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Right Under His Nose
Chapter Five: The Thin Line Between Love and Hate
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A/N: All right, all right. You asked for H/G, you got H/G. This chapter is a lot longer than usual, because I wanted to get their interaction just right. Please review and tell me what you think! And thank you for all the reviews I've gotten so far-- I'm stunned! Thanks, guys!
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Ginny Weasley was going to be his partner in detention.
Harry stood, frozen, staring at Ginny. He was vaguely aware the McGonagall was still speaking to him and supposed it might have been a good idea to pay attention, but Harry didn’t bother to listen. Ginny was aware of his presence, he could tell. . . she kept her eyes trained on the ground and seemed like she was trying to fight a steady, rising blush.
Seems like you’re both doing a lot of that, Potter.
“Mr. Potter!”
Harry’s head snapped up to look at McGonagall. Immediately he wished he hadn’t. McGonagall was fixing him with a powerfully stern stare, her nostrils flaring and her eyes growing wider. Her mouth thinned even further, if possible, and Harry nearly quavered.
Probably should have paid attention to what she was saying.
“Yes, Professor McGonagall?” he asked in a small voice.
McGonagall was breathing heavily through her nose when she answered. “Mr. Potter,” she said through clenched teeth, “I was asking you why you were late, but I realize now that trying to hold your attention for more than thirty seconds whilst in the presence of Miss Weasley is a lost cause.”
What the bloody hell? Can she say that?
Harry’s face flamed, and McGonagall looked somewhat satisfied. Harry tried to suppress the glare he desperately wanted to give her. . . it wouldn’t do to get another detention or let Ginny know what McGonagall had said was the dead-on truth. There was no way she couldn’t have heard. Harry risked another glance at Ginny and saw she had a small smile on her face.
Yes, Potter, she definitely heard. What are you going to do about it?
“Professor””
“So, Mr. Potter, I will be quick. You and Miss Weasley are to stay here until each of these firewood logs is Transfigured into a desk chair. After you have completed that task, you will find a list of classrooms on the front of my desk and deliver the chairs to the appropriate classroom. Do you have any questions?”
Harry shook his head, still trying to make his blush recede. “No, Professor.”
“Good.” McGonagall went to her desk and picked up her cloak, bag, and walking stick. She was obviously going to visit the village. Harry felt anger flare low in his stomach, remembering how, ten minutes ago, he had been almost glad about this detention. He had been looking forward to the time to himself. . . looking forward to some time spent not thinking about Ginny. But here she was, sitting right under his nose, obviously not paying him a whit of attention (besides the smile at McGonagall’s comment).
At least you don’t have to worry about what Thomas is doing to her.
Harry went across the room, trying to focus on the wood and not the fact that Ginny’s arm touched his leg when he walked past. It wasn’t easy.
“Oh, and Potter?” Professor McGonagall called out. Harry turned. “If I come back and you are not finished you will find yourself with another Saturday detention. Good day.” She turned and left the room.
The door shut with an ominous dry click. An awkward silence settled over the room and Harry had no idea how to break it. How was he supposed to, after a statement like that from McGonagall? As far as he knew, Ginny was horribly embarrassed and never wanted to speak to him again.
Or she could be waiting for you to talk.
He wished Hermione were here. Then he could ask her just what in hell he was supposed to do”
“So, what did you do?”
Ginny had broken the silence. She turned and gave him an expectant look. “Hm?”
What had he done. . .
To get the detention, you prat.
“Oh! I, er, I wasn’t paying attention in class.”
Ginny grinned. “You must have been doing a whole lot of not paying attention to land a detention.”
“Well,” Harry grinned too, “I didn’t exactly to the Transfiguration.”
“What did you start out with?”
“A raccoon.”
“What was it supposed to be?”
“A raven.”
“And what did you end up with?”
“A raccoon.”
They looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. Harry had to sit down and Ginny was holding her stomach, shaking with mirth. This was good. . . they were laughing, this wasn’t awkward at all. Harry grinned even more broadly.
