Destined to Be by The Marauder
Ch. 6: YEAR SIX (APRIL)
As they left dinner Lily saw Cliff and paused awkwardly, unsure if she should say hi or not. Her dilemma, however, was resolved as he turned and kissed Mariah goodbye.
Lily had known she would see this, had both planned and primed herself for it, but was still not prepared when it happened.
Kate looked at her friend worriedly, “You okay Lils?”
Lily nodded a bit too earnestly, putting on a brave face, “Um…yeah, definitely, it was ages ago.” She smiled forcefully, but truthfully -- no matter how many times she saw him -- she felt butterflies at the sight of him.
“Um…Kate…actually I’m feeling a little restless, I think I’m going to go for a walk. I’ll come and find you later, okay?” Kate smiled understandingly and waved as Lily turned and headed outside.
She wandered aimlessly for a while, and ended up settling by the lake, looking up at the stars. She tried with little success to remember all the constellations she’d worked so hard to memorize for Astronomy. After a good half hour she recomposed herself by wiping her face and eyes, and inhaled a deep breath of the crisp night air. She decided she really ought to go find Kate, especially since she had blown her off but, just as she was about to stand, James sat down next to her without a word.
He was acting strange, fidgeting more than usual; in fact, he couldn’t seem to sit still at all. First he crossed his legs but then stretched them out. Next he struggled to find a suitable place for his hands. They roamed from his lap to his pockets, and then to his unruly black hair. Lily watched him, confused, but slightly amused at his obvious discomfort. He opened his mouth, apparently about to speak, but closed it again shifting uncomfortably as he changed his mind.
The cycle repeated several times and Lily was beginning to feel anxious. She was about to ask him what was up, when he finally spoke, “Evans, I’ve asked you out nearly a thousand times and every time you’ve turned me down without a thought. It’s April. Our sixth year is almost over now, and all teasing aside, I’ve got to tell you…” he stopped and looked into her eyes, searching for the courage he needed to go on, “since the moment I met you, I have admired and adored you. I can’t hide behind pranks and jokes any longer -- Lily, I’m in love with you.”
She stared at him incredulously; James Potter was actually telling her he loved her? No, it had to be a new ploy to catch her off guard, surely. Struggling to find any words to express her disbelief or any brilliant comebacks, he mistook her silence as an encouraging sign. He tilted his head and leaned in, but she backed away, her eyes wide in astonishment. He was serious.
James froze, embarrassed and confused. Lily had turned him down many times before, but after admitting his love for her, she couldn’t honestly be rejecting him again. Could she?
“I’m sorry James, but I…can’t,” she bit her lip and looked purposefully at the grass, trying to avoid his penetrating stare.
He blinked and furrowed his brows. He was baffled and hurt, “You’re serious?”
“I don’t know what else to say…” she looked at the ground, this is not happening!
James could only stare at her in disbelief…
“This is the only answer I’m going to get is it? I declare my love for you and all you can say is you’re sorry!” James’ frustration was slowly turning into anger. For six years he had tried to win her heart and now after bravely putting his out in the open, she had stomped on it without a second thought.
Lily had remained quietly passive through his outburst and now looked up at him in disbelief. How could he have expected anything other than the answer she had given him? How could he be upset with her after over half a decade of almost daily torture? She licked her lips and tried to steady her shaking voice, “I never tried to gain your attention or your affection; I never intended to lead you on!”
Various moments through the years passed briefly through her mind and she shook her head slightly in agitation, giving a small dry laugh, “In fact, I did everything I could to push you away!”
James, persistent as ever, disregarded this last statement and pleaded, “Just go on one date with me Evans. There’s a Hogsmeade trip next week…”
She closed her eyes and shook her head.
“Evans what have I done to you? I’ve told you I love you…bloody hell, you’re all I ever think about “ do you know that?”
He was lost in his rage and began to ramble furiously, “I play Quidditch my hardest just to impress you; I don’t pay attention in class because I can’t seem to peel my eyes off you. When you asked for my help, I planned a whole scheme just to get Sirius and Kate together. For Merlin’s sake, I even took care of that bleeding git, Cliff, for you…” he froze realizing the secret he’d just let slip and then quickly looked away, his hand traveling instinctively back to his hair as he braced himself for the onslaught.
Her buried suspicions had been confirmed. She stared at him, unblinking, and her green eyes shone with an eerie power, “It was you…” she whispered. “I knew it all along -- it was you!”
He hesitated a moment and then glared defiantly into her eyes, not denying what he’d done.
She paused for a second, trying not to scream at him, but failed miserably.
“I don’t know what the hell happened with Cliff, but how DARE you meddle in my life. You said he wasn’t good enough for me…well that is not for you to decide! I told you to stay out of it. It’s bad enough that you came to me, but the fact that you had the NERVE to go to him…” she paused, unable to match words to all the thoughts bouncing around in her head.
“You gave him a black eye like some troll, and he…he broke up with me! He wouldn’t even tell me why. He wouldn’t come anywhere near me -- do you have any idea what that was like? And all along it was because of you? It was entirely your fault!” Tears welled up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Instead the emerald pools began to burn with a fury James had never seen before.
He stared at her, torn between emotions. He was upset that she had been hurt but aggravated by her anger and her naivety of the situation.
“Is that all?” he said derisively, struggling to keep his voice cool as he restrained himself from an outburst of equal proportion.
“No James Potter that is not all,” she hissed; by this point she was livid and stood up heatedly.
“It’s your pompous attitude about everything! Since the very beginning you have been completely egotistical, conceited and arrogant. You pick on Snape at any opportunity just because you can. You think every situation can be turned into a joke and pay absolutely no mind to all the people you hurt along the way! You think you’re better than everyone else because you can play Quidditch and girls will swoon for you. Did you honestly think I would go out with you? Let me tell you James Potter I will never go out with you. Do you hear me? Never. I would rather die. I would rather spend a day cheering up Moaning Myrtle. I would rather date Lucious Malfoy! Get it?”
She leaned towards him and whispered coldly, “The way you treat others -- like you’re better than them --it disgusts me.”
Lily breathed heavily, surprised at her own boldness, and feeling a mixture of emotions ranging everywhere from pain from reliving the Cliff experience, to relief at telling him off completely. James had remained eerily passive during this outburst and now, upon deciding she was in fact done, stood slowly, nonchalantly wiping the grass from his pants, his casual nature mocking her. As he stepped out of the shadow, she could see by his flushed cheeks and tight eyes that he was anything but calm.
“You know what Evans? You’re right! I don’t know what I was thinking. I am so sorry I interrupted you on this beautiful evening. Please, return to brooding under the tree. I won’t disturb you again,” he retorted caustically, his tone biting, and without giving her a chance to reply, he turned on his heel and stormed towards the castle.
Guys I’m so sorry! It’s been ages since I’ve posted a chapter! Really, I know “ I hate it when I’m reading a story and the author doesn’t update… :o/ But I should have the rest of the story up quick because, I have a wonderful new beta, our own stickm, who is a phenomenal help!
Next, stay tuned for a bit more year six as we see the aftermath, and the Cliff mystery is finally revealed.
Also, I don’t know if any of you have Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Well, other than Harry Potter (of course lol) it’s my favorite book, and apparently one of Jo’s as well! I’ve always seen a parallel between the J/L love/hate relationship and Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy, so parts of this year were inspired by it. If you haven’t read it…do, it’s awesome!