on this side of heaven

on this side of heaven
i find myself here lying on the floor
aware of little but the sounds of someone screaming
the sounds of someone moaning
the sounds of someone leaving
but nothing registers anymore

instead i see above me swirling lights
feel from somewhere a gentle breeze
from somewhere warmth
from somewhere blissful ease
and suddenly i am filled with such delights

there are faces here before me
beckoning me forward with smiles
with conscientious tears
with their wits and their wiles
with such desire to hold me for eternity

i cry out apologies for past sins
for all my difficulties
for the burden that i was
for my parents’ deaths so untimely
but they just reply that a new life begins

i find myself here sitting on a bench
content to wait for all the others
to wait to greet the newcomers
to wait to greet my own brothers
for only then will the last of my guilt be quenched
on this side of heaven