Bitter Laughter

The biting wind whipped through the trees as a crescent moon struggled to break free of the blanket of clouds smothering its milky light. Dead leaves rustled dryly and fell free of their lifeless branches to land upon the brown grass. The sounds of the swirling night air echoed bleakly across the yard, where a dark figure crouched under a warm cloak, sharp eyes dulled with fatigue as he waited out his lonely vigil in silence.

The house he watched remained quiet and closed, safe from the threats of wind and weather, and more importantly, from Lord Voldemort. Its peaceful occupants slept silently in their beds, blissfully unaware of the guard Albus Dumbledore had set over their home on this cold Halloween night.

Remus Lupin sighed and stretched cramped muscles. His eyes explored the perimeter of the property, searching for intruders--Death Eaters come to kill on a hallowed night. Though strong defensive spells had been set, Remus sat ready to summon help should they be breached by an attack.

The area appeared clear, and Remus allowed himself to relax the smallest bit and contemplate the safety of his own friends that night. James and Lily had been in hiding for sometime, but recent word from Professor Dumbledore’s unnamed spy among the Death Eaters had indicated Voldemort might be moving in on them. The headmaster had advised the couple to use the Fidelius Charm to conceal their location to protect themselves and their young son, Harry, from attack. It was a complex and dangerous charm, involving the concealment of a secret inside the soul of a living person. Only the Secret-Keeper could reveal the secret; even those he told could not break the magical bond the spell placed on their own voice and reveal it to others.

Dumbledore had offered to be the Potter's Secret-Keeper, but James had turned down his offer, believing he would be too obvious. Dumbledore might be the most powerful wizard alive, as well as the only one Voldemort actually feared, but Dumbledore was also the most visible of those who fought against the Dark Lord, and in many ways the most vulnerable Secret-Keeper because of it. Instead they had turned to their friends.

Remus had immediately offered to be Secret-Keeper. He was not surprised, however, when James had thanked him but turned him down as well. He had chosen Sirius to guard their location, and Lily had performed the charm herself, sealing the secret of their hiding place within his soul. They had been unseen for a week, and Remus could only assume that they were safe since he had not heard otherwise for several days.

Sirius had gone into hiding also, hoping to further protect James, Lily, and their son. Should Voldemort suspect the Fidelius Charm was being used, he would have to track down the Secret-Keeper first in order to break it. Remus had not seen Sirius since the spell was cast, however, and thus did not know where any of his friends were hiding. He held the silent hope in his heart that they would all survive the long night, when the Death Eaters seemed to walk more freely each year, wreaking havoc on both the Muggle and the wizarding worlds.

Without warning a silvery phoenix appeared next to him, its ethereal wings rising and falling in a gossamer glow against the sky. It was Dumbledore’s Patronus, and it was summoning Remus to meet the headmaster immediately. A new guard would be arriving shortly to take his place. Remus felt his heart begin to race in alarm; he would only be asked to leave his post if something had happened, and he dreaded what it might be.

With a last look at the quiet house, Remus whispered a plea to the night that its occupants stay safe. He sent his own Patronus off in response, and then moved a short distance away from the wards protecting the house. He turned quickly in his place, and with a small ‘Pop,’ he Apparated to in Hogsmeade, hoping his friends were safe.

* * *

A single light shone through the grimy window of the Hog’s Head pub as Remus reappeared nearby. He shrugged off the uncomfortable feeling of Apparation and shivered as he quickly made his way inside, the feeling of dread continuing to squeeze at his heart. He could not be rid of the horrible thought that something had happened to James and Lily and their son.

As he entered the dim room, he was surprised to see that Dumbledore was not alone. Standing next to him was a dark, skinny man whom Remus had not seen since leaving Hogwarts: Severus Snape. His face was pale and his black eyes glittered strangely in the light cast off by the single lamp in the room. Remus felt an irrational surge of hatred and frowned as he joined the two men near the bar. Dumbledore’s brother, Aberforth, stepped out from the back room, his face grim.

