Summary: Celestina Warbeck takes the stage once again, this time with the world premiere of a Christmas album. This jolly, heartfelt volume will bring the joy of the holiday season to any and all of the listeners of the Wizarding Wireless Network!
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This album is a compilation of both the Great Hall's Great Hall-iday Bonus Challenge and Poetry Anyone's December Carol Challenge. Enjoy!
Categories: Poetry Characters: None
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: Celestina's Songbook
Chapters: 6
Completed: Yes
Word count: 1315
Read: 15997
Published: 01/03/12
Updated: 01/03/12
Story Notes:
Each 'track' of this album was written as a Potterised version of an existing holiday song. The table of contents will have the titles chosen for the parody listed as chapters, and the chapter notes will indicate the original plus the artist name (if applicable), as well as any author notes.
1. 1. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Lucius by hestiajones
2. 2. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day by Equinox Chick
3. 3. Have Yourself a Slythy Little Christmas by iLuna17
4. 4. Harry, It's Cold Outside by Equinox Chick
5. 5. Last Christmas (I Gave Blaise My Heart) by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
6. 6. Snidgets We Have Heard on High, Version 1 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
1. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Lucius by hestiajones
Author's Notes:
Original Work: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
It's beginning to look a lot like Lucius
Ev'rything you do;
His purse it always jingles and that is how he mingles
With a martini and a pimp cane too.
It's beginning to look a lot like Lucius
Wave your perfect hair;
But the sexiest cape to see is the glory that will be
Blowin’ on his head so fair.
A pair of leather thongs and a Nimbus that long
Is the wish of Draco his son;
Elves that will toil and massage her with oil
Is the hope of Cissy his hon;
And Wife and Son can hardly wait to Floo and shop again.
It's beginning to look a lot like Lucius
Ev'rywhere you go;
In his manor white birds they fly, (but none in the Weasleys’ sty,)
That is why Voldemort went like ‘Whoa!”.
It's beginning to look a lot like Lucius;
Soon the goblins will smile,
‘Cause the thing that makes them grin is the Galleons that he brings
Pile after pile.
2. I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day by Equinox Chick
Author's Notes:
Original work: I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day, by Wizzard
Author's Note: This is Hermione singing during Prisoner of Azkaban
When Hagrid brings the tree,
I look at Ron and Harry,
Both have great big smiles across their faces, like me.
As I jump into my bed,
With a quilt covering my head,
I don’t lock the dorm
‘Cause the house elves are on their way.
Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day,
When Snape pulls a cracker, and Trelawney is seen to sway.
Yes, I’d love it to be Christmas every day.
Let the Twins sing out for Christmas.
We go skating on the lake;
The ice begins to break,
Ron’s friendly hand pulls me out of the way.
Then two tentacles appear,
Slapping Harry round the ear,
So we skid to the bank
And wave the Giant Squid away.
Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day,
When Snape pulls a cracker, and Trelawney is seen to sway.
Yes, I’d love it to be Christmas every day.
Let the Twins sing out for Christmas.
When Hagrid brings the tree, (when Hagrid brings the tree)
I look at Ron and Harry, (and I look at Ron and Harry)
Both have great big smiles across their faces, unlike me.
‘Cause if Sirius sent that broom (Sirius sent that broom)
Then my heart is filled with doom (filled with doom)
I must speak to McGonagall,
Though Harry will be filled with gloom.
Well, I wish it could be Christmas every day,
When Snape pulls a cracker, and Trelawney is seen to sway.
Yes, I’d love it to be Christmas every day,
Let the Twins sing out for Christmas.
3. Have Yourself a Slythy Little Christmas by iLuna17
Author's Notes:
Original Work: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Author's Note: I had WAY WAY too much fun with this (Why is enforcing stereotypes and hating on Slytherin so much fun?)
Have yourself a Slythy little Christmas
Just do not smile
If you do, we have some some hexes that will change your face
Have yourself a Slythy little Christmas
Just do not sing
If you do, we’ll replace you with the roast
Celebrate in the common room
Where we’re only green, not red
Faithful followers who are scared of us
They kneel before us once more
Through the years we all will rule together
When the Mudbloods die
Hang an elf upon the top of the Christmas tree
And have yourself a Slythy little Christmas now
Faithful followers who are scared of us
They kneel before us once more
Through the years we all will rule together
When the Mudbloods die
But 'til then we'll have to bide our time somehow
And have yourself a Slythy little Christmas now
4. Harry, It's Cold Outside by Equinox Chick
Author's Notes:
Original Work: Baby, It's Cold Outside
Author's Note: Um, this is a little smutty. The lines in brackets are the second singer.
