Narcissa walked through the old pub and swung her legs up over a bar stool, keeping her hair slightly over her face. Being recognised in a pub would not be a good thing under any circumstances, but she especially didn’t want to be recognised tonight.

“Well, are you just going to sit there, or do you want something?� It didn’t sound like a question, despite the way it was worded; Narcissa’s eyes flashed up and she caught the eye of the middle-aged barman. He was frowning at her, but when he got a good look at her face his voice softened a bit, getting a flirtatious edge to it.

“How about a Firewhiskey? Or we have some lovely oak-matured mead.�

Something in his tone and the way he was dragging out certain syllables was making Narcissa edgy. “J-just a Firewhiskey, thank you.� It wasn’t her usual fare, she had only ever had the delicate sort of alcohol one gets at pureblood balls, but she felt like she could use it. Anything to take her mind off the week she had had. Anything to take her mind off her sister.

The return of the barman brought Narcissa back to reality. He placed a bottle in front of her, and Narcissa was in the process of pulling money out of the pocket of her robes, the barman opening his mouth to speak, when a vaguely familiar red-haired man slid onto the barstool next to her and dropped some silver onto the table.

“One of what she’s having. Hers is on me.�

Looking slightly disgruntled, the barman shambled off again. Narcissa kept a firm gaze on the new arrival through her peripheral vision, trying to remember; she may not have been the most streetwise person on earth but she knew a boy sitting next to a girl in a pub usually meant something. A little thrown by the new turn of events, Narcissa said the first thing that came to mind, uncharacteristic though it was.

“Thank you.�

“You’re welcome. I was going to sit on my own, but I felt bad for you.�

Some Black family impulse snapped to attention in Narcissa’s mind. “What do you mean?� she said quickly.

The red-haired man flushed. “I just meant - he’s - old. Him hitting on you is - well - creepy.�

Narcissa was struck with a sudden urge to laugh at his awkwardly blunt words, and she compensated by coughing into her sleeve.

“Well, I appreciate the rescue, thank you,� she said once she had gotten control of herself.

The man nodded. “You’re welcome. Arthur Weasley, by the way.�

She knew that surname - she just barely stifled a gasp. Weasley … Cedrella Weasley! She’d been blasted off the Black family tree years ago for marrying into a family of what Bella called ‘blood traitors’. Should she get rid of him? Suddenly, the manners she’d had hammered into her head by her family returned to her. “Nar- Narcissa Black.� She stumbled over her name as the barman returned, but he only slammed Arthur’s firewhiskey unceremoniously onto the counter and shuffled away. Arthur ignored this.

“I know who you are, obviously, I’d know a Black sister’s profile anywhere. Besides, I tutored you in charms, don’t you remember?� He cracked half a smile at her.

Narcissa nodded, a little astonished by how easily he recognised her. She remembered him now, he’d helped her with charms in second year, the year after she’d very nearly failed her exam. But she’d definitely changed since then, she’d stopped having crushes on people her family didn’t approve of … people like Arthur ... she traced a crack in the counter with a long finger, taking a sip of her drink as something to do. She almost choked, the alcohol was fairly strong; she felt it burn her throat as it went down. But it felt good, in a sense, burning away any other feelings that might have been lingering and dulling thoughts slightly, both good and bad. She took another sip, uncomfortably aware of Arthur watching her. “Do you want something?� That hadn’t quite come out the way Narcissa had wanted it to, but she certainly wasn’t about to take it back.

“You must want something too, or you would probably have brushed me off by now.
Company, maybe? Distracting small talk?� Arthur suggested. “Both?�

Narcissa shrugged. “Distractions,� she said vaguely.

“Okay, fine. What brings you here?�

“Stuff.�

“Oh, well then, that clears things up.� Arthur rolled his eyes. A pause, more silence, except for clinking of bottles and sipping of drinks.

“Family stuff,� she murmured, saying a mental prayer that he’d take the hint and change the subject already.

“Again, doesn’t tell me much.� Arthur sighed. “Fine, ask me something.�

“Why are you here?�

“Oh good Godric, you’re terrible at this!� Arthur chuckled, Narcissa coughing into her elbow again, but her eyes glowed with laughter.

