The Unwelcome Friend by FloreatCastellum
Summary: Sirius Black knows he is innocent. Alone in Azkaban, he thinks back on the five days that have led to his descent to the darkness…
Categories: Dark/Angsty Fics Characters: None
Warnings: Character Death, Mild Profanity, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Violence
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 8238 Read: 3176 Published: 11/11/15 Updated: 12/08/15

1. Prologue: Day Five by FloreatCastellum

2. Day One by FloreatCastellum

3. Day Two by FloreatCastellum

Prologue: Day Five by FloreatCastellum
His stomach hurt from laughing, but between the drips and echoing silence short giggles would burst from his lips, making his shoulders tremble against the rough stone. The room was bare. The wooden bench on which he sat. A toilet. A sink. Dull iron bars that looked out into darkness, the light from his one torch only skimming at the edges of the corridor.

‘It’s one of those places you’ll be able to spruce up,’ said Prongs. ‘Really make it your own, you know?’

Sirius burst out laughing again.

A cockroach made his way slowly against the edge of his wall, the flickering light from the torch catching on its shiny body. Sirius decided that he looked like a Gary, and watched him fondly.

He felt a dark presence drift slowly past, on the other side of the bars, and suddenly he found himself sobbing again, feeling as though the presence had settled in his chest. He stood, trying to shake the feeling out of himself, battering the side of his own head, anything to get it out. He felt a rage and a fury fill him like lead, so he stamped on Gary. The insect crunched underfoot.

‘You’ll never make friends acting like that,’ said James, and Sirius laughed again. What did that knobhead know about making friends? He was only cool by association.

‘Rude,’ said Prongs, but he was grinning.

Sirius sat back down on the bench. He couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing in anticipation, but he knew that nothing was going to happen.

He gave another small chuckle.

It was not cold. It was not hot. The bench was not comfortable, but it caused him no discomfort. There was nothing. Nothing but the dark presence that drifted back and forth every few minutes, with rattling breath and a burst of iciness. He wished Gary would come back.

He heard solid footsteps and the jangle of keys, and he sat up straight, turning his head to the pitch black.

‘Walkies,’ sang Prongs, and Sirius clapped a hand over his own mouth in a weak attempt to stop the laughter.

'Just ‘ere,’ came a gruff voice, and a portly guard stepped into the light, looking just over his shoulder and gesturing for someone to follow. He backed away, and in his place stepped Moony.

‘You look rough,’ said Sirius. ‘It’s not full moon for another week yet.’

Moony simply stared at him, as though not really seeing. He looked like a man on the brink of collapse, as pale and cold as the moonlight they had run wild under for so many years.

‘Tell him about the effing rat,’ said Prongs indignantly, and Sirius laughed. Moony stared.

‘R-rat!’ Sirius gasped out, shaking hysterically. ‘He was a bloody rat!’

‘I mean, we should have guessed, really, shouldn’t we?’ said Prongs.

Sirius howled with laughter. Moony stared. Didn’t he get it? Didn’t he understand about The Rat? He was probably too tired. ‘You’re a wolf, I’m a dog, Prongs is a deer, and he’s a bloody rat!’

‘Excuse you, I’m a stag,’ said James. ‘My antlers are massive.’

‘Stop,’ said Sirius, barely able to breathe from laughing and wiping at his watering eyes.

Moony still didn’t get it. He still stared at him, and his expression reminded Sirius of Gary. He opened his mouth, his lips were trembling, but he continued to gaze silently at Sirius, who was still unable to control his laughter.

‘It was my fault,’ Sirius told him, shaking his head and chuckling. ‘I…’ He tried to tell him, but he couldn’t stop laughing, couldn’t stop thinking about the glaring signs they had all ignored…

‘I… I’m sorry,’ said Moony hoarsely. But he wasn’t talking to Sirius. He had turned, and he spoke into the darkness where the guard remained.

‘I thought I might be able to get something out of him, but I… I can’t…’

‘It’s all right, lad,’ came the gruff voice. ‘It were brave of yeh to try…’

Sirius realized what was happening, and ran to the bars, reaching through them desperately and pressing his face into the cold metal. ‘No, no, no,’ he shouted at Moony’s back. ‘No, no, Moony, no, don’t leave us here on our own!’

But Remus Lupin faded slowly into the darkness, and Sirius screamed and howled and kicked painfully at the bars, swearing as loudly as he could, until the dark presence of his Dementor guard came too close.

The strength of his grief knocked him backwards, and he fell onto the grimy rock floor, laughing and sobbing and spitting out curse words. Gary’s sticky corpse lay close to his head.

The Dementor had stopped drifting back and forth and now waited, perfectly stationary, outside the bars. James had gone now, and Sirius felt his anger and rage return, but now there was no one here to take it out on, so he lay still and accepted the feeling. He wasn’t really aware of time passing. It could have been seconds or minutes, or hours or years. He simply stared at the ceiling. There were no cobwebs. Only cockroaches could live here.

He thought again about The Rat, thought of his sniveling little face and his stupid little notebook. It was strange to experience anger without energy; to simply lie there lifelessly on the floor.

‘I was lying lifelessly on the floor,’ said Prongs, who had apparently returned as the Dementor drifted away again. Sirius chuckled, but it wasn’t really funny. You could always count on Prongs to try and joke his way through difficult situations. He appreciated the effort.

‘We like to drink with James,’ he sang softly. ‘Because James is our mate… And when we drink with James, he gets it down in eight, seven, six, five…’

He could see him in The Leaky Cauldron, trying to glug his way through a pint of Simison Steaming Stout, wincing and spluttering, The Rat roaring with laughter next to him.

