James looked at himself in the mirror and blinked. The green eyes looked back at him from the pretty oval face, framed by the gleaming ginger hair which hung down to his shoulders. It was a face he liked very much, the face of his girlfriend, Lily. He had transformed himself to look exactly like her, just for an hour or so, by using Polyjuice Potion. It was for her own good, he told himself, although it would end up being for his good as well.

He had been planning it for months, and thought it was a good idea. It hadn't escaped his notice, the way that Severus Snape kept his eyes on Lily, watching her from a distance whenever she was around. James saw him looking at her when they were at school and also lately, since the slimy oddball lived just a few streets away from Lily. Snape was awfully crafty and sneaky, and he hated James. It was only a matter of time before he tried to use Lily to get revenge, to manipulate her--possibly using dark magic-- and steal her away. Well, James was not going to let that happen. He came up with the idea of using Polyjuice Potion, and told his friends about his plan. Peter and Sirius agreed that it would be a smart thing to do, but Remus disagreed, seeing no reason to suspect Snape of evil intentions regarding Lily. James remained convinced that his suspicions of Snape were justified, and decided to take action. Eventually, after enlisting the help of his friends to acquire the ingredients, he succeeded in brewing the complex potion in his basement. It only remained for him to arrange to meet with Snape, but there he got lucky.

A few days before Halloween, Lily received an owl from Snape, and it fortuitously arrived when James was with her. She had seemed thoughtful after reading the short note, and he had asked her what it said.

“Oh, nothing,� she had replied vaguely, whereupon James had playfully snatched it away from her, saying, “Let's see, then.� While she protested, he managed to read, “Dear Lily, If you would be so kind, please meet me on All Hallows Eve at midnight, in the graveyard where your dear parents are buried. --Severus.�

She was very annoyed with him, but he had tried to make light of it. “Why, were you actually going to meet him, then?� he asked.

“Well, I don't know. Maybe... “ she said.

“Oh, Lily,� James had said, “Why would you want to do that?�

“Well, he is my old friend...�

“But what kind of friend is he now? Still hanging around with his Slytherin mates... probably up to all kinds of no good. Why should he want to see you now, when he knows you're with me? You know he's only trying to make trouble for us.�

“You think so?�

“What else could it be? Do us both a favor and just stay away from him.�

“Well... all right,� she finally agreed, a bit reluctantly.

James, however, wasn't convinced that she had completely given up on the idea of meeting with Snape. He thought she might still be thinking about it, not because was sneaky or anything, but because she was so soft-hearted. Snape was her old childhood friend, and James suspected that she still felt some sympathy for him, and might go to meet him anyway. To keep this from happening-- and to give himself the chance to meet Snape as Lily-- James had her come to his place Halloween evening, where he had turned the clocks back one hour. Earlier in the day, he had been at her house briefly and had changed the clocks there, too. Remus and Sirius came over that evening as well, and they had all had a good time talking and playing cards. When Lily was ready to leave, she was surprised to see that it was only half past ten. Ordinarily James would have tried to convince her to stay a while longer, but this time he didn't. Since Remus and Sirius were both leaving then, Lily said goodnight and left also.

That gave James about half an hour to prepare for his rendezvous with Snape. He took a goblet full of Polyjuice Potion to his room, then put on an old set of robes he had outgrown years ago, which he thought to be about Lily's size. After adding one of her hairs to the potion, he drank it down. Then he watched, fascinated, in the mirror as his face changed into hers. He removed his glasses when they began to make his vision worse instead of better. Then he noticed that his shoes were far too big for her little feet, and searched for a smaller pair. The smallest he could find were only one size smaller, so he put on some thick socks and laced the shoes as tightly as he could. They were still too big, but the robes mostly concealed them, so Snape probably wouldn't notice, as long as James didn't trip over them.

Satisfied with his transformation-- and resisting the desire to peep under his robes-- James Apparated to the little graveyard where Lily's parents were laid to rest. He was a bit early-- it was about ten minutes to midnight-- and he expected to wait a bit for Snape to show up. However, as soon as he arrived, he saw a dark figure approach him. It was Snape, of course.

“Lily,� he said softly, as he stepped into the faint glow of a streetlamp some distance away. His face brightened with gladness as he looked at James, who began to realize a slight flaw in his plan. He had planned so carefully how he would make himself look like Lily, and considered how he would act like her and what he might say. But he hadn't anticipated how differently Snape would act when he believed he was talking to Lily. James had never seen Snape look at him smiling as he did now, or speak to him with such tender affection, and it was rather disconcerting.