“He’s on his way,� he reported, his low voice sounding gruff and tense. “You should go now.�

“As soon as we are able,� replied Dumbledore calmly. Remus was once again struck by how different the brothers were: Dumbledore was standing straight and tall in his blue robes, white hair and beard neatly trimmed. Aberforth, on the other hand, stomped around the pub in dirty grey robes that matched his unkept hair. His boots were scuffed and worn, and he wore a rope to belt his robes. Remus shook his head free of distracting thoughts and turned back to Dumbledore.

“What’s happened?� he demanded. Looking over Dumbledore’s shoulder at Snape, he felt a grimace shape his face. “And what’s he doing here?�

Remus expected Snape to offer a sharp retort, but the arrogant new potions professor was silent. Remus once again wondered why Dumbledore had accepted a known Death Eater onto the staff at Hogwarts, but was unable to continue that line of thought as Dumbledore spoke.

“Severus has just informed me that Lord Voldemort has learned the location of the Potters and has gone to their hiding place to finish what he’s tried so many times.�

Remus glanced at Snape in disbelief and laughed: there was no way to break a Fidelius Charm without the Secret-Keeper giving up the secret willingly, and Remus didn’t believe for a moment that Sirius would ever reveal anything--even under horrific torture. “And you believe him? Sirius would never give up their hiding place, not even under the Cruciatus Curse.� He laughed again, though he heard the uncertainty in his voice this time. He searched the Headmaster’s face for some sign that it was simply not true, refusing to think of what might have happened instead.

“The Dark Lord did not use the Cruciatus Curse,� said Snape softly from behind Dumbledore. He sounded worried, as if he actually cared about what might happen to James and Lily. “I was told the Secret-Keeper offered the secret freely.�

“Were you there?� demanded Remus, his gut twisting at the very thought of Sirius giving up James and Lily to Voldemort of his own free will.

“I was not,� replied Snape, looking away. “I only now learned of the Dark Lord’s plan and immediately informed the Headmaster.�

“Then you don’t know anything,� Remus snapped, his temper flaring with fear. “Sirius would never betray them, ever.� He bit back a dozen other responses; they could not stand around and debate the topic, they had to act quickly if it was even remotely possible that Snape’s information might be true. “What are we waiting for, either way?� he asked. “We have to find them immediately and make sure they are all right.�

“Unfortunately, Sirius did not reveal their location to me before he went into hiding himself,� replied Dumbledore, his voice heavy. “I was hoping that he would have shared the secret with you.�

Remus felt his heart turn to ice. “No,� he whispered as he shook his head, feeling sick. “I haven’t seen him since the spell was cast. Did he tell Peter?�

Dumbledore frowned, and seeing the head of the Order of the Phoenix express even the slightest hint of concern almost sent Remus into a panic. “Peter has not responded to my message yet,� Dumbledore finally confessed. “Nor has Sirius, whom I naturally attempted to contact first. I am afraid they may have both come to harm, given the information Severus has shared.�

Remus felt the fear explode inside of him, and he laughed bitterly this time as he turned away. The Fidelius Charm was supposed to have been the one protection that would guarantee James and Lily’s safety, and here they were unable to find the Secret-Keeper to learn whether they were indeed safe. Abruptly he stopped and grabbed Snape by the collar of his robes, shoving him against the bar as he drew his wand. “Where are they?� he snarled, as Dumbledore exclaimed, “Remus!�

“This is your fault,� Remus breathed, not releasing the pale man, instead pointing his wand at Snape’s throat. “You should have come sooner!�

Snape’s eyes flashed anger as he met Remus’s agonized gaze. “I came as soon as I could. I had nothing to do with it. I didn’t hear the secret myself, and you know that I could not reveal it even if I had.�

“Remus, release him,� ordered Dumbledore, as Aberforth snorted and walked toward the door, obviously waiting for someone and not wishing to be a part of the drama.