‘He won’t do it, he can’t do it,’ taunted Moony. But Prongs slammed the empty glass down before they could finish singing ‘two’, proudly accepting the cheers.

‘You bastard, Wormtail,’ he said. ‘You know I’m more of a Firewhiskey guy…’

‘Bollocks,’ said Sirius. ‘I’ve never seen you drink anything more manly than a dirigible plum cocktail…’

He burst out laughing yet again, but he was still lying on the floor, and the warm Leaky Cauldron fires were far away from Dementors and cockroaches and iron bars.

‘Do you like Firewhiskey, Gary?’ Sirius asked, but Gary didn’t respond. Gary was dead. His laughter came in snorts and then coughs. He was definitely crying now. From laughing too hard, certainly.

‘Stop pissing about,’ said Prongs. ‘You’ll need to get your story straight for the trial. You’re Harry’s godfather. I’ll not have him living with Lily’s sister.’

Sirius sat bolt upright, as if James had shook him. He was right. Another giggle escaped from his lips, but he ignored it, stood, and started pacing. He didn’t know when he would have a trial, but Moony hadn’t understood, and he needed them to understand that The Rat was still out there…

‘Guard!’ he shrieked. ‘Guard!’ Nothing moved in the darkness. He growled in frustration. He knew that fat little man was out there.

‘GUARD!’

The Dementor slowly passed again, and he shuddered, wishing the explosion had killed him too…

‘GUARD! I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!’

He grinned as the guard appeared, sighing huffily. ‘Are you now?’ he said, bored. ‘Are you telling the truth? Because if you are making a genuine threat of suicide I have to fill out a form and…’

‘Nah, don’t worry,’ said Sirius. ‘But give me some parchment and a quill.’

‘No,’ said the guard flatly, and began to turn away.

‘It’s for my suicide note!’ said Sirius hurriedly.

He saw the guard throw his head back in exasperation and slowly turn on his heel. ‘You just said,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘That you weren’t going to…’

‘I’ll make a genuine threat of suicide if you don’t give me something to write with,’ said Sirius. ‘A really long and complicated one, it will take you ages to record.’

The guard considered him for a moment, his stubbly face clearly miserable even in the low light. ‘Fine,’ he said sourly. ‘But I’m not giving you anything you can stab me in the eye with. And don’t kill yourself.’

He took out a short wand and conjured a roll of parchment and a stick of charcoal.

‘Thanks,’ said Sirius, snatching it greedily.

‘You really are a nasty, manipulative bastard aren’t yeh?’ said the guard, but Sirius wasn’t listening. He was returning to his wooden bench, looking down at his precious writing materials.

‘None of that will be any good,’ said James. ‘No one can read your terrible handwriting.’

‘I’ll write it all down,’ he muttered. ‘All of it. So they’ll get that Rat. They’ll get him. They’ll get him.’

‘What are you blathering on about?’ asked the guard, disgusted.

‘I’m getting proof that I’m innocent,’ Sirius told him, barely noticing that his voice sounded like he was joking.

The guard looked revolted. ‘You’re sick. Everyone thinks so. Bloody sick…’

He walked away, and the Dementor returned, but the iciness and despair could not touch him. He had purpose. He thought fiercely of that chubby little toddler, bouncing on James’ knee, and of Lily blowing gently on a mug of coffee, and of Prongs grinning mischievously and vanishing under his cloak.

His hands were trembling, and the charcoal was too thick to write elegantly with, but hope was rushing through him as onto the parchment he carefully scratched, Day One.
Day One by FloreatCastellum
The evening was beautiful. A vivid pink sky, red clouds encircled with gold, and every tree with a spectacular burst of autumnal colours. Sirius and Wormtail walked along the cobbled road with less concern than they probably should have been showing, but it was hard to feel threatened or afraid in such a gorgeous place.

‘I didn’t think he’d manage it, his performance has been terrible this season, but once he made that sixth save I knew we were back in with a chance,’ Wormtail was saying. ‘It’s amazing how they fly, isn’t it? I wish I’d been any good.’

‘James tried to show you, but you couldn’t hack it,’ said Sirius. ‘I remember, every time you got higher than ten foot you were too worried about falling off to do anything else, you were practically paralyzed.’

‘I know,’ sighed Wormtail. ‘But at least I can enjoy watching it. My Uncle Hamish managed to get me some tickets to the match on Wednesday, you know, the Tornados against the Harpies. One of them is in my name so I have to go, but the others are all guest tickets, I thought I could maybe give them to Prongs, might cheer him up, you know-’

‘He’ll say no,’ said Sirius flatly. ‘He says no to everything now. Can’t hurt to ask though, it might cheer him up. And I guess you never know, he might have his cloak back.’

Bathilda Bagshot was clipping her hedges as they walked past. She gave them a cheery wave and Sirius waved back, though Peter simply gave an uncomfortable forced smile.

‘How come Prongs wanted me to come round anyway?’ he asked, sounding a little nervous. Sirius pushed open the gate and stood to the side, letting Wormtail go through first.

‘I’ll tell you when we get inside,’ he said quietly, still aware of Bathilda close by in her garden.

They did not have to knock the door. Prongs must have been in the living room, looking out the window, because he had opened the front door to let them in before they’d even made it up the garden path. He smiled at them, but he’d drawn his wand and was drumming his fingers against it anxiously. Wormtail stared at it.

‘Evening,’ he said to them quietly. ‘Evening, Batty!’ he called. She looked up from her hedge and waved her pliers at him.

‘Has she thought about using magic for that?’ asked Sirius as he stepped inside.

‘Says it helps her think,’ replied Prongs. ‘How are you both?’

