September 2nd, 6th year:
This was one hell of a day too. James is on his way to skunkdum and I reek like a bloody Mary on a Sunday afternoon. It's James' fault really. He got the idea that eau de cologne would work him wonders. It worked him wonders all right. Just watch, it was God awful…
It was early morning in the Marauders dorm as the boys readied themselves for the day. In the midst of flailing pant legs and arms pulling on sweaters, the boys talked of James' favorite subject (besides quidditch), Lily Evans.
"I just know it, Padfoot, it's just bound to happen this year. I mean it's only a matter of time, don't you think?"
Sirius shook his head. "You want my honest opinion mate?"
James thought and a moment. "Um… no." he decided.
"Aw c'mon Prongs, give it up on Evans. You're beating yourself up over this! Some girls will like you, others won't, it's just the way it goes," Sirius offered.
James frowned. "I don't think so. Evans was made for me, I know it, and… I could just about bet she's in love with me." James smirked at Sirius' expression of doubt. "I'll prove it!" he persisted.
"Power to you," Sirius clapped James on the back. "Now don't look all dejected like that. I'm sure Evans is a real… doll."
Sirius winced inwardly. He hardly thought Lily a doll, he envisioned her as more a dragon lady. "I just think you deserve someone better, someone that doesn't hate you."
James looked greatly disappointed and it gave Sirius the need to further his explanation.
"Prongs, you would have the perfect woman with Evans' body and Abbots personality. Stunning though she may be, Evans'd bite your head off in an instant. I'd really hate to be on the receiving end of one of her insults. That girl breathes fire!"
"She's got a real gentle disposition, Evans does, when you get to know her," commented Moony, tightening his belt.
Sirius who was half clad, jumped atop his bed and groaned, "Don't tell me you like her too!" he cried, pulling at his hair.
"Of course not," frowned Moony, "She's a prefect."
"Oh she's perfect all right," sighed James dreamily.
Moony ignored him. "She's not like you think Padfoot, only to James."
"I'm the lucky one aren't I?" grumbled Prongs, detaching himself from his dreamy trance.
"A gentle disposition, when you get to know her? How well do you know her Remus?" Sirius teased.
"Not much more than you do. I see her at perfect meetings n' things. She's much better there, behaves herself."
"Private Prefect meetings," winked Sirius.
"Oh come off it Padfoot! Evans is James' infatuation, not mine."
"Sure seem to know a lot about her don't you?"
Moony waved Sirius' comment away. "If James didn't make such a ninny of himself around her, maybe she wouldn't be so… harsh."
"A ninny?" cried James, appalled, hands on his hips.
"You're just not very tactful around her," Moony said wisely.
"Tactful?"
"Damn is there an echo in here James? Just watch it around Evans, she's never seen your good side before." There was a period of silence where James mulled over Moony's words. Sirius felt the need to break the silence.
"What time's it Moony?"
"Twenty after," he sighed, looking to his wristwatch. "It's getting late. I have to be in McGonagall's office before eight and Mackenzie-" he stopped short, his face turning a hint pink.
"McGavott, you asked her out then?" asked Peter excitedly, he was finally awake enough to converse.
"Kind of," muttered Moony, he was clearly blushing now. "I'm going to be her unofficial astronomy tutor from here on out. Apparently her mother wasn't pleased with her O.W.L. results."
Sirius’ face alighted. "Well it sounds like a start Moony. Tell us if you kiss her all right?"
Remus narrowed his eyebrows, "Does everything have to be that way with you Sirius? Maybe I'm interested in getting to know her first."
Sirius seemed shocked at the idea. "Get to know her? Why don't you just start a peaceful little study group and we can all join hands and sing."
"Well it's my choice if I want to―" Moony began to protest.
"I'm only joking mate. You're a much better man than I am Remus, I must say," Sirius said, his expression lightening.
Moony looked at his watch again, "Well I'll see you all at breakfast. Rumor's that we have potions first, with Ravenclaw, I think. Later mates."