“He’s lying,� Remus snapped, pushing the former Slytherin away as if he were contaminated by Snape’s words. “He must know where they are!�

“He does not,� replied Dumbledore sternly, his tone tolerating no disagreement. “He has done well to bring us this much information and has placed himself in great jeopardy to do so.�

Remus impatiently turned away and began to pace, his mind only distantly registering the implications of Dumbledore’s words about Snape. His insides were twisted with worry; they were wasting time waiting while James and Lily and Harry could be fighting for their lives at that very moment. Had they not cast the powerful Fidelius Charm, he could be there instantly, protecting them. Dumbledore had said it was the best chance for their survival, yet here they stood, unable to even contact them. He cursed the delay, and the reasons for it, as he felt an almost hysterical laughter threaten to overwhelm him once more.

“He’s here,� Aberforth growled from the door, abruptly interrupting Remus’s grim thoughts. Remus turned hopefully toward the door, expecting to see Sirius step in from the dark night to reveal the magically protected location of the Potters, safe from Voldemort’s forces. Instead it was Hagrid, out of breath after a hurried trip from the castle.

“I jus’ got yer bird, Professor,� Hagrid began without preamble. “What’s happened?�

Remus closed his eyes, praying that that Sirius had told Hagrid the secret so that Hagrid could check on them, could help them . . .

“Do you know where the--ahhh.� Dumbledore stopped as a flash of fire in the hearth announced the arrival of Minerva McGonagall’s face in the flames.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Headmaster,� she began, but Dumbledore interrupted her with a brisk wave of his hand.

“That’s quite alright, Minerva. Have you heard something?� Remus leaned forward, hoping the news was good.

“Yes, sir,� she replied, her lips pressed tightly together. “There are reports on the Muggle news of some sort of explosion in Godric’s Hollow. It sounds suspicious, so I thought you’d like to know.�

Dumbledore was silent for a moment before he nodded. “Of course, Minerva. Thank you. Please remain at the castle. I will return shortly.�

McGonagall nodded and began to turn away.

“And one other thing, Minerva--head off Cornelius for me, should he call tonight. I’d appreciate it until I know exactly what’s happened.�

“Of course, Headmaster,� she replied, and the face in the Floo disappeared. Dumbledore stared into the hearth a moment longer before he turned with a thoughtful look on his face. Remus was startled when, within moments, a bright burst of flame lit the room and left Fawkes, the headmaster’s phoenix, perched calmly on a nearby chair. Snape raised an eyebrow, but neither Aberforth nor Hagrid appeared surprised by the sudden appearance of the magical bird.

Dumbledore stroked Fawkes’s golden head. “We need more information before we proceed. I must know if they were in Godric’s Hollow, and what has happened. Find what you can, and be quick.�

Fawkes let out a small squawk, and Dumbledore stepped back as the phoenix disappeared with another burst of flame. He then turned with a determined look toward the others in the room.

“Severus and I shall wait here for Fawkes to return momentarily. Remus, I want you to track down Sirius. You know him best, where he might be hiding. And if he is in trouble, he needs our help as much as the Potters do.� Remus started to object; he wanted to go to Godric’s Hollow, to find his friends, but Dumbledore held up his hand.

“I know you want to help James and Lily, Remus, but Sirius may need you as well. If Voldemort is still in Godric’s Hollow, which I doubt, we can handle him.� Dumbledore turned without argument to his brother. “Please send word to the rest of the Order and remain here as our contact. I will contact you when we have more information.�

Aberforth nodded curtly and without another word walked into the back room.

Dumbledore moved away, a pensive look on his face. Remus looked reluctantly at Hagrid and shrugged; he knew Dumbledore was right, that he should find Sirius, but he was desperate to learn what had happened in Godric’s Hollow. He stepped into the cold night, thinking only of his friends and hoping they were all alive.

---

Sorrowful Tears

Within the hour Professor Dumbledore sent his Patronus to summon Remus to Hogwarts. He had been unable to find Sirius, having gone to his current flat, his favorite haunts, and even to Grimmauld Place. Remus felt his fear increase as his friend remained missing, and the fate of his other friends remained unknown.