‘Good,’ replied Wormtail, following James as he led them to the living room. The room had always felt homely and cosy to Sirius. A comfortable squishy sofa faced the fireplace on a thick rug, ancient wooden beams supported the low ceiling, and James’ cat purred contentedly from his perch on a wing backed armchair. Lily sat on the floor by the fire, holding Harry’s hands as he stood, wobbling in front of her.

‘Has the walking improved?’ asked Sirius cheerfully.

‘Definitely,’ said Lily, grinning proudly. ‘Want to see your godfather, Harry?’

At her words, the toddler looked over at them, his chubby face lighting up into a smile. Sirius crouched down, opening his arms into a wide, welcoming gesture, calling out Harry’s name in an excited, exaggerated drawl. Harry toddled towards him as fast as his clumsy legs would allow, reaching out his arms and babbling nonsense.

Wormtail winced a little at Harry’s high-pitched shrieks, but smiled as Sirius lifted the child up, throwing him into the air and catching him to delighted laughter.

‘Jesus, Sirius, watch his head!’ said Lily sharply. ‘I’ll never forgive you if you drop him.’

‘He’s all right,’ said Sirius, doing it again. Harry screamed with excitement. ‘You’re having fun, aren’t you? Aren’t you? Yes!’

Prongs was laughing too, though his voice was a patient reprimand. ‘You’re getting him excited, he’s meant to be going to bed.’

‘Can’t we get his little broom out? Haven’t seen him on that yet.’

‘Absolutely not!’ said Lily. ‘He’ll be up all night. Pass him here, I’ll get him to sleep while James explains things.’

‘Ah, right yeah,’ said Sirius, handing Harry over. He glanced at Wormtail, who was looking confused, but had settled himself into an armchair, ousting the now grumpy grey cat.

Lily left the room, and Sirius sat sprawled on the sofa, an arm slung over the back and his legs stretching out towards the fire. James pulled up another chair, so they were all sitting in a close circle. Now that he was illuminated by the light of the fire, James looked even paler and more exhausted than normal. Dark circles were under his eyes, and he seemed unable to stop touching his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and rubbing his jaw, forehead and back of his neck.

‘Is everything all right?’ asked Wormtail. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Padfoot has had an idea,’ said Prongs. They could hear Lily’s footsteps creaking above them.

‘Well that’s never good,’ said Wormtail, smiling slightly.

‘You know it’s been a while since we could leave the house?’ said James. ‘How every time we made plans, somehow the wrong people were finding out?’

‘Yeah,’ said Wormtail sadly. ‘D’you still think it might be…?’

‘Probably not,’ said Prongs firmly, but Sirius couldn’t help but interrupt.

‘Come on, Prongs. There was information that only the four of us knew…’

‘Yeah, well, we still don’t know do we?’ snapped Prongs. ‘Either way, we need to be a bit cleverer about everything, because clearly we’re failing somewhere. So… Peter, I’m going to ask a really huge favour, and it’s perfectly fine to say no.’

‘What?’ asked Wormtail, turning his head wildly between the two of them. ‘What’s going on?

Lily had returned, and she sat nervously on the arm of the sofa. James looked over at her, and she gave a small smile.

‘You could… You could be our Secret Keeper. If… If you’re happy to.’

‘Me?’ said Wormtail, stunned. He looked at Sirius. ‘But… You’re the…’

‘I’m too obvious,’ said Sirius. ‘And obviously I’d never knowingly say anything,’ he continued fiercely. ‘But I’m still a target and they have ways of getting information out of you. It’s better that I’m unable to say anything, and they keep chasing me, rather than going for the person who actually holds the secret.’

‘So, you’d be… Like a decoy?’

‘Exactly.’

Wormtail looked at James. ‘And you want it to be me? You want me to be the secret keeper?’

Prongs nodded solemnly. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask, and I don’t want you to feel that you have-’

‘Of course I will!’ blurted Wormtail. Sirius looked at Prongs in surprise. He was expecting that Wormtail would need a little more convincing. He supposed that he was just very honoured to be trusted so much.

‘Thank you,’ said Prongs gratefully. ‘Wormtail, honestly, it means so much to us.’

‘We can’t tell you how much we’d be in your debt,’ added Lily.

Wormtail nodded, looking at them a little gormlessly. ‘I… Yeah, yeah, I mean… You’re my friends… Of course I will.’

‘Ready to do it now?’ asked Sirius.

‘Now?’ he looked slightly alarmed.

‘If you’re comfortable with that,’ said Prongs swiftly.

‘I… Yeah. What do I have to do?’

A faint crying came from upstairs. Lily looked up at the ceiling unhappily.
‘He’ll be all right for now, I’ll see to him in a bit. Let’s just get this over and done with first.’

James looked at Sirius. ‘You sure you know the spell?’

‘Positive. I’ve done my research. It’s complicated, but I can do it.’

Prongs turned to Wormtail. ‘Hold my hand.’

They grasped hands tightly, James chewing on his bottom lip slightly. Sirius held the tip of his wand to their fingers. ‘Wormtail, repeat after me… I, Peter Pettigrew…’

‘I, Peter Pettigrew.’

‘Vow to conceal the secret of the location of the Potter family.’ Harry’s cries were getting louder, James was glancing anxiously to the ceiling.

‘Vow to… conceal the secret of the location of the Potter family.’

Sirius gave him a reassuring nod, then muttered, ‘Obcultus secretum… Fidelius absconditus…’ A black wisp, like steam, encircled their hands. Sirius, pulled it with his wand, willing it with all the concentration he could muster to follow his guidance. He guided the secret to Wormtail’s chest, where it sunk in to the place where his heart was.