Remus tucked his wand behind his ear and departed the dormitory. Peter dashed after him, caroling for Moony to wait up.
"Potions with Ravenclaw, well that's bully," grumbled Sirius as he fastened his tie, it was one of his morning hassles, and Blair Jennings always had a habit of undoing it sometime in the day.
James was examining himself in the mirror rumpling his hair as usual. "But I thought you were good potions."
"Yeah well that doesn't mean I like it… plus with all those rotten Ravenclaws."
James turned from his reflection to face Sirius. "What's wrong with them, they've never been bad, it's those Slytherins they're the prob―"
"The problem is Sinistra," Sirius said jerkily.
"Stella Sinistra? The cute one?"
"Yeah, shut up," Sirius said this quickly, hoping the subject would pass.
"Oh God, you really like her don't you Sirius?" said James smiling wryly.
Sirius didn't say anything and became exceedingly transfixed with tying his shoe.
"Sirius?" said James in a scolding tone, "Sirius you naughty lad, keeping things from ol' Prongs."
"I don't believe in false hope James. Why mention it if she won't even go with me?"
"No way! A girl that won't yield for you, impossible!"
"Oh can it Potter. I'm starved." Sirius turned from James, trying to conceal a forming smile.
They were almost out the door when James remembered something. "Oh wait!" he cried, dashing back to his bedside.
"Oh wait, what? I'm starving Prongs!"
"Just a minute, just a minute," stalled James, rummaging through his trunk. He seemed to have found his article of desire, pulling a small clear bottle from a roll of socks and displaying it proudly to Sirius. "Ah ha!" he beamed.
"What is it?" frowned Sirius.
"This… is the essence of victory, eau de cologne! Got it on holiday in France, the finest. Just one sprits and you'll have a long line of females trailing after you." James “spritsed” himself several times in a ceremonial manner, then tossed the bottle to Sirius.
"Here, try it!"
Sirius examined the bottle warily and sniffed the nozzle. He wrinkled his nose repulsively and held the bottle back, at arms length, handing it to James.
"That's awful!" he gagged.
"It only smells that way in the bottle, leaves a nice orange cinnamon scent afterwards. Besides, the results are extraordinary!"
"I don't need that rubbish! It'll turn girls off before it turns them on."
"C'mon, try it with me, just for a day," James pleaded.
"We'll have the whole school running from us Prongs. I'd get that stuff off if I were you."
"Don't be ridiculous," laughed James passively. "I paid good money for this. I know what I'm doing."
"Your choice," shrugged Sirius. "C'mon, it's getting late."
"Sure," said James, making as if he were putting the cologne away.
He quickly jumped forward and sprayed Sirius sneakily in the back. Not seeming to notice James' move, Sirius proceeded out the door. James tucked the eau de cologne in his pocket and followed quickly after him.
At ten after eight, Padfoot and Prongs arrived in the Great Hall for breakfast. They promptly situated themselves next to Moony and began discussing new schedules and arrangements.
"Yeh, I was right. Potions with Ravenclaw and then Care of Magical Creatures, that's with Hufflepuff and… Charms with… well, not all our dreams can come true, Slytherin, but that's not a bad first day," said Moony, folding his schedule into his pocket and attacking a piece of toast.
James was examining his schedule with a look of confusion. "Is Evans taking Magical Creatures, Remus?"
Moony looked up with the crust in his mouth. "Don' know."
James turned to Sirius, who was cramming his mouth with muffin. James decided not to disturb him as it would be a messy business asking him a question.
"Why?" Moony inquired.
"Oh just trying my luck, maybe I'll be able to patch things up with her."
Moony snorted in laughter, "It'll certainly take a stroke of luck for that."
"Well I have a solution," said James quietly, a mischievous grin creeping on his face.
"Do you?" asked Moony, greatly surprised.
"Oda-lone!" garbled Sirius his mouth overflowing with muffin.