Upon Apparating to the gates, Remus quickly made his way through the sleeping castle to the Headmaster’s office. “Strawberry licorice,� he said, and the gargoyle leapt aside for him. Remus hurried up the revolving staircase, passing Snape on the way down, his face a white mask of shock that sent Remus's panic almost spinning out of control. He did not bother to knock on the headmaster’s door; he pushed it open to find Dumbledore seated at his desk, his fingers steepled near his chin, his eyes closed. He was alone; neither Minerva McGonagall nor Hagrid were anywhere to be seen.

“Were you able to find any sign of Sirius’s whereabouts?� he asked, standing without preamble and moving around the desk.

“No, sir,� answered Remus, his heart suddenly pounding wildly at the note of urgency in Dumbledore’s voice. “I searched everywhere, but no one has seen him since yesterday.�

“I was afraid it might be so,� murmured Dumbledore, turning away toward the hearth, silent.

“Why? What’s happened?� Remus demanded. “Are James and Lily safe?�

Dumbledore sighed heavily and turned back to face Remus. The grief-stricken look in the headmaster’s eyes pierced Remus’s heart and told him without words that the news was not good. He sank heavily into a small chintz chair nearby. His head fell into his hands, and he felt tears begin to sting the back of his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Remus,� said Dumbledore softly, his own eyes glistening in the glow of the fire. “It was indeed their house that was destroyed, and they did not survive.�

Remus shook his head, the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach threatening to overwhelm him and send him howling from the room. He looked up at Dumbledore as the tears began to fall; he wiped them away, confused and angry at all that had happened, and turned away until he could gain more control.

“How?� he finally asked, hearing a cold edge to his voice that was most unlike him.

“Voldemort,� replied Dumbledore simply. “He discovered their location, and he killed them in their own house.�

Remus felt more sobs threaten to shake his body, and got up to pace the office, nervous energy flowing through him in shock. How could this be happening? How could his two best friends--and their young son--be dead? How had Voldemort found them? How could the Fidelius Charm have failed?

With a crushing realization, Remus remembered that Sirius was still missing.

“Sirius?� he whispered, stopping in his tracks, his heart cold with fear.

Dumbledore was silent for a moment. “Unless there was another Secret-Keeper, Sirius was the only one who could reveal their location to Voldemort.�

“I don’t believe it,� Remus murmured, resuming his pacing as he swiped angrily at his eyes once more. How could Sirius do such a thing? Had he been captured and tortured? Surely that was the only explanation, and he clung to it with desperate hope: he had lost two friends already, and did not wish to lose another.

“I am sorry, Remus,� said Dumbledore. “I know that Sirius was a close friend, but we must accept that he was either forced to reveal the location, or that he willingly--"

“No!� snapped Remus, interrupting him before he could finish the awful sentence. “He would never do that, never!�

Dumbledore sighed. "We have suspected for some time that there was a leak within the Order, a spy passing information to Voldemort. Remus, I find it as inconceivable as you do that Sirius might be--"

Remus slashed at the air to stop him, breathing heavily; he was too furious to even speak.
It could not be Sirius, it just couldn't. It wasn't possible. It wasn't even worth considering. Voldemort must have found another way…

Remus turned angrily on Dumbledore. “If you suspected a spy, did it ever occur to you that he might be right here in this school? That Snape could be the spy? He may not have handed Voldemort the Potters, but he could have given him the key to their location!�

“He didn’t know Sirius was Secret-Keeper,� Dumbledore replied calmly “And I certainly wouldn’t have brought him on if I suspected him of anything so treacherous as this. �

“He betrayed all of them!� shouted Remus, but Dumbledore simply shook his head once more. “How can you believe him? How can you trust him? He’s a Death Eater, and he’s hated James and Sirius since the first year they met!�

Dumbledore sighed heavily, and to Remus’s surprise, he nodded. “I do not expect you to understand, Remus, nor can I explain. I only ask that you trust me when I tell you that Severus Snape is no longer a Death Eater, and is as loyal to the Order as you or I.�

Remus grunted in frustration and turned away. “What do we do now?� he asked, refusing to look at Dumbledore as he struggled once more with his emotions. A wave of sorrow washed over him and he choked it back for the moment, not ready to begin grieving, because that meant it was true--it was over.