‘Done?’ asked James brusquely.

‘Done,’ replied Sirius.

James gave a sharp nod then stood quickly, the legs of his chair scraping loudly against the floor. ‘I’ll get him,’ he said to Lily, who had begun to rise. He left the room. They heard his heavy footsteps hurrying up the stairs.

‘Thank you, Wormy,’ said Lily, a little apologetically. ‘Don’t mind James…’

‘It’s all right, I quite understand,’ said Wormtail. ‘You must both be exhausted. Lazy day tomorrow?’

‘Yes, I suppose so. I might Floo Alice Longbottom around lunchtime, I think they’re getting very bored stuck in the house all the time too.’

‘Does this mean you can come to the meeting tomorrow night? At Dedalus Diggle’s house?’ asked Sirius hopefully.

‘Hmm?’ asked Lily, after yawning sleepily. ‘Oh, no, probably not. Sorry. That reminds me, though, let Dumbledore know you’re the Secret Keeper, won’t you?’

‘Of course,’ replied Wormtail. ‘I’ll Floo him as soon as I get home.’

‘Cheers,’ she said, smiling. ‘Don’t tell anyone else though, obviously.’

‘Obviously,’ repeated Wormtail.

Prongs had returned, also yawning widely. ‘I’ve got some beers in the pantry if you guys want any?’

‘Sorry, I’d best be off,’ said Sirius apologetically. ‘You both look like you could do with some sleep anyway.’

‘That’s probably true,’ admitted Prongs. ‘As soon as I get my cloak back, we’ll go for a fly though, yeah?’

‘Definitely.’

Lily looked a little reproachful, but said nothing.

‘He’s still got it, then?’ said Wormtail sympathetically. James nodded glumly. ‘Never mind, you’ll have it back soon. I suppose we’d best be off, leave you guys to get some sleep?’

Prongs smiled. ‘Well not now that Padfoot’s got Harry all worked up. He’ll be up and down all night.’

‘Sorry,’ said Sirius, though he was grinning broadly. James began showing them to the door. ‘He’s getting so big now, isn’t he? Looks just like you, he’s definitely not the milkman’s baby…’

‘Excuse me, that joke wasn’t funny the first fifty times you said it!’ called Lily, teasingly. Sirius winked at her.

‘Don’t worry, Lils, we know you’re an honourable woman.’

She rolled her eyes and hugged him tightly. ‘See you soon, stay safe.’ She turned to Wormtail and hugged him too. ‘Are you sure, Peter? Absolutely sure? We won’t be in the slightest bit offended if you can’t go through with it. If you change your mind, come over, any time, we’ll make sure the Secret goes back to Sirius.’

Wormtail pulled away from her. Now that she had said it, Sirius noticed that he did look a little ill. ‘Of course I’m sure, Lily,’ he said. He looked at the floor, embarrassed. ‘I’ll make sure that everything’s all right.’

‘Knew we could count on you, mate,’ said Sirius, clapping him on the back. Wormtail stumbled forward slightly.

‘Thank you,’ said James quietly. ‘Both of you.’

They could draw out the goodbye no longer, and with one final wave, Sirius and Wormtail walked down the garden path and out of the gate.

‘They look exhausted,’ said Wormtail.

‘Yeah, it’s getting to them a bit, I think,’ said Sirius.

‘How much longer can they keep this up?’ asked Wormtail helplessly. ‘This isn’t living.’

Sirius shrugged. ‘As long as necessary, I suppose. What’re you doing tomorrow?’

‘Oh, er… Moony’s coming over for some dinner, and then we’re going to the meeting together. See you there?’

‘Yeah, see you then. Night, Wormtail.’ Sirius thought Wormtail looked rather odd. Pale, and even more nervous than usual, as though he were on the verge of saying something…

‘Night.’

They parted ways, and Godric’s Hollow fell silent.
Day Two by FloreatCastellum
Dedalus Diggle’s house was one of the many homes which, on occasion, played host to the Order of the Phoenix. Well hidden among the gently rolling hills of the Kent countryside, and built with apparently no planning or consideration for architecture, it was a sprawling mess of twisted corridors connecting odd little outhouses, spindling towers and dome-like constructions that held no similarity or theme. Minerva McGonagall had been heard to remark on several occasions that Dedalus, whom she considered eccentric and thoughtless, had likely continued to build his house over the years whenever a fleeting desire arose. Sirius often thought that it looked like a child’s drawing of a dream mansion — the walls bowing outwards like bubbles and the windows a variety of portholes, French lattice and geometric shapes.

The house was bustling when Sirius arrived, but Moony and Wormtail were sitting casually on the twisted stairs opposite the front door, so he did not venture further into the labyrinth.

‘You’re early,’ said Moony. ‘The meeting doesn’t start for another half an hour yet.’

‘We’re used to you being fashionably late,’ said Wormtail.

Sirius gave a lopsided grin and shrugged. ‘I don’t want to get too predictable, do I? Busy night tonight,’ he added, as Emmeline Vance swept past.

‘Yeah, well, didn’t you hear what happened to Dorcas? People keep dropping in to see Dumbledore about it.’ Moony jerked his head towards a door which Sirius knew led to a long corridor. ‘He’s holed up at the back of the house trying to find out who did it and how they found her. Apparently he’s going to be staying here all night rather than going back to Hogwarts.’

Sirius nodded grimly. ‘It’s messed up. Hestia mentioned it might have been You-Know-Who himself.’

‘Where did she hear that?’ asked Wormtail quickly.

But Sirius did not have time to answer, as the door opened once again with a clatter, and a furious looking young man stormed in, heading straight for them.