Moony leaned in to catch Sirius better. "Come again?"
Sirius gulped heartily, swallowing his immense bite. "Eau de cologne," he said simply.
Sirius' explanation was disrupted be McGonagall, who had come in a swift stride to James' side.
"May I have a word Mr. Potter?" she asked. "A private one? Yes, just you Potter, well Black can come too… I suppose he'll need to know too."
James looked to Sirius in genuine surprise, what had they done? This time they were surely innocent. The boys slid warily from their seats and followed McGonagall to the corridor outside the Great Hall.
"As you know Potter, Roberts, last year's quidditch captain has moved on, and now the duty resides with me to choose a new one…" She stalled for a long moment, letting her words sink in. James waited intensely.
Roberts had left, it was either Potter or Black this time. Eyeing the boys anxious faces,
McGonagall continued. "And I have decided…"
Sirius was bursting inside, spit it out woman!
"I have decided that Potter will be the new Gryffindor quidditch captain," she said this hastily, frowning, but James' broad grin set her countenance to a small smile. "That's if you behave yourself Potter, if you behave yourself."
"Yes professor, of course professor," James beamed.
"I mean it Potter. Don't think I won't suspend your position if I catch you in any mischief. I'm relying on you to keep that Cup in my office boy… don't ruin this one opportunity, and you too Black. I'd like to think you've matured, don't prove me wrong."
"Can't we have just a little slack professor?" pleaded Sirius sweetly. His bottom lip trembled slightly, making as if he were going to cry, and his eyes became wide and innocent, like a begging puppy's. He looked at her all the more intently, as if daring her to feel sorry for him. It obviously had no affect.
"Absolutely not Black! At least by sixteen years of age I'd think you could contain yourself. Studying, perhaps would be a better past time, or quidditch practice, lots of it! Black, you've never let a quaffle in yet, I want to see that kind of performance continue…"
"Whatever you like," Sirius smirked, "anything for a grand gal like you."
McGonagal stiffened. "Flattery will not gain you house points Black!" she snapped, "and speaking of which, you will lose a lot more than points if you continue the year with adverse behavior."
She looked them over once more, making sure they understood properly, then sighed, "It's getting late. Potter, congratulations and Black… do use good judgment."
She whisked away, leaving the boys in the corridor.
"Seesh, don't take threats, don't make threats! Can you believe her, accusing us before the crime, it's outrageous!"
James didn't seem to share in Sirius' frustration, he was still glowing with the good news. "James Potter, Quidditch Captain, stud of the year! I can just see it Padfoot!"
"Congratulations mate. Everyone knew you were going to get it," Sirius smiled brightly, a little too brightly actually. Remus suspected a twinge of bitterness.
"I was almost positive it'd be you. I mean with all those saves."
"Yes well you got us points. You deserve it more than I do anyway," Sirius words trailed off slightly. He caught himself. "C'mon, Moony'll want to know."
Remus stood back and watched the two make their way to the Gryffindor table. He watched as Moony learned of the good news and congratulated James and as Sirius crossed his arms and looked glum when he thought no one was looking. When James or Remus would speak to him, his face would alight, then dim when they looked away. It was strange that he, Remus, had never noticed it, that Sirius had a bit of a jealous streak with James. It was clear as he watched now, how he never caught it before amazed him. The more Remus thought of it, Sirius really hid a lot, and for his friends, was a great pretender.
The scenery morphed once more, this time into a musty corridor. Remus recognized this as the way to the castle dungeons and Potions. Many students were loitering about the corridor, enjoying the last free minutes before class. The Marauders were among them, talking coolly at the foot of the stairwell.
"This stuff is working Padfoot, did you see the way she looked at me?" James of course was referring to fellow sixth year and Gryffindor Alexandra Crane, who had just congratulated him on his captainship.
"Oh yes, she was just fawning over you Prongs. Drooling and the whole bit," said Sirius sarcastically. His gaze kept traveling to a group of Ravenclaws a ways down the hall, and he cocked his head to the side, as (in Remus' opinion) to give passersby a good look at his good looks.
