Chased by Daylight

Softly tracing the side of her face that is closer to him, before moving her bright red hair away from it, Teddy fights hard to bite back a sigh. Already, the first slivers of pink are slipping into the tiny room, a signal that once again, daylight has found them, however hard they try to hide from it. He wants more than anything to just stay here forever, one arm tightly around her waist, the other playing with her hair. But it can’t happen. What happened - what continues to happen - can’t, not again. They are toxic together.

He’s even too scared to place a kiss on her lips, because he can’t wake her up. There’s something just so wrong about it, not just all the fighting, but that he could destroy someone so innocent. Teddy knows he loves her, in some way or another, but he can’t love people. It just leads to him hurting them, or something worse. Even Victoire can’t look him in the eye to this day, and that was over merely a kiss. This is so much more.

Everything is wrong. First, there was screaming and throwing, and then there was… this. The little smile rests on her peaceful face as she seems to snuggle deeper into Teddy. To her, he’s the protector, the only one who ‘gets’ her, but it can’t be. She just needs him tonight, not ever again; it was the low point, and she’ll hate herself after she wakes up. Because above all, Teddy knows her, and he knows exactly how she’ll react. And he can’t bear to see the emptiness again. So he decides to slip away before she’ll even know, because even though she’s tried so hard, she can’t fix everyone. You just don’t get to choose that.

When the sunlight turns orange, he tells himself, he’ll leave. He just needs to hold her for a little longer, feel her overwhelming good, and then he’ll leave. It will be as if Teddy Lupin never existed to her, and she can continue on with her life, unharmed. She is one casualty he refuses to have on his hands. Now, though, while she’s so blissfully unaware, he can hold on to her, gaze at the splattering of freckles across her face, her lack of glasses, and her unruly hair, free from its normal, albeit loose, plait. This is the only time he can, though he knows it will only be flashes; he needs to have something to remember her by. And this, this is it. That’s why it’s perfect. It’s just… her.

Please, he thinks, just please slow time down for a while. Teddy doesn’t want to leave, but he can’t keep hurting her. He’s just not good for someone like her, and that’s the truth. She’s tried to hard to fix this, to make it work, but it’s broken, and Teddy’s just glad it’s ending on this note. Last night was truly one of the best of his life, and it’s much better than ending in a mess of tears and torn-up flowers. Oh, wait…

Shit. Suddenly, the peaceful face is no more; he has let himself hold on for too long. Her big brown eyes are confused momentarily before she immediately jumps out of the bed. She’s still in his shirt.

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?� Even she knows it isn’t even a question. Folding her arms across her chest, she looks down. Salty water is already rolling down her face. Without thinking, Teddy’s hands grip at his hair, which is currently dark brown. Everything he tried to avoid is happening, and he can’t stop it. He didn’t mean to hurt her like this. He swears it.

“You know, after yesterday -� His voice cracks, cutting it off.

“I don’t care. Last night was…� She trails off for a second, an impish smile appearing on her face as she looks down. “We can do this. I know we can.� Now she’s close, far too close to Teddy. Her soft hands grab his, and he can see the pleading in her eyes. Even with her make-up smudged under her eyes, she’s still beautiful, and he can smell the citrusy, bright perfume she’s so fond of. So many times, she’s said it just makes her feel happy.

“I can’t hurt you anymore,� is the only thing Teddy can say. He can’t let her convince him to stay, because she has to remember what happened last time. The end is here; they all knew they wouldn’t work.

“You don’t have to. If we just -� she starts, and Teddy immediately knows what she’s trying to say. There’s a reason they’ve never done told anyone about them, and it’s Teddy. She just can’t see his horrible flaws; she’s blinded by the silly little notion she’s always had, that every person is good, and Teddy can’t let that hurt her. She’s messing with the wrong person.

“You know why we can’t do that,� he replies, and she turns away. Suddenly, her lips are crashing on his, and he can feel her willing him to stay as she bites down slightly and kneads her fingers in his hair in that specific pattern of hers. “We all just want what’s best for you, Teddy.� Her voice is a whisper, and she’s leaning her head against my chest and breathing slightly heavily. “They won’t care. I promise.�

“They know me, babe. They’ll just tell you things you already know about me, and my relationships,� he replies, but his voice is a little husky. Slowly, she traces kisses up his arm to his neck and ear. He can feel his resolve crumbling a little with each touch of her lips, but reality grabs him as her grip on his wrists loosens.

“What if I don’t care?� she replies, but he can’t take this. He has to leave; their love dies each night as the stars do, and he can’t handle anything else. He’ll screw it up, because he just can’t do it. He’s not the type of person you take home to mummy and daddy, the bloke you fall in love with. He’s the basket case with dead parents and a list of behavioral issues longer than Dumbledore’s beard.

“You know I have to go,� he whispers, planting what he thinks is one last kiss on her forehead. Slowly he turns to slip away, but all it takes is one touch, one graze of her hand, and he wants to change everything, to believe that he can do this. But Teddy isn’t fooling anyone.

“You don’t get it. This is why I was angry, Teddy!� she exclaims, hurriedly turning away. Teddy knows she just doesn’t want him to see the hurt that’s happening. This hurt is temporary, though, and will go away. Well, if he can ever bring himself to leave. But after those minutes…

Almost silently, Teddy knocks at the door of the flat, concealing a bright orange bundle of flowers behind his back. Ever since Gran died, he’d find himself turning up at her flat, even though she’s only eighteen. They’d had a huge fight about a week ago, mostly about Teddy, Teddy’s anger, Teddy’s inability to commit to anything, oh, and did he mention Teddy?