‘James?’ said Moony, his eyes widening in shock. ‘I thought you weren’t allowed—’

‘What are you doing here?’ asked Wormtail, his voice rising in panic.

‘You made it!’ yelped Sirius, moving towards him. But James didn’t stop.
Pushing roughly past Sirius, and clambering over Moony and Wormtail (who were still sitting on the stairs), he marched up the stairs to the landing, wrenched a door open, and went through, shouting for Dumbledore. Lily entered the room just a few seconds later, looking distressed and clutching a befuddled-looking baby on her hip.

‘James!’ she shouted. ‘James! Oh, bloody hell, here, take him for me, for just a sec—’

She thrust the baby unexpectedly into Sirius’s arms and hurried after her husband, whose indecipherable shouts could still be distantly heard. Feeling slightly stung, Sirius fumbled with the now whimpering baby and began to half-heartedly bounce him slightly.

‘What’s that all about?’ he asked.

Moony shrugged, bewilderment and shock evident in his somewhat slack mouth. Wormtail looked positively distraught.

‘What’s he doing here? He’s not supposed to leave the house! He’s banned from Order meetings—’

‘Give the guy a break,’ snapped Sirius defensively. ‘He clearly needs to talk to Dumbledore about something.’ The baby began to wail, squirming and kicking in Sirius’ arms. ‘Hey…’ he muttered weakly, in his best attempt at a soothing voice. He bounced him slightly, but tears continued to roll down Harry’s wobbling cheeks. ‘Hey…’

Harry did not approve, and continued to wail with increasing volume. Sirius looked helplessly at his friends, and in desperation, Moony dug out some keys from his pocket and dangled them in front of Harry’s face. The baby’s cries turned to grizzles and gulps, his tiny hand reaching out in a clumsy effort to grab the keys.

‘You should be godfather,’ grumbled Sirius. ‘You always know how to get him to cheer up.’

Moony threw him a grin, jerking the keys just out of Harry’s face. ‘You’re better at cheering Prongs up though. Give him here, I’ll look after Harry. You go sort James out.’

Sirius followed the sound of the shouting, up the stairs and down a twisting corridor lined with bizarre artwork and garish vases. Ahead, the door to the final room had been left open, and he could see James, his back to the doorway, leaning forward onto a desk, still shouting. ‘…Just taking the piss now!’

He could hear Dumbledore’s voice humming patiently, but was still too far away to decipher the words. Prongs gave an exasperated bark of laughter and pushed back off the desk, launching into a stumbling pacing, swinging his arms up and running his hands through his hair frantically.

‘Try to calm down,’ Lily was pleading. ‘Let’s go home—’

‘We’ve practiced, Dumbledore, we’ve practiced—if… If anyone breaks in, I’ll hold them off, Lily runs for the cloak and Harry. We need it back, you’ve had it months, there’s no excuse anymore!’

They had not noticed Sirius approach. He now stood in the doorway, observing Dumbledore’s grave, lined face, watching James over steepled fingers. ‘My research is not yet complete—’

‘Bollocks to your research! It belongs to me!’

Sirius awkwardly knocked on the door frame. Lily jumped slightly, and James spun to face him. He looked tired. Distraught.

‘Er… Sorry,’ said Sirius. ‘Just checking everything’s all…’

‘We need to go home,’ repeated Lily firmly. ‘Come on, James.’

James’ shoulders sank. ‘Please just give it back,’ he said to Dumbledore helplessly. ‘I don’t feel safe without it.’

‘I will give it back in time, James,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Though I am wary that this is not the first time you’ve left the house. I have warned you about your excursions, and I am concerned that returning the cloak would only encourage you.’

Prongs clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, struggling to show restraint. ‘I don’t like being locked up,’ he said slowly. ‘But I will stay in the house to protect my family. I just want my cloak back.’

Dumbledore held up his hands, as though surrendering. ‘I don’t have it with me at the moment. But I will return it to you as soon as possible.’
Prongs looked highly unsatisfied, but Lily was becoming increasingly agitated, so Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. ‘Come on, mate, you need to get back home. I’ll drop by tomorrow, if you want?’

‘That would be lovely,’ said Lily warmly. She turned to Dumbledore. ‘Sorry, Professor. We’ll get home. Hope the meeting goes well. Give everyone our love.’

Prongs nodded dully and followed them out of the door, closing it rather forcefully behind him. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered, dragging his feet miserably.

‘Are you sure you guys can’t stay for the meeting?’ asked Sirius. ‘Now that you’re here?’

‘No, sorry,’ said Lily. ‘We’ve got to… Where’s Harry?’ She had noticed that Sirius was no longer holding Harry, and her voice rose in panic.
‘I left him with Moon—’

James pushed past him once again, running down the corridor. ‘Harry? HARRY!’

Instinctively, Sirius followed him just as quickly, his bag banging painfully against him as he ran, but when they reached the staircase, he saw James slow to a jog and sigh with relief. ‘Oh, you’ve got him. What’re you doing?’

There, halfway over the threshold of the front door, stood Wormtail, crouching slightly as he held Harry’s hand. Harry was stood, wobbling happily, at knee height and tugging impatiently to go outside. ‘We were going to go and have a look in the garden,’ said Wormtail.

‘What?’ said Prongs, sounding confused and out of breath. ‘Oh, Wormtail, you muppet, we can’t do that. Give him here.’

‘Sorry,’ said Wormtail nervously as Prongs scooped Harry up. ‘Sorry… I didn’t think.’ James kissed Harry on the top of the head.