"What stuff are you talking about?" Moony asked.
"Oh we didn't tell you did we?" said Sirius, lowering his voice. "Eau de cologne, it's Prongs' new hopeless attempt at Evans."
"It's not hopeless! I sprayed you in fact and it looks like its working," James informed Sirius.
"You what?!"
The clock chimed nine o'clock, it was time for class. The loitering few groaned and meandered down into the dungeons. Sirius gave James an especially dirty look. Indeed the cologne was working, every girl Sirius passed went foggy eyed and followed him in a trance.
The full effect of the cologne was revealed when Tallulah Stevens, who was already sweet on Sirius, fainted in front of him in potions. Professor Vicar, who was a bit of a quirky fellow anyway, cried out in exasperation, when he saw Tallulah sprung out on the floor.
"Oh Miss Stevens, how many times have I told you not to drink your potion until I have approved it!"
Once Vicar revived Tallulah with smelling salts, Sinistra was the next to fall. Numerous other girls began to swoon, some knocking over their cauldrons, others, their partners. Turmoil spread and things became all the more sour, when McGavott fainted atop Evans, and Evans who was struggling for support and balance, pulled James down with her. He had landed atop her in the most awkward of positions and she screamed and slapped his face upon realizing his stance. By the end of class the dungeon was littered with cauldron contents, flooding the floor and sizzling and bubbling student's shoes. It was a great gloppy green mess that reeked of fish oil.
Unceasingly and to the very end, Professor Vicar insisted it was the potion's pungent fumes that caused the chaos, although he failed to address the fact that only the females were affected. He informed the class that he'd be writing to Fifi Lefaux, author of Practical Potions, and complain that the effects of her Swoon Subduing potion were adverse.
Class was dismissed for lunch, and James and Sirius were sure to be the first ones out. Sirius was in the lead, running down the hall.
"Hold up mate, where are you off to?" called James, finally coming to an even jog at Sirius' side.
"The nearest pit stop, to get this ruddy gunk off me! I can't believe you Prongs."
Sirius turned the corner and shoved James through the door of the boy's lavatory. It was empty save for Bobby Greed who was having a moment of vanity with the mirror. He saw Sirius and turned quite red, quickly removing himself from the lavatory, not bothering to fasten his belt. Sirius made for the sink and demanded James show him the location of the cologne.
"Just there," said James, pointing to a region on Sirius' back.
"Just where?" said Sirius in growing irritation, he clenched his teeth as his spoke, his patience mere threads.
"Just there. Here, turn around so you can see properly. It's only there," James said vaguely, not really giving Sirius the cologne's specific location.
"Just on the top then?"
"Well… its kind of spread out," James mumbled, knowing what was coming.
"You mean to tell me, it's all over don't you?" cried Sirius, his voice echoing against the bathroom walls.
"Quiet!" hissed James, "Myrtle'll hear, don't want her in here do we?"
"How do you get this crap off!" Sirius persisted, not caring who heard.
"Soap, water, the conventional way I suppose," shrugged James.
Sirius pulled off his robes and grabbed a bar of soap, rubbing it against them furiously, whilst glaring at James. "What I don't understand is why it's not working this way for you? No one's goggling at you!"
"Must have different affects on different people, I hope I don't have a tendency to attract nerds, that'd be a real pity." James was standing with his arms crossed watching humorously as Sirius worked in diligence to remove the "gunk" from his uniform.
"Don't' stand there with that stupid look on your face," smiled Sirius, finally lighting up. "There, I think that's the best I can do. It's wet now, but at least I won't smell anymore."
After lunch, Sirius deposited his robes in the dormitory, for extra precaution, incase the essence was still potent. Care of Magical Creatures was their next class, which happened to be James' personal favorite, as he could goof around as much as he pleased. Professor Snub never seemed to notice much really. Sirius used to like to call her Professor Snub n' Stuff (though not to her face of course) because of her rather disheveled dumpy look.