“Thank you for coming,� Snape continued. “I hope it doesn't bother you, being here, but... I couldn't think of any better place. Here at least we can talk privately, but it's not too private. And it's... neutral.�

James merely listened and nodded, looking around at the gravestones.

“It's nice to see you again,� Snape said in the same gentle tones, moving a step or two closer. He extended a hand toward James, who made no move to take it, so Snape slowly lowered it. “How are you?� he asked.

“Fine, thanks,� James said in Lily's pretty voice, “You?�

“Not too bad. I've missed you, though. You've been avoiding me, I think.�

James frowned and said coolly, “Look, Severus. I can't be seeing you any more. I'm with James now--�

“--I know,� Snape said glumly, looking down at his feet. “but that doesn't mean you have to stop seeing me altogether, does it? He isn't jealous of me or anything, is he?�

“No, of course not!� James scoffed. “Why would he be jealous of you?�

“Why indeed? I'm sure he couldn't imagine that you'd prefer me to him...� Snape rolled his eyes. “Surely he would understand if you and I choose to see each other once in a while, just as friends. We are friends again now, aren't we?�

“Friends? Me and you?� James responded, slightly baffled. “But why? Because we were chums years ago, when we were children?�

Snape seemed a little hurt as he said humbly, “Well... yes. That's part of it, at least. That's why we have a sort of … understanding, because we've known each other for so long...�

“All right, but then things changed. We grew up. And now... well, I just don't see the point. James and I are very close. In fact, I think I'm falling in love with him.� James saw with satisfaction that Snape reacted to this with a kind of wince, then went on, “I don't know why you and I should continue this friendship. We don't have much in common anymore. I don't really want to keep seeing you, and I don't think James would like it if I did.�

“No, I don't suppose he would.�

“He would think you were after something more than friendship.�

Snape's eyes widened as he looked back at James.

Aha, thought James, that's it, isn't it? “Let's just put an end to it now, S-Severus,� he said. Oops, he almost called him Snape. That might have given him away; Lily never called him that.

“You don't need to be friends with me anymore.,� James continued, “You have other friends, don't you? That lot you've been hanging around with-- I hear they're planning to join You-Know-Who and become Death Eaters. That's what you're planning too, isn't it?�

“No!�Snape exclaimed. “No, I'm not planning anything of the sort. I'm friends with them because I don't like to be completely alone, and... well, who else will have me? It's not like your Gryffindor friends would ever welcome me to join them. They hate me-- they always did, before I ever did anything to them. Other than you, my Slytherin mates are the only friends I've ever had.�

James thought-- a bit guiltily-- that he had a point.

“Lily,� Snape said, with a little self-deprecating smile and a small shake of his head, “You might find this is silly, and maybe it is, but... I always used to feel so sure of myself when I was with you. I knew what I wanted and what I would do... and I always felt that I could do anything. But now... I don't know. I'm not at all sure of what I should do now, where I should go or anything. I had this idea that perhaps seeing you and talking with you tonight... that it would somehow make everything clear to me. But it hasn't.�

James had some strange feelings as he looked at Snape and listened to him speak. He seemed so surprisingly genuine and vulnerable. Suddenly James realized that Snape really wasn't all that ugly, though he and Sirius had continuously called the fellow an ugly git throughout their school years. But of course, he had previously always seen the black-haired Slytherin scowling or sneering, or shouting back at James and his mates. He had never seen Snape as he looked now, his dark eyes full of warmth and sincerity, his face softened, his deep voice so gentle and appealing. James could actually see how Lily would feel sympathy for her old friend-- perhaps even feel attracted to him-- so it was a good thing that she wasn't actually meeting him tonight.

“Well, I don't know what to tell you,� James responded. “I've no idea what you should do now. That's something you need to work out for yourself.�

Snape nodded, his head lowered, as if he were being scolded by a teacher at school. “I suppose,� he said finally. “Oh, there's also this--� he added, reaching for his wand.

At least, that's what James thought he was reaching for, and he reacted swiftly and instinctively, drawing his own wand as if for a duel. It was understandable, considering all the times he and Snape had interacted by casting curses at each other. He realized his mistake, though, when he saw the look on Snape's face. It was stunned and frozen, the eyes wide, the mouth slightly open.