“So what”” Ginny giggled again, “what were you thinking about so much that you didn’t even start Transfiguring?”
You.
. . .
Oh, yeah, Potter, this isn’t awkward at all.
Harry tried to keep laughing so she wouldn’t know the real answer to his question. “Oh, nothing really,” he said, in what he hoped was an offhand voice.
“I don’t believe you,” said Ginny in a playfully accusatory tone. “Come on, you can tell me. Who’s the girl?”
Harry jumped and his wand nearly fell out of his hand.
How do girls do that?
“Girl?” he said, then immediately cleared his throat, horribly embarrassed. “There’s no girl.”
Better. Next time, Potter, when talking to a girl, try not to sound like one.
Ginny gave him a wicked grin. “Oh come on, Harry. I have six older brothers. You think I can’t recognize when a boy’s in love?”
Is she trying to kill me? Doesn’t she know it’s her?
Harry ignored the question and focused his attention on the log in front of him. With a twist and a swish, a wooden seat sat in front of him.
“Good one,” Ginny said, grinning at his evasion and Transfiguring her own log. Her results were not as good as Harry’s”while she did end up with a chair, it was covered in bark.
“Damn,” he heard her mutter to herself. Harry stopped for a moment and watched her wand movement as she Transfigured another chair. She came up with another bark-covered seat and swore again.
“Here,” Harry said, starting toward her before he had a chance to convince himself not to. “It’s like this.” He stood next to Ginny and showed her the correct wrist movement without reciting the incantation. Ginny tried mimicking his movements, but she was still flicking instead of swishing.
Without thinking, Harry took hold of Ginny’s wrist. “It’s this way,” he said, guiding her hand through the movements.
It was just like Hermione had said. Bolts of electricity seemed to run straight through Harry, shaking him to his core, just from touching her arm. He nearly jumped and, a foot away, Ginny gave a jolt. Harry felt his breathing become shallower. It took him a full twenty seconds to realize that he was still holding Ginny’s wrist in his hands before he let go. Ginny laughed, somewhat breathlessly, and Harry shoved his hand in his pocket.
He couldn’t make himself move away. Instead, he raised his eyes to Ginny’s and was shocked to see that she was staring at him.
“So who’s the girl?” she whispered.
Harry gulped.
“Give her time, Harry.”
No time like the present, Potter.
“You.”
Ginny’s eyes widened and she dropped them to the floor. Her ears turned pink, creating somewhat of a clash with her hair. Harry remembered how thinking about her hair had helped him land this detention in the first place.
What am I supposed to do now, Hermione?
When it became apparent that Ginny wasn’t going to say anything to this extraordinary pronouncement from Harry, he grudgingly decided he had to move. Awkwardly, he shifted away from Ginny and went back to his own pile of logs. They didn’t speak to each other again, and the only breaks in the dreadful silence were their murmured incantations. Every few minutes, Harry would chance a glance at Ginny, hoping beyond hope that she might be looking at him as well. She never was.
Well, that was fine with him. If she wanted to ignore him, he could ignore her too. Harry sat up a bit straighter, determined to fulfill his task. Yes, he could ignore Ginny. No problem.
Thirty seconds later, Harry shifted his glance to her hair.
Damn it, Potter!
Hermione had said to give Ginny time. Well, that advice was bloody useless to him now. He had been alone in a room with her. . . she had been teasing him about thinking about a girl. . .
Harry shook his wand a little too vigorously and ended up with a chair with a leg missing.
Pay attention, Potter. You don’t want to let her know how much she’s got to you”
“You know,” Ginny said from across the room, “we ought to start taking these around to the classrooms.”
Was that it? Was she just going to ignore what he said?
“Er, Ginny?” he ventured. “D’you. . . I mean, aren’t we. . . going to talk about””
“I really think we should get to delivering them before everyone comes back,” she said in a loud voice, talking over him. “We don’t want to be stuck doling out chairs with the halls full of students.”
Time, Potter. If she wants to ignore you, let her.
“All right,” said Harry. He stood up and stacked his chairs, then levitated them with his wand. Across the room, Ginny was having some trouble keeping hers in the air.