Snub, was a plump rosy-cheeked witch whose love for animals almost matched Hagrid's, and today she lead her class out to the edge of the forbidden forest to look at what she claimed was a “real treat”. The Marauders took up the rear of the class, straggling behind. It had been their intention to slip off during class unnoticed, and head out to Hogsmeade. Moony had protested with the idea, but gave in when James said he'd buy him a butter beer and that McGavott would take his notes.
"Are we all here? Yes good, it looks like it," Snub said in musical tones. "Well then, today I have brought you here to examine a rare find, it's the remnants of one I think but…"
Professor Snub closed in on the knot of one of the forest's surrounding trees and pushed back some branches to reveal a tiny silver nest. "An imp colony, or what's left of it. Come around ladies and gentlemen, I want you all to get a good look at this."
Only some Hufflepuffs and a small group of Gryffindors (Evans' clan mostly), heeded Snub, the rest of the class seemed to take the same philosophy as the Marauders when it came to Magical Creatures.
"You'll want to notice the intricate twigging… oh and see here, bluebell drops…"
Snub was animated with a childlike excitement, bouncing from one detail to the next. Since she had suggested the students take notes, Evans' hand had been scribbling furiously across her parchment, her feather quill a white blur beneath her chin. It gave Lily a kind of ethereal aura that hypnotized James' gaze.
"Stubby Snubby's at it again," whispered Sirius. "We should leave now, when she's this gung ho! She'll be on those nests for eternity."
"No, no I don't think we should go yet," said James, nearly drooling with visions of Lily.
"You promised someone a butter beer," Sirius nudged James, smiling at Moony.
"All right sure, whatever. Just give me a moment."
"You've had a moment Prongs, Evans'll be here when we get back." Sirius forced James from his goggle fest.
The Marauders started to pull away from the class, when an arm yanked Sirius back. It was Blaire Jennings, she hadn't forgotten about last night in the stairwell.
"Where are you going? Snub not intriguing enough for you. I'll keep you entertained, I guarantee that Black," she giggled, pulling him into her arms. Sirius detached himself and tried to contain his tone.
"You know Blaire, you don't really choose the best times."
She went at him again. "I don't, do I? Well you'll just have to stick with me the rest of the lesson, or I'll tell Snubby where you've gotten off to." She ran a finger down his neck to his tie, which she grabbed and used to pull him back to the group. This was what he had been afraid of.
Unfortunately Sirius couldn't protest. It would have brought too much attention to him. Pushing Jennings off him would taint his image, and that was something he could make sacrifices for.
Blaire was about to speak again, when she went glassy eyed and collapsed in Sirius' arms. In shock, he let go of her. Luckily, Moony had the sense to catch her, and place Blaire gently on the floor.
"I thought you said you got that stuff off!" he hissed.
"I did, or… at least I thought I did," mumbled Sirius.
"Either way Sirius, we better get you out of here, before we have another incident like in potions," suggested James.
"This is all your fault!" Sirius whispered harshly, "I don't know why I should even listen to you?"
"I was just saying--" James began, then… "Ouch!"
James clasped his derriere in pain and whirled around to see two beady brown eyes. They belonged to a young female deer that had just emerged from the forest. She cocked her head innocently to the side and looked James over inquisitively.
"Wow, my god!" he laughed in surprise.
The deer pursued him again, nuzzling him with her nose. There came another snap and a yelp from James, two more deer had joined the flock and they too were infatuated with James.
Before he knew it he as corned by five deer that now took to nibbling at his robes and licking his face. Sirius stood back pleasantly watching, not bothering to help, and Moony watched in dumbfounded silence, not knowing, for once, what to do.
"Oh! Look deer!" cried a girl, noticing James and his predicament. Snub lost the whole class' attention, as a large group of girls stampeded to see the animals.