“Lily...� he said with disbelief, “You don't think I would... use magic against you, do you?�

James tried to shrug it off as he replaced his wand. “No, not really,� he said, “Don't mind me. I've been a bit edgy lately.�

“Really?� Snape said with concern. “Why? Do you feel threatened?�

“No, it's just... Never mind.�

“I know your friends don't think much of me. They wouldn't trust me as far as they could throw me, I reckon. But you should know me better than that, Lily.� He moved a bit closer and placed his hands on James' upper arms, which made James highly uncomfortable, especially as Snape gazed tenderly into his eyes. It was all he could do resist squirming out of Snape's grasp.

“You should know that I would never do anything to harm you,� Snape said earnestly, “There is no one in this world that I care about more than you. I will always be your friend, no matter what happens.�

James nodded and said quietly, “All right.� He took a tiny step back, as Snape released him. Then Snape reached again into his pocket, saying, “What I was going to give you is this...�

He held out his hand, with a wand-like object laying across his palm. It was smaller than a wand, though-- more like a Muggle writing implement of some sort. James picked it up with dainty fingers, trying not to touch Snape's hand.

“I found it a little while ago amongst my old school things,� Snape explained. “Do you remember? We were studying in the library once, and my quill broke, so you let me borrow this. You said it had belonged to your father and that I'd have to return it. I must have forgotten about it until I found it just now. I thought you'd want it back, since it was your father's.�

“Thank you,� said James, “That was very thoughtful of you.� It was, he had to admit.

“Well, Lily... If you ever need anything … If there is anything I can do for you... “

“No, there isn't. I don't want anything from you now, except for you to stay away from me.�

“Fine.�

“I mean it. It's time we went our separate ways. Don't try to see me or contact me at all anymore. All right?�

“All right.�

“Promise me you won't.� That was a brilliant move, James thought. Snape would surely keep a promise to Lily.

Snape's face had the expression of someone who realized he was losing everything he'd ever hoped for. He lowered his head and exhaled. With the heavy reluctance of a wizard agreeing to never use magic again, he said in a low voice, “I promise.�

Suppressing the urge to smirk with triumph, James said simply, “Good. I think that's all we need to say now.�

Snape nodded slowly, looking utterly dejected.

“Goodbye then, Severus,� James said with finality, and added graciously, “I wish you well.�

“Remember what I said, Lily,� Snape said quietly, “I'll always consider myself your friend, no matter what. If there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know. I'll be around.� He bit his lip, his dark eyes shining. If there was ever a time when James could feel sorry for the fellow, it was now.

“Fine,� James replied, “If there's nothing else then, you can go. I don't need to watch you sniveling.�

The effect of that last word on Snape was sharp and immediate, like a slap in the face. James thought for a moment that he had given the game away, by using a word so much like his old derogatory nickname for Snape. After his almost flinching reaction had passed, Snape's eyes narrowed slightly, giving James an appraising look. Finally, with a small shake of his head, he said, “It sounds like your friends have been doing a good job of turning you against me. Be careful, though. You may not believe this, but I'm not sure Potter and his lot are completely trustworthy.�

He took a few steps back, into the shadows, and looked around as he drew his wand. “Goodbye, Lily,� he said gently. “Take care.� Then he Disapparated.

James breathed a sigh of relief. Pleased that he had accomplished his mission successfully, he also felt a little guilty since he had done it in such an underhanded way. Never mind, he told himself. The end justifies the means. Lily would be his now, he felt sure. She would not be stolen away from him by any of Snape's dirty tricks, yet even as he thought this he knew it wasn't true. Snape had not tried anything underhanded-- indeed, by his reaction, he had never even considered using magic on Lily in any way. No matter. He would most likely stay away from her now, as he had promised.

Soon James' skin began to tingle, especially his face and scalp. The bones of his spine and limbs began to ache, as if he were being stretched. The Polyjuice Potion was beginning to wear off, a rather uncomfortable process which James had to endure for about ten minutes. Eventually he felt more or less normal again. He touched his face and ran his fingers through his short hair, patted his body-- where everything was back where it should be-- and loosened the laces of his too-tight shoes.

His suspicion that Lily still might try to meet Snape was confirmed when she showed up a few minutes before one. He was leaning casually against a gravestone and turned to look at her when he heard the small pop of her Apparating. She peered around, spotted him in the dim light and called softly, “Sev?�

“Lily,� James said coolly, “Well, well. What brings you here?�

“James?� said Lily, confused.

