Set in Silver Stone

It haunted his very dreams, nightmares, even when he was fully awake, attentive to the teachers' lectures and assignments, always and forever hanging over him like a dark and heavy cloud that never poured out its fury or depression, but remained there, still and foreboding. He didn't know if he could handle it, day in and day out, but somehow he managed to get by, to allow life to overtake him.

But it clung to him desperately, and the banners in the Great Hall stood as a constant reminder, especially the Slytherin House, dark green and sickening silver.

Silver. This is what beleaguered him, belittled him, mocked him at every turn, at every silver fastening on a Slytherin cloak, on the silverware at meals, at the silvery orbs in Divination class, the silver unicorn blood used in Potions, or else its silvery hair... The silver needles in Transfiguration, the silver armor in the halls, the silvery glow of the moon, dancing its light on the silvery lake for all to see... Silver, silver, silver...

It pained him to admit his fears, so he kept silent about what ailed him most, perhaps less than his actual illness, but more so than anything else he had ever experienced.

Yet still did it persist, an ever growing remnant of his past, of his present, and of his unknown future.

Never before did he see it as beautiful, magnificent, or pure, but more as his impending doom, torture, and mournful gloom. He avoided it at all costs, waves of nausea predicting its appearance, his skin’s pallor intensifying. With each symptom, he retreated further inside himself.

But he could not fully be rid of it. It was a part of him, gnawing further into the dark realms of his aching, grey heart. It aged him far too quickly, this stress, this sickness, this fear.

Redemption came in the form of a goddess, her emerald eyes drawing out the oozing poison, her fiery hair evaporating all worries and cares, her wisdom flooding his being with an immense warmth he had never felt before, not even with his own family. She shone brightly, far more than the silvery moon, pure and unadulterated. She became his strength, his focus, his serenity. She changed how he once viewed that awful haunting venom sucking him dry of any hope.

She had a silvery laugh that caused him to shiver pleasantly and bask in her golden glow. She was that silver lining in the charcoal, heavy cloud obscuring his spirit. Nobody could say any different.

*~*

"Remus?" came her soft, soothing voice from behind the silver birch tree.

"Hmm?" He looked up into those shining eyes, which seemed to reflect every luscious green hue in existence.

She sat down next to him on the patchy grass and let her gaze wander over the still Black Lake, which even now in the bright daylight remained as dark as ever.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she sighed, respect for nature emanating from her fine features.

"What is?" he asked, staring in the same direction. All he saw was black, an ugly color by all means, for it reminded him of death, of the long and evil night.

"The water. Look at how the rays create the silvery sheen." The awe in her voice infected him, and he found he could not despise what he beheld. It amazed him how she could find beauty in even the darkest things.

"Did you come here to just admire the lake?" he wondered, but with a more playful tone that he rarely used except with her.

Her gaze rested on him, and she seemed to be examining his tired, peaky face.

"No," she said simply, and then smiled- a calm smile.

"I actually have something for you. You've seemed kind of down lately and I thought it might cheer you up.� She pulled out a small wrapped gift, colored - of all things - in a silvery blue.

He hesitated, his eyes locking with the color, old fears fighting to the shores of his mind. He managed to hold them at bay as his slim fingers grasped the tiny package. His hands tensed, but nothing seemed to happen. She gave him a curious look.

“What’s the matter?� she asked nicely, smoothly rubbing his shoulder.

“Nothing,� he lied quickly, giving her a small smile. He willed himself to open the wrapping. As the paper fell away, he began to register what lay before him: a beautifully carved wolf made from silver stone.

His breath caught in his throat. What little air was inside him vanished, and his lungs shriveled up, his heart beating faster than ever.

She worriedly turned his face towards hers. “What is it? Do you not like it?�

He forced himself to stare into those eyes, those kind and loving green eyes.

“It’s magnificent,� he croaked, unsure of allowing his fears to come pouring out.

“It’s a protection stone. Silver is said to have healing powers, and can also help defend a person against danger. I thought it might help you get over your many illnesses and be a safeguard. It’s a wolf because of your patronus - like double protection.� She smiled at him with her pure goodness.

He could tell that his eyes were tearing up; that she would be so kind and caring, to think of him and want to help!

She seemed to sense how he felt, and she leaned over to give him a gentle hug. “Remus…� But she didn’t need to go further. No words were needed.

His trembling fingers were scared to touch the silver stone,, and he settled for just gazing at its beauty. The wolf was poised in a howling motion, its tail slender, but pointed high in some animal pride. She could not know that here lay his two worst nightmares, embedded in his very being. The irony of it all! Meant to protect him, when all it seemed to do was endanger him…

But her love and care fed his spark of hope.