I really can't stay –
(Harry, it's cold outside)
I've got to go away –
(Harry, it's cold outside)
This evening has been –
(Been hoping that you'd Floo in)
So very nice –
(I'll hold your hands, they're cold as ice)
Your mother will start to worry –
(Handsome, what's your hurry?)
Your father will be pacing the floor –
(Listen to your chest beast roar )
So really I'd better scurry –
(Gorgeous, please don't hurry. )
Well, maybe just one drink more –
(Put some music on, my Gryffindor.)
The Ravenclaws might think –
(Harry, it's bad out there.)
Say, what's in this drink? –
(No brooms to be had out there.)
I wish I knew how –
(Your eyes are green fire now)
To break your spell –
(I'll take your cloak; your hair looks swell.)
I ought to say no, no, no, sir –
(Mind if I move a little closer)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried –
(What's the sense in hurting my pride?)
I really can't stay –
(Harry, don't hold out)
(Harry, it's cold outside.)
I simply must go –
(Harry, it's cold outside)
The answer is no –
(Ooh Harry, it's cold outside.)
This welcome has been –
(If you’re lucky I’ll slither in.)
So nice and warm –
(Look out, we’ll cause a storm.)
Hermione will be suspicious –
(Circe, your lips look so delicious!)
Ron will be hammering at the door –
(Wave goodbye to that red-haired bore.)
Your aunt’s mind is far too vicious –
(Helga, your lips really taste delicious)
Well, maybe just a Firewhisky more –
(Never such a wizard before.)
I've got to go to my dorm –
(Oh, Harry, you'll freeze out there.)
Say, lend me your comb –
(I’m on my knees down here.)
You really should stand –
(Your eyes are like emeralds now.)
But don't you see –
(How can you do this thing to me?)
There's bound to be talk tomorrow –
(Making my lifelong sorrow)
At least there will be plenty implied –
(If you caught Spattergroit and died.)
I really can't stay –
(Get over that old out.)
Draco, it’s cold outside.
(Harry, it’s cold outside.)
5. Last Christmas (I Gave Blaise My Heart) by Maple_and_PheonixFeather
Author's Notes:
Original Work: Last Christmas (I Gave You My Heart)
Author’s note: Carol may be displeased with me.
Last Christmas, I gave Blaise my heart,
But the very next day he gave it away.
This year, to save me from sneers
I'll give it to Ronald Weasley.
Once smitten, but not shy
I kept my distance, but you still caught my eye.
Slytherin dear, did you recognize me?
I’m a Gryffindor, it really surprised me
Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I love you,” I meant it.
Now I know what a fool I've been
But being who I am, I know I’ll be fooled again
Last Christmas, I gave Blaise my heart
But the very next day he gave it away
This year, to save me from sneers
I'll give it to Ronald Weasley.
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice.
I thought you were different from the others,
Me, I guess that you just wanted the colours.
A Gryffindor challenge with a fire in her heart.
A Slytherin dare that tore me apart.
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again
Last Christmas, I gave Blaise my heart
But the very next day he gave it away
This year, to save me from sneers,
I'll give it to Ronald Weasley.
6. Snidgets We Have Heard on High, Version 1 by ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor
Author's Notes:
Original Work: Angels We Have Heard On High
Author's Note: This is a chronicle of the match that Harry had to sit out in HBP because he was in detention with Snape.
Snidgets we have heard on high,
Gleaming brightly in the sun.
Red and Gold take to the sky,
Batt’ling ‘til the match is won.
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, fight on!
With Beater’s bats so mighty.
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, fight on!
With Beater’s bats so mighty.
Snidgets we have heard on high,
Flashing, dashing through the way.
Impossible, but we shall try
To take the Quidditch Cup today.
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, believe!
Win this one for Harry!
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, believe!
Win this one for Harry!
Snidgets we have heard on high,
Swiftly darting o’er the stands,
And the crowd shouts in reply
When it’s trapped in Ginny’s hands.
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, we win!
Tonight we are the champions!
Roa———r, roa———r, Gry———ffindor, we win!
Tonight we are the champions!
End Notes:
Be on the lookout for Volume 2, set to debut the evening of the third!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.