“Yes. Why, who were you expecting? Severus?�

“Er... yes, if you must know. Is he here?�

James took a quick glance around and said, “I don't see him.�

“What are you doing here?� Lily asked.

“I might ask you the same thing. I thought you weren't going to meet him.�

“James...� she sighed, “I don't expect you to understand, but I decided that it would be a good idea to meet him anyway...�

“Why?�

“James! It's none of your business,� she replied stubbornly, “I don't have to explain myself to you. Besides, you haven't answered my question: What are you doing here? Have you seen him?�

“No.�

Lily pursed her lips as she looked around the otherwise deserted graveyard. “Hm. I wonder why he isn't here.�

“Perhaps he had better things to do, like joining the Death Eaters...�

“James, that's not funny. Perhaps he saw you here and it put him off.�

“That wouldn't surprise me. He was always afraid of me, the coward.�

“Well, who could blame him? You were terrible to him.�

“And I did apologize to him that one time,� he reminded her. “Anyway, I don't see any sign of him, so... Come on, let's get out of here. I'll walk you home.� With that, he took her by the arm and tried to lead her out of the graveyard, but she hesitated, looking back.

“Unless you want to stay here all night...� said James.

“It's just... Well, it's strange that he's not here,� said Lily. “I thought he really wanted to talk to me... that maybe he needed my help or something. He is my friend, after all.�

“Well, he isn't here now, so... maybe he isn't really your friend anymore. Come on.�

After one last look around, Lily reluctantly agreed, and allowed James to accompany her to her house. She was quiet and seemed pensive as they walked along the lonely streets, and she stopped to gaze long and hard down one and then another, as if she were looking for something or someone. After he kissed her goodnight and watched the door close behind her, James hoped that from now on Severus Snape would stay out of her life, and out of her mind.

Chapter 2 Devotion


Lily was tired of being in hiding, of being cooped up in this house day after day, with no end in sight. She knew that James was tired of it, too. He had been very edgy and moody lately. Thank goodness they had little Harry, their pride and joy, to keep them busy and entertained. He was a handful, toddling around the house, getting into everything, but he was so cheerful. His cheeky grins and peals of laughter made everything seem more bearable.

It was near the end of October one evening when Lily, looking for something to do, sorted through the clothes in their wardrobe. She found some old robes and brought them downstairs to show them to James, who was playing peek-a-boo with Harry. “What about these?� she asked, holding up some robes she had never seen him wear, “They look too small for you.�

James glanced up. “Oh, right,� he answered, “I haven't worn those in years. You might as well toss them.�

Lily searched the pockets first, and pulled out a small object. She looked at it carefully, recognizing it. “This is my father's fountain pen,� she said wonderingly. “How did it get in the pocket of one of your old robes?�

“Oh, I forgot I left it in there,� James said while Harry giggled.

“Where did you get it?�

“Snape gave it to me when I met him...�

“You met Severus?� she said with surprise, “When?�

“Oh, a long time ago. Just after we finished school.�

“Really? Why didn't you tell me?�

“I don't know,� he said with a shrug,�I forgot.�

“You met Severus, and he gave you my father's pen to give to me, and you forgot about it?�

“Yes. Sorry. It didn't seem that important.�

“Hm,� Lily said, frowning. “What did he say?�

“Er... He said that you told him it was your father's and that you'd want it back.�

“Hm... Where did you meet him?�

“Oh, Lily,� James said, becoming exasperated. “What does it matter?�

“Well, I'm just wondering... I find it curious that you met him and talked with him some time ago, and I'm just now hearing about it. Where did you meet?�

“I met him...� James grimaced and put his hand on his brow. “All right. If you must know... I met him in the graveyard that night when you were going to meet him.�

Lily's eyes widened and her lips parted. “You...�

“Yes,� he said heavily, lowering his head, “I confess.�

“You lied to me.�

“Yes. I'm sorry. I had good reason, though-- at least, I thought I did.�

Lily gave him a stern look, then bent down to pick up Harry, who was starting to fuss. “Come, sweetheart,� she said, carrying him upstairs, “You go to bed now, then Daddy and I are going to talk.�

When she returned to the sitting room a few minutes later, James was sitting in a chair by the hearth. She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, her eyes narrowed. “Tell me about it,� she said quietly.