After a few seconds of relative quiet except for the murmur of conversation around them, Narcissa finally gave in. “Fine,� Narcissa said, quickly firing up. “My sister is causing trouble, yet again; making Mama want to kill us all, yet again; making Papa one of the most unpleasant people on the face of the earth to be around, yet again; and leaving unrealistic expectations on my head, yet again!� Narcissa’s voice rose in volume with every point, until she was loud enough for everyone else in the bar to hear her. They turned to face her for a second, before shrugging and turning back to their drinks one by one.

“Sorry,� Narcissa muttered.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s better than your last answer, anyway.�

Narcissa smiled despite herself. “Well then.�

“Which sister’s causing trouble? Not - perfect pureblood Bellatrix?� he said with mock incredulity.

“No, it’s Andy.�

“Andromeda! Well! This means she finally dropped the bomb?�

“You knew?� How on earth would he know? Narcissa thought frantically. How would he-

“Most people had some inkling, thanks to your sister. I never thought I’d say this about a Black, but bloody hell, she’s obvious.�

A rush of defensiveness for her sister blew up inside of her, followed by hot, bubbling guilt. Narcissa wasn’t allowed to defend her, not after Andy ran off with the Mudblood ...

“I - she - w-we - I d-didn’t -� Narcissa stammered weakly, hoping desperately that
Arthur couldn’t see her face burning in the low light.

“Sorry, sorry, I thought you’d laugh.� Arthur turned a bit red in the face again. “If it helps any, I was joking, I knew mostly because of Ted. We took a lot of the same classes in our N.E.W.T years, so we kept up some correspondence over the summer. He told me the two of them were engaged.�

“Oh - w-well I …� Narcissa wasn’t going to stutter again. Good God, she’d stopped doing that twelve years ago! “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.� She said, returning to her drink.

A heavy silence echoed between the two of them for a while. Narcissa suddenly decided to break it. “You still haven’t answered me yet. Why are you here?�

“Break-up,� he said simply.

“Oh, I’m sorry.� Something inside Narcissa felt funny - she vaguely knew his girlfriend, some girl named Prewett, she and Arthur had been together for a while - but she didn’t recognise the feeling in the pit of her stomach … it didn’t feel as sorry as she knew it should …

“I’ll be fine. She’s got one hell of a temper, that one, I figured eventually it’d be fired off in my direction.� He shrugged.

“Why don’t we talk about something else -� Narcissa began, but he cut her off.

“Yes,� he said quickly. “Yes, definitely something - something else.�

And talk they did. For hours, everything from friends to Hogwarts and N.E.W.T.s, from old pureblood families to a trick Arthur and his brother had played a few years back involving Cockroach Clusters, Transfiguration and an unsuspecting, ill-tempered aunt which made Narcissa snort Firewhiskey out of her nose, (which turned out to be, for the record, a remarkably unpleasant and incredibly embarrassing experience). She noticed other things while she was talking to him too … something in the line of his jaw, a little spark in his eye when he joked around with her, the way his entire face changed whenever he talked about his work (a rather unimportant position at the ministry which he clearly loved). About an hour or so past midnight, Narcissa’s head feeling fuzzy with a combination of fatigue and fairly strong drink, the barman told her and Arthur that the bar was closing and to either get a room or get out.

“I didn’t bring money for a room - my family thinks I’m with Molly, they won’t expect me home … I’ve still got the marks from the last time I scared Mum in the middle of the night.� Arthur glanced over to Narcissa, as though hoping she had some brilliant idea.

In the space of about three seconds, some crazy, intoxicating thought flashed into her mind, she wasn’t sure what made her voice it aloud, or even what made her think it, but she did. “We could share if you’d like.�

“I’d like that very much.� He smiled and winked at her.

“Hate to break up the newfound love,� said the barman, “but if the two of you are -� He coughed loudly, “getting a room, then I suggest you go up to it now before I throw you out of my pub personally.�

“But of course.� He said, and they made their way together towards the stairs.


-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-


When people wake up, it usually takes them a few seconds to remember things, like recent events, and that they’re not at home.

For Narcissa Black, that few seconds of delicious calm were even shorter than normal, due to the man next to her.

“Good morning…� he said sleepily.

Narcissa yawned and replied, “Morn-� then she paused. She turned around and met the drowsy eyes of the man next to her.

“Oh Merlin, we - we - � She leapt out of bed, pulling on a dressing gown as quickly as she possibly could and backed into the wall opposite her side of the bed, cursing her own stupidity. She knew what she’d been feeling last night, and she also knew the one way to doom any budding friendship, any wisp of a hope of a relationship, was to do what they had just done.

