Love is a growing or full constant light; and his first minute, after noon, is night.
-- John Donna 1572-1631: 'A lecture in the shadow'
The Next Day
The next day James woke up early. He had no recollection of the previous night’s events in the thirty seconds it took for him to awaken. Then the painful memory crashed down on him. He groaned, why Lily, why did she of all people have to fancy Sirius. He could not believe his bad luck, his best friend and the girl he liked, no, loved. He fought back tears as he gathered himself together and made for the common room. If only it were he she wanted.
He reached Gryffindor house and clambered in through the portrait hole. Lily was still in the armchair by the fireplace. She was asleep. James watched her breathing in and out, he saw he eyelids flicker. Quietly, he tiptoed past the chair to the staircase.
“James?”
“Just go back to sleep,” he sighed.
“No,” he heard the stubbornness in her voice. “James, we need to talk.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
Here came the tears again. She reached out her hand and patted his. He looked up and caught her eye; there were tears in it. He tried to look away but she caught his head and turned it back.
“Look at me James. I am sorry, I am so sorry. I do not know what to say. Sorry.”
She let go. He turned his head towards the fireplace. A tear ran down his face.
“Yeah, well, so am I. We could have been so great together.”
He stood up and walked over to the stairs leading up to the boys dormitory, he was staying there until the head boy and girl’s dorm was done up.
“I did not mean to hurt you,” Lily said.
But he had already gone. She sighed; she knew she would never be able to tell him the truth.
***
Sirius practically jumped on James when he came in.
“James, old fellow, old pal, old boy! Where on earth were you last night? Was it Lily? Did you guys hook up? James? James what is wrong with you? I’d have thought you’d be happy as hell.”
James just fell onto his bed. Remus looked over in a concerned manner. Peter was sleeping.
“He doesn’t look so good Sirius.”
Remus had walked over to join Sirius. They were just standing there, staring at him. Sirius’ eyes bore into his, Sirius; this was all Sirius’ fault!
“You bastard!” Yelled James, hurling himself at Sirius.
“W...WH...What?”
“I’m going to kill you! You touch her again and I will kill you! You stupid, bloody bastard! I hate you! You’ve ruined it!”
Remus pulled him off Sirius. He was sobbing.
***
Lily wandered down the halls in a daze. He had not been cocky, he had not pretended not to like her, and she had even seen tears in his eyes. Sirius was a great guy, but Lily’s feelings for him were not as strong as she had thought. She had never known James cared that much.
She had been so lost in her thoughts that she had not noticed a figure emerging in front of her.
“Miss Evans?” Came a warm voice, Lily looked up. Standing in front of her was Albus Dumbledore.
“Oh, sorry Professor Dumbledore,” she said, blushing.
“Knutze for your thoughts?” He offered. “I was just coming to find you actually, the head boy and girl’s room has been refurbished and your duties begin tonight. I trust you already know who head boy is?”
“No,” said Lily, dreading the answer.
“James Potter. Could you please inform him from me?”
“Of course professor.” Lily’s face fell, Potter, just her luck.
Dumbledore started to walk away, “Oh, and Miss Evans,” he said over his shoulder. “Don’t be too harsh on Mr. Potter, he had a rough summer.”
Lily turned to ask what had happened but he had already gone. Suddenly a thought struck her, something she had read in the daily prophet: “Anna and Harry Potter were brutally murdered by You Know Who in their own home on Saturday 15th August. Their son James is said to be returning from his holiday in France with school friend Sirius Black.” How had she not remembered this? She had seen the pictures of them smiling and waving on the wizard’s obituary page. She breathed in deep, poor James. To come home from a holiday to find your parents dead and then to come back to school hoping to maybe turn over a new leaf and find that the girl you fancy likes your best friend better than you.
She had made a huge mistake and she had to go and find James before it got out of hand.
***
Sirius and Remus looked worried; James had stormed out without a word after his crying fiasco.
“This has to be something to do with what Evans said to him last night,” said Sirius. “Stupid bitch, doesn’t she realize that he’s not exactly the happiest he could be right now anyway.”
“Sirius, she probably didn’t know about his parents,”
Remus was being reasonable again; Sirius hated it when Remus was reasonable.
“He blames himself for their death you know,” Sirius looked a Remus. “He thinks he could have prevented it had he been there.”
Remus sighed; somehow, he did not think that being reasonable would help this time.
“We have to find him,” he said. “He needs us.”
***
Lily ran back up to the Gryffindor common room and almost collided with James who was on his way out.
“Wait, I need to talk to you,” she said.
“I know, I know. Our dorm is ready. One of the house elves came to find me.”
“No, not that, I really need to talk to you.”
“Yeah, well, maybe another time.”
James pushed Lily away from him. He needed to get out of the school; he needed the wind in his hair. He needed Quidditch.
He collected his broom from the store cupboard on the way to the pitch. His dad had given him the broom the previous summer; it was a very expensive make made of ebony and teak wood. On the handle was carved “To my son James, make me proud, love dad”
He was going to make him proud; he was going to get revenge. He knew that one day he would kill Voldemort or die trying, nothing or no-one would stand in his way.
“James?”
He turned to find a teary Lily standing a few feet away from him.
***
a/n I want to get 10 reviews for this before I update with the next chapter, it's called “Lily’s Secret”.