Acting on instinct, Harry moved toward her, hand outstretched. “Here. . .”
“I’ve got it,” she said in a hard voice, and Harry recoiled. Ginny had never spoken to him like that.
So much for trying to be a nice guy.
“Fine,” he answered. If she wanted to handle her own chairs, she could bloody well handle her own chairs. Harry made sure his chairs were all in place and opened the door. He checked that the coast was clear both ways before floating them outside. Then he stepped into the hallway himself.
A minute later, Ginny’s chairs entered the hallway, then Ginny herself. She glanced at Harry a bit sheepishly and held out a piece of paper.
“You forgot the list,” she said.
All Harry could think of to say was an embarrassed “Oh.”
They stood like idiots in the corridor until Ginny finally said “We should, er, head to Binns’s first. That’s the closest.”
“All right.”
Without another word, Ginny turned and started down the hall. Harry followed, all the time trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. He had come in late, McGonagall had embarrassed him horribly by saying he couldn’t ever pay attention when Ginny was in the room, he and Ginny had talked, she had teased him about a girl. . .
That was it. She had been bloody teasing him. She was a girl, after all. Wasn’t it in their system to know about these kinds of things? Didn’t she know that she was the one he had been thinking about? Didn’t she know that half the reason he had taken her wrist was just because it was too bloody hard not to touch her? Didn’t she know that he cared about her?
Apparently not, Potter. And while you’re walking, try to keep your eyes off her bum.
***
“Well, that’s the last of them.”
“Yeah.”
Harry and Ginny stood in the corridor outside Professor Flitwick’s classroom. They hadn’t seen any teachers all afternoon. All the Professors were probably either at Hogsmeade or in their offices, trying to clear their desks before the rapidly arriving Christmas holidays.
The lack of teachers would never have normally irritated Harry, but today it did so to no end. Where were those bloody Professors when he needed them? They always seemed so keen to be present whenever he didn’t need them, and today, when he so desperately wanted another body with working vocal cords, none were there.
“We should, er, probably get back to the Transfiguration classroom,” he said awkwardly. “You know, to uh”to leave McGonagall her list.”
“Mostly I think I’ll need to get my bag.”
“Right.”
Harry closed his eyes in silent frustration, wishing he could be better at talking to Ginny. The whole of their conversation this afternoon hadn’t been any better. . . in fact, the interchange they just had pretty much made up the whole of their conversation for the afternoon. The rest was just Ginny reading from the list what chairs needed to go where. . . thus Harry’s desperation for a Professor. The painfully awkward silence wouldn’t have been so bad if there had been polite interchanges with Professors breaking it up. It really was a shame that Ginny didn’t want to speak with him, because delivering chairs in a tense, embarrassed silence wasn’t exactly Harry’s idea of fun.
Together they headed down the third floor corridor to the stairs. Harry had to remind himself to keep his eyes focused straight ahead or on the portraits. . . Ginny’s hips swung when she walked, and Harry could see a lot more curve now that she had on jeans and a sweater instead of school robes.
But then. . . Ginny was walking in front of him, just like she had been all afternoon. . . so if he looked at her, she wouldn’t notice. . .
Oh, she’ll notice. They always notice.
Potter?
Potter!
Potter, don’t you dare”
But Harry had stopped listening to reason”he couldn’t help himself. He had tried all afternoon, but it was futile. Ginny was mesmerizing. Her hair was down and it flowed down over her shoulder blades, moving just barely every time she took a step. Her waist. . . he could actually see her waist. It cinched in just a slight bit. . . it looked like the perfect place to rest his hand. He had seen Dean do it many a time and remembered his own waves of jealousy. But he didn’t want to think about Dean now. He wanted to think about Ginny. . . and Ginny’s hips, which had just stopped swinging. . . Ginny’s hips, which had just turned around. . .
Harry jumped, realizing that he was suddenly looking at a place where he was definitely not supposed to be looking. He jerked his head up and discovered he was standing two inches away from an exceptionally angry-looking Ginny.