She was such an idiot!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Ten minutes later, both Narcissa and Arthur were fully clothed and absolutely mortified.

The two of them stood near the door for a while, just staring at each other, shuffling their feet, neither one quite sure what to do. Narcissa had never been in a situation quite this awkward before, and she was fairly sure Arthur hadn’t been either judging by his face.

“Please don’t let this ruin us,� Narcissa jumped at his voice, which seemed so amplified after the silence. “I had a lot of fun with you last night!� Even as he finished the sentence his face turned a brilliant red. “That’s not what I meant, I meant before that - not that that wasn’t fun too, I just mean …� Arthur took a few quick breaths and gathered himself. “I loved really getting to talk to you - about something other than charms homework. And whatever you might say, I don’t think you’re as bad as the rest of them. What I’m trying to say is - I want to see you again. That is, as long as you do, I mean, if -�

“Oh God, Arthur, I do too!�

“Good. So … how about dinner then?�

Narcissa nodded. He gave her a light kiss on the cheek and darted out the door.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Narcissa never thought she’d find herself changing as much as she did in the six months after that night.

She’d unconsciously seen herself as a bit of a doll. Looking back at herself, she supposed she had been one. As the youngest of three sisters, as the least remarkable in a group of friends who were the well-respected children of even more respected men and women, she’d never been anything except a follower, parroting her friends and her family, wishing she could be more like them, or be as pretty as her, or as smart as him. She’d never really had fun, she’d never really believed that she was good looking.

Until she was with him.

There wasn’t a single day that went by without Arthur telling her how beautiful he thought she was. They did more than walk around arm in arm and talk to people, which was all Narcissa had really done with her old pureblood boyfriends. Like the time Narcissa and Arthur had gone through these enormous boxes of Muggle stuff a friend of Arthur’s had given him, and they’d uncovered an old gramophone and some records and talked and danced until their feet hurt.

Narcissa couldn’t help believing the whole thing might work.

She’d seen people be blindsided before. People who give everything to a person that changes their mind. Having something seem so perfect, but then an unexpected situation tearing everything apart. Sometimes a job, or moving, sometimes a person. Sometimes someone had an impossible choice to make.

She’d watched things like that happen to other people. She’d always thought she was on her guard. She never thought she’d be silly enough to let something like that slide past her.

She thought she was smarter than that.

It took Arthur to make her realise that when you were that in love with someone, there was nothing else. You didn’t think about all the things that could break you apart.

Until something did.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

- - - 6 months later - - -

Narcissa stepped into the dusty little house, taking off her jacket and stomping her feet to get the last vestiges of the rain outside off her boots. She shut the battered door to the cold night air.

“Cissa? Is that you, love?�

“It’s me, I-�

“Look at what I bought today, you’ll love it, it’s the cutest thing!�

Narcissa sighed and made her way into the sitting room. Despite both its size and general condition of the outside, Arthur had done a good job with his house.
Although it definitely wasn’t the decorating style Narcissa would have selected for herself - many oranges, yellows, browns and greens, everything with a rather well-loved look to it - the room was still brightly lit and more inviting, Narcissa had to admit, than her own home. Part of what made the place appealing for Narcissa was the man sitting on the sofa, staring at a round glass bowl with two small orange fish in it. The fish were staring vacantly at the walls of the bowl, not moving much, but he seemed utterly delighted with what he had got.

“They’re called goldfish, Muggles keep them as pets! I’m not sure why, really, they seem useless, but I thought you’d - like - them…� His voice faltered, face falling when he saw the look on Narcissa’s.

“They’re sweet, Arthur, but - I need to talk to you.�

He slid over on the sofa and tapped on one of the cushions. “What’s the matter, Cissa?�

Narcissa frowned. She wasn’t sure how to word this properly, how to make it clear that none of it had anything to do with him. Not him personally … “Lucius Malfoy p-proposed to me at a ball last night.�

“Wow, Narcissa, that’s - that’s a - wow.� He paused, something seemed to occur to him. “You told me you were just - you - you said no.� He looked straight at her. “Right?�

Narcissa’s face felt hot, and she kept her eyes fixed straight at the clock behind Arthur’s head, determined that if she looked anywhere but his eyes that she could keep her head and get out without embarrassing herself. “No, I didn’t. I said - I said yes.�

“You said it was just to keep your family happy. You said he knew the two of you weren’t that serious.�

Narcissa was not going to look at his expression, she knew she couldn’t … but when she at last relented and glanced his way, the hurt and betrayal was quite clear in his eyes. Why couldn’t he understand that that was just how those things worked? There was no ‘serious’ or ‘not serious’, there were plenty of relatively out-of-the-blue proposals once you left school … she felt the need to say something else, and ended up saying what was probably the world’s worst thing.

