An accusation a proposal and a wedding.
Disclaimer: Blah Blah J K Rowling Blah Blah Don’t sue please. I own nothing but a fiat punto with a dickey exhaust pipe and a quarter of a bottle of southern comfort and I’ll be damned if your having that. However my sister has money feel free to batter her with a stick to get it.
“He didn’t do it! He can’t have done it!” Aime shouted at Remus.
“He has to have done it there was no one else there!” Remus shouted back.
“Look he wasn’t there. He didn’t have a motive.” Aime said through gritted teeth trying to force herself to be calm.
“Well there are three likely suspects. I am one of them then there is him and him!” Remus bellowed gesticulating wildly.
“Remus I am telling you that there is no possible way that he could have done it! He wasn’t even there! So it has to be him.” Aime shouted pointing at the third person in the room.
“Calm down its only Cluedo.” Sirius said from his reclining position on the shabby couch.” There is no need to get all riled up about a game.” He continued raising his arm from across his eyes to look at the warring pair.
“Yes. But Remus won’t take it that I am right. It was Professor Plum in the Library with the lead pipe!” Aime said her voice exasperated, as though she was explaining something difficult for the fiftieth time to a precocious toddler.
“She.” Remus pointed at Aime. “Doesn’t understand that it was Colonel Mustard with the lead pipe in the library.” Remus said through gritted teeth.
“My dear Mr Moony I must interject.” Lily said from the opposite side of the room “You are in fact both wrong. It was Mrs Peacock in the library with the Candlestick.”
At this remark Peter grabbed the little envelope containing the answers. “This could go on all night I am calling that whoever is closest wins the game. All in favour?”
Sirius raised his arm; James lifted his head from the table and nodded. “Fine” Aime said folding her arms.
“Then we are in agreement? Good.” Peter opened the envelope and grinned. “It is…Lily’s game. Mrs Peacock, Library, Candlestick.” He made his point by throwing down each card individually.
Remus’ Cluedo night with Aime had become a spectator sport. On a Tuesday night The Marauder’s and Lily would go to Remus and Aime’s and watch the two of them argue, fuss and fight with each other over ‘who did it’. Nine times out of ten the game got called to an early finish because one of them had the good sense to separate the argumentative pair. For the rest of the week Remus and Aime were like Ozzie and Harriet.
Sirius thought it was almost sickening. Sirius thought this because he was spending and awful lot of time at Remus and Aime’s house. Well he was since he had ‘forgotten’ to pay his rent. Sirius was bunking down on the couch. It was only a two bed roomed cottage after all. Remus had his ‘shed’ on the back garden. It did have its perks though. The view was spectacular, especially when a newly purple haired Aime decided that she was going to go for a swim. Sirius decided that Aime had definitely grown into her body since they left Hogwarts. Sirius guessed that Remus thought the same, however he wasn’t sure that Remus hadn’t always though it. Sirius made a mental note to ask him at some point. Sirius dragged his thoughts back from his best friend’s possible girlfriend. The purple haired imp that had suddenly engulfed his thoughts, that was unexpected. When his finally got some semblance of control of his libido he heard Lily slightly berating Aime.
“You’re going to have to dye your hair back to brown.” Lily said reasonably or so Sirius thought.
“I’m bloody likely.” Aime replied aghast.
“Aime come on be reasonable you’ll clash with your dress.” Lily said.
“It won’t. Don’t be so daft. It’s still blue isn’t it?” Aime asked.
“Yes.” Lily replied tersely. She pulled a face and looked surprisingly like professor McGonagall.
“Then it’s cool.” Aime replied flippantly. Sirius who had risen from his sprawl on the couch was making his way to the kitchen when Aime asked.
“Sirius have you spoken to your mother lately? She keeps sending howlers here.”
“No she been a bit difficult to harass I mean get a hold of lately.”
“Really? I thought you just drew a pentagram on the floor and chanted ‘I summon thee oh evil one’ three times.”
Sirius spat the water had in his mouth all over the cooker top.
“I hope your going to clean that up.” Remus stated nonchalantly.
“Yes. I. Am.” Sirius said robotically.
“Aww man. They own you like Siegfried owns Roy.” James joked.
“Yeah but I really can make a tiger fly round the room.” Sirius replied smugly.
“Right I am going for a bath.” Aime said pushing herself off her knees from the threadbare carpet. As she passed she ruffled Remus’ slightly longer than usual hair he rolled his eyes and watched her leave the room. Lily was sitting on James knee grinning.
“What?!” Remus exclaimed
Lily just smiled at him and whispered something into James’ ear. James grinned and nodded.
“What?” Remus asked again.
“Remus and Aime sitting in a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G first comes love then comes marriage.” Peter sang noticing the couple on the couch. “Then comes Remus with a …oof” Peter continued until he caught a pillow in the stomach for his efforts.
“Aime and I aren’t sleeping together.” Remus said indignantly.
“No one said you were Moony mate. But that’s one guilty conscience that you have there.” Sirius said returning to the adjoining living room with a tea towel draped casually over his shoulder.
“Right lads and Lily I am off home Dolores demands it.” Peter said rising form his chair.
“Pete you are well under the thumb.” Sirius said as Peter took a hand full of floo powder.