Ginny opened her mouth like she wanted to yell at him, but then she closed it. Without a word, she turned on her heel and yanked open the door to the Transfiguration classroom. It slammed before Harry had a chance to enter.
Tentatively, Harry opened the door and stepped inside.
“Er, Ginny””
“Adsulto Terricula!”
Harry heard her hex and ducked before he had a chance to think. The hex slammed into the wall directly behind him and great flapping bat bogeys began their attack. Bewildered, Harry stayed crouched down, eyeing Ginny to make sure she wouldn’t hex him again. He wouldn’t put it past her. She still had her wand out and pointing directly at him, even though it was quivering a little.
Harry took the chance and stood up, albeit very slowly. He reached for his back pocket and took out his wand, showing it to Ginny. He then placed it on the desk in front of him and rose his hands up like the Muggles did in those police shows that Dudley liked to watch.
“Ginny””
“What do you mean by it, Harry?” Ginny asked in a rough voice, her grip tightening on her wand.
“I just put it down to””
“No, not your sodding wand! What do you mean by. . . by. . .” Ginny gestured with her hands, but Harry was still fixing her with what he hoped was a curious stare. If Ginny wanted to ask him a question, she was going to have to come right out and ask it.
It looked like she found her answer. Ginny fixed him with a hard glare and Harry found himself struggling to maintain her gaze. “What do you mean by. . . by looking at me? By telling me. . . telling me that I’m the one you’re thinking about?”
Harry opened his mouth, but Ginny wasn’t finished.
“Because it’s not funny, Harry. It’s not funny if you’re teasing me, or””
“Teasing you? Is that what you think this is?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Ginny. . .” Harry was completely shocked. He thought that she knew. . . she had to know. “Ginny,” he said again, “there’s no way I would ever tease you about something like this.”
He thought he saw Ginny’s mouth drop open for just a second, but if it had, she hid it well. Her eyes were now blazing and she looked even more furious than before.
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
Harry took a deep breath and decided to feign stupidity.
“What question is that?”
“What do you mean by it?” she said angrily.
“What do I mean by what?”
“You already know, Harry!”
“Well maybe you can fill me in, Ginny!”
They stood ten feet apart in the middle of the classroom, red-faced and bellowing at each other. Even though it was a very serious situation, the irony wasn’t lost on Harry. Not two years ago Ron and Hermione had stood in this exact position, arguing over arguably the same thing (although Harry thought his finding Ginny attractive was a far cry from Ron’s teasing about Viktor). Even though he didn’t mean to, Harry started to chuckle.
Ginny’s eyes flashed. In her fury, Harry saw her resemblance to Ron and laughed even harder. He knew he was probably digging himself into a hole, but it was just too amusingly ironic.
“This is funny to you?” Ginny said in an acidic voice. “You think it’s funny to goggle at me like some creature in the zoo?”
“No. . .no, Ginny. . .” Harry gasped, trying to maintain his laughs. “We’re like. . .” another laugh, “Ron and Hermione. . . at the Yule Ball. . .”
“Don’t you ever compare you and me to Ron and Hermione!”
Her rhyme, even though it was inadvertent, made Harry laugh again. Ginny’s eyes hardened.
“You’re a real git, Harry Potter,” she said with finality, then made to leave the room.
“No!”
Harry forced himself to stop laughing. He reached out and grabbed Ginny’s wrist before she had the chance to move past him. She wrenched and pulled against him, but he was stronger.
“Let me go, Harry,” she said through clenched teeth.
“No.”
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“I’ll hex you.”
“Try it.”
Ginny raised her wand with her free hand. Harry saw her open her mouth to cite the incantation, but before she had the chance to finish, he grabbed her wand and put it on the table where his was.
“Hey!”
“We’re going to talk.”
“We are through talking.”
“No, we’re not.”
“Yes, we are!”
“I still have to answer your question.”
Ginny’s arm stilled, and Harry could almost see her thinking over the possibility. He took the time to consider his own position. The gentlemanly thing to do would be to drop Ginny’s arm, apologize for leering, and let her go on her way. . . but Harry wasn’t feeling much like a gentleman right now. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was feeling. . . all he knew was that he wasn’t acting like himself.
