it everywhere you went “ but it was only at that moment that she fully realised that all those things had been done by a seventeen-year-old boy. Still, his eyes looked far older and sadder than most other boys of his age she had seen.
“Remus Lupin was the best teacher I ever had,” Harry began. “And Nymphadora one of the bravest and most dedicated Aurors. And together they had the two of the kindest hearts.” Here, he paused, closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to steady himself, and carried on. “Tom Riddle may be dead, but our freedom came at a price “ a price that will haunt all of us forever. Their son, Teddy, will never know his parents, but he will have people who love him and care for him. I know that his grandmother will tell him many stories of his Mum as he grows up “ and as his Godfather, I will tell him many stories of his Dad. Because we must always remember those we have lost “ those who sacrificed themselves for us. Because I know from experience how powerful that love can be, more powerful than anything in the world. And we must never forget it “ just like we must never forget them. Thank you.”
He stepped down, and took his place in the front row as someone else stood up to speak. Marty saw him rest his head wearily on the shoulder of a girl with red hair. From behind, they could have been Lily and James, and Marty wiped away more tears as the enormity of all the lives lost washed over her. So many of her friends “ so many of the best people she had ever known.
Linden rested his hand on top of her spare one. She looked up at him and he smiled at her sadly. Many people may have died, she thought “ but many good people still lived. And that had to be enough.
*~*~*
“Do you have to go?” he asked her as he held her in his arms the night before she left on her mission “ neither of them had any hope of getting any sleep.
“Remus. Not this, not again. You know I do.”
“I’m not saying don’t go, not this time. Just “ do you have to? Can’t we just stay like this forever?”
“I wish we could. But you know I have to. Just remember that I love you. Whenever you’re alone, just remember that. I love you and I’m coming home, I promise. I’m coming home as fast as I can.”
“That’s a promise?”
“That’s a promise. Just keep safe. I don’t know how I’d survive knowing I didn’t have you waiting for me. You really do mean the whole world to me.”
“I love you too. I can’t remember what it was like not having you in my life “ it was just dark and sadness before you. I don’t ever want to go back to that.”
“You won’t,” she said, resting her hands on top of his and stroking her thumbs up and down. “I will do everything I can to make sure that never happens. I love you.”
*~*~*
“So are you nervous?” Marty asked Annette, adjusting her dress for her. “You’re going to get a new Dad!”
“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
“Sorry?”
“Shouldn’t I be saying ‘Are you nervous? You’re going to get a new husband’?”
“I suppose it’s a change for both of us “ especially with you going to Beauxbatons in September. I’m so proud of you!”
“I’ve not done anything yet.”
Marty smiled, and hugged her. “Yes you have. The way you helped me look after all those people in need? The way you’ve accepted all these changes without a word of complaint? And of course how very pretty you look in your dress right now “ no mother wouldn’t be proud to have you.”
Annette beamed. “You look pretty too.”
Marty grinned, and winked. “Thanks kiddo. Now, are you ready?”
She nodded firmly, suddenly looking very sincere and prepared, like a little doll.
Marty bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “All right then “ lead the way. And smile, sweetie. Smiling is the most important thing in the world. If you don’t smile, then you just let all the badness in the world win, and you can never do that.”
They stepped outside into the garden, and music began to play. The guests all stood. On one side were Sebastian’s friends and family. On the other, she saw Tabby, Linden and Garfield at the very front, and behind them, every single seat was taken “ she hadn’t thought many would come for her side, but now she could almost have sworn that more seats must have been added to accommodate them all. She saw the faces of people from the village she had grown to know, people she worked with in order to make her magazine “ and the face of every single person she had given refuge to, some for over a year. And that was a lot of people.
However, she only looked at this for a moment. Because at the end of the aisle was Sebastian, quite literally beaming as he saw the two of them walking towards him.
She could never replace Remus. She had truly and genuinely loved him, and every minute of the time that they had spent together. But she had a lot of love in her heart, and she knew that she loved Sebastian just as much.
She knew this wasn’t happy ever after “ such a thing has never, and can never exist. But she couldn’t wait to start working on making it as close as she could get.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.