“Yes but Sirius my not so astute chum, who is getting sex on a regular basis? Dolores Umbridge Living room.” And with that Peter disappeared in a poof of smoke and green flame.
Remus packed away the argument causing board game, muttering to the room in general.
“I don’t believe he is seeing a woman with the same name as that psychotic bitch of a politician.”
Lily and James looked at each other knowing that it was a sore point for him. James decided at that point to brighten up the irate werewolf.
“I didn’t want to ask you this whilst Pete was here but I was wondering how you two would feel about being our sons god parents?”
“Really!?” Sirius asked swelling with pride. “You’d trust me with your son and all that responsibility?”
James grinned at his friend. And said “Well actually no because that would be Remus’ job since he is the responsible one.”
Sirius returned the smile and yelled “That’s fine it get to be the cool one!” He then proceeded to do a one man conga around the living room.
Remus however was another story altogether, he had frozen in shock. Remus did want to be the kid’s guardian but unfortunately given his condition he wasn’t legally allowed to be.
“James I can’t.” He said quietly. “The law states that anyone with lycanthropy cannot become a legal guardian to a child since it puts the child’s life in jeopardy.”
“Hang on a fucking red hot minute here! Does that mean you’re pregnant!?” Sirius shouted from the kitchen.
James rolled his eyes at the apparent slowness of his best friend.
“Yes Sirius that means I am having the sprog of Prongs.” Lily shouted back but on a quieter note to Remus. “Don’t worry Remus you can still have all guardian rights to the baby. I won’t have it any other way.” Lily wrapped her arms around Remus and gave him a hug.
“Thanks Lils.” He whispered to her.
“Hey do you honestly think that I would let that deranged lunatic look after my kid alone. Personally I’d take you on one of your off nights over Sirius anyday.” Lily grinned at the werewolf. The werewolf grinned back.
***
The wedding went off with out a hitch. It was a spectacular sight to see. Lily looked astonishingly pretty in a simple white wedding dress. It showed off her baby bump slightly and she was glowing. Remus and Sirius had gone shopping in muggle London for suits and the like. Remus had borrowed money off Aime for his suit with the intentions of paying her back. Aime however had other ideas and refused to accept the money.
Sirius had scared the congregation half to death when he appeared in church wearing a kilt. But not just any kilt no, no, no, this one was bright read and gold. Sirius a true Gryffindor. James for his part was leaking like a sieve he was so nervous.
The wedding night however did not go as well as planned. First Lily was too worried about doing the deed with regard to the baby and damaging it and ended up in Aime’s room being told about sex during pregnancy. In various soothing tones from Aime “Of course your not that far along. No it won’t harm the baby and it most certainly cannot see just yet.” Aime had told her and shuffled her out of the room.
James had had a little too much ‘Dutch courage’ and couldn’t perform. He was found in a heap outside the door when a disgruntled and slightly hormonal Lily had left him when passed out drunk in the hall. With a shout of “It’s not that common and it doesn’t happen to all guys And it is a big deal!” Slam went the door and thud went the James. Sirius and Aime who had had a little nosy at the commotion stuck their heads out of the doors of their respective room. Sirius shook his head at the site of his friend.
“Well paint me pink and cover me in ticker tape.” Aime had said as she grabbed James by the arms and propped him up with on the wall. James started giggling like a lunatic.
“I don’t have any paint.” He chuckled to Aime. Aime rolled her eyes at him. Aime knocked on the door. Lily answered it and grabbed the staggering James by his collar and pulled him with her.
The next morning at breakfast the boys had decided that they were going to go play golf. Aime found this insanely amusing since none of them had club’s or even the slightest idea of how to play golf. Sirius had gleefully rent four sets of ‘Golf sticks’ and the four of them had wandered of to the golf course practice swinging all the way. Once the boys were out of sight Aime had dragged Lily back up stairs to her room.
“Sit sit sit.” Aime had pushed Lily on to the bed. Lily sat at her insistent friend’s request.
“I bought you a present.” Aime said returning from the bathroom with an innocuous looking brown bag. And an evil grin plastered all over her face.
“What did you do to it?” Lily asked suspiciously.
“Nothing, Nothing. I didn’t need to do anything I bought it like that.” Aime replied with a smirk.
There was a moment when the two women looked at each other the bag between them. Finally Lily’s curiosity got the better of her she looked in the bag.
“Oh my God!” Lily screamed in surprise. “You actually went into a shop and bought that.” Aime quirked her eyebrow in response. Lily looked on turning furiously red. Aime smirked. “I don’t believe that you bought that.” Lily said with a grin and a nod towards the bag. Aime just grinned.
“I’ve never used one before.” Lily whispered. Aime grinned at her again. Aime scrunched her nose up and smirked at the bright red of Lily’s face.
“You will get used to it. There is lubricant in there and batteries. They aren’t as good as the real thing but desperate times.” Aime finished with a shrug. Aime glanced up at her friend who had pulled the bright orange vibrator out of the bag. “And they don’t leave the toilet seat up.” The pair looked at each other and collapsed into fits of giggles.
A/N: Hey I thought it was funny and it is something that two girls would do. I’m sorry if you’re offended. Ever think that you maybe a little too young to read it?