“It’s a - it’s a pureblood thing.�

She knew immediately how stupid her words were.

“That w-wasn’t what I m-m-meant, I - I mean pureblood as in - the really old f-families, not like y-yours, you’re n-not the same as - that - that’s a g-good thing! - it’s just -� She knew it would be virtually impossible to make her pureblood comment any less offensive, but that sure as hell wasn’t going to stop her from trying.

“Oh give it up. If you backpedalled any faster you’d knock over the aspidistra,� he said a little acidly. “Listen.� His voice softened. “If you stay with me … I’ll do anything and everything for you. I’ll do everything I can to make you happy. Your parents won’t care … just because my family isn’t in the Pureblood circle with the Blacks and the Malfoys and the Lestranges and the rest of them -�

“Arthur, your mother was blasted off our family tree-�

“- and that was forty years ago, wasn’t it?� What was going on? They must have gone through this whole thing ten times before, but he always left it before they got that far ...

“Don’t question my family’s logic, goodness knows I don’t. What I’m saying is, I know they won’t approve of you.�

“That didn’t stop Andromeda, did it?�

The quick back-and-forth-ing stopped with an abrupt halt. A silence spread across the room, and Narcissa’s eyes were so cold that she knew it would have made any man shrink backwards like a scared puppy, but Arthur kept looking at her. This time he clearly wasn’t backing off.

“Look, as horrible as they may seem to you, I love my family. I love my sister more than anything, and I don’t want to hurt Mama or Papa either. As admirable as I’m sure Andromeda’s intentions were, she never much liked them, and I don’t know whether she was naive enough to think Bella and I would skip along with her or she just didn’t care, but I do know that she cared more about Ted than any of us and that’s the truth! I do care about my family, I care about my parents and I especially care about my sister, and you and I marrying - I know it would hurt my parents, and it would crush Bella, I’m the only sister she’s got left! I might be happy, but the amount of people I would be hurting, knowingly? I mean, it’s not like I can pretend I didn’t know what would happen.�

“We could help them understand, I know we could.�

“But what if they don’t? Then the damage is d-done, and -� she paused, infuriated, “Why are you doing this to me? I love you, I love you more than anything else in the world -�

“You’re not really acting like it.�

“ARTHUR!� At least the two of them were even in terms of offensive remarks now ...

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that … okay. This is it.� After a few deep breaths, he continued, taking her hand in both of his. “Because I love you … I want you to do whatever makes you happy. As long as you really, truly think Lucius will make you happier than I will … go.�

Narcissa hated this whole situation with a white-hot passion. Why was he doing this to her? Why had she been so stupid as to get into one of those forbidden relationships? Why? She’d always said that the people who did that were foolish, and then she’d gone and done exactly the same thing!

“I - I explained wh-why, and that’s all I - all I can do. I already told you it’s not about me being happy, because I - I know I won’t be, but I - I h-have to! I’m sorry - you have no idea how sorry I am, but I have to go.�

Narcissa walked as quickly as she could without running for the door, but as she picked up her coat, Arthur grabbed her wrist.

“Let go of me!�

“Can I have something to remember you by?�

Narcissa sighed, letting herself fall into his arms one last time, breathing in his familiar smell. Then a kiss, but it wasn’t like the other kisses they’d shared. It was warm and bittersweet, lasting almost a little longer than it should have, and Narcissa knew they were both trying to make the most of it, trying to let it live forever.

Narcissa felt something hot and wet leak out of her eyes and roll down her face. She quickly pulled away and snatched up her coat. She didn’t even put it on, just held it, rushing out into the dark night, letting the cold rain and the hot tears mix on her face, walking until she couldn’t feel anymore.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

How many weddings had Narcissa been to? Narcissa felt as though she had watched at least twenty people be joined in holy matrimony with some other Pureblood, and there was an unreasonably good chance they didn’t actually love this other person at all. All those weddings she had seen, and she hadn’t seen her sister’s.

