On some days, she really frustrated him to the core.

James wouldn’t have wanted someone who sulked because of his jokes, or cried because he was being a git. But sometimes, he supposed Lily should thaw a little. That stiff back and that upturned nose made him want to react and lash out.

All he had told her was that he didn’t want her fighting. He hadn’t said “You are not going to fight� or “I am not going to let you fight�; his exact words had been “I don’t want you to fight�. There was a huge difference. He’d merely given her an opinion, not a demand.

Yet there she was, sitting on the other end of the table, cradling a mug of tea and refusing to look at him. An argument had ensued between them about meaning, independence and freedom of will – heavy stuff which normally didn’t feature in their lives.

The minutes stretched as James continued glaring at her, and Lily went on ignoring him. It was a relief when the doorbell rang.

Without saying anything, she got up and went to open the door. Five minutes later, James heard her going upstairs instead of returning to the kitchen. His heart crumpled.

***


Lily was fuming. She loved James, she honestly did, but he was such an arse at times.

Did he think she was a harmless damsel-in-distress? Did he think she was incapable of looking after herself? Did he think it was only his right to fight in a war in which she had more reason to fight than him?

“I don’t want you to fight.�

What a twat! Who was he to tell her he didn’t want her to do something? They might be married, but that didn’t grant him any authority over her.

Later, he had argued that he was just telling her what he thought of it, and not actively trying to stop her.

“That is so typical of you, James,� she had said, her voice rising. “Blame it on something else and ignore the real issue at hand.�

And now they were sitting in uncomfortable silence. She could feel his eyes boring into her, but she was not going to give in.

When the doorbell rang, she quickly got up and took the chance to get away. It was the postman delivering her a New Year card from Petunia.

Great. Just what I need.

She didn’t have the desire to go back to the kitchen and face him, but when she went up the stairs with slow, deliberate steps, she hoped he would call her back.

He didn’t.

***


Running his hand through his hair for the millionth time, James made the torturous journey towards the bedroom.

His first thought after realising Lily wasn’t coming back was to go to Sirius, but he dismissed the idea right away. He’d eventually have to come home, and then what? Lily’s mood would have soured by then. Moreover, she wasn’t the type of person to run to friends when she had a situation festering at home. It would be unfair of him to do that to her.

When he opened the door, he found her reading a book.

Taking a huge breath, he said, “I’m sorry.�

***


She heard him coming up the stairs. Simply because she didn’t want him to catch her lying on bed and moping, she grabbed a book and pretended to read it.

Her heart thumped wildly when he opened the door.

“I’m sorry,� he said.

That surprised her. She looked up to find him standing at the door; he appeared miserable, with his hair stuck up in a million directions.

“What for?� she said.

“I wasn’t trying to stop you, Lily,� he said, hands now deep in pockets as he approached the bed, a sign which showed he was in distress. “I just…You have no idea what it is like, fighting them. I’ve been there and I’ve seen what the Death Eaters are capable of. I just don’t want to see you getting hurt.�

Lily put the book down on the bed. “I can’t sit here any longer, James, doing nothing. I have a right to fight in this war. I have a right to know what it is like.�

“Yeah,� he said, defeated. “Yeah, you’re probably right.�

“Am I?� she asked softly.

He sat down on the bed, looking at the wall, and not her.

“Who am I to tell you you aren’t?�

“James,� she said. “Look at me. Please?�

“What is it, Lily?�

“I knew what you meant,� she said, moving towards him and pulling his face towards her. “I know you love me and you don’t want me getting hurt. But I have to do this, okay?�

She was surprised to see his eyes glistening. Taking off his glasses, she kissed the tears away.

***


He loved her too much to contemplate the idea of Death Eaters having their way with her. How hard was it to see that?

But he also knew he would never be able to convince her. Once Lily’s heart was set on something, she couldn’t be persuaded away from it. Of course, he was aware of what a fantastic witch she was, yet he had also been confident of himself, of Sirius, and they always got hurt. There hadn’t been a single operation from which they had escaped without sustaining the most minor of injuries.

It didn’t help when she touched him, took off his glasses and pressed her lips lightly against his closed eyes; it made things a hundred times worse. She was so beautiful, so perfect, so loving, so tender, so strong. He couldn’t bear to think of her suffering a dark curse.

“I love you, Lily,� he muttered. "You do know that, right?"

“I do.�

She shifted to make space for him, then leant against her pillows, waiting for him to make the next move. However, James felt exhausted. He kicked off his slippers and lay down, resting his head against her stomach. His arms enclosed her waist to pull her closer towards him.

“Can’t we just stay like this forever?� he asked her.

***


“Can’t we just stay like this forever?�

Something about James’ despair made her ache; he was by nature a cheerful, hopeful man. She stroked his head and said, “If you want to.�

***


He felt her fingers in his hair, and a powerful need surged up inside of him.

One of his hands left her waist and searched for the hem of her skirt. When he found her warm skin, he looked up. Without his glasses, everything was sort of blurry and he couldn’t see her properly, but he stopped her when she reached for them.

“I want to feel you,� he said.

Closing his eyes, he properly climbed on to the bed. His hands were now roving over her dress, searching for the buttons, while his forehead leant against hers. He slowly undid them one by one, and finally felt her slipping her arms off the sleeves. With his fingers, he rubbed against the satin fabric of her bra until he could feel her nipples sticking out. He then unhooked the bra and started running his tongue over the smooth skin of her breasts as he took her pants off.

***


There were a lot of things James was wonderful at, but he was fantastic as a lover.

When Lily used to gossip with her friends at school, they often complained about how boys liked nothing better than to cop a feel and normally didn’t last more than five minutes as far as the sexual act itself was concerned. Lily’s first experience was nothing special either; it was hurried, and the boy certainly hadn’t waited for her to come before trembling against her with a godawful groan.

It had never been like that with James. Or, perhaps James was too experienced by the time they got together, a thought which made her physically ill. She didn’t want to imagine him having sex with another girl, touching another girl’s body the way he touched hers. It usually made her see red.

James was hers, and hers only.

She grabbed his head gently and slid lower under him, and started kissing him while her hand traveled down, way down his body. He gave a soft moan, and her lips attacked his harder as she undid his trousers and pulled them down.

Breaking off, she asked him, “Do you want me?�

“Yes,� he gasped.

“How much?�

“You have absolutely no idea.�

***


He felt her hands on his inner thighs; it made him lose the ability to think lucidly.

Deciding to just revel in the responses of his body instead, he turned and settled on the bed, letting her take over. She lowered herself against him, her tongue moving across his jawline as her soft breasts pressed against him. Then, she kissed his neck, moved across his chest and went further till she reached his cock.

The next second, he felt his entire being run-over by sensations that crashed against it over and over again. When she finally stopped, he sat up and drew her closer and closer until she was straddling him. Encircling her in his arms, he entered her, eyes closed and nose taking in her heady scent.

***


Every fiber of her moved against him in rhythm.

She almost wished his eyes were open so that she could look into them, so that she could see how much he was loving this. But the wish was swept away by her more burning needs, so she urged him on. Soon, she could feel the familiar crescendo building up, and when the inevitable spasms finally came, she cried out.

***


They were lying on the bed, spent. He had his glasses back on as he read his sister-in-law’s less than cheery card.

“She’s really … something, isn’t she?� he asked Lily, who was snuggling against him.

“Yeah. I honestly don’t care anymore.�

He flung the card aside and massaged her back, letting his fingers run circles over it.

“You have me,� he said.

“I know,� she answered. “It’s more than enough.