‘It’s all right, don’t worry,’ said Lily kindly. ‘The other day I nearly took him to the shops. It’s so easy to just act automatically and not think about these things. I’m just glad you’re with him, we thought something awful had happened… Where’s Moony?’

‘Er… I think he went to the bathroom,’ said Wormtail, who seemed flustered and embarrassed at his mistake.

Prongs seemed to have relaxed now that he was reunited with his son, and was now pulling faces to make Harry laugh. Wormtail smiled at them awkwardly, a blush still prominent in his face.

‘Sorry, Wormtail, I’m a bit on edge.’ He glanced over his shoulder.
‘Thanks for… Thanks for dropping by yesterday and agreeing to… You know. Thanks.’

‘I told you, it’s no problem,’ said Wormtail. ‘How’s the little guy doing anyway? Learnt any new words, Harry?’

‘Thanks for stepping into the office,’ Lily whispered to Sirius, as James and Peter fussed over Harry. ‘I think having someone else there made him take a step back.’

‘Is he all right?’

‘Oh, we’re all just tired and stressed, you know. He lost his temper because the cat got out and I said he couldn’t go looking for him. We’ll be fine. Will you really drop by tomorrow?’ She looked so earnest and hopeful, her large doe-eyes looking up at him, that he couldn’t help but grin.

‘Of course I will. What kind of question is that?’

‘Good. It will be nice to have some company. Even Batty can’t come round anymore.’ There was a strong bitterness in her voice, and she looked enviously towards the staircase, where upstairs someone was laughing loudly. People were starting to walk through, heading upstairs for the meeting, odd hellos and smiles thrown as they went.

‘Why not? There hasn’t been more information passed, has there?’

‘Well, Dumbledore reckons—’ She stopped abruptly, before quickly turning her serious expression into a practiced smile. ‘Moony! Glad we could catch you before we go.’

‘Are you heading off?’ he asked, surprised. ‘Bit of a flying visit.’

‘We only needed a quick chat with Dumbledore,’ said Lily. ‘We’d best go, James.’

He nodded curtly, and handed her Harry. ‘He hates Apparating with me.
See you later, guys.’

Lily gave a dramatic groan as she took her son. ‘Ooh, you’re getting heavy. Come on, dinner, bath and bed for you when we get home… You poor thing, you’ve been passed around like a parcel, haven’t you? Say bye-bye to everyone.’

‘You’re not going already?’ blurted out Wormtail. ‘Can’t you… Can’t you stay for the meeting?’

‘You know we can’t,’ replied Prongs, amused. ‘We shouldn’t be here in the first place.’

Lily walked past him and stepped into the night air, clearly keen to get going. Prongs began to follow, but Wormtail grabbed him by the arm.

‘Why don’t we go have one of our excursions? The four of us? Lily and Harry can be safe at home, we can head down the pub-’

Prongs gave a bitter laugh. ‘Sorry, mate...’

‘It might be fun,’ said Moony hopefully. ‘We could go to a Muggle one. Doubt there’d be any trouble.’

Prongs looked tempted, but gently tugged out of Wormtail’s grip. An odd look of desperation crossed Wormtail’s face, and Sirius realized that, like him, Wormtail had been sorely missing the company of their old friend. ‘You bought me a drink last time,’ he said urgently. ‘I need to—’

But James chuckled and shook his head, following his wife out of the house. ‘We’ll just say you owe me, Wormtail!’ he called over his shoulder. He linked arms with his wife, and the family vanished in the cold air.

Wormtail sighed heavily. ‘Shame,’ said Moony. ‘I’d have liked us to all have a last night at the pub.’

‘What do you mean, –last”?’ asked Sirius sharply.

‘Nothing,’ said Moony, looking startled. ‘Sorry, I only meant… You know, because they’re basically under house arrest…’

‘Yeah, they are,’ said Sirius pointedly. ‘Shut the door, Wormtail, I’m freezing my bollocks off.’

Wormtail was still looking out into the garden, and gave a small start before hurriedly closing the door. ‘Right, yeah,’ he said croakily. ‘The meeting will have started… Er, where is it, again?’

‘Upstairs in that big hall room,’ said Moony, looking grumpy. ‘Come on…’

They received some gentle jeering and exaggerated tuts as they shuffled into the meeting late, edging their way awkwardly around the crowded room to find a seat.

‘Like to keep us waiting, do you, boys?’ asked Moody.

‘Just you, Mad-Eye,’ replied Sirius cheerfully. He found a seat and kicked his bag roughly under the table.

Emmeline Vance gave Sirius a subtle wink as he sat next to her; he smiled softly back at her, though he was still thinking about how exhausted and unhappy James had looked. He’d bring him something tomorrow to cheer him up. Some chocolate frogs, or a copy of Quidditch Questions, or some firewhiskey…

‘We’re expecting a big night tonight,’ Moody was saying. ‘Death Eaters always like to go Muggle-baiting on Halloween, they fit in better with all the stupid costumes, Muggles go right up to them like dodos…’

‘Now, Alastor, they don’t know any better,’ squeaked Dedalus. ‘No need to call them dodos…’

‘The point still remains!’ said Moody. He looked at Dumbledore. ‘I’m still going to be in Hackney, then?’

‘Yes, please,’ said Dumbledore, looking over his spectacles at a long scroll of parchment. ‘I’ve been informed that there have been some unfriendly faces in that area lately. Minerva, do you have any news from…’

Sirius zoned out slightly, trying not to drum his fingers on the table. Aimlessly looking for a distraction, he heard Moony and Wormtail whispering, and leaned in to join in.

‘But where were you earlier? I was knocking for ages, we were meant to come to the meeting together.’