“Why are you here?� Her voice is cold, and even in her baggy sweatshirt and glasses Teddy feels something in the pit of his stomach, the longing he knows far too well. “You can’t keep coming over like this.�

“I brought you flowers,� he replies, putting on a little smirk. “I remembered how much you hate lilies this time, too.�

“I don’t want them,� she says, about to shut the door in his face, but hers is hopeful. He sees it in the gaze hidden behind the glasses. “If you’re just in it for the sex, I can’t do this.�

“You know that’s not true.� That annoying smile is still on Teddy’s face, and before she knows it, he’s slipped behind her and lightly dragged her away from the door by her waist. His lips meet hers, making sure to be gentle at first, but she pushes him away.

“No.� A tear is just about to escape her eye, and she eyes the flowers.

“Come on -“

“No. You need to get out.� Without a second glance, she points her wand at the flowers, and they shatter into pieces. “I can’t deal with this, Ted. Not with everything.�

“Why did you bloody rip those up?� is the only thing he says.

“Because they’re from you, and you need to get out.� Her voice is wavering, and he can tell she’s just barely holding back tears.

“I promise I won’t leave you. You have to believe me; I want this more than anything,� he replies, looking deep into her eyes (though he’s lying through his teeth). “I love you.�

“Okay.� Forcing a smile, she lets Teddy take her by the hand into the bedroom he knows far too well.

“Really! I didn’t get that from when you ripped the flowers I bought to pieces!� he yelled right back, but immediately regretted it. “That’s why I have to do this! I can’t keep watching you; you scared the shit out of me last night! You were almost in tears, and you tore up my flowers at the mere sight of me. I just can’t watch that happen again. I can’t let you do this to yourself.�

“You’re the one doing this to me!� she screams, and Teddy just shuts his eyes and waits. “If you would just… effing… accept that you mean more to me than just nights, and stop moping about like you aren’t worth anything, you would realize it! I don’t want to be someone’s dirty little secret, Teddy!�

“You really don’t get it!� he yells, completely tearing at his hair. It’s now jet-black, and his eyes are flashing every which color. “Merlin, I don’t even know why I thought you would! You know what I do to people, and I can’t - just ask Victoire.�

“You haven’t done a thing to me,� she whispers, before wrapping her arms around her. “I don’t get why you blame yourself for the things that happened to your parents, or why you think you can’t relate to people, but you’re wrong. You helped me a lot, when I was little and now, and I don’t give a flying shit if you were a ‘trouble child’ or some other stupid trauma that you can’t seem to ignore. It’s okay to be insecure. Merlin knows I am, but this has got to stop.�

“I… I have to go. You’ll forget about this,� he stammers out, but she grabs him around the waist and presses her lips to his once more. It’s so different from the first time; it’s gentler, sweeter, and she’s just lightly tracing circles on his back. His body relaxes, but eventually he has to push her off. She just meets his lips again, though, trying harder, and he turns away. Now she’s positively desperate.

“I can’t. I can’t, Teddy. I need you. It just can’t be at night, either. I need you as a person, too.� Her voice is barely audible, and the tears are flowing again.

“I’m sure you’ll find a bloke who will buy you flowers you don’t have to throw away. Someone who will treat you right,� he just whispers back. One last kiss on her cheek, one last cheeky grin. The daylight is almost blinding now, and there’s a reason he’s always running away from it. Everything is so much clearer, reality’s hold so much firmer in the unavoidable light.

“When will you get it, Teddy? I love you, and this has got to stop.� Her voice is shaking and the tears are streaming far too fast. This is why he doesn’t try to hold on; if you get close to someone, you’ll just hurt them eventually. Whether it’s through death or falling apart, humans are never meant to be happy. There’s always something.

“I love you, too.� But then, he is gone.

*
Sighing, she opens her eyes and hurriedly glances over, but the other side of the bed is as empty as it was when she crawled in it. If she tries, she can smell his cologne, but it’s just an illusion. The stars are just starting to fade, and she just sits and stares out the window.

Everyone can see that the perfect little girl and the sad little boy are breaking. They just don’t know that they’re doing it to each other. It only got worse after the death of Andromeda Tonks; Teddy regressed into a bad, angry place, one Harry and his Gran had barely managed to break him out of the first time, but this time he dragged a pretty little redhead with him. It’s the crying, she knows, that pushes him away, but she can’t help it. Somehow, she allowed herself to fall for Teddy, and the only comfort is that she knows he’s slowly slipping over the edge himself. But he’ll never actually fall off the cliff, because he won’t let himself. It’s something she’s accepted, pathetically enough, and knows when he does eventually come back, she’ll let him in again.

She can still feel his touch, feel his lips on her skin and the pure joy through her. But they’re constantly being chased by daylight, and their moments will never last. It’s why she doesn’t want to sleep, because every time when she wakes up he’s gone, and then reality can’t help but hold her prisoner.

But she can hear his voice as she tries not to cry. Their encounters are getting more and more destructive, and the silly little moments of stolen kisses are gone, replaced with this. And so every morning, he slips further and further away from her, though she wants nothing more than to hold him in her arms. She can hear his whisper in her ear, even when he’s not here.

I love you, Lily.