Of course you’re not acting like yourself. You think if you were you’d be speaking in complete sentences right now?
Before Harry had time to determine why he was acting in such an uncharacteristically rude and talkative manner, Ginny looked at him, anger evident in her eyes. “Let me go and then you can answer my question,” she said in an incensed tone.
“Promise me you won’t leave,” he said. He wouldn’t put it past Ginny to bolt straight away after he released her.
“I’m not promising anything””
“Then I won’t let you go.”
Ginny glared. “Fine,” she spat. “I won’t leave.”
Harry released Ginny’s arm when she pulled away then looked to the floor, bracing himself. He took a deep breath.
“I’m waiting.”
He shot her a glare before answering.
You’ve got a big chance here, Potter. Don’t screw it up.
Harry took a deep breath. “The reason I was looking at you is because. . . well, Gin, because I find you. . . attractive. Any bloke would. I mean, come on, you’re absolutely gorgeous.” A blush flared on Ginny’s cheeks, but she didn’t try to stop him or even try to hex him.
Hey, Potter, you’re improving.
He cleared his throat before speaking again. “And the reason I. . . said what I did. . . well, that was because. . .” He began blushing even before he said the words. Even though he could feel Ginny’s eyes on him, he didn’t look at her. He couldn’t look at her.
“Well, Ginny, the reason I said that was””
“Stop.” Ginny had abruptly put her hand out, as though to stop the words before they came out of his mouth. Harry was confused.
“I thought you wanted me to answer. . .” he said slowly, but Ginny interrupted him again.
“I don’t anymore.” Ginny was now moving to the other side of the classroom to collect her bag.
Anger flared in Harry’s stomach. “Well, why not?” he asked, his voice raised. Ginny kept her eyes on the floor.
“I know what the answer is, and I don’t want to hear it.”
This statement hit Harry like a brick wall. After everything”the looks, the ‘C’ sweater, McGonagall’s comment, their detention, this whole argument”she wouldn’t even stay to hear the most important part!
“How do you know what I’m going to say? And why don’t you want to hear it?” Harry advanced on Ginny, again closing the gap between them.
Ginny raised a hand to her forehead and rubbed it, still not looking at him. “One, I know what you’re going to say because. . . well, I just do. Two, I don’t want to hear it because I have a boyfriend””
“Oh, please!” Harry spat, disgusted. “You had a boyfriend when you were giving me the looks, he didn’t seem to stop you then.”
Ginny’s hand stopped moving on her forehead. “What?” she asked, her brow furrowing.
Harry stepped even closer. “You know what I’m talking about. The look. You gave it to me in the dormitory and then again outside the portrait hole, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”
Lowering her hand from her forehead, Ginny said “I”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Her voice was shaking, and Harry didn’t believe her for a second.
“You’re a rotten liar, Ginny,” he said in a low voice. He reached out for Ginny’s hand, but she wrenched it away.
“And if I am?” she challenged. “Look, Harry, I have a boyfriend””
“Who you don’t care about.”
“Who are you to tell me who I do or do not care about?”
Careful, Potter. You know she doesn’t like being treated like a child. Don’t make her even angrier”
“I can tell you don’t care about him, Ginny! Otherwise you wouldn’t keep giving those looks to me!”
”by saying things like that.
Ginny sucked in a deep breath. “It is none of your business how I feel about Dean””
“It is when you really love me!”
“I do not!”
By this point, all manner of reason had left Harry. All he could do now was act on gut instinct.
I hope you know what you’re doing, Potter.
Harry took a slow step toward Ginny and heard her breath hitch. He took another one and she didn’t move away. Drawing yet another deep breath, Harry voiced the question that had been bothering him ever since she gave him the first look.
“Do you love me?”
Ginny’s mouth fell open and she gasped. “Oh, no, Harry””
“Do you love me?”
“You cannot do that!”
“Do you love me?”