Once she had overcome the bitterness of the whole thing, she had actually grown quite fond of Lucius, which made preparing to walk down the aisle even harder. She wanted him to be proud of her. As time ticked closer and closer to two o’clock, Narcissa was in a borderline panic, and she ended up mentally going through a list of everything that she had said or seen be said to the bride at a wedding to calm them down before the time came. What’s the worst that could happen - she had already tried that and it had made things infinitely worse; you’re just walking up an aisle - that hadn’t really helped either, and the vows meant that she had to speak, which made matters so much worse, she could practically feel her mouth going dry, the frustrating sensation of knowing what to say, but not being able too … and that was just thinking about it. Narcissa resorted to sitting by the window and deep breathing, trying in desperation to get control of her airways.

Narcissa nearly jumped out of her skin when the door to the room opened. It was only her sister, Bella, though, wearing one of the pale pink bridesmaid’s dresses that Narcissa (or rather, Narcissa’s mother) had selected. Narcissa felt a little self-conscious looking at her. Bella had always been the most beautiful and Narcissa knew it, but that had always been amplified when all three of them were dressed their best. Even Narcissa’s cream-coloured wedding gown, even the elegant bun dotted with pink roses, none of that could disguise Bella’s obvious superiority.

“You’ve got to be ready soon, about half the guests are here and they’re coming quite steadily now.� She smiled kindly at Narcissa upon noticing her appearance. “There really is nothing to worry about, you know. I was really nervous before my wedding, but it’s quite easy, all you have to do is repeat things. You and Mama are the only ones in the family not giving speeches, you know.� Bella winked and exited.

Her sister’s reappearance made had made her nervous again - Narcissa returned to her reflection, vainly hoping that that a combination of face powder, magic and prayer might make her look a little less deathly. She had just got herself to a state that she was somewhat happy with when the door opened quietly.

A quick glance in the mirror told her that the person who had entered the room was the absolute last person she would ever want to see, today of all days. Narcissa leaned up against the table, still facing the mirror. The sooner she could get him out, the better.

“Narcissa …� His tone made her even more determined to get him away, she knew she couldn’t deal with him very long without there being a good chance of herself doing something she would regret. “Cissa, you don’t have to marry him if you don’t want to. Come with me.�

“No,� Narcissa firmly told the hairbrush on her dressing table, “you need to leave. Now. And don’t call me Cissa,� she added as an afterthought.

“I can’t leave, I can’t! The truth is … I want you! Wait, I said that wrong ... I - I want to be with you forever! You said you loved me too, and that it was for your family - I’ll be … I’ll do anything, whatever I have to do. I’ll convince them I’m different from my Mum, I’ll be the perfect pureblood son. They just don’t like what my family does, but they’ve never given me a chance yet.�

Narcissa couldn’t look at him, she kept staring at the table, trying to think about anyone but the man whose eyes were burning into the back of her head - but she still felt the telltale prickling in her eyes, something hot rising in her throat, covering up any answer she might have given … Oh fuck no, no, no, no … She could be cold with everyone else on the face of the earth, why not him?! More importantly, why couldn’t have he told her that before she accepted the proposal? She couldn’t break the wedding off, she couldn’t - it would reflect so badly on her family, not to mention Lucius - and that was completely ignoring the fact that she actually loved Lucius too … she was just starting to forget, to get used to her life as the wife of a person as respected as Lucius Malfoy ...

“P-please get out of here. Now.� That was it, she just had to keep herself together, and she’d be fine, fine, as long as she did. Not. Cry.

“Fine. I’ll go. But look at me. Look at me, and tell me you don’t care about me, and I’ll go.�

Narcissa obeyed, looking at his face for the first time since the engagement. She knew it had to be the last time too, she knew it. Her throat seemed to have closed up, every fibre of her being was screaming at her, and when she spoke the words seemed to be in an echo.

“I don’t care about you.�

The look Arthur gave her nearly broke her as he left the room.

Beating down the urge to cry for what was neither the first nor the last time, Narcissa smoothed her dress and tried to look as close to the ecstatic happiness she should have been feeling as she possibly could. She took a couple of deep breaths and turned towards the door.

Mrs. Narcissa Malfoy had to be strong.