James sighed. “Lily, there isn't much to tell,� he said simply, “I met him in the graveyard--�

“Why? Why did you go to meet him?�

“I... I just wanted to find out what he was up to...�

“And... What did you say to him?�

“I told him to stay away from you. I said you didn't want to see him anymore... that he must promise not to see you or contact you, and he promised.�

“What did you do to him? Did you curse him? Threaten him?�

“No! I didn't, I swear!�

“But you made him promise to stay away from me. How?�

James closed his eyes and turned his face away from her. “He thought he was talking to you,� he admitted. “I used Polyjuice Potion.�

Lily's eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open. “James!� she said, aghast. “How could you? What a horrible, deceitful thing to do! You went there as me, and made him promise me ...� Her voice trailed off and her eyes, unseeing, searched the room.

James nodded slowly.

“And that's why I haven't seen or heard from him ever since.�

“I suppose so.�

Lily shook her head in disbelief. “What else did say? Tell me everything.�

“Ah, Lily... It was a long time ago... “

“Think. Remember as much as you can.�

“Why is it so important to you?�

“You met my old friend, pretending to be me... I want to know what he had to say to me, and what I supposedly said to him.�

“All right,� James said resignedly, “Let me think... He said he wanted to see you. He said that you two should still see each other once in a while, just as friends. I told him I didn't think so-- that is, you didn't think so.� Lily nodded thoughtfully, but made no comment.

James continued, “I said, 'Aren't you and your friends planning to join You-Know-Who and become Death Eaters?' and he said no, he wasn't planning to. He must have been lying. I heard that he joined soon after that.�

“Hm,� said Lily. “Go on.�

“Well... He said something about not knowing what he was going to do. He said that... being with you used to make him feel sure of himself, like he knew what he was doing... but he didn't feel that way now.�

“No wonder. He wasn't really with me then, was he? What did you say?�

“I said I didn't know what he should do. Then he gave me that thing of your father's, and I thanked him. He said that he would still be your friend, in any case, and that if there was anything he could do for you... I said that all I wanted him to do was to stay away from me-- from you-- and made him promise that he would.�

Lily seemed to absorb this for a moment before asking, “Anything else?�

“Ah... Just before he left, he said that if you ever needed him for anything, to let him know. I don't suppose you'll be needing help from a Death Eater,� James added sarcastically.

“Is that all?'

“Yes. That's about all.�

Lily walked to a cupboard, took out a bottle of brandy and poured herself a glass. Turning back to James, she said, “Thank you for telling me.�

“I'm really sorry,� James said contritely, moving toward her. “Will you forgive me?�

She stood at a window, staring out at the dark night.“Yes. I will,� she said, “But not quite yet.�

James nodded and started to go upstairs. He stopped a moment, looked back at her and said, “I love you.�

She gave him a small smile and said quietly, “I love you too, James.�

When her husband was upstairs, Lily took her father's fountain pen from her pocket, found a piece of blank parchment and wrote, “Dear Severus, Please meet me Tuesday night, at the same hour, in the same place that we met the last time. Don't reply. --Lily.�

She went to the kitchen window, opened it, and silently summoned their owl. After tying the note to the bird's leg, she sent it off into the night. She hoped that Severus wasn't far away, that he would receive the owl soon, and be there to meet her in the graveyard the night after next.


The next two days seemed interminable to Lily. While she was pensive and preoccupied, she tried to behave normally. James' seemed penitent, his behavior a combination of attentive service and cautious avoidance. He took over most of the child care and housekeeping duties, leaving her with less to do. It was a relief when Sirius stopped by for a visit Monday afternoon. He stayed for dinner and they talked, and he had fun playing with Harry. Peter came by Tuesday evening, but didn't stay long. After he left, and after putting Harry to bed, Lily sat in the sitting room with a book in front of her, but she didn't read. James tidied up a bit, then finally, just after eleven o'clock, he kissed her goodnight and went upstairs.

Lily had been thinking of Severus, and about what had happened between them in the months after they had finished school.

They had rekindled their friendship and were enjoying spending some time together, even as Lily continued to see James. She and Severus were just friends, she had reasoned. Its wasn't as if they were dating. But James was suspicious and jealous, which she saw as a sign of how much he cared for her. So, as a favor to James, she had almost completely stopped seeing Severus. That was when he sent the owl asking to meet her but, because of James' interference, she never got to meet with him that night. They had not had any contact with each other ever since. Until now.