‘I told you, I was in the bath, I didn’t hear…’

‘No, I know you’re avoiding me, Peter, all of you are…’

‘What’s going on?’ asked Sirius. ‘Moony, we’re not avoiding you…’ It was a lie; they all knew it.

Elphias Doge coughed irritably, glaring at them with distaste, and they hastily returned their attention to Dumbledore. Wormtail’s leg was bouncing nervously, something Sirius found quite irritating.

‘What’s got into you today?’ he hissed. ‘Are you regretting agreeing to… you know? It hasn’t been a day, if you’ve changed your mind—’

‘I haven’t changed my mind,’ said Wormtail hurriedly, glancing at his watch. ‘It’s too late now, anyway.’

‘What? No it’s not, it wouldn’t be hard for us to just return the secret to me—’

‘Ssh!’ said Elphias crossly.

Sirius scowled at him, but fell silent once again. Under Elphias’ suspicious supervision, he didn’t dare speak to his friends again. At the end of the meeting, they all filtered out solemnly, those that had been delegated a task grimly setting their faces in wary determination.

‘Happy Halloween, lads,’ said Sturgis Podmore as they left.

‘Happy ‘alloween,’ yawned Sirius, running a hand through his hair.
‘We could all go for that drink anyway,’ said Moony hopefully as they crossed the front lawn. ‘I’m sure Prongs wouldn’t mind.’

‘Oh, I can’t, sorry,’ said Wormtail vaguely.

‘What are you talking about?’ asked Sirius. ‘You’re the one who suggested it.’

‘Yeah, I forgot I’m, erm… I’m meeting someone.’

‘Who?’ asked Sirius, astounded. ‘Not a girl, surely?’

Moony laughed. ‘It is! It has to be! Is that why you didn’t answer the door when I called earlier? Were you round hers?’ he gave a dramatic gasp. ‘Was she in the house?’

‘No! I mean, well — no!’ spluttered Wormtail.

‘Who is it?’ asked Sirius eagerly. ‘Never thought you’d be the next of us to get hitched up, Wormy.’

Wormtail flushed a deep pink that was visible even in the drawing darkness. ‘I have to go,’ he said firmly. ‘Bye.’

Without waiting for their response, he took a few steps forward, turned, and vanished. ‘Huh,’ said Sirius. ‘Think we went a bit too far?’

‘Nah,’ said Moony. ‘He’ll be fine, he can take it. I’m still up for a swift pint if you are?’

Why, so you can get more information about James and Lily?

‘Sorry, mate, I really am shattered. Soon though, yeah?’

Moony’s face fell and he gave a small nod. ‘Yeah… Yeah, see you.’

Sirius Disapparated home, heading straight for the old, squashy sofa. He yawned, loudly and widely, kicking off his shoes. He supposed he should get to bed. It wasn’t particularly late, but he hadn’t exactly been lying when he said he was exhausted… He’d read a chapter of that book Lily had lent him first though. Maybe he’d finish it by tomorrow…

‘Fuck,’ he muttered. He’d never picked his bag up from under the table in the meeting room. He lay still for a few minutes, feeling quite comfortable and sorry for himself. With a heavy groan, he dragged himself back off the sofa, stumbling around sleepily for his shoes. It was now quite dark outside, blustery too. In the windows of the homes belonging to his Muggle neighbours, carved pumpkins glowed menacingly. He half-heartedly wondered if he should just leave it til tomorrow, but his wallet was in there too, and he wanted to buy all that stuff for James tomorrow morning…

He couldn’t face Apparating again; he’d never enjoyed it. The stressful evening had him itching for adventure, so he grabbed his helmet and got his motorbike out of the shed — his pride and joy. The night air was particularly cool, and the strong winds gave him an exciting challenge when it came to steering. But there was no freedom like it. He arrived at Diggle’s house quickly, which in its childishness looked almost sinister in the dark. The windows were dark, and there was a stillness in the air which suggested that everyone had gone home, though the door was still on the latch. He pushed it open awkwardly. Was this trespassing?
‘Diggle?’ he shouted. ‘Ded? I forgot my bag… Hello?’

He shrugged to himself, closed the door, and bounded up the stairs noisily, hoping that by drawing attention to himself he’d avoid being mistaken for an intruder. It didn’t take him long to find his bag, but as he was crouched down by the table to pick it up, he heard a desperate, furious knocking.

As he approached the door, he could hear a hysterical, shrieking plea. ‘Dumbledore! Albus! Albus! Please say you’re still there! Oh, please! Albus!’

He opened it to see a distraught old woman, her whole body shaking in fear, still in a hairnet and slippers. ‘Bathilda?’

‘Oh, Sirius, is Dumbledore still here?’

‘I-I’m not sure, he might be. What’s happened?’

‘Screaming,’ she gasped. Her words came choking through sobs. ‘Screaming-&mdaash;the Potters… There was nothing I could do, but it might not be too late. Oh, where’s Albus?’

He was not aware of moving aside to let her past, and looking back he was never able to say exactly what he did in that moment. All he knew was that he found himself sitting on the floor, clutching the door frame, a ringing in his ears. Had he fallen asleep on the sofa after all?

He rose like a zombie, his head still filled with that awful ringing. He didn’t even think to Apparate; he and James always used the motorbike when they could help it. Silly, really, when he looked back, years later. If he had Apparated, maybe he would have got there in time. Maybe he would have been there as it happened, rather than over forty minutes later… It rumbled through the skies, tearing through the clouds like a cannonball, and with every town that passed underneath him, Sirius’s heart grew heavier with dread.