“I have sent Hagrid to Godric’s Hollow. I will be heading there shortly to confirm my suspicions before going to the Ministry of Magic. If what I suspect is correct, there will be much to do today.�

“You mean besides mourning James and Lily? And their son?� Remus asked softly, closing his eyes and collapsing into the chintz chair once more as he failed to hold back the anguish. “It’s over, we failed. The charm was supposed to protect them, and it didn’t. What else is there to do?� He glanced up through blurry eyes at Dumbledore, swallowing thickly and feeling his face crumple once more.

Dumbledore frowned. “The Killing curse should not have destroyed their house. Something else happened at Godric’s Hollow tonight, something we may never understand completely.�

Remus shook his head. He did not care about obscure magical details at that moment. “I’ll never understand how Sirius could betray them,� he whispered.

Dumbledore walked over to the chair and placed his hand on Remus’s shoulder. “There is still hope, Remus. We need to find him before we condemn him.�

Remus took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ll go,� he said, standing up. He needed to know the truth, before it drove him mad trying to understand how Sirius could do such a thing.

“No, you’ve had a hard enough night. You should rest.� Dumbledore held Remus’s gaze. “I’ve already asked others to continue the search. Go home, Remus. There’s nothing you can do at the moment.�

Remus stared into Dumbledore’s blue eyes, normally so bright, but tonight dulled by sadness and loss; he could only imagine what his own face looked like. He shook his head this time and turned away. “No, I’m going to keep looking. I need to find him. I need to know what happened. I owe him that much, and James and Lily as well.�

“I understand,� replied Dumbledore softly. “Be careful, Remus. It is still a dangerous night, no matter what may have happened in Godric’s Hollow.�

Although he was bewildered by Dumbledore’s mysterious words, Remus did not give them second thought as he left the office. Dumbledore was always making cryptic remarks, and tonight he was too exhausted, both mentally and physically, to even begin to puzzle it out. He walked blindly through the halls of the sleeping castle, his thoughts drifting to memories of his years at Hogwarts.

There was the hallway where James and Sirius had first hexed Snape, and the hidden passageway that they had discovered on one of their first nights roaming the castle as under the invisibility cloak. He passed the portrait leading to Gryffindor Tower, and the classrooms where they had hidden from Argus Filch after one of James and Sirius’s pranks inevitably got them all in trouble. As Remus continued, images of the past began to bombard his senses, until he was frantically rushing toward the entrance hall to escape, desperate to leave the heartrending memories behind, along with the crushing pain he felt overwhelming his entire being.

He burst through the castle doors onto the front lawn and ran desperately toward the black lake, where he had spent so many happy days with his friends, teasing one other as they lounged in the sun, studying for class, or simply relaxing after a hard day. With a strangled sob, Remus tripped over a large root and collapsed under a beech tree, stripped bare by the brisk wind, its spindly branches reflected eerily in the glittering ripples of the dark water.

Of his three closest friends, one was dead, one was missing, and one was either captured or worse: a traitor. In a matter of hours, his life had changed forever; he felt lost, vulnerable, and confused. He wished more than anything that he could go back and change what had happened, makes James accept him as Secret-Keeper instead, but knew that he could not; even if he could, fate had a cruel way of achieving its ends. Remus howled out his pain and rage to a world that had taken his best friends and left him alone, devastated. Soon, however, he exhausted himself of anger, and could only weep sorrowful tears over the loss of his loved ones, and a life now irrevocably transformed by all that had happened that fateful night.

* * *