She remembered how she had felt about Severus then. In spite of what she had told James-- and herself-- she was beginning to have more-than-friendly feelings for him. There was a genuine fondness, a closeness that was rooted in all the time they had known each other, and she knew that he felt the same for her. Even more, actually. In fact, to be honest about it, she had been aware that he was in love with her. But she was beginning to grow closer to James, spending more and more of her time with him. Now she wondered. Did she truly love Severus then? What if she had split up with James, and went with Severus instead? Would she have loved him as much, or more? Would they have been happy together? She asked herself these questions in a effort to sort out her feelings, but she didn't know how to answer them.

At a quarter to midnight, hearing not a sound from upstairs, she went into the kitchen. Standing in the middle of the room facing the door, she drew her wand and concentrated on the graveyard where her parents were buried. Then she Disapparated.

She had barely touched ground when a dark figure approached, a hand outstretched toward her, palm down. “Don't move,� said a voice. It was Severus, she realized with a rush of gladness. With his wand in his other hand, he began immediately to cast protective spells, walking in a large circle around the both of them. “Muffliato,.. Salvio Hexia... Protego Totalum...�
he intoned. As she watched him, she was flooded with impressions and emotions.

Was he this tall before? His voice this deep? She suddenly realized that she had been expecting to see him as she had seen him last, as an eighteen-year-old. But of course, five years had passed since then, so his appearance now was both familiar and different to her. His face was much the same: the dark eyes, the long black hair-- now tousled and wind-blown. While still trim, he had put on a bit of weight, looking broader in the shoulder and more solid than the rangy adolescent he once was. Though he seemed more manly now, she knew that he was still her old friend as he turned to face her.

“Lily!� he exclaimed, full of concern, “Are you all right? Has something happened?�

“No, nothing's happened,� she answered, “I'm all right.�

“Are you sure?�

“Yes. Well, I'm in hiding now, except that I've popped out for a bit. I didn't tell James-- he wouldn't have let me.�

“I don't blame him. It's extremely dangerous for you to be out now,� Severus said, looking around the graveyard as he pocketed his wand.

“Well, I'm with you, so I should be all right...�

His face softened a little, and he moved a bit closer. “�What's the matter?� he asked gently.

She looked into his eyes and smiled, putting a hand on his arm. “Sev... It's so nice to see you again.�

He smiled at her finally and said, “It's wonderful to see you again... But, why did you want to see me now? Do you need anything?�

“No, I just wanted to talk to you,� she said, as he looked at her expectantly. “I've just learned... That is, I've just realized that the last time we met, I wasn't quite myself...� She saw realization dawn on his face, and she continued, “I don't want to explain what happened, because it's a bit complicated... “

Though it wasn't really complicated, of course. She could have explained in a few words that James had used Polyjuice Potion and pretended to be her, but she chose not to. She knew that telling him that would only make Severus furious with James, and she didn't want that.

“You weren't... Imperiused, were you?'� he asked.

“Oh, no. Nothing like that,� she reassured him. “But I really wasn't myself, and I'm afraid I said things to you that I wouldn't have said normally.�

“You know, I did think that you were a bit... different. But I thought it was because you had been spending so much time with James and his friends.�

“Well, it was more than that. Remind me, Sev, because I don't remember much of what we said. Did you say that you weren't sure of what you wanted to do since finishing with school, and that you thought I could help you with that?�

“Yes. I did say something like that.�

“And I said...�

“That you had no idea of what I should do. That I had to work that out for myself.�

“Oh, Sev...� she moaned sadly, “I should have helped you. I should have suggested something, or told you to talk to someone who could help you. Did you ask if there was anything you could do for me?�

He nodded.

“And I said that all I wanted was for you to stay away from me, and I made you promise you would?�

He nodded again.

“That's why I haven't heard from you since, isn't it?�

“Yes.�

She shook her head with regret. “Oh, Sev...� she said softly, “Did I tell you how much I cared for you?�

He looked at her with wonder and shook his head.

“I really did, and I still do. I really didn't want you to stay away from me. I've missed you.�

“I've missed you, too.,� he said, almost at a whisper.

“I was devastated when I heard that you joined You-Know-Who.�

“The second worst thing I've ever done,� he said quietly, lowering his head.