The house was smoldering. The corner where he knew Harry’s room to be had been blasted open — rubble scattered the front garden and pockets of fire crackled lazily, bizarre glimpses of colour and mundane household objects peeking through the dust. Sirius was faintly aware of his lips moving, but he felt as though he were having an out-of-body experience, and wasn’t sure if the world around him was silent, or whether he was simply not hearing.

As he had done so many times before, he pushed open the garden gate and walked to the front door. It was wide open, and there, slumped face-down on the floor, was James.

‘No… No…’ His voice sounded very far away. He knelt down beside James, trembling hands reaching forward, one resting on his back, the other in his thick, messy hair. He shook him slightly. ‘Get up…’

A thousand memories were flickering through his mind like a dying candle. Of long detentions and nights in the forest, of passing crude notes in History of Magic, of train journeys and motorbike riding and Quidditch debates, James face was constant, expressive, alive.

The impact of his fall had twisted his glasses. Sirius pulled them from under his face, gave them a brief tap with his wand and repaired them. Without thinking, he put them in his pocket. A faint noise from outside drew his attention, and he stumbled outside, a tightness in his chest.

As he paid more attention, his head was suddenly filled with terrible sounds — a deep, heavy sobbing, a high, screaming wail, bricks crashing. A huge, dark figure was rifling through the rubble, throwing bricks over his shoulder.

‘Hagrid?’ said Sirius. How had he missed him when he arrived?

Hagrid gave a loud sniff, then shouted hoarsely. ‘Come an’ help me. I need magic…’

With horror, Sirius realized the screaming was coming from underneath a large part of the collapsed house. Hagrid was trying to clear through it, but was cautious about causing further collapse. Sirius, still holding his wand, began to vanish, levitate and shrink the bricks and a broken beam and a tangle of heavy black robes, finally allowing Hagrid to pull away the back of an armchair to reveal Harry.

The baby sat, a thick trickle of blood covering half his face, soaking into his blue pyjamas. He had been tremendously lucky — during the explosion, the back of the armchair had apparently fallen against the remainder of his cot, providing a protective gap which had surely prevented him from being crushed in the rubble.

‘He’s alive,’ said Sirius, stunned. ‘He’s… Harry!’

Hagrid picked him up, great fat tears rolling down his cheeks. Harry looked even smaller in his giant hands. ‘Dumbledore said he migh’ be,’ Hagrid sniffed. ‘Dunno how…’ he looked at Sirius, who was staring around the collapsed house with anguish.

‘I need to… I need to find… If Harry’s alive, then maybe…’ He continued digging through the rubble, using his wand and his bare hands, desperate, urgent, pleading with God to let there be a flash of red hair or green eyes, and let her be alive, please…

But she wasn’t. He found her, crushed under rubble, her eyes open and vacant. There were still tear tracks on her face, her mascara had run slightly, and her lips were parted as though she were about to speak. The heavy hand placed on his shoulder made him realize that he was sobbing, crouched over her.

‘They’re in a better place,’ said Hagrid gruffly. ‘An’ they protected their son, tha’s all they wanted.’

Sirius took deep, shuddering breaths. ‘Harry’s alive,’ he reminded himself slowly.

‘Tha’s right,’ said Hagrid. ‘Summit odd happened here tonigh’. Dumbledore said it migh’ all be over. An’ Harry’s alive! Isn’t tha’ just a mighty thing?’

‘Give him to me, Hagrid,’ said Sirius hoarsely. ‘I’m his godfather… I’ll look after him.’ He’d raise Harry just the way James would want him to, he’d make sure he was happy, and safe, and that he’d never remember this terrible night, but would grow up hearing stories of their grand adventures…

‘Ah, I’m sorry, Sirius,’ said Hagrid. ‘I’m on strict orders from Dumbledore. He’s to go to his aunt’s in Surrey. Yeh know I’d hand him over if I could.’

‘But I’m his godfather,’ said Sirius fiercely. ‘I’m his… I was their…’

Wormtail. The fucking evil bastard.

Not even one day. It hadn’t been a single day since they joined hands and entrusted him with that secret. He remembered The Rat’s cheerful goodbye, so confident and pleased that he had been trusted, his promise to let Dumbledore know ‘right away’ that the Secret Keeper had been changed…

The realization stabbed at Sirius’s heart. He looked into Harry’s face, still crying and covered in blood. He used the sleeve of his robe to wipe some of it away, then gave him a trembling kiss on the top of his head, just as James always did.

‘You take my bike, Hagrid. Take my bike to get him there.’

‘Eh? Dumbledore’s given me a portkey teh use&mdsh;’

‘Harry hates them,’ Sirius said honestly. ‘He’s terrified as it is and he… He likes the motorbike.’ He gulped. He remembered those months, when Harry never slept through the night, James Floo’ing him desperately asking to borrow the motorbike, it was the only thing that got him to sleep, flying through the stars to the steady rumble of the engine. ‘Besides, I won’t need it anymore.’ He didn’t think he’d ever be able to look at it again, not without thinking of James…

Hagrid nodded. ‘That’s so nice of yeh, Sirius. I know how much yeh love—’

‘I’m going to go now,’ said Sirius suddenly. ‘I need to… Get him there safe, won’t you?’

Hagrid gave him an understanding, watery smile. ‘O’ course.’

Sirius gave one last look to the front door, where he could still glimpse the top of James’ head, so much like his son’s. He was still staring at it when he gave the motorbike key to Hagrid, before he turned away.

Others were arriving now; standing gathered at the gate, a mixture of confused Muggles talking about a ‘gas leak’ and Ministry officials.

‘Call a healer!’ one of them was yelling, staring at Harry with wide eyes.
‘Get some healers!’

Hand firmly gripping James’ glasses in his pocket, Sirius turned on the spot and vanished.
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