"Wow! They're so cute!" shrieked McGavott gleefully. "Look Lily, look they're adorable aren't they?"
Lily was being lapped affectionately by one of the deer and giggled lightly, "Only if boys were this sweet!"
James frowned at this and swore beneath his breath. Had he known that, he would simply have wooed Lily with his animal charms. Ducking another deer bite, he ran from the group of hovering females and made for the castle with great speed. The deer, realizing James was gone gallivanted after him, but stopped at the castle's entrance, realizing it was hopeless game.
"Well," smirked Sirius, "if you can't attract women, why not deer?"
Moony shook his head humorously and mused aloud, "I wonder if I'd attract wolves?"
The castle grounds blurred once again into the boys lavatory, where James and Sirius were crammed together in a stall reading the back of the eau de cologne bottle.
"Eau de cologne," James read quickly, "Amazing and bla bla bla, okay here! Fits every man's own genre, well found that out didn't we? Long lasting, soaks into skin through close for extra potency! Twelve day minimum essence," James looked up from the bottle sheepishly, his eyes meeting Sirius'.
"Twelve day minimum Prongs?" seethed Sirius between clenched teeth.
James shrugged apologetically, "Sorry" he whined.
"Twelve day minimum?" said Sirius again, this time louder with growing rage. "Nice one!" he cried, "Real nice!" He started hitting James with his copy of Hogwarts, A History and swearing uncontrollably at him.
"My mistake," laughed James weakly, "We all make mistakes Padfoot… Ouch! Real sorry!"
Sirius subsided the whacking and glared at James. "I'm sure you are. Well I'll tell you what; I'm leaving it up to you to solve this little mess! And I warn you, if I have to hear Elise Collier's high pitched little smigid of a sneeze one more time, I'll kill you Prongs."
(The eau de cologne had affected Elise Collier, another one of Lily's friends, in a rather unusual way, causing her to sneeze every time she came near Sirius. It had really gotten to him in Charms earlier that day).
James brushed Sirius off him, "Of course, of course. No worries mate, I'll fix things."
"Good," Sirius sneered and left James in his stall with Myrtle smiling happily down at him, an evil satisfaction in her eye. James was rather shocked to see her there, but then again this was Myrtle who liked to sneak up on innocent unsuspecting boys.
"Well," she laughed, "If Black won't love you, I will Potter."
"Oh… um, thanks Myrtle."
James eased out of the stall, any moment she was going to blow, spout tears and blow, and flood the bathroom in the process.
"Um… bye." James dashed out of the lavatory.
"You're all the same you boys!" she shrieked after him.
>>
>>
Remus was back reading the diary:
I suppose I have it better than James at least I can retreat to the forest when things get bad, but now he's stuck. Twelve days of this, twelve! It was pretty glum after dinner. James was in an awful mood. That's rare too. He's usually Mr. Happy Go Lucky. Eau de cologne had reeked everything happy out of our day. I feel bad for Prongs now actually, Evans hates him all the more (after that little spill in potions), and I've been giving him the silent treatment. I really have to keep quiet or I know I'll spout out swear words and curses if I even try to speak to him. Even the thought of him being named quidditch captain doesn't make him happy anymore. We're both glum and grumpy and I for one am pissed. There's no other way to describe things, they reek, literally.
I know McGonagal was right to pick James, I mean he's an excellent seeker, I just… well forget it. It's only quidditch after all. I think I'm the born leader between the two of us though. I wouldn't be a regrettable captain I don't think. Let’s just hope James keeps his head on this time. After today's experience, I'm doubting all his "good" judgment.
After we read the bottle in the lavatory, James poured its contents on Snivellus. I wonder how he's doing right now, I hope he's in hell too, it'd just settle me to think that Snivellus has it worse than us. He should always have it worse than us, the little grease ball.
So, how was that? REVIEW PLZ! I luv you all so very much and Sirius sends his blessing to those of you who show interest in his adolescent thoughts:). -Amalynne