“Thank you, Lily,� he murmured. She blessed him again with another angelic smile.

“I hope you feel better soon,� she said with a starry twinkle in her eye, and with that, she gave him a light, chaste kiss on his cheek and left.

*~*

Christmas morning dawned bright and early as Remus rolled over in his shabby bed. His eyes opened to the sight of the silver wolf, perched on his nightstand, poised to defend its master. He gave it a sad smile and took great care to not touch it with his bare hands. He never had, and he didn’t think he ever would.

He sighed then, knowing that Lily and James, accompanied by Sirius and Peter, would soon be arriving to celebrate with him this year. They had agreed on Remus’ shelter for this Christmas in hopes of bringing cheer and festivities to the otherwise grey and moody flat.

It certainly did not have any Christmas decorations. He was far too poor and sickly to even try to get any. But his friends had not let him persuade them to change their minds.

Lily and James arrived first. It would be their first Christmas as a married couple, and they came bearing all sorts of ornaments and wreaths.

“Hello, Remus!� Lily called out to him, giving him a warm hug.

“What’s all this?� he asked, pointing to the decorations.

She gave her silvery, tinkling laugh that he loved so much.

“Silly, it’s to put up around the house! You said you didn’t have any, so James and I decided to bring some.�

James bowed to his friend in a teasing manner. “I live only to serve.�

Remus couldn’t hold back a grin. “All right, you can set them up. Provided you help me take them down later.�

Lily pulled out some festive candles. “Is it all right if I place some in your room? That way you have some Christmas spirit when you go to sleep?�

Remus bit his lip. “Okay, but not too much. My room is just down that way, to the right.�

She gave him a kind smile, and carried some decorations down to his room, leaving James and Remus to catch up on each other’s lives.

James had just finished telling Remus about his new house when Lily appeared, worry etched into her face.

“Remus, why do you…� She left her question hanging, and tears filled those beautiful emerald eyes.

The men gave her confused looks.

“Lily, what’s wrong?� James asked, pulling her into a comforting hug.

“Nothing,� she said thickly and gathered some more ornaments. “Remus, want to help me set these up in your room?�

Her gaze told him she wanted to talk to him, and he only nodded, utterly baffled.

When they entered his room, his eyes fell onto the silver wolf and a beautiful red candle resting in front of it.

Lily matched his gaze. “Why do you still have it, Remus? Why keep it? I was foolish to give you something so, so- tactless.�

She was silently crying, and Remus patted her shoulder awkwardly.

“It wasn’t tactless. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me,� he answered.

“But - the silver! The wolf! How you must hate it!�

“Lily, I never hated it. You gave it to me out of care and love. I could not despise such a tender act like that.�

Her watery smile was full of gratitude and sorrow. “It isn’t fair to you. If I had known, I would have instead opted for something else, like a gold lion.�

“But it’s a silver wolf, Lily. And you didn’t know! In a way, it is fitting. The terror and danger of it protects me. It is me! I could never ask for a better gift. It lets me remember beauty and security, and it reminds me that I have friends who care.�

Her eyes were remorseful, but she gave him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.

“At least let some candlelight illuminate this. It will be that much more beautiful,� she said, bending to light the candle in front of it.

“Everything in life is grey,� Remus commented as she did so.

Playfully, Lily replied, “And life is always beautiful when lit up.� She stared at the flame that now danced, casting its rays onto the shining wolf.

“Does the silver affect you?� she asked after a minute.

Remus shrugged. “I’ve yet to let myself find out. I don’t think I could live with those nightmares again.�

“Oh Remus!� Lily said, and she enveloped him in a tender hug.

*~*

No longer did it shine. No longer could he lie to himself. It came back to him, the darkening cloud, moodier than ever.

He could not hold back the anguish, tears of the moon pouring down his hollow cheeks. Gone. Everything was gone. Peter, Sirius, James... Lily. Only he remained, left to torment himself because he was an evil monster, had never been pure, never innocent, not like Lily. He would never be like Lily. The idea attacked his soul, and he did nothing to ward off the agony it inflicted on him.

The silver wolf only appeared grey. Mournful and cold, no shimmering sheen. Just heartless. What was there to live for now?

He pulled at his grey hair - grey! He felt so tired, so old. He found himself wasting away in his flat, and he was sure that soon he would have to move out. There weren't any more prospects for his life.

The grey wolf taunted him with its pose, and in a pique of anger, he struck out at it. The wolf landed in the ashes of his fireplace, still howling at the moon. Remus didn't bother to pick it up. He just stared at it, at the flurry of ashes that settled on top of the grey statue, and all he could see was an eternal wasteland. He could only see the harbinger of death.

He could only see the bleak misery of hell.