“Oh... I should have told you to stay away from him!� she exclaimed. “You wouldn't have joined him if you had promised me you wouldn't...�

“No, I wouldn't have.�

“I said all the wrong things, Sev. I'm sorry--�

“Don't be,� he said, his eyes downcast. “It wasn't your fault. I'm the only one responsible for the choices I've made, and I've made some very bad ones. Lily, I have something to confess to you-- something terrible... I'm the reason you're in hiding.�

She tilted her head questioningly. “I was spying on Dumbledore,� he explained, “He was interviewing a new Divination teacher, and I heard her speak in a strange voice... It was a prophecy. It said... that the one with the power to defeat the Dark Lord would be born at the end of the seventh month, to parents who had thrice defied him...�

Lily's eyes widened with realization.

“Lily...� he said despairingly, “I didn't know what it meant when I reported it back to the Dark Lord, but he was convinced that the prophecy referred to your son. There was no way I could persuade him otherwise. That's why he is after your son, to destroy the one who could destroy him.�

She shook her head, her mouth open but unable to speak.

“The only thing I could think to do was to go to Dumbledore,� Severus continued. “I begged him to protect you-- all three of you. In exchange... he asked me to retain my place at the Dark Lord's side. I'm to learn what I can and pass any useful information back to Dumbledore and the rest of the Order. So... while to most of the world I'm still a Death Eater, I'm actually working as an undercover member of the Order.�

She gasped. “But, Sev... That's incredibly dangerous. If they find out, they'll kill you.�

“I know. That's why I don't intend for anyone to find out.�

“Well, your secret is safe with me. I'm glad you're on our side now, but I'll be so worried for you...�

“Lily, all you have to worry about is yourself, your child and your husband,� he urged. “When you leave here, go back to your hiding place-- don't tell me where it is-- and stay there. Use all the protective spells you can-- whatever Dumbledore has done for you. Stay hidden. Be vigilant.�

“I will,� she agreed, nodding.

“Is there anything else you want from me?�

“Just for you to be careful. Very careful. I suppose... I should go now. Sev...� she began helplessly, “I don't know when we'll see each other again...�

She threw her arms around him, and he held her close. She lay her head on his shoulder, felt his chest rise and fall against her own, his hand gently stroking her hair. Shutting her eyes tightly, she felt the texture of his woolen cloak on her cheek and inhaled. It smelled faintly of wood smoke. Finally, with great reluctance, they released each other. She took a few steps back, preparing to leave.

“Goodbye, Sev,� she said, her voice quavering a bit.

“Take care, Lily,� he said softly, his eyes shining. “Stay safe.�

“You, too. Be careful.�

She drew her wand and thought about the kitchen in the house at Godric's Hollow. When she looked at Severus once more, he said something. It seemed to come from deep within him, as if it were a part of his very being. Something that he had lived with, day in and day out, every day since he had known her.

“I love you,� he said.

She gave him a small smile and replied, “I love you, too, Sev.�

Then she Disapparated.


On the third of November, early in the evening, as the sky changed from the deep indigo of dusk to the dark of night, a chill wind blew through a nearly deserted cemetery. Only one person was present, a man in black who sat upon the ground, leaning against a gravestone. It was shiny slab of granite newly inscribed with the names “James Potter� and “Lily Potter,� along with the dates of birth and the date of death, which was the same for both. Piled before the gravestone was a rectangular mound of freshly dug earth, topped with several wreaths of flowers. It was on this mound that the man's unseeing eyes were focused.

The man was in his twenties, and seemed unkempt and unhealthy. His black hair hung in limp strands to his collar on either side of his sallow face, which was paler than usual. There were dark circles under his dark eyes, and his unshaven cheeks were slightly sunken, giving him a somewhat cadaverous aspect. He almost looked as if he were himself a corpse, waiting to be buried in the cold ground upon which he sat.

Suddenly, with a small pop, another person appeared not far away. This was a man in long robes and a cloak, with silvery gray hair and beard, and half-moon spectacles perched on his nose. He looked around the cemetery, and approached the man on the ground, who turned to look at him.

“Severus...� the silver-haired man said gently, “You can't bring her back.�

The man called Severus didn't answer, slowly letting his gaze fall again to the earth in front of him. The newcomer moved closer, stopping right beside him. “Come, Severus,� he said, holding his hand out to him. “Come with me now.�

Severus slowly raised his own hand. The older man took it and, with surprising strength for a man of his years, pulled the younger man to his feet. He looked into Severus' eyes for a moment and said, “Let's go,� then grasped him firmly by the wrist.

Then, in an instant, they were gone.