Tears pooled in Ginny’s eyes and she threw up her hands in frustration. “Why are you doing this, Harry?”
“I have to know.”
“Well, I don’t, all right?”
“I don’t believe you.”
Ginny gave a strangled scream of frustration and turned away from him. “Why are you doing this now?”
“Because. . .” Harry tried to think of an answer, but he couldn’t seem to voice all the thoughts tangled up in his mind. Why was he doing this now?
Because you love her, you dolt.
Before Harry could answer, Ginny whirled around and faced him with a glare so furious that he lost his breath.
“I loved you for five years, Harry. Five bloody years. And you knew I loved you, don’t pretend that you didn’t. You knew I was in love with you. And you didn’t do a single thing about it, never paid me one whit of attention, for five sodding years.” She stopped to draw breath and a tear ran down her cheek.
Harry wanted to say something but found he couldn’t. Not that Ginny would let him say anything, even if he wanted to. She had moved closer now, and was gesturing so violently with her hands that Harry almost felt he should move back.
“So, what do I do? I get over you. And then guess what happens?” she asked in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “As soon as I’m taken, you all of a sudden realize that you love me. How terribly ironic!”
She stood in front of him, breathing hard, and Harry knew he had to say something. “I’m sorry, all right?” he said in a voice equaling hers in anger. Ginny rolled her eyes and Harry felt like pounding his fist on the table. “What else do you want me to say, Ginny?” he yelled. “I didn’t plan on this. I didn’t plan on you.”
“Plan on me how?”
“I didn’t plan on you invading every aspect of my life! It’s like you’re everywhere! When I’m awake, I see you. When I’m asleep, I dream about you. I can’t think about anything else but you. I can’t focus, I certainly can’t pay attention in class. That’s why I had to serve this sodding detention in the first place, because I wasn’t paying attention. Guess what I was doing, Ginny? I was thinking about you!”
Harry stopped to draw breath. Ginny’s eyes had gotten progressively wider during his little speech, but she was still able to retort back in a sarcastic tone.
“Well, Harry, that’s very sweet of you to say, but none of it makes any difference. I have a boyfriend.” She said the last five words very slowly, as though she was speaking to a small child.
“Ginny. . . I don’t care anymore.” Harry took a deep breath and let out the rest of his words in a rush. “I don’t care about your boyfriend, I don’t care about any of it. All I know is that I love you.”
At his words, they both froze. Their impact hit Harry almost as hard as they hit Ginny. Harry had never said that out loud, not to anyone.
He rushed on, wanting to finish before he lost his nerve.
“I love you, Ginny. I do. I don’t know what took me so long to realize it, but now I do. And I think you love me too.”
Another tear slid down Ginny’s cheek. She made no effort to wipe it away. Slowly, Harry stepped forward and raised his hand to her face. He tentatively brushed the tear away with the pad of his thumb. Daringly, he left his hand on her face.
“Do you love me, Ginny?” he asked again. She squeezed her eyes shut and more tears flowed out. This time Harry took both hands to wipe them away.
“No,” she said in a strangled voice.
She’s lying.
“Do you love me?”
“No.”
“I love you.”
“Well, I don’t.” But even as she said it, more tears formed and fell down her face. Harry chanced a small grin.
“You’re a rotten liar, Gin.”
And then slowly, very slowly, he lowered his face to hers.
***
A/N: Well, there you have it! I hope you liked it. If you did, please review. . . I love hearing from you guys.
A few disclaimers:
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate-- certainly not mine. I'm not exactly sure where it's from.
Ginny’s line “Mostly I think I’ll need to get my bag” is similar to one of Hermione’s lines in After the End, Arabella and Zsenya’s epic posted at the Sugar Quill. Hermione says “Mostly I think I’ll need a swimsuit.”
I made up the Bat-Bogey Hex incantation, since JKR hasn’t given it to us in the books. The word adsulto means “attack” and terricula means “bogey.” Both are Latin.
I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure that “I didn’t plan on this. I didn’t plan on you.” has been written or said somewhere before here. Anyone have any ideas as to where it’s from originally?